Securing Sexuality

It's hard to build connections, much less businesses, when you can't communicate freely online. For small business owners, online platforms are crucial to promoting their brand to potential customers and collaborators. But for sęxual health professionals, this is hindered by social media policies that conflate the professional with the prurient. Thankfully, there are folks like Leah Spasova, founder of the Sëxperts Business Community and advocate for entrepreneurs everywhere. She joins Wolf and Stef this week to talk about community building strategy, championing intimacy & wellness innovation, and doing what it takes to build a business a the digital age.

It's been a least a month since Wolf and Stef have ruined online dating for someone, right? Well guess who's back, friends! From Stef's love of forensic procedurals to Wolf's fascination with oracle trilateration, we're here to explain and explore a whole new kind of vulnerability in some of biggest dating apps in the business. Whether you are online to meet someone for the next thirty years or the next thirty minute, you're going to want to hear this.

You know that feeling when you meet someone new, and everything seems to click, and you're super excited to hear from them until, one day... you don't? Yeah. You got ghosted. If you've ever been left thinking WTF after a promising paramour pulls a vanishing act, this episode is for you! This week, Stef and Wolf are joined by Peter Jonason, a social/personality psychologist who uses evolutionary theory to (mostly) explain personality, mating strategies, and sęxuality. He's here to explain why ghosting happens and what lessons we can learn about dating by looking at how other creatures approach courtship. Show Notes

What do the Gremlins, Feminist Theory, and Stefani's 3rd grade Odyssey of the Mind team have in common? They all got us thinking about adaptive technologies and how we can promote pleasure and intimacy across the lifespan. In this week's free-ranging conversation, Stef and Wolf talk about aging, living and loving with disabilities, and Stef's favorite buzzy (and not so buzzy) toys for all bodies. Show Notes

This week Wolf and Stef are joined by the amazing Mona Terry, Chief Victims Officer for the Identity Theft Resource Center. In an age where it seems like our data is stolen by someone new every day, she's here to help us understand the scope of the problem, the systems that can protect us, and what to do if (when) it happens to you. Show Notes

Wolf and Stef just got back from New Orleans - a city known for daring and debauchery. So it's probably not a huge surprise that the #1 question they were asked by the folks they met in NOLA was, "What can I do to keep from getting called out when I say or do something that rubs others the wrong way?" Doxxing is a very real concern these days, and self-righteousness has been weaponized on both sides of the culture war. Wolf and Stef wax philosophical about this and discuss what, if anything, someone can do to keep from being canceled. Show Notes

Friend of the show and brand new author Stephanie Sigler is joining Wolf and Stefani this week and she is opening up... about all things ENM! A multiple-award winning sėxuality coach, she's here to share her tips on everything from how to navigate a group chat when you're chatting about "group activities" and what NOT to do on lifestyle apps to the best way to update- and if you choose, disseminate- your personal health info quickly and privately. Listen in this week as Wolf learns what to do when TWO Stef's show up to the conversation.

An man in Britain is suing Apple for the dissolution of his marriage. Could his wife have been upset about his years of infidelity? No way- clearly his iOS is to blame. This week Stef and Wolf sit down to ask why this case is happening, what designers could do differently to prevent these situations, how to best keep your everyday messages private and also just a general "WTF, Richard?"

Stefani spent many years working in shelters for people at risk: homeless shelters, domestic violence shelters, and shelters for young people who didn't feel safe at home. There's one thing they all lacked: pretty much any kind of cybersecurity. Yeah! The people who are protecting the most vulnerable among us are often operating from a pretty vulnerable place themselves. This week, Stef and Wolf are joined by Dr. Kelley Masata, the founder and CEO of Sightline Security, a nonprofit which works with other nonprofits to develop a security strategy that protects their people, supports their mission, and fits their budget. She's here to share her own story of cyberabuse and her vision for creating a safer online world. Show Notes

It's summer in an even-numbered year and you know what that means! No, not easier math for numerologists... the Olympics are back! And while neither Goerlich is known for their athletic acumen, Stefani is here to answer all of Wolf's questions about the latest gossip coming out of Paris. From cardboard beds to a cornucopia of condoms... we've got all your pre-Games gossip (and perhaps a little sęx-and-tech context!) for you this week on Securing Sexuality.

