Pearls & Swine Podcast

I think I have King Ahab figured out...he is a people-pleaser. This is how people-pleasing and leadership can make a mess.

Ted's story is hard to even start the telling. His story is a call to the church to be the church.

Image management can be a temptation for churches and Christian organizations. We all want others to see us personally in the best light and that gets transferred into how we market our church or organization.

Sandi has worked for mission agencies almost her entire adult career. And she has experienced multiple toxic leaders in nearly all those agencies.

Being an Assistant can be very difficult when serving under a toxic leader. Here is some help.

When it comes to abuse, are we more focused on sin or safety?

Beat up relationships, financial struggle, and thankless service are commonplace in our service in God's kingdom. We find shalom (peace) knowing God is in our work. However, there is an added layer of trial when the employee serves under a toxic leader.

No matter your background, you have likely heard this maxim used. It is simple, to the point, and can be helpful in determining a course of action that is selfless. But is there another interpretation of it that is biblical?

The toxic leader will be threatened by the slightest show of strength from subordinates. This was the story of the new king of Egypt in the time following the death of Joseph. But it only gets worse for subordinates.

Mark was a church planter, establishing an off-site satellite campus. He was hired by a large, multi-campus ministry to resurrect a church with less than twenty members. Mark said there were signs of toxicity he should have seen before he signed on.

With multiple degrees and experience in psychology and business, Kets de Vries describes several toxic leadership styles in Leader on the Couch. Though he discusses at length narcissistic and anti-social leaders - unfortunately common toxins among leaders - he names several less psychotic leadership destroyers.

The stories told by participants in my research of toxic leadership portray a range of damage wrought by abusive bosses. In my experience, there is emotional, physical, and spiritual damage done by toxic bosses to their subordinates. No one is unscathed by their abuse.

John and Susan faced abuse from church leadership, leading to rejection and emotional harm. Despite this, they found healing in a new church community, highlighting the importance of addressing spiritual abuse.

Praying for those, who are so destructive to other people, to be stopped completely—sent to the grave—is a prayer for the victim and predator. It is for the victim's freedom. And, it is to stop the destruction wrought by the oppressor.

The extent of board dysfunction and lack of accountability is shocking. Boards of organizations are normally given authority and responsibility for keeping their CEOs and chairmen accountable. Yet, among the Christian organization employees who were under abusive leadership with whom I have spoken, only one board did something about the toxic leader.

There was a time—and culture—when children were considered more of a bother and thought much more lowly than now. Yet, Jesus used them as a good example. Leaders, learn from the child.

This is the story of so many who are intimidated by leaders. Followers who fear loss can be easily manipulated. It is how toxic leaders retain their authority over others.

After the confrontation of the founder of the organization with two other high-profile Christian leaders, the founder went to his office, got on the phone, and began blackballing Graham to associates across America.

Reading the early part of Paul's letter to Titus is at once like sitting at a brightly lit sidewalk cafe with a freshly brewed coffee in hand and curled up in a corner in depression. We need these kinds of leaders.

Leaders should emphasize the importance of humility and giving credit to others while encouraging leadership that fosters teamwork and values subordinates' contributions.

It wasn't long after the honeymoon that Jeanie began suffering from her husband Richard's lack of care for his family and she suffered for nearly thirteen years from sexual abuse in their bedroom. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

After sharing her unbearable stress, Susan was nearly ignored by her church leadership. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

The words Jesus gives to the crowds are hard words, but particularly hard for leaders in their cultural context. What would Jesus do? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Ethan said there were red flags he should have seen, and to this day, several years later, lives with a certain guilt that he failed in his calling. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Criticism can be difficult to accept, but leaders should recognize it as potential guidance from God, fostering humility and growth. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Toxic leadership affects many, but a future promise exists when the Lord will eradicate such leadership and provide true care. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Have you come to know of abuse? Has your friend told you a little of their boss or husband's abusive behavior? Scripture tells us we have a responsibility. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Whether the toxic leader has a personality disorder, or is better diagnosed as an “abuser,” which is not the same thing according to some psychologists, they are exceptional manipulators and refuse to humbly admit their failures. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

