Teaching and Raising Problem Solvers

This is a question I think about- and talk about- often-But what about the adults? This comes from an awareness that adults are struggling with the same skills that kids are. Take a listen and let me know what you think!

Join me as I have the joy of chatting with Freddie Lapan, owner of Villari's Martial Arts in Barre, VT. Freddie is a highly decorated martial artist, who won the WAKO (World Association of Kickboxing Organizations) Championship in 2018. Freddie is also an incredible martial arts instructor, and that's where I crossed paths with him. Freddie is an adult who balances responsiveness and warmth with expectations and limits, and he will share so much of his knowledge and compassion in today's podcast. Enjoy! Find out more about Freddie here: https://villarisvt.com/about/

We dive a little into adult flexibility in thinking, and our ability to be willing to fail first. Let's grow

Mindset book link (Dr. Carol Dweck)

In this episode (which gets RIGHT to it, no intro!) I talk about the different parenting styles and focus mostly on authoritative, which has yielded the most positive outcomes for kids long term.

In this episode, I discuss the power of caregivers modeling boundaries and setting limits, and why it matters for our kids in all avenues of life.

In this episode I talk about the importance of OUR coaching as it relates to kids developing their own inner coach.

This podcast shares a little bit more about the podcast name change, as well as the power of owning our mistakes. Come take a listen and see what resonates with you!

In this episode I talk about the 4 well known parenting styles, and offer some thoughts on how these apply to all areas where we work with kids. Resource I mention in the show is here!

I am in a season of really looking to simplify my life, but I wanted to share a message on why I think it's important sometimes to let things be hard for our kids. Tune in to hear why!

Take a listen to how I am shifting my messaging, purely to increase my ability to connect with more people and also bring my expertise as an SLP to the front. Also tune in for a few fun details about failure tolerance, AND, my 5 year vision, which I will talk a little more about in my next episode!

A quick social communication tip for those conversations that don't go as planned.

Join me in this episode where I quick update on my own self-regulation journey.

Introducing you to my updated model of self-regulation, which I am also sharing today on social media via instagram (@msdaniellekent), more to come!

In this episode I share more about a favorite read, a great learning takeaway from a session, and the self-reg process.

Tune in as I talk a little bit about the importance of creating a shared understanding in conversation + beyond in the interactions we have across our day.

Join me as I reflect on January's episodes and where we go from here in our journey. Be excited for our February episodes- we have two guests coming to share in the fun!

Join me as I share about my own journey in becoming aware of my regulation during my son's dysregulated moments.

In this episode, I share a quote from Hunter Clarke-Fields and their book Raising Good Humans. It's right up there on my list of book recommendations.

In this episode I start some food for thought about where to start when we are with kids who are dysregulated.

From one of my most favorite books, Beyond Behaviors, is a quote today from Dr. Mona Delahooke.

A quick dive into how we can start working on self-regulation, starting with AWARENESS.

Join me for the quote of the week from Self-Reg: Written by Sr. Stuart Shanker & Teresa Barker

After recording episode 22, I realized that it needed a part 2, so here is my next line of thought about where we go from here. I believe that supporting our kids means we also do the hard work of learning about our own regulation as adults.

I turned on my mic and shared my thoughts with you as we enter into another year, thinking that the status quo surrounding behaviors and regulation MUST change, and we all can be part of that change. Resources: What Happened to You Connections over compliance Beyond Behaviors No Drama Discipline Self-Reg Lost and Found My evolving list of other resources

In this podcast short, I share a question I am increasingly asking these days with students who have self-regulation differences- 'What's happening for you?' This is adapted from Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey's book- What Happened To You? I cover the five main areas I ask about: co-regulation experiences (past and ongoing) Sensory preferences/needs Executive Function skills Social communication skills Individualized differences (visual, motor, feeding, etc) I share which one is MOST important in our journey in the episode. ENJOY! Happy Thinking ⭐️

Join me as I say HAPPY BIRTH-DAY to the new Teaching and Raising Problem Solvers podcast (TRPS podcast!) In this episode, I share my definition of self-regulation, and the five key pinnacles I associate with self-regulation. In today's episode, I specifically dive into proactive co-regulation, structuring the environment through predictable routines/rhythms with shared roles. I mention: The Power of Neurodiversity Other resources:

I am so excited for my comeback in this quick episode. Tune in to hear about my last year, lessons learned, and what's coming!

