Mothers Matter

What is life like when you give up work to look after your children full time?  Lisa, Laura and Victoria all open up about why they chose to leave paid work, what they like about being able to care for their children full time, and what the challenges are.  They have all set up local groups for Mothers at Home Matter, in Ashford, Belfast and Sheffield.  They talk us through their daily routines and explain how they are able to afford to survive on one salary.  

Talking about suicide does not make it more likely that someone will end their life, it really shows that you care.  Rachel, a counsellor from  Papyrus,a UK charity for the prevention of young suicide, discusses with me what may lead someone to consider ending their life and how mothers or any concerned others can help prevent it happening. Counsellors such as Rachel are available on the Hopeline 0800 086 4141.  This is a safe podcast which doesn't include examples of individuals or methods and has been approved by Papyrus.  We do mention suicide frequently though.  Other charities mentioned are Cruse Bereavement Support,Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide, and the film After Shaun. LivingWorks is a charity which provides training in suicide intervention.  

What does 'normal' teenage behaviour look like? Erica Komisar, psychoanalyst, parent coach and author answers this and so many other questions. How can we maintain good mental health when our teenagers tell us we are useless?  Why are teenagers attracted to risky behaviour and what can parents do about it?  Do teenagers face more pressure today than in the past?  'Chicken Little, the Sky isn't Falling: Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety' is the title of Erica Komisar's new book, and the source of a whole podcast's worth of questions.  This podcast is for any parents of adolescents (which is recognised as 9-25).

What does 'success' look like for girls today?  How do we help our daughters cope with pressure, both from themselves and from society?  What is holding women back in the workplace?  Jo Wimble-Groves, author of the new book, Rise of the Girl, joins me to discuss how we can raise girls who thrive.  Jo runs her own business, is a founder of the organisation We are Girls in Sport, is a frequent speaker in school and is a mum of three.  She is an inspiration to girls and their mothers.  

Considering how your baby or child, and therefore you, can get more sleep often dominates a parent's waking, of which there are often many, hours.  Lyndsey Hookway, an expert in infant and child sleep, joins me to explore what a normal sleep pattern looks like for infants, strategies to help children sleep,  and how and why to try to stay calm in the middle of the night when your child has woken up AGAIN.  Lyndsey is the author of several books, including 'Let's talk about your new family's sleep' and 'Still awake'.  Her website is www.lyndseyhookway.com   Podcast production by James Ede of Be Heard. 

Finding time to invest in your marriage whilst raising small (or tall) children is a challenge.  Michaela Hyde, Director of the Marriage Foundation, and a wife, outlines her recipe for a healthy marriage while I throw out all the issues I find being married with children produces.  We also discuss how being married can help parents stay together, and the real statistics behind cohabiting and divorce.  

Being unable to have the number of children you'd hoped for is so sad but secondary infertility is hardly ever discussed openly. It is emotionally exhausting coping with the relentless nature of keeping on trying either naturally or through IVF or other methods.  My guest in this podcast and I have both experienced hoping for another child who never came along, along my guest is young enough to still have hope and I am old enough to know how the story ends.  This podcast unpacks the emotional rollercoaster (with mainly downs rather than ups) of trying for a sibling.  

Universal Credit (UC) is now the main way of accessing government support for mothers whose income is low or non-existent.  Patricia Exley, a Citizens Advice manager, runs through the type of support available through UC, how to apply for it, and what the work commitments may be for those on UC. We also cover everything else I can think of to ask about, including the Disability Living Allowance for children.  To calculate how much you could get please see Entitledto or Turn2Us.  For more info on claiming UC see Universal Credit service or call the DWP on 0800 328 5644.  For help in claiming UC see Citizens Advice The general advice line is 0800 144 8848 for any topic.   Thanks as always to James Ede of Be Heard for production of the podcast.

