Haven!

We hear a lot about toxic masculinity — in viral clips, cultural commentary, and even our personal lives. But it got me wondering: Can femininity become toxic too? If masculinity becomes harmful when it's distorted or out of balance, could the same be true for traits we associate with femininity? In this episode, I'm joined by Abby (whose recent take on Proverbs 31 made me revisit a chapter that reminded me of my AIM screen name I had at 11 years old @proverbs31rox) and my longtime friend Mariah, a wise voice and always a good hang. Together, we explore the concept of “toxic femininity”: What does it mean? Why is it hard to name? And where have we seen it play out — in our lives, our culture, and our relationships? From complicity with the male gaze to the passive-aggressive dynamics we sometimes chalk up to “girl drama,” we talk candidly about the behaviors that might reflect femininity gone off course. Plus, we share stories (yes, even about gossip), question cultural norms, and ask: What does healthy, grounded femininity actually look like? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this vulnerable and practical follow-up to our pregnancy episode, I'm joined again by Tess to unpack everything we wish we knew before entering the wild, beautiful, disorienting season of postpartum—also known as the 4th trimester. Postpartum isn't just “after having a baby.” It's its own stage of life. And it deserves its own conversation. We talk about what no one tells you about preparing for the hospital, what to pack (for you, your partner, and baby), setting boundaries around visitors, and how to emotionally prep for those first few foggy days. You'll hear both our birth stories in full, plus: What a lactation consultant really helps with Intrusive thoughts Identity shifts and how long it actually took to feel like ourselves again We also get honest about relationships, friendship expectations after birth, and what it looked like to be mentally fragile while also doing something incredibly strong. If you're navigating new motherhood (or walking with someone who is), this episode is here to be a soft landing and a real talk resource. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you know when you're actually ready to have kids? And once you are… why does no one tell you how complicated, emotional, vulnerable and confusing the road to pregnancy can be? In this episode we're kicking off a two-part series starting with "What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Pregnant" and Part 1 is all about the season before baby. (Part 2 will be What I Wish I Knew Before I was Postpartum... an entirely different beast.) From ovulation apps and acupuncture, to the heartbreak of waiting—and the advice I got from a friend after it took me a long time to conceive —we're talking through all the layers of trying to bring life into the world. We'll dive into the shock of the first trimester (why are the appointments so far apart?!), baby gear overload, the emotional whiplash of gender disappointment, and the honest truth that even when you're thrilled to be pregnant… you might still grieve the “just us” era of your relationship. Plus, we're answering your questions: — How do you deal with first trimester anxiety? — How can partners help with your hormones? — What's overrated on the baby registry? — And how do you emotionally and physically prepare for the birth part (

Ever been asked where the birthday candles are—or when your kid last went to the dentist—and realized YOU are the walking, talking family database?In this episode, we unpack the invisible, often unspoken labor of running a household and raising children: the mental load. We define what it actually is: not just doing the chores, but thinking about them, planning them, and carrying the responsibility if they don't get done. From remembering what jackets the kids need based on the weather to wondering if anyone's had protein today, we shine a light on the constant hum of logistics many parents—especially moms—carry. But instead of just venting, we invited a fresh perspective. Our guest, Nick, is a father who shares how he shows up, takes initiative, and helps shoulder the load in meaningful ways. Together, we explore: Why moms often become the “default parent” What shared responsibility can actually look like in practice Why some dads struggle to take initiative—and how they can learn The unseen mental load men may also carry, from finances to emotional pressure to provide We ask the big questions: Can we talk about the load without resentment? Can we build true partnership? And what are we teaching our kids through our choices? The mental load might not vanish—but it can be seen, shared, and named.  Plus, we read submissions from listeners about their own mental load moments. Let's get into it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The #1 topic request I've received on this podcast has been marriage. So we're bringing back a favorite: my two-part series with none other than the LOML — Aaron Weits, my husband of nearly 12 years, lover for 17, and best friend for 20. I realized I have a lot of new listeners who may not have heard this gem from Season 1 so we're doing something new & special called "Memory Mondays" where I'll pull something out of the archive to repost! Together, Aaron & I officiated multiple weddings and walked couples through pre-marital counseling using a curriculum we developed over several years. In this series, we break down the core topics every couple should talk about — whether you're just starting out or deep into the journey. Part 1: Conflict, Communication & Expectations We get honest about the real stuff: What do you do when you disagree? How do you break the cycle of scorekeeping? What boundaries help you fight fair? Part 2: Money & Sex Yes, we really go there. What's your earliest money memory—and how is it affecting your relationship? Why bartering for sex doesn't work The “no with an appointment” strategy and the importance of agreed-upon parameters Aaron shares so much wisdom in this series, and our hope is simple: We want you to have great marriages. May these conversations spark something good for you and those you love.

