Podcast appearances and mentions of jay stringer

Andrew is joined by our old friend Dan and our new friend Ruth as they share their stories of same-sex attraction and talk all about the realities of sexual temptation.  What helps us to avoid temptation? What about when we give in to it? And what can we learn from how Jesus faced temptation? Resources mentioned & related Meet the Authors #21 - Dan Reid I Used to Identify As a Sinner. Now I'm Learning Who I Really Am., Dan Reid Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, by Jay Stringer (see our book review here and listen to Jay on an episode of ‘The One Conversation' podcast here) How Can I Find Freedom from the Weight of Sexual Sin?, Dan Reid Handling Sexual Urges (Part 1), Jo Johnson Handling Sexual Urges (Part 2), Jo Johnson The Desires That Tempt You May Not Be Your Deepest Desires, Andrew Bunt What Are Your Desires Telling You? (Could It Be Something Different Than You Think?), Amy Riordan Getting God's Perspective by Andrew Bunt

Many of us have learned to live at odds with our own desires. Some of us follow them wherever they lead. Others try to suppress or manage them. Either way, desire can begin to feel like something we don’t quite trust. In this episode of the Unhurried Living Podcast, Alan Fadling sits down with therapist and author Jay Stringer to explore a more honest and hopeful way of understanding desire. Drawing from his book Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow, Jay helps us see how even our most confusing or unwanted desires can become pathways toward healing. Together, they discuss: Why desire can feel like a “civil war” within us How our stories shape the desires we carry The role of shame—and the invitation to curiosity How to discern the deeper longing beneath misdirected desire A simple next step toward healing and greater awareness This is a conversation for anyone who has ever felt conflicted inside—and wondered if there might be a more grace-filled way forward. Connect with Alan on LinkedIn or learn more about Unhurried Living programs on their website. Learn about PACE: Certificate in Leadership and Soul Care Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Welcome back to the second half of this powerful conversation with Jay Stringer. Building on the foundation of his book, "Desire,"Jay moves us deeper into one of the most provocative ideas of the conversation: Sometimes our desires must disrupt and even destroy something in order to make way for something more true. This isn't destruction for destruction's sake. Iconoclasm is the breaking of false structures, identities, and "provisional selves" that no longer serve us. And as Jay explores, when we don't have wise guides or meaningful rites of passage, that disruption often shows up as self-sabotage—affairs, addictions, burnout, or relational breakdown. But instead of dismissing those moments as failure, Jay invites us to see them as honest signals—clues pointing back to our story, our unmet longings, and the deeper work our soul is trying to initiate. Listen in to a conversation that is rich with story and grounded in research as they also explore: why community is essential for making sense of our desires (and why we can't do this work alone) how to interrogate your desires in a healthy, curious way—not with shame, but with wisdom and how our desires are often shaped by forces we don't even realize, yet can be reshaped over time Desire has the power to both build and break. The question is not whether disruption will come—but whether we'll have the courage, support, and curiosity to let it lead us somewhere good. Order your copy of Jay's new book, "Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow," now at: https://jay-stringer.com/books/ About the Allender Center Podcast: For over a decade, the Allender Center Podcast has offered honest, thoughtful conversations about the deep work of healing and transformation. Hosted by Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen, MDiv, this weekly podcast explores the complexities of trauma, abuse recovery, story, relationships, and spiritual formation. Through questions submitted by listeners, stories, interviews, and conversations, we engage the deep places of heartache and hope that are rarely addressed so candidly in our culture today. Join the Allender Center Podcast to uncover meaningful perspectives and support for your path to healing and growth. At the Allender Center, we value thoughtful dialogue across a wide range of voices, stories, and lived experiences. In that spirit, our podcast features guests and hosts who may hold differing perspectives. The perspectives shared on this podcast by guests and hosts reflect their own experiences and viewpoints and do not necessarily represent the views, positions, or endorsements of the Allender Center and/or The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Stream each episode, plus find transcripts, additional resources, and more at: theallendercenter.org/podcast To become a supporter of the Allender Center Podcast, visit: https://theallendercenter.org/2025/11/podcast-support/ If you and your organization would like to partner with the Allender Center Podcast, please reach out to Clay Clayton at cclayton@theallendercenter.org     

What if desire isn't something to suppress or fear, but something to honor and steward? In this two-part conversation, therapist and author Jay Stringer joins Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen to explore that very question through the lens of his new book, "Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow." From the very beginning, it was clear this topic couldn't be contained in a single episode. Dan arrived with 16 pages of notes—so settle in for a deep, expansive conversation that unfolds across the next two weeks. In Part 1, Jay traces the long personal and clinical journey behind Desire, opening up a deeper question beneath the surface of struggle and behavior: how do we learn to want well? You'll hear: Why desire often feels like a "civil war" within us How your family of origin can shape what you long for (and what you may have denied) The concept of the "provisional self"—and how it can both help and hinder you Why some of the patterns you want to escape may actually be clues to deeper healing Through personal stories, clinical insight, and thoughtful reflection, this conversation invites you to get curious about your desires—not to judge them, but to understand where they come from and where they're leading you. Be sure to come back next week as Jay re-joins us to explore the disruptive role of desire, the courage it takes to engage it, and how to grow it within the context of community. In the meantime, you can order your copy of Jay Stringer's newest book, "Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow" today:  https://jay-stringer.com/books/  About the Allender Center Podcast: For over a decade, the Allender Center Podcast has offered honest, thoughtful conversations about the deep work of healing and transformation. Hosted by Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen, MDiv, this weekly podcast explores the complexities of trauma, abuse recovery, story, relationships, and spiritual formation. Through questions submitted by listeners, stories, interviews, and conversations, we engage the deep places of heartache and hope that are rarely addressed so candidly in our culture today. Join the Allender Center Podcast to uncover meaningful perspectives and support for your path to healing and growth.   At the Allender Center, we value thoughtful dialogue across a wide range of voices, stories, and lived experiences. In that spirit, our podcast features guests and hosts who may hold differing perspectives. The perspectives shared on this podcast by guests and hosts reflect their own experiences and viewpoints and do not necessarily represent the views, positions, or endorsements of the Allender Center and/or The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology.   Stream each episode, plus find transcripts, additional resources, and more at: theallendercenter.org/podcast   To become a supporter of the Allender Center Podcast, visit: https://theallendercenter.org/2025/11/podcast-support/ If you and your organization would like to partner with the Allender Center Podcast, please reach out to Clay Clayton at cclayton@theallendercenter.org

Welcome back to the Restoring the Soul podcast with Michael John Cusick. In this episode, Michael sits down with licensed therapist, author, and researcher Jay Stringer for a deep and vulnerable conversation exploring the core desires that shape our lives. Together, they unpack themes from Jay Stringer's latest book, Desire: The Longings Inside of Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow.Over the course of their dialogue, Michael and Jay examine the five core desires: wholeness, personal growth, pleasure, intimacy, and meaning. They candidly discuss the traps of mastery and control, the importance of radical self-hospitality, and the crucial role of self-acceptance in loving others well. You will hear stories from Jay's clinical experience, thoughtful reflections on the nature of shame and transformation, and an honest look at how pleasure and intimacy can be both revealing and redemptive.Support the showENGAGE THE RESTORING THE SOUL PODCAST:- Follow us on YouTube - Tweet us at @michaeljcusick and @PodcastRTS- Like us on Facebook- Follow us on Instagram & Twitter- Follow Michael on Twitter- Email us at info@restoringthesoul.com Thanks for listening!