Attachment parenting is largely about meeting the needs of the child for love, security and closeness in the early days and beyond.  It has become possibly the mainstream parenting approach, or aspiration.  In this podcast Michelle McHale, Founder and Director of Attachment Parenting UK, outlines what it does and doesn't mean to adopt an attachment parenting style.  Positive discipline is an integral part of attachment parenting which led us to a discussion of what to do if your toddler is having a tantrum in a public place (and everyone is watching).  Thanks to my producer, James Ede of Be Heard productions.  

Three mothers join me to talk about what home means to them, what the role of mothers is in creating and maintaining the home, the essentials of a happy home and why the idea of homemaking is so undervalued in society.  You can follow Molly, Elain and Caz on Instagram on Mothering Through the Seasons (Molly), Five Kids Gallacher (Elain) and Dr Caz Leadership of Mums (Caz).  You hear more of Molly on her podcast Mended Teacups.  

£3,763 was the amount of total unsecured debt per UK adult in Jan 2021. Lone parents are the most likely group to suffer persistent poverty, and single mothers are the most likely to experience in-work poverty.  In this podcast, Fiona Lloyd, from the charity Christians Against Poverty (CAP), explains, step by step, how to become debt free.  CAP helped 2,500 adults pay off all their debts in 2020, and are helping around 8,800 clients at any one time.  I hope this podcast episode will help mothers struggling with financial worries.

My neighbour, Kate, and I are both first time dog owners.  In this episode we go into the challenges we've faced and are still struggling with, and, despite this, the overwhelming love we feel for our dogs.  Kate has Toph, a one year old black cockerdor, I have Lola, a 4 year old golden retriever.  For more harrowing details on those first six months, see my Wordpress blog theamateurdogowner  

In just a few lines of poetry my guest, Sarra Culleno, can encapsulate the experience of being a new mother, the deep-rooted impact our own mothers still have on us as mothers, the agony of separation from our loved ones in lockdown, the fear of waiting for a medical test result, the shift in identity between couples when a baby is born or the hurly burly of daily family life.  In this podcast we discuss these themes and more, whilst examining the craft and creation of poetry.  Sarra Culleno is a British BAME poet, mother and teacher who performs her writing at events across the UK.  She is widely published, was longlisted for the Cinnamon Press Pamphlet Prize and for Best of the Net 2020 by iambapoet.  Thanks to James Ede, my producer.

The cultivation of joy and the virtues which make up a developed character are the subjects of this in depth and thought-provoking discussion with Dr Matthew Kuan Johnson, a Research Fellow on the Oxford Character Project and possibly the leading researcher on the philosophy of joy.  

Playing with children can be great fun, but also hard work, especially at 6am.  In this podcast Dr Pat Preedy offers parents excellent examples of how to enjoy our children through play, whether they are 4 months or 14 years old.   Dr Pat jointly led the Parents and Carers as Play Partners Project through Middlesex Uni (Dubai), which supported parents in providing their children with play experiences that enhance their development and learning.  She has also contributed to The Physical Development Needs of Young Children (2019), highlighting how play and early movements are linked to cognitive development.  She is best known for her Movement for Learning  project for schools, which highlighted how daily movements based on children's development stages can improve balance, fine and gross motor skills.  More details of Dr Pat's work is available on www.neuroway.ae

Thanks in large part to Diane Danzebrink and Rachel Weiss, my guests on this podcast, the menopause is being covered more often in the media, but there is still a huge amount of ignorance as to what the symptoms are and how to cope with them.  Diane, the founder of Menopause Support and the driving force behind the #makemenopausematter campaign, shares her personal experience of the menopause with us, and runs through some of the many and varied symptoms of the menopause and perimenopause.  Rachel, founder of the Menopause Cafes outlines why talking about the menopause can be so helpful, and shares the experiences of some of her visitors to the cafe.  She is also behind #FlushFest21, details on her website.  Please remember support is always available with the Samaritans by calling  116 123. 