In my own experience with toxic leaders, it was common to hear 1 Peter 2:18 quoted or paraphrased by those who wished to protect the authority of leaders. Does 1 Peter 2 mean that we blindly submit to church and parachurch leaders though they be described as liars, mean, narcissistic, and other nasty characteristics by their followers? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

How do the church and parachurch organizations create toxic work environments? If we know the answer to that question, maybe - just maybe - we can save our witness to a watching world from the pit! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

How should the target of a supervisor's abuse "love" him, "do good" to him, and "bless" him? I would suggest Jesus is giving examples of the principle Paul stated elsewhere that we are not to "repay...evil for evil." --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

John finds it inexplicable that “in America we are in the land of the free and home of the brave, but when [a worker's] liberty is at stake they fail to exercise their liberty.” --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Leaders may begin well. The LORD has given them vision for the organization they have been tasked with leading. But, in time they begin to drink the koolaid of power and self-sufficiency. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Toxic leadership almost always involves heightened anxiety caused by a fear of losing status or a position of leadership resulting in anger, defensiveness, and blame-shifting when confronted.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

There are those leaders who are simply bad. They are toxic to their core and they reap destruction in the workplace. But, there are leaders who begin well and end badly. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

What should be second nature to Christian organizations has, in some ways, been purloined by business leadership. Teamwork. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Abuse often lives in a system. Christians are suspicious of systems theory because they think in a “western individualistic” way. However, sometimes, Groupthink is what enables and creates toxic organizations. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Christians read the Psalms and find statements that seem to conflict with the open-hearted, mercy-oriented, forgiveness-driven Gospel we preach from our pulpits. But the "imprecatory Psalms" are as valid now as they were when they were sung in Old Testament worship. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Self-differentiation is rooted in biblical and psychological concepts. We need go no further than to focus on the examples of Jesus and King David to illustrate dependence and trust in God as necessary to use our gifting. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

King Solomon was maybe the wisest king of all time, How did it all end and what does it teach leaders today? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

What do you do with an apology from a abusive leader? Real apologies are rare due to inner evil. But we are not omniscient so give it time. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Standing by abuse victims is vital for all. Jonathan's experience with his father, Saul demonstrates the difficulty of identifying toxic leadership in those with whom we are close. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

The struggle for validation and vindication in the face of abusive leadership is echoed in Psalms, encouraging patience and trust in God's righteous judgment. The remedy lies in turning to God's Word—Jesus—for healing and endurance. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

A leader boasting in weaknesses can demonstrate humility and reliance on Christ's strength, distinguishing good leadership from toxic leadership. Without humility there is just no way. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Jacob served under a pastor he considered narcissistic, who prioritized money, fame, and favoring wealthy members. Despite being fired, Jacob found healing and continued his ministry journey. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

The book of Job highlights misguided counseling of abuse victims rooted in black-and-white beliefs, instead of comprehensive biblical theology. Abuse victims are never at fault. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Zechariah warns of punishment for wicked leaders, calling them to repentance. God ultimately brings judgment and restoration through Jesus. Toxic leaders need to be warned. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

It is a sin to fail to act against abuse. Unfortunately, it is all too common for bystanders in the workplace to stand by the toxic boss. Rather, standing up for the victims is essential, despite fears and pressures. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Over twenty years ago, my wife and I began considering how we could be used in the cross-cultural mission field. We made the move. It was our first experience with toxic leadership. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

Peter's words for those struggling with abusive or controlling tendencies emphasize the need for inner transformation and repentance. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support

The Bible may not include the term "abuse" in some translations, but it uses various words that convey the concept, emphasizing the seriousness and destructive nature of abuse. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-dehnert/support