Desire is shaping your life more than you think. In this conversation, I talk with Jay Stringer about why desire often feels like a civil war within us and how our longings are deeply connected to our story - our wounds, our past, and the formation we've received. We explore five core desires that lead to human flourishing, how shame keeps us stuck, and why paying attention to what you want can become a roadmap to healing. This conversation will help you understand your desires, uncover what's beneath them, and begin to move toward a more whole, integrated life.Jay Stringer is a licensed mental health counselor, researcher, and speaker who helps people uncover the unexpected meaning hidden in life's hardest challenges. He is the award-winning author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing and lives in New York City with his wife, Heather, and their two children.Jay's Book:DesireJay's Recommendations:BeowulfCrossing the Unknown SeaConnect with Joshua: jjohnson@shiftingculturepodcast.comGo to www.shiftingculturepodcast.com to interact and donate. Every donation helps to produce more podcasts for you to enjoy.Follow on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Threads, Bluesky or YouTubeConsider Giving to the podcast and to the ministry that my wife and I do around the world. Just click on the support the show link belowGo to mennomedia.org to order the Anabaptist Community Bible. Use code SHIFTING for 20% off. Support the show

In this episode of The Union Podcast, Bryan and Bonnie Pue sit down with therapist and author Jay Stringer to explore the heart behind his powerful new book, Desire. Building on the groundbreaking insights of his previous work, Unwanted, Jay invites us to move beyond behaviour management and into a deeper, more honest engagement with the stories shaping our longings. For many, the conversation around desire—especially within Christian spaces—has been reduced to avoidance, suppression, or shame. But what if desire is not the enemy? What if, instead, it is a doorway into healing? Together, we explore why desire has been so widely misunderstood, how curiosity can become a pathway toward freedom, and what it looks like to hold both personal responsibility and compassion in tension. Jay unpacks how our sexual and relational patterns are often rooted in past wounds, and how paying attention to them—rather than numbing or controlling them—can lead to deeper transformation.Bryan and Bonnie also engage Jay in a thoughtful reflection on the life of King David, asking how we might understand even profound moral failure through the lens of desire, formation, and unmet longing. Whether you're wrestling with shame, confusion, or fear around your desires, this conversation offers a hopeful and grounded invitation: your story matters, and healing begins with curiosity, not condemnation. In this episode, we cover: • What led Jay to write Desire and how it expands on Unwanted • Why desire has been misunderstood in the Church • The limits of behaviour management and the invitation to deeper self-understanding • How curiosity helps heal what shame has distorted • Holding together repentance, responsibility, and compassionate self-examination • A fresh lens on King David's story • Practical first steps toward healing for those feeling stuck in shame. Learn more about Jay's work and find Desire wherever books are sold. https://jay-stringer.com @jay_stringer_ Dont miss out on The Called Conference on April 10th & 11th in Abbotsford, BC Register Here

What if desire isn't something to manage, suppress, or fix—but something that reveals who you truly are? In this episode of The Living Truth Podcast, Michael Cary sits down with Jay Stringer, therapist, speaker, and author of Unwanted and the brand-new release Desire, to explore the deeper architecture of desire—far beyond sex, behavior, or performance.   We talk about the provisional self—the version of us we learned to become in order to survive—and how many people unknowingly build their lives, relationships, and even their faith around it. Jay explains how desire exposes the gaps between who we are and who we were never allowed to be, and why unresolved childhood adaptations often propel people into crisis later in life.   Together, we explore: Why true intimacy requires differentiation, not fusion or performance What actually drives people into midlife, relational, or sexual crises How mapping your childhood helps you recover your true self Why desire is holistic—shaping identity, intimacy, meaning, and growth What real intimacy looks like beyond chemistry, compliance, or intensity For anyone navigating recovery, relational healing, or spiritual formation, this conversation reframes desire as an invitation—not a threat. An invitation to wholeness, honesty, and a life that no longer requires you to disappear to belong.  

In today's Episode Patrick shares the healing advice that he finds himself sharing most often with men who want deeper recovery in their lives. Including: The greatest gifts you can give to your loved ones is the most healed version of yourself Take Responsibility  Your betrayed spouse is not required to hold your emotions This process is a long one Read the book Unwanted by Jay Stringer Use the tools provided You can't microwave yourself to success   Unwanted by Jay Stringer: https://a.co/d/018CcrPJ   If you are a betrayed partner and would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql   Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com   Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners:  https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course     Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8    Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2    Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources  

What if everything you've been labeling as a problem — the addiction, the affair, the marriage that feels like a hostage situation, the career that's slowly killing you — is actually a prophet trying to get your attention?Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill sit down with Jay Stringer, psychotherapist, ordained minister, and author of Desire, for one of the most searingly honest conversations about human longing, emotional health, and the hidden roadmap inside every one of us.Jay spent years studying why people engage in unwanted behaviors — and what he found wasn't weakness or moral failure. He found desire. Vandalized, suppressed, and rerouted desire. And he found that healing the root — not just managing the symptom — changes everything.In This EpisodeWhy "just stop doing the thing" almost never works — and what to do insteadThe 5 core desires every human has (and why over-indexing on one destroys the others)The concept of the "provisional self" and why so many people wake up at 60 not knowing who they areWhat bells and albatrosses can teach you about the direction your life is asking you to goThe DMZs in your marriage — and why avoiding them is quietly killing your connectionHow symptoms are actually prophets (and what they're trying to say)Jay walks through the Core Emotion Wheel live — with stunning vulnerability about loneliness, sadness, and a midlife chrysalisAbout Jay StringerJay Stringer is a licensed psychotherapist, ordained minister, and author based in New York City. His first book, Unwanted, explored the hidden drivers of unwanted sexual behavior. His new book, Desire, offers a research-backed roadmap for developing a healthy relationship to desire across all five domains of human flourishing — wholeness, growth, intimacy, pleasure, and meaning. He holds a master's in counseling psychology and an MDiv from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology.SEO Keywordsdesire and healing, emotional health podcast, marriage communication, understanding your desires, unwanted sexual behavior, porn addiction recovery, identity and self-worth, self-sabotage meaning, mental health and marriage, relationship emotional intelligence, faith and therapy, midlife identity crisis, Core Emotion Wheel, connection codes podcast, Jay Stringer Desire bookResources & LinksGet the Core Emotion Wheel — Free ResourceBook a Connection Codes CoachJay Stringer's book: DesireJay's first book: UnwantedJay Stringer's Website: jay-stringer.comFollow Jay on Instagram: @jay_stringer_Take Jay's Desire Profile Quiz (from the book)Jay's Contact Page (Linktree)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"For too many people of faith, the only message about sex growing up was "Don't do it!" So many people had genuine curiosity about their sexuality, but nowhere to bring their questions and no one helping them steward it. As a result, many learned to either ignore an important part of them, resulting in a lack of ability to show up healthy in relationships; or to indulge it, substituting sex or porn for real connection. That's why we're so excited to have Bridgett Blood as our guest. Bridgett is a storywork coach who "helps Christian adults navigate sexual desire, dating, and boundaries with clarity, confidence, and deep connection to their values. With a background in ministry and emotional health," Bridgett finds "deep joy walking with people through the messy, beautiful intersection of faith and desire." (from her website)While it's sad and often surprising how many Christian younger adults struggle to bless their sexual selves, it's super encouraging that many voices (like Bridgett, Jay Stringer, Sam Jolman and other) are rising today to help them see what they've been missing, and how to engage their sexuality without indulging it in ways that compromise their beliefs. In addition to her coaching, Bridgett is the host of the Dating and Desire podcast. She lives in Nashville TN.#bridgettblood #desire #storywork #sexuality #hotandholy #coaching #gospel #sexualdesire #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversationBridgett's websiteDating and Desire podcast (Spotify)Dating and Desire podcast (Apple) Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

