The Equelizers Podcast

It's the end of the world as we we know it as The Equelizers welcome back The Evengers and The Evengers face off against their most cunning foe yet. Canada! This Week has it all! Thrills, Chills, and Tink!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"   You can find Jackson's other work at A Study in Granada wherever you get your podcasts and @in_granada on twitter!   You can find Kiley on TikTok @ki.writes!   You can also find all of Daniel's work on his website The Apodcalypse

This time the EquelHIVEers are all BEESness as they sit down to find a plot that is intereSTING enough for a sequel to the 1998 spy action film The Avengers....there are bees in it.

This week's cocktail is one-part X-treme T-shirt, two parts shellfish allergy, with a twist of lemon tart love. Drink up and get charmed as we return to everyone's "favorite" neighborhood to fall head over heels in, Notting Hill (1999). Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison R Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

CW: Death, Grief We're technically whimsical as we crack the codes and escape...grief? This week has it all: Madison blames Inception, Moon Logic, and Mrs Baloney's... well you'll hear it.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

We end up being not the hero Las Vegas, NV wants but the hero Las Vegas, NV deserves this week as we go on a field trip to conjure up the sequel to Magic Camp (2020) starring Adam DeVine...or is it Adam Levine? No way to know for sure.    Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

The Equelizers take to that most wretched hive of villainy: New York with The Shadow Beyond! This week has it all: Tim Curry's Jimmy Buffett, more "Inverted" games, and Madison forgets what medium our show is!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

CW: Sex, porn, drugs, suicide.   They were so busy figuring out if they COULD do it, that they never took the moment to think if they SHOULD do it. Cue the cocaine fields and robot lube because the Equelizers go post-apocalyptic this week in a sequel to Boogie Nights (1997). We are sorry in advance for the Diggler.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison R Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"    

Move over Carbon, there's a new element on the table and it's Death! This week the Quibi Curse comes for Mike!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

Barbie is dead and there is only one detective to find out what really happened to the Robert's family during their summer vacay. Dolphin magic may be powerful, but not as powerful as...THE TRUTH. Join us this week for Madison's high-tech pitch for the sequel to the nauseating shovelware film Barbie Dolphin Magic.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

The Equelizers are up the river without a paddle this week as they have Nero idea what they're getting themselves into with Riverworld 2: God Dam It! This week has it all: The Riverworld Diet, An ancient bit rears it's moist head, and The River Christ is born to us this day!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"  

Get your ancient symbols in a line and step with us through the gate to the warptacular sequel to Stargate (1994). As suggested by friend of the show Chelce Carter in last week's episode, the Equelizers wade deep into the dead waters of capitalism's past *gasp* I hope we don't see a ghost! Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'" You can find Chelce on Twitter at @MrsCarterOfMars    

So here's the thing, here's the thing. In my house? The Equelizers are joined by special guest Chelce Carter to steal back the glamor of Artemis Fowl! This week has it all: METAPHORS!, we're hacks, and one of us is an Opal Koboi apologist! You'll have to listen to almost the whole thing to find out who!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'" You can find Chelce on Twitter at @MrsCarterOfMars

Prepare to woo your sweetheart as The Equelizers hide in the bushes and whisper advice as they dig into 2000's The Little Vampire! This week has it all: The role Lipnicki was destined to play, phonems, and a blast of 1980's slang!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"  

Oh wow! The Equelizers nailed down a pitch in under an hour. Oh wow! Thanks to our guest Art last week, the Equelizers were tasked with getting back into the cage with Cage to come up with a sequel to the semi-biopic Lord of War (2005). This week has it all! Everquest Online, crush bone belts, and the Equelizers record for finalizing a pitch.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

Just when The Equelizers thought they'd put Christmas behind them, enemy of the podcast Art Cooper pulls them back into the holiday season again...and again...and again...it's a time loop joke. This week has it all: Art's three straight marriages, a senator's teenage dog, and just some light Eco-terrorism this time!   You can find Art's other work at: Alphabet Flight Creepy Critters Over Innsmouth   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