Join me as I talk a little bit about motivation vs engagement, and strategies to increase engagement in our everyday tasks at home or at school. Brain diagram Link All Brains Belong Donation Link

Starting off the school year with reframing misbehaviors into stress behaviors (coined by Dr. Stuart Shanker) can really get us off on the right foot! Listen to this episode as I share 3 times you might be seeing stress behaviors at the start of the school year for your students or children. Resources Mentioned: Get Ready/Do/Done by Sarah Ward & Kristen Jacobsen Executive Functions Overview from George McCloskey

In this episode, I give you a QUICK rundown on the GPS analogy I use to describe EFs. It works really well for a lot of my learners, and has also helped several adults to connect the dots! Enjoy!

1) Celebrating Neurodiversity 2) Empowering and Teaching about all types of Communication 3) Teaching different strategies for play AND celebrating all play 4) Teaching and Coaching on Problem Solving skills 5) Empowering Theory of OWN Mind and Theory of Mind (Perspective Taking)

Last week I talked about the importance of following our child's/student's lead in play- and today's episode focuses on the importance of teaching various schemes/sequences in play so each child has the ability to choose to play- or not to play- because they want to/don't want to!

Play is amazing- soothing & restorative and FUN at it's core! Play will look different for every brain- and that's AWESOME! This episode talks about following a child's lead in play, and talks a little more about the DIR (R) Model/Floortime

In today's episode, I talk about how we can shift from an extensive focus on targeting emotions, to support awareness of energy states. This was sparked by several recent learnings: Dr. Tara Swart's book - The Source Autistic adults talking about emotion labels being challenging to ascribe to certain situations (Dr. JÂcqûelyn Fede from ALUP describes their experience here) Resources mentioned: Jessie Ginsburg's Engagement Challenge (closed, but check out her website here for more ideas!) Autism Level Up The Alert Program (R)

The Relationship Between Self-Regulation and Executive Functions is complex- in today's episode I argue that Energy Regulation (I define as physiological regulation, emotional regulation, sensory regulation, and cognitive regulation) and Executive Function Skills (including but not limited to: planning/prioritization, organization, time management, flexibility, and metacognition) all play into SELF-regulation Skills. You know that I am all about co-regulation> self-regulation, so this means we have a responsibility and wonderful opportunity to TEACH/MODEL/COACH these 9 areas- ongoing- for our student/child's success! Cheers! George McCloskey's Holarchical Model of Executive Functions Rachel Dorsey's Goal Writing Course

Hello Brainy SLP Crew! Welcome to another episode. This week is all about understanding why co-regulation is GREATER THAN self-regulation, and how co-regulating with all of our students and children can have a positive, long lasting effect. This can be especially true to consider for our neurodiverse learners and students with trauma- wiring and firing can happen over longer periods of time making connections between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I always teach that self-regulation is a great long-term picture, but co-regulation is always the way to support healthy understanding and management of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. UNC visual on Co-regulation

There's not just Awareness- we are really looking to move BEYOND awareness into Acceptance and Beyond! So many steps to take, and just one step this month can move you beyond Awareness. Remember- All Brains are Different & All brains are Amazing. Autism Level Up ASAN Blog Post Dr. Nick Walker

Resources Mentioned: Hanen's explanation of Reciprocal Imitation Training Teaching & Raising Problem Solver's Curriculum

For more information on the Double Empathy Problem, Click Here. Dr. Damian Milton's podcast on Two Sides of the Spectrum (Click Here)

This episode dives in to talk a little bit about my current name change (Shout out to those of you listening from 'The Connected Caregiver' days!) as well as an overview of the C.O.A.S.T. method that I am talking a lot about. I also discuss co-regulation and a little bit about one of my most favorite topics: executive functioning. Tune in! Co-regulation resources from UNC

My work is taking me along a beautiful road- I am shifting more towards doing the work I love of supporting inclusivity and awareness about neurodiversity in our classrooms (making sure I am careful of how I approach, teach, and learn as a fairly neurotypical professional). This episode is talking more about the importance of coregulation first- and why it takes two to regulate and two to communicate. Your takeaways from today: · Take notice of how coregulation plays a role for you as an adult. Who do you call when you are upset and need to connect with someone? How does it feel when someone brushes off your emotions? · As a parent or professional, take notice of how coregulation impacts your ability to communicate with your child(ren) and students. Take an extra second to empathize with the struggles your child/student is having. · Keep the phrase ‘It takes two to communicate & it takes two to regulate) tucked away in your cap. Remember that when your child/student is having a hard time. Co regulation can be a hard ask when we are tired and drained (Self-care podcast for another day) but it is so, so meaningful for the beautiful souls that are around.

