We are the enlightened, the ultimate authority. The prophets who drink wine and spoil books you may or may not have read by answering 10th grade English style book club questions from the internet. Warning: may contain long rants. We’re all team Edward here

It's not The Giver part 2. Today we are talking about Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry, which maybe the sequel to The Giver but don't expect it to be a sequel to The Giver. Instead we get kids talented at art, the amazement of indoor plubming, and finding out what the real beast in the woods is.WARNING: ableism, murder, child abuseBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Have you ever read a Harlequin romance? No? Well I bet you have heard of them. And now you get to learn how they got started and how they got so not very spicy.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Necromancers, Werewolves, and Half-Demons...oh my! Today we are talking about the 2008 YA classic, The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong. If you ever watned to not be like other girls and also not be like other necromancers then you are going to love this book because she is so not like other girls, she has streaks in her hair! WARNING: Mental illness, murder, suicideBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

She's a maneater...and the First Lady! On today's storytime we are talking about a book that is beating the Melania Trump documentary in the search results and is totally free! So if you like cryptid's, political satire, and trying to keep your legs away from salt then you should go and get this book!WARNING: MurderBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

It's like all those ice skating movies of the early 2000s but spicy. Today we are talking about Icebreaker by Hannah Grace. If you like romance, the winter olympics, and rich college kids then you are going to love this book. Is figure skating having a moment or is it just hockey players?Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

American's just love not paying for labor. Today we are talking about a time when coal miners of Tennessee fought back against the government after being denied literally the bare minimum requests. Who would have guessed that paying your employees fake money and deciding how much they make in a secret process was going to lead to armed rebellion? Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

If you love The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe, then I have great news for you! Today we are talking about the latest book in the Hunger Games series, Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins. It's just as heartbreaking as all the other ones but this time our protagonist only gets a semi happy ending and it takes over 25 years. Oh to be a Ryan in a world of Urchin's and Heartwood's. WARNING: Child abuse, murder, loss of a child, animal attacksBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

It's the future but they are dressed like it's the past and all their cars are old timey??? Today we are talking about the movie adaptation of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. The cast is star studded, the movie had to make lots of changes because the book is long, and Lucy Gray maybe shouldn't sing ballads without some instruments. Also, if your boyfriend has a shaved head maybe don't sing a song about him being white and pure even if his last name is snow, it's just giving Nazi.WARNING: murder, child abuse, gun violenceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Finally, the war is almost over and yet so many beloved characters have to die still. Today we are talking about Mockingjay Part 2. This one is rough, your faves might not make it, or if you fave is Gale then you might have to deal with him being responsible for a henious war crime. Also, who is doing Katniss's hair and makeup for her to just walk around? WARNING: War, death of children, gun violence, substance abuseBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

66 years before Katniss first enters the arena, there is another girl from District 12 that captures the countries, and Coriolanus Snow's attention. You need to listen if you love: men who think they are important becuase of their last name, snakes who just love a good tune, and cops getting away with crimes. WARNING: Murder, child abuse, domestic violence, cannibalism, war, substance abuseBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Welcome to the revolution. Today we are talking about the movie Mockingjay Part 1. This one brings up Julianne Moore as a president, Peeta looking really rough, and men climbing trees like squirrels. If you are a lumberjack, please let us know how fast you can climb a tree, because I just don't think it an be as fast as these guys. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Featuring the very relevant spongebob chain gang. We watched Catching Fire and have stuff to say about it! If you liked crying, a maybe too convincing double agent and infinity scarves then this is the movie for you! Thank you to whoever fixed Peeta's hair color.WARNING: murder, suicide, violence, and abuseBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

How to start a rebellion? Send a teenager to the front lines armed with just a bow and arrow. Today we are talking about Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins, the final book in the Hunger Games series (until those other two came out). This book is kind of brutal. You have beloved characters dying horrific deaths, people planning crimes against humanity, and something a lot of people have wished for: a successful presidential assassination.WARNING: Murder, war, crimes against humanity, war crimes, death of children, torture, sexual assaultBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

In this one, not even the victors are safe. Today we are talking about Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins, the second book in The Hunger Games series. If you like wedding planning, unlikely freindships, pearls, clocks, and the start of revolution, then this is the book for you!WARNING: Murder, pregnancyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Today we are talking about The Hunger Games (2012)! If you want to see a young Jack Quaid, an unfortunately blonde Josh Hutcherson and Elizabeth Banks in a crazy wig then this is the movie for you! We also have Donald Sutherland as an evil president and Woody Harrelson and a man making deals, you can't ask for more.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

