Podcasts about robert weiss out

Rob and Tami discuss some of the challenges a betrayed spouse might go through when learning to love and trust their addict again. Tami shares her thoughts about polygraphs and why they're not the end-all solution many betrayed spouses are hoping for. All of this and more on this week's episode!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:55] My SA has been lying to his CSAT. What should I do to prepare for our CSAT session together? His birthday is also coming up. How can we still have a good time? [3:45] What do you need to do to take care of yourself? [5:55] Do you currently trust your addict? If not, do not celebrate his birthday. [6:30] My SA has cancer. Doctors say his libido will decrease. Does that mean he is less likely to objectify women? [10:00] Dr. Rob, can you talk more about the polygraph and how accurate it is? [17:05] I am in recovery from chem sex. Am I improving or am I still objectifying my partner? [20:15] The affair will always feel exciting, but it is not real. [22:00] What is the definition of a love addict? [26:10] Dr. Rob offers his thoughts on couples therapy and why it still always starts and ends with you.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk in this week's episode about dealing with your addiction first before being able to get into a successful relationship that you want and deserve. They also talk about how integrity from your partner is important and why you need to set up healthy boundaries for yourself as your partner goes through recovery.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Do you treat addiction to sexual fantasy like addiction to porn? What are the recommended next steps to achieving real-life romance and/or sex? [1:10] Disappearing into fantasy is porn. Dr. Rob explains further. [2:30] Dr. Rob also shares how you can get into a successful relationship. [6:25] Therapy is helpful over time but having a group helps further to really recover from addiction. [7:35] Would erectile function return for a 70-year-old man? How long would it take to return? [8:35] Sex for older people means men may not get an erection. Dr. Rob shares his advice. [10:00] Tami shares her insights about how to not make sex the focus. [11:35] Can you help us structure our weekly progress meeting to work well? [12:25] Dr. Rob talks about empathic listening and how it is essential to improve relationships. [14:45] Tami also talks about how communication should be a give and take. [17:10] Dr. Rob shares two ways on how not to get into conflict with each other during these meetings. [18:20] My husband says he is not homosexual. Is he acting out with same-sex relationships due to childhood trauma? [20:44] If you have been abused, you might reenact it, but Dr. Rob explains further how it's different when dealing with homosexuality. [22:55] Tami adds that your husband is still cheating on you and explains why. [24:40] My boyfriend is a professional musician who cheated on me. How do I stop being triggered by women who still attend his concerts? How do I start to be able to focus on my own life again? [25:25] The women did not do this to you, it was your boyfriend's choice to cheat on you. [28:05] Dr. Rob talks about two situations where sex addicts are most likely to act out: unstructured time and travel.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami talk about focusing on your internal recovery first before seeking to make peace with your spouses. It's important to face your truth,  build on your recovery journey, and build emotional resilience to manage the day-to-day things that happen in life.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] My SA husband confessed he felt aroused when he saw our nine-year old granddaughter wearing a bathing suit. Does that mean he is attracted to children? Or is it triggered from adult pornography he has viewed? [1:45] Tami shares her discomfort with polygraphs. [3:25] Dr. Rob adds that people who admit to something like that often have something more they have not yet said.  [7:55] What is a restitution letter? [9:30] Restitution is not only lip service, but there also needs to be a recovery plan. Tami explains further. [11:05] My husband is having trouble finding a twelve-step group that works with his work schedule and it isn't so religiously based. [11:45] Spirituality and religion mean different things for different people. Dr. Rob explains the twelve-step program. [16:10] Dr. Rob shares that internal recovery is important to achieve first before making peace with your spouse.  [17:15] Should all slips be discussed with the wife, the therapist, and the sponsor? [18:05] Dr. Rob shares to value honesty despite dealing with being cheated.  [20:10] Can you please explain reenactment? To be specific, why would an addict act out 99% with the same sex?  [22:20] A duck that walks like a duck must be a duck. Dr. Rob shares what he said to a couple he once counseled.  [27:03] How do you build psychological resilience? Is the lack of it the cause of addiction? [28:00] Dr. Rob explains what is a lack of psychological resilience that can lead to addiction.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami share from their own experience about recovery not being an absolute but a constant effort of working through your struggle. Growing honesty and owning up to your recovery every day is very important in order for change to happen and make a positive difference.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How do you create a healthy sex plan?  [2:40] Dr. Rob explains what sex and intimacy looks like within recovery.  [5:00] Are there tips on how to regain trust and emotional sobriety so my wife can see me differently? [6:05] Acting out is a symptom. Tami talks more on the importance of addressing the underlying issue. Polygraphs are not a reliable method of truth detection. [7:25] Dr. Rob explains how growing honesty and giving someone a chance to fail is important. [9:20] It's on the betrayed spouse to set comfortable boundaries for the addict in recovery to follow. [10:45] Addicts can change. Tami and Dr. Rob are living proof of that. The difference is taking action. [13:10] Dr. Robs asks to reflect on how you treat others and the rules you live by which requires a constant reevaluation of your decisions. [17:35] Recovery is not absolute. It's a struggle for the rest of our lives and the key to regaining trust is honesty not perfection. [18:25] My SA husband confessed that he had been aroused when he saw our nine-year-old granddaughter in her bathing suit. Does this mean he is a pedophile?    [20:15] Dr. Rob advises to pay attention to the confession but not jump into conclusions. There are definitely issues and further evaluations can help to understand this better. [21:05] Dr. Rob shares the difference between being an addict and a sex offender.   [22:20] Dr. Rob talks about Ouija Mystifying Mints that his spouse bought for him from a Halloween store and what it means. [24:00] My SA spouse moved out of the house on Friday. I still hope for a reconciliation, but I needed boundaries from his continued anger, blame shifting, and lying to me. He relapsed last week, and I can see that he's trying to cover his tracks. Do I tell his CSAT? [24:30] Your sanity is worth more than the sadness that you feel when you are not together. [28:05] Do you have a suggestion on how to navigate dual addiction? I am a sex and meth addict. [29:00] Dr. Rob explains what treatment programs exist for people with dual addicitons.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer this week's questions that focus on how to deal with relapsing addicts coming out of treatment. Betrayed spouses shouldn't accept too much from the recovering addict's behavior. They need to take care of themselves first and need to think about their own future, assessing if they would be happier staying or leaving to focus on themselves. Everybody gets to choose.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:15] In your experience, do you find people with porn addiction to have a tendency to relapse and what is the best way for me to handle it?  [2:00] Tami talks about what is a porn blocker vs. a filter and which of the two options can work best. [3:25] Slip vs relapse. Dr. Rob talks about the difference between the two. [6:30] Spouses shouldn't be too nice and should pay attention to the deception an addict is causing around them.  [10:15] Some addicts out of treatment could be overwhelmed as they are vulnerable but that's part of the process. [11:00] After 40 years of marriage and 3 years of separation, my husband hasn't rebuilt trust. My counselor says my husband is ‘remarkable' for supporting me financially during the separation. Any suggestions for me?  [12:10] The counsel from your therapist is an abuse. Dr. Rob explains how.  [13:55] Dr. Rob advises to focus on having a good life rather than having a person constantly leaving and mistrusting. [14:50] How can I help my husband become more transparent? Sometimes he leaves pieces of his story out because he believes they aren't important but when I ask questions he reveals info that I feel is so incredibly important. [16:25] It is not your job to make someone be more transparent.  [19:45] What healthy boundary do you need to set? Tami asks to set your safety boundaries and meet your needs first.  [20:55] My SA husband primarily acted out through fantasy and masterbation. We have a full therapeutic disclosure coming up in a few weeks. I'm wondering how much detail I should ask about?  [21:20] Dr. Rob advises to write all possible questions you have and bring it to your therapist or support groups to ask for feedback. [24:15] If the answers you get does not help you feel good about yourself and your relationship moving forward, you are best to avoid the question.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami understand that being with a sex addict for years can be hard to accept. They answer a question from a betrayed spouse who has been separated from her partner for over three years, and still sees no progress in his addiction despite him going to CSAT meetings. What should she do? Dr. Rob and Tami also answer a question on what good and healthy couples therapy looks like, and what they should do prior to going into a session in this week's episode.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My addict says he has the same feelings for me as he does the affair partner. What the hell does that mean?  [4:40] I am having sexual performance issues with my partner. What can I do?  [8:15] When Dr. Rob got sober from drugs, he didn't want to have sex at all.  [10:00] My husband, who I am separated from, still acts out. What can I do? [15:10] My spouse wants me to attend men-only meetings. The ones I go to are working, what do I do?  [19:15] What does couple's therapy look like? [23:15] My wife wants a divorce and I am struggling to show up for her. How can I show her I care about her?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse that is having a hard time moving forward a year after her SA's disclosure. She wants to know the names of the women he cheated on her with. Dr. Rob and Tami explore why knowing more answers does not give you the closure and healing you are seeking, what to do, and some of the best ways you can move forward in your marriage despite the hurt.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I have been in recovery for the past 10 months.  [8:10] Every guy I've dated watches porn and tries to keep it a secret. Are they addicts? [11:40] My disclosure was a year ago and I want to know who my husband's affair partners were. Can I ask for their names? [15:00] I've been in recovery for a long time and now I've been triggered. All I want to do is act out. How do I keep sober? [20:30] As someone in SA recovery, can I explore kinks?  [23:30] My betrayed wife is getting triggered. I've been falling on my sword, but it's also triggering me. What do I do?  [31:00] The moment you get the names of your husband's affair partners, it'll just be like a rock rolling down a hill.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions around betrayal trauma and how to help your betrayed partner find safety. They invite you to read Dr. Rob's books, listen to podcasts, join support groups and workshops to not only work on your recovery but find the right support group as well!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] It has been 10 months since I disclosed to my wife my use of porn and lies. She has tried to work things out with me but has been asking for a divorce back and forth. How do I know if this is my wife in betrayal trauma?  [2:15] Dr. Rob shares that he hears from spouses who ask for a divorce that they see a lack of empathy from their partners for what they're going through.  [3:05] With Dr. Rob's book, Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught, men can get a clue on how to make up for the pain of betrayal to a woman. [8:30] Tami shares about the Sex Addiction 101 Workgroup starting this Saturday and the last opportunity for the year for the Couples Healing From Betrayal Workshop!  [10:00] I'm male, gay, 51, married and a sex addict. I've been unemployed since April 2020 and want to go back to work but my husband says I was acting out while I was working. Should I make going back to work a personal boundary? [10:50] Dr. Rob explains on how not to keep doing things that put our partners in pain.  [13:25] Tami also shares that looking for a different workplace and being engaged in recovery can help make your partner feel safe.  [15:40] My husband revealed that he had acted out with my best friend of 40 years many years ago. I have decided to end the friendship as I no longer see her the same way. He offered to make the call for me to end the friendship and part of me wants to take the offer so he feels the consequence of his actions. What are your thoughts? [17:10] Dr. Rob shares the importance of having professional support and people behind you when making these decisions. [23:00] My SA/LA husband left for treatment three weeks ago at the Gratitude Program in Mississippi for eight weeks. I'm trying to focus on my recovery while also working a full time job and taking care of our four month old son. It seems as though he is making progress but I am still fearful that he will come home and nothing will change. Any recommendations on how to stay positive? [24:35] Before recommending anyone going to a program, extensive research must first be done. Dr. Rob shares more of his insights on this. [28:10] Tami adds that worrying about what happens after eight weeks is not going to help you with your stress level so your primary focus should only be your self care and your baby. [32:05] How do you deal with constant sexual fantasies on a daily basis? Is there a way to turn your thinking around? [33:55] Dr. Rob advises to focus on other people and get support. Stop trying to get your thinking around and instead think about what you can do that makes you feel good about yourself.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how you can help someone when they refuse to see themselves as an addict. Dr. Rob has unfortunately seen this happen with recovering addicts, who one day have a revelation that they're not an addict, they're just ‘sexually librated'. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about the difference between casual porn use vs. when it's a problem, and ho to handle shame and guilt when you're on a path to recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My partner doesn't think he's a sex addict. He thinks he has an integrity disorder. What do I do?  [5:25] What kind of marriage do you want at the end of the day? You can set the rules too! [8:20] As a betrayed spouse, I am grieving the loss of the beautiful memories we shared together. How do I process this pain?  [12:00] Addicts are mentally ill.  [12:45] I am obsessed with my ex's affair partner. How do I get over this?  [15:50] 90 days clean. My wife has seen everything on my phone. How can I build trust with her?  [19:20] How do you know the difference between casual porn use vs. addiction-level porn use?  [22:20] As a betrayed partner, when can we have sex again?  [26:15] I always feel shame and guilt after sharing in meetings. What can I do? [29:55] Your best thinking is what got you here in the first place.  [31:00] Addiction is just a symptom. Therapy helps you get under the service, but not everyone can afford it.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami dive in and answer questions about healthy sexuality, working through triggers and grief, sociopaths and more. Seeking help and knowing when to walk away are important factors into your recovery. They're also starting an online series specifically for porn addicts. Tune in to find out more!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How would you describe healthy sexuality for singles who want to wait for marriage? [2:15] No one is required to have sex and in a certain circumstance. You get to do what is right for you and for your partner. [3:15] Testosterone levels are affected by age. [4:25] My husband is a porn addict in recovery. I'm constantly triggered when he looks at other women. How can I get past these triggers? [5:50] Dr. Rob and Tami talk about their online series about porn addicts. Check out their website to know more! [8:10] The more you focus on your own recovery, the less you are triggered about what he's doing or not doing. [10:50] How often are sex and porn addicts also sociopaths? [11:15] Dr. Rob compares narcissistic people with sociopaths to answer this question. [16:55] I separated from my addict husband after 37 years of marriage. After 2 years of leaving him, I still feel grief and loneliness. Should I start dating again? [17:35] Dr. Rob and Tami commends the listener for leaving and for taking care of herself. [18:45] We don't stop our connection with someone because something happened. Grieving is natural. Dr. Rob and Tami share what you can do to get past this. [22:25] Can you describe the concept of eroticized rage? [23:25] Is sex and addition more difficult to recover from for someone who ranks higher on the sex addiction assessments?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