Brad Onishi sits down with therapist and author Jay Stringer to explore his new book Desire, a deep dive into how we form identity, intimacy, and meaning in a world shaped by shame and disconnection. Jay reflects on his upbringing as a pastor's kid immersed in evangelical purity culture, including harmful messaging around sexuality reinforced by spaces like Liberty University. Together, they unpack how teachings that equate arousal with sin create lifelong shame cycles, especially for young men, and how cultural artifacts like Every Man's Battle reinforced these patterns. The conversation introduces the concept of differentiation—borrowed from biology—as a key to healthy relationships, using the metaphor of a symphony to illustrate how individuality enables deeper intimacy rather than threatening it. From there, Brad and Jay broaden the lens to examine what it means to live a meaningful life in 2026. Drawing on thinkers like Annie Dillard and Albert Camus, they explore how meaning emerges not in spite of life's absurdity, but in response to it. They discuss the stories we inherit, the “provisional selves” we construct, and the midlife invitation to interrogate what we've been taught to value. The episode also tackles masculinity and vulnerability, arguing that domination and hyper-masculinity often mask unaddressed trauma, and that true connection requires risk and emotional honesty. Ultimately, they frame defiance—not despair—as the path forward: a refusal to believe our lives don't matter, and a commitment to building lives rooted in connection, purpose, and resistance to dehumanizing cultural forces. Subscribe for $3.65: ⁠https://axismundi.supercast.com/⁠ Subscribe to our free newsletter: ⁠https://swaj.substack.com/⁠ Order American Caesar by Brad Onishi: ⁠https://static.macmillan.com/static/essentials/american-caesar-9781250427922/⁠ Donate to SWAJ: https://axismundi.supercast.com/donations/new Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is fighting our desires, sexual or otherwise, a losing battle? Have we completely misunderstood what they are, and what they point to? How do we reclaim a Godly vision for them? Ben invites author, speaker, and Christian sex expert Jay Stringer back onto the show to talk about his new book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us, and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow. Pick up Jay's new book, HERE----------------------Ben has completely revised and updated his powerful book, Jesus in the Secular World: Reaching a Culture in Crisis—a must-read guide for anyone longing to reach those who may never step foot in a church. Packed with real-world insights and practical strategies, this book could be the breakthrough you've been searching for.Don't wait—get your copy today!Click HERE to check it out on Amazon.For more information, go to: jesusinthesecularworld.com------------------------Questions, comments, or feedback? We'd love to hear what you think! Send them to provokeandinspire@steiger.org, or send us a message on Instagram.Click HERE to receive news, thought-provoking articles, and stories directly in your inbox from Ben, David, Luke, and Chad!Click below to follow the regulars on Instagram!Ben PierceDavid PierceChad JohnsonLuke GreenwoodSend us Fan Mail.

In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we explore a radically different way of understanding desire in recovery, betrayal, and marriage. Rather than treating desire as the enemy, our guest, Jay Stringer, invites us to see unwanted behaviors as signposts pointing to deeper wounds and unmet longings.  Drawing from Jay's research with over 4,000 people, we discuss how fear-based restriction, shame-driven purity culture, and the pursuit of intensity often fuel addiction and emotional disconnection. We unpack how curiosity, compassion, and wholeness can help individuals move out of relapse cycles and support relational repair after betrayal.  For betrayed partners, we address how desire can go dormant—and how it can be reclaimed safely. We conclude by envisioning what “connected desire” looks like beyond crisis and where listeners can learn more in Jay's new book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow Resources: Check Out Jay's New Book! GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, meet writer and musician Alicia Jo Rabins, writer and lecturer Nir Eyal, and mental health counselor Jay Stringer. Tune in to hear how spiritual memoirs inspired Alicia Jo Rabins's writing, how Nir Eyal applied the practices outlined in his book to narrating his audiobook, and how Jay Stringer drew inspiration from his ancestors to write his book on human desire. When We're Born We Forget Everything by Alicia Jo Rabins https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/774429/when-were-born-we-forget-everything-by-alicia-jo-rabins/9798217174249/ Beyond Belief by Nir Eyal https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761993/beyond-belief-by-nir-eyal-with-julie-li/9780593852033/ Desire by Jay Stringer https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/742247/desire-by-jay-stringer/9798217064991/

Join us as we explore the profound insights of Jay Stringer, a psychotherapist and author, on desire, healing, and living an integrated life. Discover how understanding your desires and past can lead to transformation and a more authentic existence. Jay Stringer—is a licensed mental health counselor and researcher. For 15+ years He's helped thousands make sense of unwanted patterns and unmet longings and turn them into a path for healing and growth.His work equips you to read your story and form desire into your greatest ally. Jay is the author of two books,Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing and his latest book esire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow which offers a new framework for five core longings—wholeness, growth, intimacy, pleasure, and meaning—and shows how to form desire into a force that restores connection and purpose.  

This week Shae Wall dropped in to the studio for our interview with the Executive Director of Life Raft International Evette Rivera. Make sure to check out and support Life Raft International! JM's Album Of The Week: Asgeir - Julia Bradford's Book Club: Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal and Grow by Jay Stringer

Why are we drawn toward behaviors we don't truly want?In this powerful conversation, Dr. Greg Miller sits down with author and therapist Jay Stringer, known for his groundbreaking work on unwanted sexual behavior and sexual addiction. Together they explore one of the most important principles in recovery: curiosity.Rather than simply trying to stop behaviors like porn addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, or sexual acting out, this conversation invites a deeper question:“Why do I do what I do?”Jay Stringer shares how our fantasies, attractions, and behaviors are often messengers pointing to deeper stories, wounds, and unmet needs. When we approach these patterns with curiosity rather than shame, we begin to uncover the underlying narratives that shape our lives.This conversation offers hope for those struggling with sex addiction, pornography addiction, or unwanted sexual behaviors, as well as partners navigating betrayal trauma. True transformation doesn't come from suppression—it comes from understanding.Recovery begins when we become curious about our story.Send a text

