Open Adoption Project

Cultivating and nurturing any relationship takes work and dedication. Relationships in open adoption are sometimes hard to maintain. In this episode, we discuss some questions we're asked frequently regarding how to move forward in adoption relationships when things get complicated, and considerations when trying to choose a path forward. In particular, we discuss how respect and communication factor into forging stronger relationships.

We wrap up National Adoption Month with a discussion about disenfranchised grief and some highlights and lessons learned during 100 episodes of the Open Adoption Project podcast (so far). Disenfranchised grief is grief that is not recognized as valid by society, and is prevalently experienced in the adoption community. We talk about how those who adopt can better understand grief experienced by adopted people and first parents, and how this understanding can counter shame and create stronger bonds. We also share what our most downloaded episode is, and a handful of some of the most impactful interviews we've done since starting the show in 2021. We'll be back in the new year with our fifth season. Happy Holidays and thanks for learning with us!

In this episode we introduce a discussion and questions regarding the similarities and differences between embryo adoption and traditional adoption. A guest couple shares their experience with embryo adoption. We share results from a small survey we posted on our instagram about embryo adoption, and discuss the section on embryo adoption from “The Adoption Constellation” by Dr. Michael Grand as well as an article from European Child and Psychiatry.

Julie was adopted as an infant with her twin sister. In this episode she shares how medical issues pushed her to connect with her birth family nearly 50 years after being adopted. She writes extensively about finding out who you are, where you belong, and making sense of it. Julie's debut memoir, “Twice a Daughter: A Search for Identity, Family, and Belonging” (2021) is the story of her five-year search for birth relatives. Her weekly blogs That Girl, This Life and monthly column at The Beacher focus on identity, family, and life's quirky moments. Her follow up book, “Belonging Matters: Conversations on Adoption, Family & Kinship” was released this month. In this episode, she discusses adoption, adversity, abandonment, and developing identity as an adoptee.

When we recently discussed orphan trains, one thing that stood out to us was that the policies and practices during this time were adoptive parent-focused. This problem persisted over time, like during the Baby Scoop Era. In this episode, we discuss why this focus on adopters is problematic, and actionable ways adoptive parents can shift the focus in the adoption community toward adoptees and biological parents.

In this National Adoption Awareness Month special, we hear adoptee Sara Odicio, LSW, of Core of Adoption. She talks about ruptured attachments. We then discuss some of Dr. Bruce D. Perry's research on child attachment and development, and eight ways caretakers can help nurture children who struggle with secure attachments. We reference two articles by Dr. Perry called “Examining child maltreatment through a neurodevelopmental lens: clinical application of the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics” (2009) and "Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children Consequences of Emotional Neglect in Childhood" (2001).For more about how to nurture children experiencing ruptured attachments, and for more information on some of Dr. Perry's work, go to ChildTrama.org and bdperry.com.

In this National Adoption Awareness Month special, we hear from four adoptees—Melaina, Sara, DaKota, and Jori—and some things each of them want people to understand about being adopted.

Foster care trainer with Utah Foster Care Liz Rivera shares her thoughts on openness in foster care situations. She discusses the importance of prioritizing meaningful relationships for children in care and honoring children's roots.

In this episode of our National Adoption Month series, we hear from Leah Outten, a birth mom who consults with prospective adoptive parents, about her top tips for building an adoption profile with expectant parents in mind.

Sara Jane Schenk is a birth mom of about 16 years and has had a very open adoption the entire time. She talks about the importance of communication within the adoption community, destigmatizing adoption, and the supporting village that helped her through placement.

In this episode, foster care trainer Liz Rivera shares key takeaways from the book, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry. Her experience working at Utah Foster Care for more than 2 decades shines in this conversation about childhood trauma and finding peace and healing.

In this episode of our National Adoption Month series, our Director of Communications, Alisha Gallagher, interviews Anna Maria DiDio, an author and adoptive parent. Anna Maria shares her experience of realizing the importance of nurturing cultural connections and helping individuals who were adopted preserve their cultural identities.

