The Place We Find Ourselves

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The Place We Find Ourselves podcast features private practice therapist Adam Young (LCSW, MDiv) and interview guests as they discuss all things related to story, trauma, attachment, and interpersonal neurobiology. Listen in as Adam unpacks how trauma and abuse impact the heart and mind, as well as how to navigate the path toward healing, wholeness, and restoration. Interview episodes give you a sacred glimpse into the real-life stories of guests who have engaged their own experiences of trauma and abuse. Drawing from the work of neuroscientists such as Allan Schore, Dan Siegel, and Bessel van der Kolk, as well as Christian thought leaders Dan Allender and John Eldredge, this podcast will equip and inspire you to engage your own stories of harm in deep, transformative ways.

Adam Young | LCSW, MDiv


    • May 15, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • monthly NEW EPISODES
    • 36m AVG DURATION
    • 173 EPISODES

    4.8 from 2,265 ratings Listeners of The Place We Find Ourselves that love the show mention: one correction, affectionately, thank you adam, adam puts, adam has a way, spiritual warfare, grieve, redemptive, attachment, wholeness, stories of others, healing journey, wounds, podcast is helping, life changing content, counseling, counselor, i'm learning so much, adam's, trauma.


    Ivy Insights

    The Place We Find Ourselves podcast is an incredibly inspiring and informative show that delves into the mind-body connection, trauma healing, and personal growth. The host, Adam Young, brings a unique perspective as a therapist and provides practical tips for listeners to apply in their daily lives. This podcast has been recommended by therapists and has gained a loyal following due to its life-changing content.

    One of the best aspects of this podcast is its ability to provide valuable insights and understanding of the mind-body connection. Listeners can learn about trauma, abuse, addiction, and recovery in a way that is both educational and empowering. The episodes are rooted in science but also incorporate faith-based perspectives, making it accessible to a wide range of audiences. Additionally, the guests on the show share their personal stories, which adds depth and relatability to the topics discussed.

    While this podcast offers immense value, some listeners may find certain episodes hard to hear due to the nature of the subject matter. Topics like abuse and addiction can be triggering for individuals who have experienced similar traumas. However, these challenging topics are critical for healing and growth. It's important to approach these episodes with self-care strategies in place or seek additional support if needed.

    In conclusion, The Place We Find Ourselves podcast is a powerful resource for anyone seeking understanding of their own mind-body connection, trauma healing, and personal growth. Adam Young's expertise as a therapist shines through in each episode as he provides practical advice and explores deep topics with empathy and compassion. Despite potentially difficult subject matter, this podcast offers hope and encouragement for listeners on their journey towards healing and self-discovery.



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    Latest episodes from The Place We Find Ourselves

    172 Spiritual and Religious Trauma with Dr. Hillary McBride

    Play Episode Listen Later May 15, 2025 39:36


    Dr. Hillary McBride talks about her new book titled, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing. Topics covered include: our deep human need to belong, the inherent goodness of your heart (despite what you may have been told), how healing should not be defined as “something going away,” and the importance of witnessing your emotions and letting them unfold. Hillary and I are co-hosting the Spiritual Trauma conference on Saturday, June 7, 2025. You can learn more here.

    171 Your Sexuality and Your Story: Linking Past to Present

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2025 33:26


    I am joined today by author Jay Stringer to talk about sexual stuckness/difficulties/struggles. Healthy sexuality is deeply tied to the degree to which we have made sense of our story in our family of origin. Sadly, so few of us have ever been asked to connect the dots between our past life story and the sexual difficulties we face in the present. Today, Jay and I try to connect some of those dots. If you want to understand your sexual story in more depth, please sign up for The Sexual Attachment Conference on May 3rd, 2025. We want to help you understand and transform some of the sexual difficulties you may be experiencing either individually or as a couple.

    Make Sense of Your Story: Dan Allender Interviews Adam

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 7, 2025 46:09


    Today's episode is different. Dan Allender takes over the podcast to interview me about my new book titled, Make Sense of Your Story: Why Engaging Your Past with Kindness Changes Everything. Topics covered include: how to respond when we fail those we love, how the book launch re-enacts core dynamics in my life, how to listen to the story your body is telling you, as well as your sexual story and your collective story.