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"Here is Part 2 of our conversation with Jay Stringer.Last week Jay released his book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow. Moving beyond the singular experience of sexual struggles found in his first book Unwanted, Desire offers a critically important opportunity to better understand the core longings created in every person. To see desire as good, part of how we reflect the image of God. To be curious about our experiences with desire - how it's been encouraged, discouraged, or even prohibited. Jay's book explores desire through the five core longings that show up in all of our lives: The desires for wholeness, growth, intimacy, pleasure, and meaning. Through better understanding our relationship to desire, we can live more fully the lives we were created to live.Jay lives in New York City with his wife Heather and their children.#jaystringer #unwanted #desire #storywork #sexuality #masculinity #counseling #coaching #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversationJay's websiteJay's books (Amazon)Holistic Desire website Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

In this powerful conversation, host Lantz Howard sits down with therapist, author, and New York City resident Jay Stringer, author of the award-winning Unwanted and the upcoming Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow.Jay shares vulnerably about midlife chrysalis moments, the "provisional self" we create to survive family dynamics, the cost of suppressing or blindly following desire, and how our deepest longings—sexual and beyond—can become roadmaps to healing rather than sources of shame.Key highlights include:Navigating marriage and dating in the intensity of NYC life; saunas, cold plunges, bookstore dates, and the longing for wild nature.How unresolved family stories shape unwanted sexual behaviors—and why paying attention to them leads to freedomThe difference between suppressing desire, indulging it, and intentionally forming itMidlife as a time to honor "loyal soldiers," bury outdated roles, and listen for what Jesus is invitingBecoming a person "worth having sex with"—differentiation, self-soothing, and bringing a whole self to intimacy (not just seeking validation)Practical invitations: Honor the "albatross" (current struggles/loneliness) flying over your life + rediscover the "bells" (moments your heart rang true)Whether you're wrestling with intimacy, purpose, midlife transition, or leadership fatigue, this episode offers compassion, clinical wisdom, and spiritual depth to help you stop surviving and start truly living.---Work with Lantz Howard at www.lantzhoward.com I help high-performers align identity, marriage, and vocation– so they can lead wholeheartedly with the purpose that flows from a sound mind and a healthy soul.

Welcome to another episode of Restoring the Soul with Michael John Cusick. Today, Michael is joined by author and therapist Jay Stringer for a deep and vulnerable conversation about his newest book, "Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow." Together, they explore the civil war of desire that shapes our lives—how our deepest longings birth both our greatest joys and our most profound heartaches.Jay Stringer shares how his personal and professional experiences led him to unpack the complexities of desire, discussing its impact beyond sexuality and touching on meaning, intimacy, growth, and purpose. The episode explores how our desires are formed, suppressed, or distorted—often by trauma, shame, and cultural influences—and why understanding these origins is crucial to transformation.Support the showENGAGE THE RESTORING THE SOUL PODCAST:- Follow us on YouTube - Tweet us at @michaeljcusick and @PodcastRTS- Like us on Facebook- Follow us on Instagram & Twitter- Follow Michael on Twitter- Email us at info@restoringthesoul.com Thanks for listening!

Send a textJay Stringer, licensed therapist and author of Unwanted, is back to talk about his brand new book Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow. Together, we unpack why so many of us — especially those from church backgrounds — were taught to fear and suppress our desires rather than develop them. We dig into enmeshment, the "provisional self," why differentiation is actually the secret to intimacy and a healthy sex life, and why low libido is never just a libido problem. If you've ever felt broken, empty, or like you don't even know what you want anymore, this conversation is for you.TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workAnd check out our Merch, or any of our courses!Give to the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko FoundationJoin our email list!LINKS MENTIONED: Get Jay Stringer's book DesireGet Jay's book UnwantedFollow Jay on InstagramSheila's book The Marriage You Want, and the video curriculum that goes with itSupport the showJoin Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!Check out her books: The Great Sex Rescue She Deserves Better The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Description:Many of us were taught that desire is dangerous—something to manage, suppress, or feel ashamed of. But what if desire isn't the problem at all? What if it's not just about sex or attraction, but about the places we feel most alive? Today, Jen and Amy sit down with FTL fan-favorite Jay Stringer, a licensed therapist and author whose work helps people understand the deeper stories shaping their desires—especially the ones we've been taught to hide, or silence. Drawing from his powerful new book Desire, Jay reframes desire not as a moral failure or impulse to eliminate, but as a signal worth listening to—one that points us toward what formed us, what wounded us, and what we are still longing for beneath the surface. Jay shifts the focus from behavior modification to understanding the story behind desire—for intimacy, success, escape, creativity, or belonging—shaped by early attachment, trauma, and unmet needs. The conversation moves from "What's wrong with me?" to "What happened to me?" turning desire from shame into meaning. This is not a conversation about labeling or fixing yourself. It's about understanding yourself—how your story formed you, and how listening to what brings you to life can lead toward freedom, wholeness, and deeper connection.  This episode also serves as the opening doorway into our Wilderness & Wonder series. In a season when many of us are navigating uncertainty—spiritually, relationally, or internally—this episode grounds us in the idea that exploration isn't aimlessness, but formation. That the wilderness can be a teacher. And that desire itself may be one of the quiet guides helping us stay awake, curious, and present as we learn how to live inside the questions. This is a gentle conversation, but it's also a brave one. And we're really glad you're here for it. Thought-provoking Quotes: “Desire is a navigational term from Latin that means ‘lack of a star'. I'm looking into the skies, trying to find this new direction. How do I get home in the midst of all this wandering, all this misery that I feel like I'm in?” – Jay Stringer “When did you last feel alive? When did you feel connected to your body, connected to others? That's the essence of desire that we're trying to get back to.” – Jay Stringer “The antidote to shame is really developing some curiosity for it.” – Jay Stringer Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Harper's Magazine | Who Goes Nazi? by Dorothy Thompson - https://harpers.org/archive/1941/08/who-goes-nazi/ Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow by Jay Stringer - https://amzn.to/4buLADD Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer - https://www.amazon.com/Unwanted-Sexual-Brokenness-Reveals-Healing/dp/1631466720 Annie Dillard - https://www.anniedillard.com/ Brené Brown - https://brenebrown.com/ Alex Honnold climbs Taipei 101 skyscraper without ropes - https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Living/video/alex-honnold-climbs-taipei-101-skyscraper-ropes-129537771 Bill Plotkin - https://www.animas.org/about-us/our-founder/ Awake: A Memoir by Jen Hatmaker - https://amzn.to/3LTorjM Stanzas from the Grande Chartreuse by Matthew Arnold - https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43605/stanzas-from-the-grande-chartreuse Jon Batiste - jonbatiste.com Sarah Bessey - https://www.sarahbessey.com/ Dacher Keltner, PhD - https://www.dacherkeltner.com/ Guest's Links: Website - https://jay-stringer.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jay_stringer_/ Twitter - https://x.com/_jaystringer Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/JayStringerUnwanted# Connect with Jen!Jen's Website - https://jenhatmaker.com/ Jen's Instagram - https://instagram.com/jenhatmakerJen's Twitter - https://twitter.com/jenHatmaker/ Jen's Facebook - https://facebook.com/jenhatmakerJen's YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/user/JenHatmaker The For the Love Podcast is presented by Audacy.  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sexual addiction is often treated as a behavior problem. Stop the behavior. Remove the temptation. Try harder next time. But what if the behavior is not the real issue? What if the patterns that bring shame, secrecy, and self-sabotage are actually revealing something deeper about the story you carry? This week on Win Today, therapist and researcher Jay Stringer joins me to unpack the anatomy of sexual addiction and unwanted sexual behavior. Drawing from research involving more than 3,800 men and women, Jay explains why these patterns are rarely random and how the unresolved parts of our past often shape them. We talk about why shame keeps people trapped in destructive cycles, why curiosity is often the first step toward healing, and why grief has the surprising power to reshape what we desire. Sexual struggles are not simply moral failures to suppress. They can become a roadmap that leads us toward the healing we have avoided. If you are stuck in patterns you cannot explain, if shame has kept you silent, or if you've tried to manage the behavior without understanding the story behind it, this episode will help you see why real freedom begins with honesty. Guest Bio Jay Stringer is a licensed therapist, minister, and researcher who helps men and women understand and outgrow unwanted sexual behaviors. He is the author of the award-winning book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, based on a multiyear research study involving more than 3,800 men and women exploring the roots of sexual addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. Jay is also the creator of the Sexual Behavior Self-Assessment and The Journey Course, a five-month program designed to help individuals identify and transform the deeper drivers behind destructive patterns. He holds an MDiv and a master's degree in counseling psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and completed post-graduate training under Dr. Dan Allender while serving as a Senior Fellow at The Allender Center. Show Partner SafeSleeve designs a phone case that blocks up to 99% of harmful EMF radiation—so I'm not carrying that kind of exposure next to my body all day. It's sleek, durable, and most importantly, lab-tested by third parties. The results aren't hidden—they're published right on their site. And that matters because many so-called EMF blockers on the market either don't work or can't prove they do. We protect our hearts and minds—why wouldn't we protect our bodies too? Head to safesleevecases.com and use the code WINTODAY10 for 10% off your order. Episode Links Show Notes Buy my book "Healing What You Can't Erase" here! Invite me to speak at your church or event. Connect with me @WINTODAYChris on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube.

