Podcast appearances and mentions of david schnarch

Is there such a thing as a "narcissistic collapse" — or is it just another trend designed to keep you scrolling at 2 AM looking for answers to why your relationship is the number one source of your frustration? Tony answers an email from a listener who keeps seeing videos promising that 2025 will be "the year of the narcissistic collapse"—the moment when the mask finally falls off, and everyone sees the truth. Cosmic justice would finally be served, and he would immediately feel a sense of relief, and either his partner would now become the person he'd always dreamed of, or he would undoubtedly find his soulmate within minutes after the collapse. And they would ride off into the sunset together. Tony breaks down the email line by line and unpacks everything from emotional immaturity and projection, the danger of couples therapy with the narcissist, to the continuing trap of trying to give your partner an epiphany. But the real conversation is about what narcissistic collapse actually is — and more importantly, what it isn't. Here's what the internet won't tell you: A narcissistic collapse isn't a sign of their progress. It's a sign of yours. They're not collapsing because they've changed. They're collapsing because you have — and the system that kept them emotionally afloat is breaking down. In this episode, you'll learn: - Why asking "Am I the narcissist?" almost always means you're not - The difference between reactive abuse and actual instability — and why therapists often get it wrong - How your vulnerability becomes an "attack surface" in emotionally immature relationships - What the research actually says about narcissistic injury, decompensation, and collapse - Why your growth equals their loss of control — and your calm equals their panic - David Schnarch's theory on differentiation, and his Four Points of Balance that make real change possible - How to stop selling yourself on a destination of hope and start building the vehicle that will truly take you where you need to go If you've ever scrolled through narcissism content at 2 AM looking for answers, this one's for you. 00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview 00:38 Listener Email: A Muse for Self-Discovery 01:00 Defining a Muse in Everyday Life 01:55 Listener's Struggle: Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism 02:28 The Narcissistic Collapse: Fact or Fiction? 02:51 Listener's Background and Marriage Issues 03:30 Therapy and Self-Doubt 03:51 Emotional Immaturity's Impact on Vulnerability 04:06 The Epiphany Trap and Anxious Attachment 04:35 Couples Therapy Pitfalls 05:18 The Role of Social Media in Coping 19:45 Reactive Abuse and Emotional Safety 28:01 The 5-4-3-2-1 Countdown Technique 29:09 Understanding Narcissistic Collapse 30:08 The Origin and Impact of Narcissistic Injury 30:39 The Role of Boundaries in Narcissistic Collapse 31:21 Emotional Immaturity and Defensive Structures 36:13 The Process of Differentiation 37:51 The Importance of Self-Validation 38:26 The Narcissistic Collapse as a Sign of Your Progress 44:10 Selling the Destination vs. Building the Vehicle 47:12 The Reality of Transformation and Healing 52:10 Final Thoughts and Encouragement Women navigating emotionally immature relationships: come join Tony's private women's Facebook group. Men beginning your own emotional maturity journey: check out the Men's Emotional Architects group. Links in the show notes. Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group. And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.

Warum begegnen wir bestimmten Menschen immer wieder?Warum fühlen sich manche Verbindungen magisch an – und andere schmerzhaft?Und wie erkennst du, ob etwas wirklich seelisch ist oder nur ein altes Muster triggert?In Folge 2 unserer Reihe „Liebe & Medialität“ sprechen Kristina Sacken und Susanne Brückner darüber, wie du spirituell UND psychologisch verstehen kannst, was zwischen zwei Menschen wirklich passiert.✨ Themen dieser Folge:Woran erkennst du eine karmische Verbindung – und woran eine seelische?Warum ziehen uns manche Menschen an, die uns nicht guttun?Warum lassen wir Karma so schwer los?Gibt es „den einen“, oder begegnen wir verschiedenen Seelenpartnern?Was würde David Schnarch dazu sagen – aus psychologischer Sicht?Wie sieht die echte Lösung aus, wenn du dich schwer verliebst oder immer die Falschen anziehst?✨ Zentrale Erkenntnis:Karma triggert, Seele weitet.Karma will heilen, Seele will erinnern.Und echte Liebe entsteht dort, wo du dich selbst halten kannst, während du jemandem nahe kommst.✨In dieser Folge lernst du:Wie du klar spürst, welcher Mensch dich wirklich weiterbringt – und wie du dich aus alten Mustern lösen kannst, die sich wie Schicksal anfühlen.✨ Neu auf Spotify: Die Podcast-Reihe „Liebe & Medialität“In sechs Folgen sprechen Kristina Sacken & Susanne Brückner über Intuition, Bewusstsein und emotionale Klarheit in Beziehungen.Die erste Folge:„Darf ich meiner Wahrnehmung in der Liebe trauen?“

Lange Nächte, Winterzeit, Zeit zum Durchatmen – und vielleicht auch zum Nachdenken über das, was zwischen uns Menschen wirklich passiert. Warum wir so oft glauben, andere zu verstehen, und dabei doch an unseren eigenen Deutungen hängen. Es geht um das große Kommunikationsdilemma: „Ich denke, dass Du denkst, dass ich denke…“ – und wie viel Missverständnis in diesem kleinen Satz steckt.Ich teile mit Dir, warum unser Gehirn dafür gebaut ist, andere zu „lesen“ – und weshalb uns unsere Spiegelneuronen dabei manchmal in die Irre führen. Wie leicht wir aus Resonanz Projektion machen, aus Einfühlung Interpretation. Und was echte Empathie im Sinne von Carl Rogers wirklich bedeutet: sich selbst zu spüren, bevor man glaubt, den anderen zu verstehen. Außerdem verrate ich Dir meinen persönlichen Geheimtipp für schwierige Gespräche und Konfliktsituationen – eine kleine, aber wirkungsvolle Haltung, die jede Begegnung verändern kann. Und ich spreche über das Buch Brain Talk von Dr. David Schnarch, der erklärt, warum wir einander gar nicht so gut lesen können, wie wir glauben – und wie Nähe wirklich entsteht, wenn wir bereit sind, unsere inneren Landkarten immer wieder zu überprüfen.Dazu gibt's meinen aktuellen Film- und Buchtipp für lange Herbstabende: „Die Verteidigerin“ in der ARD-Mediathek – ein fesselndes Psychospiel über Manipulation und Macht – und „Deliver Me From Nowhere“, den Bruce-Springsteen-Film für alle, die sich in Dunkelheit und Musik zuhause fühlen. Mehr dazu findest Du auch im Leben Lieben Lassen-WhatsApp Kanal WERBUNGAlle Infos, Partner und Rabatte findest Du hier: https://linktr.ee/leben.lieben.lassen.podcastLINKS AUS DIESER FOLGE:Buchtipp: „Braintalk“, Dr. David Snarch „Die Verteidigerin – der Fall Belling“ . ARD Mediathek Kino: „Deliver me from nowhere“ geführte Meditationen von Leben-Lieben-Lassen Playlist (Spotify)CLAUDIA, LINKS UND RESSOURCENLeben Lieben Lassen WhatsApp-Kanal https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029Vb4cgUvLNSa297ConI3iWeitere Inspiration auf Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leben_lieben_lassen_podcast/Webseite & Beratung: https://leben-lieben-lassen.de/Alle Infos zu mir und meinen Angeboten: https://linktr.ee/Leben_Lieben_Lassen Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we're diving into something that can quietly wear down even the strongest relationships: the Two-Choice Dilemma, a concept from Dr. David Schnarch. It's what happens when you feel stuck between two hard options—like speaking up and risking conflict, or staying quiet and feeling invisible. It often shows up in marriage, especially around sex and emotional connection. Let's talk about how growth in a relationship isn't pain-free, and why it's so tempting to wait for a magical third option that doesn't exist. Instead, real change starts when you face your own discomfort, manage your own anxiety, and make choices that are honest even when they're hard. If you've ever felt stuck in your marriage, like you're doing the emotional work alone, or like every option feels like a loss, this episode will give you something to think about and some real encouragement to keep going.