    169 How to Experience the Kind Presence of God with John Eldredge

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 27, 2025 41:35


    John Eldredge returns to the podcast to talk about his newest book titled, “Experience Jesus. Really.” Topics covered include: how to live as an ordinary mystic (someone who experiences the sweet presence of God on a regular basis), why you don't need to understand something to experience it and benefit from it, the importance of turning toward Jesus with the parts of our hearts that are not doing well, and how the presence of Jesus heals even the fragmented and traumatized parts of us.

    168 Longing for Delight and Honoring Anger

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 13, 2025 40:36


    I am joined today by my friend Gail Stucker who is a trauma-informed story coach. Gail generously shares a story about herself as an 8th grader. Topics we cover: taking your story seriously when you don't believe you have any “capital T” trauma, longing for the delight of your parents, blessing your desire for delight as a good thing even though the unmet longing is agonizing, blessing anger at those who have harmed us, listening to the sensations in our bodies, and honoring what our hatred is telling us.

    167 StoryWork: What It Is and Why It Matters with Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 6, 2025 31:50


    You have a story and that story matters. Your story in your family of origin significantly affects the way you think, feel, and act in the world today. This is why Dan Allender says, “It is time to listen to your story.” What if healing begins by listening to your story? By reflecting on the experiences in your growing up years, you can better understand why your brain has been shaped in the way that it has. If you want to experience more of the healing power of understanding your own story, join Dan, Cathy, and myself in Atlanta, GA, on Saturday February 22, 2025, for the StoryWork Conference. The conference will be live streamed if you can't make it to Atlanta. You can register by going to adamyoungcounseling.com. CEU's are available for therapists.

    166 Why Your Marriage Feels The Way It Does

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 16, 2024 42:04


    I am joined today by Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call to talk about the complexities of marriage relationships. Dan and Steve recently co-authored a book titled, “The Deep-Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Intimacy, Healing, and Delight.” If you are committed to the growth of yourself and your spouse, marriage will be hard. Today, Dan and Steve talk about how the look and feel of our present marriages are tied to each partner's past story. We also discuss stuckness, shame, neurons, and blessing/cursing.

    165 A Concise Explanation of Avoidant and Ambivalent Attachment

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2024 29:22


    I dive into a detailed explanation of avoidant and ambivalent attachment. I explain why and how a child develops each of these insecure attachment styles. I then outline how you are supposed to know in adulthood if you have an avoidant or ambivalent attachment style. Your attachment style (secure, avoidant, or ambivalent) profoundly affects how you experience relationships and how you express yourself in relationship. And your attachment style develops based on your relationship with your primary caregivers.

    164 Engaging Your Cultural/Collective Story

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 18, 2024 32:24


    The fundamental premise of story work is that your past story is affecting your present life. This is just as true for your collective story as it is for your individual story. Your present day to day life is deeply affected by the past story of the collective to which you belong. The story of America bears great glory and great sin, just like the story of Mexico, Poland, and Thailand. Every culture contains deep goodness and every culture contains deep sin. Part of the story of America includes destroying the original dwellers of this land, and then exploiting black laborers so that white people could build wealth. If you live in America, these aspects of our collective story have profound effects on present day to day life.

    163 Implicit Memory: What It Is and Why It Matters

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 28, 2024 25:18


    Memory is the way in which a past experience affects how the mind will function in the present. There are two layers of memory: explicit and implicit. There are two key attributes of implicit memory that are critical to understand. First, implicit memories are created whether you are paying attention or not. In other words, when you were a child, you recorded tons of information about your environment without trying to. It just happened. Because that's how the brain works. Second, when you recall something that is stored in implicit memory, you do not have the sensation of recall. You don't have that sense in your body of “I'm thinking back in time and remembering something.” When we leave home and set out into the world, we carry within us a storehouse of implicit memories. And those implicit memories tell us what to expect around every bend. 

    162 Triangulation: What It Is and Why It Matters

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 14, 2024 40:09


    Triangulation occurs when a parent requires a child to function as an emotional adult by meeting the parent's adult needs and wants. Were you required to give, give, give to your parent, or was your parent continually giving, giving, giving emotionally to you? In a healthy parent-child relationship, there is plenty of connection—but the parent never imposes their emotional needs on the child. Triangulation results in two deadly dynamics. First, your goodness is consumed by one parent. Second, as a result of being consumed by one parent, you are setup to be envied by the other parent. When triangulation is present in a family, it is common (though not inevitable) for the triangulated relationship to become sexualized. By sexualized, I mean that there is erotic energy between Mom and the chosen son or Dad and the chosen daughter.

