Absolutely Not

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is jolted back into her Suburban life with paying bills and dealing with Diva Red. Nothing more humbling than coming home to your mother screaming about parking prices. She's taking your calls on the Absolutely-Not-Line, and it seems like y'all are struggling to keep your shit together just like Heather. It's refreshing to know, that October is off to a hot mess and no one can fit in their jeans either.    Right now, you can get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com/ABSOLUTELY   Right now, when you go to thepillclub.com/ABSOLUTELY The Pill Club is offering a $10 donation to Bedsider.org for every Absolutely Not listener who becomes a patient.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather is in the Mile High City, or as she now calls it The High City. We are talking mom weed, IBS, depressed flowers and Heather's rude awakening returning to the US after her Italian adventure.    Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Get free shipping on all water and merch at liquiddeath.com/absolutely. Or grab some at Whole Foods or 7-Eleven.    Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media.  

On this Special bonus Episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is once again recording from Italy before heading to the Mile-High City (Denver) to continue her tour. Not all is as it seems in idyllic Repubblica Italiana as Heather copes with being bamboozled with overpriced laundry and glass sculptures. Jeff joins in to justify the need to photograph everything and his observations on Italy's rich culture.   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   If you need a little support to help you through the end of the year, or want to start building towards a better upcoming year, Talkspace is here to help. Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   I've got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   So, go on--get comfortable, and get it for less at Brooklinen. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Produced by Dear Media.     

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is recording from her hotel in Venice,Italy. She has already spent too much money and is waiting for the hotel to kick her out once they realize she cannot actually afford this lifestyle. Jeff and Heather discuss the rose and thorn of their trip thus far and hopefully their marriage makes it to the next stop, Firenze.   This episode was brought to you by Venus for Pubic Hair and Skin. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why these products have been flying off shelves everywhere.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has come unhinged with the bullshit. Between Jeff's sweaty ass and everyone giving their opinion on everything, MUST BE REAL NICE SHERYL, to blow up your own facebook with insanity.  She's hitting the Absolutely Not line and its very clear y'all are rolling into fall on the hot mess express.   Get more time back to *do you* and take care of yourself this summer! Go to DAILYHARVEST.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box!   Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to Prose.com/absolutely.   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode Heather breaks down her trip to Vegas, how she survived but wishes she had a scooter the whole time. She's taking your calls from the Hotline and giving you a hot safety tip reminder!      Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely     Get 10% off for first time users in when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY.    See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.     Produced by Dear Media.