“Can marriages even last anymore?” “It's just a piece of paper.” “Why even get married at all?” These are the questions I hear all the time. And honestly? I get it. In this episode, I'm diving into the real, raw, and often unspoken fears my generation carries about marriage. As a millennial, I'm part of a demographic where only 44% of us are married—compared to 81% of previous generations. Many of us are delaying marriage, pushing back against it, or opting out completely. And I don't think it's because we're selfish or afraid of commitment—I think it's because we're scared. We've seen it fall apart. We haven't been given a model. We don't have a blueprint. But I'm here to tell you: just because we haven't been taught doesn't mean we can't learn. I share my personal story—getting engaged at 20, navigating marriage without a roadmap, facing the pain of my parents' divorce right as I was stepping into commitment myself, and what it's looked like to build something lasting with my husband Aaron over the past 12 years. From dry weddings and Disney cruise honeymoons to therapy before engagement, learning to navigate conflict, and remodeling our marriage through life's biggest changes—this episode is a reflection on what it really means to build a lifelong partnership. Whether you're married, single, or somewhere in between—this one's for you. Because maybe, just maybe, the foundation we've been longing for is still possible. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I don't think I've ever experienced anything quite as life-changing as having kids. It's the kind of shift you can't fully prepare for—yet somehow, we expect ourselves to know exactly what to do. In this episode, Aaron joins me as we talk about what we wish someone had told us before we became parents. From the shock of being sent home with a newborn (and a mom in diapers!) to the way everything shifts every three months, we're diving into the raw, unexpected realities of parenthood. We're talking about:

There are so many things you can't fully understand about marriage until you're in it. Like how some seasons will feel 10/90 instead of 50/50. Or how your spouse will do things completely differently than you—and that doesn't mean it's wrong. Or that even though you live together, you still need date nights outside the house. In this episode, Aaron joins me as we dive into the things we wish someone had told us before we got married. We're talking about everything from navigating different family dynamics (shoutout to my introverted husband skipping family functions) to realizing that yes, your spouse might give you the ick sometimes—but also, how incredible it is to have someone in your corner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For a long time, marriage counseling was seen as a last-ditch effort—something couples did when they were already on the brink of divorce. While that stigma has lessened, many couples still wait way too long before seeking help—statistically, an average of seven years after problems first begin. In this episode, Aaron and I get real about our own journey with marriage counseling and introduce you to someone who's been instrumental in our growth: Dr. Jonathan Cude, our longtime marriage counselor. We sit down with Dr. Cude to talk about why he got into counseling, what struggles he sees couples facing most often, and what advice he has for those looking to build a strong foundation in their relationship. We also share the heart behind Pillow Talk, our new e-course designed to help couples navigate conflict and cultivate a thriving marriage. Neither of us had a lot of healthy, long-lasting marriages to look to for guidance, so we wanted to create something that combines our personal experience with expert insight. If counseling feels out of reach or intimidating, Pillow Talk offers another way to access practical tools and wisdom to strengthen your relationship. Join us for this honest and insightful conversation about what it really takes to build a marriage that not only lasts—but is actually fulfilling 20+ years down the road. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Season 3!!!!! This new season is all about relationships. I took a poll a few months ago asking why you're listening to this podcast and the topics that rose to the top were marriage, parenting, & friendships. So with as our first topic... let's get into some conflict. What's your favorite fight you've ever had? How do you win an argument? What happens in your body during an argument? And the real question—what's the best part of a fight? In this episode, my husband Aaron and I dive deep into the messy, unavoidable reality of conflict in marriage. No matter how much you try to choose your words carefully, fights will happen—so the real skill is in how you handle them. Our longtime marriage counselor, Dr. Jonathan Cude, once told us that both divorcing couples and healthy couples fight the same amount. The difference? What they say in those heated moments. You can't control your partner's words, but you can control how you respond. So what do you do when you feel criticized? How do you break out of the criticism / defensiveness cycle before it wrecks your connection? Join us as we share what we've learned, how our fights have evolved, and why conflict doesn't have to be a relationship killer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do after you crash & burn from burnout?  I was talking with a girlfriend the other morning over coffee and we realized it's not “have you experienced burnout” it's “what did it look like?” When I look back at the time I've run into that issue I can point back to being either hurt, depleted of energy, giving more than I really had to give OR I'm giving something my all and things don't seem to be successful and I become apathetic, jaded, exhausted... So it's not only a question of "how did I get here?" It's also a question of "how do I get out of it? And how can I avoid this again in the future?" My guest for this episode was the author of a book that spurred on these questions for me as I read it alongside my mom book club recently. Debra Fileta wrote “Soul Care” and it's about finding life-giving rhythms, live restored, avoiding burnout and discovering unspeakable joy.  Some of my favorite quotes from the book... “Burnout is the body's way of crying out for us to pay attention. It's the SOS signal from our nervous system telling us to stop and care for ourselves. But rather than see the signs of burnout as a signal to stop and fill up, so many people do the exact opposite - they try to push through” “Whether we're self-absorbed or self-neglecting, we will end up becoming the center of our own worlds.” “When you're drained, empty and depleted what do you run to? Most often our method is the thing we do as quickly as possible with whatever is available around us...But let me assure you that is the exact opposite of soul care, because soul care is intentional and thought out”  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How Accurate Is A Mother's Intuition? A mother's intuition is a deep, often instinctual sense of knowing that many mothers feel when it comes to their children. It can be hard to explain or measure, but it's widely acknowledged by many moms as a guiding force in decision-making, nurturing, and protecting their kids.  Most of us parents can recall a moment when we had a strong gut feeling about our child - how can we dive deeper into that and harness it? I bring in a fellow podcaster Kanika Chadda Gupta (who inspired the title episode of this episode as she is the host of the show “That's Total Mom Sense”) and we chat a bit more about the questions that come up as we are learning to wield this unique power.  How do you balance listening to your intuition with external advice or guidance from others (doctors, friends, family)? But, also I really am trying to parse through how do you differentiate between intuition and anxiety or fear or some type of triggering from your own wounding?  We each share some of our own experiences with this and then stay tuned as we finish our convo as there is some special added bonus content at the end! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of the Haven! podcast book club, I sit down with author Erwin Raphael McManus to dive into his latest book, The 7 Frequencies of Communication, and explore how these frequencies show up in our everyday lives. Are you a Maven, a Seer, a Commander, a Professor, a Healer, a Challenger, or a Motivator? Discovering your unique frequency can unlock your potential and transform how you connect with others. Erwin graciously joined us for a live Q&A with my listeners, where we tackled real-life applications of these frequencies. The conversation began as my own personal therapy session (imagine a Commander married to a Maven—opposites definitely attract!) and unfolded into a rich discussion on self-talk, parenting, conflict resolution, and navigating contrasting perspectives. Whether you're new to this concept or already curious about communication styles, this episode is for anyone who wants to be heard, understood, and impactful in how they relate to the world around them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sister relationships can be very... tricky Like, I would give my sister my kidney but not my phone charger - what is that?? I was recently watching the Netflix Series "Nobody Wants This" and I thought it portrayed the complicated relationship with both humor and warmth. One scene that grabbed me was where the protagonist (played by Kristen Bell) is at a dinner party and it comes up in conversation that she has a sister. She then is asked the #1 follow-up question every sister gets in that scenario "Oh, are you two close?" Her response was the best answer I've heard yet which was "Oh yeah, she's my best friend and my worst enemy" which to me summarizes the dynamics perfectly. This episode is immediately following a previous one titled "How to brainwash your kids into being best friends" so I thought it would be the perfect dove-tail to bring in my OWN sister, Clancy, and we chat more about the complex world of sisterhood. If you have a sister, I hope you find our discussion both humorous and warm - if you do NOT have a sister, take this opportunity to have a peak into the convoluted world of SISTERS! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brainwashing Your Kids Into Being Best Friends? Growing up my brother, sister & I had some knock-down drag-out gnarly flights… so now that I have two little ones I am verrrrry interested in how to mitigate that ahead of time.  It seems sibling rivalry is not only normalized but it's perceived as inevitable and beyond evolutionary control.  Most advice out there isn't really even on how to navigate it while they're children but primarily hoping “when you get older you'll grow out of it and end up being best friends, just wait!” But what about those 20+ years in-between when they seem to be at each other's throats?? I brought in someone who is an expert on this subject in my eyes - I have seen my cousins play together, stick up for one another, and truly call each other their best friends - so when I asked my aunt @mariacoleman “how did you do that??” a few years ago I was shocked by her answer… “Oh, I brainwashed them into loving each other”