    161 Exploring Your Sexual Story With Curiosity and Kindness

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 30, 2024 35:54


    Sexuality is an emotionally charged topic. Period. But when you are talking about sexuality for people with a history of trauma, you are stepping into terrain where angels fear to tread. However, if God intends for you to experience overflowing sexual pleasure and lavish sexual freedom, then exploring your sexual story is more than worth it. Human beings are aroused by particular things in the present because of our experiences of being aroused in the past. Your past story can help you understand why you are turned on by the things that turn you on. Your sexual preferences and sexual fantasies are not random. There is a connection between your painful experiences growing up and your present sexual struggles. Sexual harm in the past becomes reenacted in the present. This is because you have neurons... and that's how neurons operate.

    160 The Weight of Religious and Spiritual Expectations with Reid Zeller

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 29, 2024 40:32


    I am joined today by therapist and friend Reid Zeller who shares a story about egging cars when he was 16. Behind every story is a backstory. The backstory includes the nature of the environment we grew up in. When religious or spiritual expectations are placed on the shoulders of a child, pressure builds within that child. And when that pressure inevitably leads to a bursting, what results is always a mixture of dignity and depravity. Both. If the podcast has been helpful to you, please consider supporting it financially. 

    159 Revisiting the Big Six: What You Needed from Your Parents

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 15, 2024 41:34


    When you were a child, you were deeply dependent on your primary caretakers. This means that the development of your brain was contingent upon the level of care and kindness in your family environment. Today I identify the six things you needed from your parents, and give examples of each. The “Big Six” things you needed from your parents include (1) attunement, (2) responsiveness, (3) engagement, (4) ability to regulate your affect, (5) ability to handle your big emotions and (6) willingness to repair harm. To download a free document that explains the Big Six, click here.

    158 The Critical Relationship Between Attachment and Affect Regulation

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 1, 2024 30:05


    If you have difficulty regulating your emotion, there is a reason for that! No one comes out of the womb with the ability to regulate their affect. The way you develop the neurobiological structures to regulate your own emotions is by having your affect interactively regulated by another. This is the main gift that a primary caregiver gives to a child. Another name for this gift is “secure attachment.” The essence of secure attachment in adulthood is that you have the ability to both self-regulate and reach for help (that is, receive regulation from another). If the podcast has been helpful to you, please consider supporting it financially by clicking here.

    157 What If My Story Isn't That Bad? Why We All Tend to Minimize Our Wounds

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 17, 2024 29:24


    This episode is for people who experience emotional pain but feel like “nothing that bad happened to me growing up. I had a pretty good childhood.” As it says in Jeremiah 6, it is very common to dress our wounds as though they are not serious. One way we tend to minimize our wounds is by comparing our story to someone else who “had it worse.” Another way we minimize our wounds is by spiritualizing away the harmful experiences we endured with sentences like, “God used that terrible experience to shape my character.” What is keeping you from having compassion for the harm you experienced as a boy or a girl? If the podcast has been helpful to you, please consider supporting it financially here.

    156 Five Objections to Engaging Your Story: A Response

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 3, 2024 40:35


    When I began exploring my story, five objections kept coming up for me. These objections kept me stuck. In today's episode, I respond to each of the five objections. Objection 1: I should focus on the present and the future, not "dwell on the past.” Objection 2: Looking at my story is self-indulgent, introspective navel gazing; I should be focused on God and others rather than focused on myself. Objection 3: Who am I to judge my parents? Jesus says "do not judge.” Besides, I don't want to blame my parents. Objection 4: There's no point in looking at how my parents hurt me because they did the best they could. Objection 5: I can't change what's already happened, so what's the point of looking at the past?

    155 Why Engaging Your Story Heals Your Brain

    Play Episode Listen Later May 20, 2024 39:34


    My invitation to you today is simple: to take your story seriously. Engaging your story is the single most important thing you can do to experience healing. When I say "your story," I'm talking more about the individual scenes than the overarching narrative of your life. Your stories—particularly your stories of heartache or harm—have shaped your brain more than anything else. Which means that your past stories are shaping your present life more than you may realize. To support the podcast financially, click here. 

