Daily Mail

Financial Dominatrix makes thousands torturing men online, the KKK wants to rebrand, Scottish chick wins Miss Hitler 2016, first death in an autopilot car comes as driver was watching Harry Potter, brawl erupts at Dallas taco joint because of chips and dip

Afghanistan quarantines their only pig, Jersey teacher fired for saying he wanted to "get baked" with "hot" students, BBC in trouble for joking about the Queen of England having sex, Perry Ellis lands endorsement deal with Perry Ellis, Uber now offering hot air balloon rides

India puts 18 Lions on trial for murder, RIP to the 33 inch tall human who played ALF, China wants to do whole body transplants, MMA dude kills himself play Russian Roulette

NYC Professor giving out his semen to women who need a rogue sperm donor, Prisoner sues prison for having to remove marble implants from his penis, woman gets impaled by a umbrella at the beach, Japan bans fat people from their Naked Restaurant, EMS responders wait for their White Castle instead of responding to emergency call, man slaps woman in the face with chicken

Rogue monkey causes nationwide blackout in Kenya, Rabbis say chicks are not allowed to ride bikes anymore, woman pulls gun on a wrestler at a show, Chicago teen confesses to murder on his snapchat, Science Says millennials dont like doing stuff

Russian dude chops off his buddy's dick with an axe in fight over who had the bigger penis, Axl Rose trying to get a fat picture of him removed from Google, Fox in trouble for their poster for X Men showing violence against women, Father challenges his daughter to a gun duel, Donald Trump shouts out "my African American" at his rally

30 mins od Daily Mail featuring stories from everywhere on Earth

Teacher says kids shouldnt watch Harry Potter, Nudists are going extinct because millenials dont like getting naked, dude tries to pay a hooker with a rare primate, Nerd-Off - 4 year old Dinosaur expert vs 15 year old who discovered an ancient Mayan civilization, and dating site matches Canadians with Americans fleeing the country if Trump wins

Science Says your friends dont like you, 5 out of 5 Floridas - guy shoots his brother over cheeseburger dispute, Professor accused of being a terrorist because he did math on the plane, teenager on zip line in Vegas pees on the crowd below him, lying ass 70 yr old woman pretending to be blind says her eyesight is cured after hitting her head

KFC flavored nail polish, Body in Brooklyn with concrete feet washes ashore, Jet Blue gives out free flight for crying babies, people are using anti-diahreha meds to get high

Dude drive 870 miles to get KFC for his wife, Indiana creates baby drop boxes, dude in India sets his mom on fire because she couldnt find him a wife, girl calls her ex boyfriend 300 times in 1 day

Dude in Russia blows himself up with a grenade during drunken argument, Portland fights the war on drugs by giving out free meth pipes, officials are worried that self driving automobiles will lead to more sex in cars, dude arrested after fighting his girlfriend because she wouldnt cuddle while breastfeeding,

North Korea has "pleasure squads" for Kim Jong Un, Saudi cleric says women driving leads to the end of virginity, brewers use belly button lint to make beer, Upstate NY man charged as the Serial Butt Slapper, Ohio city under attack from Serial Pooper

MFK Beyonce, Rachel Roy, Rachael Ray, Johnny Manziel offered a job at a taco joint, German whorehouse offering fans a 15 minute quickie if their soccer team is relegated, 9 year old spends 9 hours in a grocery store for his birthday, woman caught stealing 108 Texas Instruments graphing calculators

Dude arrested for putting soda in his water cup at McDs, Doctor mails it in and tells his patients to google medical advice, Cube Monkey makes Lego videos of murdering his coworkers, London opens up nude dining restaurant, man threatens to kill the tiger that killed the Tiger Whisperer

Chick addicted to sex 10 times a day loses her job and friends, genes can decide when you lose your virginity, male midwife tells pregnant chicks to give more oral sex, dude tries to marry his laptop protesting same sex marriage, FedEx employee mailtimes so hard he falls asleep and ends up in Texas

Olympian swimming charged with assault for tweaking a male passenger's nipple, self proclaimed "Tiger Whisperer" mauled to death by a tiger, woman leaves her 9 month old in the car while auditioning to be a stripper, Swedish director releasing a movie that is 30 DAYS long, bartender sues her boss for making her work sex parties

People find painting worth $135 mil in the attic, chick gets 16 teeth pulled at the dentist and dies, women are letting their husbands cheat now, dude denied from swingers event because he didnt have enough references, cube monkey accidentally deletes his entire company with wrong computer code

UK government is afraid of everyone trying anal sex, South Korea sex pills-for-votes scandal, clowns attack mother and daughter in a parking lot with sex toys, NY State institutes a "textalyzer," and Science Says how often we should be having sex

top 10 creepiest professions, teacher says its ok she had sex with students because their grades went up, identical twins married identical twins and now they are getting plastic surgery to tell them apart, China has invented a fart detector, and dude gets ALL of this teeth pulled out by accident at the dentist

Woman kills her husband and feeds him to a dog (real nice, lady!), France legalizes protitution but not paying for prostitution, Florida dude dies in cockroach eating contest, Transgender man turns into a female and now is turning into a dragon, oh and the world is ending in a week

