Podcast appearances and mentions of dennis well

Side Jawn Season 2 Episode 17: Guess Who's Back??? Intro: Dennis: Welcome to the Side Jawn. I am your host Dennis the Ignoranthinkerspodcast Holmes, and I am joined by my co-host Sharon the Chocolate Girrrrrrl! (Say it right Dennis!) How you doing Chocolate Girl? Sharon: Tells how she is and how her week went. Asks Dennis how he is doing? Dennis: talks about his week. Dennis intro guest: (put your spin on it) We are excited about our show today so we gonna get right to it. Last week we brought back the Relationship Coach to give us more advice on relationships, and this week we are hyped to bring back the youngest NBA beatwriter in the game, and probably the best, I mean this dude has his finger on the pulse of the NBA especially when it comes to the Big Memphis Grizzlies, from Commercial Appeal, the one and only Damichael Cole! Welcome back man. Dennis: You were here last year in December and you had just really gotten started there in Memphis covering the Grizzlies and since them you are EVERYWHERE! Let the people know how this past year has been. Dennis: Anything happen that has surprised you in the journalism profession as far as covering the game or has it been pretty much as you expected it? Dennis: Now remind everyone what you were doing prior to making that transition to being on the Grizzlies beat. Dennis: In addition to writing for Commercial Appeal, aren't you on some podcasts or shows as well? What are those and when can we find them? Dennis: Let's look at the Grizzlies. Any new players that stick out this season so far or is it pretty much the same players making all the noise? Dennis: Ja Morant, do you see any maturity in his game, leadership, etc? Dennis turns it over to Sharon Sharon: Being in Memphis, you probably keep up with sports at the University of Tennessee right? I noticed your tweet earlier today talking about a few of their teams. What's going on with them? Sharon: I believe last time we may have talked a little bit about Ja Morant and his impact on the league even last season. Has Memphis now embraced him, or are you still seeing nothing but Elvis billboards all over the city? (Clarify if needed) Sharon: Do you believe Ja Morant is the future face of the NBA? Why or why not? Sharon: Of course recently you know about the Draymond Green incident where he punched Jordan Poole. What impact you think this may have on the team and its success if any at all? Have you ever seen anything like this amongs Grizzlies teammates? Sharon: Time for some way too early NBA predictions. Who is going to Eastern Conference Finals? Western? Who will be in the Finals? Sharon gives it back to Dennis for his final couple of questions. Throws it back to Sharon Sharon: 5 Star Shoutout - Ready? 1. Who is the greatest rapper alive? 2. Chicken: white meat or dark meat? 3. Who was the better player: Magic Johnson or Larry Bird? (I know they played before your time but you know the game pretty well) 4. Phillies or Astros? 5. Mike Tyson or Floyd Mayweather? Dennis: Well we've come to the end of another great show. Damichael Ice Cole you have any final thoughts? Guest: gives his final thoughts Dennis: alright Chocolate Girl your final thoughts. Sharon: gives her final thoughts and sends it to Dennis Dennis: gives his final thoughts and closes out the show --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/dennis-holmes/support

Side Jawn Season 2 Episode 16: Are You Happy? Intro: Dennis: Welcome to the Side Jawn. I am your host Dennis the Ignoranthinkerspodcast Holmes, and I am joined by my co-host Sharon the Chocolate Girrrrrrl! (Say it right Dennis!) How you doing Chocolate Girl? Sharon: Tells how she is and how her week went. Asks Dennis how he is doing? Dennis: talks about his week. We are excited about our show today so we gonna get right to it. Back again to bless us with his patience, understanding and knowledge, the Relationship Coach, Len Sturdivant! Glad to have you back Len. What you been up to since you were here last? Len: answers Dennis: Well let's get into these questions for the Relationship Coach. Why do people stay in unhappy relationships? What do people need to do to make unhappy relationships happy? Can you fix unhappy relationships? How do you know when you are stuck in an unhappy relationship? Long Distance Relationships: Do you recommend them? How do you make them work? Does the new technology (Zoom/Facetime) help keep it together? Online Dating: Who would you recommend do online dating? Is it real? How can you cut through the fakers? Advice. Dennis: TIME TO READ THE LETTER CHOCOLATE GIRL We have conversation about the letter, what he thinks, what we think. Dennis: Well we've come to the end of another great show. Len you have any final thoughts? Len: gives his final thoughts Dennis: alright Chocolate Girl your final thoughts. Sharon: Mentions we are looking for people willing to come on The Side Jawn and have an honest discussion about race. We need black, white, all races and gender of people. If you are interested, please go to the Side Jawn Facebook page and message the page. Sharon gives final thoughts. Throws it back to Dennis. Dennis: gives his final thoughts, thanks the people, mentions Talkurish Tuesday and join us each and every Saturday for The Side Jawn and closes out. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/dennis-holmes/support

Bio Hi, I'm Chef Dennis, and Welcome to my Culinary Journey! I am the writer, photographer, recipe developer, and creator of Ask Chef Dennis® and hope you'll enjoy my easy and delicious restaurant-style recipes & travel adventures. My aim to help you understand that cooking delicious restaurant-style meals in your home is not as difficult as you think. I'm here to help you create deliciousness in your kitchen without taking hours to do so or using difficult-to-find ingredients. After all, I don't have all day to spend in the kitchen why should I expect anyone else to. The meals I help you create in your kitchen will bring smiles to your table and help you save money on dining out. And that's a win-win in my book! The biggest plus to cooking at home is controlling your ingredients. You never have to worry about what the restaurants, fast food, and takeout places use in the food they serve you. Travel is my latest passion, and I've been fortunate enough to enjoy trips worldwide and write about my adventures. I love to take you along on the trips, sharing my unique brand of Culinary Travel with you and inspiring you to get out and see the world. Blog: ASKCHEFDENNIS.COM This episode is sponsored by Culinary Historians of Northern California, a Bay Area educational group dedicated to the study of food, drink, and culture in human history. To learn more about this organization and their work, please visit their website at www.chnorcal.org If you follow my podcast and enjoy it, I'm on @buymeacoffee. If you like my work, you can buy me a coffee and share your thoughts

TranscriptSushant: Hello, and welcome to India Speak, a podcast by the Center for Policy Research. I am Sushant Singh, senior fellow at CPR. This is the second episode of our series featuring leading experts and academics, on the many facets of Sino-India relations. Some of them will be looking at the historical side of things, while others will focus on the strategic facets. Today, we will be discussing the military aspects, looking at the China's People Liberation Army, and what it means for India and to do that our guest today is Dennis Blasko, an independent analyst, and former senior Military fellow at the National Defense University in Washington DC, a retired Lieutenant Colonel of the US Army with 23 years of service as a Military Intelligence Officer, and foreign area officer specializing in China. He has served at the Defense Intelligence Agency and office of Special Operations. From 1992 to 1996 he was an Army Attache in Beijing and Hong Kong. Dennis has written numerous articles, and book chapters on the Chinese Military, including his book “The Chinese Army Today, Tradition and Transformation for the 21st century”, which remains an essential reading even after more than 15 years. Dennis, welcome to India Speak.Dennis: Thank you very much for the invitation.Sushant: Let me begin with your book Dennis where you explained who forms the PLA, what it is, what it is not, where exactly is the People's Liberation Army, how will it fight, what its doctrine is, what equipment it uses, how it trains, and how it interacts with the larger society. Essentially your book argues that the PLA is an Army of the revolution, it owes its loyalty to the party, and political guidance plays an important part in the professional character of the Chinese Military. What is the best way to explain the uniqueness of the PLA and the differences that it has vis-a- a-vis militaries from other democratic states, like the United States, United Kingdom, France, and even India for that matter?Dennis: Well, Thank you. The PLA is definitely a political Army. However, I would say for the past 30-40 years it's been less and less of a revolutionary Army, and becoming much more professional as it has modernised since its last war, last major conflict in 1979. But the main point is that it remains an arm of the Chinese Communist Party, and they have huge infrastructure and personnel to maintain that party control over the Army. However, over the past four decades of modernisation, it has become much more professional and modernised in terms of its equipment and doctrine.Sushant: So, would it be fair to say that PLA is an untested army? Having fought the last war against Vietnam in 1979, four decades ago. I ask this because many people consider this as the weakness of the PLA, especially after the recent theaterisation under the tenure of President Xi, about 7-8 years ago, pointing out that this military has not been tested at all.Dennis:Right. It hasn't been tested in actual combat, since the 1979 war, but it is important to understand the situation in Ladakh, in Aksai Chin, that for most of the 80s, there was a low-level border conflict simmering on the Sino-Vietnamese border. During that time, they rotated its troops in and out for many years from all over the country to get some experience getting shot at. What is happening today at Aksai Chin, South China Sea, East China Sea is similar to that, but without as much gunfire and actual conflict. The whole point of these deployments and activities is to pursue national objectives, given to the PLA from the Chinese Communist Party and the government. While it hasn't been a part of a major conflict, it is trying its best to remain relevant through various deployments and training. It continues to constantly improve training over the last couple decades with the type training it undertakes. It's not tested in actual conflict, but some of the things that we often think may be a problem such as the relationship of the commander to the political commissars or instructors might have been worked out as the situation seems to be in place for decades. I think they look at the political relationship between the Army to the party and between commanders and the political system, as a strength.Sushant:With this theaterisation model and this restructuring that has taken place, can training or various exercises replicate something that you may face in real combat? Because theaterisation is a very different kind of structure of the PLA. Dennis: Yeah actually, this is what we can see today in Aksai Chin. Their actual deployments look a lot different when they are training, down on the border & near the Line of Actual Control; they are deployed much differently than what we see them doing on television and in photographs. They look like they are taking this seriously – digging in, spacing themselves out and they are deployed in much wider areas than they would be normally. I think they have learnt some lessons on what happens if someone starts shooting at you. It is quite different, even the training they do, even the force on force, the red versus blue with the laser identifiers, the pop-up smoke when people get hit, we do the same thing at our national training center. It looks very similar but a lot of what I see with respect to their training away from the border training looks quite different from what I see them deployed on the ground in the very difficult terrain in the Himalayas.Sushant: Before I get to Aksai Chin I wanted to go back to something which you said about the strength and weaknesses of the PLA, you spoke about the training, the deployment, the logistics. How would you compare the modern PLA of the 21st century or of 2022 with the US military or with the Indian armed forces? I hear a lot from my former colleagues in the Indian Military about the quality of Chinese infrastructure, the pace of structure construction, the pace at which they construct roads, tracks, bridges, habitat is something to be seen. The induction of modern equipment into the PLA, their mobilisation time, the pace of their mobilisation, their logistic support. While they are not quite sure about the quality of the PLA soldiers who are roughing it out in the winters, they are also not sure about their relationship with the political commissars or the military commanders. How will you characterise these strengths and weaknesses of the PLA as they exist today?Dennis: One of the things that I try to emphasise is not to mirror image. I know, I hope I know, I may not know the United States military as well as I did when I retired a long time ago. But, it's a mistake to look at what the PLA is doing and say “well, if we do something like that therefore it must be just as good as us” and can operate on the battlefield in the same way that we would or would even want to operate in the same way as we would. The PLA is actually constructed much differently than the United States military. Even though reforms have come up with some aspects that are sort of like the United States, the more I look at the PLA and the entire Chinese Armed Forces, the more differences I see. Perhaps one of the biggest differences obviously is the funding. The PLA budget, no matter how you calculate it, is a fraction, maybe a third of the United States defense budget now. Yet the PLA, the people's armed police and the militia are many many times larger than the United States military. One of the things that they are constantly talking about is trying to conserve money and spend their money wisely. This leads to another element that is consistent even today when its reform started years ago, in that PLA modernisation is subordinate to but coordinated with economic development. One of the things they learned from the Soviet Union during the late '80s and '90s when the Soviets spent themselves to death & they didn't have an economy that could support their population. The Chinese have learnt from that, the defense spending in China does not interfere with the civilian economy. They also look to the civilian economy to support PLA modernisation and we can see that happening everywhere. So, despite everything that is going on they are trying to do it on a shoestring budget.Sushant: Dennis, if you are comparing it with the US Military and that's why you're talking about a shoestring budget but when compared to a country like India which is economically much weaker the PLA man to man spends far greater than what India spends. So, in that sense India would be in bigger trouble.Dennis: Yes and as I said, I haven't studied Indian Military so I am not this familiar with it, but from your perspective, it is much different.Sushant: Yes, because from our perspective the Chinese economy is five times Indian economy, their defense budget is four to five times our defence budget, they are spending man to man more than we are spending, they are producing many more military platforms within that country while we are not producing that much equipment within our country, we are the biggest importer of military platforms globally. The advantage that the United States Military has over PLA, perhaps the PLA has over the Indian Military to some extent.Dennis: Yes perhaps that's a good reason why we should all be happy that the Himalayas are between the two countries. Because it is such difficult terrain. But, I am not quite sure what the Indian reserves are like. If you have got a system of the reserve units.Sushant: We do have a system for reserve Units but we don't need to use reserves, reserves are not called into service. I don't remember in the last many decades reserves being called into service at any point of time. Dennis: Right. For example, here in the United States, especially over the last two wars, in Afghanistan and Iraq, we used our reserves almost interchangeably with our active-duty forces. The PLA reserves are much less advanced and really would not contribute in the same way as the United States reserves. The PLA reserves may be a little more advanced in development than the Indian but they are quite different from the United States.Sushant: Dennis, getting back to what everybody is