Agradece a este podcast tantas horas de entretenimiento y disfruta de episodios exclusivos como éste. ¡Apóyale en iVoox! ¿Dónde está el límite entre el juego erótico y la herida emocional? 🤔 Una pregunta incómoda… y necesaria. Porque lo que a veces se vive como excitación, otras veces encierra una historia más profunda. En este episodio especial para fans exploramos el sexo con humillación desde una mirada terapéutica, emocional y simbólica. 🔍 Vamos a hablar de lo que excita, de lo que sana… y de lo que anestesia. Con ejemplos reales, reflexiones profundas y el enfoque de tres grandes potentes autores —Esther Perel, David Schnarch y Bessel van der Kolk—, exploraremos cómo esta práctica puede ser una vía de libertad… o una repetición inconsciente del pasado. 💥 Si alguna vez te has sentido dividida entre el deseo y la duda, este episodio es para ti. 🎧 Solo para oyentes que quieren ir más allá. Y si quieres que te acompañe en este camino de descubrimiento para sanar esa herida que necesitas simbolizar, reserva tu consulta gratuita en 👉 emocioteca.com/contacto. mi WhatsApp: https://linktr.ee/emocioteca Soy Mercedes Cobo, Psicóloga colegiada M-23793 😘 #PsicologíaDelDeseo #SexualidadConsciente #BDSMConsciente #RelacionesÍntimas #Autoconocimiento #TraumaYErotismo #HumillaciónErótica #DavidSchnarch #EstherPerel #BesselVanDerKolk #PlacerYHerida #PodcastDePsicología #MercedesCobo #ConsultaPsicológica Escucha el episodio completo en la app de iVoox, o descubre todo el catálogo de iVoox Originals

Send us a textPassionate relationships require more than love—they need the right psychological dynamics to keep desire alive. When couples come to me feeling more like roommates than lovers, they're often surprised to learn that their sexual disconnection has less to do with libido or attraction and more to do with unrecognized emotional patterns.The truth about passionate marriages might surprise you. While emotional connection matters, your sexual relationship operates with separate dynamics that need specific attention. Differentiation—maintaining your sense of self while being emotionally connected—creates the foundation for desire. As relationship expert David Schnarch explains, people who struggle with differentiation often resort to control tactics or emotional distance rather than healthy interdependence.Your sexual connection is also deeply influenced by context, as Emily Nagoski brilliantly explains. Desire isn't simply spontaneous—it's responsive to your environment and circumstances. This means transitioning from daily responsibilities to intimate connection requires intentional shifts in mindset, not just spontaneous attraction. Meanwhile, Esther Perel reminds us that "fire needs air"—eroticism thrives in the space between partners, requiring some degree of mystery and novelty to remain vibrant.The good news? These dynamics can transform with intentional effort. Start by reconnecting with what makes you feel alive and embodied, practice differentiation by expressing needs without controlling your partner, and prioritize whatever helps you transition into a sensual mindset. Build erotic tension through flirtation and novel experiences, and commit to regular conversations about your sexual connection.Sexual disconnection isn't a life sentence—it's an invitation to grow together. Remember that having differing levels of desire is normal in every aspect of marriage. With understanding and the right tools, you can rediscover the passion that may have temporarily dimmed and create a sexual relationship that's fulfilling for both partners.Have questions about your own relationship dynamics? Reach out to me directly—I'm passionate about helping couples move beyond roommate syndrome to rediscover true intimacy and desire.

Sex in marriage can sometimes feel imbalanced—one person initiates while the other holds the power to say yes or no, or one partner's needs take priority over the other's. But what if there was a way to create a deeper, more fulfilling connection? In this episode, we explore the concept of mutuality in marriage, a powerful approach where both partners' needs, desires, and well-being are valued equally. Drawing from Dr. David Schnarch's insights, we'll break down what it truly means to love well in a sexual relationship—not out of obligation or self-sacrifice, but through a balanced, collaborative connection. So, what does mutuality look like in the bedroom? And how can couples cultivate more of it? Tune in to find out.

Are you truly living in alignment with your values, or do the expectations of others shape you? How do you begin to define your own character when emotional immaturity and narcissism are at play in your relationships? In this episode, we dive deep into what it means to build a sense of character and integrity—especially for those who may have spent years putting others' needs above their own. Through stories, reflection, and therapeutic insight, we'll explore how a pathologically kind person can break free from people-pleasing patterns and begin to understand their true values and beliefs. Discover how character is not only about the values you hold but also what you're willing to tolerate or excuse in yourself and others. We'll unpack David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance to guide you in building a strong, flexible sense of self, showing how true integrity is about standing steady in your own identity, even when external pressures try to sway you. Join us to learn how you can move beyond external validation, live from your core, and start showing up as your authentic self in all your relationships. You find Riley Hope's "Not My Job" streaming information here: https://linktr.ee/rileyhopematlock 00:00 Introduction and Welcome 00:17 Listener Engagement and Social Media 01:13 Riley Hope's Anthem 01:38 Evander's Story Begins 02:32 The Social Club Dilemma 04:02 Sam's Concerns and Evander's Changes 06:35 Tony's Personal Reflection 11:48 Understanding Integrity and Character 17:51 Tom and Jerry: A Case Study 29:10 Navigating Relationships with Integrity 34:53 Navigating Integrity and Character in Relationships 35:18 Challenges for the Pathologically Kind Person 37:47 Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism 46:12 Pat and Chris: Real-Life Scenarios 53:31 Breaking Free: Strategies for Pat 01:01:31 Constructing the Crucible for Personal Growth 01:08:46 Final Thoughts on Integrity and Self-Discovery Are you truly living in alignment with your values, or do the expectations of others shape you? How do you begin to define your own character when emotional immaturity and narcissism are at play in your relationships? In this episode, we dive deep into what it means to build a sense of character and integrity—especially for those who may have spent years putting others' needs above their own. Through stories, reflection, and therapeutic insight, we'll explore how a pathologically kind person can break free from people-pleasing patterns and begin to understand their true values and beliefs. Discover how character is not only about the values you hold but also what you're willing to tolerate or excuse in yourself and others. We'll unpack David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance to guide you in building a strong, flexible sense of self, showing how true integrity is about standing steady in your own identity, even when external pressures try to sway you. Join us to learn how you can move beyond external validation, live from your core, and start showing up as your authentic self in all your relationships. You find Riley Hope's "Not My Job" streaming information here: https://linktr.ee/rileyhopematlock 00:00 Introduction and Welcome 00:17 Listener Engagement and Social Media 01:13 Riley Hope's Anthem 01:38 Evander's Story Begins 02:32 The Social Club Dilemma 04:02 Sam's Concerns and Evander's Changes 06:35 Tony's Personal Reflection 11:48 Understanding Integrity and Character 17:51 Tom and Jerry: A Case Study 29:10 Navigating Relationships with Integrity 34:53 Navigating Integrity and Character in Relationships 35:18 Challenges for the Pathologically Kind Person 37:47 Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism 46:12 Pat and Chris: Real-Life Scenarios 53:31 Breaking Free: Strategies for Pat 01:01:31 Constructing the Crucible for Personal Growth 01:08:46 Final Thoughts on Integrity and Self-Discovery

