Becoming Who You Truly Are, with Marlena Fiol, PhD

I am thrilled and privileged to introduce today’s guest, Dr. Ira Byock. Ira is a leading palliative care physician, author, and public advocate for improving care through the end of life. He’s been involved in hospice and palliative care since 1978, and over the years has received too many awards and honors for me to name here. He has authored numerous peer-reviewed academic articles on the ethics and practice of care, and he’s the author of three award-winning books. In this interview, I draw on Ira’s first book, Dying Well, which has become a standard in the field of hospice and palliative care.

I’m pleased to introduce today’s guest, Jennifer O’Brien, author of The Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A Journal. Jennifer’s physician husband Bob had for years been part of an interdisciplinary healthcare team that provided end of life care to their patients. And then it was his turn. He was diagnosed with a stage IV, metastatic cancer. Jennifer traces their journey together during the 22 months following his diagnosis until he died, as well as her early widowhood. She’s all about being fully present during even the toughest moments, honoring grief, and going forward after devastating loss.

I feel honored to introduce today’s guest Dr. LaVera Crawley. In the field of medicine and ethics, LaVera is internationally known for her work on healthcare disparities in palliative and end-of-life care. After a 16+ year career at Stanford as an empirical bioethicist, LaVera Crawley began a new career in spiritual companionship, bringing together her work in medicine, ethics, social justice, teaching, research, and public health with her longstanding interest in spirituality. She is currently the Palliative Care Chaplain at the Alta Bates Summit Medical Center and a certified educator for hospital chaplains. She’s also Chair of the Board of Father Richard Rohr’s Center for Action and Contemplation.

I am pleased to introduce Apricot Irving, award winning author of The Gospel of Trees, and one of her teachers Suzette Goff-Geffrard. Apricot grew up as a missionary’s daughter in Haiti – where Suzette was her teacher – during a time of social and political upheaval. Suzette has worked for many years in educational, organizational and development-related programs here in the US as well as in two African countries, Haiti and France.

I’m pleased to introduce today’s guest, Gopar Tapkida, from the Mennonite Central Committee, MCC. But while Ann Graber Hershberger, our last guest, was at HQ in the US, Gopar is MCC’s Representative in Zimbabwe, Africa. Gopar has led interfaith dialogues between Muslims and Christians in Nigeria, Chad and Ethiopia.

I am privileged and honored to introduce the Executive Director of the Mennonite Central Committee, Dr. Ann Graber Hershberger. The Mennonite Central Committee, referred to as MCC, is a global nonprofit organization, focused on providing relief, development and peace in over 50 countries worldwide. And this year – 2020 – MCC celebrates its 100th anniversary. You’ll love how honestly and vulnerably Ann talks about MCC’s brilliant achievements, but also some of the costly blunders along the way.

Today, I'm honored to introduce Shawn Askinosie, coauthor with his daughter, Lawren, of the book, Meaningful Work: A Quest to Do Great Business, Find Your Calling, and Feed Your Soul. Shawn is the founder of Askinosie Chocolate, which was named by Forbes as one of the 25 best small companies in America, and he was named by Oprah as one of 15 guys who are saving the world. Shawn is all about chocolate. I've tasted it, in fact, I have the 72% dark chocolate from Tanzania in front of me right now and it is amazing. And no, he didn't pay me to say that. But he and his chocolate company are also about so much more. Using his company’s revenues, Shawn's chocolate business has provided over a million meals to hungry students in Tanzania and the Philippines. They've delivered thousands of textbooks to schools and they've drilled water wells for villagers.

I’m pleased to introduce today’s guest, Kim Colegrove. Kim has been a meditator for over 40 years. But meditation became the focus of her service path when, in 2014, she lost her husband David to suicide, less than three months after he retired from a 30-year law enforcement career. She created The PauseFirst Project, which we’ll talk about, to honor David’s memory, and to help other first responders cope with stress and trauma. As you’ll soon hear, Kim suggests that first responders may sometimes get so focused on service to others, that there’s bit of denial around the care that they themselves need. But this conversation is not just about first responders. Kim says it’s time for us as a society to better balance our external focus by turning our awareness toward also caring for our own internal needs.

I’m pleased to introduce Dr. Dawna Markova. Dawna is an internationally renowned thought leader and personal growth expert. She has lived many incarnations in the past seven decades as an author, teacher, psychotherapist, researcher and executive advisor. One of the creators of the best-selling Random Acts of Kindness series, Dawna is the author of many other inspirational books. Today, we’ll be talking about her latest book, Living a Loved Life: Awakening Wisdom through Stories of Inspiration, Challenge and Possibility, which invites us to do whatever is necessary to create a life we can love and to love the life we have.