talking about, the Sino-India border crises in Aksai Chin or Ladakh in the high Himalayas. Based on your extensive reading of the Chinese Military media and studying publicly available satellite imagery. Do you now have some understanding of what happened on the disputed border starting in the summer of 2020 and more importantly, why did it happen? Firstly, what happened & why did it happen?Dennis: The why is much more difficult but first it's important to start with, the PLA army is broken down for this purposes into two major elements, one is the border defense forces which are deployed along China's border and Coastal Defense forces and I estimate there are at least a hundred thousand, maybe up to two hundred thousand border defense troops whose main job is to monitor the border, do some initial reporting, fighting delay any invasion that comes on, but the bulk of the PLA army is in the mobile operational forces- the divisions, and the brigades, the group armies that are stationed further back from the border. In the Aksai chin, I see two permanently deployed border defense regiments through that area. One regiment in the Hotanprefecture in the military sub-district and another regiment in the Nagari or Ali military sub-district prefecture, Tibet. And, an interesting anomaly is that the Nagari sector of Tibet is actually under the command of the Nanjiang Southern Xinjiangmilitary district, and there is a big dip into Tibet, it's a big bite chunk that's cut out that is under command of the Xinjiangmilitary district and Nanjiang military district. I believe that what initially happened is that the border defense forces, especially up in theGalwan valley, were involved in the June 15th conflict. It was specifically one regiment and I think one battalion that was patrolling in theGalwan valley. Honestly, I credit both sides for the discipline that they showed because both sides were carrying weapons. They got into a major scuffle, but no shots were fired, which I think says something about the discipline on both sides. At the time, there was talk that there was change over between the units, between the battalions with that regiment. But, for some reason, I don't believe, based on no evidence, but I don't believe that there was an order from Beijing or Xinjiang or Nanjiangto go out and kill people. I believe it was units, a lot of people in very close proximity that started pushing and shoving each other that got out of hand, but eventually both sides were disciplined enough to pull back and withdraw. At the same time or just before that happened, there had been exercises in the area but not in the Galwan valley, because that's a terrible place to do military exercises, but to the north up in the Dapsong plains and beyond and perhaps to the south east in Nagari, there were out of area units coming in and doing exercises. At the same time, there were some of these out of area units, and I believe they were the initial forces that came from Xinjian, Nanjiang, the Sixth (what is now combined armed division) started moving forces into the sector south of Galwan. Eventually, they went into Galwan, but they started going into Kongka (the hotspring region), then the north of Pangong Lake. I am not sure when they went south of Pangong lake but they eventually showed up at the south of the Pangong lake. Anyway, they started moving in these divisional elements from Xinjiang and over the next six months poured in what I would consider probably an entire division. Some 10,000 people spread through these four/ five sectors from Galwan to hot spring to Pangong Lake to Spanggur Lake & set up these encampments. The most important thing is and one of the things that is very useful for identification is that the encampments are generally far apart, the sectors often are 35 miles apart. So that you can't move troops back and forth between the sectors but they have come in with artillery, and artillery can often support each other from the sectors and it is by seeing the artillery that I can make an estimate of what size units are there. But after looking at the available Google Earth images from October to January and early February of last year, I estimated that a full division had been deployed there, but it was deployed to stay, not to go south or East or West. It was deployed to hold territory and as they say create facts on the ground. The important thing is that they were dug in by engineers and probably reinforced by engineers to do the digging. Perhaps, some civilian engineers came in to dig out these camps, that were all in defensive positions spread out for miles and miles in the Galwan valley. There is a regiment, I estimate that is 23 miles from the Line of Actual Control and in Pangong Lake, they have two regiments, combined arms regiment supported by firepower or artillery regiment. It's spread for almost 15 miles along the Pangong lake. So, those are defensive positions meant to hold territory.Sushant: You know Dennis couple of questions you said this is a defensive formation, you spoke about the border defense forces, so what is the significance of the border defense forces? Are they as well trained as the regular operational troops? Are they poorly trained, poorly equipped, less equipped, are they paramilitary, gendarmerie, what are they? And the second question is, were there any offensive formations there which could have gone and taken some territory on the Indian side, if the need arose.Dennis: The border defense forces are generally much lighter than the mobile operational units. They are mostly infantry, they may have some heavy machine guns, they might have some mortars. Few regiments have older armed personnel carriers. In some places, coastal defense will have artillery but generally, they are spread out in company-size positions miles and miles apart. Their mission is to patrol the border and man outposts and observe things. So they would be observing what the Indian side is doing and they might be reacting to that, and as you know you, have over the past decades established protocols for how to patrol, where to patrol, how to identify yourselves, how to carry your weapons and things like that. But these people, the border defense units, I would estimate probably throughout that entire region the two prefectures probably are two regiments amounting to some four thousand forty-five hundred troops. That would include the patrol bulks on thePangong lake. So you have got about forty-five hundred of those troops to spread out over the border of two hundred and fifty miles, a very long border, and then superimposed upon that are these outside units from Nanjiang (the division). So, what has happened is in many places, the out of area units came in, reinforced and built camps around existing border defense units. Now, could any of those forces cross the LAC, attempt an offensive to take land well into what is established Indian territory – yes certainly, they could have tried, but as you know, this is a terrible terrain for mechanised movements. It will be very difficult to make those kinds of movements. If there were any sort of opposition with modern artillery or anti-tank weapons or air support – any sort of thrust into the other side's territory would be very vulnerable.Sushant: Dennis, based on your study of the Chinese military media, could you ascertain the reasons for the PLA doing what it did? Have you been able to see any analysis of that, any reasoning is given out anywhere?Dennis: I have not seen exactly why they have done that, and that would be a much higher-level party decision. You are familiar with the concept of the chicken and egg, which came first. The Indian side says the Chinese have been building their infrastructure along the border. The Chinese side says the Indians have been building their infrastructure along the border. So, who did it first? Both sides are improving their infrastructure and we are seeing now with this bridge that's been built across the Pangong lake.Sushant: Based on your assessment so what are the number of PLA troops including the border guarding forces, and the combined operational division. What is the approximate number of troops you would assess based on the encampments etc that the PLA has deployed in Aksai chin?Dennis:I look back to maybe 20 miles, 25 miles from the LAC back into Chinese territory and I see five sectors that I have mentioned before. I don't see the very the northern sectors of Depsang and I don't see the very southern sector of Demchok, but the five sectors that I see which is about 200 miles and then 20 -25 miles back when you include border defense, the division which I would estimate to be about ten thousand personnel, and then there are certainly non-divisional forces, engineers coming in. I have seen further back in Rutog, what I think is a long-range multiple rocket launcher battalion. I think there is artillery and there are probably some special operation forces. There are definitely some communications forces. There are a lot of transportation and support forces both from the region and then from the army and from the joint logistic support force. So, I would say there are probably about twenty thousand in total when you include the border defense, the division combined arms division, and the supporting forces.Sushant: But, Denis based on the military formations, areas, districts which are involved in the PLA side of the crisis. Do we have any knowledge of the commanders and their personalities who are involved. And has the recent restructuring made a difference to the way these things operate now and also how these commanders now operate?Dennis: At the operational level, you know the regimental commanders, the division commanders, we may know the names but, I don't know if we may know much about them. The Major General who is in charge of the Nanjiang military districts is the one who meets with your... Sushant: Core commander...Dennis: Yes. I would imagine you know him very well and I don't follow personalities that close. But, I believe that if I remember correctly he has been there for some sometime. Therefore, he has got a lot of experience in Xinjiang. There has been a lot of talk about the western theater, change of commands, having four commanders in a couple of years, and all that kind of stuff. The first change of command, a new guy came in without much experience in the region and he replaced somebody who had been in the region for a long time, and I think medical problems led to him leaving which brought in a third person who also didn't stay but a couple of months, and now finally, a fourth commander who has come in, who also has extensive experience. One of the problems with PLA changes of commands is that you never really know if the medical reasons are the real reasons for their departure, and there could be other reasons too. Right now, I believe that they do have in the chain of command people with extensive experience operating in Xinjiang because it is an anomaly, it's much different. Xinjiang forces did not undergo some kind of reforms that the vast majority of the rest of the PLA undertook. In Xinjiang, there are no group armies. The rest of the PLA is pretty much group armies, except for the Tibet Military district. So, there has been change and modernisation in Xinjiang but they still have both the border defense chain of command and the chain of command for the divisions and other supporting units, as they did before reform. I believe they have done that because of the unique situation, the huge expanses of land, and the harsh terrain throughout that area.Sushant: Dennis, just stepping back a bit, what is the political direction to the PLA now, particularly on Taiwan and on the South China Sea. I ask this because there is definitely a connection between what the PLA does on Taiwan or what the political direction in Taiwan is to what PLA does vis-a-vis India, because you know, if nothing happens to Taiwan then doing something to India allows the communist party to showcase itself as doing something for PLA. So, do we know something about the political direction the PLA has now on Taiwan and on the South China Sea?Dennis: I would say what we have seen in Aksai Chin is the army equivalent of what we have seen in the South China Sea, and opposite Taiwan. In the South China Sea, we primarily see a naval operation, a single service naval operation with the building of structures on the reefs and all that. Then against Taiwan, we see a more joint operation, both naval and airforce, heavy air force presence with all the flights mostly south of the island. But, both of these or all three of these different sectors or fronts as you might want to call them are being undertaken at the direction of the central military commission and the Chinese communist party. The PLA, in that regard is obeying the orders of the party, in their mind with Taiwan, it is to prevent further steps towards independence by Taiwan – in other words deterrence of Taiwan's independence. In the South China Sea, in many ways, it's similar to what's going on in Aksai chin. It's establishing realities on the surface and establishing military patrols in that region to reinforce their claims to the disputed areas. I don't see any of them building up an offensive deployment that would be necessary for a real war. For example, if you were to look at what's going on opposite Ukraine, you see concentrations of forces that are much different than what you see the PLA doing.Sushant: Dennis, one final question and then let me put you on the spot. Are there any signs of China and India going to war? Based on whatever you see, whatever you hear, whatever you analyse, or are we going to see something on the India border,as you just said earlier, what we saw of China from the Vietnam border, but with lesser kinetics may be less artillery shelling and fewer casualties than what we saw in 1979 and 1987 on the Vietnam border. My final question to you is, do you see a war or not?Dennis: No, I don't see a decision to go to war. The problem is the more all sides increase the tension, hype their soldiers up, and then send them out to do small unit patrols, I see the potential for escalation – something like what happened in June of 2020, where perhaps a platoon or a complete battalion size element clashes with the other side. There may not be immediate command and control withhigher headquarters, and things could spiral out of control and that's what worries me in all of these places – that a miscalculation, a mistake or misidentification could cause something much bigger. But if that does not happen, what I do see is the PLA digging in to stay in these encampments, in the sectors that I have described – they look like they are to stay for quite some time. Now, it's not infrastructure, it's not as expensive doing all of that as it is building facilities. So the good thing that I see between the Indian and Chinese sides is that at least they are having meetings. They may not amount to much, but at least you are talking. Talking is better than not talking. And, it is possible, the Generals who meet aren't going to make these decisions but if they are told by Delhi or Beijing to come to some sort of agreement, there could be a political way out of this. In all of these, both sides are going to have to make some concessions in some ways. I do see the Chinese, if there is no political resolution through negotiations, they are prepared to stay for a long time and rotate units in. To the best of my knowledge, I have only seen units coming from Xinjiangbut if they stay there for years on end, they may bring units from other places if it goes on that long. This to me is a very important test, not so much tactically about how they can fight, but about how they can actually live in such austere conditions, and support them with such  large deployments of forces for such extended periods of time. This is a very difficult logistics operation to keep that many people in the field, healthy and prepared to fight if necessary.Sushant: Dennis, that's something we look forward to about how the PLA behaves. I am happy to end on a very hopeful note, that things would probably look up and there would be a political solution to this crisis between two of Asia's biggest countries, two of Asia's biggest powers. Thank you so much Dennis for coming onto the podcast. Thank you once again.Thank You for Listening. For more information on our work, follow us on Twitter and log on to our website at https://cprindia.org/