This episode dives into the history of orphan trains in the United States. The orphan trains operated from 1854 through 1929, relocating from about 200,000 children. In this episode, we discuss the orphan train using accounts from a historical nonfiction book called “Orphan Train Rider” by Andrea Warren. This book primarily follows the memories of Lee Nailling, who rode an orphan train in 1926 as a nine-year-old child. In this episode, we discuss some long-term impacts of orphan trains and the policies implemented during this era. We also discuss how openness, honesty, and connecting to roots can make a difference in the lives of individuals who experience adoption.

Christelle was adopted at 10 year old from Madagascar to France after her mother passed away. She shares about her experience as a black adoptee growing up in a white community, about the challenges of being an International adoptee with very little knowledge about her story, and the cultural changes in her life. Learn more on her website christellepellecuer.com

In this episode of our National Adoption Month series, we hear from Leah Outten, a birth mom who placed her daughter for adoption as a teenage mother, and maintained a very open adoption throughout her daughter's childhood and on into adulthood.

In this episode we recap the third season of the show, remembering some experiences we heard about regarding open adoption over the past 15 months and discussing how the adoption community can better support adoptees and birth parents through openness in both adoption and dialogues.

Doctor Abbie Goldberg is a professor at Clark University in Massachusetts. As a professor of psychology, her research regarding adoptive and diverse families, open adoption, transracial adoption, and foster care have immense importance in the adoption community. In this episode, she shares pieces of her extensive knowledge, including the importance of both structural and communicative openness. She also discusses the importance of accepting and embracing the uniqueness of the children in our families.

Stevoni Doyle and Aymee Condie are mothers connected initially through shared love for their children. In this episode, these strong women share their story, beginning with Stevoni's children being cared for by Aymee. Over the years, they have built a beautiful family and strong friendship, where they support one another in their roles as mothers. This episode discusses the challenges of foster care, drug addiction, and maintaining connections, as well as the power of vulnerability, forgiveness, trust, and supporting one another with love and understanding, particularly in regards to parenting children in foster and adoption situations.

In this episode we hear from Robert Reese. Robert was adopted from South Korea as an infant, and was raised in the United States. When he was 16, he began searching for his birth mom. He shares what searching was like for him, and how his adoptive parents supported him in that endeavor. He also discusses racial and cultural mirrors and thoughts regarding how the adoption community can support adoptees in their different experiences.

In this episode, we hear from Professor Michael Grand, the father of the term “adoption constellation.” Professor Grand shares highlights from his academic career as a psychology professor in and researcher who spent years studying a myriad of aspects relating to adoption. He discusses his professional research and his personal experience as a step-adoptee, and the importance of openness and connection. He also discusses the importance of adoptees' constellations, including grandparents, friends, ecclesiastic leaders, and others who impact adoptee perspectives and identities. Professor Grand's book, “The Adoption Constellation,” is available on Amazon.

Joanna Pace, a teacher and adoptive parent, shares lessons she's learned about helping children set boundaries, and what led her to write the “Setting Boundaries” song with her musician husband and partner at Hopscotch Songs. She talks about how parents can help children advocate for their safety and why boundaries matter, both in the adoption world and beyond.

Adoptee Allison Olson, author of the children's book “Surrounded by Love,” discusses the impact of the “lucky adoptee” narrative and adoptee wellness. The vast spectrum of what “open adoption” means and how openness impacts experiences across the adoption constellation are subjects Allison is well-versed in. She discusses the importance of adoptee access to their own original birth certificates, the differences she's seen on adoptee wellness when open adoption is practiced. Allison is now also an adoptive parent and shares how her experience as an adoptee impacted that journey as well. Follow her on social media @kidsbooksbyallisonolson, find her book on Amazon, and visit her website ouradoptionbooks.com

In this episode we hear from Eileen Skahill, an adoptee and academic who studies adoption. She shares her experiences and perspectives and also discusses a current research project she's working on. Are you and adoptee that is interested in participating in Eileen's current research? If so, please contact her at eskahill@uccs.edu

This is a conversation that we shared last year, 2022, for Juneteenth. In this episode, you'll hear several members of the adoption community share thoughts on race, and multicultural and transracial adoption.