I feel privileged and honored to kick off this season by introducing today’s guest, a leader in the service arena, Jonathan Reckford, CEO of Habitat for Humanity International and author of Our Better Angels: Seven Simple Virtues that Will Change Your Life. Habitat for Humanity began in the 1970s as a grassroots effort on a community farm in southern Georgia. The housing organization has since grown to become a leading global nonprofit working in local communities across all 50 states in the U.S. and in more than 70 countries. Habitat has helped more than 29 million people gain access to new or improved housing.

I am truly honored to bring you the thinking of today's guest, Arno Michaelis, a former leader of the white power movement and a founding member of what became the largest racist skinhead organization in the world. Today, Arno is a public speaker, author and activist for peace and justice. Arno and I will be discussing a range of topics, such as the basis of violence in the world, what forgiveness and reconciliation mean in the face of racial wounds, and what each of us can do to make this a more compassionate and just world.

I am honored to introduce today's guest, Thomas DeWolf. Tom serves as executive director for Coming to the Table, which is a nonprofit that provides resources for all who wish to acknowledge and heal the wounds of racism. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as linkages between individual and collective healing, the differences between restorative and retributive justice, and the meaning of reconciliation in the context of healing wounds of racism.

I am pleased to bring you the thinking of today's guest, Thordis Elva. Thordis is an Icelandic author, speaker, playwright, and activist for gender equality. Thordis collaborated on this book with her perpetrator, Tom Stranger, making her the first rape survivor in the world to publicly do this. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as the meaning of forgiveness and atonement, the importance of anger and vengeance as steppingstones toward forgiveness, and the need to change misconceptions and myths about sexual abuse.

I am pleased to bring you the thinking of today's guest, Thordis Elva. Thordis is an Icelandic author, speaker, playwright, and activist for gender equality. Thordis collaborated on this book with her perpetrator, Tom Stranger, making her the first rape survivor in the world to publicly do this. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as the meaning of forgiveness and atonement, the importance of anger and vengeance as steppingstones toward forgiveness, and the need to change misconceptions and myths about sexual abuse.

I am pleased to bring you the thinking of today's guest, Harriet Brown. She is a writer, magazine editor and professor of magazine journalism at the Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University. Harriet writes, researches and teaches about eating disorders and body image as well as other issues, including family estrangement. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as the different forms of family estrangement, how to avoid fake forgiveness, what parents and children owe each other, and the distinction between estrangement and family members simply drifting apart.

I am pleased to bring you the thinking of today's guest, Elizabeth Scott. Liz is a psychologist in private practice in Portland, and she is the author of This Never Happened, a memoir about her childhood journey with narcissistic parents and her relentless search for the truth for belonging and for a deeper understanding of her own life. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as the meaning of forgiveness, the deep human need for belonging, and the important work of rewriting our childhood scripts.

I am pleased to bring you the thinking of today's guest, Dr. Joshua Coleman. Josh is a psychologist in private practice in the San Francisco area, with particular expertise in family dynamics, including estrangement. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as cultural shifts that have impacted families, what forgiveness means in the context of family estrangement, and the importance of connection.

I am pleased to bring you the thinking of today's guest, Jackie Shannon Hollis. Jackie is a writer, storyteller, speaker and the author of the memoir, This Particular Happiness: A Childless Love Story. The book explores Jackie's evolving understanding of who she is in the unfolding relationships she describes between husband and wife, mother and daughter, friends, and sisters. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as the struggle to please others and meet their expectations, the upsides and downsides of choosing to not have a child, and what it means to heal and forgive after being traumatized by rape.

I am pleased to bring you the thinking of today's guests, CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke. Partners in work and in life for over two decades, they’ve adapted their proven step-by-step process, which they honed while working with numerous Fortune 100 companies, to help long-term couples use conflict as a catalyst to greater intimacy and passion. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as the difference between conflict and violence in relationships, how to avoid fake forgiveness, and the challenges of walking the line between autonomy and connection in intimate relationships.

I am pleased to bring you the thinking of today's guest, Doug Bradley. He’s a Vietnam vet who, with his co-author Craig Werner, spent two years making more than 100 presentations coast to coast, witnessing honest, respectful exchanges among audience members. The purpose was to explore how the music of the era, shared by those who served in the war and those who stayed home, helped to create safe, nonjudgmental environments for listening, sharing, understanding and forgiving. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as the traumas of wars, especially divisive ones like the Vietnam War, what forgiveness and reconciliation mean in the context of wars, and the role of music in healing the wounds caused by wars.