Preschool Moms...I have done a few episodes on this topic as it's my current phase of life having a 3yr old and a 5yr old! Previously in this series I've talked with friends about how to connect with other parents which can be tricky with kids crawling all over us and interrupting every few sentences. Plus even meeting people can be hard as the quick hallway passing makes it hard focus. Yet, we typically are all on the birthday circuit seeing one another at 8 different fall birthday parties. We also discussed the dilemma of whether or not we should be putting our kids' faces online without their consent and the lasting impacts of that still being a bit uncertain. As we were even getting in the discussions I got the well deserved critique of “why is it preschool moms when dads are involved now too?” Hello. How sexist of me! SO I wanted to bring in someone I know is a very hands on and involved dad to talk a bit about what it's like for our counterparts when it comes to this unique window of parenthood. Welcome Andres Figueroa as we talk about his POV as a dad to two kids under the age of 4. We chat about the unique role of dads in a kids' life and how important it can be. In this phase of life my husband and I are also constantly sending parenting memes to each other so Andres & I pull up a few popular ones and discuss what makes them resonate so deeply with us. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We've all been there…  Someone comes up and says “Oh my gosh, I love your pants, they're so cute!” Then we all the sudden feel awkward.  Sometimes we'll say something like “Ah! Thanks yes I got them on sale only $10!” Or maybe along the lines of “These pants? Thanks just trying to distract from how I haven't had a pedicure in 3 months.” Or we say anything except a plain “Thank you.”  I realized this a few months back when in a group setting and this topic came up - we went around the room and each answered “what do you do or how do you feel when someone gives you a compliment?” - most everyone admitted to feeling super weird and not knowing what to do next. But why is that??? Are we afraid to take in the compliment and become conceited?  Or do we actually not believe what they're saying? Perhaps it's because we don't trust the person saying it? I wanted to dive a bit more into why compliments seem to make most of us cringe SO I asked one of my friends who was in that group (