Lauren Eisenhauer is a birth mom who placed her daughter for adoption 18 years ago, and maintained contact throughout her daughter's childhood. She talks about her experience choosing adoption as a teenager, and what that looked like, including naming her daughter with the adoptive parents and making choices about what she wanted things to look like. She talks about shame and stigma as well as the importance of therapy. She shares thoughts on open adoption relationships transitioning into adulthood as well.

Patrick Hawes, an adoptee raised in a multicultural home, shares his experience being adopted as an infant and reuniting with his biological mom later in life. He shares different struggles that came with not talking about adoption in the home and the healing that came with finding his family. Sign up for our newsletter here, apply for free assistance using DNA to find your biological family here.

In this episode, we discuss some of the complexities of adoptee reunion with Heather Rodriguez. Heather Rodriguez is an adoptee as well as a foster and adoptive parent. She shares raw experiences and emotions from her reunion experiences and her thoughts on adoptees' need to connect with and understand their ancestry.

In this episode, we hear thoughts about searching for one's biological family from five adoptees– Sara Odacio, John Saintignon, Amanda Justice, Devanie Roberts, and Amy Wilkerson– including thoughts on preparing for potential outcomes, support, self-care, and connecting. Devanie Roberts, an adoptee who we talked to on the show in March, is going to select a few adoptees to help in the search for their biological families for upcoming episodes. If you know of someone who would like to apply to be one of the adoptees she helps on our show, click here. A link to a study cited in the episode can be found here. Also, if you're interested, sign up for our monthly newsletter here.

Ellie Wynn was adopted at birth and reconnected with her biological family at 14 years old. In this episode, Ellie shares her personal experiences as an adoptee, the benefits of having an open adoption, and experiences to help the community better understand the nuances of open adoption.

In this episode, we hear from Brady Murray of RODS Heroes, a nonprofit organization aspiring to give voices to children in foster homes and institutions in international countries. Brady and his wife Andrea became parents of a son with Down syndrome in 2007. Over the following months and years, they discovered what a blessing it is to experience life with someone who has Down syndrome. When Brady and Andrea learned it is common practice in many countries for special needs children to be abandoned and generally placed in orphanages, and then when reaching age five or six are usually transferred to adult mental institutions, where many die within just a few months, the couple felt moved to act. They founded RODS (Racing for Orphans with Down Syndrome), and now focus on sharing voices of children and helping them join families with grants. RODS Heroes' ultimate vision for the future is that families, communities, and nations will see the light that individuals with special abilities have, and will choose to keep these children and allow them to thrive in their home communities. Their current goal is to help children find loving homes where they can thrive and achieve their potential.

Devanie grew up in a very open adoption during a time when open adoption was so rare, a local news station in California, where she grew up, did a special about her open adoption when she was a baby. While she grew up with a very open adoption and visited her biological mother and her side of the family, Devanie did not know her biological father as a child. Devanie loves family history, and shares how she used Genetic Genealogy to search for her biological father as she grew older. She also talks about the struggles of experiencing infertility as an adoptee, transparency, trust, support in adoption, and the self-confidence she feels her open adoption instilled in her.

Sara was adopted at birth during a time when open adoption was nearly unheard of, but she grew up in a very open adoption. In today's episode, she shares her thoughts regarding her experiences, talking about many of the complexities of adoption and relationships. She talks about creating psychological safety for individuals to share their feelings openly, and the importance of truly listening to these individuals with the goal of learning. She also discusses how her thoughts have evolved as she came to adopt her second child.

We continue our Adoption in the Media series in this episode, where foster parents Alisha and Shane lead a discussion of themes in the movie “Instant Family.” They answer questions from listeners regarding expectations and realities of being foster care providers, and discuss how supporting and continuing relationships with first families enriches the lives of the children they care for.

“Goodbye Again” author Candace Cahill shares her story of placing her son for adoption, reuniting with him 18 years later, and then tragically losing him again shortly after. She shares how she and the adoptive father of her son have grieved and supported each other together since her son's passing, and how their relationship has supported them both through immense struggles. She talks about the complex emotions of adoption, and the elements of coercion, deceit, secrecy, and money that taint it.