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Guiding Your Son Through Boyhood Guest:                        Dennis RaineyFrom the series:       Stepping Up (day 2 of 5) Dennis:   You ever been lost?  Really lost in the woods?  Well, you know what?  I got lost, and there were no markers.  The land was flat, it was cold, and the sun was going down.  I didn't have a GPS on me.  I didn't have a compass.  I had no way to tell where to go or how to get out of there.  I admit that I was on the verge of panic.   That sense of being lost is what a boy can feel growing up today without a father guiding him.                                                                                                      Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 8th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  We're going to talk about what we can do to help boys get pointed on the right path and pointed in the right direction as they step up to manhood.   Welcome to FamilyLife Today; thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.  Just wondering what's in the water there at the Rainey house?  Your wife writes this devotional for families around courage.  Now, you've got this book for men on courageous manhood.  Are they spiking you with something out there? Dennis:  You know it is in the country.  There is no telling.  I do think Barbara and I have been preaching to one another.  Do you think? Bob:  I just sense a little bit of this passion in your souls to see men, women, and children kind of step up and be courageous. Dennis:  Bob, I think this culture is robbing us of our courage.  I think it is discouraging us.  I think many are losing heart in well-doing as a result.  If there has ever been a time when, frankly, men needed to be encouraged, I believe it's today. Bob:  Well, now, this is a theme that has been simmering in your heart for almost a decade, maybe longer than a decade, as you've been in a number of settings challenging men to step up to courageous manhood.  Now, you've written a book that's called Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood. You break the book down—this is interesting—into six sections to help orient guys to the progression that you're calling them to. Dennis:  We do.  The first section is just all about courage.  Then, each of the following five sections are about the steps: stepping up to boyhood, adolescents, manhood, mentor, and patriarch.  Each of those six sections of the book begin with a story of courage.   Bob:  Let me ask you about boys stepping up to boyhood.  It seems like boyhood is something that just kind of happens to you.  It's not something that as a boy you're all that intentional about.  In fact, you're just kind of going through life, and the question is are you heeding direction or are you just following your own impulses? Dennis:  I clipped a cartoon out of a magazine that had a picture of a five year old boy barefoot and no shirt in cutoff jeans walking down a dusty, dirty road.  He had two cats that he was carrying, whose tails were tied together.  He was carrying them, you know, where the tails kind of were caught in the crook of his arm.  The caption on the cartoon read, “And he was bound to acquire experience rapidly.”    That's what boyhood is all about.  He's growing up through the childish years getting all this experience, but what has to happen?  He has to have an older man in his life directing that experience.  So, that as he grows from boyhood into adolescence, there is character there; there's the wisdom to know the right from wrong and enough of a conscience that he can begin to turn away from evil and make right choices.   Boyhood does just seem like a time when life does happen to him, but it's a time when every boy needs a father. Bob:  Tragically, we live a culture where there are a lot of boys who don't have fathers.  If a boy doesn't have a father or someone stepping in to provide direction, to say, “Here's where manhood is, come on follow me. Come this direction,” then, the carnal impulses take over and what you have is masculinity gone amok. Dennis:  Yes.  Newsweek, a few years back, ran an article called “The Trouble with Boys.”  They said in that article that one of the most reliable predictors of whether a boy will succeed or fail in high school rests upon a single question, one question: does he have a man in his life to look up to?  Unfortunately, in many cases, the answer is no.   I ran across this quote.  I've not been able to find out who said it, but it has a pound of wisdom in it.  It says, “A boy without a father is like an explorer without a map.”  That's what a boy is.  He's starting out life, and it's uncharted.  He doesn't have the experience to know how to deal with it.  Who is he going to look to, to gain the experience he needs to know how to navigate the valleys, the danger spots, the mountains?   There is a lot of life that just happens to us, but as we know, there is a lot of evil that can occur in a boy and for that matter a teenager's life before they make it to manhood. Bob:  I don't think when I became a father for the first time that I understood the responsibility of calling sons to manhood.  I don't know that I understood that mantle being put on my shoulders.  Did your dad assume that responsibility in your life?  Did he understand what it was that God had called him to do, do you think? Dennis:  This is one of the more fascinating stories of my life, Bob.  My dad had a profound impact on my life, but I have no idea where he got the training to do it because his dad deserted him as a boy.  He was in his early teenage years when his dad basically abandoned the family of eight children and kind of went his own way.   I grew up in a town of thirteen hundred people—I like to say I had a big dad in a small town.  My dad was big in my life because he was involved in my life.  He coached my little league team.  The first game we got beat twenty-two to nothing to the Early Birds.  Three years later we played them for the semi-finals.  If we'd won, we'd gone on to the championship of our age group.  They beat us again, but it was only three to two.  Now, isn't it interesting that I can remember that?   Well, the reason I remember that is I had a dad.  I've still got this picture of all of us: scruffy, little, little league baseball players.  I had a dad who was standing right in the middle of the picture.  Not that the focus was on him.  He was on the back row, but he was the coach.  He knew how to coach us in the fundamentals.  He taught me more than just the fundamentals of baseball; he taught me the fundamentals of life, of obedience to God, of having a character that has integrity.   He modeled it.  His life was granite solid.  It was amazing as I became a father like you're talking about, Bob, how many times I would go back to pictures of my father who was steady, who didn't leave, who didn't abandon me.   I know as I say this there are a bunch of our listeners who didn't have something like that.  They've had to pick up that mentoring of an older man in their life from another man, but every boy today needs a dad who sees that young lad as his responsibility.  I have no question that my dad loved me and that my dad was doing his best with what he'd been given to train me to be ready for life. Bob:  When I was a kid, I remember going to the dentist office.  The only thing I liked about the dentist office is they had a subscription to Highlights magazine.  Do you remember Highlights for kids? Dennis:  Oh, yes. Bob:  It had puzzles— Dennis:  Right. Bob:  And games and cartoons.  In every Highlights magazine, there was a cartoon series called Goofus and Gallant.  It was two boys.  One, Goofus, was always making foolish decisions; and Gallant was making wise decisions.  It was really a cartoon instructing in character.   I've thought about that since.  I've thought young boys growing up need to be pointed in the direction of character because their natural inclinations aren't going to lead them in that direction.  That is part of the responsibility a dad has.  For a boy to step into wise boyhood, they need to say, “I'm going to listen to the wisdom of a father or of older men and follow in their footsteps.” Dennis:  Bob, the book of Proverbs is all about that.  It is all about an older, wiser father speaking into the life of a boy calling his son to step up.  Now, it doesn't say in the Proverbs step up to manhood, but it is all over the pages.  Calling him away from foolishness to—was that Goofus? Bob:  Yes.  Right. Dennis:  To step up to wisdom, to Gallant. Bob:  Gallant.  Right. Dennis:  To Gallant.  If he's going to do that, he needs an older man whose arm is around him.  You know I can still remember watching the game of the week with my dad on Saturday afternoon.  My dad worked hard.  He worked five days a week and a half a day on Saturday.  Some days he would work all day on Saturday. I would go to sleep with him there in the living room on that couch with his arm around me.  I can still remember the hairs on his hand and his arm kind of touching my boyish face.  You know there is something about that that builds security, stability, direction.  As we grow up, it's what we call upon as we face our own challenges in life.   I'll never forget going deer hunting a number of years ago.  I used to laugh at people who would get lost in the woods.  Have you ever been lost by the way?  Really lost in the woods? Bob:  I've never been that deep into the woods.  I don't think.    Dennis:  You stayed away from the woods.  Well, you know what?  That's a good way not to be lost.   Well, I got lost, Bob.  I went in circles because I began to notice where I had been.  There were no markers.  The land was flat, it was cold, and the sun was going down.  I remember praying and going, “Lord, I'm lost.  I need help.  I need to get out of here.”  I admit that I was on the verge of panic.   Now, this was like—I don't know—twenty, twenty-five years ago.  When I finally stumbled out onto a logging road where I knew where I was, I was thrilled.  I didn't have a GPS on me.  I didn't have a compass.  I had no way to tell where to go or how to get out of there.  Well, you know what?  That sense of being lost is what a boy can feel growing up today without a father guiding him. I want to give dads just real quickly four points of direction to guide their sons.  Let's just call them compass points. Bob:  Okay. Dennis:  Compass point number one, character: train your son in what is wise and also what is foolish.  We just talked about the book of Proverbs.  That is what it is about.  Wisdom is skill in everyday living as God designed it. Bob:  I think as a dad you have to keep in mind that your son is naturally going to be drawn to foolishness.  “Foolishness is bound up,” Proverbs says, “in the heart of a child.”  As a dad, you're going to have to use up a variety of means to call him away from foolishness and to godly character.  He is not going to be naturally inclined in that direction. Dennis:  I'll never forget going to my dad's place of work.  If he said this to me one time, he said it a hundred times, “Son, these people are working.  Do not bother them.”      I think I just had a blast walking through the office talking to everybody because my dad owned the little company, you know.  “Son, I want you to know they're at work.  Don't bother—” Bob:  Leave them alone. Dennis:  “—the people.”  That's a very minor foolishness; but nonetheless, it's is foolishness.   A second point for our compasses are relationships: how do I love others?  The first one talks about our character: people being able to trust us that what we say is good. Bob:  What kind of person am I?  Dennis:  Right. Bob:  Yes. Dennis:  How we love other people is how we relate to them, care for them; how we're gentle with them, kind with them, forgive them, resolving conflicts with them.Bob:  So, what you're saying is that a father has a responsibility to help a son understand how to have healthy relationships with other people: with women, with siblings, with friends.  Just understand how to relate to people. Dennis:  Your family is a laboratory, and you're training your son how to live life and how to love other people.  Some of the lessons you are going to pass on to your sons are going to be out of your mistakes.  When you make a mistake and you have to ask your wife to forgive you in front of your kids, as I have done on more than one occasion.   On those occasions, some of them I would turn to the kids.  I would say, “You know, you're not going to remember your dad was perfect; but I do hope what you remember about him is that when he made a mistake and hurt another person, he was enough of a man that he could admit it and ask that other person to forgive him.” Identity is the third one.  That answers the question, who am I?  There are multiple areas today where that's got to be addressed with a boy.  One is “Who is he in relationship with God?” because it is only as he determines who God is in the Scriptures in his relationship to Jesus Christ that he is going to have a proper identity of who he is.   There's also the issue of sexual identity and what does it mean to be a boy and not a girl?  What does it mean to be a man and not a woman?  He is getting his first cues from his father as to how comfortable his father is in his own sexuality and how he treats his wife in terms of courtesies, in terms of serving her, in terms of her distinct femininity as a woman.  It is really those snapshots that a boy catches growing up in his home where he gets his first picture of what is a man and how does a man relate comfortably with a woman. Bob:  So, identity revolves around sexual identity; but you also said spiritual identity, understanding that your nature is prone to sin and that you are in need of a Savior and understanding who God is and the fact that life is to be lived for Him.  What is the last point on the compass? Dennis:  Well, it has to do with our mission and why am I here.  What is my purpose?  Ephesians 2:10 talks about “We're His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works that He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” I'll never forget a boy that my sons used to have over to the house, and I'll call him Mark.  His mom had, had four husbands.  Mark had not known a man in his life to be there consistently.  I don't know what prompted me one day, but I looked him in the eye; and I said, “Mark, God has a plan for you being here.  He has got something very, very powerful for you to do with your life if you'll but walk with Him and know Him and set Christ apart in your heart as Savior and Lord.”   It was interesting that was early in my adolescent sons' lives.  Mark continued to track with our kids all the way until his senior year, and he did some pretty dumb things.  Our paths crossed again.  I had to kind of pull our sons away and say, “You know I don't think it would be wise to continue to spend time with Mark.”   It was interesting Mark ran into me at school one day; and he said, “Mr. Rainey, I noticed that your sons are no longer running around with me.  I thought you believed that God had a plan for my life.”  Now, Bob, this is four years later.   Words to a young lad, especially a young lad growing up in the confusing years of adolescence, can be used in that boy's life to really center him and begin to set him on a course where maybe he begins to think about his life as something other than just on the human level; maybe he is created in the image of God; and there are spiritual purposes to his life that he needs to fulfill. A father, I believe, can have an enormous impact in his son's life reminding him of the truth about himself: that God has a plan for him.   Bob:  We're really back to the map illustration that you used earlier.  If a young child, if a young son, doesn't have compass points—doesn't have a map to point him in a direction, he will wander aimlessly and often wind up in a place that is not a good place.  It is a dad's responsibility to point him in the right direction and to give him those compass points; so, that where he winds up is a good place. Dennis:  Yes.  What a dad needs to understand is he possesses the DNA of life.  If you as a father are walking with Jesus Christ and you're in the Book, the Bible, you possess that DNA to pass on to your sons to show them how to live.  I love a poem that was written by General Douglas MacArthur because, as you might imagine as a general, he had a goal in mind especially for his son.  Let me just share this poem that I include in the book: Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.   Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be;  a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.   Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and the spur of difficulties and challenge.  Here, let him learn to stand up in the storm; here, let him learn compassion for those who fail.   Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.   And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously.   Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.   Now, listen to how this general concludes this prayer and his poem:             Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.” There isn't a dad listening to us right now who doesn't understand the heart of that general because you want to impart the DNA of life and a sense of direction to our boys; so, they aren't caught off guard, but they live effective lives for Jesus Christ. Bob:  I think one of the things that causes dads to shrink back sometimes is that they lack confidence in their own direction.  They're not sure they are pointing in the right direction.  That is one of the reasons, I think, your book is going to be so helpful for so many of us because it gives us a clear picture of what the path to manhood looks like, what authentic, biblical manhood is.  Then, it takes us passed that to see that just being God's man is not where things stop, but God has a design for us even beyond that. I want to encourage our listeners.  This week we are making your book available to those who can help support the ministry with a donation.  All you have to do is go online to FamilyLifeToday.com.  Make an online donation or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  When you do, you can request a copy of Dennis's new book, Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood.   Right now, the book is not available in stores or on Amazon; so, the only place you can get a copy is from us here at FamilyLife Today.  Again, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.  Make an online donation.  When you do, type the word “STEPUP,” all as one word in the key code box on the online donation form.  Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone.  Just ask for a copy of the book, Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood, by Dennis Rainey; and we'll get it sent out to you. If you're interested in multiple copies of the book, either for a men's group study or for whatever other reason you're interested in ordering additional copies, you can find the details for how to purchase additional copies online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Now, tomorrow we're going to talk about the transitional phase of adolescence that phase in between boyhood and manhood.  Just how long should a young man stay in that phase?  What does that look like to pass through it?  We'll talk about that tomorrow.  I hope you can tune in. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. We are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?2011 Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com 