Bringing back a crowd favorite to the pod… my mom @lisawhelchel! She & I debated back and forth about what topic should we cover together and when we couldn't land on one we chose to let the fates decide! I threw up a question box on my Instagram Q&A and you guys delivered with some fascinating prompts Ya lobbed a few easy ones like ”who was your first celebrity crush?” and “what quality do you admire most in another individual” Sprinkling in some medium-spicy - “If you had a warning label what would it say?” and “what is the sound that drives you crazy?” Then turning on the heat with a few like asking “am I the black sheep of the family?” and talking about an activity/experience we have shared as adults that would have sounded impossible to me as a kid. Tune in to the full episode to hear our responses.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's your favorite…. An Aaron! Takeover What does it mean to “live the dream”? Most people might say…

Social Media + Kids = ??? We are the first generation to really have to wrestle with this as we were the ones in jr. high / high school when social media even came about to give us access to each other 24/7. We were so naive throwing Facebook albums with 80 pictures from one night out and didn't really think about any lasting impacts as at the time it felt like it was just to your own inner circle. Since then it's grown into this ginormous beast and we now know the internet is forever... So, as we have kids, it's a parent's real decision on whether or not you're going to put your kids online or not.  We don't know enough about what the impact of that will be for them to have their childhood on display. They can't consent but do we consent for them?  We may act as their proxy, but eventually we also have to decide what age do we give them access to it themselves? It's a topic I have with girlfriends of a “should we, should we not” so I wanted to bring in two other preschool moms and get their takes. One of my friends, Nia Sanchez Booko, is literally on a reality television show with her family & her twin daughters star as the baby in "Young Sheldon" while another friend, Lauren Mulenos, throws emojis on her children when posting on her stories. I brought them both in to share their POV as we try to determine what's right for our respective families. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Affair-proofing your marriage... hefty topic. I don't think people go into their marriage thinking "one day I'm going to screw this all up, break any ounce of trust we built, and shatter my spouse's heart" - and yet, it happens. Aaron & I have seen it enough times to develop a very healthy fear of it. We've adapted the mindset of "it can happen to anyone, even us" and have adapted our behaviors accordingly. Some highlights we talk about in this episode: It's not just defense, it's offense Set your boundaries up of what you will/won't do in advance Gauge your own satisfaction level What is your need / lack either in partnership or a gaping hole in yourself? Brokenness causes affairs, not a lack of sex - so where am I broken? Ultimately a heart issue - we can have all the protocols but if you want to hide from me, you will. It's your heart that needs to be addressed. It would be so much easier to be superhuman and never give anyone else a second glance. Plus it can feel so uncomfortable to have these types of conversations with your partner because saying the truth can hurt their feelings - but, wouldn't you rather give them the opportunity to actually fully know you vs just the parts of them you deem "acceptable"? Remove shame by bringing your brokenness into the light and you may just find that it loses its power when you do that too. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Communication can be tough - especially when you have to deliver some difficult feedback. Kim Scott is a well-known figure in the business world, particularly for her work on management and leadership. Her background includes roles at major tech companies like Google and Apple, where she was involved in building and managing teams.  She wrote the book "Radical Candor: How to be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity" which breaks down what it looks like to both care personally and challenge directly landing you in the sweet spot of radical candor. But what are some of the other quadrants we can fall into? Do you slip into ruinous empathy which happens when you care a lot but never challenge? (Picture EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!! from the Lego movie) Are you known at the office for your obnoxious aggression which isn't showing your invested in the other person but you're absolutely going full-force on the challenging? (Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada, anyone?) Or are you manipulatively insincere where you're not really emotionally involved at all or speaking up? (Office Space: "I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday...mmmk?" Our first ever Haven! book club read the book to discuss it together last month and had the privilege of the author herself joining to answer our questions. Kim graciously answered our questions and I think you'll enjoy what she has to say! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Becoming a mom can rock your world - all the sudden you're thrust into this entirely new chapter of your life where it's all consuming, entirely life-altering, and wholly identity changing to say the least. Somehow time moves so slowly (on a loop of feed, diaper, sleep, repeat) and yet quickly at the same time (they're already sitting up??) For me, I felt strangely united with every single woman who came before me who had entered this journey, but also weirdly isolated because it was entirely new to me and know one knew exactly what I was going through. Community and connection were my saving grace. But, it can be so hard to make friends who are in this similar phase of life with you - especially because the main question can be "is the fact that we have similar aged children all we have in common?" I bring in a fellow mom, Kim Craven (known to all the kids as Kimmie!), that I met at our kids' preschool. She is the queen of organizing a group text event and currently we are both experiencing so many firsts together - our first born children entering school, first time navigating kids squabbling in class, etc. I plan to make this topic a limited recurring series where I bring in other preschool parents as we discuss this unique phase of life! Although, even if you don't have preschool kids, I think what we talk about is pretty universal - how do you put yourself out there and make new friends? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Could you imagine being 12 years old at your first week of dance practice after being cast for the New Mickey Mouse Club - feeling so thrilled to be there, a little nervous but filled with anticipation - and the first thing the choreographer says as they comes over to you in your leotard is to pat your belly and say "Got a little gut on there don't you, girly? Gonna have to get rid of that..." Yeah. That happened to my mom. How would you not begin to have some body image issues after that? I bring her in for a heartfelt discussion about the uphill battle it can be to have a healthy relationship to your body. Whether it was a dance teacher, TV commercial, or magazine ad targeted to inform you of your inadequacy it seems that society has been conditioning us to hate our bodies from multiple angles. Yet, the concept of body neutrality - basically the act of taking a neutral stance toward your body both emotionally and physically - seems to be more difficult to implement as we are swimming upstream. The ability to not support the hatred towards your body's “limitations” but simply being at peace with your body is easier said than done, yet I do think there is a path forward. My mom was really brave to experience share her journey with this throughout her life and also raising two young women with the intention to NOT have that be our inner monologue. Join us as we discuss the power our bodies possess, far beyond what they even look like. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pet peeves... we all have them. Those little annoyances that come up in our day typically triggered by someone else's behavior. Usually we feel a bit righteous about them like our way is the right way and they should "do better." But, what about those ones that aren't really right or wrong - they are just absolutely your own personal preference and if anything the face that you're bothered by it makes you downright PETTY. No? Just me? I bring in my friend Eric Roy for this topic and when we created the shared note to update as they came to mind we had to start scrolling that page within 24 hours. What is it about us humans that we can always find things to be annoyed about? Plus, why do they even annoy us? Together we share our own personal grievances (please don't cancel us) and then dive into a bit of what perhaps is the driving force of those emotions. Overall those behaviors typically violate a core value or belief we have - yet, admittedly, we violate them all the time, so why do we give ourselves permission to do so but not others? Join us as we go down a very dark hole of our own pettiness... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does healthy masculinity look like in 2024? I feel the need to add the current year in that title as a caveat because cultural depictions of masculinity change with each generation (ex: long haired hippies were seen as effeminate while previously that was the typical look for majority of cultures of men.) But, what are the evergreen attributes of being a man - then on top of that, what is a healthy expression of them? So far in my lifetime, it seems the pendulum has swung from toxic & harmful masculinity all the way to docile, castrated masculinity - so where is it landing now? I bring in who I would categorize as the "stereotypical Barbie" of manhood which is my uncle, Justice Coleman. He's a martial arts champion (in both karate and jiu-jitsu), former pro skater, mountain bike enthusiast and overall testosterone fueled type of guy. Together we explore what does manhood look like through the lens of roles (husband, father, etc.) as well as how he's teaching his fourteen year old son to evolve from a boy to a man (spoiler alert: it's a choice and I know some grown men who have yet to make that leap in maturity.) I share a female POV of attractive behaviors of manhood and it's a greater discussion on what characteristics have we added a gender to where maybe it isn't necessary. Overall, I think whether you identify as a male, are in love with one, or are raising one - this conversation will bring some good food for thought. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think sometimes with the media we are set up to think we will have the one "end all / be all / bff" friend that will fulfill all our bestie needs. But that's just a lot of pressure and expectation to put on someone. I like to see my relationships like a color palette - I want allllll the colors. The yellows which are the girls I just go to the nail salon with and talk about the Bachelor. Passionate reds who are chasing their career dreams and can gas me up and inspire me to go for my goals. Deep blues for when I'm going through something hard and need to process it with their wisdom. Light pinks which are maybe my neighbors who I walk to the Sunday farmer's market with and talk about whatever. Some people can carry multiple colors but ultimately, just like in marriage, I can't expect one to meet all my needs. For this topic I bring in a multi-color friend of mine, Tess Roy, and we talk about how the nuances of this topic like... Is it easy or difficult for you to make friends?  How do you personally handle when someone wants to commit to a deeper friendship but you're either not interested, or can't meet them where they're at? Who is one great friend you've had in your life and what made them special?  I hope after you listen you leave with a new appreciation for some relationships in your life.

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.” That reference is of course a line written by William Shakespeare from the play Romeo and Juliet to convey that the naming of things is irrelevant. But, I want to explore that.  My friend has a theory that asking someone “how did you get your name?” is an noninvasive way to hear about their origin story and a way to learn a lot about them. It taps into past generations of humans with how we are given our names - while it is a seemingly benign question, it possibly can be an astute window into the stories we tell ourselves about our lives. My guest for this episode, Erwin Raphael McManus, speaker & author of “Mind Shift” has a very unique name as well as backstory so I thought he'd be the perfect person to test this hypothesis.  Throughout the episode he answers questions like… If your name wasn't given with meaning, how do you bring meaning to it? What do you do if you don't like your name? Do women lose parts of their identity in taking their husband's name?