Heather is joined by Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg, hosts of the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast to chat all things tour life, unruly fans and wild college memories. Buckle in for this one!    Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.    I've got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather is back in LA and she is hot and bothered - literally! In todays' episode Heather talks tour life, gives her best dating advice and stalks an LA masseuse (were looking at your Ruben). Buckle up for this wild ride!    Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather has teamed up with Old Navy for this episode all about bod-equality and being your most "boss a$$ b*tch" self. She also gets into the perils of cat-fishing, why all Scottish men are hot and why women should really just lean the f*ck out.    See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather gets down and dirty with her thoughts on the Alabama Sorority Rush craze and recounts her own experiences as a southern sorority girl!    This episode is brought to you by Venus. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why these products have been flying off shelves everywhere.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Summer of Gold tells the story of the 1996 Olympic Games through the lens of the women Olympians who dominated that summer. From the “Magnificent Seven" gymnasts to the USA women's basketball, soccer and softball teams all winning gold (and becoming cultural phenomena), to the founding of the WNBA, 1996 altered the course of history for American sports generally and women athletes in particular. In celebration of the 25th anniversary, Summer of Gold provides an unrivaled perspective on one of the most important moments in American sports and cultural history. Hosted by Michelle Kwan.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back on the road tearing it up one club at a time. She's in Arkansas and happier than a literal pig in shit to be telling jokes again. She's wrestling with a lil razorback aka all y'alls problems from the Hotline too! Shits getting wild, we got ladies suckin on bars of soap In Target!    Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Go to CheapCaribbean.com/Absolutely-Not to get a great deal. We'll see you on the beach.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather answers the age-old questions of "How do I get back at my ex-fiance?", "Why is everyone an idiot?", "Is the world ending?" ya know, light hearted life advice and such. She hits the Absolutely Not Line while shamelessly plugging her comedy tour she is desperate for you to come to.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hit the Absolutely Not line with all of your insane but very valid issues. It's apparent no one at the CDC knows what's going on and we apparently all need to freshen up on our Morris code, because a storm is -A-brewing!    Go to CheapCaribbean.com/absolutely-not to get a great deal. We'll see you on the beach.   You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. They even send free samples with every order! And get 10% off your first order with my promo code ABSOLUTELY at OSEAmalibu.com.   Your new nail life is here! Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather checks in on her buddy and apparent Warehouse Party-goer, Ray Padilla. He is a pillar of the "Leisure Gay" community and here to judge you. They discuss Strip clubs, ideal work environments and future goals.    Go to dailyharvest.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box!   I've got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY     Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is day 1 on a cleanse in the words of Chris Farley "STARVING OVER HERE". She is hitting the hotline harder than ever before. It is always comforting to her to see that everyone else is doing as terrible as she is!    Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handling!   Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We'll see you on the beach.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   To start listening, simply download the Spotify app, sign up for FREE, and search for Armchair Expert.   Produced by Dear Media 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has been in her basement working on the tour and has her buddy Christopher Ketner trapped. They decided to jump into the voicemail hotline to see what you lil rascals have been up to.   Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off of your order.   Get 10% off your first Versed order when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY.    Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to Prose.com/absolutely.   Listen to Armchair Expert for free, now ONLY on Spotify.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather is fresh from her vacay in the Turks and has a PSA for anyone trying to be a friggin LESLIE out there. We literally  don't have time for this shit. It's a Hot Girl's Summer and a few of y'all are coming in with an icy attitude. Heather hits the hotline and answers some of your questions and more.      Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100     Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her mother and artist extraordinaire, The Red Contemporary, to discuss work, dating, and general fabulosity. Diva Red is  dishing out a healthy dose of not fucking around, per usual.    Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We'll see you on the beach.     Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. They even send free samples with every order! And get 10% off your first order with my promo code ABSOLUTELY at OSEAmalibu.com.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.    Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather gets a lil pep-in-her-step after realizing she might in-fact qualify for the Olympics. After hitting the Voicemail hot line, she finds out someone got their vagina scratch by a house cat and lube is on lock-up at da Walmarts. That and more!    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.    Get 10% off for first time users when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code Absolutely   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sitting down with her attorney & sister, Ashley McMahan. They are catching up on the wild weekend's they both had. With sandy toes, full drinks and love in their hearts the girls hatch a plan to send their mother off for a sanity check so they can focus on their new shark tank idea.   Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handling!   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is literally coming out of the operating room and recording this whole podcast honestly, kinda high. No days off for this SHEMPIRE! lolzzz jk dont quote me. She is tackling your biggest absolutely not's yet, one voicemail at a time.    Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/absolutely. You'll get $10 off your first purchase!   You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. They even send free samples with every order! And get 10% off your first order with my promo code ABSOLUTELY at OSEAmalibu.com.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is on a downward spiral from injecting hormones like a Kardashian getting a BBL. When she is inspired by a caller to get in touch with her Floridian roots it sparks joy in her heart and inspires her to quit everything and become a DJ in Fort Myers.    To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!    Get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is sweating through her linen short set, anxiously awaiting her second round of egg freezing & stresses AF about work. She is keeping herself chained to a radiator in the basement and needs someone to come bring her a self-care snack. Y'all don't seem to be doing much better by the sounds of these voicemails.....   Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY. Must be 21+.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather recaps her girls weekend that felt like camp on a secret island. She has returned, sunburned, raspy and puffier than ever. Just as she is getting into the real meat of what happened this weekend, Chris Ketner jumps in the studio for an update on life in NYC and when is the tour happening.. and just wait, he's a vegan and wont shut up about it!    Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handling!   Go to Prose.com/absolutely for your FREE in-depth hair quiz and 15% off.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has friend and fellow bitchy podcaster, Jackie Schimmel in the house, literally, she's at Robin's. She brought her intern, Jennifer Lopez with her, fresh off the A-rod breakup. Its a wild ride and not to be missed!   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is breaking down her medical blunders and asking y'all why the hell you're living with regret. We are Live Laugh Loving our way through the Absolutely not line, and man are these voicemails good! Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering  listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.     To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.    To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media  