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Approaching Adolescence  Guest:                        Dennis RaineyFrom the series:       Stepping Up (day 3 of 5)  Bob:  One of the key steps a young man will take as he progresses toward courageous, authentic, biblical masculinity is the step where he begins to assume more responsibility.  Here's Dennis Rainey. Dennis:  You know what?  As a young man, get used to stepping up.  Get used to taking on more responsibility because it is the stuff of manhood.  It's why God created you.  Back in Genesis, chapter one, you were designed to reign over the creation and make a living by the sweat of your brow and be a part of God's redemptive work on the planet. Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, March 9th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  We're going to explore today what has to happen for a young man to move through adolescence and to embrace authentic masculinity.   Welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.   We're going to have to start with some definition, maybe, or some discussion here at the beginning.  You've just finished a book that you call Stepping Up, a Call to Courageous Manhood.  You're challenging men to step up.   One of the things you address in this book is the idea that men go through a middle phase, from boyhood to manhood, the phase of adolescence.  You know there are people in the culture today who push back on that whole idea of adolescence and say that's an artificial construct.  Back a hundred years ago there was no such thing as an adolescent.  You just went from boyhood to manhood.  So what do you say to that, huh? Dennis:  Well, they're right.  It wasn't even in the dictionary at the turn of the twentieth century.  In the early nineteen hundreds there were two steps, boyhood and manhood.  There wasn't anything in between.  You stepped up from boyhood to manhood and probably did so at a much earlier age back then than we do today. Bob:  So you'd have teenagers, young men, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years old getting married, taking jobs…Dennis:  Oh, yeah!  Right. Bob:  …taking responsibilities for families.  The idea that there would be an extended period where you would learn and study and grow and just kind of enjoy life before you got down to the duties and responsibilities of adulthood?  That just didn't exist. Dennis:  It didn't.  In fact there's a guy who wrote a book, Dr. Michael Kimmel, called Guyland.  In it he describes a world where young men live.  He said it's a stage of life, an undefined timespan between adolescence and adulthood that can stretch out for a decade or more.  It's a bunch of places where guys gather to be guys with each other, unhassled by the demands of parents, girlfriends, jobs, kids and other nuisances of adult life.   What he's saying is he actually wants to add another step between adolescence and manhood, one that can go on into the late twenties.  In fact, it's happening! Bob:  Guyhood? Dennis:  Guyland, I guess.  I don't know. Bob:  You get your video game controller and you work a job where you can go home and sit down with the dudes and crack some beers and get out the videogames and have a blast. Dennis:  Yeah.  In fact, listen to this statement that Dr. Kimmel concludes with.  He says, “In this topsy turvy Peter Pan mindset, young men shirk the responsibilities of adulthood and remain fixated on the trappings of boyhood while the boys they still are struggle heroically to prove that they are real men, despite all the evidence to the contrary.” Bob:  Well, he's really just saying that adolescence has been extended in our culture and there's kind of this state of perpetual adolescence.  In fact, again as you've addressed in this book and you've spoken to men, you're calling all of us to step out of what is that inertia that pulls us back into the irresponsibility of adolescence and say “Step up to the responsibility of manhood.” Dennis:  I don't think it's wrong that adolescence ultimately emerged.  I think what has become a trap, however, is when young men are allowed to stay in some in-between world, in between boyhood and manhood for an extended period of time where no one in the culture, no one in their family, no one in their lives, is stepping into their lives and saying, “It's time to grow up.  It's time to assume responsibilities.”   I have to say it's interesting in this culture to watch a bunch of single people, for that matter single men, moving into their thirties delaying marriage with one foot in boyhood, one foot in adolescence.  I think they need some older men in their lives who are on the steps above, looking down at them, and not in an arrogant fashion, but reaching down to them, saying, “Come on up.”   It may be frightening.  It may feel like it is more responsibility, because it is but you need to get out of childhood.  As Paul said in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verse 11, “When I was a boy I acted like a boy.  I behaved like a boy.  I spoke like a boy.  But when I grew up I put away childish things.”  We need a generation of young men putting away childish things. Bob:  But you know the messages they're getting in the culture, the messages on TV, from their peer group, the messages in the movies, and even the message of their own flesh, it's not calling them to put away childish things.  It's saying, “This is a time for fun.  Enjoy it!” Dennis: Well, you were a teenage young man one time. Bob:  I was!  I remember! Dennis:  Do you remember it?  I mean, it was totally confusing and life was a lot simpler back then.  But what's happening today I fear, is the older men in the lives of these young men, instead of reaching out with their hand and calling them to step up, they're not challenging them to much of anything.  They've forgotten what it was like. Let me just read to you what I wrote in the book in terms of what teenage boys are facing today.  “A teenage boy's body is changing in strange and foreign ways.”  Think about it!  I mean, hair growing in some unusual places!  What's he supposed to do?  He's starting to think about things he's never thought about before.  All of a sudden, sexual allurement and the mystery of sex becomes powerful.  If you've never been spoken to about this, what's a boy, a young man, going to do with all that? Secondly, he's bombarded with bewildering thoughts and choices about sex and morality.  In other words, when can he have sex?  Now he's thinking about it.  What is appropriate?  If you watch what's on TV, there are no boundaries.   Barbara and I sat at the movies back around Christmas watching previews and there was, and I forget the name of the movie and I'm glad I'm forgetting it here, because I don't want to give it any advertising, but it was all about having sex.  That was the theme of the entire movie.   It was like all these single people were just born for this purpose, to just figure out how to ultimately make out and get in bed with one another.  There was no restraint on passion.  So here are teenage boys coming to a movie like that.  What are they supposed to do with those images? Third, he faces relentless, unbelievable peer pressure, friends encouraging, enticing him to go along with, frankly, barbaric ways.  I mean teenage boys left to go their own route are going to be little barbarians. Next, he battles an emotional upheaval of anger, sometimes rage that he has no idea where it's coming from.  I watched out sons going through this.  Without a strong daddy in their lives, they can be punitive upon a mom. Bob:  They're getting some hormones squirted into their systems that haven't been squirted there before and aggression is a part of what comes with that.  It's got to be directed and it's got to be channeled. Dennis:  Yes.  And in this culture, in addition to all that, he's also has to deal with other people's expectations.  I mean, with all the expectations around the tests they're taking, the college they go to, how well their grades are, it's pressure on pressure on pressure.   The last one is he feels this strong gravitational pull toward independence.  He wants to spin out and away from the family orbit and establish his own authority away from his parent's authority all on his own. Bob:  And that's a good thing, isn't it?   Dennis:  It is. Bob:  …that he wants to do that? Dennis:  It is.  But it is if he's trustworthy, if he's been trained, if he understands how to begin to exercise his own authority. Bob:  If he wants to kind of be in charge of his own universe simply so he can indulge his own fleshy desires then that's a recipe for trouble. Dennis:  It is. Bob:  But if he wants to be out on his own so that he can subdue the earth and fulfill it as the biblical mandate calls him to do, then that's a good thing. Dennis:  Yes.  But just pull back for a second and think as a parent. Here's a young man that you're observing that has this wash of chemicals and hormones surging through his system, all these outside forces impacting him.  He's spinning off to his own orbit and two things can happen with parents.  One, I call the push back and the other is what I call the pull out.   The push back is when a young man begins to push back against his parents, specifically his father, and the father lets him.  He lets him push him back and push him out of his life so that the father is not in there helping him navigate uncharted waters.   The second area is the pull out.  Some parents just get busy and it's a hassle to engage your teenagers.  The easiest thing to do, again, is nothing.  So a dad can pull out of his son's life, in my opinion, at one of the most dangerous, most important times, when a young man needs an older man, in his entire life. Bob:  So ideally, as I hear you describing all of this, I'm thinking to myself ideally you want to get a son from boyhood to manhood kind of as quickly as possible, get him  through the adolescent rapids as quickly as you can? Dennis: Well, you know, you really understand why back at the turn of the twentieth century, why they got married and started their own families.  These young men had to step up and had to assume the responsibilities of a man.  They were given no other choices.  The problem is we've built an entertainment culture appealing to these teenagers, enticing them to stay in this phase well into their twenties. Bob:  A lot of the young men at the turn of the century weren't in school after the seventh or the eighth grade.  Now they're in school to college and beyond and their only responsibility is to study. There's no job.  There's no work.  All of a sudden you've got all this free time.  I mean, I remember when I was a student thinking, “Boy, I've got no free time.”  Well, I'd go back and trade, you know? Dennis:  No doubt. Bob:  …because you've got all kinds of time.  If there's no direct responsibility attached to that, that's a recipe for mischief. Dennis:  You know, Bob, my boys at this point would cringe because they know exactly what I'm about to say.  When they entered that phase I would look at them and I said, “You have the least amount of responsibility you will have for the rest of your life.”  But the idea there is that, you know what, as a young man, get used to stepping up.  Get used to taking on more responsibility because it is the stuff of manhood.   It is why God created you.  Back in Genesis, chapter 1, you were designed by God to rule.  You were designed to reign over the creation and make a living by the sweat of your brow and be a part of God's redemptive work on the planet.   Probably the best illustration I have of what the teenage years look like and the assignment of a father during those years, used to occur as I completed my sixth grade Sunday school class.  Now this was a class I used to teach.  I had seventy, seventy-five young people in that class so it wasn't just to the boys.  But I would always use a boy to illustrate the last principle. Bob:   Now this was seventy twelve year olds? Dennis:  Yes, eleven and twelve year olds. Bob:  Oh my goodness.  Alright… Dennis:  What I did in that class was I used to call it the traps of adolescence.  So I had a bear trap that represented sexual immorality.  I had smaller traps that represented drugs and alcohol and pornography, other traps that represented peer pressure.  I had a dozen traps that were illustrated.   For the last session I had all the traps set on the floor.  It's a miracle, Bob, that in all the years I taught this I never once caught a kid.  They never once stepped in any of those traps!  I was relieved! Bob:  It was a miracle that the Fish and Game people didn't come in and shut down your Sunday school class! Dennis:  No doubt about it. But I had all these traps and kids knew what those traps stood for.  So I took a young man on the other side of the traps, on the other side of the rooms, and he could see the traps in front of him, and I blindfolded him.  Then I said, “I want you to take off your shoes.”   And on the other side of the room, with the traps in between us and the young lad, was his father.  I instructed the father in what they were supposed to do.  I would say to the young man, “On the count of three I want you to come to your father and to me.  It's representing going through adolescence all the way to adulthood.” Bob:  So come barefoot through the traps with blindfolds on? Dennis:  Right!  Exactly!  And I would say, “One.  Two.”  And the father would interrupt me every time and say, “Hold it son.  Don't' take a step!”   He would walk over, around the traps, would go over and whisper to his son, “I want you to stick your hands on the back of my shoulders and I want you to scoot along and follow me very closely because we are going in between these traps.   So the father would begin scooting through those traps, all of this taking place in front of seventy-five young people about to encounter these traps and the parents who were about to raise them.  They were in the room too because this was graduation.   The father and the young man, closely behind him, would make it through to the other side and the class always began to applaud and clap and cheer as they finished it and the young man took his blindfold off and gave his father a hug.   That's a picture of what adolescence was meant to look like--a father in the midst of doing life with his son, in the midst of the traps.  First and foremost, staying out of the traps himself. Bob:  Right. Dennis:  And then calling his son to step up and away from the traps and to step with him toward manhood.   What is missing today are the fathers walking around the traps and then sticking with it all the way through the next five, six, seven years.  It's not a matter of having one birds and bees conversation with a thirteen year old boy.  It's a matter of talking with him as you're watching a football game and a commercial comes on and you tell him to look away.   It's a matter of talking about the movies he goes to and having boundaries in his life.  It's a matter of training him to know how to deal with the opposite sex and honor a young ladies' femininity by keeping his hands off of her body.   