Finding work which fits around being available full time for your children is challenging.  In this podcast I chat with 3 mothers who have managed to achieve this and who are willing to share their advice.  Elizabeth is so busy she can now turn away work as she takes on micro jobs for companies such as Appen, Tamsin helps mothers to identify their niche and set up their own companies, and Sarah has set up and runs Curly Cow which sells gluten-free sweets.   Many thanks to my producer, James Ede of Be Heard 

Celebrating 30 years of the campaign and support group, Mothers at Home Matter, I have the joy of asking the Chair, Anne Fennell, all the tricky questions I've been asked as a media contact, such as 'isn't it a luxury to have a mother at home?' (spoiler alert: yes but it shouldn't be) and 'why do single income families pay more tax?'  I also chat with Becca Woollgar about why she set up local groups for mothers and what a joy volunteering is.  Her email is groups@mothersathomematter.com if you would like to join one.  Thanks as ever to my superb producer, James Ede at Be Heard and this was recorded on the new fangled Squadcast   

Welcome to series 2 of the Mothers Matter podcast.  I'm joined by Zoe Gilbey, Nutritional Therapist, to discuss the joys of trying to feed our children (and ourselves) food which they like and is also good for them, in the time available.  We also discuss how food affects our immune system, the impact of stress on how we digest food, how to use food to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, what that even means, and much more. 

Tosh Brittan, aka the Divorce Goddess, was a stay at home mother, working for the family company, when she got divorced.  She worked hard for a non-confrontational divorce, rooted in kindness and mindfulness.  In this podcast she recalls the challenges she faced, not least in her own attitude, to achieve this, and how she came to set up Divorce Goddess to help couples transform the divorce and separation experience through the use of mindfulness and other tools. We delve particularly deeply into the issue of how to handle anger against certain individuals, not saying that is an issue I have....Tosh is particularly encouraging for non-earning mothers who are facing the prospect of divorce. 

Katharine Boddy discovered she had breast cancer in 2018.  In this podcast she patiently explains to me the details of the diagnosis and the lengthy treatment she went through, as well as the effect her illness had on her husband and four children.  I was very interested to hear how her friends were best able to help her and how her life has changed as a result of cancer.  A particular thread that we return to is what happened to her hair and when.  As we're in a pub, there is some background chatter.  In my media comments at the end the programme I refer to is on BBC Radio Four and is called Analysis: The Early Years Miracle?  And I should have said that the Duchess of Cambridge is more than welcome to join me for a podcast any time.  

Why is anxiety so prevalent these days, and how can parents help their children who suffer from it?  Erica Komisar, psychoanalyst and parent coach, answers these questions and many more.  We discuss the impact of social media on young people, how to help children and adolescents grow into healthy adults, and the best ways to encourage your young people into positive behaviours.  Erica is the author of the excellent book, 'Being there: why prioritizing motherhood in the first three years matters'.  You can also catch her on podcast 5: Mothers and Guilt.  Many thanks to James Ede of Be Heard Productions, who produced this in between coastguard callouts!  

Charlotte's faith and how she became a single mother are surprisingly closely connected.  As well as telling me about how she coped as a single mother, Charlotte and I discuss how our faith affects everything we do as parents, and the challenges connected with passing faith on to our children.  Should we make our children go to church?  How nice should we be about that loved child of God who is making our child's life hell?  Why does Charlotte only pray big prayers every 23 years?  It's all in here.  We talk as Christians, fully aware that many people, including many close to us, don't share our faith.  This is not a hard sell, just two mothers talking about what difference our faith makes to us, not least in the existence of Charlotte's daughter.  

At this bijou Mothers Matter Christmas party are two guests, Vicki and Kate, surnames withheld to protect the innocence/make sure the in laws don't listen, who join with Claire in celebrating the joys of present buying/allocating/receiving, Christmas catering, parties - or lack of, managing toddlers in the grandparents' house, cooking, puppies vs Christmas trees, midnight mass, and what the role of the husband/man of the house actually is at Christmas.  With special appearances by Vicki's husband and sons, given that we were recording in her house, we re-create the slight air of panic that many mothers feel when there are too few sleeps until Christmas.  This is a Santa-affirming podcast and is self-certified safe to listen to by all ages.  Merry Christmas to all my listeners.