The amount of peer-to-peer surveillance these days has gotten downright creepy. Behavior we'd never tolerate from our neighbors (staring in our windows, jotting down our dog-walking schedule) have become ubiquitous through the use of things like Ring cameras and other "internet of things" home products. Wolf and Stefani talked about app-based surveillance in episode 77- The New Peeping Toms, and this week they're joined by Albert Fox Cahn of the Surveillance Technology Oversight Project, whose here to tell us how to protect yourself from constant, low-key monitoring... or if you even can.

RSA is one of the biggest Information Security conferences in the country, drawing 50,000 people to San Francisco from around the world to learn from some of the leading voices in technology... and for some reason? They gave Stefani a microphone. This week's episode, recorded live at RSA, features her thoughts on how the internet is rewiring our erotic identities, the role that hackers and technologists can play in protecting intimate relationships, and why the Elf on the Shelf is an existential threat to society. You should check it out! ⁠Show Notes⁠

Friend of the show and all-around badass, Kurt Fowler is back with us to discuss his new book The Rise of Digital S3x Work out now from NYU Press. The internet has revolutionized s3x work perhaps more than any other profession and Kurt is here to tell Wolf & Stefani all about how innovative workers are using the internet to attract clients, shape personas, share information, screen potential clients, and build community. 

Stef & Wolf were invited to be Guests of Honor at PenguiCon 2024 and they are here to report on 48 hours of pure awesomeness. Lots of talks (they gave four separate presentations) and LOTS of great questions later... they're here to tell you all about it. Have you ever wondered what you get when you combine Open Source, Sci Fi, and S3x Toys? You'll find out this week on Securing Sexuality!

Hey there, Mr(s) Incognito Mode! You're doing all the right things when you browse online. No one knows what you're searching for and you know better than to actually make an account on the sexywebz, right? Yeah... we've got some bad news for you. This week Stef and Wolf are joined by Alessandro Polidoro, technology attorney and digital rights activist who's here to tell us all the sneaky ways that websites (yes, those websites) are tracking your searches and how this information can be weaponized against you. Alessandro is working to make sure your private pleasures remain just that. Because after all, you didn't sign up to be a data p0rn star. Show Notes

Stefani is out sick, but don't worry- it's not Covid! Speaking of the pandemic? Since 2020, the rise of Zoom dates has become a fascinating phenomenon. These virtual meet-cutes not only offer a practical solution for distance or health concerns but also introduce a whole new dynamic to the dating scene. Weaving in tips on avoiding romance scams with tips for fun-yet-secure Zoom dates, Wolf does his best to carry on alone. Show Notes

This is the 80th episode of Securing Sexuality. Each week, Stef and Wolf sit down at their desks to chat about the world of intimacy and technology... or do they? How can you tell if the voices you're hearing right now belong to the people you think they do? Can you be sure that the faces you see on your screen are real? Do the Goerlichs exist at ALL?! Lucky for you, Information Security and Risk Management expert Joshua Marpet is with us this week to give you the answer... and that answer is "damned if we know."