Young men today, more than ever, need a daddy, a daddy who is on the manhood step facing upwards, who knows who he is as a man, who's not dabbling in pornography himself, so he can reach down to his son and say, “Let's go.  Come on.  Follow me as I follow Jesus Christ.” Bob:  The dads who are there and who can't reach back because they're got one foot still stuck in adolescence themselves?  How do they get unstuck? Dennis:  As we've talked here Bob, we've created a picture of five steps, a step going upwards from boyhood to adolescence, from adolescence to manhood, manhood to mentor, and, the ultimate step and most noble call for a man, that of being a patriarch.   We also created an image that a man can find himself with one foot on the manhood step and one foot on the lower step of adolescence, standing sideways.  When a man finds himself standing sideways, he has to realize a couple of things.   Number one, his own life is in peril.  Number two, the kind of model he is leaving for his son, and for that matter the rest of his family, is not a good one.  And third, he needs to realize that from time to time all of us make foolish decisions.   All of us step down and we have to turn our back, that's call repentance in the Bible, we have to turn our back on selfishness and on sin and turn away from it and turn upward toward Jesus Christ and the scriptures and being obedient to what God has called him to do.  So I wish it was a simple matter of just turning away from evil one time and stepping up.  But it's never just that.   I mean, it occurs as we walk in the middle of an airport and you look over in the magazine stand.  I don't ask to see those pictures.  I don't ask to have those magazines faced outward to me, thirty feet away, not even going into the book store that's in the airport.  But they're there and they can be a temptation and they can call a man away from what he knows is right to becoming a doorway through which sin can gain entrance, not only to his own life, but also to his son's. There's a warning in scripture that the sin of one generation will be passed down to four generations.  To me that's a frightening thought, that my life would be used to pass on sin rather than righteousness to my descendants. Bob:  If a dad is going to lead his son through the phase of adolescence to manhood, the dad's got to have a pretty secure standing on the manhood step himself. Dennis:  He'd better keep short accounts with God.  All of us make mistakes.  I've shared many of them here on FamilyLife Today.  I run into listeners all around the country who says, “You know what?  We appreciate the no baloney approach to the Christian faith and to real life as we all live it.”   I've shared about cutting down trees in front of my own son.  And I've shared to repenting of cutting down a tree that wasn't on my property and calling the owner of that tree and confessing my sin and offering to pay restitution in front of my son.  Now that's no fun.  But you know what?  It's a part of showing our sons where to find life. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart for from it flow the wellsprings of life.”  My heart is a precious thing for life in terms of it beating right now.  It's also a precious thing, if I understand the scriptures, spiritually,  for me to continue to guard my heart so that I might be a source of life, that my life might be a spring that would come from my life to my wife, to my sons, to my daughters, and to those that I impact and influence.  That's a great picture for any man standing on the manhood step.  There needs to be a stream of water influencing all those around him. Bob:  I think it's helpful, and this is one of the things you do so well in the book, men need to see that the essence of authentic manhood involves sacrifice, involves laying down your life, giving your life away for others.  It's not about being a man for yourself.  It's about being a man for others and dying to self. That's what's at the heart of authentic manhood.   I want to encourage listeners to get a copy of this new book.  Again, it's called Stepping Up—A Call to Courageous Manhood.  This week we want to send it to you.  All we're asking you is that you make a donation to help support the ministry.  When you do, we're happy to send you a copy of Dennis's brand new book.   If you're donating on line at FamilyLifeToday.com, when you open up the donation form there's a key code box there.  Just type “STEPUP” in the key code box and we'll know to send you a copy of Dennis's book.   Or call 1-800-FLToday and make a donation over the phone.  Again, just ask for a copy of Dennis' book when you do. Right now the only place the book is available is here at FamilyLife so, if you want to get a copy, go online or call us and make a donation.  If you're interested in multiple copies of the book, those are available for purchase as well.  I know there are a lot of men's groups that are going to look at doing a book like this for a men's study.  So if you want to get multiple copies, contact us, again, online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word “Today.” Now tomorrow we're going to talk about what authentic, mature masculinity looks like.  What are some of the characteristics of someone who has stepped up to manhood?  We'll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. We are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider f to help defray the costs?2011 Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com 

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Manhood and Spiritual Leadership Guest:                        Dennis RaineyFrom the series:       Stepping Up (day 4 of 5) Bob:  Being a man involves taking some risks: stepping up, being courageous, leading, initiating.  Here is Dennis Rainey: Dennis:  What if I failed every time I've initiated?  Well, the easiest thing to do is nothing and to stop initiating.  The reason we fail to initiate is we may have trained our wives to just jump in and do it for us because we haven't stepped up and taken responsibility for our finances, for the spiritual well-being of our family, for the direction we're headed as a couple.  All of these demand initiative from a man who knows where he's going. Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, March 10th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  We're going to begin today to unpack some of the essentials that make up biblical manhood.   Welcome to FamilyLife Today; thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.  Do you think men know what it is they're looking for, they're aiming for?  I mean, do you think they understand what manhood looks like? Dennis:  No.  I don't.  In fact, I think there is so much taking place in our culture today it is like real manhood, as God designed a man to be, is an elusive goal at best.  For most, they have no—they haven't even got the foggiest idea what that looks like. Bob:  Well, I remember—this will date me a little bit, but I remember trying to figure it out myself and thinking, “So, as a real man the tough John Wayne, Rambo, you don't share your feelings; you just go out and get it done.”  Is that a real man? Dennis:  Don't eat quiche.   Bob:  Yes.  Or is a real man a sensitive, caring, kind of person who is tender and who is kind and who pays attention and listens to the heart of his wife?  Is that a real man?  We get such mixed messages in the culture that I think that a lot of guys are looking around going, “I want to be a man.  I'm just not exactly sure what that means.” Dennis:  Well, I don't often quote from advertisers, especially advertisers that advertise jeans, as an authority; but I ran across an advertisement for Dockers jeans where I just felt like they nailed it.  In fact— Bob:  Now hang on.  I'm wearing Dockers right now.Dennis:  Are you? Bob:  Okay.  Yes. Dennis:  Well, this is a good ad for Dockers jeans, but I want you to listen to this because this appeared in an advertisement for their jeans.  You tell me if you don't feel like they nailed it.  Once upon a time, men wore the pants and wore them well.  Women rarely had to open doors, and little old ladies never had to cross the street alone.  Men took charge because that is what they did, but somewhere along the way the world decided it no longer needed men.   Disco by disco, latte by foamy non-fat latte, men were stripped of their khakis and left stranded on the road between boyhood and androgyny; but today, there are questions are genderless society has no answers for. Now, I'm going to finish this, Bob, but can you believe this is for jeans?  Now I know Dockers makes other things too— Bob:  Right. Dennis:  But this is advertising their jeans.  They continue:             The world sets idly by as cities crumble, children misbehave, and those little old ladies remain on one side of the street.  For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes.  We need grown-ups.  We need men to put down the plastic forks, step away from the salad bar, and untie the world from the tracks of complacency.  It is time for you to get your hands dirty. It is time to answer the call of manhood.  It is time to wear the pants. Talk about politically incorrect.   Bob:  They've been reading your book haven't they?    Dennis:  Here's what they are saying, and again, an advertisement is not my authority.  I'm about to go to Scripture, but they are picking up on the theme of Scripture that there is a lot about manhood that is all about a man taking initiative.  Manhood is about initiative. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 talks about standing firm in the faith, acting like men.  Be a man, it says.  1 Kings 2 David is about to die.  He charges his son, Solomon.  He says, “Show yourself a man and keep the charge of the Lord your God walking in His ways, keeping His statutes, His commandments, His rules, His testimonies.”  I mean, he's calling his son up: be a man; step up, son; don't fritter away your manhood on lesser callings.   Yet, this culture is sending messages to boys that make the waters incredibly murky.  If there is someone that needs to be clarifying what it means to be a real man today, it ought to be followers of Jesus Christ who are tethered to the Scripture. Bob:  So, you would say that the Scriptures give us a clear picture of what mature manhood is? Dennis:  Right. Bob:  Okay.  So, unpack it for us. Dennis:  Well, first of all, let me tell you what it isn't: it's not passivity.  It has been suggested in the Garden in Genesis chapter 3, that when the serpent came to Eve that Adam was standing there.  Adam was present, but he did nothing.  It has been suggested that perhaps the first sin of man was passivity.   If you think about it, if initiative is the essence of manhood, could it be that the sin of arrogance and pride of doing nothing and just standing back watching may be the opposite?   I think there are three reasons—actually I'm going to give you a bonus reason.  Four reasons why men are passive today, they don't take the initiative.   First of all, taking the initiative is hard work, and I'm tired.  It is the end of the day.  I don't feel like leading my family in a devotion at the dinner table.  I don't feel like putting the kids to bed and serving my wife by helping the kids be tucked in and praying with them.  The easiest thing for me to do is to sit in my easy chair and become a giant amoeba and just do nothing. It is hard work to lead.  Being a man calls us out of our passivity, out of doing nothing into engagement, into serving, into helping others and shouldering the burden with them. Bob:  It is not just the end of the day when it is hard work.  I mean the beginning of the day, just heading off to work.  There are a lot of guys who are checked out of manhood at the very beginning of the day because, frankly, as you've said it is taking initiative.  That means you've got to step up, you've got to take some responsibility, you've got to go to work— Dennis:  Right. Bob:  A lot of guys are going, “Who wants to do that?”   Dennis:  If you want to be a man, it is going to include pain because I promise you, to deny yourself and to abandon yourself to serve others will involve self denial and that does involve pain.  No, I don't like pain.  My flesh doesn't like not getting its own way, but that is a part of being a man. Remember Mark 10:35-45, the disciples came to Jesus and asked how to be great.  He basically said, “The Son of man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”  I think that's the essence of manhood: serving others, giving up your life for another.   Another way men fail to take the initiative is they say, “I don't know how.  I don't know what it means to initiate.  I didn't have a father who did.”  The slate is blank, and so, they use that as an excuse.  I would say to a man who didn't have a father, either present or who didn't have a father who demonstrated this, “Find a man who does.”   Go and find a man who'll practically illustrate and coach you in what that looks like, like interviewing your daughter's dates.  You've never perhaps thought about interviewing your daughter's dates.  Well, you know what?  There are men who can train you in how to do that.  There are books that are written in how to do that to show you how to be a man and how to initiate and how to step into a fearful place and be the man. A third reason why men don't take the initiative is it means I might fail.  What if I failed ever time I've initiated or my wife has made me feel like a failure every time I've initiated?  The easiest thing to do is nothing and stop initiating.   That really leads me to the fourth one: our wives can do it for us.  The reason we fail to initiate is we may have trained our wives to just jump in and do it for us because we haven't stepped up and taken responsibility for our finances, for the spiritual well-being of our family, for the direction we're heading as a couple.  All of these demand initiative from a man who knows where he's going. Bob:  We back off.  We don't assume responsibility.  A wife who looks around and says, “The job's not getting done,” and starts to feel fear, she'll step in and do it.  That's what you're saying? Dennis:  That's right.  So, the opposite is also true, Bob.  Instead of being passive, we initiate.  What is one of the things we can initiate as a real man?  Well, we've taken surveys of more than a hundred thousand people in local churches around the country, and one of the top issues women are looking to their husbands to provide is spiritual leadership of their marriages and their families.   One of the ways a man can assume responsibility and take initiative for leading his wife spiritually is to begin to pray with her every day.   We've talked about this on FamilyLife Today numerous times.  I feel like it's one of my life messages.   Barbara and I prayed together last night.  It was a short pray.  We were both exhausted because of travel.  In our case, we have seventeen grandchildren now.  We just had the birth of a new little one, Alice Pearl.  So, Barbara and I prayed for her last night as we went to bed.   This morning I read in John 4 about Jesus' interaction with the woman at the well.  He made a phenomenal claim.  He said I want to give you water, that's living water.  If you take a drink from me, out of your innermost being will flow rivers of living water— Bob:  You'll never thirst again. Dennis:  Never thirst again.  The woman was astounded by this man who told her about her past and seemed to love her and speak genuinely kind to her.  At one point, she talked about the Messiah; and he said, “I, who speak to you, am He.”  Well, you know what?  Praying together is all about coming to the Messiah, Jesus Christ, coming to Him over and over and over again to get a drink of the living water.   If you drink from Jesus Christ, out of your life will flow rivers, it says, of living water.  If you picture a husband leading his wife spiritually, that means that stream can be rich and deep and crystal clear and pure.  It means a man can truly love his wife in a whole new level.  Bob, I think a lot of men don't love and lead their wives spiritually because they don't know how.  They've never had anyone challenge them to do it, and it is as if right now I'm on these steps of manhood and I'm reaching down to a guy who may be straddling manhood and adolescents. Bob:  At least in the area of this kind of spiritual leadership you're talking about. Dennis:  Right.  May not be taking the initiative.  I'm reaching down and saying, “Come on.  Turn your back on adolescents.  Turn your life away from excuses.  Step up and become the man God made you to be: loving and leading your wife spiritually.” Bob:  Don't you think, though, that there are men who are intimidated in this area because they know their own spiritual nature.  I mean they think if you're going to lead somebody spiritually you have to be—well, you've got to be ahead of them.   A lot of guys look at their wives, and they go, “You know what?  