In this week's episode, Rob and Tami talk about the 12-step program, ambivalent love and how partners can support addicts through their own roller coaster of emotions during betrayal. Rob and Tami reiterate that only you can take care of yourself and get to control how you feel in any situation.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My boyfriend sexualizes strangers on Tinder. Is this behaviour healthy or normal? [1:10] Dr. Rob explains that not all people see the underlying issue and justify their behaviours. [4:10] What's the best way for an SA and PA to learn rigorous honesty and how long does it take to get there? [05:11] Dr. Rob and Tami talk about the 12-step program and how it helps you become a better person. [09:18] SA's husband is still in denial. How can they help him get past this? [14:00] Only you can take care of yourself. Dr. Rob and Tami expound on this further. [16:15] Dr. Rob shares more advice on how to deal with the roller coaster of emotions for betrayed partners of sex and porn addicts. [21:05] I'm a female sex addict since I was five years old. I'm in recovery but have had 16 relapses. Do you have some tips for me? [25:50] I do not trust my husband to not lie to me. How can I better recover more and get to a point of trusting again?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com 12-Step Videos Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions. Everything from betrayal, understanding whether your relationship was all a lie, and other tales of recovering from addiction. One female listener asked if he's asking for specific sexual activities, is it an indicator that he is a gay man in hiding? Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts in this week's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I help my spouse with her feelings of betrayal?  [2:35] Is my husband idolizing strangers when he is acting out? [4:55] How do I do sober dating?  [7:05] My partner wants to do anal. Does that mean he's gay?  [10:55] My husband has been lying to me while in couple's therapy for the first 15 months. I feel like our entire relationship was a lie. Was it ever real?  [14:30] Grieving your past relationship is part of the process. You can grow stronger together, but you both have to be willing to do the work. [14:40] What kind of activities can I do with my wife to build a new connection? [18:15] My identity was intertwined with a love addiction I had with a man. Now that we're no longer together, I feel lost.  [21:40] My husband has been acting out with the same prostitute for the last 14 years! What?! Is this a love or sex addiction? Is there hope for us? We've been married for 30 years.   [26:15] Need support or resources? Email Tami! She's here to help.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Deeperdating.com

Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts on prenup and post-nup agreements. Do they work? Are they a good indicator that the relationship is moving forward? Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about when it's time to separate from an addict and focus on yourself, especially if he has crossed certain legal boundaries.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What are your thoughts on postnups for the addict and the betrayed spouse?  [3:00] How do I have sex without disassoiating? I don't know how to have sex while being emotionally sober. [6:15] My addict is worried he'll become non-sexual if he works the program. He feels a lot of shame. What should we do?  [9:35] My husband has been acting out and I got an STD. He's now a convicted sex offender and says he'll never do it again, what do you think? [14:00] My addict hasn't reached out for help, but he keeps promising to do so. Should I stick with it or separate from him?  [18:15] Couples therapy doesn't solve addiction issues. You need additional support.  [20:35] I want to reconcile with my wife. How can I support her during this painful time?  [23:40] Am I a love addict?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions in this week's episode. A listener writes in and asks if experiencing sex withdrawals after 13 days is normal, another is seeking advice and solace for being ridiculed by their siblings that they go to therapy, and Dr. Rob and Tami weigh in on what to do when a partner wants to manage all the finances, especially after a large betrayal. All this and more!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I grew up in a dysfunctional household and my siblings are punishing me for going to therapy. They think they're perfect. Is it really just me that's got problems?  [4:10] You're in recovery now. You get to choose who you hang out with.  [7:10] Dr. Rob, what are your thoughts on impulsive, abusive sexual disorders? [8:40] I'm 13 days in, are sex withdrawls real?  [12:55] My betrayed partner wants to manage all of my money. How do I rebuild my finances?  [15:40] We're so focused on ourselves that we've missed the kind of harm that we've caused.  [17:50] My betrayed spouse thinks I'm still hiding my addiction. What do I do? [26:25] Spouses can't handle the constant lies. They just want to know the truth and feel safe again.  [26:50] I'm having trouble working past fear and shame issues. What should I do?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