Have you ever wondered why your aging parent suddenly needs to arrive an hour early for everything? Or why, after knowing them your entire life, they suddenly appear to be trying to exert control and order at a level that you've never experienced? In today's episode of The Virtual Couch podcast, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes us on a fascinating journey through the human brain, starting with the incredible story of Phineas Gage - the man who survived an iron rod through his head and lived to tell the tale (though he wasn't quite the same person afterward). From there, he dives into something most all of us are impacted by, either directly or through someone that we care about - anxiety. But not just any anxiety - we're talking about why our caveman's brains are still trying to protect us from tigers in the parking lot and how this shows up differently as we age. Tony breaks down the fundamental differences between normal aging, dementia, and Alzheimer's in a way that finally makes sense. Tony then breaks down a listener's email about their father's increasingly anxious behaviors. Tony unpacks powerful tools for handling these delicate family situations. Tony introduces the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principle of psychological flexibility (think yoga for your emotions) and shares David Schnarch's “4 Points of Balance” to becoming more differentiated, which helps you maintain your sanity while staying connected to those you love. Tony explains Schnarch's 'crucible' as the transformative space where relationships grow or crack under pressure. Whether you're dealing with an aging parent, a challenging relationship, or just trying to understand why people do what they do, this episode offers the “why” behind our anxious and controlling behaviors and practical ways to navigate life's complicated relationships without losing yourself. 00:00 The Incredible Story of Phineas Gage 04:04 Introduction to the Virtual Couch 05:38 Listener's Email: Concerns About Aging Parent 07:40 Understanding Anxiety and Its Evolution 14:57 Distinguishing Dementia and Alzheimer's 17:33 Coping with Aging and Anxiety 24:50 Practical Advice for Managing Anxiety 24:59 Reframing Perspectives 25:09 Empathy and Understanding 25:25 Intentional Conversations 25:55 Meeting Halfway 26:12 Choosing Your Battles 26:54 Boundaries vs Ultimatums 27:12 Psychological Reactance 30:22 Differentiation and Emotional Autonomy 32:57 Four Points of Balance 38:30 Constructing Your Crucible 44:43 Final Thoughts and Takeaways To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course Please follow Tony's newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony's account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Infidelity—it's a word that can send shockwaves through even the most stable relationships. In our tech-driven world, the boundaries and expectations surrounding loyalty and commitment seem more convoluted than ever. Without clear communication and defined agreements, even the most well-meaning partners can find themselves entangled in misunderstandings and unanticipated crises. In this episode, we dive deep into the complexity of infidelity within contemporary relationships. We explore the importance of having candid conversations about monogamy and other expectations with your partner, guided by insights from experienced relationship experts. By examining real-life scenarios and discussing therapeutic concepts such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we aim to equip you with practical tools for handling betrayal. Additionally, we delve into the nuanced process of forgiveness, self-compassion, and the potential for growth and transformation that can arise from relationship challenges. Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist in Vermont who has been working with couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, and books, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists. Together with his wife Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer hosts the podcast “Couples Therapy in Seven Words.” His most recent book is "Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again.” Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 06:41 Dr. Bruce Chalmer's profound exploration of forgiveness and betrayal in relationships. 10:31 How infidelity's evolving definitions complicate relationship expectations. 13:52 What forgiveness truly means: Accepting reality without condoning actions. 23:29 Three steps to forgiveness. 34:01 Struggles with emotional connection due to trauma. 40:53 How attachment system impacts security and emotional responses. 47:15 Communication issues often indicate deeper underlying conflicts. 49:16 Why only one partner can be upset simultaneously. 55:16 Why assigning good or bad is often misleading. Mentioned Betrayal and Forgiveness (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) My Stroke of Insight (*TED Talks link) (video) Crucible Institute by Dr. David Schnarch (website) Intimacy & Desire by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Resurrecting Sex by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) ERP 110: How to Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs in Relationship ERP 015: Do You Have a “Unity” or “Journey” Mindset in Relationship? ERP 423: How to Transcend Trauma (And the Effects Experience in Relationship) — An Interview with Dr. Frank Anderson The Gottman Institute (website) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Connect with Dr. Bruce Chalmer Websites: brucechalmer.com | couplestherapyinsevenwords.com Facebook: facebook.com/drbrucechalmer YouTube: youtube.com/user/brucechalmer LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/bruce-chalmer-95ab70305/ Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/couples-therapy-in-seven-words/id1517231158 Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Who are you? How do others view you? And why do we care so much about what others think of us, especially when they probably aren't spending as much time thinking about us as we think they are? When they do think about us, they see us through their own lens. It's time to discover who you are. So, how exactly do you do that? Tony Overbay, LMFT, reads a heartfelt letter from a long-time listener, Jamie, who is struggling with issues in her marriage and recognizing patterns from her childhood that affect how she interacts with her spouse and children. Tony explores the concept of the 'Looking Glass Self' by Charles Horton Cooley, discussing how our self-identity is shaped by our perceptions of how others view us. He explains how these early experiences impact our self-esteem and relationships, using examples from listeners and clients. Tony introduces the modern-day concept of the 'reflected sense of self' from David Schnarch's theories of differentiation and provides practical advice on overcoming the need for external validation, forming healthier attachments, and developing a stable self-identity. Join Tony as he navigates these deep psychological concepts and offers insights into creating more emotionally secure and fulfilling connections. 00:00 Listener's Heartfelt Letter 02:31 Introduction to Episode 424 03:10 Exploring the Concept of the Mirror 03:29 Charles Horton Cooley and the Looking Glass Self 09:00 Real-Life Examples of the Looking Glass Self 16:16 Differentiation and Emotional Independence 16:57 Balancing Connection and Individuality 18:47 The Reflected Sense of Self 27:00 Understanding Identity and Self-Worth 27:55 The Role of External Validation 29:25 Parent-Child Dynamics and Conditional Love 30:53 Emotional Neglect and Its Impact 33:21 Attachment Styles and Emotional Support 40:13 The Concept of Shame and Guilt 46:26 Overcoming Childhood Wounds 49:35 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Send us a Text Message.Could you be trauma-bonded to a narcissist? Are you battling a strange mix of love and fear? Lisa Sonni joins me this week to discuss trauma bonds--an intense connection to another person that is very difficult to break. We think we feel love when it's based on fear. Learn more about how to recognize if you're trauma-bonded and why it's so difficult to leave. Become a subscriber and get the Podcast Extra exclusive conversation about WHY identifying and breaking a trauma bond is so difficult. substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse or https://ko-fi.com/kerrymcavoyphd- Two places, the same cost, and the same great content!Books Mentioned: The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes, PhDThe Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, PhDAdult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PhDRecovering From Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PhD (Appendix contains the 10 Emotional Bill of Rights)Resources Mentioned: Strong & Unstoppable Retreat for Women Oct 3-6Healing Strong 12-Week Group Coaching with Lisa and KerryDr. McAvoy's Toxic-Free Relationship Club1:1 Coaching with Lisa SonniFollow Dr. McAvoy!YouTube: @kerrymcavoyphdInstagram: @kerrymcavoyphdFacebook: @kerrymcavoyphdE-mail: hello@kerrymcavoyphd.comNewsletter: https://breakingfreenarcabuse.substack.com/ or https://ko-fi.com/kerrymcavoyphdWebsite: https://www.breakingfreenarcissisticabuse.com/Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., a mental health specialist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues. Her memoir, Love You More: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross, gives an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse.As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases at no cost to you as the customer.Start your healing after narcissistic abuse by joining Lisa Sonni and me for the Healing Strong Group Coaching, beginning August 22. Discover insights on gaslighting in relationships with Dr. Robin Stern on The Gaslight Effect podcast. Tune in for expert interviews and advice.Support the Show.