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"For people interested in digging deeply into their stories and better understanding themselves and the unwanted behaviors that plague them, few people have been as helpful as Jay Stringer.In 2018, Jay's book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing invited readers to a new approach to unwanted sexual behaviors: one that begins by "listening to our lust." Jay encouraged readers to see their struggles as a roadmap to past harms and current hinderances to freedom.Now he's released his second book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow. Moving beyond the singular experience of sexual struggles, Desire offers a critically important opportunity to better understand the core longings created in every person. To see desire as good, part of how we reflect the image of God. To be curious about our experiences with desire - how it's been encouraged, discouraged, or even prohibited. Through better understanding our relationship to desire, we can live more fully the lives we were created to live.This conversation was too good to abbreviate, so we split it into two parts... the second half will be available Tuesday, March 10.Jay lives in New York City with his wife Heather and their children.#jaystringer #unwanted #desire #storywork #sexuality #masculinity #counseling #coaching #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversationJay's websiteJay's books (Amazon)Holistic Desire website Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

What if the desires you've been suppressing are not bad, but simply unrefined and underdeveloped? In this episode, Jay Stringer explores five core longings that drive us—and why we need to welcome them rather than try to conquer them or shut them down. You'll hear how desire is shaped by childhood experiences, pornography, and other forces—as well as how desire can be reshaped and resurrected.Jay Stringer is a licensed mental health counselor, researcher, and speaker who helps people uncover the unexpected meaning hidden in life's hardest challenges. He is the award-winning author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing and lives in New York City with his wife, Heather, and their two children. Learn more at jay-stringer.comBuy Jay's new book:Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and GrowGuest interviews do not constitute an endorsement. We encourage discernment—grab what's good, drop the rest.Support the showTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

Christa sits down with listener fave Jay Stringer, therapist and author of his brand new book Desire: The Longing Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow, for a conversation that bridges family systems, differentiation, and sexual intimacy in marriage. Jay breaks down how your family of origin shapes not just your attachment style but your sexual desire, why differentiation is essential for healthy intimacy, and how couples can stop triangulating their kids into their marriage. They discuss the family systems work that transforms your relationship in and out of the bedroom, how to work through attachment issues together as a couple, and why understanding where your desire comes from is key to healing and growth. If you've been doing family systems work and wondering how it connects to your sexual relationship with your spouse, this episode is a must-listen. Jay offers practical, research-backed insight into how we can grow in desire by doing the deeper work on our family patterns. Watch on YouTube! Get Jay's book and workbook here! https://a.co/d/00mubz6x Follow Jay on Instagram here! https://www.instagram.com/jay_stringer_/?hl=en Find Jay's website with his courses, The Journey, and more that Christa refers to in the episode! https://jay-stringer.com/ Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"Virtually any person of faith who has done work to understand their sexual story over the past several years has heard of JAY STRINGER. Jay is the author of the best-selling book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. With over 100,000 copies sold, many people have come to better understand how their stories impact their current struggles. Jay has a new book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow, available Tuesday, March 3rd. We're celebrating launch day with Part 1 of our conversation about the new book, and the much broader conversation of how we understand and bless our God-given desires.Episode 60 | Jay Stringer: Listen to the Voice of Desire, part 1 will be available Tuesday, March 3rd, with part 2 available one week later!#jaystringer #unwanted #desire #storywork #therapy #healing #addiction #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationSupport the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

In this conversation, Sathiya and Jay Stringer explore the concept of desire, challenging the common belief that it is a problem. They discuss how desire can be a source of healing, intimacy, and personal growth. Jay introduces his framework of five core desires—wholeness, personal growth, intimacy, pleasure, and meaning—and emphasizes the importance of navigating critical periods in life with intention and support from community and elders. The discussion highlights the diagnostic nature of desire and its role in revealing areas of personal development, ultimately advocating for a healthier relationship with desire as a means to flourish in life.  

On the episode this week: Nate and Aaron update on the video portion of the podcast. And Aaron gives up plaid for a shirt with a story. Nate and Aaron talk to Jay Stringer. Jay joins the 4 timers club, the current most frequent guest! Jay wrote a new book entitled: Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How we Love, Heal, and Grow. Jay's new book is a road map to understand identity and create a life you don't want to escape from! He shares the five desires we all need to be healthy, with lots of useful tips. Other topics discussed include female muscle worship, image management, interpretation, self-sabotage, and how “story” is not intimacy and connection. Links: Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How we Love, Heal, and Grow NEW Samson Community App (Apple store) NEW Samson Community App (Google Store) June 5-7, 2026 Italian/International Samson Retreat Oct 23-25, 2026 U.S. Samson Summit Send mail to: Pirate Monk Podcast/Samson House PO BOX 1656 Columbia, TN 38402 If you have thoughts or questions and you'd like the guys to address in upcoming episodes or suggestions for future guests, please drop a note to piratemonkpodcast@gmail.com. The music on this podcast is contributed by members of the Samson Society. For more information on this ministry, please visit samsonsociety.com. Support for the women in our lives who have been impacted by our choices is available at sarahsociety.com. The Pirate Monk Podcast is provided by Samson Society, a ministry of Samson House, a 501(c)3 nonprofit. To enjoy future Pirate Monk podcasts, please consider a contribution to Samson House.   App Store Samson Community App - App Store Download Samson Community by Samson House on the App Store. See screenshots, ratings and reviews, user tips, and more games like Samson Community. https://apps.apple.com/us/app/samson-community/id6749582016     play.google.com Samson Society - Apps on Google Play Brotherhood & recovery hub https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mightybell.samsonsociety&pcampaignid=web_share          