It's been one full year since I've launched this pod! I still get the question of "what made you want to start a podcast in the first place?" so I thought it would be fun to take it back to my "why" and also go into the greater concept of origin stories. Did you know that research says that who you are before the age of 5 is likely your "truest self"? Unless you had something very traumatic impact you within that time frame, you were typically the most authentic, raw, and real version of your personality. Before socialization, peer pressure, outside influences, and other environmental factors you were blissfully un-self aware and thus free to just BE. So, how do we in adulthood look over our shoulder at our past self and appreciate that little version of us, but also take forward some of the necessary lessons life taught us since then? I bring in the person who has known me for over 20 years and has seen the evolution of many versions of me in that time frame - my husband & best friend Aaron Weits. Together we talk a bit about how childhood interests and personalities can be a window into what brings us even true peace & joy in adulthood.

What comes to mind when you think of mentorship? Oftentimes we picture the one-on-one type scenario like in Star Wars where Qui-Gon Jinn mentored Obi-Wan Kenobi who then later on matured and took Luke Skywalker under his wing.Yet, that can sometimes feel like a lot of pressure - to wait to be chosen by someone who sees something in you. Or, on the inverse side, it can be really difficult to select someone you want to invest your time & intention into that will truly benefit from your experience. I bring in my long-time (going on 10 years!) mentor in business, Mike Abercrombie, and we explore how mentorship is largely accidental. We discuss questions like - what is the difference between mentorship and coaching? What are the characteristics needed in a mentee? And, how do you know when you're ready to switch from mentee to mentor? Overall, you may find it to be less formulaic than we initially perceive and you can have micro-moments of mentorship in each stage of life. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

"Oh, are you feeling frustrated?" "That sounds really frustrating..." There are so many other words to express emotions other than "frustrated" but why was that the only one that what was coming to mind when I was trying to teach my toddler what was happening in their body? Disappointed, jealous, embarrassed, angry, ashamed - those are way more on the mark and elicit an entirely different and appropriate response. I realized that I may be emotionally illiterate - not only to identify and name the emotions, but to understand how they operate within my brain and psyche. These are some of the conversations I've been having with Angel McNeil, the nanny who watches my kids and is currently studying these concepts in her Graduate program, so together we explore the science behind emotions, how to move through 8 of the most difficult ones, and overall hopefully scratch the surface of Emotional Literacy 101 together. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

The "gentle parenting" movement is all the rage right now. At its core, gentle parenting is all about the relationship. It's talking about treating your child as a dignified human worth respect and choice all meanwhile teaching them emotional literacy and tools for how to handle the big feelings in their little bodies. Many of us millennials entering into child rearing eras and are determined to do things differently than how we were raised during a more authoritarian time. So, of course, erring on the side of valuing the relationship as the most important component is enticing and alluring - but has the pendulum swung to far in the other direction? Are we doomed to be sitting by the door during a meltdown saying "Yes, I hear you don't want to put your socks on... Sure, you wish you didn't have to wear those..." ad nauseam until they're late for school and we're late for work? Tune in as I dive into this topic with my friend and child psychologist, Gaia Althsuler, to hear about the pros / cons of this movement and the middle ground of "gentle parenting-ish" where I find myself as a parent. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Anyone who's been in a relationship for a while knows that sometimes you need to have a quick assessment with your partner of “How are we? Are we okay? Are you happy? Is there any way we can be doing things better?” Just like routine car maintenance - it's important to pull off the highway from time to time and really check things out, ideally before a check engine light comes on. In this episode I bring in my husband of 11 years and we go through some tools from our relational tool kit we have learned throughout the years, primarily from our marriage counselor…  Using a drive-through method to hear each other's needs The difference between a critique versus a complaint The power of wording - “You're annoying” vs “You're behavior is annoying me” vs “I'm annoyed” The littler version of your partner in your head We also land that at some point you need to stop over-analyzing all the ways you could potentially improve and just enjoy the ride together! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

"Come on, man, read the room..." We've all heard some variation of that phrase at some point in time. It typically means someone assessed a situation incorrectly before behaving and then the disconnect was palpably felt by the others in the group. But, I have noticed that, when asked, most people they would say they DO have the ability to read a room correctly. My question is - is that really true? Can people accurately interpret the energy, behaviors, undertones, and body language in a sociological manner? I bring in my friend Mebra and we talk a bit about what is required to hone in on this skill (curiosity, self awareness, and a bit of humility) and what it feels like to be read by someone (depends on who is doing the reading, doesn't it?) Ultimately, it is important to tap into this ability, but what you DO with that information is far more valuable. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

IT'S A TAKE-OVER!! My husband Aaron is my #1 requested return guest so we took it a step further and let him entirely take over this episode. I had no clue what direction he wanted to go in… I just showed up on the couch and was along for the ride.  Ultimately he wanted to explore the topics of labels together - some labels we are proud of, they make us feel giddy or older or special. While other labels can stick to us in a way that we don't want to be known for or identified with.  Why do we feel misunderstood when given labels we don't think we align with? When is the appropriate time to label things - in the moment or in hindsight? We explore a few of these questions together and also share some of our favorite DTR (define the relationship) memories from years ago.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Have you noticed that once you're aware of something you somehow see it everywhere?