Why is it so difficult to earn your way out of poverty?  Why do families on a single income often struggle financially? The first answer is the 90.6% METR (Marginal Equivalent Tax Rate) which anyone earning up to £30,295 will pay on each extra £1 they earn.  The second answer is the extra tax of at least £200 per month that a family with one income will pay in addition to the family on the same income with two earners.  Taxation is  the reason why so many mothers have to go out to work but still struggle to make ends meet.  Don Draper, who runs the website www.taxandthefamily.org lays out very clearly why it is the UK is one of the harshest tax regimes IN THE WORLD for families and what could be done to help families out of poverty and give families a choice to care for their children themselves. 

How does a mother's love shape and form her baby's brain and what happens if an infant is separated from his or her mother?  Diana Dean, Research Director of the charity What about the Children?, answers these questions by referring to the science behind the outcomes.  We also talk about the emotional and physiological issues the under threes face when they spend long hours in centre-based childcare, with a particular focus on the harmful effects of cortisol.  Childcare is usually portrayed as something that all mothers want more of and is rarely looked at from the point of view of the impact on infants and toddlers, perhaps because the subject is too painful or too inconvenient to consider, or just because of ignorance of the impact.  Diana is a very gentle, balanced and non-judgemental speaker who is passionate about explaining why it is under threes need to be in a loving, consistent, one on one relationship with a primary carer, who is usually their mother.        

What is a genuinely family friendly policy?  It is not giving more hours of subsidised childcare so children spend ever longer hours away from the loving care of their parents.  It is not ensuring families to spend less time together by 'encouraging' mothers out of the home to work because they are not financially supported to care for their children themselves. In this podcast Marie Peacock, an early years and social care specialist who advocates for those giving 'invisible' care in the home, including in her role as Honorary VP of Mothers at Home Matter, discusses a wide range of policies to strengthen family life, including fairer family taxation, access to housing, enhanced child benefit payments and other options.   Apologies for the contribution of Lola, my golden retriever, in the introduction.  She doesn't get involved in the main discussion as her grasp of UK politics is, frankly, poor. 

However many years you are able to dedicate to raising your children, the time will come when they (hopefully/eventually) leave home so at some point almost all mothers will return to paid work.  In this podcast Ronnie Cloke Browne of CareerBreak People helps mothers value the time they spend out of the workplace, not just in terms of the care they can give their children or family members, but also in terms of the skills they develop through being a mother. She suggests how to 'package' the time spent out of paid work, and how to approach re-entering the workplace.  Ronnie is full of practical and helpful tips and advice  As always in the Mothers Matter podcast, we discuss the mother who matters in this podcast as Ronnie reflects on the choices she has made as a mother,  the route that led her to set up CareerBreak People, and how she manages the demands on her time of her family and her business.

When children leave home to go to university or start a job, it's an exciting time for them but a deeply emotional time for their mothers and fathers.  It signifies the end of an era and a fundamental shift in relationship.  It is a time to reflect on the previous 18 or so years as a mother, which is what Sarah Sear does very lucidly and honestly in this podcast.  She examines the decisions she made regarding how to fit in work around her three children, and expresses the almost inexpressible emotions she felt when her eldest child started university last year.  

Philippa Nicholson is an enthusiastic advocate for the value of home schooling, having been home educated herself.  She home schools her four children, aged 4 to 12. In this podcast Philippa explains how she makes it work, both practically in terms of how she manages the different demands of four children, and personally, as she develops mental strategies to remain positive and cope with the relentless demands on her time.  The closing reflections after the interview include whether Sweden is in fact a great place to be a parent and whether a creche at work is a good idea.  