    154 What Grief Is, How It Heals, and the Pain of Loneliness with J.S. Park

    Play Episode Listen Later May 7, 2024 45:35


    In “As Long As You Need,” author J.S. Park writes that “Grief is not about letting go, but about letting in.” Letting in sorrow, letting in anger, and especially letting in other people who can be WITH us in our pain. This episode is about all kinds of grief—not merely the grief of losing a loved one. One of Joon Park's main points is that we often experience loneliness in the midst of our sorrow and pain. He says, “It is possible to be in a room full of people, but feel more lonely than if the room had been empty. It is to be unseen. Unseen by those close to you is in some ways worse than having no one see you.” 

    153 How Your Past Story Affects Your Present Sexuality with Jay Stringer

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2024 50:28


    I am joined today by author Jay Stringer to talk about sexual stuckness/difficulties/pain. Healthy sexuality is deeply tied to the degree to which we have made sense of our story in our family of origin. Sadly, so few of us have ever been asked to connect the dots between our past life story and the sexual difficulties we face in the present. Today, Jay and I try to connect some of those dots. If you want to understand your sexual story in more depth, please sign up for The Sexual Attachment Conference on May 4th. We want to help you understand and transform some of the unique sexual difficulties you may be experiencing either individually or as a couple. 

    152 Learning To Live Inside Your Body with Dr. Hillary McBride

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 21, 2024 39:22


    I am joined today by Dr. Hillary McBride to discuss excerpts from her new book titled, “Practices for Embodied Living.” Topics covered include: how to feel your feelings, being alive in your body (eroticism), and the story of your relationship to your sensuality and sexuality. Finally, I ask Hillary about her beautiful claim that we often find the Holy precisely in the places we were told not to look (including in our bodies).  

    151 What To Do With Desire and Dread with Mike Boland

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 31, 2024 41:02


    Pastor and counselor Mike Boland shares a story from when he was 15 years old. It's a story about the interplay of longing for connection and, at the same time, dreading what will be required of him in return. We talk about grooming, and the war of ambivalence that rages in one's body in the midst of abuse. You can find out more about Mike's work at therestinitiative.org.

    150 Trauma Heals By Connecting With Others

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 8, 2024 35:12


    The opposite of trauma is not "no trauma;" the opposite of trauma is connection. To be human is to be wounded. However, wounds heal naturally when the environment is right… and the right environment for healing is the empathic presence of another person. God made our brains and nervous systems to need one another. This is particularly true when it comes to engaging your story. You cannot engage your story alone. Sitting in your favorite chair with a journal, a Bible, a cup of coffee, and a good view out your window is not sufficient to heal your wounds. But the attuned presence of another human being can change your brain. 

    149 Why Listening To Your Body Leads To Healing Part 2

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 25, 2023 30:25


    Today I focus on two important ways that your body tells you things. The first is through your affect. Whenever your affect becomes dysregulated, your body is letting you know valuable information about your present environment… and about your past story. Dysregulation makes implicit memory known. And the second way that your body communicates with you is through impulses. Your body has impulses… impulses that it would like you to take more seriously than you probably do. Support the podcast.

    148 The Healing Power of Understanding Your Story with Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 11, 2023 39:00


    You have a story and that story matters. Your story in your family of origin significantly affects the way you think, feel, and act in the world today. This is why Dan Allender says, “It is time to listen to your story.” What if healing begins by listening to your story? By reflecting on—and engaging—the experiences in your growing up years, you can better understand why your brain has been shaped in the way that it has. These are the topics that Dan, Cathy, and I explore in today's episode. If you want to experience more of the healing power of understanding your own story, join the three of us in Atlanta, GA, on Saturday February 3, 2024, for the StoryWork Conference. The conference will be live streamed if you can't make it to Atlanta. You can register by going to adamyoungcounseling.com. CEU's are available for therapists. 