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather updates you on her doozie of a medical issue and realizes that she isn't the "pillar of the fertility community" she thought she was. She is sweaty, hungry, pissed off and now more than ever just straight up confused.    Go to GreenChef.com/90absolutely and use code 90absolutely to get $90 off including free shipping!   Get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is talking about civilian chemistry and mixed signals from her stallion. She is spiraling from the human growth hormone and trying to understand why everyone is being the worst and why no one buys her more gifts? Right. Ok. cool.    Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars today by going to gomacro.com and using promo code absolutely for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.     Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode Heather breaks down one of her most embarrassing moments from this past weekend at the airport and explains why no one knows how to behave themselves. We're all wildly socially awkward and no one knows how to behave anymore.    To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/absolutely.   Give your mom the most meaningful gift this Mother’s Day with StoryWorth. Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/absolutely. You’ll get $10 off your first purchase!   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather catches up with friend and OG podcast guest Raymond Padilla! They discuss Ray's recent move to New York (spoiler: its been a bumpy ride) and how he is living his "gay ass truth".   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order!   Treat yourself to ultimate comfort with Brooklinen’s comforter collection. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100!   As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather claps back at herself bc the hormones are making her feel like a genetically modified chicken tender with a side of sassy dont-give-a-F#ck ranch. She takes your voicemails and realizes y'all are pretty much in the same boat. Love and Light!    Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order.   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% OFF your order   Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars today by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ​absolutely​ for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down her recent surprise in the Turks and all the trouble she stirred up in Charleston. There was leather, edibles, bootcut jeans and lots of questions. She also hits the hotline and tries to fix your problems one drunken message at a time.      Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   For a limited time, Spanx is offering Absolutely Not listeners 10% off their order on Spanx.com!   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with herself in a downward spiral about this dumbest shit ever, per usual. It's her birthday and she is reporting live from the Turks and Caicos. RIGHT BY THE BEACH BOIIII. She is full of gratitude and rosé and a slight flicker of positivity.      Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent off!      Head  over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!    Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/​absolutely​ to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather's long time friend and fellow thespian extraordinaire, Tina T, is in town and the ladies are spilling the literal HIGH TEA on their weekend debauchery and breaking down the riveting Oprah interview. Heather is wildly concerned the Monarchy is coming for her so buckle up and get your beverages set!    Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout for 20% off PLUS free shipping!    To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather is stepping in her pisces self-loathing season and realizing her physical well being is important but also almost impossible to keep up with. Her pants are tight, her skin is dry and vagina is gaping. Lots of Voicemails and self-indulgent things to discuss!   Receive 25% off ​your entire first purchase of Super Coffee. To claim this deal go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout.   Treat yourself to ultimate comfort with Brooklinen’s comforter collection. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Upgrade your hard seltzer to Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.    Produced by Dear Media.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather checks in on her friends down in the hill country and has some major Absolutely Nots. She isn’t fucking around with weather shaming, COVID shaming or grandma shaming. ITS ENOUGH. She's also getting back into the swing of things, quite literally, playing Golf again and thrilled she made some new friends on the links. That and more!    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Go check out Usual Wines at www.usualwines.com - use my discount code “ABSOLUTELY” for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us!   Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her husband, Jeff Daniels on all things love and marriage. It's Valentine's week and who better to answer your relationship questions than Tony Soprano himself.    Receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping​ on Olipop's best selling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout to claim this deal.   Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/​absolutely​ to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order.   Go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout for 25% off your order!   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 % OFF your order!   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is about to lose her shit with EVERYONE and clearly y'all are on the same wavelength. The voicemail  line is buzzing with bullshit and Heather is here to help you wade through it.    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.   Order the new Bomb Bars online at www.blenderbombs.com and receive 20% off your order by using the code ABSOLUTELY.   To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Produced by Dear Media.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down what's been happening these past two weeks. It's a RAW AND REAL episode full of zero medical advice, lots of sweating and saying the F* word as many times as humanly possible. If you hate honesty, keep scrolling.     Check out Olipop and receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping​ on their best selling variety pack. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout to claim this deal.   Go check out their website at www.usualwines.com and use my discount code “ABSOLUTELY” for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us!   Receive 25% off ​your entire first purchase or Super Coffee. To claim this deal go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout.   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off!    Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Ask and you shall receive! This week, Heather is responding to YOUR voicemails on the Absolutely Not Line. Buckle up, hunker down and get ready to laugh your tush off!    Check out Olipop and get 20% off PLUS Free Shipping​ on their best selling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout to claim this deal.   For a limited time, Spanx is offering Absolutely Not listeners 10% off their order on spanx.com. Use the code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.   Make your home healthier this new year. For a limited time, when my listeners go to Grove.co/ABSOLUTELY you will get a FREE Mrs. Meyer’s gift set plus free shipping with your first order - a $30 value!   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order of WOO Vibez today.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is chatting with her sister, the GA Law Lady about vax'n their mom, basic childhood trauma and finding their inner animal. Ashley is pissed her episode got basically erased last time they recorded so she is coming in extra hot with that fiery attorney energy. This episode is honestly so sisterly silly, so good to luck to ya.    Go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout for 25% off and free shipping!    To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order of WOO Vibez today.   Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/absolutely to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order.   Check out the Palmer's Hemp Oil Skincare Collection. You can find these products In Store and online at Walmart, Target, Walgreens or Amazon.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather spins her New Years Wheels straight to crazy town. She has no fucking idea what is happening in the world and is trying to give you sage advice even though her asshole is clenched tighter than a cocaine smuggler from the 80's. The vibe is tense but the jokes are flowing, we've got voicemails and more!    Go to www.blenderbombs.com and receive 20% off your order by using the code ABSOLUTELY.   Go check out  www.usualwines.com and use my discount code “ABSOLUTELY” for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us!   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast Heather sits down with her favorite comedian and BFF Benny Drama to discuss their major glow-ups. Benny is the king of impressions and he gives Heather the in's and outs of who hates him and which Kardashian is on board. lol. He's hilarious and keeps things raw and real!    You deserve to know what’s in your multivitamin. That’s why Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Make your home healthier this new year. For a limited time, when my listeners go to Grove.co/ABSOLUTELY you will get a FREE Mrs. Meyer’s gift set plus free shipping with your first order - a $30 value!   Go to get getcanopy.co today and use code ABSOLUTELY10 for an extra 10% off at checkout. Your skin will thank you!   For a limited time ButcherBox is offering new members their Ultimate Keto Bundle for free when you sign up today at ButcherBox.com/absolutely. That’s up to ten pounds of free meat, including one pork butt, 2 lbs of ground beef and 3 lbs of bone-in chicken thighs all in your first box by going to butcherbox.com/absolutely.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is majorly concerned with Kate Winslet's wellbeing and whereabouts. She answers your insane End of the Year Voicemails and has a slight bit of optimism for the new year... just a tiny bit.     Experience The Purple Grid and you’ll sleep like never before! Go to Purple.com/absolutely10, and use promo code absolutely10. For a limited time you’ll get 10% off any order of $200 or more!   Go to getcanopy.co today and use code ABSOLUTELY10 for an extra 10% off at checkout. Your skin will thank you!   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather is joined by Arielle Lorre, host of The Blonde Files Podcast to talk all things self care, motivation, wellness and how she overcame personal challenges to get to where she is today. She is also a plastic surgery and beauty guru and answers every question you could possibly have about keeping it right and tight!    To check out all my Spanx picks and for 10% off your order plus free shipping and returns, visit spanx.com/absolutely.   Experience The Purple Grid and you’ll sleep like never before! Go to Purple.com/absolutely10, and use promo code absolutely10. For a limited time you’ll get 10% off any order of $200 or more!   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews dear friend, host of The Bitch Bible Podcast and CYA next Tuesday companion, Jackie Schimmel. And trust and believe they are throwing everyone under the bus.  They have no time for your holiday sympathy but are fully expecting you to show up to their funerals looking FRESH AF! That and more!     Head over to ​www.blenderbombs.com​ ​and use the code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your first order.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutely to get 10% off your first order and free shipping.   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.   Produced by Dear Media. 