A listener writes in and asks Dr. Rob and Tami about what to do after finding out that her partner of seven years still sleeps with his ex-wife, and is unwilling to cut her off because she is still the mother of his kids. Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice on best steps forward, but if a partner is unwilling to put his recovery first and foremost to live a life of integrity, this is a bad sign that he's still not ready for a relationship with you.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How does a sex addict treat their affair partner so well, but their married partner so poorly? [2:10] My partner of seven years is an addict and cheated on me with his ex wife for the last three years. She also has some health conditions and he doesn't want to cut her off, so what do I do?  [6:35] My addict won't admit he's an addict. How do I help him? [11:05] My addict doesn't want to do a formal closure! Does this mean he is still lying?  [16:00] I can't seem to find a sponsor in my group. Any advice?  [18:40] I still struggle with sexual desires. Will I ever be able to recover? [21:25] My husband is a sex addict and doesn't believe he has gaslit me. Can someone be a SA without gaslighting?  [27:15] We're about to start a formal closure. What should we prepare for?  [33:10] My wife is still upset after two years. How can I best comfort her?  RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

A listener asks how they can overcome their religious shame, move forward in their addiction, and develop a sense of healthy sexuality. No matter what the religion might be, if you've grown up in a very conserative background, it can be incredibly hard to normalize sexual behaviors. You put sex addiction on top of it, it can be a very confusing space to navigate in. Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts on some of the best ways to work through this shame while also respecting your sobriety in this week's episode.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How do we rebuild trust when my addict was in recovery and still lying to me? [1:30] Trust is built by honest and reliable actions over time. [3:55] Need support? Reach out to Tami. She is here to help! [7:35] We did a formal disclosure. I am in shock. Who is this person I married? [12:50] Often times, we use sex as reassurance. [13:45] I'm on my way to recovery, I have slipped up, but how do I improve my communication with my spouse? He doesn't believe my addiction is real. [17:40] How do I work with my religious shame? [22:35] Spouses are often looking for reasons to not leave. This is why honesty, even when it hurts, is important.  [23:25] He feels micromanaged and needs space. Is this normal? [26:20] How involved should the betrayed partner be involved in the addict's recovery? [27:30] My betrayed spouse is pushing back on therapy. What can I do to help her?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Dr. Rob and Tami dive in and answer questions about the recovery community, the differences between sex addiciton and being a sex offender, and why addicts have intimacy disorders. Connection is scary for an addict, this is why they often seek external forces to escape and numb out. On your journey to recovery, it's about uncovering your blocks to intimacy and re-learning how to connect with another human being in a healthy way again.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] What is a relapse and why is a recovery community important?  [2:40] Therapy ends, but 12 step meetings do not.  [6:00] What's the difference between a sex addict and a sex offender?  [9:55] My partner is a sex addict. Are addicts responsible for their actions or do they have no control?  [11:10] Acting out is just a symptom of the problem.  [14:00] Prodependence seems a bit complicated. Is there a simplified version?  [15:55] All addicts, including alcoholics, have intimacy disorders. They want to escape and numb out.  [17:05] Is sexual abuse common among love addicts? [21:20] What's the difference between an addict vs. someone who just cheats repeatedly?  [23:55] Your husband is regularly cheating? Please, please protect your health.  [24:15] What's the difference between sobriety vs. recovery? [27:30] Dr. Rob explains the saying: ‘Whatever I put in front of my recovery. I will lose'.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into sexual orientation and whether it's a byproduct of childhood abuse or not. Why do ‘straight' married men cheat on their wives with gay men? What's going on there? Rob and Tami also offer advice on what to do as the betrayed spouse when your addict is finally calling it quits and they want to leave the relationship.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do you distinguish between sex addiction and sexual orientation childhood truama issues?  [1:25] Sexual orientation is defined before birth.  [3:45] The problem is not being gay or homosexual. The problem is how you live with it. [6:20] What kinds of tools can we use to avoid being triggered?   [7:15] Your desire to have sex with strangers is not about sex. It's about escape. [9:05] My addict wants to leave me, but I still want to help him. What do I do?  [12:25] Unfortunately, the moment you try to ‘help' and bring up difficult problems that the addict doesn't want to deal with, they're running into the arms of another person.  [14:55] Does mother/son enmeshment impact the recovery of the addict?  [16:10] Demands from a demanding parent can betray your romantic relationship.  [17:45] Why am I so cranky when trying to get sober?  [20:50] I'm an addict. How do I learn empathy?  [24:05] Dr. Rob, can you clarify on what you said about the Atlanta shooter?  [26:55] My husband is in recovery and he is finding himself ‘burnt out' from all the work he's doing. What can I do to keep him motivated?  [30:45] You deserve someone who is proving they've changed through their actions.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss The Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast Overcomingenmeshment.com

Rob and Tami first want to clear the air on how addicts are not bad people, they are broken people, but inherently they are not evil. This is a common misconception because of all the harm and destruction they've caused in people's lives. It's just a way for them to cope with their own insecurities and demons. Rob also answers the question on ‘who' your addict truly is. A betrayed spouse doesn't know which version to believe anymore and Rob offers some insight on what to expect next.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My partner is an addict, but I'm frustrated by the lack of progress. What do I do? [6:25] You have every right to be frustrated by his lack of progress! Protect yourself. [8:45] The less progress you see from him, the less engaged you should be. [9:05] Is porn and sex addiction always a progressive illness? [12:15] Did I marry a mask of a man or was he always the person I loved just the addiction finally took over? [16:55] Dr. Rob can you talk about the Atlanta spa shooter who claims he is a sex addict? [21:00] Can I change my sexual arousal template? [23:30] I've been clean for 3 months, but my partner doesn't think I'm doing enough. How can I convince her I'm on the straight and narrow? [29:45] Find a therapist that specifically deals with sex addiction.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into how an addict's brain works and why it can be frustrating as a betrayed spouse to see your addict lie and cheat for years, but only try to change after they get caught. Why does this happen? Why can't they just do the right thing? Rob sheds some light on this and also answers some of your burning questions about addiction, intimacy, and finding a good sponsor.     TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Do addicts trust themselves?  [2:05] During the first week of treatment, addicts go through a lot of confronting and learn to stop being in denial.  [3:15] My sex addict acts like ‘such a good person' around our children. Everyone in the family knows why we're separated. How should I react?  [6:10] How can my addict cheat and lie and feel no guilt...until he's caught?  [9:10] Addicts tend to only have tunnel vision. It's a reaction to the adrenaline they're experiencing.  [11:30] How long should we wait after disclosure to be intimate again? [13:10] Betrayed spouses can take up to a year, maybe more, before they feel safe enough to have sex again with their partner. [15:20] What should I look for in a sponsor? [19:15] Dr. Rob shares some of the free resources he has that are available to addicts. [23:15] Addiction hurts everyone. You can do this. You can change. [25:00] Every addict has a justification on why they did what they did. They blame everyone except themselves.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

علاش النّاس يخّدعو النّاس لي يحبّوهم؟ Based on the work of: Esther Perel: "Why Do People Cheat?" Robert Weiss: "Out of the Dog House."