Sam Jackson,father of 4 and Managing Editor of Classic FM and Smooth Radio, author of the book Diary of a Desperate Dad, chats about the joys and challenges of fatherhood. We discuss the research which highlights the important ways in which fathers differ from mothers and the unique, essential role they play in helping their children to develop well emotionally and, particularly, in their relationships with the opposite sex.    Happy Father's Day!

Carolina Allen explains why she set up the lobby and support group Big Ocean Women. Applying the principles of maternal feminism, Carolina and Big Ocean Women work through groups of mothers to make a difference locally in their neighbourhoods across the United States, and internationally, through lobbying the United Nations to value mothers for all they contribute, not just for their potential earning power.  As a mother of 7 and an enthusiastic home schooler, Carolina shares her experience of how mothers can transform society together from the power base of the home.   P.S. the clicking noise at the beginning stops once we work out it comes from Carolina's earrings.  Please bear with!

Sarah Douglas-Pennant discusses bravely, eloquently and extremely poignantly the lives of her three children and how she has found the strength to live on after bereavement.  She has been forced to come to an understanding of the purpose of life and find some meaning in death. Sarah's wisdom on the role of mothers in the everyday business of bringing up children and the devastating experience of death is profound.  Please message me if you would like a copy of Johnnie's Poems.

Lynette Dudman's sons, Max and Fred, are top BMX riders with Fred (age 10) competing at an international level. Lynette is typical of so many mothers providing the emotional and practical support to help their children achieve their dreams, with her husband, Sean Dudman, a former motocross champion, providing the inspiration - and the finances.  With injuries, long journeys and outdoor race tracks in winter to contend with, Lynette talks about the challenges and joys of being mother to her two BMX-loving sons.   

Emily Tredget shares her experience of prenatal and postnatal depression (PND), outlining the devastating effect it had on her and her family and how she eventually managed to come through it.  Emily's experiences led her to set up the MummyLinks app, an invitation-only app which addresses one of the key issues faced by many mothers: loneliness.  Emily also runs a high profile social media campaign called #ShoutieSelfie to draw attention to maternal mental health.  

Erica Komisar, a New York psychoanalyst, parent coach and author, explains the essential role mothers play in their children's first three years, and beyond.  She explores the issue of maternal guilt and how to harness its positive effects.  Erica also outlines the opportunity that the brain's development between ages 9 and 25 presents, with helpful insights into how and why teenagers communicate, with some top tips as to how to survive the teenage years - for parents. Erica is the author of the brilliant book, 'Being there: Why prioritising motherhood in the first three years matters', available on Amazon.

Anne Fennell, Chair of Mothers at Home Matter and mother of six boys, discusses how important mothers are in their children's lives, why she got involved with Mothers at Home Matter and what life as a mother of six is like.  Anne attempts to remember the various groups she has set up and run and Claire throws in what she hopes are helpful comments about the effect on the frontal cortex of mothers and fathers of a baby's cry.  

Dionne John from north London is a mother of three who has started a campaign to address the dangers of knife crime in the Southgate Borough.  Dionne shares her insights into what she believes is behind the rise in knife crime and how schools, local businesses and parents can help prevent young people from committing knife-related crimes and can help protect their potential young victims.  Dionne also reflects on her life as a mother and how much her children are teaching her, particularly about grime and social media.    

Marie Peacock, Honorary Vice President of Mothers at Home Matter, mother of four and holder of an Early Years Professional qualification, discusses why it is that there is so much emphasis in policy-making circles on getting mothers into long hours in paid work at the expense of time spent with their children, why this is a problem and what the potential funding solutions might be. 

In this first podcast Claire tries to define mothers without using the terms 'working' or 'stay at home', has her first Media Moment where she comments on a recent interview with an 'absent mother', and discusses whether International Women's Day celebrates includes mothers in its #balanceforbetter banner.