The dude who named his kid Adolf Hitler is back in the news, little asshole 9 year old girl investigates a murder, Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls might be teaming up, 1 out of every 50 dudes in England is raising another man's kid, and African dude claims he died and took pictures of heaven on his Galaxy phone

Sex Island created specifically for people who want to cheat, New Yorkers say they are too busy to pee - just like Matt Harvey, Bieber catching heat for his dreadlocks, Taylor Swift to receive the Taylor Swift Award, and dude stabs a guy who pooped on his lawn

New York cab drivers arent allowed to come on their passengers anymore, Animal Rights Group trying to fight the Chinese Dog Meat Festival, Kidnapping victim in Florida gets arrested after getting rescued, Science Says Grammar Nazis are assholes, and dude in California gets hit by a bus after almost falling off a cliff

New York cab drivers arent allowed to come on their passengers anymore, Animal Rights Group trying to fight the Chinese Dog Meat Festival, Kidnapping victim in Florida gets arrested after getting rescued, Science Says Grammar Nazis are assholes, and dude in California gets hit by a bus after almost falling off a cliff

Easter egg hunt devolves into chaos, India says calling your spouse "fat elephant" is grounds for divorce, teachers want to cancel algebra because its too hard, walking while texting could carry jail time in NJ, chick who misses her cruise ship tries to swim out to sea to catch the boat

Dave Chappelle does karaoke at a strip club, being popular reduces your risk of lice, identical twins want to get pregnant by the same dude at the same time, strangers show up to delivery room after wrong number text, Dwight Howard admits to cheating but says hes not a cheater

Dude who had sex in the Las Vegas Ferris Wheel ends up dead, Harlem funeral home holds open casket wake and cremation with the wrong body, Internet named a 300 million dollar boat Boaty McBoatface, dude tries to buy a BMW with food stamps, neighbor invokes Human Rights Act to have 4 year old's tree house torn down

Storks are addicted to junk food, NYC decriminalizing public urination for St. Pats, circumcision leads to autism, Japan is hiring ninjas, Congressman says magic is a national treasure, and Caitlyn Jenner got herself a vibrator

Indonesia mayor says instant noodles make babies gay, Chinese kid addicted to his iPhone chops his fingers off, IHOP waiter says hes a modern day Robin Hood by giving out $3,000 worth of free drinks, DiGiorno pizza is filled with glass, dude has a 10 pound dick

Woman with twins finds out they have different fathers, woman puts a baby in her carry on bag during flight to Paris, penguin travels 5,000 miles to see the man who saved him from near death, Cuban dudes put pearls in their dicks, Florida mom known for Pro-Gun stance gets shot by her 4 year old son

Hot Dog Hooker is BACK, teacher fired after student finds nudes on her phone, dude waterboards his girlfriend to find out if shes cheating, guy shoots himself in the face taking selfies, Science Says happiness can kill you, and two siblings born both on Leap Day

Los Angeles edition of DailyMail

Dude walks across the Alps in fake goat legs, NASA will pay you 18k to lay in bed and smoke weed for 70 days, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas asks a question for first time in 10 years, dead body found at an Air BnB, and an Oscars MFK

Supreme Court justice hasn't asked a question at work in 10 years, Oil is so cheap pirates are just giving up on pirating, German mayor caught searching for hardcore porn, garlic knots start a brawl in Florida, old couple invent their own time zone

Argentinian soccer ref killed for issuing a red card, China displacing 10,000 humans to build telescope searching for aliens, 2 marijuana nuns dedicate their entire lives to weed, dude wakes up from a coma speaking Mandarin, and Virgin Airlines tells Kanye West to eat a dick

Dude rides his bike from India to Sweden for a girl, chick attacks her boyfriend with a mini bat for not getting her a Valentines Day Gift, dude meets his Facebook friend for Valentines Day and gets thrown off a building, Kanye West designed penis video games when he was 12, and a MFK Monday featuring Adriana Lima, Kate Beckinsale, Olivia Wilde and some SHOCKING results from the voters

Pope sends out 1,000 "Super Confessor" priests, dude blames his 10th DUI on eating beer battered fish, woman gets deported for using her passport pages as toilet paper, stripper cant stop getting naked in public places, plumber gets naked in his client's home, and the Thursday Throwback of the Day - The Wild Things Threesome

Chinese baby wakes up right before being cremated, goat arrested in India, Indian police are going to use slingshots, Red Lobster up 33% after Beyonce mentioned them, Florida man throws an alligator through the drive through window, drunk Wisconsin couple lets their 9 year old drive them home

Dude dies doing Krispy Kreme Challenge, guy in India first person to ever get hit by a meteor, Woody Harrelson trying to open marijuana dispensary in Hawaii, Ireland trying to make it "uncool" to be drunk, Michigan bans anal sex

Zika is hot in the streets, class action lawsuit against McDonalds for bad mozzarella sticks, dude dies trying to eat a McDonalds burger in one bite, woman faces 6 years in prison for not doing housework, burglar helps police catch him by logging into his twitter account

NAACP leader in trouble for saying "nice tits," 28 convicts escape after naked chicks lure away guards for an orgy, dad in trouble with the law for taking away his daughter's cell phone, chick suing Kit Kat because there was no crispy wafer in her chocolate bar, dude tries to have sex with 79 year old woman in a Cracker Barrel stall