The second installment of “What's it like to be a teenager rn” is out! My neighbor, 14 year old Pearl, came back on to talk more about her current experiences navigating the world as a teenager. We talk dating, the shift from childhood to teen, plus some more serious topics of mental health together. Tune in to catch a glimpse of what it feels like to be 14 in 2024. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Spicy title coming from a woman, I know.  But I did an episode last season called “What Men Don't Understand” and it was talking about just the unwanted comments, not always feeling safe walking places, as well as the expectations and stigmas of even working parenthood on women, etc. alongside a girlfriend of mine. Yet after that I realized I would really like to explore a follow up conversation from a male's perspective on what conditioning looked like for you guys growing up or even wrestle with now.  So, I brought in my friend Joe Smith to talk about what kind of things did YOU guys have growing up or perhaps still deal with that we as women aren't privy too and it would help us to be brought into your world a bit more. We talk a bit about high school bullying, team dynamics in sports, bro code, and even about the stigma of it being okay for little girls to dress up a super heroes but not for young boys to wear princess dresses. I definitely left with a little better understanding of men and I hope that's the case for you too! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

"Help! I Like My Friend's Ex" is what one of my girlfriends said to me over lunch a few months ago... Yikes. This is a recipe for something messy and the likelihood of it going wrong is more possible than it going right. But, I think we've all known someone where they went down this path and it DID work out for them. So it may not always be a hard & fast "no" in this scenario. So, if you're faced with this problem - how does it go RIGHT? What questions should you consider going into making decisions that can't be taken back? I bring in my husband Aaron Weits for the male perspective on this and he even brings in his own experience dating one of his friends' exes... spoiler: didn't go well. We pull the thread of this sweater until its a dismantled ball of yarn asking some pertinent questions for this scenario... what you end up doing if you're faced with this situation is up for you to decide :) --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Many of us know what it feels like to be a teenager - the ups & downs, wild hormones, and ever-changing friend dynamics. But, I think this current generations of teenagers has entirely new circumstances to face on top of it all... Social media pressures 24/7 access to phones Internet trolls & anonymous bullying Any content they want at the touch of their fingertips So, I wanted to bring in my friend Pearl, a 14 year old who lives nearby here in LA to tell us a bit more about her experience. We quickly realized there was no way we could fit this into one hour so we have split it up into two episodes to really give us time to sink our teeth into this topic. I shared a bit about my Millennial experience with the Internet, dating, style trends etc. and thoroughly enjoyed hearing her take on it all as a current teen. Fair warning: my generation did get a bit roasted, haha. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Inspired by a cooking/therapy combo class my sister and mom took a while back, this episode is exploring the concept of "the way you do one thing is the way you do everything." As a part of the greater series on Relationships in Season 2 this is about the relationship with YOURSELF. My guest for this episode is is my husband Aaron Weits who had no idea going into it what "pie therapy" meant, but by the end of it he did agree it was a pretty insightful exercise! Here are the questions we went through should you want to play along with your friends: What pie are you choosing and how do you get that recipe? Is it a new one you have never tried, or a family recipe passed down? Going to the store how do you get ingredients? Are you doing this solo or with someone? When you're baking how do you start?  Do you clean as you go?  Do you follow the recipe exactly? Who do you enjoy the pie with afterwards?  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

BFFS! Is it realistic to think you can keep a best friend forever? How do you nurture a friendship over time so that it can evolve throughout the years and seasons? Or, when do you know that it's time to cut bait and appreciate it for what it was? I bring in one of my longest friends (17 years!) Mariah McManus Goss to talk about the concept of longterm friendships. Our relationship start off bonding over some chunky Forever 21 necklaces and has now evolved through job changes, cross-country moves, marriage & children. What I've realize is that my nature is to nurture relationships and keep them afloat, but the underbelly of that is a tendency is to hold on too long past its expiration date and hope it can get back to what I loved initially. Together we talk about the give & take of longstanding relationships and also sprinkle in some of our favorite memories together too. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