Spiritually, she's ahead of me.  I mean she's got time to go to Bible study fellowship or precept classes.  She's doing more quiet time.  I mean, how do I lead her when she's the one who is farther down the path than I am?” Dennis:  Well, if you are not involved—I'm speaking now to this man not to you, Bob.  If you're this guy that Bob is talking about, you've got to find a Bible study with a group of men that are absolutely being ruthlessly honest about their own lives and digging into the Scriptures to find out how to really become all that God created you to be.  There's a lot of guys today who are not engaged in any kind of a Bible study. I was with a man here recently, and I looked him in the eye.  I said, “Tell me what's going on in your life spiritually.”  And it was a blank look.  Every area of his life is full with business, family, other issues with his life, recreation.  Spiritually speaking, there is no food. Bob:  There's just no margin for that.  He says if I'm going to keep the business going and the family demands, I just—I mean I hear you saying get in a Bible study with other guys.  I've been in a couple of those, and it kind of you know—it didn't feel great.  I just don't have the margin for it. Dennis:  Well, you've got to create the margin for it because if you don't—this is the margin you create to live.  It is back to the illustration of Jesus being the one who claimed to be the living waters.  If you don't have time to study about Him and His claims about life and how you as a man ought to live, then how are you going to know how to live as a man?  How are you going to know what God expects of you?   It is instructive to me that as David as dying when he turns to his son, Solomon, it is primarily focused upon the Scripture.  He is charging Solomon: follow the law, obey the Scriptures, do all that God has commanded you to do today.  Why?  Because he said you are going to find life.  He didn't say you'll find you'll find the living water, but it might as well be written there.  That's what he's talking about.   So, the question for men today is “Where you going to find out about life?”  If you're just punching the clock and doing your forty, fifty, sixty hours a week of work and not taking time to grow spiritually, there are some warnings in the Bible about the man who is not into the meat of the Word.   He's not digging into the Scriptures and finding out how it applies to where he is today, to the choices he's making, and to his responsibilities as a man, husband, father.  Maybe a single guy needs to find out what does God expect from me today. By the way, Bob, there is nothing magical, mystical, or spiritual that is going to automatically make you a man of God when you get married to all of the sudden start leading your wife spiritually.  In other words, now is the day to begin tracking with other men and growing spiritually with them as a single young man.   If you want to know how to love, lead, care for, provide, and nurture your wife and cherish her and provide protection for your family, you need to get busy today as a single man practicing those spiritual disciplines of getting in a Bible study of daily prayer, of growing spiritually as a young man.  Marriage will not make you— Bob:  Right. Dennis:  A man. Bob:  Okay.  So, the guy who says, “Alright, I'm in a Bible study.  I am growing.  I'm reading my Bible.  I'm having a quiet time, but I still feel intimidated with the thought of coming to my wife and saying, ‘Let's read this together' or ‘Let's pray.'  I think part of the intimidation is she knows the real me.  She has seen my feet of clay.  For me to come and say, ‘Well, let's pray together.'  She's going to think, ‘Oh, how come you're all of the sudden so spiritual.  You, who I just saw being carnal thirty minutes ago?'” Dennis:  Yelling at our kids. Bob:  Yes. Dennis:  Okay.  So, we fail.  Who doesn't fail?  We're not all living out this perfect, cookie-cutter lifestyle of being these perfect, little Christians.  If we're speaking to a wife here who tends to be focused on what her husband does wrong, why don't you try catching him doing what's right?  Why don't you, the next time he does something to attempt to lead your family spiritually, say, “Sweetheart, that was fantastic.”   It may have only been prayer at the dinner table, but you know what?  He stepped up and stepped out and provided some spiritual leadership of his family.  So, rather than doing it for him as a wife, instead catch him doing it right and cheer him on and don't always be focusing on where he has failed. Bob:  You think this issue of a man providing spiritual leadership is central to being fully on that manhood step to really embracing what God's called us to be as men? Dennis:  I do, Bob.  The reason is as men who are standing on this manhood step looking down to our sons who are at various stages of growth, stepping up themselves.  They're locked onto our lives like little radar units: picking up what we're about, what our values are, what our priorities are.  Who we are as men, what we're attempting to be, and how we're attempting to lead is caught by our sons. One of my favorite poems that was shared here on FamilyLife Today a number of years ago by Coach John Wooden, was actually a poem that was given to Coach Wooden.  It just reminds us of how powerful a man's model can be to his family.            Coach Wooden [recorded message]:  Well, the poem you're thinking of was given to me when my son was born in 1936.  I finished a project for Harcourt, Brace, and Company.  They sent me a picture with a man walking along the seashore and his little son is trying to step in his foot stamps just behind him before the wind brushes them away.  There were some lines along the side that said: A careful man I must always be, A little fellow follows me.  I know I dare not go astray, For fear he'll go the self same way.   I cannot once escape his eyes. What err he sees me do, he tries.Like me, he says he's going to be, This little chap who follows me. He thinks that I am good and fine.Believes in every word of mine.The base in me he must not see, This little chap who follows me. I must be careful as I goThrough summer's sun and winter's snowBecause I am building for the years to be This little chap who follows me. Dennis:  Bob, as men, it is better for us to fail in an attempt of leading our wives spiritually than doing nothing.  Perhaps the greatest and most courageous thing a man who is listening to this broadcast will ever do, will be to take his wife's hand and say, “I want to lead you in prayer” or “I want us to pray together as a couple.”  These are not minor deals. When a couple bows before Almighty God, their souls can be knit together by the One who made them.  It is worth it, just like David's charge to Solomon: be the man, show yourself strong, obey God. Bob:  Yes.  I think a lot of guys miss the fact that our walk with God and our spiritual leadership is central to stepping up.  You know they look at kind of the machismo of the culture, and they say, “Well, okay, being a man is all about physical strength.  It's all about daring, courage, or heroism.”  We would agree with a lot of those things; but at the core, you've got to be God's man. Dennis:  Right. Bob:  You've got to be a man who is in pursuit of a right relationship with God in Christ and who is leading others in that direction.  Otherwise, it is all about self.   I am hopeful that many of our listeners are going to call us this week or go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy of your new book.  It is called Stepping Up—A Call to Courageous Manhood.  You can request a copy this week if you help with a donation to support FamilyLife Today.  We are listener supported.  Those donations are what keep us on this station and on our network of stations all across the country.   So, this week if you make a donation, we want you to feel free to request a copy of the new book, Stepping Up, by Dennis Rainey.  The book is not currently available in stores or on Amazon.  So, if you are interested in a copy, you'll need to contact us.  If you're interested in multiple copies for a men's study or a group's study, you can contact us; and we can let you know how you can purchase additional copies. If you make a donation this week online at FamilyLifeToday.com, just type the word “STEPUP” into the online key code box.  When we see that, we'll know to send you a copy of Dennis' new book.  Or call 1-800-FL-Today, 1-800-358-6329.  It's 1-800- F as in “family”, L as in “life”, then the word “TODAY”.  When you make a donation, just ask for a copy of Dennis' new book, Stepping Up; and we'll send it out to you. Now, tomorrow, when we come back, we're going to talk more about the characteristics of authentic, biblical masculinity.  That is coming up tomorrow.  I hope you can be here. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. We are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?2011 Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com 

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. A Call to Manhood Guest:                        Dennis Rainey          From the series:       Stepping Up (day 5 of 5) Bob:  As a husband and as a dad, Dennis Rainey has not always done it right.  He remembers times when he embraced his role to lead courageously. Dennis:  I remember one time when our daughters came downstairs ready for church, and one of our daughters was wearing a dress that was immodest.  Instead of telling her to go change I was wimpy.  I didn't engage her because I didn't want to experience the pain of the conflict, and so I was a good man who did nothing.   All of us make mistakes that we can look back on and have some regrets about, but the key is, as we look forward, how are you going to protect your family today?  How are you as a man going to take responsibility and not give evil a chance to triumph in your family? Bob:  This is FamilyLifeToday for Friday, March 11th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  We'll talk today about what it means for a man to be on the alert, to stand firm in the faith, to act like a man and to be strong, to let all that he does be done in love.   And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us.  You think those who have been with us all this week have been kind of feeling the – smelling the testosterone as we've been talking about what authentic manhood ought to look like? Dennis:  Calling men to step up.  In fact, a call to courageous manhood is what we have been talking about.  You know, here's the thing, Bob:  We watch TV.  We watch a sporting event.  We watch the golfers, the football players, the baseball players, basketball, doesn't matter what season it is, and you hear somebody say, “He stepped up his game.” Bob:  Yes. Dennis:  We're used to using this phrase, stepping up.  It is used all the time.  Now I know I am sensitive to those two words because that's the name of a book that I just finished, that I've been working on for more than 10 years.  But I do feel like men today need someone in their lives calling them to step up and out of boyhood and adolescence and step fully into manhood and to be the man God made them to be. Bob:  Well, and we've already acknowledged this week that this is a theme that God seems to be stirring in our culture today.  We talked about the movie that's coming out in the fall that the folks at Sherwood Baptist have put together called Courageous.  It's around the same theme. Dennis:  It is.  In fact it's interesting that so many different Christian organizations, groups, and churches are all raising the same issue.  The guys at Sherwood seem to have their fingers on a pulse that I believe is something God wants to do in the church.  I think this movie is going to stir individual Christians, and I hope men to step up and be courageous in their most fundamental callings in life. Bob:  Give me a definition of courage.  Can you do that?  I mean, how do I understand what courage looks like biblically? Dennis:  Well, courage is doing your duty in the face of fear.  Doesn't mean you don't have fear.  In fact, one of my favorite questions to ask at a dinner table – I think you've probably been at a few meals – Bob:  I've been the victim of this question before, yes. Dennis:  You get at a table that's a round table and has four or five couples at it, or ten people at your table.  You hate to bore one another with yourselves, you know.  Life is too short.  Let's cut to the chase; let's talk about some stuff of meaning, you know?  So I like to ask the question, “What is the most courageous thing you've ever done in all your life?”  It's been interesting to look at how people have answered it.   People have talked about a decision at work to push back against deceptive business practices where it could have cost them their jobs, maybe stepping away from their existing job and pursuing a dream.  Others have protected an unborn life.  I've heard young men answer this question talking about stepping up and away from pornography.   But the most frequent answer to the question, “What's the most courageous thing you've ever done?” usually involves the person's father, where they stepped up and either took another job and didn't go to work for the family company – recently I was at a dinner table and a man said “It was my decision to not go to work for my father but go to college.  I was the first person in our family to go to college.”   There's something about our parents, standing up to our parents and taking a stand for what we believe God wants us to do that calls upon a bedrock of courage from a man's life. Bob:  And not to do that disrespectfully; to do it in the context of honor, but there is something about declaring, “I can navigate life apart from your guiding me.” Dennis:  I actually think it is a form of a rite of passage, as you've said, to adulthood, where we take a stand and we go, “You know what?  I'm my own person.  God has a plan for me.  I'm fulfilling that plan, and I will honor you, but I am going to be obedient to the God who has called me to do this thing.” Bob:  What you've done in the book is kind of chart the trajectory a man follows from boyhood, which dads can help make more intentional for their sons by pointing them in the right direction and calling them onto the right path, and then adolescence, which is full of all kinds of traps that a young man needs to be navigated through so that he can get to mature manhood. Dennis:  And one that every man needs to understand that his son desperately needs him to engage him during this period of time and not just kind of wipe his hands and say, “It's done.  He's a teenager now; he's 16, 17, 18 years old.  My influence is over.”  No it's not.   There will come a time when your influence will be lessened substantially, but until that time we're charging men to reach down to those young men in adolescence and call them fully up to the manhood step.  Step on up to what it means to be a man, and step away from, well, the lure of childishness and acting like a boy and prolonging youthfulness too long. Bob:  Well, if a guy is going to call younger man to step fully up onto the platform of manhood, he's got to be there himself, and to be there he's got to know what it looks like.  And as we've already said, a lot of guys just don't know what it looks like.   You've said it looks like taking initiative rather than just drifting into passivity, and one of the places where that initiative starts is in the area of spiritual initiative:  being a spiritual leader in a marriage relationship and in a home, in a community.  A single man can still be a spiritual leader in his community, whether he's exercising that in a home setting or not.  But it goes beyond spiritual initiative, doesn't it? Dennis:  It does.  It goes to the area of protecting, protecting your own life, your own heart; protecting your wife; and protecting your children and your family.  I believe, for a number of men today, Bob, I believe they are being called to protect their community.  They are being called to make a difference where they live, in their church, in their neighborhood, perhaps in a larger span of control in their community or state.  But I believe men are called to protect others who could be preyed upon by evil.   One quick quote here:  it's a familiar quote by Edmund Burke.  He said, “All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”  I actually spent a good bit of time in one of the chapters of the book talking about how good men, really good men, can easily do nothing.  In fact, from my own life I wrote about some of the things that I wish I had pushed back against.   As a single man, I didn't push back against peer pressure, and I went with the flow.  I'm ashamed of the evil that I encouraged and participated in.  As a married man, early in our marriage I didn't protect my wife when we had six kids in ten years, for example -- all the demands and expectations of others who had no idea of the load she was carrying.  I should have protected her.   