If Love Island took a dark twist. Today we are talking about a true classic, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. You probably already know but just in case you weren't a teen in the early 2010s, this book has it all: archery, bread, and a girl who can't accept a man isn't gaslighting her. This book just wants you to start a rebellion against your unjust oligarchy (looking at you America).WARNING: murder, child abuse, starvation, death of a parent, death of children, PTSD, talk of suicideBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

What is the point of having a twin if you can't make them go to work for you? Today we are talking about The Holiday Swap by Maggie Knox. If you like to watch Hallmark romcoms and holiday baking shows then this is the book for you! It's also the book for you if you are obsessed with sourdough starters, have ever had a minor concussion, or live in the town from Gilmore Girls. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Your grandpa hates you because he ain't you. Today we are talking about Honey by VC Andrews. This book has a lot of accusations of drama without the actual drama. But it also has the necessary bible loving grandparent, a machete, and a super profitable farm with only three people working it. WARNING: Death, incest, sexual assaultBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Who wouldn't ditch their daughter for some fake diamonds and new clothes? Today we are talking about Rose by VC Andrews. Surprise, she is more than a pretty face with good posture...she does interpretive dance now! All the kids who spent their lives working on their talent must be pissed this girl who has been dancing for less than a year gets a spot at the fancy school over them.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Is she cold? Is she cool? Is it just a weird name? We will never know! Today we are talking about Ice by VC Andrews. The second book in the shooting stars series and again not much happens. Ice can sing, Balwin can play piano, and people go wild over one guys weight. Truly someone gets shot and the book spends more time talking about this one kids weight. Wild.TRIGGER: Domestic violence, gun violence, eating disorders, racismBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Where being on Meth just makes sense....? Today we are talking about The Waking Dark by Robin Wasserman. This book somehow proves anti-vaxxers right but not in the way they want. Listen if you like teens using radios, football players in love, and a mayor living out his dream of becoming town dictator. WARNING: Murder, death of children, sexual asualt, substance abuse, religous extremism, homophobiaBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Happy Halloween! Today we are talking about a spooky adjacent movie, the 2014 Lifetime movie Flowers in the Attic! They tone down the incest but keep the bad mother figures at a 10! What is your favorite Kiernan Shipka moment and why is it also her one episode of Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23?Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Come and experience the joys of Motherhood with us! Today we are talking about Just Like Mother by Anne Heltzel. If you also love a female cult leader, creepy dolls, and a very weird version of the conservative love of forcing women to have children then this is the book for you!WARNING: Death of a child, murder, sexual assualt, forced pregnancy, child abuse, self harmBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Lets celebrate women in mens fields. Today we are talking about My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite. If you like blind loyalty, hot girls making great points, and comatose men then this is the book for you! WARNING: Murder, domestic violenceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

"By the pricking of my thumbs, someghing wicked this way comes." - William Shakespeare. Today we are talking about Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury. Calling all fellow Autumn people, this is the book for you and the perfect book to read during the spooky season. We got creepy carnivals, children who are really adults, and lots of tattoos. What more could you ask for?Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

It's an angsty white man but this time he's international (like pitbull). Today we are talking about Less by Andrew Sean Geer. If you dream of traveling the world just to avoid a possibly awkward moment, then this is the book for you! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

This one's got it all: blackmail, clowns, and big ol titties. Seriously, don't cheat on your boyfriend with a clown in a room that does not have a lock, it can only lead to blackmail. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

it's really not that hard, just get rid of all the dolls and puppets (also wear safety glasses). Today we are talking about How to Sell A Haunted House by Grady Hendrix. If you like puppets, telling the kids about the atrocities of the war against terror, and limb amputation then this is the book for you!WARNING: death of a child, death of parents, violenceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Are all wizards from Wales? Today we are talking about Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones. This book has everything: scarecrows that knock on doors, angsty goo, and fire demon friendships. Enjoy!Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

the sexy cowboy recap we've all been waiting for! Listen as Sydney finally gets to hear the plots of all those sexy cowboy books (many apparently not even sexy) that she bought all these past years.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Don't marry the first guy to be nice to your kid. Today we are talking about His Country Girl by Jillian Hart, the book that has everything you could want: horses, kids with phone access, and a city girl finding love in the country (but as a side story).Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Today we are talking about board books but more importantly we are talking about the whack one star Google reviews for The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

This week we're in small town Montana, which is apparently full of crime, and none of it really makes sense, but don't worry, the cowboy still gets the girl in the end!Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Welcome back to Sexy Cowboy Summer! It's Christmas in July this week, and the 12 days of Christmas just got a little more naughty.... this week we're covering two books for the price of one! Hold Me, Cowboy is the classic enemies to lovers but with a slight Christmas twist, and then there's a story about billionaires falling in love, which isn't as exciting. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