CW: Suicide, addiction, murder, death, drug use, regret. Due to the topic of grief that this film franchise heavily covers, we mention and discuss harder topics that happen in both the films we watched and the film we pitch. This week, the Equelizers join Elliot Page, Kiefer Sutherland, and John Boyega in THE BEYOND with their requel prequel to the Flatliners franchise in a turn of the century take that not even the most heightened medium could have fortold. We are looking at you, Patricia Arquette.  Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

♫Well now Freakquels, just lend an ear For you're now about to hear The Last Ride of Cat Ballou It's a podcast episode that's newly made And Madison "Liquids"Jones And the Tomater Kid are going to describe it for you Cat Ballou, Cat Ballou The Last Ride of Cat Ball-ou-ou-ou♫ Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"  

A new year means new chances as The Equelizers throw out the sequels to The Matrix and bring their own philosophy to the table. What is the sound of one hand falling in the forest if no one's around to hear it? This week has it all: Madison's full Muppets cast, The Matrix: The Musical, and a new game! Articles tackling The Wachowski's prevous Racism controversys Hollywood's whitewashed version of anime never sells The Problem With Sense8 An Open Letter to Trans Communities and our Co-Conspirators ‘Cloud Atlas' and the Use of ‘Yellowface', is It Okay? Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

Sorry for the delay on this one, Freakquels. Our strings got pulled in ten different directions by the holidays and sudden day-job changes, but we are happy to bring you our last episode of 2021! This week Madison and Mike go head-to-head as they each do their best to deck the Hallmarks with their sequels to the puppet-packed Xmas snore that is Holly Star (2018). To judge this final head to head of the year is our frequent guest and sometimes kidnapped friend Jackson Eflin.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison R Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

We wrap up Christmas in Space with the Brazilian gem Just Another Christmas...in space! This week has it all, More Tom Hanks, we meet Gargalax's wife and children, and the return of Madison Claus!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"  

Christmas in Space continues as we dock our podcast into the unbridled utopian space cornucopia that is Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017). Deck your halls and apply your jingle bells to your Mass Effect jumpsuit because the Equelizers have a heart-warming tale for you filled with space battles, a king boss, and a new employee of Madison's Carnival of Bits!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"    

The Equelizers kick off Christmas in Space with Kingsol, the newest ancient holiday! We hope you laid out your Hearth Hand for The King's Thief as you listen to our TV movie follow up to Krull! This week has it all: The Great Carnival of Bits Fire of 2021,The Pun Hole, and Gingerglaives!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

The Equelizers bring you a Big Mac of an episode this week with Mike's PLAYABLE RPG SEQUEL to the famously horrible film Mac and Me (1988). This one is doused in so much secret sauce you'll need a Coca-cola to reincarnate you by the end.    Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

Just when they thought it was safe to go back in The Holidays, The Mitchells face off against a parade of new machine menaces! This week has it all: Seymour's doctorate in Butt Medicine, Letterboxd finally breaks Madison's brain, and someone's horny for coins!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"  

Some think sequels are only real in fairy tales, but Madison says go Farquod yourself to those who might as well take a walk on the Sun. Join them and Mike this week as they peel back some onion layers and show the universe that they are an All Star with their jukebox musical follow up to Shrek the Musical (2013), which features the entirety of Smash Mouth's Astro Lounge.    Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our theme "Two Step Struttin'" All Smash Mouth songs are by the band Smash Mouth and were recorded and published by Interscope Records

You don't have to break a leg to get in on the murder action this week as The Equelizers bring in Raymond Burr to solve the crime in Rear Window 2! This week has it all: More Muppets, You Can See The Photo, and a finale for the ages!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