One of the top questions listeners ask the Securing Sexuality Home Team is how to minimize the amount of data they feed to "the machine." Unfortunately, we don't have a good answer for you, especially now that AI seems to be developing...gaydar? Tune in this week as Wolf and Stef discuss the subtle, even subliminal data points that Large Language Models are using to figure out your most personal information- whether you intend to share this info or not. Show Notes

Keigh-Lee Paroz is a U.K. based data privacy expert who is deeply passionate about human rights, accessibility, gender equality, and the ways in which technology can influence all three. This week, she's joining Wolf and Stef to explain Europe's General Data Protection Regulation and how better security practices can build a better world. Show Notes

We're all familiar with the way that big businesses collect, analyze and sell our personal data. No one LIKES it, but most of us have resigned ourselves to the fact that the stuff we share on social media is going to be, well, shared. But what happens when the entity tracking your location, sharing your personal data (address, religion, political views) is not a website you've chosen to use but the stranger in line behind you at the pharmacy? How do we respond when our neighbors are the ones monitoring- and sharing- our most private details with the world? This week, Wolf and Stef talk about the rise of peer-to-peer surveillance tech and the ironic lack of information about who's behind these apps. See the show notes here.

What do you get when you cross a Structural Engineer with a pleasure products home party? If you're super lucky, you get Raven Faber- the brilliant mind behind EngErotics! This week she's joining Stef and Wolf to discuss materials science, multilevel marketing, and why everyone needs to pay close attention to what their favorite toys are made of. Before you purchase your next buzzy buddy (whether it's internet connected or not!) you're going to want to listen to our chat with Raven. See the Show Notes here.

Have you ever wanted to lounge at home while devoted minions pay your bills and send you presents? Living that fantasy might seem relaxing, but in reality? It's a whole lot of work. This week, Stefani is telling Wolf all about the world of FinDomme (or Financial Domination) a majority-female online form of power exchange. Join us as we learn about how this niche er0tic interest exploded on social media, what the appeal is for those loyal followers opening up their wallets, and best practices for staying safe.

This week, we're learning all about pig butchering! No, Stefani is not forsaking her Jewish roots to go "whole hog," but she is going to learn all about this insidious and devastating form of romance scam. Join Stef and Wolf as they chat with Sean Gallagher, Principal Threat Researcher for Sophos X-Ops. Prior to joining Sophos, he was an information security and technology journalist for over 30 years, including 10 as information security and national security editor for Ars Technica and he's here to tell us if it's possible to protect ourselves and our loved ones from online information that's not quite... kosher?

Ah, the old No-Tell Motel, where Film Noir gumshoes conduct parking lot stakeouts, illicit lovers find forbidden romance, and every 3rd episode of COPS- Tallahassee is filmed. Sadly, the glory days of by-the-hour shenanigans have largely been replaced by the app-based vacation rental. In every city in the world, folks can check into a private spot far from the prying eyes of hotel desk clerks... right? Just how private ARE these peer-to-peer rental properties? Who's welcome to stay and what (or who!) are we allowed to do when we get there? Coming to you live from the road in Denver, Stef and Wolf are airing all the dirty laundry this week... because the owner told them they had to before they could leave. See the Show Notes here.

This week, Stefani ventures into dark places she's never been before. That's right! This week, we're gonna get Psychodynamic. Stef and Wolf are joined by robotics researcher and all around badass Dr. Jo Ann Oravec to have a conversation about ego-centrism, artificial intelligence, and the hope that someday we might marry our robots....or become one ourselves. From Freud to Feminism to the perils of aging, Dr. Oravec is here to try and convince us all to get comfortable with the idea of human-robot relationships. See the Show Notes here.

From the Republican Party to the local sports bar, everyone in America is talking about Taylor Swift this week. But why are they so obsessed with her and WTF does it have to do with Securing Sexuality? This conversation starts out with Stefani's desire to finally convince Wolf that football is fun... but it quickly becomes an exploration of misinformation, deepfakes, artificial intelligence, and how one precocious middle schooler might be our best hope to save America. See the Show Notes here.

This week Stef and Wolf are joined by the cybersecurity's Ring Master, Ean Meyer! He's here to tell us all about manatees, muppets, and how to make scary topics accessible- a challenge many clinicians and educators also wrestle with. How can we get folks to learn skills to keep themselves safe? Why is making them even more afraid not an ideal strategy to reinforce learning? And how can we harness the power of FUN to keep people safe on the interwebz? Ean's got us covered! See the show notes here.