I am honored to introduce today's guest, Phil Cousineau. Phil is an award-winning writer, filmmaker, teacher, editor, travel leader, storyteller and TV host. We will be discussing a range of topics, such as the meaning of forgiveness and atonement, the importance of presence, and our collective longing for wholeness. The following is a taste of my conversation with Phil. Q: Where does forgiveness end? Where does compassion end? Phil: (Quoting Dr. Jacob Needleman): You ask them three times for forgiveness. Now, the first time, they may still be angry at you. The second time, they may not have gotten over you. And then, the third time, they could forgive you or they have become so obtuse and so bitter that they still refuse, well, on, let's say, on the grand scale of things, your karma is free. You have done what you need to do on the spiritual plane. Q: How do you define atonement? Phil: At-one-ment. It’s like many of the classic definitions of beauty, which is all forms of harmony and wholeness. Q: How does atonement relate to forgiveness? Phil: The act of forgiveness is kind of going halfway and then stopping. Doing something to make amends that is psychologically commensurate with the damage that was done, then the healing can begin. Q: How does one get to forgiveness when there’s a complex blend of multiple layers of mutual wrongdoing, with each party blaming the other? Phil: If we do not learn how to forgive in our relationships, in the workplace, and in our political activism, a kind of soul rust sets in. When asked if there’s one last thing he’d like our listeners to hear, Phil says, “People will risk themselves for others, and I once asked Joseph Campbell why this is so? And I can still hear the beautiful cadence in his voice when he gave me the answer on camera, “It's because we know at the end of the day, we are one.” About Phil: Phil Cousineau is a writer, teacher, editor, independent scholar, documentary filmmaker, travel leader and storyteller. His life-long fascination with the art, literature and history of culture has taken him on many journeys around the world. He lectures frequently on a wide range of topics--from mythology, film and writing, to beauty, travel, sports and creativity. He has published more than 35 nonfiction books and has over 20 scriptwriting credits to his name. He is the host and cowriter of the PBS and Link TV series, “Global Spirit.”

I’m excited to introduce the upcoming podcast season titled Forgiveness and Reconciliation. You’ll hear from experts on the topic who share their insights about what forgiveness means and how it relates to reconciliation at two very different levels: family wounds like parental estrangement, and collective trauma due to social and political offenses, such as slavery, terrorism and war. The bi-monthly podcast will launch on April 6th.

I’m honored to speak with Dr. Paul Lam on health and wellness issues he has championed for over 40 years. Paul was born in Vietnam but was left as a baby with his grandmother in China. At sixteen, malnourished and arthritic, he escaped to Hong Kong during Chairman Mao's disastrous regime. From there, he moved to Australia, where he pursued his dream of becoming a physician. In 2010, he and his colleagues established the Tai Chi for Health Institute. His tai chi programs have been used to train over 10 million people around the world. Paul and I will be discussing a range of topics, such as the nature of relationships, using tai chi practice to create harmony and wellness, and the important role of safety for learning and growth. His long career as a physician and world-renowned tai chi master has given him deep insights into these topics that you won’t want to miss. The following is just a taste of Paul’s insights. Q: Based on your experience, what can you tell us that might be helpful to us in moving beyond our own fears and our own sense of powerlessness to create the lives that we truly desire? Paul: The will to live, to learn and to enjoy life keeps pushing us to work harder and to love others. Q: What would you say are the most important benefits of practicing tai chi? Paul: The slow, smooth, movements, and the coordination of body and mind, the right posture and the right breathing all contribute to being mindfully present and that brings a sort of inner strength and an inner serenity. Q: What have your many years of mindful tai chi practice and training taught you about healing challenging relationships? Paul: Tai chi practice trains us to listen to the incoming force and then absorb, redirect, or use the opponent's force to combine with ours to reach a win-win situation. I can translate that to life in our interactions with people. All relationships have to do with interaction. Q: Based on your experience, what can you tell us about the importance of having a safe place from which to learn and grow? Paul: The center of emotional security having to do with survival is in our brain stem. Having someone we feel we can trust with our insecurities is a part of survival. It allows us to open up and grow. When asked if there’s one last thing he’d like our listeners to hear, Paul says, “I would love everybody to think that anyone can do tai chi. Have a go. In Australia, it means have a try.” Dr. Paul Lam’s latest book, Born Strong: From Surviving the Great Famine to Teaching Tai Chi to Millions, shares his life experiences and his belief that no matter how desperate things are, there's always hope.  

I’m pleased to bring you the thinking of Mary Lou Bonham, a psychotherapist who also happens to be my sister. She and I will talk among other things about what it was like growing up on a Low-German Mennonite leprosy station in Paraguay, South America. Our parents were medical missionaries who did heroic things in the world, like revolutionizing how leprosy is treated on the planet today. But there are always costs associated with greatness it seems, and some of those costs we bore as their kids. Despite our similar parentage and history, Mary Lou’s story is actually quite different than mine. We each found our own distinctive path toward healing. And as a professional psychotherapist, she helps us understand some of the reasons why this was the case and what we can all learn from it. The following is a taste of my conversation with Mary Lou. Q: How did growing up with German, Paraguayan and North American identities influence how you understand who you are? Mary Lou: Those of us who grow up with multiple identities are very comfortable in many places, but not at home anywhere. Q: What does reconciliation mean to you? Mary Lou: Self-abandonment is never the path forward toward reconciliation. In order to truly reconcile with another, you must bring your whole self forward. And that may be so difficult that a relationship is hardly possible. It may be very limited because it depends on the capacity of both parties. The depth that you can achieve through reconciliation is not within your control alone. Q: What was at the root of our father’s frequent bursts of anger? Mary Lou: I think we have two basic ways in which our needs can be met. One is through vulnerably asking for help and support. The other is through power and control. Our father was incapable of being vulnerable, so control was his go-to. Anger is a very powerful tool when you're trying to control your environment. Q: How do you understand the role of crises in our lives? Mary Lou: We all hate crises. Crises suck. They're the worst. But they're also transformative. So, they are a gift. If I had not hit rock bottom in my life, I think I would have had to limp along for a very long time with all of my stuff, and maybe slowly I could have worked through it. But the full-on crisis was transformative. When asked if there’s one last thing she’d like our listeners to hear, Mary Lou says, “There is a quote from one of the saints that says, ‘All is well, and all is well, and all manner of things will be well.’ If all things are not well, it is not yet the end.” Mary Lou Bonham is a multi-lingual psychotherapist based in Portland, Oregon.