    147 Why Listening To Your Body Leads To Healing Part 1

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 27, 2023 32:53


    Your body knows things that your enskulled brain does not. Moreover, if you listen, your body will tell you important things—things that will help you heal. Your body is a truth teller. It is the trustworthy prophet from within. In today's episode, I explain why it's so important to listen to your body… and how to do it.  Support the show

    146 Triangulation and Misguided Hope with Matthias Roberts

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 13, 2023 36:30


    Friend and fellow therapist Matthias Roberts joins me today to share a very vulnerable story involving triangulation with his mother. How does an adolescent boy answer his Mom's questions about his homosexuality when Mom is disgusted by it? This is a story about Matthias' deep love for God… and the torment he felt as a result. We talk about Matthias' immense hope that God would “heal” his sexuality and how he came to feel God's blessing rather than shame. Support the podcast

    145 How Loneliness Affects The Heart and Mind

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 30, 2023 40:01


    Therapist and fellow podcaster Vanessa Sadler shares a story from when she was 11 years old. As children, all of us needed to belong—to feel “a part of.” If we did not receive sufficient attunement from our primary caregivers, we likely experienced high levels of loneliness. The dilemma is that it may not have felt like loneliness because it was such a normal part of your life. Vanessa talks candidly about her loneliness growing up, as well as how she came to experience significant healing from that loneliness. You can follow Vanessa on Instagram @abidinginstory. Support the show

    144 Embodied Sexuality and Religious/Sexual Trauma with Jenny McGrath

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 16, 2023 34:35


    I am joined today by therapist Jenny McGrath who is passionate about helping people heal from the damage of purity culture. One byproduct of purity culture is a disconnection from your body and a distrust of your body. If you feel shame about your body, or especially shame about your sexuality, this episode will hopefully help you. For those who want to dive deeper into these things, please consider signing up for Jenny's Embodied Sexuality course. You can use coupon code “PLACEWEFIND” to save $60 off the cost of the course.  Support the podcast

    143 Finding Home Again After Religious Trauma with Matthias Roberts

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 9, 2023 37:54


    Matthias Roberts joins me today to talk about his book Holy Runaways: Rediscovering Faith After Being Burned By Religion. Topics covered include: why belonging is so crucial for each of us, how to trust when you've been betrayed by others so many times before, and why it's hard to open ourselves to actually receive care when it is available. 

    142 Healing From Trauma: The Power of “Being With” Part 2

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 18, 2023 23:51


    We pick up with Curt sharing about Cora's experience in a story group. Specifically, we talk about about why Cora's intense bouts of panic were her body's way of saying “something is wrong and needs care and attention.” We also talk about a woman named Cheyney who experiences deep healing as a result of taking in the acceptance and embrace of other group members in the precise moment when she is feeling intense shame. This is how neural networks get rewired. This is how healing happens. We need other people.

    141 Healing From Trauma: The Power of “Being With” Part 1

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 4, 2023 33:30


    Curt Thompson returns to the podcast to talk about how we heal from trauma. In short, trauma and emotional pain begin to heal when our stories are witnessed by an empathetic other. Curt shares a story from his newest book about a woman named Cora, who is disconnected from her emotions and finds it very hard to receive care from Curt. Curt's newest book about suffering and healing is called The Deepest Place. 

    140 Trauma, Resilience, and Race with Jimmy McGee and Rebecca Wheeler Walston

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 21, 2023 34:03


    Jimmy McGee and Rebecca Wheeler Walston join me to talk about how they came to understand the importance of trauma and story engagement. If you want to engage your story in more depth, the Impact Movement is hosting an online event called Hope and Anchor Story Weekend. This zoom event will take place Sept 30 to Oct 1. You can find out more here.

    140 What If You Were Created For Connection?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 1, 2023 46:30


    Jenn talks about how she often felt excluded and on the outside during childhood—“I felt so far from people all the time. I felt so far from myself. I was always over-thinking, never in my body.” As she grew into adulthood, Jenn became opposed to weakness. However, something in her broke after having children and not being able to hold it all together. In today's episode, Jenn shares a story from first grade and links her childhood trauma to her adulthood struggles.

    139 Role Reversal: When A Child Becomes A Parent

    Play Episode Listen Later May 15, 2023 39:15


    I am joined today by my friend Rebekah, who shares a story from when she was six years old. Topics covered include: feeling like there is something wrong with you but not knowing what it is, self-doubt about how you see reality, difficulty trusting your gut, learning to listen to your body and to trust the information that it is giving you.