What does open adoption look like in practice? What are some of the challenges for adoptees, biological, and adoptive family members in these relationships? How can parents (both adoptive and biological) build better relationships with and for their children? We include thoughts from adult adoptees who grew up in both open and closed adoptions.

If you're new to our podcast, this is a great place to start! In this episode, we discuss what open adoption is, why it matters, and what we can do to build better open adoption relationships with the ultimate goal of empowering adoptees with a more complete portrait of their identity. We discuss answers to listener-submitted questions, like whether it's possible to have too much openness, and how to navigate fears and insecurities.

Coach John Saintignon shares his story and perspectives on the podcast this week. John is an adoptee who was born in Mexico and raised in Arizona. Basketball has been part of his life since he was a child.He was the leading scorer in country when playing college basketball, and went on to play professionally. He currently lives in Japan where he coaches basketball. In John's discussion with Shaun, John shares about his search for his bio family starting when he was 50 years old and his reunion experience. He talks about how one can't understand someone else's perspective unless they are that person, and the importance of staying away from judgement and asking questions for understanding instead. We're so excited to share his perspective and story with you. This is a phenomenal episode, give it a listen!Connect with John on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn

We are excited to introduce a new, special “Adoption in the Media” series on the podcast. In this episode we host a live discussion led by our friend, adoptee Melaina Rogers. We're starting the series off with a holiday-themed discussion, about the movie "Elf" and the portrayal of adoption in that film. Questions and themes discussed include submissions from our listeners and Instagram followers. We'll post about our next Adoption in Media recording at openadoptionproject.org. Happy holidays from the Open Adoption Project!

Chilean adoptee Amy Wilkerson, LCSW, shares her adoption story in this episode. Amy was adopted as an infant by a family in the United States, and, uniquely, was able to reconnect with her biological family as a teenager. She shares the struggles of balancing honoring and remembering culture in adoption, including her biological heritage as a Chilean and her adopted heritage being raised in a Jewish family.Amy Wilkerson is a therapist and social worker who wrote the book “Being Adopted” to help adoptive families discuss adoption with adoptees in a way that empowers kids to share their feelings and feel psychological safety. “Being Adopted” was written for younger adoptees of any background, and outlines adoption experiences aimed at helping adoptees process and reflect on their individual circumstances and emotions. This book offers an opportunity for adoptees to normalize thoughts and feelings. Additionally, this book comes with a guide for caregivers to adopted children. You can find Amy at growhealblossom.com or check out her new podcast Adoptees Dish.

This week we're excited to share another adoptee voice on the podcast. Amanda Justice, a Black adoptee, was adopted by a white family at three days old in a closed adoption. Amanda coaches adoptive families through transracial adoption scenarios and the importance of racial identity for adoptees in particular. Of adopting children of different races than the adoptive family, Amanda says: "It's not for everyone. It's going to take commitment and constant learning. If you are not willing to learn about new things and keep an open mind you can do more damage to your child than you think." Amanda reminds us all that adoptees are the experts in adoption, and challenges listeners to keep listening and learning from adoptees. This is such important advice, and is really at the heart of why we do this podcast! We're so grateful for Amanda and the other adoptees who share with us. Learn more about what Amanda is doing on Instagram @blackgrilwhitefamily or by visiting her website, blackgirlwhitefamily.com.

In this episode, we hear from author and award-winning journalist Erika Hayasaki. Erika is a professor in the Literary Journalism Department at the University of California, Irvine. Five years ago, Erika learned about Isabella and Hà, identical twins who were born in 1998 in Nha Trang, Việt Nam, where their first mother struggled to care for them. Isabella (initially named Loan) was taken to an orphanage where an American family adopted her. Hà, the other twin, was deemed too sickly for the orphanage. She was taken in by her biological aunt and her aunt's partner, and grew up in rural Việt Nam. After Isabella's adoptive mother learned about Hà, she was determined to reunite the sisters. Since learning about these twin sisters who were adopted by different families, Erika has been researching and interviewing to prepare this book, ”SOMEWHERE SISTERS: A Story of Adoption, Identity, and the Meaning of Family" which was recently published. In this interview, some of the things Erika discusses include the future of adoption post-Roe v. Wade, adoptee citizenship legal issues, how adoptee experiences fit into a complex understanding of Asian American identity, the history of adoption in the U.S. and transnational, adoptee experiences in the age of anti-Asian hate.