This episode is a continuation of last week's discussion about the necessity of evolving your parenting style as your child transitions between seasons. I brought in my own mom, Lisa Whelchel, to talk a bit about the her motherhood journey with us three kids over the years. In Part 1 we talked about toddlerhood through jr. high, while in this episode, Part 2, we explore high school through adulthood. The teen years can be a tricky time for both child/mom as they learn to navigate unchartered territory and new boundaries, but then after they become an adult another dramatic shift needs to take place in order to evolve together. Hint: It requires more & more autonomy until ultimately you aren't “parenting” your adult child whatsoever.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Our culture says “be the main character of your own story” which I can understand and get the idea… But, I am the main character in only one movie - my own - and I'm a side character in everyone else's. How can I make the most in my supporting role in other people's lives?  Where I would see this most frequently is in my relationship to my kids - as their parents, we have to see them as the main characters and not just an extension of OUR story. Our lives. Our wishes for them. Etc.  I bring in a mom I've looked up to from afar whose 11 year old prospected me in the neighborhood with her babysitting resume. On the intro call she asked if my kids “had any allergies she needed to know about” and I was sold. I thought “who is this young female entrepreneur and also how did her mom do it?” So I took Lara Richardson to lunch. She is a badass professionally as the CMO of Hallmark Media (helloooo Hallmark Christmas movies have already started, yay!) but she took her role as a mother with just as much focus, intention, and leadership as she does her career.  We talk all things toddlerhood to pre-teen together! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Has your heart ever longed for something you couldn't quite reach? Whether you're held back by circumstance, talent, timing, capabilities, fate, or luck it doesn't really matter on the "why" when it comes to dealing with the disappointment. What do you do in the interim of an unmet desire? In my experience it can be hard to hold both truths at the same time: a lot of this is out of my control, but not all of it. My nature is to white knuckle something to force it into existence, but sometimes there are odds bigger than me that I can't quite budge. Maybe your nature is to "let go and let God" then subsequently abdicating any responsibility in the situation. How can we hold both equally? Not forcing our will into a situation but also not being entirely laissez faire to things we hope for. I bring in my friend Gaia as we talk a little bit about our own journeys with this topic and also how to support a friend if perhaps they are in this current season. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Do you have a sister and wonder if you're complicated relationship is "normal?" Or do you not have a sister and are curious if it really is all that it's hyped up to be? Inspired by my last episode where a childhood friend ratted me out (in a loving way) for complaining about my sister buying matching Ugg boots... I bring back my little sister as a guest to the show. We talk about how being born 13 months apart caused me to crave independence while she would have been happy to tag along to anything & everything I was doing. She also brings up the great point that there seems to be more of a competition element within the sister/sister dynamic more-so than a brother/sister dynamic. I will add the caveat that my Producer encouraged me to re-do the intro and warn people that we were a bit unhinged / all over the place in our storytelling - so just be prepared for the multiple story tangents we go on together down memory lane... --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

We all seem to have blind spots - areas we are weak in or aren't able to accurately perceive ourselves. For me it can be as small scale as moving too quickly and incurring many typos (thank God for Grammarly!) or as large scale as being so focused in my perspective that I find it difficult to entertain alternative avenues.  There is the old saying “it takes two to know one” so oftentimes without family, friends or community who love us enough to speak hard truths and make us privy to them we likely would never be made aware of them.  So, since we all have them, how can we try to root out those blind spots in our lives? I dive into this concept of tactical and practical ways to understand yourself better with my childhood friend Emily Fullerton Hutchinson.    We then parlay the topic into how these can even morph into hidden vices if we are segregating (even subconsciously!) portions of ourselves out that are “unapproved” or “unwelcome” and “not allowed.”  Join us as we dive into Real Housewives, disassociation, weed gummies, and more! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Most of us grew up watching movies, but there was always one that you wanted on repeat. Have you ever wondered what drew you to that particular movie? For me growing up I loved “The Little Mermaid” and only looking back as adult can I see the common threads of what drew me to that story. Her independence, curiosity, exploration, rejection of the norm, and quest for adventure are all themes I was aligning with.  Ultimately, movies are storytelling - which has been around since the beginning of time. Stories tell us about ourselves and are how we process the human journey.  For this episode I bring in my friend Mackenzie (who also did the logo for my podcast - helloooo https://mackenzielauren.com/) and we hear a bit about her fav childhood movie, Halloween costume genres, and overall approach to her branding work. After you listen to the episode my question to you is - what did you love as a kid? And what were you trying to identify internally and also tell the world about yourself through that?  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

The second part of our “Free Marriage Counseling” episode is live now and we cover… Money & Sex Yes, we do really go there. 

The #1 topic request I've received on this podcast has been people asking for an episode discussing marriage. Committed long term relationships can be some of the most meaningful and most difficult things to navigate all at the same time.  I couldn't do this theme solo so my guest is the LOML, Aaron Weits - my husband of nearly 11 years, lover for 16 years and best friend for 18 years. We both are currently tied on the # of weddings we have been asked to officiate and, because of that, it means we have facilitated pre-marital counseling for a half a dozen couples. We broke down our 3 month curriculum into the highest level concepts to discuss either prior to getting married or after you've already tied the knot.  This first episode is all about conflict, communication & expectations and I hope you find some value in it.  What do you do when you disagree?  What are some boundaries to have in place during conflict? How do you break out of a pattern of scorekeeping with one another?  Stay tuned for the second part of this “free marriage counseling” series which covers money & sex! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support