Developing a sequel is a very delicate time. Know then that it is the year 2021. The known podcast universe is ruled by the Pod Emperor Conan O'Brien. In this time, the most precious substance in the Universe is .Wav files. The .Wav files extend humor. The .Wav files expand dumb ideas. The .Wav files are vital to equelizing. The Equelizers and its listeners, who the podcast has mutated over 131 episodes, use the .wav files, which they turn into .Mp3 files to share their dumb ideas with the Universe.    Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

Long story short (too late) The Equelizers roll the dice on their sequel to Clue! This week has it all: The Anti-Horny, The Clue-Man Group, and Madison tries to kill Angela Lansbury.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"  

*spooky pipe organ music* *crash of lightning* *the sound of spooky moaning* *a blood-curdling scream*  Oh sorry, Freakquels! We didn't see you come in. This week we are treating you to a new monster of a sequel as we unwrap and repackage The Mummy (2017). This week has it all; A remake of one of the show's historic bits, satanic glass, and Madison talks about crystals again.

Madison galaxy brains 2013's Great Gatsby  as we leap into Leo's filmography and take another another bite out of The Big Apple in Great Gatsby and the Quantum Romp! This week has it all: Muppet What Ifs, Déjà vu reviews, and we leap back to put right an audio issue that went wrong!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Special thanks to the BananaBoyes for the use of our them "Two Step Struttin'"

Ain't we got fun? Well, we have a special two-week dose of your and everybody's favorite mysterious party host, Jay Gatsby. This week Mike pitches the next adventure in West Egg, where the man has risen from the grave to hold one final bash. This week has it all; Sexy Harrison Ford, bursting balloon metaphors, and we return to the old garden patch! Don't miss it, Old Sport!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Intro and Outro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes "Vroom Vroom" by Charli XCX

It's the time traveling sequel no one asked for slammed into an assassin based franchise no one wanted us to return to as The Equelizers go back in time for dear Uncle Desmond in About Time: Desmond's Creed! This week has it all: DramaRomComs, WE really back ourselves into a corner on this one, and odnoM lI saves the day!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Intro and Outro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

We dive deep into this week and ponder, "Why make a sequel to the horribly panned and bad movie Monkeybone (2001) when we could just make The Silmarillion for it?" This week has it all; The Monkeybonarillion, a gender-neutral realm god, and we talk about what the Equelizers Cinematic Universe's hell should be. Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Intro and Outro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

There's no prison on Monkey Earth that can keep The Equelizers in as they race to get their Planet of the Apes sequel to the world! This week has it all: No Mark Wahlberg, The United Apes of Aperica, and seriously just the least amount of Marky Mark possible.   Madison's audio is a little off on this one. It looks like maybe the audio is coming from their computer mic. We cleaned it up as best we could but it's still noticeable in some places.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Intro and Outro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

Grind up your hamburgers and turn them into cake pop-shaped protein spheres with us this week as we AMPLIFY the sequel to Star Kid (1997). This week has it all; Puppets!, Madison's last wishes, and rad motocross jumps! Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Intro and Outro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Sequels. Only the Equelizers are masters of all five elements but only because no one's ever tried all of them. That changes in The Last Airbender 2: Welcome to Earth! Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes    Racebending:  Fan Activists Fight Racist Casting The Incomparable Differences between Whitewashing and Racebending Decoding the Politics of Hollywood Whitewashing through M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender

We got a little too in our heads this as we answer Jackson's challenge to make a sequel to Charlie Kaufman's Being John Malkovich (1999). This week has it all; Fun airplane battles, everyone's favorite movie Mary Reilly (1996), and...and...and yeah, that's about it. Enjoy! Click here to go to that website Mike mentioned, DoesTheDogDie.com, which has crowdsourced emotional spoilers for movies, tv, books, and more. Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

The Equelizers get a one tenth deduction for having their Jackson Eflin showing as they pitch Stick It 2: The Restitution of Hailey Graham. This week has it all: Arnold Schwarzeneggar, The Vickerman Wicker Man, and the tie-in no one will see coming!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes  The playlist for Jackson's soundtrack can be found here You can find the Gratuitous Pausing episode where Mike correctly picked the better sports movie here!