Join my Patreon community for extra episodes, chats, and bonus content. Jay Stringer joined me in New York City to talk about dealing with unwanted sexual behavior, trauma, sexual compulsion, and…. Apple Fritters. He has an incredible way of bridging the gap between theology, counseling, and clinical research —listen now and share your thoughts in the comments! Jay is a therapist, researcher, and author based in New York City. He's the author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing (100,000+ readers), grounded in a study of nearly 4,000 adults and used by clinicians and communities worldwide. His forthcoming book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow (Random House, 2026), offers a new framework for five core longings—wholeness, growth, intimacy, pleasure, and meaning—and shows how to form desire into a force that restores connection and purpose.Learn more at https://jay-stringer.com/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Join us as we kick off the new year with a casual and light-hearted chat about our favorite moments from the past year and exciting plans for the future! We dive into our marriage resolution guide, share personal highlights, and reflect on the growth of our podcast. Don't a special offer to the listeners + some secret news about what's coming in 2026! Watch the episode on YouTube!! Episodes: 217: Rubber up and Rub Her Up 220: The Why Behind This 230: Higher Drive Wife 239: Can Music Make Sex Better 243: Car Sex 249: Justin Whitmel Earley 256: Erin Walsh 264: Joey Odom  268: Jay Stringer 228: Level Up Your Sex Life Our Products: New Years Resolution Guide: NEWYEAR2025 for 50% off Practicing Intimacy Guide Resources: My Counselor Online: You get $25 off your first month when you sign up with our link ⁠⁠Join Unite & Ignite ⁠⁠ Want more from Kingdom Sexuality? Come hang out! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook Group⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Approximate Time Stamps: Introduction and New Year Plans- 00:00 Welcome Back to the Kingdom Sexuality Podcast- 41:22 Verse of the Day: 2 Corinthians 5:17- 83:61 Sponsor Break- 93:89 Light and Casual Episode Chat- 99:00 Marriage Resolution Guide Questions- 124:33 Favorite Episodes of the Past Year- 152:46 Year Highlights- 648:27 Marriage Resolution Questions- 814:03 Podcast Plans for Next Year- 1553:36 Year-End Reflections- 1837:56 Closing Prayer- 1957:86 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"RE-RELEASE. This episode originally released July 22, 2024.For men and women seeking recovery from unwanted sexual behavior, few people have been as influential or helpful as Michael John Cusick. Michael is a therapist,  author, and Founder/CEO of Restoring the Soul, a counseling practice that provides opportunities for life-changing breakthrough with licensed and experienced therapists. Their holistic approach creates an atmosphere of safety and grace where people can explore their relationships, identity, emotions, and spirituality.In 2012 Michael released the book Surfing For God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggles. It, along with Jay Stringer's book Unwanted, has been extraordinarily powerful in helping people discover what needs they are actually trying to meet when pursuing broken behavior. The book contains a story (that Greg and Michael talk about) that's part of the reason for our podcast's name!In early 2025 Michael released his second book, Sacred Attachment: Escaping Spiritual Exhaustion and Trusting in Divine Love. This book explores how an understanding of attachment theory can help tired and wounded Christians get "unstuck" in our relationship with God and experience the closeness he intended us to have with him.Restoring the Soul offers individual and group intensive therapy experiences, as well as a blog, podcast, and other resources.Check out Michael's links below, and PLEASE give us 5-stars and write a positive review wherever you get your podcasts!Restoring the Soul websiteRestoring the Soul podcastSurfing For God and Sacred Attachment (on Amazon)Training Session at Beeson Divinity School (2014)#MichaelJohnCusick #RestoringTheSoul #SurfingForGod #SacredAttachment #attachmenttheory #counseling #therapy #gospel #recove Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

This episode is sponsored by the Dwell Audio Bible App! Click here to get Dwell for 25% off! Join us and ‘press play' on scripture!  Please donate today at ⁠MercyShips.org/podcast⁠ Visit ⁠OmahaSteaks.com⁠ for 50% off sitewide during their Sizzle All the Way Sale. And for an extra $35 off, use promo code FUN at checkout. Tune in as the KS team interviews Jay Stringer to explore the profound impact of childhood on adult behaviors. Jay shares insights from his book "Unwanted," discussing how understanding our past can lead to healing and growth. You're in for a candid conversation that blends personal stories with expert advice! Watch the episode on YouTube!! Episodes: 211: Jay Stringers previous KS episode Resources: Unwanted book ⁠⁠Join Unite & Ignite ⁠⁠ Want more from Kingdom Sexuality? Come hang out! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook Group⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Introduction to the Kingdom Sexuality Podcast- 00:41 Guest Introduction: Jay Stringer- 01:05 Verse of the Day: Psalm 139:17- 01:14 Jay's Background and Work- 03:04 Discussion on Childhood and Behavior- 04:51 Jay's Journey to Becoming a Counselor- 09:22 Overview of Jay's Book 'Unwanted'- 13:34 From Shame to Curiosity to Healing- 16:30 Counseling and Childhood Influence- 24:41 Closing Prayer- 41:02 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you struggled with unwanted behaviors in your life, or know somebody who does? Are we making things worse by the way in which we try to stop?Ben welcomes back to the show Jay Stringer, who is a licensed mental health counselor, researcher, and speaker. Jay specializes in shedding light in areas of sexual brokenness, and why we do the things we do. They talk about our epidemic of loneliness, pornography, our attempts at sin management as a church, and why it simply does not work.Learn more about Jay Stringer HERECheck out Jay's book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way To Healing on Amazon HERE----------------------Ben has completely revised and updated his powerful book, Jesus in the Secular World: Reaching a Culture in Crisis—a must-read guide for anyone longing to reach those who may never step foot in a church. Packed with real-world insights and practical strategies, this book could be the breakthrough you've been searching for.Don't wait—get your copy today!Click HERE to check it out on Amazon.For more information, go to: jesusinthesecularworld.com------------------------Questions, comments, or feedback? We'd love to hear what you think! Send them to provokeandinspire@steiger.org, or send us a message on Instagram.Click HERE to receive news, thought-provoking articles, and stories directly in your inbox from Ben, David, Luke, and Chad!Click below to follow the regulars on Instagram!Ben PierceDavid PierceChad JohnsonLuke GreenwoodSend us a text