Rob and Tami received an alarming question from a betrayed spouse who is also the sex addict's accountability partner. Ouch! Save yourself the emotional and physical pain and get out of that position. An accountability partner is supposed to keep your addict accountable. You have a different role to play as a betrayed and hurt spouse. Rob and Tami also talk about why it can be so hard to stop loving someone who has repeatedly hurt you throughout your marriage. Why do you keep going back? What's wrong with you? There's nothing wrong with you. It's just called love.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] What does a typical treatment plan look like? [2:15] Your partner should not be your sponsor/accountability buddy. No! [3:55] If you want to repair your relationship, it's about having a bit of humility and showing your partner that you are doing the work. [6:45] Should I be worried that my addict and his affair partner are both drug addicts? [9:00] Rob works with a lot of men who have had repeated affair partners. They have a decision split and they don't know how to decide between their marriage or the exciting new person. [11:40] I am struggling with reconciling with my partner. Married for over 35 years. I love him, but I don't trust him. What should I do? [14:40] Before you get back with your addict, you need to see him rebuild himself into a respectable man with integrity. Don't go back until he does. [16:00] Should you tell your kids about your sex addiction? [18:15] You might want information from your husband about who he's been with, but it's going to hurt you more than help you. [21:15] I trusted him so much. How could he have done this? He won't open up and talk to me. [25:55] What is your addict doing? Is he showing up to therapy and support groups? He needs to show you he's working on himself. [27:00] I want social media transparency with my sex addict, but he's got mother enmeshment/incest trauma. What should I do? [31:10] How do we deal with and fix intergenerational addiction?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss everything from conversion therapy, turning into a workaholic while in recovery, and so much more. Rob and Tami also talk about how to build an emotional connection again with your addict when he's in recovery. If you feel like he's emotionless, not empathetic, and uncaring, realize that it takes time for an addict to reconnect with themselves. They've been so closed off and have adopted unhealthy ways of coping for so long, that they don't even know how to love you the way you need to be loved. Recovery is a process.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] Is same-sex attraction a form of addiction?  [2:50] If you're in recovery, you shouldn't be hanging out with men who are cheating on their wives. [3:45] Does conversion therapy work? [4:50] My SA husband seems to have become a workaholic. What do I do? [6:25] It's a rule for Dr. Rob that his patients do not work more than 45 hours a week. And they have demanding jobs! [7:50] Addiction is like a game of whack-a-mole. [10:15] I think I'm a love addict. I'm so desperate for the affection of other people. How do I manage this? [12:45] Dr. Rob was single for 9 years while he worked on his recovery. Now, he's been married for over 20+ years. [15:10] When you're in such desperation to fill a gap in your life, you find the wrong people. [16:25] I feel bad when I have sex. I don't get it. Is it my partner or is it me? [21:30] How can I ask for more care and empathy while he's in recovery? [23:15] Becoming a more empathic person takes a long time! [26:25] What do you mean the relationship I know and love is gone after D-Day? [28:30] Going back to the way things were is just not going to happen. [30:45] Your partner needs to feel safe.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about the tricky balance recovering sex addicts experience when they want to be in an intimate and caring relationship, without falling back into their addiction. Being in recovery and not having sex deprives us of our most basic desire, and that's connection. As humans, we yearn for intimacy and closeness. We are meant to have a partner by our side, and here's how you can do it in a healthy way without relapsing!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] My SA husband doesn't want to talk about his addiction. ‘What's in the past is in the past.' What should I do? [1:55] Who has the power here? It's you! [3:15] Why can't some SAs perform within the marriage but yet have no problem doing it with people outside of the marriage? [8:20] Do addicts turn their partners into their mothers? [10:45] I don't have any childhood trauma, yet I ended up with a sex addict. What happened? [13:30] I've been clean for 2 years, but I don't want to connect with anyone sexually because I don't want to relapse. Please help. [16:25] My mother is schizophrenic. How can I have a healthy relationship with her without relapsing? [21:55] I lost my marriage due to my addiction. How can I process this without acting out? [26:30] My partner found out about my addiction. How do I show my partner I am working on it?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about breaking the pattern of impulsive acts, discovering you've fallen in love with someone who doesn't love you back as an addict, and so much more on this week's episode! Dr. Rob has seen breakthroughs with couples who have been betrayed for years as well as people who've fully recovered from chem sex addiction, recovery IS IN the cards for you. Just keep making progress one day at a time!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Wouldn't it just be easier to leave the addict? I don't trust him alone with the kids. [3:30] Trust can be restored. Dr. Rob has seen people repair their relationship after it being broken for 30 years.  [6:45] I'm acting impulsive and breaking agreements. How do I fix this?  [11:25] I'm a chem sex addict and I realize I have to let my partner go. How do I say clean?  [14:45] Dr. Rob shares a story of a partner leaving him and the grief he felt.  [19:45] People don't do drugs and have sex at the same time for no reason.  [21:00] Am I a sex/love addict? Am I narcissistic?  [23:45] How do I proceed with my betrayed spouse?  [26:10] What's the purpose of disclosing with your partner?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about how to deal with family conflict, especially if the family dynamics are unhealthy and riddled with addiction. Dr. Rob offers a different perspective on how you can forgive, and be grateful, for the caretakers in your life despite all of their shortcomings. Remember, addiction is a mental illness and your caretakers were just mentally ill.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I find myself feeling sad when I have feelings of joy. What's going on? [3:50] My dad is a sex addict and my mom is a gambler. How do I be grateful vs. distance myself from these people? [9:15] I'm a love addict and my ex is now engaged. How do I cope? [13:10] My husband had an ongoing love relationship with a prostitute. I'm not sure what to do? [20:15] Can a love addict also practice prodependence? [22:45] What's the difference between love and sex addiction? [25:20] Can you be asexual and a sex addict at the same time? [27:25] Our teenage daughter knows we have problems. When is it a good time to tell her why?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about betrayal in a marriage and how it takes the spouse a lot longer than you might think to ‘get over it'. It is frustrating seeing your significant other in so much pain, but the best way to help him or her overcome that hurt is through showing them day by day that you're committed 100% in your recovery process and you are becoming a changed person.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I've been sober for a year and 8 months. Married for 28 years and still working on it. My wife is still angry. How do I help her? [4:45] What are the different ways ‘love addict' is used? [9:40] I feel stuck in my journey. It's been over two years since d'day and my wife is still upset. What can I do? [13:45] Addiction is a 24/7 issue. You have to always be working on it. [18:00] Dr. Rob and Tami talk about God and spirituality and how that helps with healing. [18:55] I just found out my husband has slept with over 70 women over the course of our marriage. I am in shock. What do I even do? Can he be fixed? [22:15] How do I know if my addict is ‘just going through the motions' or if he's committed to recovery? [26:40] I'm 28 and I have never been on a date. I feel like I can't do it until I am ‘catch'. Is this wrong?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about prodependence and share why broken people seek other broken people. If you're an emotional 4, anyone higher on the ‘healthy' scale is going to seem too boring to you, or vice versa, they see you as someone with too much drama. You are not a victim for loving who you love.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dr. Rob, can you please clarify something in your book, Prodependence? [7:25] If you're an emotional 4, you're going to find other emotional 4s because emotional 8s are going to appear ‘too boring'. [9:30] What's wrong with the addict vs. what's wrong with the partners loving their addicts? [13:25] We didn't come into the relationship with issues, our addict just masked a better version of themselves to us. Dr. Rob shares his thoughts on this. [18:05] I'm a single man with sexual needs. I see escorts. Am I a sex addict? [22:40] Are you running away from intimacy? [26:20] I'm a love addict and a lot of people have left my life. I feel really alone, what do I do?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about the biggest emotion you should fear in your marriage is not hate, it’s indifference. When they no longer care, that’s when you know the relationship can not be salvaged. They also share how you can recover from a betrayal, and how long it truly takes to ‘heal’ an addiction.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dissociation and decompartmentalization, how does it work? [3:50] Addicts don’t trust that people can soothe and comfort us. [6:25] At the end of the day, reality is what wins. [8:00] How long does it take to really heal from sexual addiction? [15:35] Been with your addict for a long time? Tami and Rob have a support group for you. [16:35] How does an addict’s emotional abuse get addressed at Seeking Integrity? [20:45] When should I tell my daughter about our toxic relationship? [23:40] My wife is hurt beyond belief. She wants to know how to make the pain stop? [29:15] Partners are searching through everything you have because they’re looking for reasons to stay. [29:45] The opposite of love is indifference.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss   QUOTES “Addicts don’t trust that other people can soothe and comfort us. We’re the only ones who we believe can make ourselves feel better.” “We don’t ever heal addiction. Addiction is a form of mental illness.” “If you pursue your recovery with the same energy you pursued when you’re acting out, you’ll do really well, but it’s going to take a lot.”