From fashion trends to SCOTUS rulings, this episode has a something for everyone. Join us as we try to get a cover-all on the 2024 Predictions Bingo card put out by one of Stefani's favorite brands. There's no sponsored content here- just rollicking conversation about abortion pills, TradWives, and the RenFaire. Laugh along with us- but be sure to shout BINGO to claim your winner's status in the year ahead. Show Notes for this episode.

One of the biggest complaints that Stefani hears in her practice is that there are so many treatment options for men who struggle with arousal disorders and relatively few available for women. It can be disheartening for many clients to feel like the medical community isn't taking their needs (or their bodies) seriously... and if there's one thing that Wolf and Stef want you to take away from this podcast? It's that you need to change your password. ...But their second message is that everyone deserves to feel good both in their bodies AND with their partners. This week, Dr. Ashley Winter, the medical director of Femme Tech is here to tell us all about the science of helping women and other vulva owners have the information, support, and technology they need to live their best, most pleasure-possible lives. See the show notes HERE.

This has been a busy year for the Securing Sexuality Home Team! Wolf and Stef talked to some incredible experts and recorded dozens of podcast episodes, Comms Director Frank and the crew helped us host our first ever live conference, and we even visited a cyber brothel! But which episodes were our favorite of 2023? In a year full of so much, what sticks out in our minds as the most impactful moments? Last week we learned who Wolf's favorite conversation was with. Tune in this week to discover why Stefani chose one of the most stressful moments of 2023 as her top-pick episode.

This has been a busy year for the Securing Sexuality Home Team! Wolf and Stef talked to some incredible experts and recorded dozens of podcast episodes, Comms Director Frank and the crew helped us host our first ever live conference, and we even visited a cyber brothel! But which episodes were our favorite of 2023? In a year full of so much, what sticks out in our minds as the most impactful moments? Tune in this week to discover Wolf's pick!

It's that time of year again! PornHub has released its annual report on viewer trends and Stefani can't wait to unwrap it. Join Wolf and Stef this week as they discuss what surprised them about 2023's top fantasies, offers their insights into why some themes are more popular than ever, and they debate whether or not she should start her own channel in 2024. Show Notes on SecuringSexuality.com

It seems like it's impossible to live in the 21st century without sharing parts of our lives on different social media platforms. LinkedIn for professional networking, Facebook to keep up with the family, the website-formerly-known-as-Twitter when you're just dying to ruin your mood. Every facet of life has it's own dedicated website- including our most intimate identities. The BDSM community has been online for as long as there's been a world wide web, but how safe are our kinky social media options these days? Has anti-kink stigma diminished enough to feel comfortable posting about BDSM on Instagram? Are the available kink-specific platforms safe to use? This week, Wolf & Stef are joined by Apollyon, who has worked on several major altsex platforms- including a new one that's addressing some of the biggest security pitfalls users have experienced in other online spaces: Submit social. Show Notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Perhaps the most common question people ask Wolf these days is how they can evaluate an app or other digital product before using it themselves or sharing it with others. This week, we'll use the recent example of Speaker of the House Mike Johnson's revelation that he and his son use the Covenant Eyes "accountability" app to track their digital behaviors online as a case study. Wolf walks Stefani step-by-step through the process of researching a digital product, how to use publicly available information to determine if they're safe to use, and what to watch out for in assessing a products risk. Then, Stefani shares her thoughts on the whole idea of shame as a tool for behavior modification and the risks and benefits of the psychology behind shameware. This is a can't-miss episode! ⁠⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Life is weird these days. Everyone is polarized. The news is a clusterf!ck. And now we have to hang out with Racist Uncle Joe and eat some overcooked turkey. Thankfully (see what we did there?!) Wolf and Stef are joined this week by Tilly Bridges, the author of Begin Transmission: the Trans Allegories of the Matrix to talk about how we can use our post-parade TV time to brush up on all the ways the Matrix Trilogy teaches us how to be better humans. ⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