    138 How To Heal From Sorrow and Grief Part 5

    Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2023 45:20


    Fellow therapist Mary Ellen Owen joins me today to share her journey with sorrow. Like many people with trauma, it took Mary Ellen years to find her tears, years to befriend her sorrow. Although she cognitively knew that grief was necessary for healing, something within her said “hell no” to feeling the unfelt sorrow. In this final episode in a series on grief and sorrow, Mary Ellen shares how she came to befriend her sorrow. In the words of Fredrick Buechner, “Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are but, more often than not, God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go to next.”

    137 How to Heal From Sorrow and Grief Part 4 with Heather Stringer

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 17, 2023 50:30


    I am joined today by Heather Stringer, who has lots of experience creating rituals that heal. Heather begins by describing two rituals: one focused on recovering from sexual assault and the second focused on preparing for a double mastectomy surgery. Heather and I talk about why ritual is so unfamiliar to many of us, and the healing that occurs when we begin to move our bodies in particular ways, especially when others are present to bear witness to the ritual. 

    136 Engaging Another Person's Story: Why It's Important and How To Do It

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 3, 2023 46:28


    I am joined by Cathy Loerzel to talk about how to engage another person's story. Effective story engagement is not a magical skill that some people have and some people don't. It can be learned. Today we give a preview of some of the principles and tactics of effective story engagement. If you want to learn more, consider joining us on Saturday, May 13, for a zoom conference on How to Engage Another Person's Story. You can sign up here.

    135 How Your Story Affects Your Sexuality

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 23, 2023 43:39


    Jay Stringer joins me to talk about the relationship between our current sexual difficulties and our story in our family of origin. Sexual struggles are rooted in our stories—and, very often, our stories of attachment to our primary caretakers. As Jay puts it, “When it comes to sexual struggles, there are always two story lines at play: there is the story line of your present sexual struggles, and then there is the story line of your growing up experiences which set you up for those present sexual struggles.” If you want to explore your sexual story in more depth, please sign up for the Sexual Attachment Conference on May 5-6. You can sign up here. 

    134 How to Heal from Sorrow and Grief Part 3

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 13, 2023 25:55


    In order to heal from sorrow, we need to move our bodies as we participate in rituals of honoring and releasing our sorrow. A ritual is a sequence of bodily movements and symbolic actions performed with emotion and intention for the purpose of healing and transformation. By the end of this episode, I hope you have a good understanding of what a ritual is and why rituals work. And I hope you begin to develop an imagination for how to do rituals, what it actually might look like for you. You can perform a ritual by yourself. However, rituals are more powerful—and more healing for the community—when others are involved as witnesses to your pain.

    133 How to Heal from Sorrow and Grief Part 2

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2023 29:44


    This is part 2 in a series of episodes on how to engage our sorrow and grief in a way that brings healing. The focus today is on the four conditions needed to allow us to work with sorrow and grief. First, we need to own that our sorrows and griefs matter and should be taken seriously. Second, we need to gradually move from a posture of contempt toward our sorrow and grief to a posture of compassion and kindness and welcome. Third, we need to find a few people who can be the village for us… this will allow us to risk sharing our sorrow and grief with other people. And, fourth, we need to move our bodies in a way that allows for the integration and release of our sorrow and grief. 

    132 How to Heal from Sorrow and Grief Part 1

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2023 26:44


    For most modern people, the place we find ourselves is in a land where grief and sorrow are unwelcome. Most of us do not feel like the people around us can bear the depth of our sorrow and grief. And since we don't want to risk our sense of belonging—our sense of acceptance—we hide our sorrow and grief. But sorrow and grief are real. In today's episode, I identify some of the types of sorrow and grief that we all carry. Then I discuss the immense cost of denying our sorrow/grief and invite you to consider what it would look like to welcome your sorrow and grief and bring it into the light.

    131 Engaging Your Family of Origin Story with Dan Allender

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 4, 2023 46:18


    This episode is a joint release of The Allender Center podcast and The Place We Find Ourselves. We have all experienced hurt, abandonment, or disappointment at the hands of our parents or caretakers, whether it was intentional or not. So much of our beauty and brokenness — so much of what makes us human — is tied to our family of origin. In today's episode, Dan Allender and I discuss what it means to begin engaging the harm that we endured during our growing up years. Are we dishonoring our father and mother if we name the hurt we experienced growing up? Should we just “let it go?” If you want to learn more about how to engage your story in your family of origin, please join Dan and I for a 2 hour webinar on February 23, 2023. You can register here.