Rob and Tami answer this week's burning questions. Can you forgive an addict who has raped someone? This is a tough situation to be for anyone, but Rob and Tami share their thoughts on what it means to have a second chance. They also answer questions about childhood neglect, and why it's so heartbreaking to see an addict with so much potential choose their addiction over their family/friends/their life.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:50] Is it too late to see the good in an addict, even if they raped someone? [3:25] Forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for the other person. [6:15] Recovery is all about honesty. [8:20] My addict keeps acting out with very successful women. Is this need for approval connected to childhood neglect? [13:45] Why do addicts keep getting stuck in their addiction? [18:40] How do you discern misogynistic behavior vs. sex addiction? [21:00] Why do some men have to get the attention of any pretty girl that walks by? [26:00] What do healthy men do, on a normal day? [28:50] Why is it important to not sleep around so often? [35:00] 95% of all self-help books are bought by women! Men think they've already got it figured out.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami share why recovery is so important and that you cannot go through this journey alone. For many people who are in recovery, they have seen the long-lasting effects it has had on their life and it's completely changed their whole life outlook and outcome. Rob and Tami also talk about the differences between addictive behavior and compulsive behavior, and why an addict might become paranoid after he's been ‘outed' by a spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband has a new ‘best' female friend. I'm uncomfortable with this relationship. [2:35] This man is abusive! You as the spouse need to set boundaries. [5:45] He says you're jealous and controlling. No. He is in the wrong here. [8:00] I got COVID from a sex worker. How do I cope that I've put others in danger because of my addiction? [11:45] Recovery changes the trajectory of your life. [12:35] What is the difference between hypersexuality and OCD? [14:55] What is the difference between addictive behavior and compulsive behavior? [17:30] My husband is paranoid and is collecting evidence to use against me in case I'll ever take legal action against him. Is this normal? [21:25] You need a support group for your unique challenges. [22:55] It can take 3-4 years to grieve the loss of your relationship, and the person you fell in love with. [24:50] My husband still can not accept himself or be accountable for his actions despite his addiction revealed in 2019. Can he change? [26:40] You deserve love and support, but not all addicts know how to give it. [28:10] An addict is afraid you're going to react badly to them.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami share their thoughts on what to do when a trusted friend or family member is threatening to ‘out' your addict. This is cruel behavior, but not everyone understands that addicts can recover. Unfortunately, you can not control what others do, only how you can react to it. Rob and Tami also share why it takes so long for addicts to develop intimacy, and how to overcome compulsive lying when in recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I told my sister that my husband is an addict. Big Mistake. She's threatening to tell the rest of the family. What do I do?  [7:00] Tell your sister what the cost of this would be. She is going to damage the relationship beyond repair. [8:25] Intimacy and connection are uncomfortable for my SA husband. What do I do? [10:55] Addicts need to be trained on how to develop intimacy. This might be the first time they've ever had to undergo this process. [11:40] If a husband cheated on his wife, is he not responsible for feeling angry at him?  [17:00] I struggle with trusting others, even my sponsor. How can I overcome this and stop lying to people?  [23:35] My husband has been acting out. When will he stop?  [27:25] There are different forms of therapy. Rob explains the different methods and why it's important to seek out the right one for your needs.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about when to call it quits in a marriage, even if you spent over 4 decades with your addict. Is your addict showing signs of improvement? Does he want to get better? Or does he keep lying? Rob and Tami also talk about the military's stigma to mental health issues and how to help a member of the military that's so obviously in pain with their addiction, depression, and thoughts of suicide.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband is tired of recovery. What do I do?  [5:45] My husband is in the military and if they find out about his mental health struggles, it could be career ending. How do we do an intervention? [9:25] Sex addiction is often just the tip of the iceberg. There are underlying issues occurring.  [12:25] My addict has no empathy and this whole recovery process has just gotten worse for me. [18:05] My husband has relapsed. Should I stay in the home or separate for now?  [21:00] What does it take to really maintain a relationship?  [24:05] I didn't get help for my addiction and now my girlfriend is gone. Did I really cheat?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami share their thoughts on some of this week's questions. Why does a man fall in love with a sex worker? And if he keeps going back to the brothel, but swears he hasn't acted out, does that still count as him acting out his addiction? Rob and Tami explain why it's important to set boundaries as the betrayed spouse, and stick to them when an addict starts to relapse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I was sexually abused by my cousins and my brother, I've done work on myself, am I still a sex addict? [5:00] Are you a sex addict? Does the label really matter if your recovery is working? [5:20] I'm a betrayed spouse, together with him for 31 years, when will this all be over and we can be normal again? [13:45] Sex workers know how to play on the ‘hero syndrome' of men. This is one of the many reasons why men keep coming back for more. [16:00] What filtering and blocking software should you use? [20:00] My addict keeps relapsing, what do I do? [24:55] Addicts often ask for forgiveness first (and not permission) after they've acted out. [27:15] How do I keep up with being sober?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about the biggest emotion you should fear in your marriage is not hate, it's indifference. When they no longer care, that's when you know the relationship can not be salvaged. They also share how you can recover from a betrayal, and how long it truly takes to ‘heal' an addiction.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dissociation and decompartmentalization, how does it work?  [3:50] Addicts don't trust that people can soothe and comfort us.  [6:25] At the end of the day, reality is what wins. [8:00] How long does it take to really heal from sexual addiction? [15:35] Been with your addict for a long time? Tami and Rob have a support group for you.  [16:35] How does an addict's emotional abuse get addressed at Seeking Integrity?  [20:45] When should I tell my daughter about our toxic relationship?  [23:40] My wife is hurt beyond belief. She wants to know how to make the pain stop?  [29:15] Partners are searching through everything you have because they're looking for reasons to stay.  [29:45] The opposite of love is indifference.  RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions about addiction, building intimacy, and the steps needed to fully heal from your past traumas and wounds. If you don't work on yourself, then you will forever be caught in an ‘addiction' cycle where you just replace one drug for the next.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What's the difference between how sex addicts fall in love vs. non-sex addicts? [2:35] What is avoidant attachment style?  [4:50] Want something different? You have to take a step into vulnerability.  [6:15] Addicts cut themselves off from the love they might get.  [8:25] Rob has worked with crack addicts who have taken their child's college fund to go buy drugs.  [10:10] Just because you've stopped drinking and acting out of your marriage, that doesn't mean the other problems are fixed.  [12:45] If you don't work on yourself, then you're just playing whack-a-mole on your addictions. [13:40] How long till ‘no empathy' becomes a red flag?  [18:30] You're the person closest to him, which means you're the scariest person to him. [22:25] Do sex addicts repeat things in therapy like a parrot but don't fully ‘understand' what they're saying yet?  [26:00] What are the stages of healing?  [29:50] No one can force an addict to cheat or not cheat. They are responsible for their actions.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is struggling to understand if he should choose his wife, or continue with the woman he cheated with. Many addicts are faced with this question, even men who are on their second or third marriage have struggled with this. Rob and Tami talk about how you can determine whether your marriage is worth saving or not after a terrible betrayal.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Sex addiction isn't always about intimacy issues. How correct is this? [4:15] Can a sex addict really, truly, fully be recovered? [8:15] My wife wants a divorce. I want to be with her, but also with my mistress. I'm confused. What do I do? [11:55] Are you leaving the relationship for the right reasons? Really take time for yourself to figure this out. [15:45] I always want a healthy relationship with abnormal people. What do I do? [20:45] My Addict's CSAT said addiction is never a problem and is not the symptom of a divorce. The problem is the inability to cope with emotions. Is this true? [22:25] Addiction takes all the juice out of the relationship. [24:50] Do you have to do a disclosure and a polygraph in order to get over betrayal?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about how to give yourself realistic boundaries when you know your addiction is easy to access. They also go into talking about how addicts lie to therapists and how this can sometimes cloud their judgement and their opinions on the betrayed spouse but keep in mind, as the betrayed spouse, you are not to blame for your spouse's addiction and poor behavior. The responsibility is on him/her to own it, work through it, and maintain it.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How does someone cope with the fact that porn will always be a click away? [4:15] I've been told that I turn to porn because I have a high sex drive, is this true? [9:05] Would a therapist ever openly lie to the betrayed spouse? [12:10] There's nothing a spouse did or didn't do that would force someone else to act out on their addiction. That's on the addict, not you. [16:15] Is it common for addicts to display ‘Peter Pan' symptoms? [22:00] At the beginning of recovery, we can be difficult, difficult people. [22:15] Can a porn addict ever use the computer again? [24:15] What's the difference between a sex therapist vs. a sex addiction therapist? [30:10] The more specialized you can get, the better it'll be for your addiction.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive right into why addicts refuse recovery and consciously walk away from a wonderful family and life they've built. It can be so tough as a spouse to witness this happening to you, but at the end of the day. It's not you your addict is walking away from, it's himself.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Why do some addicts do recovery, and others do not?  [4:30] In therapy, the only person you can change is yourself. No one else can do it for you.  [6:55] Recovery is a daily thing.  [9:30] I want to help my husband, but he has no empathy for me. What do I do? [11:35] Addicts are responsible for their own healing. Spouses get to be angry.  [12:05] What does trauma work look like?  [16:00] How do I control my self-destructive behaviors?  [18:45] My addict is still in denial and won't consult with a CSAT. What do I do?  [23:20] Keep lying! How do I stop?  [26:00] How can I let people get close to me?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss whether you should get an SA professional to do a formal disclosure with your partner or if it's better to go with your regular therapist. They also dive into what to do if you have obsessive thoughts for a particular woman (who has already said no) and how you can move on from this obsessive loop. All this and more on today's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] What is erotic rage? [1:40] I'm getting out of an abusive relationship, but I miss them. What do I do?  [4:10] Can any therapist do a disclosure or do they have to specialize in SA?  [10:00] How can I help my partner with his mother enmeshment?  [15:00] I feel anxious when I'm around women, how can I fix this?  [19:40] There are three types of porn users.  [25:45] How can you help/support someone with a porn addiction?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss whether it makes sense for a sex addict to invest in a dating coach, how to tell if your addict is really genuine in their feelings, and share how to have the right mindset when you're going through a treatment program for the first time. Trust and intimacy take time to build and it's important to trust the process and journey you're going on. The one thing addicts hate is taking things slow, but that's exactly what you need to do to build trust.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Should I invest in a dating coach? [4:25] My husband has been sober for a year. How do I know his lust for me is genuine? [8:45] I'm a serial cheater and I keep thinking about the last person I cheated on my wife with. Why? [12:45] What are my first steps to restoring my relationship when I get home from treatment? [16:25] My husband's CSAT refuses to do a disclosure because I don't want to work with his recommended counselor. What do I do? [23:40] My SA is a behavioral therapist for drug and alcohol addiction. He knows the steps but isn't ready to face his own addiction. What should I do? [26:35] If there are no consequences for him to change, then he won't. [28:15] Does my spouse have the right to go through my things?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss what it means to grief and forgive when we're going through this recovery process. The same is true for betrayed spouses who feel so hurt by the actions of their addict. They also answer questions on how to best handle when they're addict is dodging the question or avoiding accountability, and what to do when an addict blames the spouse for their addiction.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Should I go on a sex fast? [1:55] What does ‘regain intimacy' look like? Dr. Rob explains.  [3:35] My husband is in therapy. He is furious that I ‘withheld' sex from him, but this is untrue. Can someone recovery from sex addiction without help?  [5:40] My SA husband feels trapped by all these ‘marriage rules', which prepratiates his addiction further. Why does he keep using?  [8:15] I saw my spouse's trauma therapy workbook and it was alarming. What do I do? Q [10:40] Are they a porn addict or just a borderline addict?  [15:10] Tell someone you're close to about all of your behavior and see if they're concerned about it or not.  [18:25] What makes an addict choose their addiction over their loved ones?  [23:20] Grief is a process for the betrayed spouse and forgiveness is too.  [27:40] In early recovery, we have to get used to having to stop lying to ourselves for the very first time.  [32:15] You got to live in reality.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami go right into the community's questions this week as they cover topics like whether a spouse should see a CSAT, trying to navigate recovery alone, and if someone truly is capable of recovery without relapse. They also talk about some of the common myths between sex abuse and its correlation with addiction, and why someone might develop an addiction but their rest of their family seems to be ‘fine'.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] I'm a recovering addict. I can't remember any sex abuse as a child, but it might have happened. Is this why I'm an addict? [4:10] How long should the spouse of an addict see a CSAT? [6:55] My husband is an SA. My CSAT said I have a lifelong recovery of working on myself. Is this normal? [9:55] My husband is doing well in sobriety but I'm struggling to believe that he won't relapse. [11:25] How do I know he's completely in recovery? [12:50] Nobody has perfect sobriety. This is a hard thing to hear. [15:45] What happens to chemsex addicts who opt out of a recovery program? [17:15] Meth is one of the hardest drugs to recover from. [22:15] All addictions, at their root, have challenges with intimacy, relationships, and connection. [24:15] If you're in a healthy relationship, can you still hold on to secrets? [27:15] My SA husband says being in our marriage makes his addiction worse. Is he just blame shifting?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami go right into today's questions. How can you tell whether someone is an addict vs. someone who likes to have affairs? Rob offers a very simple answer that might surprise you. Rob and Tami also shed some light why some addicts find it completely easy to lie to their loved ones, and also share strategies on what to do when you're faced with temptation.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I prevent myself from watching porn on my work computer? [4:40] Addicts like to focus on all the things we're giving up, but we don't focus on all the things we are gaining.  [6:25] When do you know if it's a sex addiction vs. just a man trying to hook up regularly?  [11:20] I found a loophole on my phone. Everything I want is a search away. How do I not give into temptation?  [14:45] How in the world can my addict just blatantly lie to me?  [17:25] When is it a good idea to start dating in recovery?  [21:05] What are some childhood attachment wounds that end up leading to sex addiction?  [23:00] Addicts are broken people who did not learn healthy coping strategies.  [24:20] Drugs, alcohol, and sex do not let you down, but you feel terrible after. [27:25] There are a lot of free resources for you. You can do it.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer questions from their audience about sex addition, when it make sense to change CSATs, and they also explore what ‘sexual anorexia' is. Addicts have a tendnacy to make their partners feel guilty about their sex lives, but it's important to remember that healthy indivuidals use proactive communitation to grow together, and not tear your down. Keep following your boundaries.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] Why do I feel so close to my SA partner when he is so distant?  [2:25] Trauma shows up in our adult lives whether we realize it or not.  [3:15] What kind of interaction should an SA partner have with the addict's sponsor?  [5:00] My husband is part of a 12-step program and wants to stop seeing his CSAT. [9:50] A good therapist can always gain more skills.  [10:15] I am sexuallly anorexic. What resources are out there for me?  [13:25] Addicts love to blame their partners for not being sexual enough.  [16:55] He treated me poorly, so why do I still miss him?  [18:40] How do we keep the intimacy open after a betrayal?  [21:00] Rob and Tami talk about upcoming programs they have for addicts.  [22:40] I'm so hurt and angry. How do I detach my love for my addict?  [26:15] How can I talk to my addict about her addiction?  [30:10] There's nothing wrong with loving an addict.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer questions on how betrayed spouses can best navigate their feelings of insecurity when they've found out their husband has an addiction. They also discuss the best ways to navigate a relapse from your husband and the resentment he might feel towards you. Rob and Tami also answer a question from a female sex addict on how to build intmiacy without the sex.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What do addicts need to do to better empathize with their partners?  [3:15] I'm a female sex addict and recently met someone. How do I respect my boundaries? I'm starting to unravel.  [5:55] My wife wants to know about any of the ‘new memories' I have. I have done a disclosure and my CSAT and sponsor tell me not to do it, but she keeps wanting to know more.  [10:20] My husband has had multiple relasapes. I feel so much resentment from him. Is he resentful because he's in a relapse or because he's uncovering childhood trauma?  [14:45] It's critical to join a partner group!  [15:50] What is recovery fatigue? And how do you keep going when you're mentally exhausted?  [19:20] If you don't make recovery fun. You're not going to make it.  [20:25] I'm a porn addict, but have been sober for 18 months. When will things get better with my wife?  [22:20] My wife and therapist want a 3-day disclosure workshop. What should I do? [23:50] “We're just friends.” But we're acting like we're in a relationship. It feels strange and I don't know how to navigate.  [26:55] You might have to date 16-20 people in a year to figure out the right person for you. Don't give up too soon!  [28:10] I have a trauma bond with my husband. He has a mother enmeshment. Is he trauma bonded with her and not with me?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami have a discussion on how to best manage your triggers as you go through recovery. Focus on the things you can control. Focus on how you want to react to temptation, instead of being derailed. So much about life are things you can't control, but you can choose to be a better person and make better, more intentional and more conscious decisions every single day! It does get better!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] How do I handle my fears and my triggers? [1:20] Trust the process. Keep finding accountability for yourself. [6:00] What's a good game plan for handling my triggers? [7:15] How do I heal resentment? [11:55] I'm 90 days sober. How can I develop true empathy for my spouse? [15:55] Your spouse will not care that you are 90 days sober if you've been hurting her and cheating on her for the last 8 years. [17:10] Should the addict be in recovery for himself or his family? [20:40] My relationship recently ended. How do I redefine my sexual sobriety? [25:15] Everyone has sexual thoughts. Addict or not. [31:45] You know when you're off because you're unhappy and you're stressed. You rely on the tools you build in recovery to keep you on the right track.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into ADHD and its connection with trauma and addiction. Dr. Rob understands it can feel good to pinpoint something you were ‘born with' to your addiction, but it's rarely that easy. Rob and Tami also share resources for spouses whose addict has chosen their addiction over their family. Looking for help? There are support groups for partners of addicts to help you vent, feel heard, and know that you're not alone.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I'm a love addict and separated from my husband. How do I stop obsessing over him? [2:10] Dr. Rob, please share a success story. I'm losing hope my marriage won't survive. [5:35] Is ADHD a response to trauma? [9:10] I'm a recovering SA. My wife wants sexual intimacy and I do too, but I'm afraid of triggering her. What can I do? [12:45] My addict has chosen his addiction over our family. What resources are there for me? [15:35] You deserve love. TRUE love. [19:40] I met someone at an online recovery meeting and they approached me sexually. He disclosed everything to me within a few hours of meeting. Is this normal? [24:15] I feel like my husband needs to address his trauma. Are my feelings correct? [27:45] You're not a bad person.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss If the Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl If the Buddha Married by Charlotte Kasl