How much would you pay for a stolen credit card number? A social security number? Can you put a price on someone's online identity? What about just their medical records? In this weeks episode, Stefani has questions about healthcare hacking: why it happens, how to recognize it, and why someone would bother stealing the records of her last flu shot. Have you ever wondered why criminals target hospitals? Do you ever worry that your colonoscopy pics can be weaponized against you? Is the farm supply store an appropriate place to take your date on Valentines Day? Wolf will answer these questions and more this week on Securing Sexuality. ⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Social media is full of commentary on masculinity these days. As gender norms change and evolve, more and more men are thinking about what it looks like to be a good man in the 21st century- both online and off. This week, author Eric FitzMedrud is here to join Wolf & Stef in these conversations. Listen in as they chat about the evolution of masculinity, consent for men, what Ted Lasso can teach us about ethical tech, and what it means to be The Better Man today. ⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Wolf and Stef got an early holiday gift in the mail from Lovehoney! Join us this week as Sarah Tomchesson, Lovehoney's Resident Sexual Wellness Advisor, guides Wolf & Stef through unboxing a sexy advent calendar! As each new treat is revealed, Sarah, Stefani and Wolf share tips, tell stories, and gear up for the most decadent holiday season ever. Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Michael Kaye is the Director of Brand Marketing & Communications for Archer- a new dating app for gay men. He's here to give Stef & Wolf a glimpse into the world of online dating platforms- how sites are designed, how safety and inclusivity are prioritized, and how folks from under-represented gender, sexuality, and relationship communities can find friendship, connection, and love in cyberspace. There's someone out there for everyone- and Michael wants to help them find each other. ⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com⁠

It's finally here! The Securing Sexuality Conference is live in Detroit and it's sold out!! People are making new friends, learning from experts, and picking some locks... but just beneath the surface, a scheme is brewing. Join us as Wolf and Stef share their favorite conference moments and recount their behind-the-scenes adventure as someone tries to pull off a targeted phishing attack against the conference. Will our harried heroes catch on in time? Tune in to find out! ⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com⁠

Maya Brooks is a legit genius. An award-winning educator, speaker, and entrepreneur, she is Founder & CEO of Privy Labs, an anti-piracy protocol designed to protect media content from harm, abuse, and misuse. And this week, Maya is here to tell us how to keep our spiciest images safe online. In order to do that, through, she'll first have to get Stefani to understand what the blockchain actually is.. a task many (including Wolf) have tried and failed. Whether you're already a blockchain aficionado, or whether you're still sending pics the old fashioned way (Polaroids by carrier pigeon, of course!) this fascinating conversation has something for everyone. Are you Privvy yet? Join us this week to learn more. ⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com⁠

What counts as cheating online? Is watching porn cheating? Is having friendships with folks you only know from social media emotional infidelity? Is buying time with your favorite cam performing the same as having an affair? The answer is YES. Or maybe no. It all depends on your specific relationship agreements. But no matter what counts as infidelity for you and your partner(s), everyone agrees that technology has changed what being unfaithful looks like and in this episode, Wolf and Stef are going to explore how, why, and what you can do to make sure you're staying on the right side of your relationships. ⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