What does it mean to bring light to the darkest seasons of life and faith? In this deeply moving post-Father's Day episode, Mike Donehey, lead singer of the reunited Tenth Avenue North, shares the heart behind their new album “Learning to Trust.” As a social Type 4 married to a Type 2, Mike demonstrates the courage to go to those dark feelings, sit with them, and grapple with them honestly—both in his music and his marriage. The album, which explores “the midnight hour in a person's faith,” was born from personal family struggles, including his 12-year-old daughter hitting rock bottom with anxiety and his own journey of learning to trust God when you can't see the path ahead. Mike opens up about how their lead song “Running with You in the Dark” captures the essence of moving forward with faith through uncertain seasons, and how influences like Jay Stringer's work on sexuality and faith have shaped their music. Whether you're walking through your own dark season, supporting your spouse through difficult times, or learning what it means to trust when life feels uncertain, this conversation offers both vulnerability and hope, with beautiful songs and timeless truths to guide you through. Find the album here on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/0G3VRMNpInROdMyGAabE0t Find the band here: https://www.tenthavenuenorth.com/ Follow Mike with 300K others here on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mikedonehey/?hl=en Follow Tenth Avenue North on IG https://www.instagram.com/tenthavenuenorth/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, we delve deep into the intersection of mental health, trauma, and unwanted sexual behavior, exploring how our past experiences shape our present struggles. Our guest, Jay Stringer, shares powerful insights into the connection between unresolved wounds and their impact on mental health, offering practical guidance on how to approach healing with curiosity instead of self-condemnation. We discuss the importance of understanding our stories, how attachment theory influences our relationships and mental health, and how faith can play a pivotal role in the healing process.We'll explore why it's crucial to focus on the "why" behind behaviors, rather than simply trying to stop them, and how to break free from unhealthy patterns that keep us stuck. With compassion and curiosity at the core of the conversation, Jay offers valuable advice for anyone feeling overwhelmed in their healing journey, helping them take their first practical steps toward mental wellness.ResourcesJay's WebsiteJay's Book GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter)

Ben and Luke talk to therapist, author, and speaker Jay Stringer about his book "Unwanted". How can we as Christians address the epidemic of pornography with truth, grace, and love instead of shame, fear, and legalism? Listen to the full episodeSpotifyApple----------------------Do you ever struggle with how to share your faith with those who won't walk into a church?Ben has completely revised and updated his powerful book, Jesus in the Secular World: Reaching a Culture in Crisis—a must-read guide for anyone longing to reach those who may never step foot in a church. Packed with real-world insights and practical strategies, this book could be the breakthrough you've been searching for.Don't wait—get your copy today!Click HERE to check it out on Amazon.For more information go to: jesusinthesecularworld.com------------------------Questions, comments, or feedback? We'd love to hear what you think! Send them to provokeandinspire@steiger.org, or send us a message on Instagram.Click HERE to receive news, thought-provoking articles, and stories directly in your inbox from Ben, David, Luke, and Chad!Click below to follow the regulars on Instagram!Ben PierceDavid PierceChad JohnsonLuke GreenwoodSend us a text

Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community. I've walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I've seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey. Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing. On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross. Let's dive in. The Cross and Your Story of Healing We all carry wounds. Some we're acutely aware of, and others we've buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts. Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame. This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It's about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing. Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not Random One of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random. Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin. Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma. Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult. Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds. Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of Priming Jay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles: The Disengaged Family System: Parents were physically or emotionally absent. Your longing for connection was never fulfilled. When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known. The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System: Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you. You felt powerless and suffocated. Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment. Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn't about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It's about gaining understanding. Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, “You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place.” Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free. As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we'll finally change. But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred. Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity. Ask yourself: Why am I drawn to this behavior? What is the pain underneath my actions? What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved? When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain. The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward It Jay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love: Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it. If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away. Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power. Swim toward the shark of shame. Face it. Name it. And watch as it loses its grip on your life. Jesus Took Your Shame to the Cross This is where our faith becomes not just helpful, but essential. The world offers coping strategies, but Jesus offers complete redemption. He didn't just take your sin to the cross; He took your shame. Through His death and resurrection, we are invited into freedom. If you've ever felt like your past disqualifies you from God's love, let me remind you: Jesus knew your struggles when He went to the cross. He went anyway. He has already made a way for you to live in righteousness, peace, and freedom. This is the hope of Easter. The hope of the Gospel. From Crisis to Calling: Your Story Matters So often, the crises of our lives — the shame, the addictions, the brokenness — are actually invitations to transformation. Jay shared that in the absence of elders to guide us through rites of passage, our souls will create crises that force us to confront our identity and our wounds. Rather than run from the crisis, we can see it as a holy opportunity. Your struggle is not the end of your story. It's the beginning of a new chapter. When you engage your story with honesty and curiosity, you step into the redemption God has for you. You become part of His story of restoration — not just for you, but for others. Final Encouragement: There Is Hope for You Dear friend, this journey is not about perfection. It's about progress. It's about engaging your story with curiosity, leaning into the kindness of God, and walking the path of healing, step by step. Jesus took your sin. He took your shame. And He rose again to give you new life. This Easter, may you embrace the truth that resurrection is possible for you, too. You are deeply loved. You are seen. You are not alone. Happy Easter.   With love,   Belah & Team   PS - Check out Jay's book here: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing PPS - If you want to take the first step into freedom and healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call with us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “My husband and I lived parallel lives almost our entire marriage…The only thing he wanted from me in the relationship was sex. That was the last thing I wanted to give him because I was exhausted from trying to be the super mom and head of the household. This caused a rift in our relationship…After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling…Both of our counselors questioned if a form of sex addiction might be part of the problem. I dove into trying to learn everything I could about sex addiction. I joined a 12 step group for spouses of sex addicts. That program is about avoiding unhealthy sexual behaviors. I didn't even know what healthy sexual behaviors were. After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light”

I am joined today by author Jay Stringer to talk about sexual stuckness/difficulties/struggles. Healthy sexuality is deeply tied to the degree to which we have made sense of our story in our family of origin. Sadly, so few of us have ever been asked to connect the dots between our past life story and the sexual difficulties we face in the present. Today, Jay and I try to connect some of those dots. If you want to understand your sexual story in more depth, please sign up for The Sexual Attachment Conference on May 3rd, 2025. We want to help you understand and transform some of the sexual difficulties you may be experiencing either individually or as a couple.

What's your plan for outgrowing porn? The Five Circles tool will help you define what freedom looks like, why it matters, and how to set yourself up for success.Download the Five Circles Of Freedom worksheet at husbandmaterial.com/freedom Mentioned in this episode:Tools For Healing: The Three Circles (blog)Staci Sprout (creator of the Five Circles Model)How To Reframe A Porn Relapse (podcast episode)Unwanted, by Jay Stringer (book; paid link)The Five Circles Of Freedom (worksheet)Support the showTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

Shame: The Silent Thief of Identity | Breaking Free Through Christ Shame is more than a fleeting emotion—it's a force that erodes identity, distorts relationships, and keeps us trapped in cycles of self-doubt and self-destruction. In this episode of the Exploring More Podcast, Michael Thompson and SJ Jennings dive deep into the nature of shame, comparing it to cancer in the spiritual realm—silent, invasive, and deeply damaging. Through personal stories, expert insights from Brene Brown and Jay Stringer, and biblical truths, they uncover how shame often takes root in relational moments, shaping false identities and leading to self-protective behaviors. But there's hope. Jesus offers a way to break free—not through punishment, but through love, grace, and the restoration of our true identity. Join us as we unpack the systems that reinforce shame, the impact it has on our lives, and the liberating power of the Gospel to set us free. If you've ever wrestled with shame, this conversation is for you. Let's explore more together. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—we're on this journey with you! We hope you enjoy this episode and invite you to connect with us!