Rob and Tami answer some questions from betrayed spouses. It's important to remember that addicts have a tendency to lie to try and protect their addiction as much as possible. Is what your addict saying the truth or a fragment of the truth? Rob and Tami also answer questions on how to rebuild your family, and trust, when you've been discovered or recently undergone a relapse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My SA husband doesn't remember why he hired prostitutes. He doesn't remember anything. Is that normal? [3:40] Dr. Rob does do consultations. It's not therapy, but it has helped people get a clear head. [4:55] I'm a gay sex addict. I want to break the habit, how can I have more discipline? [9:10] How can I set strong boundaries with my addict? [10:50] My daughter found my nudes and because of this, I had to confess to my wife my relapse. What do I do now? [16:25] Your family is in crisis. You need someone to help guide you. [16:50] I'm afraid to connect with my addict again. How can we rebuild? [20:55] My therapists recommend full disclosure, but I don't want to hurt my wife further. I know what I did. Help! [24:55] My husband relapsed and all I'm hearing is excuses. Is he just lying? [29:10] What effect does porn have on the brain?  [31:25] Need help? Reach out. Dr. Rob and Tami can refer you to someone.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami explain in depth what a betrayed spouse is going through during the first year and a half after a reveal, and what a person in recovery can do about it. They also answer listener questions about porn addiction since the age of 10, and what to do when a CSAT therapist sides with the addict and not with the betrayed spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My wife hates me. When will it stop? [2:25] Dr. Rob explains why it's important for betrayed spouses to find a place to vent outside of your home with the addict. [4:25] He's just not getting it! Will I ever get empathy from my addict? [8:00] I have been a compulsive user of sexual fantasy since I was 10. I'm struggling. How do I become normal again? [13:15] As a betrayed spouse, I'm seeing red flags with my husband's current therapist. The therapist blames me! [15:40] Not all therapists are good therapists. You do get a mixed bag and it can be a journey to find the right one. [18:45] My addict broke my boundaries. What do I do? [25:35] At Seeking Integrity, Dr. Rob and his team turn boys into men. [27:35] Is there something wrong with me that I want to be intimate with my untrustworthy addict?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami share how you can rebuild trust and how to recover from intense trauma and abuse. They also answer how you can discover what your true emotional needs are and how to express them in a healthy way to a partner, and what to do if your addict threatens to leave you in this week's episode!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How can I rebuild trust again?  [2:25] First, create strong boundaries for yourself.  [3:35] How can the betrayed spouse heal, especially when the addict chooses to not go into recovery?  [5:00] Choose life. Choose your own life.  [7:00] There's nothing wrong with missing your addict, even if you've been separated for a long time.  [7:15] My addict is reluctant to look at his childhood trauma and the root of his addiction. What do I do?  [10:10] How do you treat narcissism?  [11:15] As a single gay man in treatment, what should I focus on?  [15:55] Does porn addiction change the way the addict sees a relationship? Why does the addict keep threatening divorce?  [18:55] I'm a victim of incest and a sex addict, I'm struggling with expressing intimacy. How do I discover what my needs are?  [21:35] My husband and I are operating on different pages. He relapsed six weeks ago and things haven't improved. How do I set new boundaries?  [26:20] I love anonymous sex with strangers. Is this just part of my sexual template?  [30:10] Ask yourself: Is your current lifestyle making you happy?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about codependency and why the term actually shames betrayed partners, not supports them. They also dive into some of the misconceptions people have about the partners of addicts. In this week's episode, they share how you can find a therapist that understands you and what you're going through, and not shames you.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Is it a good sign my addict is apologizing or is this a manipulation tactic?  [2:15] Dr. Rob, are you offering partner meetings?  [3:50] Can codependency delay the addict's recovery?  [8:00] Your partner stays with you because they love you! Not because they love your addictions!  [9:10] I can't find a CSAT in my area. What should I do?  [12:50] My therapist told me I am addicted to my sex addicted partner. Can betrayed spouses be addicts too?  [17:35] What have been some of the biggest changes Dr. Rob sees from the people leaving his treatment center?  [21:25] When addicts go through treatment and realize the damage they've caused, they become so afraid that their spouses will leave them.  [24:45] I am struggling to understand addiction. Why do people do it?  [29:30] Do addicts have moments of clarity?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss how to best manage your addiction when the outside world is so tempting. It's easy to fall into traps and feel like you ‘deserve it', but your actions have consequences and they not only hurt the people you love, but they're hurting you too. Find out in this week's episode how to manage the outside world without feeling like you're just taking on the whole world.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] I'm not sure about my CSAT therapist yet. What questions should I be asking her?  [8:00] Have you ever been so deep in temptation where the only choice is for you to give in?  [13:50] My wife found out about me two weeks ago. What do I do?  [21:05] Saying I'm sorry and asking for forgiveness only makes it about you.  [25:30] Support groups are not a pity party for betrayed spouses, they are a place to find strength and encouragement.  [28:30] My brother has a laptop for work and I am having a hard time resisting to use it for my addiction. What do I do?  RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss what goes into the mind of an addict when they have a close bond or relationship with their partner, yet strays and look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs. They also discuss how a spouse can explore sex again after a betrayal, and so much more on this week's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How can I get my sex addict to stop threatening divorce?  [3:35] Why is my sex addict not interested in sex with me?  [6:20] Addicts are afraid of intimacy, they don't want to be vulnerable in that way. [12:05] My addict is coming home in two weeks. How do I reintroduce sex into our relationship?  [17:20] Discovered my husband's sex addiction for younger women. Should I forgive him?  [19:25] It's normal for men to be attracted to younger women, but that doesn't mean you act on it.  [23:05] Can a partner of a sex addict contribute to their addiction?    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami get some really insightful questions this week. They answer everything from if it makes sense to get a pet to help with trauma and recovery, when enough is enough and it's time to walk away, and how to be healthy adults and think about the future of your children and grandchildren.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Can an affair lead onto a more serious sex addiction? [1:45] Is he an addict or just a jerk? [4:25] I think my best friend is a sex addict. What do I do? [6:30] My husband still talks to his best friend after lying that he doesn't. Should I talk to his friend about this? [7:35] My husband has an unwillingness to commit to recovery and I don't know how to talk to him about it. [9:15] My husband is an addict, how will it take for him to stop being a narcissist? [12:25] I'm in a 12 step program, how do I have healthy sex that goes beyond abstinence? [14:30] Would getting a pet help my wife heal? [18:55] My husband relapsed after 8 years and blames me for putting him into recovery. What's going on? [24:55] My husband stopped seeing a therapist and now has relapsed. I feel so emotionally done. How do I trust him again?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive right into how a betrayed spouse can work with their addict during times of close quarters and covid, how should a CSAT therapist interact with a betrayed spouse and addict, and whether or not a betrayed spouse should meet with her husband's past affair partners.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Is there a way to co-exist without feeling triggered?  [3:00] Would talking to a lawyer about our marriage be helpful or hurtful?  [5:10] I feel like my partner is blaming me, when I call him out on this, he says I'm not listening. What should I do?  [7:30] I want to meet some of my husband's affair partners. Would this make this worse or better?  [11:25] My husband speaks about the prostitute as if she was his wife. What should I do?  [14:35] When should my addict and I go into couple's counseling?  [16:00] I developed an unhealthy bond with my mother. How do I regain control as an adult?  [19:45] What are Dr. Rob's thoughts when an addict makes excuses and does not take his therapy seriously?  [23:05] How do I create a dating plan?  [27:05] Should my CSAT therapist talk to my addict about my codependency?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Overcomingenmeshment.com