Surprise Freakquels! We did it again! Another popular streaming service picked up the rights to one of our pitches. The problem this time, though, is that we weren't allowed on set during the production. Join us as we watch and react to Space Jam: A New Legacy for the first time while discussing the various changes with a new friend/business partner. If you didn't catch our original Space Jam 2 pitch way back in 2018, you can listen to it here.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison R Jones Edited by Madison R Jones "Slamilton" by Psynwav

Batter up and hear our call! It's time for the Equelizers and some old TV friends to play ball. Grab a hot dog, a beer, and some nostalgia as we pitch (get it?) as sequel to the classic A League of Their Own (1992). This week has it all; Mike gushes over Babaloo Mandel's career. mole men, and a gadget that is "very expensive".   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes  "It Had to Be You" clip sung by Frank Sinatra

Mewtwo was dead to begin with as the Equelizers keep pokemon in their hearts all year round with A Detective Pikachu Christmas Carol! This week we reveal Richard Harris's Secret Last Role in Detective Pikachu!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

It's a tall old sequel and a strong old sequel this week as Madison takes on Mike's challenge to create a follow-up film and song for Johnny Tremain (1957)...which Madison sort of not really kind of did. This week has it all; Madison's writer pseudonym/porn name, Goblins, and Johnny makes a sacrifice.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes  Metal Gear Solid Theme by TAPPY & Harry Gregson-Williams "Liberty Tree" by  George Bruns with lyrics by Tom Blackburn

We steal ourselves a sequel as The Equelizers close the deal on Boss Baby 2: Grifter Baby! This week has it all: Our first Tee Shirt Idea, a lot of thinly veiled Abrams shade, and the roll Benicio Del Toro was born to play!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

Everybody wave their tiny arms and give us your best dinosaur yell for this week's episode where the Equelizers pitch their sequel to the gory and corny Tammy and the T-Rex! This week has it all; the Las Vegas morgue, brain juice, and Mike opens his prize from winning More Like This a few weeks ago!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison R Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Intro and Outro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes

This one really can't be summed up, gang. Good luck and we're sorry...again   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison R Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes

Get your tickets ready because the Equelizers spin their wheels a bit this week as they fight their way towards the front of the train to pitch the most logical and obvious sequel to Snowpiercer (2013). This week has it all but if we combine our powers, we can save this sequel and our planet!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison R Jones Edited by Madison R Jones Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes

This week it's jazz as The Equelizers return to The Hundred Acre Wood in The New Adventures of Christopher Robin! This week has it all: Disery, Piglet the cheeky Twink, and a lot less Hitler than you'd expect.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes Winnie The Pooh Theme cover by Bobmusic

It's your birthday, and The Equelizers want you to have fun with their sequel to Willy's Wonderland! This week has it all: The Buhl Feud Begins, The wildest More Like This, and Princess Panda No Fuck's Abstinence Only Amusement Park!   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Mike Knoll Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

Sit, Die, Repeat with us this week as we raise the stakes and put everybody's favorite 90's childcare workers into a time loop. This week has it all; Orange sniffs, Mrs. Haberman's secret past, and a Buzzfeed quiz that almost kills Mike.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Madison Jones Intro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes 

Move over Bea Arthur because Megan Knoll joins The Equelizers to bring The Wonders into their Golden Years with her sequel to Tom Hanks' That Thing You Do (1996) in That Thing You Deaux: Gold Guys! This week has Big Slytherin Energy.   Hosted by Mike Knoll and Madison Jones Edited by Michael Knoll Outro Song "Two Step Struttin'" by Banana Boyes   

We remind everyone that you aren't hardcore unless you live hardcore this week as we get the band back together for one sequel to School of Rock (2005) that could change the world. This week has it all; Lawerence gets his groove back, guerilla bass sessions, and we even do a skydiving guitar solo at one point. If you can't deal with it, then STEP OFF!