Heather Sits down with one of her oldest and dearest Delta Gamma sisters, Elizabeth Howard, to discuss the trials and tribulations of online dating with her single sister. SHE IS APPALLED and shocked to find out that men will message you wanting to know about your dental work. NOT OK. They discuss surviving life in college and trying to make it out of 2020 alive!     Go to Framebridge.com and use promo code to save an additional 15% off your first order.   Give your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live, with StoryWorth. Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/absolutely. You’ll get $10 off your first purchase!   Get 20% off your order of DHM Detox and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the age old question.... "Why exactly does Jeff sleep with tape on his mouth AND still works in New York?" We survived Thanksgiving by the skin on our Turkey Trails and it's clear by the Voicemails that y'all aren't doing so hot either. Someone's lost a leg, others are getting bamboozled.... it's a shit show. That and more!   Get 30% off your order and free shipping in the US by heading over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY30 and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY30” at checkout.   As a listener of this podcast, you get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That’s absolutely and talkspace.com.   You can find the Palmer's Hemp Oil products In Store and online at Walmart, Target, Walgreens or Amazon.   Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews fellow comedian, Casey Balsham of the SHADY SHIT podcast! Casey is literally looking for her loose tooth while bitching about what a fucking whirlwind of a year its been. From cancelled weddings, trying to get pregnant and generally fatigue these two ding dongs are bitching about it together!    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTLEY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   For a limited time, new members can get 6 free grass-fed, grass-finished steaks when they go to ButcherBox.com/absolutely.    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY30 and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY30” at checkout for 30% off your order plus free shipping!    Produced by Dear Media. 

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sweating through her shirt dealing with one technological meltdown after another. Sis can't catch a break! I mean what are we even doing anymore? It's almost Thanksgiving, which means everything is just a full blown shit show, but thats ok, because were gonna make it after all..... or after visiting the Oasis, Goodtime Emporium.    To check out all my Spanx picks and for 10% off your order plus free shipping and returns, visit spanx.com/absolutely, and use the code ABSOLUTELY for 10% off today!   Experience The Purple Grid and you’ll sleep like never before! Go to Purple.com/absolutely10, and use promo code absolutely10. For a limited time you’ll get 10% off any order of $200 or more!   Check out Palmer's New Hemp Oil Collection! You can find these products In Store and online at Walmart, Target, Walgreens or Amazon.   Produced by Dear Media.