Tony delves deep into the DARVO technique—Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender—a common manipulation strategy often used by narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals to avoid accountability and shift blame. Tony explores the origins of DARVO, shares various examples, and introduces concepts like differentiation and David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance to navigate and manage emotionally abusive relationships. Learn how to identify and counter DARVO tactics and discover ways to improve emotional maturity and self-awareness in your relationships. 00:00 Welcome and Introduction 00:18 Understanding Acronyms 02:24 Introduction to DARVO 03:35 Breaking Down DARVO 05:52 Recognizing and Responding to DARVO 06:15 Introducing Pat and Chris 09:45 Differentiation and Four Points of Balance 25:48 Managing Stress and Anxiety 26:11 Changing Your Relationship with Thoughts 27:14 Calming Your Heart and Managing Emotions 28:09 Physical Reactions to Emotions 30:45 Grounded Responding in Relationships 31:12 Overreacting vs. Underreacting 33:08 Handling Criticism and Feedback 39:43 Meaningful Endurance and Personal Growth 47:02 Applying the Four Points of Balance 50:50 Conclusion and Final Thoughts Available NOW Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts. Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

We live in an age when the meaning and purpose of life are often less clear than ever before. An age when we're asking questions of doctors we should be asking priests - but few priests seem able to provide meaningful answers to today's spiritual seekers. Enter Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a Jewish psychiatrist whose pioneering work known as Logotherapy has helped millions of suffering men and women begin asking the right questions of life and finding answers that satisfy their souls.  In this series, we explore Frankl's book The Doctor and the Soul. Fr. Bill's guest and tour guide is Tom Lavin, a therapist, teacher, and friend who has studied Frankl's work for years and helped many addicts and alcoholics find new or renewed meaning and purpose in their recovery. This episode explores the existential meaning of love. What it is … What is it not … And how to find it in recovery. Show Notes: Links to Tom's website and his LIVE BETTER television series can be Accessed here.   https://contextualscience.org/tom_lavin_mft_lcadc_acata_live_better_psychoeducat Video of Viktor Frankl The Doctor and the Soul via Amazon: (Many used copies should be available)  Link to First Corinthians XIII  M. Scott Peck on Love https://apathlesstravelled.com/love-what-it-is-what-it-is-not-and-what-its-role-is-part-2/  Bill Wilson's article on Emotional Sobriety  The Sexual Crucible by David Schnarch (used copies)  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

In this episode of the "Stronger Marriage Connection" podcast, hosts Dave Schramm and Liz Hale are joined by certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman. They delve into common sexual issues faced by couples, focusing on sexual desire discrepancies and strategies for maintaining a strong marital connection. Jessa provides invaluable insights into reactive and proactive desires, the sexual avoidance cycle, and the impacts of pressure and expectations on sexual intimacy. About Jessa Zimmerman: Jessa Zimmerman is a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Sheworks in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of her therapy career, she has focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy. In her years of clinical experience, Zimmerman has treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. Her clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy. She specializes in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 pillar experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate. Zimmerman received her Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University andSex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors,and Therapists (AASECT). She has done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus onCrucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch. She is the author of Sex Without Stress; A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure. She is the host of the Better Sex Podcast and has appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. She is the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and founder of The Desire Spa, an online course for women with little to no libido. She is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Marriage.com, Business Insider, and Mind Body Green. She lives in Seattle with her partner. Insights: Jessa: One cannot fail in sex if they shift their mindset to view it simply as a source of pleasure and connection, without attaching to specific outcomes. By embracing this approach, sexual experiences can become easy and enjoyable, even if they differ from previous expectations or desires. The key lies in accepting and adapting to these differences, which opens limitless possibilities for enjoyment and satisfaction. Dave: Moods for sexual activity evolve over time, there is a contrast between the constant readiness (proactive mood) in early stages of relationships with the need to actively engage or transition into feeling ready (reactive mood) as time progresses. If couples only engaged in sex when both partners were spontaneously in the mood, they might seldom have sex. Love the concepts of reactive and proactive desire, and engaging physically can lead to a physiological response where the body releases dopamine and serotonin, aligning physical readiness with emotional desire. Liz: Sex is like going to a playground, we don't know how long we're going to stay. We're not sure what we're going to enjoy once we get there. But we are going to enjoy it. It's not about the outcome or the goal. Jessa Zimmerman Links: https://intimacywithease.com Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife Dr. Dave Schramm: https://drdaveschramm.com https://drdavespeaks.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642 Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the critical role of differentiation in personal development and relationship growth. Sharing the story of a couple, Lisa and Mike, Tony illustrates how unresolved childhood dynamics can lead to emotional stagnation and superficial interactions in adulthood. He delves into the concepts of differentiation and emotional maturity, drawing on the theories of psychologists Murray Bowen and David Schnarch to explain how individuals can maintain their sense of self while fostering deep, meaningful connections with others. Tony offers actionable insights on embracing individuality, managing emotional reactivity, and the importance of self-soothing for achieving a balanced and fulfilling relationship dynamic. 00:00 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: Introductions and Announcements 01:20 Unpacking Emotional Baggage: Lisa and Mike's Story 04:27 The Dynamics of Disagreements: Analyzing Conflict Patterns 07:40 Embracing Discomfort for Growth: A Therapeutic Perspective 12:59 Understanding Differentiation: A Deep Dive into Emotional Maturity 18:52 From Bowen to Schnarch: Exploring Theories of Differentiation 22:20 Applying Differentiation: Real-Life Implications and Strategies 24:20 Breaking Familial Patterns and Emotional Systems 25:00 The Impact of Parental Emotions on Children 27:05 Exploring Schnarch's Concepts on Differentiation 28:19 Applying Differentiation in Relationships 32:24 The Importance of Emotional Maturity and Self-Work 35:24 Navigating Relationship Dynamics and Individual Growth 39:47 Embracing Differentiation for a Fulfilling Relationship 43:22 Practical Takeaways for Personal and Relationship Growth To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course Please follow Tony's newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony's account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

In this episode, in recognition of this being episode 666, we go a bit dark and discuss the concept of normal marital sadism (a term coined by Dr David Schnarch), which refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage. We explore various examples of normal marital sadism, such as poking fun at and embarrassing a spouse, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of your spouse, and manipulating them to establish compliance or gain dominance. Our conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing our own capacity for cruelty and the need to address it in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage. Takeaways Normal marital sadism refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage. Examples of normal marital sadism include humiliating and demeaning others, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of others, and manipulating others to establish compliance or gain dominance. It is important to recognize our own capacity for cruelty and address it in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage. Denying the existence of normal marital sadism can lead to its prevalence and negative consequences in a relationship. On the Xtended Version ... What do we do about normal marital sadism? How do I address it? Get rid of it? Or, at the very least limit it's presence in my marriage? Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... AG1: Take ownership of your health this year with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at https://drinkAG1.com/sexymarriageradio The post Normal Marital Sadism #666 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Co-conspirator and friend of the podcast, Dr. K Hixson, returns to share some exciting news about a true labor of love.We've joined up to create The Kiln, a comprehensive supervision and training program for pre-licensed therapists in Oregon. The Kiln will also offer continuing education to practicing clinicians.This venture was born out of our mutual frustrations and concerns with the direction, trends, and tendencies in the current state of our field, and our deep dedication and commitment to our work.Today, we're going to get into why we are bringing an apprenticeship lens to postgraduate supervision, pushing back on current paradigms in trauma treatment, and how you can join our trainings or become part of our very first cohort.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why many grad schools and supervision programs fail to train great therapistsThe two fundamental philosophies that define our approach with The Kiln Why we teach exposure-based trauma therapies and push back on anti-exposure biasWhy therapists need to be able and willing to confront themselvesTrauma processing modalities that we are excited about working with and teachingLearn more about The Kiln:WebsiteLearn more about Dr. K Hixson:WebsiteLearn more about Riva Stoudt:Into the Woods CounselingInstagramResources:Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, Judith Lewis HermanBrain Talk: How Mind Mapping Brain Science Can Change Your Life & Everyone In It, David Schnarch