I remember one time when our daughters came downstairs ready for church, and one of our daughters was wearing a dress that was immodest.  Instead of telling her to go change I was wimpy.  I didn't engage her because I didn't want to experience the pain of the conflict, and so I was a good man who did nothing.  And then there was a time when a teacher at school really wasn't being very fair or kind to one of our children, and I allowed it to go on too long.  I finally did step up, but I should have stepped up sooner.   All of us make mistakes that we can look back on and have some regrets about, but the key is, as we look forward, how are you going to protect your family today?  How are you as a man going to take responsibility and not give evil a chance to triumph in your family? Bob:  You know, I'll never forget hearing an essay on the radio.  This was more than a decade ago.  The essayist is a woman named Frederica Mathewes-Green.  She was talking about her daughter working at a pizza restaurant, and her daughter was a delivery driver for the pizza restaurant.  And she said, “My daughter told me that one night at work an order came in and they read it out.  She was the next one to take out pizzas, and they read out, ‘Okay, here's your order.  It does to –‘and they read out the address.”  She said, “The guy standing next to me grabbed it out of my arms and he said, ‘I'll take that.  You're not going to that part of town.' “  And Frederica Mathewes-Green said, “You know, we live in a culture that talks about gender equality and gender neutrality, but,” she said, “everybody can resonate with the idea that there are parts of town that you don't let young women go to by themselves.  They go accompanied by someone who will protect them.”  This idea of men being the protectors, I think goes bone-deep.  I think it resonates in the hearts of men and in the hearts of women.  Dennis:  It does, and I'll give you an illustration from our own marriage and family recently.  We just had our 17th grandbaby born, a little girl, Alice Pearl, six pounds, four ounces.  We're excited to welcome Alice Pearl to the family.  The question was, was Barbara going to go visit our daughter and son-in-law and celebrate the birth of the baby, and was she going to do it alone, or was she going to do it with me?   My schedule was such that I had a good excuse not to go, and yet, as I stepped back, I was actually thinking along the lines of the story you just told, about the wrong part of town.  I just don't like the idea of my wife traveling by herself, and if I can travel with her and get the car and get the bags and get the hotel room and get there safely, that just seems more prudent, rather than allowing my wife to go by herself.   She's gone by herself on occasion.  This particular occasion I could have stayed home.  But I chose to go with her because I wanted to see my granddaughter for one thing, and my daughter, but I also wanted to protect my wife.   There are a number of principles that I write about in the book Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood that I just want to list here, Bob, just in terms of coaching men on how to protect their wives and their families.   The first one is protecting your marriage.  I don't meet with women alone for lunch.  I don't have lunch with any other woman other than my wife.  I don't travel alone in a car with a woman other than my wife.  I don't meet with women in my office unless the door is open, or there's a window there, clearly evident, where everybody can see what's taking place in there.   As a man, you have ways that you communicate to your wife that you're protecting and preserving your marriage and your relationship.  Some of these things might seem like small matters, but to our wives it builds thirty-foot thick walls that are a hundred feet high around your marriage relationship, and it lets her know that you're the man, you're taking responsibility for her, and you're going to protect your relationship. Bob:  So as men we need to take initiative to establish concrete ways that we protect our marriage.  What else does protecting look like for a man? Dennis:  Well, there's one more way, too, that I forgot about, Bob.  We have date nights, a standing date night on Sunday night during the child-bearing and child-rearing years of our marriage.  Now we're empty nesters, so we can have a date any night.  But we took the time to preserve and protect our marriage in the midst of raising kids.  A lot of our listeners are in the midst of some of the most challenging days they'll ever experience as couples.   I just encourage the dads listening; find a way to discover a babysitter.  If you want to give your wife a great gift some of your wives would – they'll go crazy.  They'll say, “You found a babysitter so we could get away, so we could talk, so we could have some time together?”  That's really important in terms of protecting your marriage.   When it comes to protecting your family and your children, one of the most exciting ways that we've come up with here at FamilyLife is Passport to Purity.  There are a number of families that are taking their 11-, 12-, 13-year-olds through a weekend getaway called Passport to Purity.   There's nothing better than a dad getting away with his son and listening to those CDs and talking about issues of peer pressure, of self-esteem, of who God is in the young man's life, of moral boundaries, and also talking about sex and how far you're going to go with a girl prior to marriage, and helping that young man establish spiritual and moral boundaries in his life.  A boy at the age of 10, 11, 12, 13 really needs a daddy to talk with him honestly and frankly about this, and doesn't need him to back out of his life and allow the world to educate him. Bob:  Well, and you're up against some pretty stiff competition as a dad, because – Dennis:  Tell me about it. Bob:  -- the peer group, the culture, the impulses of your child's heart and life. Dennis:  The media that has access to your child's life.  If there has ever, ever been a time for men, and I'm going to use an old, agricultural term here – I know that, but the imagery is good – Jesus used it.  If there's ever been a time for a man to have both hands on the plow, looking straight ahead, knowing where he's going and how he's doing, it's today, especially with his marriage and with his children.  Helping your sons grow up to be young men who understand the sex drive and what's about to happen to their bodies before it happens, so they're not caught off guard. Bob:  Right.  You've got to be alert, you've got to be in the game, you have to know what's coming, and you have to be involved.  And that's not just during the pre-adolescent years.  That's all through adolescence. Dennis:  Yes.  And Passport to Purity will give you a great weekend with your son.  It also is a great weekend for a mother-daughter.  But what it does, is it will establish a foundation of knowledge and experience with your son so that, from that point, as you go through 13, 14, 15 years of age, all the way through adolescence, you'll be able to revisit those themes with your son.  And you'll be able talk with them about a simple illustration of how close to the edge of the cliff are you going to go with the opposite sex, son? Bob:  Right.  Right. Dennis:  So when you say that, instantly he knows exactly what you're talking about, and you can re-engage with him.  Our sons need us to engage with them, and especially around issues like pornography, not asking if they've seen anything, but what have they seen?   If you have a child who is 13, I'm sorry to report to you, but more than likely they have been exposed to some kind of pornography.  I would much rather my son, at the age of 13, 14, or 15 share that he had seen it and what he had seen and talk with me about it, than bury it and screw the lid down tight and hide it and be confused by it, and never talk to me as a father or his mom about it.   I would much rather that he talk with me and have the conversation and get it out in the open so we can talk about it.  And we can talk about the enticement, and we can have a discussion like you find in Proverbs chapters 4, 5, 6, and 7, where the older father is advising and admonishing the young man about the harlot, the prostitute, the one who entices with her dress, her look, and her invitations. Bob:  What does it look like for a dad to be protecting his daughter through the adolescent years and beyond?   Dennis:  Well, I think I mentioned this earlier, but I think a Dad needs to interview his daughter's dates.  I said plural, didn't I?  They will have multiple dates, more than likely. Many of our listeners have heard me talk about this, how I interviewed, I don't know, somewhere around 30, 35 young men.  I actually wished I'd had a t-shirt made that said, “I survived Mr. Rainey's interview.”   (laughter) But, you know, Bob, young men today really need dads to engage them and expect them to treat their daughters with dignity and nobility.   I got an email from a dad who had ready my book, Interviewing Your Daughter's Date, and he had interviewed a young man, and he talked about what he wanted to be when he finished growing up and was in adulthood.  The young man said, “I might like to be a fireman.”  And the father said, “That's good.  That's good.”   They finished their conversation, and evidently the young man passed muster because he allowed his daughter to go on a date with this young man.  And when the young man arrived at the door to pick up the father's daughter, the father stepped forward with the daughter, and also with something unusual in his hands; he had a fire extinguisher.   (laughter) He sent the fire extinguisher with his daughter and the young man -- Bob:  You want to be a firefighter, here's a tool, son. Dennis:  -- on the date!  That's a true story.  Happened to one of our listeners and they wrote us to tell us about it.  Here's the point:  As dads, we need to engage life where it's happening with our kids.  One of the big areas is a relationship with the opposite sex.   I haven't written this book, because I haven't finished interviewing all the guys yet that I have to interview, but I also think that dads need to have some heart-to-heart conversations with the young men who come to ask for their daughter's hand in marriage.   I've told the young men who have come to me asking for my daughters' hands in marriage that they could ask for the hand, but they couldn't have it until they meet with me and have four conversations around issues I know they're going to face after they get married.   Now here's the point, Bob:  After they get married, these conversations are off limits unless the young man invites you in to have these conversations.  But until he gets the prize, as a father – Bob:  The door is wide open. Dennis:  -- I'm telling you, it's not only open, it is our responsibility as daddies to protect our daughters before these young men get the prize, because after they get the prize, they may not be quite as teachable from you as a father as they currently are. Bob:  Well, and of course we've got copies of your book, Interviewing Your Daughter's Date in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.  And then Voddie Baucham wrote a book that's like the one you're talking about writing; he wrote a book called What He Must Be. . . If He Wants to Marry My Daughter, and we've got that in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center as well, so if our listeners are interested they can go online and get copies of those books.   But I think the big point you're making here is that there's a role that men play as protectors, and it's a part of what authentic, courageous, mature masculinity looks like.  And you cover that in the book that you've written called Stepping Up—A Call to Courageous Manhood, and I want to encourage our listeners to get a copy of that book this week.   In fact, if they can help us with a donation this week to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today, we'll send the book to them as a thank you gift.  All you have to do is go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and made a donation.   When you do, type the words “STEP UP” into the key code box on the online donation form, and we'll send a copy of Dennis' brand new book, Stepping Up—A Call to Courageous Manhood.  We'll send that out to you as a thank you gift for your donation.  Or, call 1-800-FLTODAY, make a donation over the phone, and again, ask for a copy of the book, Stepping Up, and we'll send it to you.   If you'd like to order multiple copies, those are available for sale.  You can find out more online or when you call us, but we want to make the book available this week to any of you who will help support the ministry.  We appreciate your financial support.  We are listener supported; without your donations we could not continue on this station and on our network of stations all across the country.  So thanks in advance for whatever you are able to do in supporting FamilyLife Today. And with that, we're going to wrap things up.  Hope you have a great weekend.  Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend.  And I hope you can join us on Monday.  Kay Arthur is going to be here, and we're going to talk about the problem of pain and about what the Bible has to say about it.  She has just written a new book called When the Hurt Runs Deep, and we'll visit with her on Monday.  Hope you can be here as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.  However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.  If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  2011 Copyright © FamilyLife.  All rights reserved.www.FamilyLife.com    

Right now, were going to get back in to Ephesians. We are in Chapter 6 together. We have one more week after this week, and the Book of Ephesians will be wrapped up. Were talking about spiritual warfare, and weve spent several weeks now [on this topic]. This is our third week on that chapter, and were talking about the opposition that the church encounters; and Paul here, as he calls himself, an Ambassador in Chains, writes from prison in Rome. He concludes his letter by talking about these unseen forces that are working against the purposes and plan of God. Theyre an opposition to the teaching and the work of the church. I had an opportunity this past week to play in a father/son game at my daughters school. Even though I dont have a son at this school, I have a daughter; and if you have a daughter playing basketball there, then the dads are welcome to play in that game. So I was reminded of a couple things. Number one, the game was for fun-it was just an exhibition game-but I was also reminded that the fathers have never lost to the sons and that this year should be no different. We should make sure that we have fun but make sure that we win, so during the game we started off a little slow, but we picked things up. We started to get a little bit of a lead, and then the ref kinda helped out. If the ball was gonna go out of bounds for the boys, theyd push it back in or theyd give them an extra free through, or theyd not call a foul that they should have called. They were just kinda helping the boys to stay in the game. It just seemed to me like no matter how many baskets we scored, it seemed to me like they were always closer than I thought they should be. I remember saying to the ref several times during the game, Are you sure that's the right score? Id just be scratching my head, thinking, It seems like we should be ahead by so much more than that. It got to the point where our regulation, we were tied. There was just a few seconds left, but we could lose the game, so our guys call a time-out. So we go, Okay, were going to set up a play. One of the dads says, Okay, were going to line up on the free throw line, and were going to form a wall. Well throw it in to you, and then were just gonna charge towards the boys. I was like, Are we playing football or what? But it was getting serious now. Then you dribble behind this wall, and then you make the winning basket. Ill try. So we in bounded them. I go up to shoot, and this boy comes and just grabs my arm-not even close. He just grabs my arm. Im waiting for the whistle to shoot free throws, and no call-game overtime. Im thinking to the ref, Well, if youre not gonna call that, what in the world would you call? Why are you even here, you know? That was obviously a foul. So we go in to overtime, and again were scoring baskets, but yet we never can take a lead. It just seems like theyre always like two points down. What started off as being fun is now serious. Seventh and eighth graders are dropping. The body count is getting high. Elbows are being thrown, and its go time because you dont want to be a part of the first dads to ever lose. Finally, we eke out a win, and I remember just being really tired. I was thinking, This is supposed to be a fun exhibition game, and Im just exhausted. Thats when I found out about the conspiracy. I was right about the rest, but it was more than that. The pastor came in, and hed say, Oh, I wanted to give a point to the