When Misty was six years old, her family started to live and dress like the Amish. Misty and her sister were basically kept as slaves on a mountain ranch. They were subjected to almost complete isolation, sexual abuse and extreme physical violence. The two young girls were too terrified to escape. They also knew that no rescue would ever come because only a few people even knew they existed and they didn't know them well enough to care, so they thought. Then as teenagers, they were adopted into Amish families and things seemed so much better at first but then went from bad to worse. Misty escaped and is here to tell her story and so much more. She inspires us to stand up for and be committed to protect children from abuse. The following is just a taste of Misty’s thoughts about child abuse and about her commitment to making this world a safer place for the vulnerable and defenseless. Q: When your Amish abusers confessed, they were excommunicated for a short while and then they were forgiven. What does forgiveness mean to you? Misty: I don't think forced forgiveness is really forgiveness. I believe forgiveness is something that has to come from your heart. It has to be true and it has to be when you're ready. Q: Why have the Amish been romanticized a lot over time? Misty: The Amish have been romanticized because people literally do not know anything about them. When you don't know about something, you make up your own presumptions. Q: Why didn’t you escape much sooner from your abusers when you had opportunities? Misty: When talking about a child abuse victim, you have to think of it like a domestic violence situation: If victims of domestic violence aren’t sure they can get out of that situation, they're not going to talk or even consider an escape. Q: How has the abuse you suffered as a child influenced who you are today? Misty: When I left the Amish, I told myself that, somehow, I was going to make a difference and put a stop to this abuse. When I ask if there’s one last thing she’d like our listeners to hear, Misty says, “If you suspect child abuse, don't look the other way. Don't think somebody else is going to report it. Don't just brush it off, because it could be a case like mine.” Misty Griffin is the author of Tears of the Silenced: An Amish True Crime Memoir of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Brutal Betrayal, and Ultimate Survival, an inspirational story of surviving abuse and standing up for the abused. About Misty Griffin When Misty was six years old, her family started to live and dress like the Amish. Misty and her sister were basically kept as slaves on a mountain ranch. They were subjected to almost complete isolation, sexual abuse and extreme physical violence. The two young girls were too terrified to escape. They also knew that no rescue would ever come because only a few people even knew they existed and they didn't know them well enough to care, so they thought. Then as teenagers, they were adopted into Amish families and things seemed so much better at first but then went from bad to worse. Misty escaped and is here to tell her story and so much more. She inspires us to stand up for and be committed to protect children from abuse.  Find Misty on Social Media: Twitter: @ExAmish101 Misty’s Book: Tears of the Silenced: An Amish True Crime Memoir of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Brutal Betrayal, and Ultimate Survival Book Mentioned in the Interview: Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020 About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what’s possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters. You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol

Nita described herself as a 49-year-old overweight woman suffering from crippling depression and bipolar disorder, when she caught the running bug. Her first run lasted 60 seconds, but she kept running just a bit longer each time. Since then, Nita has completed three full marathons, 28 half marathons and almost 100 shorter races—and through it has discovered an inner strength she didn’t know she had. With refreshing honesty, Nita shares her journey from debilitating fear to self-mastery. We will discuss the parallels between running and meditation, the importance of doing that which is scary, and the necessity of not only having a vision, but trusting and believing in it. The following provides a taste of Nita’s thoughts about running, writing and life: Q: Did finally running a full marathon change your life?
 Nita: The peak experience of running the marathon was not what was life-altering – what changes your life is the day-to-day stuff leading up to those events – showing up over and over. Q: What are the parallels between your writing process and managing chronic depression? 
Nita: The foundation of my writing process is just starting again and again and again. And as someone with chronic depression, that's essential, because if it were up to me, I would just stay in bed, quite frankly. Q: What's your advice to writers wishing to publish their work and receiving rejection, after rejection, after rejection?
 Nita: Have somebody you can cry with, be angry with, yell with, throw things with. You know, go for a run and then just go back and send it out again. Q: By what process did you eventually begin to let in the fact that you are good, you are a runner, you are a writer, you are a winner? 
Nita: I still have the doubts that plague many of us. If I don't run for two or three days, my brain will say, "Well Nita, that was fun. But it's over now. Like, I'm never going to run again. So I say, "Thank you. I appreciate that you're trying to protect me. Now I'm going to go put on my running shoes and just go run a couple of miles. So hang tight, and let's see what happens." When asked if there’s one last thing she’d like our listeners to hear, Nita says, “If you want to do something, especially if it's something that seems so big or maybe terrifying, pick a tiny, tiny goal, a goal so small that you can't fail and start there.” Nita Sweeney is the author of Depression Hates a Moving Target: How Running with My Dog Brought Me Back from The Brink, an inspirational story of persistence and courage. About Nita Sweeney Nita was forty-nine, chronically depressed and unable to jog for more than 60 seconds when she discovered running. Through the sport, Nita gained an inner strength she didn’t know she possessed, and with the help of her canine companion, found herself on the way to completing her first marathon. In her first memoir, Depression Hates a Moving Target: How Running with My Dog Brought Me Back from the Brink, Sweeney shares how she faced emotional and physical challenges to overcome her fears and come back from the brink. Nita lives in Columbus, the heart of Ohio, where she writes, coaches writers, teaches meditation and publishes Write Now Columbus and the blog, Bum Glue. Find Nita on Social Media: https://nitasweeney.com Twitter: @nitasweeney Facebook LinkedIn Pinterest Instagram: @nitasweeney Nita’s Book:
 Depression Hates a Moving Target: How Running with my Dog Brought me Back from the Brink Book Mentioned in the Interview: Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020 About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what’s possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters. You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol

Imagine you’re in your early 30s, you’re in a wheelchair, hallucinating, barely able to follow the doctor’s speech. It’s Friday. And he says,” You’re not going to make it until Monday.” That is today’s guest, Cherie Kephart. A mysterious illness led to years of suffering, during which her symptoms again and again were undiagnosed and misdiagnosed. For many years, Cherie dealt with relentless pain and the anguish of not knowing what was causing it. She shares important lessons the painful experiences taught her about the point of suffering, the meaning of forgiveness, and the importance of stopping, noticing and recalibrating when life moves too fast, among others. The following is just a tiny taste of Cherie’s remarkable insights. Q: What’s the point of suffering? Cherie: The big lesson suffering taught me was that I needed to slow down and pay attention. Q: What eventually led to your healing? Cherie: Believing it would happen was one of my first steps in healing. If you can’t believe it, then it probably won’t happen. Q: What does forgiveness mean? Cherie: The freedom to move on. Q: You’re on a healing path. Does that mean you were broken? Cherie: No. In the midst of my suffering, I felt broken. But in retrospect, I experienced something that propelled me into the beautiful life I live now, that I don’t think I would have gotten without it. And I’m still on the healing path, recognizing that I’m not broken. That I am whole and complete. When I ask if there’s one last thing she’d like our listeners to hear, Cherie says, “Don’t let fear drive you. Put fear in the back seat. Put it in the trunk. Strap it to the roof. Don’t let it drive you. It will be with you. But you have a choice what you do with your fears.” Cherie Kephart is the award-winning author of A Few Minor Adjustments: A Memoir of Healing, an inspirational story of one person’s persistence to find healing. About Cherie Kephart Raised in Venice, California, Cherie longed to travel and experience the way other people lived. After serving as a Peace Corps volunteer in Zambia on a water sanitation and health education project, Cherie returned to the United States with an African souvenir she didn’t expect: a mysterious illness. She fell severely ill and almost died, leaving her with symptoms that went undiagnosed for many years. This inspired Cherie to write her memoir, A Few Minor Adjustments: A Memoir of Healing, taking the reader on a powerful but entertaining journey through her adventures and search for life-saving answers. Find Cherie on Social Media: CherieKephart.com Facebook Instagram: @CherieKephartwriter Goodreads Cherie’s Books: A Few Minor Adjustments: A Memoir of Healing The Healing 100: A Practical Guide to Transforming Your Body, Mind, and Spirit Poetry of Peace Books Mentioned in the Interview: Fierce Joy, by Susie Rinehart Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020 About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what’s possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters. You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol

I am really excited today to bring you the thinking of New York Times best-selling author Dr. Stephen Post, on issues that have driven his career. Stephen and I will be discussing a range of topics, such as whether we need to suffer to really heal, whether we plan our life or destiny controls it, and the difference between human and divine love. His long career as a researcher, public speaker and professor has given him deep insights into these topics that you will want to hear and consider. I am particularly impressed with how consistently Stephen eschews easy answers to inherently complex questions. The following is just a taste of Stephen’s remarkable insights. Q: Do we plan our life, or is it controlled by destiny? Stephen: We are co-creators of our destiny if we live with openness and responsiveness to surprises. Q: Must all of us suffer and become broken in order to truly heal? Stephen: Some people who lack empathy and love are lucky to come to some kind of brokenness so their light can begin to shine through; others are naturally empathetic and do not need that. Q: What’s the difference between human and divine love? Stephen: Human love, no matter how deep, is limited and can turn into anger or hatred; sometimes, if we’re open, we’re invaded by a spirit of (divine) love that is shockingly beyond our usual repertoire. Q: What’s the difference between the right and the wrong kind of oneness? Stephen: We all desire oneness, but we often seek to achieve it by eliminating those who are different; the right kind of oneness includes everyone as having equal eternal value. When asked if there’s one last thing he’d like our listeners to hear, Stephen quotes Eleanor Roosevelt as saying, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Dr. Stephen Post’s latest book, God and Love on Route 80: The Hidden Mystery of Human Connectedness, is a true story of the author's recurring dream as a teenager, and how he literally followed the dream west on Route 80 until he got to a ledge on the Golden Gate Bridge – actually, he’s been following the dream for the rest of his life. It’s a classic story about the hero being called on a spiritual journey. About Dr. Stephen G. Post For over twenty years, Stephen has been spreading the science of giving and the commitment to the greater good. He has promoted the idea of “give and live better” across the globe. Funding over 50 scientific studies at the nation’s top universities as well as conducting his own research, Stephen is considered the “go to” guy with his uplifting message that when we contribute to the lives of others, give meaningfully, and live by the Golden Rule, we are generally happier, healthier, more resilient, creative, hopeful and successful. Find Stephen: Stephen’s website: https://stephengpost.com The Institute for Research on Unlimited Love Stephen’s Books: God and Love on Route 80: The Hidden Mystery of Human Connectedness Why Good Things Happen to Good People: How to Live a Longer, Healthier, Happier Life by the Simple Act of Giving Books Mentioned in the Interview: Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, by Richard Rohr Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020 About Marlena Fiol, PhD Marlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what’s possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters. You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol

In 1984, Rita and her husband Brad welcomed a healthy baby boy named Brandon into their family. Only five years later, Brandon began a 20-year battle with brain cancer. They watched as their son became increasingly mentally and physically handicapped. In June of 2009, Brandon suffered a devastating stroke in the same site as his original brain tumor. With broken hearts, Rita and Brad, made the necessary decisions to set up hospice care. They said goodbye as he “healed into death,” as Rita has so beautifully described it. Rita shares important lessons that her journey with Brandon taught her about suffering, trust, self-care, courage and so much more. The following is just a glimpse into Rita’s inspiring insights. Q: As Brandon's medical crisis turned into a 20-year chronic condition, what did you learn about self-care? Rita: I think people often misunderstand self-care to mean self-indulgence. I actually think self-care is a form of self-discipline, where you choose to do those things that move you in the direction of health and aliveness, so you can authentically show up. Q: What did Brandon’s life and death teach you about trust? Rita: In the medical world, you don't get a choice about trust. You have to sign over your child to surgeons and doctors and nurses really on blind faith. We found a place of existential faith that we were all going to do the best we could. We chose to trust what you couldn’t see, what we couldn’t understand and what we couldn’t control. Q: How did you learn to be OK with receiving help from others? Rita: When we truly engage in the mutual act of giving and receiving, it brings us into an awareness of the interconnectedness of all things. And it tears down our illusions of being separate. Q: How are you different as a result of going through the pain of Brandon's illness and death? Rita: I think how I have changed or been transformed has to do with letting go of everything that's not me. And letting go of all of the attachments we collect growing up about what we're supposed to be and do in the world. I think that's an ongoing journey to become more and more transparently and authentically the person I'm divinely birthed into being on the planet. When I ask if there’s one last thing she’d like our listeners to hear, Rita says, “When we look at the world, it's really easy to be so discouraged that we want to numb out or shut down. This is really a time when I am called to continue to be love and light in the world in whatever way it's given to me to do that. And to trust in the larger mysterious reality that is divine and intended for love and life and aliveness at its very best.” Rita Berglund is a psychotherapist and retreat leader based in Centennial, Colorado. She is the author of An Alphabet about Kids with Cancer. About Rita Berglund In 1984, Rita and her husband Brad welcomed a healthy baby boy named Brandon into their family. Only five years later, Brandon began a 20-year battle with brain cancer. They watched as their son became increasingly mentally and physically handicapped. In June of 2009, Brandon suffered a devastating stroke in the same site as his original brain tumor. With broken hearts, Rita and Brad, made the necessary decisions to set up hospice care. They said goodbye as he “healed into death,” as Rita has so beautifully described it. Rita shares important lessons that her journey with Brandon taught her about suffering, trust, self-care, courage and so much more. Find Rita online: http://www.ritaberglund.com Rita’s Book: An Alphabet about Kids with Cancer Book Mentioned in the Interview: Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020 About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what’s possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters. You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol  