You know that feeling of growing apart from your spouse over the years, where intimacy and passion seem to fade into the background as life gets busy?In this episode, Robert and Sharla join Hailey Babcock of The Body Pod to provide a glimpse of hope in their discussion of rebuilding sex, intimacy, and friendship in marriage. They share from their own experience turning things around after a rough patch, and offer practical steps like establishing daily rituals, prioritizing quality time together, and learning each other's love languages to rekindle that closeness. Reconnecting at the deepest level will require developing self-awareness and emotional maturity to be truly vulnerable with your partner - this will allow intimacy to blossom once again.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch - https://a.co/d/4CPF8UkIntimacy & Desire by Dr. David Schnarch - https://a.co/d/4f6r0hI The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman - https://a.co/d/4Z4rsZI Everything Isn't Terrible by Kathleen Smith - https://a.co/d/9if0o30 MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️ https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Hailey Babcock:Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/haileyhappensfitness?igsh=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

When we come to the seemingly inevitable place in our marriage where the spark is just gone, is there a possibility of revitalizing eroticism and passion back into the relationship?ABSOLUTELY. There's a crazy myth out there that eroticism dies over time – like it's something that can't be controlled. But the truth is, you have a choice to rekindle that sexual desire and excitement.The key to reviving eroticism lies in coming alive within yourself and letting go of resentment, anxieties, insecurities, and self-doubt. These things are often overlooked as a source for a lost spark but will often be the root of disconnection in the bedroom.But by prioritizing great sex and being open to creativity and imagination, couples can experience a higher level of satisfaction and a thriving relationship. Tune in to get inspired about your next sexual encounter with your spouse.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch - https://a.co/d/4CPF8UkOrgasm Study - https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28213723/Women Masturbation Study - https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2011.628440The Hite Report: A National Study of Female Sexuality - https://a.co/d/4ZlBFOQ MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️ https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Do you shudder at the touch of your partner? Do you feel on edge and easily triggered lately?You might not even know where it's coming from – it just happens suddenly. And it makes having sex extremely difficult.If this describes you, you're not alone. Most couples will experience a sense of disconnection with their partner at some point(s) in their relationship. Life happens, people change, and negative anchors start taking deep holds in our mood together.In this episode, Sharla and Robert discuss a very simple but profoundly helpful exercise that could help you and your partner break the wall standing between you.Fifteen minutes is all you need.Need extra help reconnecting with your partner? Consider signing up for coaching. https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/apply-for-coaching In this Episode:The benefits of HuggingBenefit 1: Building connection and intimacyBenefit 2: Rewiring triggers (Negative anchors)Benefit 3: Regulating your nervous systemThe 15 minute exercise that rewires our connectionStep 1 - Calm downStep 2 - Stand face to faceStep 3 - Move forwardStep 4 - Get comfortableStep 5 - Quiet yourself downAnd so much more!Resources Mentioned:Hugging until Relaxed Exercise comes from “The Passionate Marriage” book by David Schnarch https://a.co/d/hvYyLuJ Ivan Pavlov's Theory of Conditioned Reflex: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470326/#:~:text=To%20test%20his%20theory%2C%20Pavlov,sound%20of%20the%20bell%20aloneMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

We revisit our main framework of everything we talk about on Passionately Married. What are our basic frameworks when addressing life and marriage? How do we approach the idea of growing up in marriage? In the regular version we cover Dr David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance. On the Xtended version … We explore the principles of passion and desire and how they play out in marriage and life. These are natural dynamics found in every marriage. Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... Factor: Get fresh, flavor packed meals ready in 2 minutes for 50% off when you use our code passion50 at https://factormeals.com/passion50. Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper with the conversation and content. https://smr.fm/academy The post Creating A Passionate Marriage #643 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

We revisit our main framework of everything we talk about on Passionately Married. What are our basic frameworks when addressing life and marriage? How do we approach the idea of growing up in marriage? In the regular version we cover Dr David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance. On the Xtended version … We explore the principles of passion and desire and how they play out in marriage and life. These are natural dynamics found in every marriage. Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... Factor: Get fresh, flavor packed meals ready in 2 minutes for 50% off when you use our code passion50 at https://factormeals.com/passion50. Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper with the conversation and content. https://passionatelymarried.net/academy

In deze aflevering is seksuoloog en psycholoog Ceryl Janssen te gast. Ceryl helpt mensen en hun seksleven in allerlei soorten relaties. Hij haalt zijn inspiratie uit het gedachtengoed van David Schnarch, een Amerikaanse seks en relatie -therapeut. Want waarom wordt seks minder in vaste relaties en wat kun je daar aan doen?Zie het privacybeleid op https://art19.com/privacy en de privacyverklaring van Californië op https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When you get married, it's easy to become consumed in the togetherness of it all. But can too much togetherness be a bad thing? What about too much individuality?If your path to “becoming one” has felt a lot like losing two selves, this episode is for you.Robert and Sharla experienced this early on in their own relationship. Their past experiences shaped their patterns in marriage, and between abandonment issues and subconscious manipulation, they were doing more harm to their relationship than good. They were counting on each other heavily to validate their individual self.But they were losing themselves in the process. And not taking any ownership for it. Putting so much pressure on the perfection of the other to make up the difference.And that's where differentiation comes into play. What is differentiation? The short answer is that it's the ability to balance attachment and autonomy. Becoming responsible for your part in the equation.Tune in to find out why well-differentiated couples don't need to control each other and how it can have a positive impact on intimacy, sex, and conflict resolution. “Most of us marry and subconsciously hope that we are locked into this validation system. Someone to give us all the validation that we ever wanted. To continue propping us up [...] to make us feel worthy, smart, and good about ourselves. Giving us this positive reflected sense of self.” - Robert“But, it's not real. It's a borrowed sense of self. And that makes it fleeting, that makes it fragile.” - SharlaIn this Episode:How your Coping Strategies might be affecting your marriageAre you lacking emotional and psychological maturity?What is differentiation and why does it matter?Developing a Strong Sense of SelfBorrowed Functioning: Are you dependent on external validation?What does it look like to be a well-differentiated individual?Debunking Misconceptions about DifferentiationThe Paradox of ControlBenefits of DifferentiationAnd so much more!Resources Mentioned:Book: Intimacy and Desire by Dr. David Schnarch https://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825305675 MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

For good and bad, our teens know what we are thinking, what makes us happy and sad, what stresses and overwhelmed us, our beliefs and values and much more.  They "track" our body language, facial expressions, all of our non-verbal communication and they create mental "maps" that predict how we will act and react.  These survival skills are what humans do between each of our "lanes" - it is how we predict where we are safe. In episode 163, listen to Heidi discuss mapping and tracking with Dr. Jennifer Finalyson-Fife, an expert in marriage and family relationships.  Hear how this relates to our teens, what they are mapping about us and how we can change the map if we desire. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family.   Below are links for books and courses mentioned in the episode: The book "Brain Talk" by Dr. David Schnarch:  https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Talk-Mapping-Science-Everyone/dp/154837153X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=J3IMBWGF3O8N&keywords=brain+talk&qid=1692129045&sprefix=brain+talk%2Caps%2C107&sr=8-1 To learn more about Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife:  https://www.finlayson-fife.com/ Room For Two private podcast with Dr. Finlayson-Fife:  https://www.finlayson-fife.com/coaching/room-for-two    

How do you see yourself? How do you see your partner? And how do you think your partner sees you? Decoding our sexual desire is the theme of this week's episode, as Sharla and Robert debunk the Hollywood ideas of what sex 'should' be like in a relationship.Together they get to the heart of what is required to maintain a deep, desire-driven relationship well into the years when cellulite and old age may traditionally start to impact the level of sexual desire for your partner that you would expect to have. Drawing on the work of renowned therapist David Schnarch, they look at the traditional drives of love and desire – Lust, Romantic Love, and Attachment – and then turn the spotlight on the all-important, less-understood 4th drive: your sense of self. The good news is that desire and attraction can get better as we age together in our relationships. Being secure and honest in who we are, appreciating the differences in the other person, and allowing yourself to be fully seen are just some of the ingredients to this as we learn that our own sense of self is perhaps the biggest driver of our sexual desire. Your chance to be fully seen and fully desired awaits. Please join us. "When you believe that sex always works naturally and easily – and then that is not your experience – it's easy to go down the rabbit hole of 'I'm defective' or 'There must be something wrong with me.'" ~ Robert Snow"There is always a ‘higher desire' partner and a ‘lower desire' partner." ~ Sharla Snow In This Episode:- Sharla shares her sexual education (confusion, shame, and trauma)- How desire drops when we think there is something wrong with us- What can go wrong when we satisfy our ‘lower desire' partner- The Three Drives of Love and Desire... and then a Fourth!- Understanding how our sense of self impacts our desire- What does having a 'reflective sense of self' mean? - 'Giving up or growing up': shifting our locus of self-worthAnd so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- David Schnarch Intimacy and Desire Book - Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship - https://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825306299/-