Rob and Tami answer questions about when it makes sense to keep fighting for a relationship with your addict vs. walking away for good. It can be a hard journey filled with grief, but you have every right to be angry and upset about the betrayal they've done to you. In this week's episode, your hosts discuss how you can best manage this pain.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I'm a betrayed spouse that wants to stay together. My partner thinks it'll be easier to walk away. What do I do? [4:05] My husband has difficulty discussing his sex addiction. What's happening here? [9:05] If your addict pursued their recovery with the same amount of energy as their addiction, they'd do great. [12:40] I'm struggling to stop trying to prove that my betrayed partner is in the wrong. [16:15] How can I find resources to help my betrayed partner? [19:25] How can I build empathy and stop causing my partner pain? [22:20] Men are not the only people who cheat. Tami and Rob will have more resources for women addicts coming soon. [23:25] What are some self-care responses when your addict breaks boundaries? [27:15] My husband didn't get better, so I left. Should I keep hoping he'll change or should I finally leave him?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss how to best keep boundaries with your mother, how to work through betrayal as a betrayed spouse in a way that encourages your addict to be honest with you, and Rob explains how sexuality works and why you might be attracted to men vs. not.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:45] How can I communicate my boundaries without making it into a threat? [7:25] There's three rules you want to keep in mind when you want to make it work and there's been a betrayal in the relationship. Dr. Rob explains.  [9:50] How do I sent boundaries with my mother who subjected me to covert incest?  [15:05] Can a man be bi or gay without being sexually arrosed by male bodies? [21:45] My wife caught me and is now hypersensitive to stress. How long will this last?  [28:20] My boyfriend has a porn addiction. What's next?    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into whether you can rewire your sexual tastes after being exposed to hardcore porn. They also discuss how to have a successful open relationship (when you're not an addict) and so much more on this week's episode!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Can I rewire my sexual tastes? [6:10] I don't think I can handle my partner relapsing. What can I do? [10:45] How can we have a successful open relationship? [13:45] Should addicts reveal their addiction to their family members? [18:00] I stumbled upon child porn and I felt guilty ever since watching it. How do I get over this? [19:45] How do you create healthy boundaries as a sex addict? [24:15] My husband of 28 years has paid for prostitutes for the last 8 years. Will this pain ever end?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami answer the community's questions and cover topics like having empathy in the betrayed partner, creating healthy love boundaries, and why men seem to cheat more than women do. Rob and Tami also discuss whether there should be anonymity in recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My husband has been emotionally distant with me after he cheated on me. What's going on?  [3:50] How to create boundaries as a love addict?  [6:15] Should I keep reading books about codependency?  [9:25] How can I empathize more for the partners of sex addicts?  [13:30] Now that I'm sober from porn, I have a food addiction! What do I do?  [16:55] Suggested literature for mother enmeshment?  [18:30] What can I do to build emotional intimacy with the betrayal partner? [20:55] Why should there be anonymity in recovery? [23:35] Why does it seem more men cheat than women do?    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Dr. Kenneth M. Adams