My world was rocked about a year ago when I started diving into the world of connection and coregulation. I can't tell you how thankful I am for embarking on this work. And how much it has facilitated change and sparked overwhelming excitement into my parent coaching, courses, and workshops. I feel like I am truly in alignment in talking about this work. This loop of connect-coregulate-recommend- it has fundamentally changed how I operate. My top tips for caregivers during a meltdown: 1) Check yourself and your energy. Your child's dysregulation is going to trigger your own brain to go into fight/fright/flight. Erase old tapes that say ‘you're a bad parent' or ‘you don't have control' or ‘you need to stop this right now or else they are going to turn out bad people' (spoiler alert- old tapes I had to erase). I take a breath in and out, sometimes envisioning a triangle or a square (these are mindfulness techniques that work for me to bring me to the moment) 2) Words are powerful right now. Meaning- use as few as possible, or no words. Reassure that they are safe, you love them, and hold the boundaries. Validate feelings as appropriate. ‘You're mad, you WANTED that COOKIE! They were delicious.' Otherwise, try and limit talking. Oh and- please hold the limit if it's based on family values. 3) Stay near your child (maintain safety, of course) and be mindful of your facial expression. I know it sounds wild, but when we are in our lower brain areas of fight/fright/flight, we look at facial expressions- so try and keep a calm and neutral face (go back to #1 as you need it) 4) Validate love and safety. ‘I love you. You're safe.' These are the other words that I think can be powerful. They appeal to the very scared/distraught brains. Angry brains are really scared brains- pure and simple. Anger is a derivation from fear. Scarcity, the unknown, the unpredictable, whatever it may be. 5) There is some brain science to suggest that being below eye level can reduce the threat for your child. Your hovering (from a primal perspective) suggests that you are a threat. Couple that with you yelling back or with an angry face- triple threat. 6) If safety is an issue, or you simply have to move them for safety, preview it first. ‘I love you. I have to move you because it's not safe and I love you. I'm picking you up.' (I know it's hard to be gentle when kids have a hard time, but slow your own actions before you go to move your child to a safe area') 7) Remember your sweet child as they are when they go to sleep. They are sweet kids, just figuring out life.

The last part of the cycle- Recommendation-is where we actually apply the strategies for supporting our kids in their problem solving and regulation development. The key note is- if we don't do the work before this- the Connection and the Coregulation- then our strategies often fall by the wayside. Kids listen when they feel listened to, and they will trust strategies when adults have shown that they will be there to support them. The last phase- AFTER you have CONNECTED, REGULATED WITH- involves supporting your CHILD to problem solve. You put on your coach glasses and you say, ‘alright- let's talk about this problem'- and then you step back. Let me give an example- Just today, my daughter was putting her boots on and we were literally running out the door- running behind a little bit to make it to a meeting. She accidentally knocked over the rice bin that my son uses for sensory play- WOOSH- rice everywhere. All over the place. A big mess. We were late. Here's how the steps looked for me: 1) Ok, breathe. Check my emotions first and just state the facts of what happened- there is rice on the floor. An accident happened. Press pause on the immediate negative self talk that starts swirling and can cause you to get a little heightened. (CONNECTION) 2) Check in with Maddy- note out loud what happened. (CONNECTION) Wait as calmly and expectantly as possible. She seemed a little upset so I modeled slow breathing (COREGULATION) 3) Offer neutral problem solving statements like ‘Hmm, what could we do here' (note use of WE, not YOU- letting younger kids know you're there to help) 4) Be a step BEHIND to support Maddy as she figures out what to do. Encouraging active problem solving by supporting and offering insight into ideas offered (‘yes, we could wait to pick it up, but Harley MIGHT eat it all. What do you think?') Truthfully- I bit my tongue several times- but in the end she drove the boat and cleaned up on her own. We were running behind and it was another opportunity to problem solve- ‘Hey Maddy, what do you think I should do?' Books mentioned: Raising a Thinking Child- (I can Problem Solve)