If you've ever wondered what the coolest job EVER was, Simon Dubé has it. Simon is a post-doctoral research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, where he specializes in erobotics, sextech and space sexology. YES.... he is a space sex scientist! And he is here to tell us all about his work in erobotics, the International Congress on Love, Sex and Robots, and why the future of space exploration might be more female than most sci-fi movies have led us to believe. This interview is can't-miss for anyone who ever watched the opening sequence of Barbarella and thought to themselves "that's what I want to be when I grow up." ⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Breakups are never easy. It never fails to surprise us how quickly love can turn to anger and hurt. Knowing that our now-ex has a record of the good times, the sexy times, can make a breakup feel even more stressful and disorienting. This week, Wolf and Stef are here to talk about how to navigate the tech side of a breakup- what to do with all of those saved flirtations and deeply personal pics you have saved once the person you shared them with is no longer around. We discuss the ethics of living like Lasso, explore what our options are when the one we used to love isn't quite as invested in protecting our privacy anymore, and offer some best practices for broken hearts.. and breached passwords. ⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Sex-positive Punk-Folk musician Rachel Lark, creator of the rock comedy musical "Coming Soon" which explores themes of connection and healing from trauma, visits Securing Sexuality this week! Her hits include “⁠Polyamory Blues⁠,” “⁠Shut Up & Hit Me⁠,” "⁠Warm, Bloody, And Tender⁠,” “⁠It's Hard To Be A Feminist⁠," and she's here to tell Wolf and Stef all about her journey into music, her thoughts on internet fame, her upcoming tour, and how bawdy music-making can change a life and rock the house. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

What do you do when your photo pops up somewhere you DON'T want to be? Do you have any options? Heck... do you even own your image? Inspired by a recent call from a concerned therapist, this week Wolf tells Stefani all about the Digital Millennium Copyright Act- how it can protect you when unwanted images, recordings, and other content is shared online and where it's usefulness is limited. What does ANY of this have to do with baby hippos? Tune in this week to find out. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Shakun Sethi had a vision: she wanted to create a user-friendly, approachable s3x education platform that would let people get answers to the questions they were too embarrassed to ask anywhere else. She wanted to teach, to empower, to amuse. So when her site, Tickle.Life was deplatformed by her payment processors? She approached the situation like any passionate teacher would: she immersed herself in the world of credit card processing and online banking regulations in order to become an expert in working a system that was created to keep some people out- out of business and out of money. That's how Tickle.Pay was born. Tune in this week to learn about banking bias, the complicated world of "high risk" payment processing, and how one amazing woman is breaking down barriers not only for herself, but for everyone doing s3x and intimacy related work. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

This August, Stefani was invited to speak at SquadCon- one of the many community events that happen in Las Vegas at Hacker Summer Camp. Join us as Wolf offers color commentary on her presentation, hear her thoughts on why developers need to be designing with mental health in mind, and learn why Stef STILL f*cking hates the Elf on the Shelf. Much like Summer Camp itself, this is not to be missed.

We all know someone who logs on to Only Fans these days, either as a content creator or as a consumer. But what many of us don't realize is that the nature of the site has changed dramatically. In this episode, we are joined by Christine Leistner, a relationship scientist and public health scholar at California State University- Chico, who tells Stef and Wolf all about the ways in which Only Fans has become a go-to resource for education about intimacy and relationships. Sure, OF will still let its users scratch that voyeuristic itch that the site is most well known for... but it might also help them become better lovers, better partners, and better human beings along the way. ⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Tune in for our first ever cross-over episode and listen in as our intrepid hosts join Rachel Arnold and Will McCullen for an episode of The Coffee Table Talk cybersecurity podcast. Join us for a heavily caffeinated conversation between three cybersecurity experts (and Stefani) as they explain why technologists need to be paying attention to the way people form and foster their relationships online and off.

Melissa Saavedra is a Navy Veteran, romance novel connoisseur, and the founder of Steam Box- an artfully assembled, intentionally diverse, monthly box of hot reading, self-care products, and the occasional toy or two. This week, she's here to tell Stef and Wolf all about her path towards becoming an inclusive erotica entrepreneur as well as the conference she's hosting this fall for Romance aficionados, Steamy Lit Con. If you're a lover of steamy literature, if you've always wondered what the appeal of bodice rippers is, or if you just want to know how someone becomes a pleasure curator? This is the episode for you! Show Notes