In this episode, I'm talking with my good friend, Nate Bagley. Nate has been a marriage researcher for over a decade. He talks about the challenges he's been facing in his own marriage and how the training he has recieved and taught over the years has really helped him navigate these challenges. Nate shares his favorite researchers including Dr. David Schnarch and Dr. John Gottman. We have both been trained in Dr. Gottman's 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work and have decided to host a workshop for couples who want to learn how this groundbreaking marriage research can help them develop the skillsets to deepen their intimacy and trust and create a truly meaningful connection. You can get all of the details about our upcoming workshop on March 31st and April 1st in Salt Lake City, Utah by clicking on this link:  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work-tickets-571932554667

This episode was previously recorded for the Healing Sols Podcast and has been refurbished here for your enjoyment. Natasha is joined by Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on this episode of Healing Sols Podcast. Dr. Finlayson-Fife was trained by the late Dr. David Schnarch so they discuss his methods and trainings, how he took what Murray Bowen taught with his Bowen theory and translated into the field of sexuality, and sex and anxiety. Natasha and Dr. Finlayson-Fife also discuss his 4 points of being well differentiated/balanced. For more on Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, you can visit her website:  https://www.finlayson-fife.com For more from Natasha, please visit: https://www.natashahelfer.com

There are many assumptions and myths about sexuality, especially regarding the differences between men and women. How does the objectification of women impact their sexuality, particularly their interest in sex? And what improves a couple's connection when it comes to sex? In this episode, we will be looking at some of the common dynamics that affect physical intimacy. https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/B08CPVQT5M/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2TI7BA8KS8IQ3&keywords=come+as+you+are+by+emily+nagoski%2C+ph.d&qid=1665442608&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIyLjAyIiwicXNhIjoiMS42NSIsInFzcCI6IjEuNzMifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=come+as+%2Caps%2C117&sr=8-1 (Come as You Are) by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279/ref=sr_1_1?crid=31VHNMMG11551&keywords=the+passionate+marriage&qid=1665442591&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIxLjAzIiwicXNhIjoiMC4yOSIsInFzcCI6IjAuNDMifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=the+passionate+marriage%2Caps%2C113&sr=8-1 (The Passionate Marriage) by David Schnarch, Ph.D. Isn't Having Sex My Right? Live Webinar Oct 20. https://strongerthanbefore.podia.com/isn-t-having-sex-my-right-why-sexual-coercion-is-abuse/vybt7 (Get your ticket here!) Follow me on https://www.tiktok.com/@kerrymcavoyphd (Tiktok), https://www.instagram.com/kerrymcavoyphd/ (Instagram), https://www.youtube.com/c/KerryMcAvoyPhD (Youtube) and https://www.facebook.com/kerrymcavoyphd (Facebook)! @kerrymcavoyphd Are you looking for community support after narcissistic abuse? Check out Dr. McAvoy's https://app.vibely.io/toxicfreerelationshipclub (Toxic-Free Relationship Club)! Want to read a true story of narcissistic abuse? LOVE YOU MORE: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross Availablehttps://linktr.ee/LOVEYOUMOREbook ( here )at the following online stores. And be sure to sign up for https://resources.kerrymcavoyphd.com/surviving-narcissism (Dr. McAvoy's 50 free Surviving Narcissism tips & exercises)! Consider https://ko-fi.com/kerrymcavoyphd (donating the cost of a cup of coffee) to support this podcast! More at https://resources.kerrymcavoyphd.com/ (resources.kerrymcavoyphd.com)

Two years ago, on October 8, 2020, my teacher, David Schnarch died suddenly.Anyone who knew Dave even for a few moments, could see that he had an arresting presence. Tall and broad-shouldered with high contrast, salt and pepper hair, strong features, and an electric gaze that, when focused on you, elicited the distinct and disarming feeling that he was looking into some dusty and hidden back corner of your soul.I have tried and failed to pay tribute to Dave before, but in this episode, I will attempt it again through my personal recollections of his work, and how his training and methodology impacted me and my practice.Content note: This episode contains somewhat detailed references to sexuality and mention of fertility treatment.Listen to the full episode to hear: How I first encountered Dave's work in the self-help section of a new age store Why I booked a flight to Germany for a training before even reading the book it would be based on The vulnerable, though anonymous, share that made me feel profoundly seen Learn more about Riva Stoudt: Into the Woods Counseling About Riva Instagram Resources: Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships, David Schnarch Brain Talk: How Mind Mapping Brain Science Can Change Your Life & Everyone In It, David Schnarch

Think about the last time you tried to figure out what someone else was thinking or feeling. Science says you were using a technique that allows our brains to communicate with one another without words. The ladies of The Wisdom Coalition https://www.thewisdomcoalition.com/ explore a book called Brain Talk by Dr. David Schnarch, an award winning clinical psychologist, which is about the brain's ability to make a mental map of another person's mind. Dr. Schnarch writes, “How you think and feel, what you desire, what you refuse to see in yourself (and in others), all this and more dramatically impacts those around you for better and for worse.“ Research shows the typical face has 42 muscles, and what we do with those muscles is unedited and involuntary, and so our faces give away what's in our minds without us even knowing it! Our discussion touches on what happens to someone's brain who has been through trauma and how we can positively influence another person with our own mind mapping abilities.

Think of today's episode as a primer for everything we talk about on SMR. What are our basic frameworks when addressing life and marriage? How do we approach the idea of growing up in marriage? In the regular version we cover Dr David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance. On the Xtended version … We explore the principles of passion and desire and how they play out in marriage and life. These are natural dynamics found in every marriage. Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... Better Help: Online counseling services accessible from anywhere. Save 10% on your first month https://betterhelp.com/smr Medcline: Get 20% off a clinically proven way to get rid of acid reflux and shoulder pain. https://medcline.com/smr The post Principles of Passion and Desire #591 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Think of today's episode as a primer for everything we talk about on SMR. What are our basic frameworks when addressing life and marriage? How do we approach the idea of growing up in marriage? In the regular version we cover Dr David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance. On the Xtended version … We explore the principles of passion and desire and how they play out in marriage and life. These are natural dynamics found in every marriage. Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... Better Help: Online counseling services accessible from anywhere. Save 10% on your first month https://betterhelp.com/smr Medcline: Get 20% off a clinically proven way to get rid of acid reflux and shoulder pain. https://medcline.com/smr The post Principles of Passion and Desire #591 appeared first on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Think of today's episode as a primer for everything we talk about on SMR. What are our basic frameworks when addressing life and marriage? How do we approach the idea of growing up in marriage? In the regular version we cover Dr David Schnarch's Four Points of Balance. On the Xtended version … We explore the principles of passion and desire and how they play out in marriage and life. These are natural dynamics found in every marriage. Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... Better Help: Online counseling services accessible from anywhere. Save 10% on your first month https://betterhelp.com/smr Medcline: Get 20% off a clinically proven way to get rid of acid reflux and shoulder pain. https://medcline.com/smr