    130 But Then Something Happened

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2023 34:05


    I'm joined today by theologian and author Pete Enns, who also co-hosts a podcast called The Bible for Normal People. Although we talk about quantum physics at the end, the focus of our conversation is “What do you do when you experience something that calls into question your understanding of who God is and what God is doing in the world?” Pete calls these experiences curveballs, and he suggests that these experiences are good things that cause us to grow and mature in our faith. If you want to hear more about this topic, you can check out his recently published book Curveball.

    129 What Gets in the Way of Healing? Four Obstacles

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 16, 2023 30:07


    God created our hearts, minds, and bodies to heal. When the conditions are right, healing will occur. Therefore, it's important to clear away the things that block the right conditions for healing. Today I discuss four of the most common obstacles to healing: minimizing your story, spiritualizing the bad things that have happened to you, self-contempt, and the frenetic pace of your life.

    128 When Bible Verses Are Used Against You (or, Is Your Heart Really Trustworthy?)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 2, 2023 26:11


    Last year I saw an Instagram post asking people to share stories of Bible verses that had been used against them. The comments section was devastating. I read story after story of how the Bible had been used to do immense harm. The verse that was most frequently mentioned? Jeremiah 17:9, which says, “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” In today's episode I take a close look at what Jeremiah 17:9 is really saying. I also make some comments about what the Bible teaches concerning whether or not your heart can be trusted. 

    127 Trauma, Fragmentation, and the Soothing Certainty of Dogmatism

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 26, 2022 41:33


    Connections between brain regions lead to a healthy and stable brain (and a healthy and stable life). Trauma prevents these brain connections. This is known as fragmentation. In today's episode, I explain how trauma leads to fragmentation in the brain and why fragmentation makes you feel unstable in your day to day life. I then suggest that when we feel unstable, we are drawn toward theologies and worldviews that offer certainty. The fragmentation in your brain resulting from trauma can make you a very dogmatic person. Why? Because, as Dan Allender says, “The more certain you become, the less fragmented you feel.”

    126 When Neglect Is Not Really Neglect

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2022 45:46


    Pascale Wright joins me today to share a very vulnerable story from her childhood. The temptation is to view her story as one of neglect… but it's not. We cover a lot of ground today, including: Pascale's ambivalence about longing for care from her therapist and being afraid of his care at the same time, how our family of origin story plays out in the client-therapist relationship, how our family of origin story affects our relationship with God, and the mysteriousness of self-harm.

    125 Spiritual Wounding: What It Is and How To Heal Part 2

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 21, 2022 26:52


    Today's episode looks more deeply at the spiritual abuse KJ Ramsey suffered at the hands of Christian leaders. We begin by talking about the relationship that many Christians have with their emotions. Drawing from her story of spiritual abuse, KJ talks about the pull to silence parts of ourselves in the name of belonging. We each have a deep desire to belong… and the fear of exclusion sometimes keeps us bound to abusive people and harmful churches. KJ explains that when we are wounded by spiritual leaders, we often lose our ability to trust ourselves. If you want to hear more of KJ's story, check out her recently published book titled The Lord Is My Courage. 

    124 Spiritual Wounding: What It Is and How to Heal Part 1

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 7, 2022 35:19


    I am joined by KJ Ramsey to talk through her new book, “The Lord Is My Courage.” KJ explains why it's so important to be honest and clear about the ways we have been harmed, and how our bodies often reveal truths about our trauma that our minds are afraid to speak out loud. Gabor Mate says that “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.” KJ and I both love that sentence and share our thoughts about it. 

    123 Is Hope Reasonable?

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 24, 2022 38:45


    Many people with a history of trauma find themselves stuck. Stuck in a place of hopelessness about our own healing. It's this sense of “nothing significant is really going to change for me.” The present ordering of your life—the way things are—claims to be the final ordering of your life. Drawing from the book of Jeremiah, today's episode explores the question, “What if God is free to create a new beginning in your life that is underived from your present circumstances?”

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