Regulation is a hot topic word- one that may be hard to understand if you're not in the education or therapy worlds. I thought that as we get into the sequence of CONNECTION-COREGULATION-RECOMMENDATION it is a good time to define REGULATION. If you look Regulation up in the dictionary- you get some interesting definitions- ‘the action or process of regulating or being regulated' synonyms- adjustment, control, management, balanced, setting, synchronization When we look deeper into Regulation for ourselves and our children- it gets more interesting. I define regulation as the ability to be aware of and connect our emotional and physiological states- and use strategies to manage our behavior and be present in the moment. So essentially- let's say I start to get really frustrated in a business meeting when someone is rude and my brain starts to go into fight-fright-flight mode and I feel like I am ready to scream or say something not nice- but I implement some strategies first to calm my brain- breathing, writing things down- whatever it is. I've become aware that my behavior was about to shift in an unexpected way for a business meeting and so I am using my perspective taking skills (‘what will people think if I just start yelling right now') as well as my regulation skills. I practice these skills and the more I use them- the more those neurons fire. Schools talk a lot about SELF-regulation- the ability I described above, but one of the key things that needs to happen in order for SELF-regulation to happen is that kids feel safe and secure, and have experience regulating with ADULTS. We call this CO-regulation. The essence of coregulation is this- if you repeatedly get enough messages from trusted adults that you are safe and secure- aka your emotions are accepted and adults will support you regardless of how you feel- even when you're mad and upset- then you'll learn to independently develop and adopt strategies for regulating your body. Likewise the opposite is true- if you get messages from adults that you are not safe and secure (e.g., your feelings aren't valid or wanted) when you're mad, frustrated, or upset, then you won't feel safe with those emotions and develop strategies to handle them. The reason why I am SO big on adults understanding regulation is that- without supporting kids to regulate- they can't get to and use the thinking and learning parts of their brain. The brain is really cool- AND it's wired so that the thinking parts are accessible mainly when the student is in an overall calm, or regulated, state. Next time we talk about regulation, we will talk about awareness of regulation- meaning how kids develop regulation skills- starting when they're young. Because yes- it starts VERY, very young.

As the work-life integration in COVID-19 starts to get easier (I used those words carefully- because honestly there isn't a balance right now but there is a careful ability to integrate the two since they are happening together AND it is getting easiER, slowly… ) I am noticing a really important correlation- if I don't take time to connect meaningfully with myself and my needs first and often throughout the day, I don't connect with my kids very well. I am too caught up in my own needs not being met- feeling frustrated and angst-y. Can anyone else relate?! Anyways- this makes sense to me because when I feel calmer and more in tune, I can respond to my kids. And guess what happens then? Yep- my kids' behavior often is significantly more regulated and tuned in. There is no correlation there- that is causation. When I am calmer, my kids feel like their needs are met and therefore with a full love tank, are more responsive and don't seek to get my attention in poor behavior ways. With that level of awareness, I have carefully taken stock of what is helping me to relax and feel more even (we call this, REGULATION!) and focusing on consistent application of these strategies throughout my day. Some might call this ‘self-care'- but me, I call it regulation (I am really tired of the term self-care- I think it's over used and under applied). Here are some things I am doing to connected with myself, regulate, and be present to connect with my kids: Get up early, and fulfill a morning routine. Right now, this looks like: Make a pot of coffee, bible study, write down goals, review calendar, and listen to a few minutes of personal development of my choice. Work for about 20-30 minutes to CREATE- creating for my business in some way. I find CREATING before CONSUMING (not my own words, TBH) social media or email, fires me up in a really unique way- and reminds me of the BIG PICTURE After creation, work for about 10-20 minutes checking emails and logistically organizing the necessary work tasks for the day as well as organizing my social media posts and when I will respond (note- this is not creation based, but rather responsive based or CONSUMING) Build in work focus times throughout the day during the kids TV show times (one in the AM, one in the PM) as well as during Troy's naptime. Short work chunks are where it's at, and honestly to save my sanity some days there is more screen time for Troy. so I can finish a meeting or a session without worrying that he's going to take a leap of faith down the stairs. Maddy is asked to have quiet time during Troy's naptime with the exception of 20-30 minutes which are FOCUSED time for her to get some 1:1 love and attention (depositing that LOVE into her love tank) - as the older sib she carries some more responsibility and therefore a full love tank for her is INCREDIBLY important. During Troy's naptime, I have been doing 10-15 minutes of meditation- which I have NEVER been a meditation gal but this pandemic has allowed me to get grace and try it- and it replenishes me in a way I never saw coming. Working out at least 1x per day- whether it be a walk with our dog Harley, a structured workout on my Peloton or with weights. Movement helps me feel more balanced and regulated Driving to NOWHERE whenever I can for 10-15 minutes just to blast tunes in my car and drive with no one saying ‘mom,mom,mom,mom,mom'- over and over again. PS- my tunes are definitely not G rated on these solo drives. I am curious- what are your rhythms and routines for regulation? How are you connecting with yourself?

Welcome to the Connected Caregiver Podcast! I am so glad you're here. My name is Danielle Kent and I am a mom, wife, and speech-language pathologist/multipassionate entrepenuer. This podcast is here to equip and empower caregivers to support their child's communication and problem-solving skills. Along the way we will cycle between talking about my three main focus points: connection, regulation (coregulation) and recommendations (teaching). I'll be real, I'll be honest, and I'll walk alongside you through this crazy journey of parenting. Let's do this.