Kirsten and Alexis are excited to share this episode, a conversation with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. During their conversation with Jennifer, the women discuss Jennifer's journey to become a sex therapist—highlighting important life moments along the way. Interwoven within the story are valuable concepts for any woman's life: +The ability to belong in a relationship is deeply connected with our ability to belong to ourselves. +The beauty of growing up in two different types of communities. +How the decisions of everyday interests can lead to something remarkable in our lives. +What partnership can look like with your spouse…and HOW Jennifer and her husband created their last name together. +The lecture she listened to by Dr. David Schnarch, which led to her connecting and learning professionally from him. +The stories we tell ourselves versus the actions we take. The need to self-confront. +The gift of differentiating and the challenge for some adult children to do so with their parents. +A SNEAK PEAK into her UPCOMING BOOK! +How her podcast, Room for Two, has impacted her as a coach. The list is long on subjects covered…and there is even more within the episode. Thank you for joining the conversation today. We hope you enjoy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Want to connect with Alexis and Kirsten outside the podcast? Find them on Instagram: Sharing Her Journey on Instagram Alexis on Instagram Kirsten on Instagram On Facebook: Sharing Her Journey on Facebook Alexis on Facebook Kirsten on Facebook ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a relationship and sexuality educator and coach, as well as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in Illinois with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Boston College. She is a frequent contributor about sexuality, relationships, and spirituality to blogs, magazines, and podcasts. You can find her on her own podcast titled, Room for Two. Room for Two on Apple Podcasts Social Media: Jennifer on Instagram Jennifer on Facebook Jennifer's Website

Have you heard the phrase “sex drive”? I'm sure we all have. But in truth, sex isn't a drive, it's a mindset. Why is this important? Because when we think that we need it, or should need it, it becomes a release rather than a way to get closer to our spouse. Listen to this episode to find out what a biological drive actually is, and why it is so important to know that if you don't want sex, you aren't broken. Sex is NOT a Drive Like Hunger, and Here are 2 Reasons This Fact Matters Come as You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch

Welche Bücher zum Thema Se✖ solltest du unbedingt gelesen haben? DIESE! In der heutigen Podcastfolge gebe ich euch meine zwei Top-Buchtipps im Bereich Se✖ualität und Partnerschaft. Und zwar: 'Die Psychologie se✖ueller Leidenschaft' von David Schnarch und 'Zeit für Weiblichkeit' von Diana Richardson Für alle, die nicht nur lesen, sondern auch praktisch üben möchten: Mein 'Explore Your Se✖'-12-Wochen-Online-Mentoring startet ab 21. September in die nächste Runde! Ich freue mich über jede Frau, die noch dabei ist und einen der letzten freien Plätze ergattert! ;-) Du findest alle Infos hier: https://kathrinismaier.de/explore-your-sex-live-online/ Du willst noch mehr???

Narcissistic abuse victims' biggest complaint is the confusion. They can't tell if they have partnered with someone who's good or bad. In this episode, we're going to explore what creates the narcissist's dual sense of self. https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279/ref=sr_1_6?crid=1O3J5MYTEWL6Q&keywords=dr+david+schnarch&qid=1657146499&s=books&sprefix=Dr.+David+Sc%2Cstripbooks%2C100&sr=1-6 (Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by Dr. David Schnarch) https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/elementor-landing-page-5431/ (NarcAvengers' Durham Meet-Up) Are you feeling trapped in a toxic relationship? Then this is the event for you! Come hear Dr. Milstead define cognitive dissonance and why it renders us helpless in this upcoming live event, "Why Can't I Just Leave?" August 18, 6:30 p.m. EST https://resources.kerrymcavoyphd.com/why-can-t-i-just-leave-how-to-break-free-from-a-toxic-relationship (Get your ticket) to the Cognitive Dissonance Live Webinar with Dr. Kristen Milstead! Are you looking for community support after narcissistic abuse? Check out Dr. McAvoy's https://app.vibely.io/toxicfreerelationshipclub (Toxic-Free Relationship Club)! Want to read a true story of narcissistic abuse? LOVE YOU MORE: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross Availablehttps://linktr.ee/LOVEYOUMOREbook ( here )at the following online stores. And be sure to sign up for https://resources.kerrymcavoyphd.com/surviving-narcissism (Dr. McAvoy's 50 free Surviving Narcissism tips & exercises)! Consider https://ko-fi.com/kerrymcavoyphd (donating the cost of a cup of coffee) to support this podcast!

This is part 2 of a discussion on the necessity of naming intentional harm. You can't heal until your brain has constructed an accurate and coherent autobiographical narrative of your life. Today I introduce the idea of antisocial empathy, which is a very important concept from David Schnarch's book Brain Talk. I also talk about how to heal when traumatic mind-mapping results in gaps in your memory.

Episode 100In this episode, we discussResilience to feedback, starting from the story podcasting experience Avrum had with a listener over emailHow do we present ourselves saying the things with looking for others to find value or agreement in it (looking for a reflection to define our own sense of self)The problem to limiting narratives and it effect on the realm of therapy (when leaders don't / can't say what they are thinking)The tension of being a public figure rooted in emotion vs thoughtfulBuilding a repertoire of people (authors, leaders, public figures) who have a process with which we trust and agreeThe role of curiosity in overcoming the fear or reliance of public opinionLove us? Or even just a like us? Find more [of Leadership] at...Our website ofleadership.comOn FacebookOn TwitterVia email at ofleadership@gmail.comAnd don't forget to subscribe to our podcast and leave a review!Our friends...Like the tunes? Check out JetlerCheck out Where Would You Like To Start by by Dr. David Freeman and Avrum Nadigel

Naming intentionality matters because if you are unsure about whether or not the other person meant to hurt you, it will be very difficult for you to heal from your wounds. This is because you can't heal until your brain has constructed an accurate and coherent autobiographical narrative of your life: the narrative has to be true and it has to make sense. Drawing from David Schnarch's book Brain Talk, I explain two important concepts: mind-mapping and traumatic mind-mapping. Mind-mapping refers to your ability to map out the thoughts and feelings of another person. Traumatic mind-mapping is a collapse of your brain's normal mind mapping abilities that occurs when you are mind-mapping someone and what you see is terrible.

The concept of validation is not a complicated one, but it is a huge part of how we show up in our lives and how we can understand how to better feel the love that we want for ourselves.   The way we seek validation will also help us understand how pornography has been playing a part in our self soothing process.  I am going to lean on Dr. David Schnarch's book “Passionate Marriage” for the definitions of these two concepts and then we are going to talk about what they mean in the context of pornography and marriage.  Other-validated intimacy involves the expectation of acceptance, empathy, validation, or reciprocal disclosure from our partner.   Self validated intimacy relies on a person maintaining their own sense of identity and self-worth when disclosing, with no expectation of acceptance or reciprocity from their partner.  our capacity for self-validated intimacy is directly related to our level of our ability to maintain a clear sense of ourselves when our loved ones are pressuring us to conform to their views, wants, or expressed desires.  It is the tangible product of our relationship with ourself.   So, let's talk about other-validated intimacy and how that might be keeping you from being successful in eliminating a pornography habit.  When we expect our partner to give back to us as much or more than we are giving them, we are engaging in what Dr. David Glover calls in his book, “No more Mr. Nice Guy” a covert contract.  This is our way of trying to get our partner to tell us that we are enough for them.  I used to do this all the time with foot rubs and back rubs for Darcy.  When I wanted her to reciprocate with sex or love I would do things for her to make it so she was supposed to give back to me.  I also did this with things like house work.  I would do everything so I could take off her plate any excuses she might have for saying no to me later.   I did this so she would validate me with sex.   This covert contract was about expecting something from her that she was not offering freely because she wanted to give it.  D – and when he would do this I would …. Tell your feelings about this here.  D – Give an example of how you would seek validation from me.  –  we never talk – this was a regular refrain, even when we had spent all day together the previous day.  I was seeking for Zach to tell me I was enough, accepted.  What we are doing when we seek other-validated intimacy is asking our partner to manage our sense of whether or not we are OK.   One of the reasons, that I believe men and women turn to pornography is that there is nothing we can't ask for that won't be given in that space.  It is almost a total free for all.  It is self-gratifying and other-validating, even when those others are not present physically, mentally, or even willingly.   This is just an idea that occurs to me, but it makes sense, at least from one position.  Pornography validates us regardless of how we feel and regardless of whether we are acting with integrity.  When we deal with real people, in real time, over real issues, we are constantly at risk of being rejected.   This is one of the central things that I believe makes pornography so appealing on a different level than just aroused by it.  Pornography never rejects us.  It never says that what we want is not available.  It never says, “I'm not comfortable doing that” or “I'm tired, can we just snuggle” or “I'm upset with the way you treated me” This is a counterfeit other-validation that is available at the tips of our fingers at all hours of the day and night.   Whereas, to be self-validated and to have self-validated intimacy,...