"Marriage can be heaven, and marriage can be hell." -Dan Allender Anyone who is married knows that marriage can reach the extremes of human experience, and sometimes even in the same day. It's the lab in which we grow personally, and where we grow together. It's also the place where everything can fall apart. Today Dan Allender of The Allender Center joins us to explore the transformative power of marriage, particularly in midlife. He talks about the deep work of understanding one another's stories, the role of trauma in relationships (even if you feel like you don't have any), and the necessity of dealing with emotional triggers. Dan is both funny and deeply inspiring. He is an expert at the top of his field, and also the first one to reveal and share what he is experiencing in his own imperfect marriage. You will gain insight into the complexities of relationships, the importance of change-agents in marriage, the dynamics of conflict resolution, and come to a fresh understanding of how fighting for marriage is deeply spiritual work. SOME THINGS YOU HEARD ON THE SHOW: The Deeply Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Healing, Intimacy, and Delight by Dan Allender and Steve Call Unwanted by Jay Stringer website-Dan Allender Quotes from the episode: 35% of divorces are "gray divorces," meaning they involve couples 50 years of ago and older. Our brains have the power to change, but only by engagement deeply within what we'll call our right hemisphere, our emotional portions. If there is not a fabric of forgiveness, then we are in deep waters without a paddle. Difference is where almost all conflict begins. 70 % of the conflict in marriage does not have a right answer. You grow in trust by the capacity to deal with conflict, not to resolve, but to a deepened understanding. And to a deepened understanding allows us to allow difference to continue to occur.but without either the fear or the judgment that's often there. I hope the sense of having work to do is kind of like, I get to put my foot on the neck of evil here. Hell no, I do not want something that has lingered in my body and my heart and my mind to continue to shape something of how I respond to the future. QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU RISE What part of your story can you re-engage with your spouse in order to work toward greater healing? Hint: think about what triggers you. What part of your spouse's story can you re-engage? If 70% of all arguments don't have a "right answer," how can you adjust how you've been approaching a conflict area with your spouse? The change agents Dan lists in his book are humility, honesty, kindness, curiosity, defiance, and an intention to bless. What one is most needed right now in your marriage? How can you "stand on the neck of evil" and push past a particularly difficult part of your marriage? LET'S CONNECT! Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend. Or message us on Instagram – we'd love to hear from you! Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthier

Tune into this very special episode where Kyle and his wife Samantha chat about the sex fast they did a few years ago. Was it helpful? Would they do it again? Listen now! Links from today's episode: Kyle's Sextimony (Episode 94) "My Husband Was Addicted To Porn" part 1 (Episode 96) "The Impact Of His Porn Addiction On Me" part 2 (Episode 97) Jay Stringer's Book: Unwanted 6 Pillars of Intimacy Book ⁠⁠Join Unite & Ignite ⁠⁠ Want more from Kingdom Sexuality? Come hang out! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook Group⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Today's guest Jay Stringer (known by some as "the porn whisperer") shares how your sexual struggles could be predicted by your untreated past trauma. You don't want to miss this incredible episode! Special thanks to Covenant Eyes for sponsoring this series on pornography! Use our code KS30 to get your first 30 days free! Links from today's episode: Covenant Eyes (KS30 for your first 30 days free!!) Arise Unwanted by Jay Stringer Unwanted Workbook The Journey Course @jay_stringer_ Jay-stringer.com  ⁠⁠Join Unite & Ignite ⁠⁠ Want more from Kingdom Sexuality? Come hang out! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook Group⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you've spent years wishing your sexual thoughts and feelings would go away, this episode is for you. Related resources:Unwanted, by Jay Stringer (paid link)How To Interpret Sexual FantasiesHow To Analyze Sexual FantasiesWhy We Sexualize Emotions...And How To Desexualize ThemTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

Parents, this episode is for you! Join Rachael Clinton Chen as she sits down with Jay and Heather Stringer to explore how to talk to your kids about sensitive topics like the body, desire, sex, puberty, and even pornography in ways that are kind and attuned to their needs.  Jay and Heather share the importance of parents first exploring their own stories around sexuality, as unresolved issues or patterns in our own upbringing can impact how we approach these conversations with our children.  In this episode, you'll find thoughtful discussions on attachment, body image, puberty, sex, and how to navigate challenging subjects like porn and sexting. Instead of having one big, awkward conversation, Jay and Heather suggest having ongoing, age-appropriate chats that feel natural and comfortable. The aim is to empower your kids to feel confident and informed as they learn about their bodies and desires, all within the safety of a loving and supportive environment. If you're looking to change the narrative for your kids around sex and want to create intentional, meaningful conversations, this episode is a great place to start. Please note that this episode contains discussions of sex and sexual development and may not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.  

We've got such a compelling interview with Lauren Rose from Called to Peace Ministries. She's telling her story--and it's a mesmerizing one--of what happened as her family got more and more into the Bill Gothard movement (and she was eventually one of the ones he allegedly abused, and was part of the lawsuit).But when you grow up feeling like your main role is to submit, are you even able to recognize abuse?Lauren tells her story of being in an abusive marriage, and how she eventually realized something was wrong and came out of it.(Also: at the beginning I quoted a Bible passage and said Matthew 18. I meant Matthew 15. Sorry!)Our Sponsor:The Kingdom Girls NIV Bible. Meet the women in God's story! Designed for girls, but honestly--it's awesome for every woman! And it makes a great Easter gift. The Bible includes beautiful photos and write-ups on every woman who is mentioned in Scripture. Finally, a Bible that highlights God's story for women.  View a sample of the Bible here!To Support Us:Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko FoundationAnd check out our Merch, or any of our courses!About Lauren Rose and Called to Peace:Called to Peace MinistriesFind Called to Peace on Facebook, including my interview on how Sexual Coercion is Domestic AbuseThings Mentioned in the Podcast: Our podcast with another Gothard Survivor, Emily ElizabethOur interview with Alyssa Wakefield, who grew up in a Gothard home and was groomed for abuse (Part 1, and Part 2).Our podcast episode 229 with Jay Stringer about Josh Howerton's wedding night adviceMy Twitter thread about Josh Howerton's "apology"The original thread that went viral, as well as a Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!Check out her books: The Great Sex Rescue She Deserves Better The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!Check out all her courses, FREE resources, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

I am joined today by author Jay Stringer to talk about sexual stuckness/difficulties/pain. Healthy sexuality is deeply tied to the degree to which we have made sense of our story in our family of origin. Sadly, so few of us have ever been asked to connect the dots between our past life story and the sexual difficulties we face in the present. Today, Jay and I try to connect some of those dots. If you want to understand your sexual story in more depth, please sign up for The Sexual Attachment Conference on May 4th. We want to help you understand and transform some of the unique sexual difficulties you may be experiencing either individually or as a couple.