It's part 2 of sexy cowboy summer! This week we're investigating a 10 year old cold case, and the killer is....maybe who you suspected all along? Tune in for JUSTICE! With a sprinkling of prayer and lots of attempted murder.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Sydney's on break, so welcome to Sexy Cowboy Summer! We're starting it off with a lot of drama, cults, murder, and child marriage! Don't worry, it wraps up a little too nicely if you ask us. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

It's another Grimms' Fairytale! Another man wanders into a forest and finds a princess, who saw that coming?! Plus an announcement about upcoming episodes and the newest member of the Book Cult team. (Congrats Sydney!)Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Who is the real genius: the dog, the toddler or the scientist? Today we are talking about Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus, a book about feminism, sodium chloride and competitive rowing. Let us know if you had kids reheating leftovers for lunch in elementry school.WARNING: Sexual assualt, sexism, suicide, child abuse, death, sexual harrassmentBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Will Ponyboy stay golden? Listen to find out! Today we are talking about The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, a book written by a teen, about teens and for teens. Since neither of us are teens, we have mixed thoughts on the book. Sympathy for all oldest siblings, we deal with so much.WARNING: murder, police violence, death of a child, child abuseBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

What if Little Red Riding Hood had a not so catchy name? Today you get the real story of a little girl who listens to a wolves advice to bring her grandma some flowers and ends up almost dying because of it. Let us know what is the best wine and cake to help cure your elderly grandma's illness!Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

A great book for if you want to know if your dick size is average! Today we are talking about Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut. A classic book full of wild scifi stories, men thinking they are the only person in the world who matters, and a lot of commentary on how capitalism has destroyed the enviroment. WARNING: domestic violence, assualt, racism, homophobia, mental illnessBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Is this what discord is for? Today we are talking about an new episode of Law & Order: SVU where the plot sounds more like a VC Andrews books than some VC Andrews books. WARNING: sexual assualt, violence against women, gun violenceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

A man famous enough to be in a coffee table book of just general world history. We are talking about James Joyce, best know for the book Ulysses but also apparently a guy who had such a hard time getting anything published because he just was too spicy for his time.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

The prequel that nobody asked for. Today we are talking about Hidden Leaves by VC Andrews (with surprise Dark Seeds by VC Andrews), the book that discusses how one doctor felt it was totally okay for him to be in a relationship with a patient because she's not like other girls. Tell us who you think the real villan of the book is.WARNING: self harm, sexual assualtBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Listen to hear about all the stuff we have learned over the past 99 mini episodes that were maybe not always all that mini. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Not the musical and not woods related at all. We are talking about Into the Woods by VC Andrews, the 4th book in the De Beers series. In this one we learn about Grace's childhood, her gold digger mom, and how she just cannot stop calling people daddy. WARNING: Sexual assualt, suicide, mental health Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

What happens when a teenager decides that her whole family hates her? She runs away in a motor home with her uncle and boyfriend of course! Except this road trip doesn't make it very far and instead she ends up hanging out with a family as troubled as her own. Join us as we talk about the not so VC Andrews book, Twisted Roots by VC Andrews.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

How could he turn out as anyone but fabio with that name? Today we are talking about the King of Romance, Fabio Lanzoni aka Fabio. Yes that is his real name and yes he really does live up to it. Fabio was pretty much destined to be a male model and embraces it by also being a chill dude who has some questionable sleep habits.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

What is our girl Willow up to in the second book of the De Beers series? Getting married, obviously but also becoming besties with a professor who doesn't understand professional boundaries and ignoring a bunch of signs that her brother needs to get some serious help. Listen to hear one chapter of a very VC Andrews plot and like 15 chapters of red flags being ignored by a 20 year old girl who maybe should ask for some help.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Today we are talking about werewolves. Are they real? Were they a big problem in France? Does the full moon matter? Did that one guys wife really deserve to have her nose bit off? Was it all a tiger? Or was it just an explanation for serial killers? Listen here to learn the history of werewovles and how they have literally been a thing forever.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.

Today we are talking about Willow, the first book in the De Beers series by VC Andrews. If you are expecting a wild ride like that in Flowers in the Attic or My Sweet Audrina then be prepared to be disappointed because even though it has all the usual VC elements (dead parents, rich people, creepy brother), it's like pretty chill."More like yawn-o"WARNING: death of a parent, sexual assault, mental illness, depression, suicideBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/book-cult--5718878/support.