Disclaimer: Natasha originally recorded this podcast for her Healing Sols podcast. Natasha is joined by Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, who was trained by the late Dr. David Schnarch. They discuss Dr. Schnarch's methods and trainings, focusing on what he took from Murray Bowen, and the Bowen theory and translated into the field of sexuality, and sex and anxiety. Natasha and Dr. Finlayson-Fife also discuss the 4 points of being well differentiated/balanced.

More information can be found at www.socialchangeleaders.net “The only way forward is through, together” - Nichelle Smith It is February 2021 which in the United States is also Black history month. With humility and respect we do recognize Black history is actually American history. This month serves as a reminder of that history and the contributions Black Americans have made; many of these contributions under challenging and impossible circumstances, and many of them unacknowledged and unappreciated at the time and still today. This is not something we only must do during the month of February, but every month. This week, we wanted to do an encore of a previously released podcast focused on the work of Resmaa Menakem, a healer, author, trauma specialist and podcaster. In this episode Resmaa shares his thoughts and insights about racialization as pedagogy and white body supremacy. In our conversation, we dive into: Key concepts about the impacts of racism on black and brown bodies The concept of white body supremacy as the standard by which all bodies of humanity are measured and why white people must get comfortable with that term How black and brown bodies can be harmed when white people seek validation and comfort from people of color The recent work Resmaa has done with author and speaker Robin DiAngelo about identifying and combating White Fragility How current policies and procedures allow white body supremacy to multiply Why Resmaa believes white people must engage in a longer-term, embodied process of work and self study to transform as individuals to better address the dismantling of white body supremacy Why white people must learn to create their own culture to better hold space for discomfort when discussing race Resmaa's creative ideas about how to leverage technology and other innovative fields to support anti-racism work In this episode: Resmaa Menakem Robin DiAngelo Resmaa Book, My Grandmother's Hands, Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies “Black History Month 2021: The Only Way Forward Is Through, Together” by Nichelle Smith More about Resmaa Manakem: Resmaa Menakem, MSW, LICSW, SEP, has appeared on both The Oprah Winfrey Show and Dr. Phil as an expert on conflict and violence. He has served as director of counseling services for the Tubman Family Alliance; as behavioral health director for African American Family Services in Minneapolis; as a domestic violence counselor for Wilder Foundation; as a certified Military and Family Life Consultant for the U.S. Armed Forces; as a trauma consultant for the Minneapolis Public Schools; and as a Cultural Somatics consultant for the Minneapolis Police Department. As a Community Care Counselor, he managed the wellness and counseling services for civilians on fifty-three US military bases in Afghanistan. Resmaa studied and trained at Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute, as well as with Dr. David Schnarch (author of the bestselling Passionate Marriage) and Bessel van der Kolk, MD (author of the bestselling The Body Keeps the Score). He currently teaches workshops on Cultural Somatics for audiences of African Americans, European Americans, and police officers. He is also a therapist in private practice.

Natasha is joined by Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on this episode of Healing Sols Podcast. Dr. Finlayson-Fife was trained by the late Dr. David Schnarch so they discuss his methods and trainings, how he took what Murray Bowen taught with his Bowen theory and translated into the field of sexuality, and sex and anxiety. Natasha and Dr. Finlayson-Fife also discuss his 4 points of being well differentiated/balanced. For more on Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, you can visit her website:  https://www.finlayson-fife.com For more from Natasha, please visit: https://www.natashahelfer.com

On the Regular version of today's show ... Jessa Zimmerman joins me today to let the SMRNation know about our free webinar - How To Help Your Partner Want More Sex WITHOUT Feeling Pressure or Obligation  - on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 at 7 PM Central Time. Register for free by clicking here. Jessa also sticks around to answer some questions from the Nation. On the Xtended version (which is available to all today) ... Pam and I talk about the impact Dr David Schnarch has had our our marriage and my profession. Enjoy the show! The post Intimacy With Ease #489 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

On the Regular version of today's show ... Jessa Zimmerman joins me today to let the SMRNation know about our free webinar - How To Help Your Partner Want More Sex WITHOUT Feeling Pressure or Obligation  - on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 at 7 PM Central Time. Register for free by clicking here. Jessa also sticks around to answer some questions from the Nation. On the Xtended version (which is available to all today) ... Pam and I talk about the impact Dr David Schnarch has had our our marriage and my profession. Enjoy the show!

“One sick elephant doesn't stop a circus; so figure it out.” More information can be found at www.socialchangeleaders.net On today's episode we speak with Resmaa Menakem, a healer, author, trauma specialist and podcaster. Resmaa shares his thoughts and insights about racialization as pedagogy and white body supremacy. In our conversation, we dive into: Key concepts about the impacts of racism on black and brown bodies The concept of white body supremacy as the standard by which all bodies of humanity are measured and why white people must get comfortable with that term How black and brown bodies can be harmed when white people seek validation and comfort from people of color The recent work Resmaa has done with author and speaker Robin DiAngelo about identifying and combating White Fragility How current policies and procedures allow white body supremacy to multiply Why Resmaa believes white people must engage in a longer-term, embodied process of work and self study to transform as individuals to better address the dismantling of white body supremacy Why white people must learn to create their own culture to better hold space for discomfort when discussing race Resmaa's creative ideas about how to leverage technology and other innovative fields to support anti-racism work In this episode: Resmaa Website: here Robin DiAngelo Website: here Resmaa Book, My Grandmother's Hands, Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies: here More about Resmaa Resmaa Menakem, MSW, LICSW, SEP, has appeared on both The Oprah Winfrey Show and Dr. Phil as an expert on conflict and violence. He has served as director of counseling services for the Tubman Family Alliance; as behavioral health director for African American Family Services in Minneapolis; as a domestic violence counselor for Wilder Foundation; as a certified Military and Family Life Consultant for the U.S. Armed Forces; as a trauma consultant for the Minneapolis Public Schools; and as a Cultural Somatics consultant for the Minneapolis Police Department. As a Community Care Counselor, he managed the wellness and counseling services for civilians on fifty-three US military bases in Afghanistan. Resmaa studied and trained at Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute, as well as with Dr. David Schnarch (author of the bestselling Passionate Marriage) and Bessel van der Kolk, MD (author of the bestselling The Body Keeps the Score). He currently teaches workshops on Cultural Somatics for audiences of African Americans, European Americans, and police officers. He is also a therapist in private practice.

David Schnarch is a world-renown sex and marital therapist. Eli sits down with David and talks about his career and influence on the field. He discusses how failures led him to come up with the crucible approach, and the revolutionary idea that sexual problems are predictable and normal. He considers the essential qualities a therapist should have to effectively practice sex therapy, touching on how his own openness enables his work. David shares his biggest influences and makes a surprising prediction of the path of the next innovation in systemic therapy. Finally, he talks about his next project of utilizing brain-based therapy with high-risk couples.