Linda and her strong-willed daughter, Lindsey, a high functioning young adult with intellectual disabilities, always had a complicated relationship. But when Lindsey graduated from high school at nineteen, she got a job at a Goodwill and she moved into a cottage in her parents’ backyard. Linda believed that the worst was finally behind them. Life proved not to be so simple. Linda and I will be discussing topics that go well beyond raising a child with disabilities. We will explore issues of universal interest, such as learning to accept what life hands us, seeing humor in the tragic, and slowing down to appreciate the beauty of the moment. The following is a taste of Linda’s wise and often wry points of view about life. Q: What was one of the most difficult things you faced as the mother of a young adult with disabilities? Linda: It was a rude awakening for me as a mother of a daughter with disabilities that we don't have a lot of power once they turn 18. I had lots of fantasies about going and grabbing her and bringing her home [when Lindsey had run off with a man twice her age]. But if you raise your children to be independent people, the decisions they make are not always going to be in agreement with what you thought they should be. Q: How did you learn to accept the disabilities of your once perfectly healthy baby? Linda: Life is a process. I don't think when you're handed a child with special needs that you can experience acceptance at that moment. For me it was a really long process of learning to accept that Lindsey will probably end up in a group home. Q: As a child, you always had “your eye on the prize,” determined to achieve your goals for the future. How has this changed for you over time? Linda: Sometimes you need to turn around and look behind you and see how far you've come and how beautiful the journey has been. Even if it's been tough, it's still a beautiful journey. Q: I'm wondering what you've learned about yourself over the years as you've dealt with all of these challenges in raising and, in fact, still needing to support a daughter with disabilities. How has it helped you understand in a deeper way who you are? Linda: I'm more at peace with Lindsey's challenges than I've ever been. I've come to the conclusion finally that the decisions Lindsey makes are Lindsey's decisions. They are not really a reflection on my parenting. And Lindsey has certainly taught me some lessons that I didn't even know I needed to learn such as patience, and to find laughter in some of the silly, little things. When I ask if there’s one last thing she’d like our listeners to hear, Linda says, “I truly believe that raising a child with disabilities isn't probably going to be the journey you expected it to be. But depending on how you look at it, I think it can be a fuller journey.” Linda Atwell is the award-winning author of Loving Lindsey: Raising a Daughter with Special Needs. About Linda Atwell Linda lives in Silverton, Oregon with her husband, John. She earned her BA from George Fox College, but it is her entrepreneurial and adventuresome spirit that has inspired her career goals. She owned a successful home décor business for ten years before switching to adjusting catastrophe insurance claims and climbing roofs for a living. Now she writes. Her award-winning work has appeared in print and online magazines. She writes blogs about her daughter Lindsey, a high-functioning young adult with intellectual disabilities, as well as about travel and other life adventures. Her latest book, Loving Lindsey: Raising a Daughter with Special Needs tells the heartrending and sometimes hilariously funny story about Lindsey’s plunge into adulthood.  Find Linda on Social Media: http://lindaatwell.com Facebook Instagram: @linda_atwell_writer Twitter: @outoneear Linda’s Book: Loving Lindsey: Raising a Daughter with Special Needs  Book Mentioned in the Interview: Nothing Bad Between Us: A Story of Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020 About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what’s possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters. You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol  

Susie is an award-winning author, champion ultra-runner, life coach, activist and mother of two young children. On June 30, 2016, she was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive tumor on her brainstem. Her doctor told her, "Without surgery, you have less than five months to live." After multiple complicated surgeries, she has recovered but there were big risks. That was over three years ago. Susie's incredible journey to find her voice and a new kind of bravery after facing death allows her to share important lessons about pain and suffering, finding and holding onto joy, and the importance of slowing down to experience the sweetness of the moment.  The following is just a taste of Susie’s insights.  Q: You speak of two different kinds of pain. What are they? Susie: Clean pain is loss. It is the medical diagnosis. It is the broken bone. Dirty pain is the worrying and the added anxiety and suffering that we layer on top of that loss or that clean pain. Q: What is the point of suffering? Susie: When we go through moments of crisis, we think they're tragic. And yet often, they shine a light on something that we wish we could get rid of, and then also guide us forward in a way that we didn't think we were capable of. Q: What is your path to joy? Susie: Finding a little bit more in balance, having a little bit more self-compassion, a little bit more courage, and a little less criticism of how I show up. Q: You’ve spoken of the need to stop so much doing and focus on being. Is it our doing-ness that’s harmful or our frenetic need for approval? Susie: You don't have to give up the doing. That is your executive functioning brain that wants to accomplish things in this life. But I feel I've been able to accomplish more once I've given up the need to always get it right before I even begin.  When I ask if there’s one last thing she’d like our listeners to hear, Susie says, “Choose connection over consumerism. And if it's work that drives you to achieve excellence, take breaks early and often, and then come back to your work, rather than putting it off until the only thing that you have left for yourself and for others in your life is your exhausted, resentful self.” Susie Rinehart is the author of Fierce Joy: Choosing Brave Over Perfect to Find My True Voice, an inspirational story of learning to choose joy over fear.   About Susie Rinehart Susie is an award-winning author, champion ultra-runner, life coach, activist and mother of two young children. On June 30, 2016, she was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive tumor on her brainstem. Her doctor told her, "Without surgery, you have less than five months to live." After multiple complicated surgeries, she has recovered but there were big risks. That was over three years ago. Susie's incredible journey to find her voice and a new kind of bravery after facing death allows her to share important lessons about pain and suffering, finding and holding onto joy, and the importance of slowing down to experience the sweetness of the moment. Find Susie on Social Media: https://susierinehart.com/ (Website) https://www.instagram.com/susierinehart/ (Instagram) Susie’s Book: Fierce Joy: Choosing Brave Over Perfect to Find My True Voice Books Mentioned in the Interview: A Few Minor Adjustments: A Memoir of Healing, by Cherie Kephart Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020 About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what’s possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters. You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol  

I’m honored to bring you the thinking of New York Times best-selling author Dr. Larry Dossey, on issues he has championed for nearly 40 years. Larry and I will be discussing a range of topics, such as the nature of consciousness, our inherent connectivity and unity with all other life, and the role suffering plays in helping us elaborate and expand our worldview.   His long career as a physician, researcher, writer and public speaker has given him deep insights into these topics that you won’t want to miss. It’s remarkable how consistently and passionately Larry has been the champion for the idea of a collective, unitary consciousness in the face of an initially skeptical scientific community.    The following is just a taste of Larry’s thought-provoking insights.   Q: How do we access the One Mind?  Larry: You really don’t have to do anything to access the One Mind, if you just turn off your rational mind.   Q: How can suffering help us in our journey toward greater wholeness? Larry: Ernest Hemingway said, “Life breaks everyone. Some people grow stronger at the break points. Other people just continue to be broken.” In my own life, I grew stronger at the break points, and probably without some sort of suffering, some sort of dramatic breakage, I would not have made the transitions in my own life and thinking that I did.    Q: Have we progressed as a society in our understanding and acceptance of the One Mind? Larry: Absolutely. About three-quarters of the medical schools in the United States now have courses in their curriculum on the impact of healing intentions and consciousness-mediated healing.   Q: What has the One Mind been called in various spiritual traditions? Larry: You can trace it back 3,000 years to the Hindu tradition, where it was known as the Akashic records. In Zen, it’s called Satori. In the tradition of Yoga, it’s called Somati. In Sufism it’s known as Fanaa. And in Christianity it’s often referred to as Christ Consciousness.   When asked if there’s one last thing he’d like our listeners to hear, Larry says, “Don’t be so serious about the nature of consciousness and what the future holds. Simply allow your unconscious wisdom to bubble up and you’ll be happier, more creative and healthier.”   Dr. Larry Dossey’s latest book, One Mind: How Our Individual Mind Is Part of a Greater Consciousness and Why It Matters, provides compelling data for the existence and power of a collective consciousness. It stretches us to re-imagine the power of our true selves.  About Dr. Larry DosseyThe author of numerous best-selling books and articles, distinguished physician Dr. Larry Dossey has become an internationally influential advocate of the role of the mind in health and the role of spirituality in healthcare. The impact of his work has been remarkable. Before his book Healing Words was published in 1993, only three U.S. medical schools had courses devoted to exploring the role of spirituality in health; currently, nearly 80 medical schools have instituted such courses, many of which utilize Dr. Dossey's works as textbooks. In his 1989 book Recovering the Soul, he introduced the concept of "nonlocal mind" -- mind unconfined to the brain and body, mind spread infinitely throughout space and time. Since then, "nonlocal mind" has been adopted by many leading scientists as an emerging image of consciousness. Dr. Dossey's ever-deepening explication of nonlocal mind provides a legitimate foundation for the merging of spirit and medicine. The ramifications of such a union are radical and call for no less than the reinvention of medicine...and the way each of us thinks about ourself. Find Larry on Social Media: http://larrydosseymd.com/ (Website) https://twitter.com/larrydosseymd (Twitter) https://www.facebook.com/larrydosseymd/ (Facebook) Larry’s Books: One Mind: How Our Individual Mind Is Part of a Greater Consciousness and Why It Matters Recovering the Soul: A Scientific and Spiritual Search Healing Words: The Power of Prayer and the Practice of Medicine Books Mentioned in the Interview: Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, by Richard Rohr Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020 About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what’s possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters. You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol  

Becoming Who You Truly Are is a show that reveals the inspirational stories of people who have faced horrific adversities, and in the process, they have uncovered who they truly are and what's possible for them. We are committed to exploring the unvarnished truth about their remarkable journeys.