Dr. Christina Reese and Elaine Shenk share thoughts regarding transitioning into adulthood for adult adoptees. In this interview, the two share their advice for adoptees and adoptive parents as they discuss trauma and how to work through challenging transitions. Learn more in their new book, "Leveling Up: Adoptive Parents and Adult Adoptees: Taking Your Relationship to the Next Level," a book geared toward Christian adoptive families, available October 20, 2022. Find it at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.

In this episode, we learn from a Peruvian indigenous adoptee. Maria Trimble is a licensed mental health counselor and a licensed professional counselor. In this interview, she talks about the trauma experienced by adoptees when transitioning into new cultures, languages, and families, and ways that therapy can bring healing and understanding during these transitions. Maria's website for her online therapy services for adults and adolescents is hikingtheheart.com. She specializes in adoptee counseling and support, post-adoption services, and consultations for adoptive parents and professionals.

Jamie Weiss shares some of her experiences as an adoptee in the 1970s, growing up in a closed adoption, never having conversations at home about adoption. She shares thoughts about her reunion experience and adoptee trauma. Jamie works with the Georgia Alliance for Adoptee Rights. You can also follow her adoption education efforts at signedsealedadopted.com. She and a fellow-adoptee just launched a podcast where they discuss children's books from adoptee perspectives called Adoption Rewritten.

In this episode we discuss the history of different schools of thought regarding adoption language, including Positive Adoption Language and Honest Adoption Language. We also talk about following the adoptees' leads and giving thought to circumstances. Words matter! Adoptive parents need to be cognizant of the preferred language of adoptees and biological parents in their lives. We advocate for adoptee-focused language. We discuss the need to focus our adoption language on adoptees and their preferences rather than on others in the adoption community. The tricky thing about this topic is that every adoptee is going to feel differently. As a community, we need to do better at listening to and respecting the needs of biological parents and, most of all, adoptees.

Sara, a Chinese-born adoptee who was raised in Pennsylvania, is now a social worker who coaches teenage adoptees. In this episode, she shares her story and how she came to work with adoptees. She shares thoughts and advice for the adoption community to better help listen to and validate adoptees, in particular adopted youth. Learn more about Sara's professional work in the adoption community at https://www.coreofadoption.net/ and follow her on Instagram @core.ofadoption.

Steph, a French adoptive dad, talks about his experience adopting his daughter. He highlights some of the differences between adoption in the United States and France, based on his experiences. We love how Steph highlighted the importance of taking care of first parents and the importance of prioritizing their care and control over their time and decisions post-birth. He also talks about the overturning of Roe v. Wade, potentially giving less control and choice to first parents. Steph's family hired a doula as an advocate for their daughter's first mom, and talks about creating positive open adoption relationships.

In this panel episode we hear from Keri, Dawn, and Regan, who are all either birth moms or adoptive moms. They share their thoughts and experiences regarding cultivating meaningful open adoption relationships. We hear thoughts from each of them regarding building and maintaining relationships over long-distances. The panel discusses lessons learned over the years and advice for building relationships with adoptive and birth family. They also share tips for others on creating these relationships.

We're kicking off Season 3 of the Open Adoption Project with a conversation with Rachel Kramer. Rachel is an adoptee and a birth mom, who shares how her experience growing up in a semi-open adoption influenced her decision to place her twins in an open adoption last year. Rachel is from the southern United States and talks openly about the struggles and hardships of adoption.

This bonus episode is a special Juneteenth episode. Our friend DaKota with the Destiny Adoption Foundation hosted a Juneteenth Conference on June 17, 2022, with guest speakers Samantha Williams, a birth mom, and Jeena and Drue Wilder, adoptive parents. In celebration of Juneteenth we are so honored to share the audio from the conference with our listeners. A special thank you to DaKota and the Destiny Adoption Foundation for sharing and hosting this discussion. DaKota, an adult adoptee who grew up in an open adoption, is featured in episode 18 of our podcast.

This week we look back on some key takeaways from season 2. We'll be back with season 3 beginning on July 11.