Rob and Tami discuss what sobriety looks like when it comes to food and sex addiction, how it differs from alcohol and drug addiction, and dive into whether a sex addict can have a polyamorous relationship, what's considered healthy sex, and so much more on this week's episode!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I know if I have the right sponsor? [3:45] I have vivid sexual dreams. Is this normal? [6:25] My husband has cheated on dating apps but not with people in his working/personal life. Should he still maintain female friendships? [8:35] My friend in SSA can't stop watching porn and masturbating. What can I do to help? [10:50] My husband and I are getting close to disclosure, what should I expect? [14:35] If a sex addict is not in a consistent recovery program with accountability, will he relapse? [16:45] Is a polyamorous relationship a possibility for a gay male sex addict? [22:25] How do I know if I have an eating disorder?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami discuss the differences between an exhibitionist vs. a sex offender. They also share free ways to get mental health resources and how to get treatment for your addiction when you don't have the financial means to do so. Do not give up hope! There are a lot of places like Rob and Tami's facility that help addicts for little to no cost. All these questions answered and more on this week's episode!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Am I an exhibitionist or a sex offender? [3:35] Why is there such denial about sex addiction in gay communities? [6:25] Are some of us too damaged from childhood to ever have a healthy relationship again? [12:35] My husband is a porn addict and a crossdresser. Can he get help for crossdressing? [14:20] Can a couple heal from long-term infidelity without professional help? [18:05] Should I do a polygraph on my partner? [20:15] What qualifies as sex addiction? [21:15] Is my boyfriend bi-polar? [24:05] My addict has a lack of commitment to his recovery. Should I leave? [25:45] My addict is very slow when it comes to re-engaging sexual intimacy. What do I do? [27:30] My sponsor is asking me to not interact with women. Is this normal?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive right into some important key topics. They discuss the difference between narcissism and sociopathic tendencies, what to do if an addict is acting distanced, whether or not workgroup recovery programs actually trigger addicts; not make them better, and so much more!   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband relapsed! How can I set better boundaries? [3:00] How can I connect intimately with my husband again? [4:50] Do addicts have sociopathic traits? [6:40] Can workgroup recovery programs be retriggering my husband? [12:05] I think my addict is going to leave me, what should I do? [13:25] My sex addict has been struggling with sobriety, should I get out? [19:25] How can I make my addict become more honest with me? [20:35] Is a sex addiction diagnosis actually shaming people's healthy desire for sexual expression? [25:20] What's the difference between having a sexual attachment with someone vs. objectifying them?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami dive into the differences between narcissism and psychopathic behavior, how to stop being triggered by sexual images in the media, what to do if a partner in a polyamorous couple struggles with sex addiction, and even cover what to do if you discover your partner is a pedophile.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I can't find a good support group. Any recommendations? [3:10] Can sex addicts also stop being verbally abusive? [5:35] What's the difference between narcissism and psychopathic tendencies? [8:00] Do I have the right to know what my husband's three circles are? [8:55] How can I get my spouse to trust me again? [10:00] Does the number of partners a sex addict has cheated on me with impact their chances for recovery? [12:35] My husband still gets triggered by sexual images in the media. What can we do? [15:00] Polyamorous couple with a partner dealing with sex addiction. How do we redefine the boundaries? [18:00] When interacting with the opposite sex, how do I not trigger my partner? [19:25] My addict is staying the course, is this a good sign or should I be skeptical? [21:25] My husband is a pedophile, can he recover from this? [23:15] What should be in my inner circle? [26:55] How do I know if my porn brain is deceiving me?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Lust, Men, and Meth: A Gay Man's Guide to Sex and Recovery by David Fawcett Innerchild-sexaddiction.com/about-eddie-capparucci Safersociety.org

Rob and Tami dive straight into how to find a good CSAT therapist, what the qualities of a good therapist are, what to do if you find yourself acting out, and answer some questions on how betrayed spouses can better understand their feelings of anger and hate towards their addict. This and so much more on today's episode!   TAKEAWAYS:  [0:35] I tried sexual abstinence but I ended up breaking all the rules. How can I stop? [4:10] Should you date while in recovery? [6:50] Does porn change who you're attracted to? [9:35] What's the best way to find a good CSAT therapist? [13:05] A good therapist will give you some tough love and call you out on all your bad behavior. You might actually end up hating him/her in the beginning. [13:25] How can I heal my inner child? [16:55] How do I stop objectifying my wife? [20:00] I don't have any desire to have sex with my partner. What should I do? [22:15] My spouse and I are not on the same rhythm when it comes to their recovery, how long does it take before it's all okay? [27:15] How can I stop acting out? [29:10] I'm the betrayed spouse and I have zero desire to be in a relationship with my partner. What do I do?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Lust, Men, and Meth: A Gay Man's Guide to Sex and Recovery by David Fawcett Innerchild-sexaddiction.com/about-eddie-capparucci

Rob and Tami cover whether there is a big difference between sex addiction vs. heroin addiction. They also share why it's not a good idea to have your friend be your sponsor, and they answer a very important question about addiction: If you can't be cured, then what's the point to all of this?    TAKEAWAYS:  [1:20] How can I keep my spouse more engaged with my recovery?  [2:45] Is sex addiction just as difficult as a heroin addiction?  [13:00] How can you advocate for yourself and set boundaries while in recovery? [15:45] I have a wandering eye and I don't know how to stop it. What's wrong with me? [19:25] What is an arousal template? [21:00] Can my friends be my sponsor? [23:45] If I can never be cured, what's the point?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Lust, Men, and Meth: A Gay Man's Guide to Sex and Recovery by David Fawcett

Rob and Tami dive into and answer some of your questions this week. They discuss the difference between sex addiction and dissociative disorders, whether someone has a ‘true' sex addiction or if it's just validation, and if you should still go to a marriage counselor even if you know the relationship is over. This and so much more on today's podcast!    TAKEAWAYS:  [0:40] The connection between sex/love addiction and dissociative disorders. [4:00] Do I have a sex addiction or am I just seeking validation? [9:00] Why does Rob recommend a 90 day abstinence period for couples? [10:35] When does it make sense to introduce a marriage counselor into the recovery process? [13:45] I just found out my husband had a 10-year affair. What do I do now? [18:45] Should we still see a marriage counselor even though I may just leave the marriage? [21:45] How does a sex addict learn what healthy sex is? [25:45] Is it relationship addiction or is it love addiction? What's the difference? [27:25] How can I heal without the expectation of reconciliation from my partner?   RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss Lust, Men, and Meth: A Gay Man's Guide to Sex and Recovery by David Fawcett

Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions! They talk about ways an addict can reduce or help their partner through some of their emotional triggers after a betrayal, how someone can become clean from meth and sex, and so much more. Remember, addicts often want to block out all the bad stuff and focus on the good, and treatment is about helping people surrender to how vulnerable they really are.    TAKEAWAYS:  [0:35] How long should couples wait to do couple's counseling after a discovery?  [6:00] You have to work with an addiction therapist that understands sex.  [7:25] The goal is to help people suffering through addiction realize they're not a bad person, but they are broken. Let's look at why.   [9:40] Addicts often want to block out all the bad stuff and focus on the good.  [10:55] Treatment is really about helping people surrender to how vulnerable they really are. [12:40] How do you help reduce triggers for your partner from the traumas they experienced due to your addiction?  [14:05] No matter how stable or comfortable we feel with our spouses, there will be things that they do that break trust.  [15:10] Partners are ambivalent for a year or more after a betrayal.  [19:45] If an alcoholic chooses to drink, they will drink. There's nothing you can do to stop them.  [20:25] Drugs and sex, how can an addict get clean for 90 days?  [23:40] “I am in recovery for our marriage, but it might be over, what should I do?” [25:00] How can someone get started treating their addiction?  [25:40] People go to treatment because they're in a crisis.  [27:25] Remember, recovery is not a destination, it's a process. [28:40] Healthy people rely on others to help them through hard times. Addicts act out. Therapy helps addicts develop healthy pathways to cope.    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss