The Carbon Footprint

AI is raising our kids, someone bottled a celebrity's bathwater into soap, and Diddy's trial is pure madness. We connect the dots between tech, filth, and felony—with dark jokes and zero filters.Listener discretion? Highly advised.

We're curing baldness (you're welcome, LeBron), breaking down the NBA Finals like we have courtside seats and PhDs in talking trash, and diving deep into Walmart's wild compensation plans — because nothing says “late-stage capitalism” like getting a bonus for not crying in the break room. We also get real about the microscopic range of emotions men are “allowed” to have. Spoiler: it's mostly hunger and rage. Laughs, feels, and follicle dreams await.

This week on The Carbon Footprint, we tackle the big stuff — like the new Pope (or is he just rebranded?), a 911 operator who's had enough of your emergencies, and Warren Buffett finally deciding to retire (just in time for the market to crash, probably). Oh, and we get real about the struggle of being Puerto Rican.Dark humor? Always. Politically correct? Never heard of her. If you're easily offended, you're probably listening to the wrong show.Subscribe, laugh, and lower your expectations — one carbon footprint at a time.

Some of these parents gon learn today, did Shadeur go exactly where he should have, 100 men vs 1 gorilla, and how to get a good deal on a baby.

This week, we light a candle for the Pope (RIP), but don't worry—we immediately sprint into the world's first sperm race. From celestial messengers to government gaslighting, we dig into the CIA's latest UFO files, all while giving the Shannon Sharpe case the side-eye it deserves. No filters, no apologies—just raw takes, bad jokes, and zero reverence.

What do extinct animals, international trade policies, and unfortunate baby faces have in common? Absolutely nothing—and that's why this episode is a wild ride. Juan and Sean debate the ethics of de-extinction, untangle the latest on tariffs without putting you to sleep (promise! maybe?), and discuss a baby so ugly, the dad thought it was impossible it was his. Buckle up!

Get these kids to work! The problems with no income tax and familiar faces leading the way in March Madness.

Captain America made a lot of headlines this week, maybe the greatest teacher of all time, where tf are the orphanages and we may never drink Henny again.

IVF babies, skipping out on babies, getting the wrong babies, sticking up for your babies. This episode is a fun one on kids, inspired by Andrew Schulz's new special, Anthony Edwards, and Stephen A Smith.

Church subscriptions, the Yankees make a historical change to their team, DOGE, nightclub fight nights, and we know what America's official language should be.

Superbowl recap, did Kendrick give Drake too much attention, did anyone know NBA All-Star weekend happened, and what was the best halftime performance of all time?

A first on the pod, the biggest trade in sports history, mass deportations kick off and the best way to save lives.

We're finally going to be able to confirm who killed JFK and MLK! DJ Unk walks it out one last time, and the military should cover some body part enhancements in the name of patriotism.

We should've taken more pictures, schools are adding banks now, Elon was a wild boy at the inauguration and VR is changing sports.

Who hurt Philadelphia? Trump and Barack getting chummy, should your job be able to fire you for off the job behavior and one of the guys used to be Cuban.

The most expensive

The aliens are digging New Jersey, the CFP has proved that college football had it right all along and we do not recommend flying in a wheel well.

The fellas had a blast recording this one! Jamie Foxx tells all, a Go Fund Me for a rival, possibly the most decisive girl ever, and a cruise line that is the Guantanamo Bay of the seas.

A CEO is murdered and America isn't upset, rappers and ball players are getting soft, Sean's Bears do it again, bail funds for your kids, and Belichick's recruiting strategy.

One of the most prestigious universities in the country is free now, Baker Mayfield helps secure a title, Jake Paul and Mike Tyson, and one of the fellas needs our help kicking the habit.

The 2024 presidential election results are in and the fellas have thoughts, Peanut the squirrel deserves justice, who has influence now, and America hates women.

Puerto Rico wants to Kill Tony, the Yankees have a collapse for the ages in the World Series, and we make our presidential election predictions.

A father/son duo makes NBA history, should we hold outside parties responsible for our mental health, leveling up executions and the pizza joint with the greatest side item.

Our experience with Hurricane Milton, space travel has been changed forever and Trump gets Flagrant.

Sean gets his prostate checked, MLB should definitely keep Pete Rose out now, and do pandas even exist?

P Diddy had more oil than Exxon! This week's hilariously offbeat episode, we dive deep (like co-ed submarines) into the headlines everyone's whispering about (like a presidential assassination). Join us for an episode that's juicier than P Diddy's baby oil stash. (yeah, we had to, twice)

Tyreek can't outrun the police, Trump gets washed at the presidential debate and the Paralympics should be the real Olympics!

The Bicentennial!!! Celebrating our 200th episode this week! Murders, slave labor, The Deliverance, and Deion Sanders. We're everywhere this week! Enjoy!!

A seismic shift in the Kennedy family legacy, going into debt for Disney, and the most unattractive hobbies.

Freezing your dead boy for reanimation, hospitals losing parts, the worst way to get cheated on, and a lawyer with down syndrome.

Bloomberg gives away billions, if calm under pressure was a person, the biggest regrets people have at the end of their life, and Curry goes vintage.

3D printing a throat, stadiums named after rappers, an Olympic performance so captivating it leads to an offer from an adult site, and why interns aren't allowed around Bill Gates.

Simone Biles makes a triumphant return, an unexpected Olympic sponsor, two major medical breakthroughs, and is social media a health crisis.

Biden drops out of the race, the CrowdStrike incident shows just how vulnerable we are without technology, and Team USA gets beat by the players that didn't make the team.

Assassination attempt on Trump, selling plots in heaven, and women dominate the BET awards.

TikTokers will be fighting for our freedom, hawk tuah takes the country by storm, and getting felt up at the happiest place on earth.

Being an absolute glutton on vacation, the worst decision in the history of the Olympics and women's sports, a bull that's proud to be an American, and 2 legends left us this week.

The first woman president has been elected, 50 Cent is the greatest troll of all time and, Liam Neeson might need to save some folks again.

Rich folks don't live the same, someone is purposely hurting their presidential chances, the fellas react to the Diddy video and the top 10 albums of all time.

Tom Brady gets roasted, an engagement ring heist, impersonating a sign language interpreter, and the fellas have committed to this for 4 years now.

A milestone birthday for one of the fellas, how much money do you need to retire, and some guys evidently don't like WAP.

Ryan Garcia with the troll of the year, rap beefs are finally making rap fun again and a Yankee legend retires.

OJ Simpson passes away, would you still have your kid's if, the solar eclipse might have been mid and the Florida man at it again.

The Diddy saga continues, Kim Mulkey should really change her last name, Harvard grads marry up too, and why doesn't the popularity of the women's college game carry over to the WNBA.

Studies show Americans are the unhappiest they've ever been, how much money for one of your limbs, and what's the appropriate age gap in dating.

TikTok ban, the friendship recession, a Hall of Fame VP and AI is replacing all men in relationships.

How do you make an old fashioned in Harlem?! Fixing the NBA All-Star game, fleeing from your family to Mars and a 25 million dollar deep fake.

The Olympics on steroids, literally. One of the guys really wants to see a Moose, and how young is too young to give Brazilian waxes.

The fellas pay homage to a beloved family member, talk Superbowl and Mahomes' goat status, and the meditation album you didn't know you needed.

The solar project that could change the trajectory of energy consumption in the US, chain-smoking while running a marathon, and when is house arrest worse than jail.

The Neuralink is finally out in the wild, the NFL has it's Superbowl matchup set, how much money has Taylor Swift's presence generated for the NFL and one of the fellas does not mess with horses.