boys every time the dads missed a shot. Or, Hey, that was a good shot. Give them three points. Or, That was a really good shot. Give the boys four points, so they were doctoring up the score, so youve got the referees, youve got the book keeper or the clock manager, and then youve got the pastor with the sinister plot of making the fathers lose. They were working behind the scenes-like you dont even know. You can see the evidence, but youre unaware of whats going on behind the scenes. Theyre all working together in this corrupt plan to defeat the dads, which they could not do by the way. Paul is describing here a battle that is taking place. He says, As were seeking to advance the Kingdom, as were seeking to preach the Gospel, there are forces at work that you dont see. There is hierarchy behind the scenes, and they are seeking to oppose our mission. They are working against the purposes of the church. Youre going to encounter their opposition. You dont see them, but theyre there. Youll experience the evidence of their work, but be sure that they are behind the scenes. Paul says, Make sure you know that there is a concerted effort. There is opposition that is working against our purposes. He says, So you have to put on your armor. You have to be ready because the enemy is going to attack. Now one thing thats important to understand is the context of this Scripture and about the armor. What he is saying is that Satan is going to attack the church and individuals as we seek to fulfill the purposes of God; as we seek to share the Gospel with the world, Satan will attack. That is what the point is. Its not about somebody who is not living for God or not living for the Gospel being attacked by the enemy. If youre not living out the Gospel, Satans probably not too worried about you. Whatever attacks youre going through are most likely of your own flesh and of your own doing; but the moment you begin to seek to build the Kingdom of God, to share the Gospel and live the Gospel, you will encounter opposition. You might be stung by a bee. You might be out having a picnic or mowing your grass this summer, and a bee stings you. That happens, so Im not saying the enemy doesnt attack here or there; but you go to a bees nest and you shake it up, you try to get honey out of a bees nest, or you bang on that bees nest with a stick, whats going to happen? You agitate those bees-youre threatening them, they are going to come after you with everything theyve got. That hives gonna empty out, and those bees are gonna make a beeline for you-the threat, the enemy-to stop you from what youre doing. Have you ever looked at a beekeeper and watched how they operated, what do they do? How do they dress? The beekeeper is going to come out and get honey and tend to his bees. What does he wear? Does he wear flip-flips, a baseball cap, and a T-shirt? No. He has his bee-gear. He has his hat on which is screened. He has on a full uniform; he has gloves; he has boots, and he is equipped because when he goes to those bees, there are going to be some bees that are going to attack him. He knows hes going to be stung. The attack will happen. So thats what Paul is saying. He is saying, Listen, if you are seeking to accomplish Gods purposes, you are rattling the nest. You are disturbing the hive. You are a threat to Satan, and he will attack you. He will attack individuals. He will attack churches. He will come against. We see evidence of that in our world today. We see evidence of his activity, so Paul says equip yourself. Dont pretend like you can go into this battle unequipped. Make sure you put on the armor of God. He talks about our headgear, our uniform, our boots and our swords, and all the things we use for defense and for offense as we accomplish Gods purpose. Thats the context of the Passage. Now, lets go ahead and open up to Ephesians 6. Pastor Jerry left off at Verse 17, so we are going to begin with Verse 18 (page 1160 in pew Bibles). Were going to talk this morning about the benefits of prayer. We dont have to read very far in this Passage before you realize the importance of prayer to the Apostle Paul. He says, And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind… What does he mean with this in mind? The warfare. The attacks. The opposition. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Pray also for me that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the Gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Before we talk about the benefits of prayer, were going to watch a media our production team has ready for us that talks about prayer. Lets listen. (Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTK57Pw6iPI) Well, one thing about the Thyphone-they are on sale by the way in the foyer as you leave today. No matter how technology increases-you know we have the riding lawn mower, which is great; we have our remote controls; sadly, some of you even have the clapper. No matter how technology advances, prayer is going to remain old school. Prayer is not going to change. Prayer is going to always and forever be you talking to your Creator and your Creator talking to you. Its always going to be hard work too; but there are benefits to prayer, and we want to talk about those benefits this morning. The first one is found in Verse 18. He says, And pray in the Spirit on all occasions… Praying in the Spirit… The Bible teaches us that when we receive Christ as our Lord and Savior, He gives to us His Spirit, the person of the Holy Spirit, to come and reside within the heart and life of the believer. Through the Holy Spirit, we can talk to God, the benefit of prayer. By the way, some of you say, Well, why do we pray? Why does God even have prayer? If Gods sovereign-He can do anything He wants, Hes all powerful, Hes going to do His will anyway-why is prayer even necessary? I mean why does God require prayer or ask for prayer? Why doesnt God just do what He wants to do? Why does He instruct us to pray? You wouldnt think God would need prayer. Well, its not that God needs prayer; its that we need prayer. We need prayer for many reasons. Number one, we need prayer because its a means of fellowship with God. The only way you can have fellowship is through communication, and prayer is a form of communication. Communication works best when its two ways, when its reciprocal; when we pray, prayer is a two-way street. It is through prayer that we not only talk with God, but God talks with us. Its in times of prayer that we receive His wisdom. He imparts to us. Not every time do I pray that I sense a leading from God, but many times we do. Its through prayer that we have discernment of His will, and that comes through fellowship. He helps us to know what decision to make. We experience through prayer His presence. We get to know Him through prayer. It all has to do with fellowship. Have you ever had someone in your life that you were close to at one time and you stopped communicating with them? Maybe they moved away, got another job, went to another church-whatever [it was] your means of communication seemed to leave. What happened in that relationship? You, over time, began to get more distant, right? Because you hardly ever communicated anymore. It seems like weeks turned in to months and months in to years. The next thing you know, if you encounter that person, boy, its almost like theyre a total stranger because there hasnt been communication. Prayer is how we stay in contact with the Lord, how the Lord never becomes a stranger to us because we are in communication. In prayer, we experience His presence. In prayer, we experience His guidance. In prayer, we experience His power, and that might be power to persevere in a struggle or it could be power to equip us to accomplish His purposes; but we experience His power in prayer. Thats the number one benefit of prayer-that it is fellowship with God. Its an opportunity for you and me to engage in dialogue. Notice Paul says that that dialogue is to be ongoing. He says, Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests, all the time. Keep on praying for the saints. Its not something that you cross off your list. You have lists you take with you, right? You accomplish a task. You go to the grocery store, and you cross it off your list. You get gas; you cross it off your list. You have an appointment; you cross it off your list. Prayer is not that. Prayer should never be on your list for you to cross off because prayer is to be a running dialogue. The people that you are close to in your life, you have a running dialogue with. You might have a running dialogue with your spouse, a running dialogue with your children, or a running dialogue with a close friend; so thats not something you cross off your list. Thats always on there. Its always happening, and God is inviting you and me to a constant communication. Thats what He means when He says pray without ceasing. It says that during our whole lives, prayer is a lifestyle. Its not an event. Its not an occasion. Church, ideally, is bathed in prayer in everything they do, but some churches have prayer meetings every week. Thats wonderful as long as you dont cross prayer off the list as soon as thats done, Okay, were done with that for the week. Just like we do our exercise, Oh, I exercised. Im done with that for a couple days. No, no, no. Paul says were to pray all the time, pray without ceasing. That dialogue needs to always be running, always be ongoing. Ill share with you a quick story Ive shared in the past. I didnt share it in any of the services except for this one. If youve heard this story before, and some of you probably have, Ill tell it quick. Its about a pastor by the name of Ken Meyer. He had an opportunity to share a room with a pastor of pastors at a leadership retreat. He was so excited to see this mans prayer life and see how he studied the Bible. He went to bed early that night. As he climbed into bed and he waited for this pastor of pastors to come in the room so he could observe quietly, he watched the man get ready for bed, crawl in his bed, pull the covers up over him, turn out the light and say, Good night, Lord. He thought to himself, What a rip-off! Ive been waiting for this, and all he says is good night, Lord. It was then he realized what he had just witnessed, that this man had had a dialogue with God all day long, so he wasnt coming to the end of a long day and having to kind of just dump all this out at one time; but he had been in a dialogue with the Lord all day long, so when he came to the end of the day, all he simply had to say was good night. Paul is encouraging the believers to enter in to fellowship with the living God. He says, …and always be praying for all the saints. The second benefit of prayer is that it brings us into community with one another. Hes talking about saints that are involved in one anothers lives through prayer. Theyre praying for each other. Youve shared whats going on in your life, and you know whats going on in their life; and you are lifting up one another in prayer. It builds a spiritual bond. It builds a friendship that is strong. I have a friend in our church that I meet with every week. We try to make sure we get together at least once a week to talk. We always talk about sports. One thing we have in common is our love of sports, but we talk about more than that. We talk about our marriages; we talk about our children; we talk about our jobs; we talk about matters of faith. We talk about difficulties were facing, and we commit to pray for each other. We do that every week. Weve done that for years and years, and Ive learned I can trust him. Hes learned he can trust me, and its not uncommon for me to get a text, a phone call or an email that says, Hey, pray about this. This is whats going on with me. Heres a problem that were facing. Ill call him to talk about that, or Ill call him and say, Hey, Ive been praying about it. Whats going on? Hows that going? Thats one of the benefits. You cant have that if youre in isolation, so when were praying, for one another, thats one of the ways God brings us in to community with each other. Were trying to not isolate [ourselves]. Were trying to not just be a lone ranger, but youre sharing your walk with your brothers and sisters in Christ; and youre building those bonds and those friendships so you grow in community. Verse 19, Paul says, Dont worry about praying for me. Ive got everything under control. Theres no better speaker than I, and I am the greatest missionary of all time. So basically hes encouraging them to use their prayer for somebody else because he has the matter under control. Was Paul the greatest missionary ever? Yup, he was. Was he one of the greatest teachers of the Word of God ever? He was. But what does he do? Here in this Passage, he is asking for help. Prayer fosters humility because when you pray and when you seek prayer, when you seek to have others pray for you, what are you saying? Youre saying, I cant do it. Youre saying, I need help, and thats an act of humility. It would be a crazy thing for a soldier to step on a battlefield and say, Well, I dont need my colleagues here. I dont need my fellow soldiers to watch my back, to watch against enemies fire, snipers and all of that. I can see everything, and I can take care of things myself. How foolish that soldier would be. He is dependent upon his fellow soldiers to watch his back, and he watches theirs. They advance together and they accomplish their mission together. Hes not haughty; hes not proud. The Bible says that prayer brings us into a spirit of humility. You cannot do the work of God; you cannot oppose those spiritual forces of darkness in high places in and of yourself. You cannot do ministry in and of your own strength and mind. How arrogant it is to think you can accomplish the work and ministry of God without Gods help. You want to know a boring sermon? Its a sermon that has not been prayed for. The pastor has not come and sought Gods will and sought to hear Gods voice and prayed for Gods anointing and powers for Him to bring that message. Ive taught a few of those before. Theyre bad. You dont preach many of them because you learn really quickly. If you dont pray, it doesnt matter how funny your jokes are, how good your stories or illustrations are, what insights you think you have. If you havent prayed up, that is going to just be a disaster. People are going to be looking at their watch and falling asleep. Nobody [better] look at their watches now. I can see you. Ill use this if I have to. But Ill tell you what-Ive been in places where I listened to a pastor, and maybe it was monotone or boring on the surface, but I can tell when hes been praying because youll get something out of that. Youll be moved by the Spirit. If a church wants to be effective for the Gospel, it has to be a praying church. We have pockets of prayer. We have people who pray, but were not where we should be. We know that. You can say, Well, what if this Passage was about you? What if Verse 18 was written about you? What do you think it would say? He says heres the Will of God. The Will of God is that you pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests, and you pray [while being] so alert. What would you say if it was about you? I pray in the Spirit sometimes. I pray in the Spirit when Im at church with everybody else or would it say, I never pray in the Spirit on really any occasion. I just dont pray. How would that description be if it were spoken of you today? Think about that. If you dont like the answer, you know you can do something about that. You can change that. Through the help of the Spirit of God, you can become a person who enters in to fellowship with God through prayer, community with other believers through prayer who have humble spirits, who obey the Lord, who grow in faith. When you pray, you grow in faith because youre trusting that the prayer is answered. Youve grown in faith because youve seen answered prayer. If the prayer is unanswered, and you continue to pray, youre learning patience. Youre learning perseverance, youre learning to trust in spite of circumstances, and youre growing in faith as well. Prayer is for our benefit; prayer is for our wellbeing. Im going to have a couple in our church, Dennis and Judy Babish [come forward]; hes one of the teaching elders of our church. They have been going through a battle, and Judy is going to tell you about that-a health battle that theyve been struggling with; but as they go through this battle, they dont go through this battle alone. Theyre gone through this battle with their brothers and sisters in Christ at this church. Theyre going to come and theyre going to talk as a living illustration about the benefits of prayer. Dennis and Judy, why dont you come at this time. Judy: Okay, first of all, Id like to share with you that this is a testimony, but I really want it to be more of a testimony to Gods faithfulness and the power of prayer that weve been experiencing over the past several months. I know that there are many people out here that are suffering also from serious testing even now, and I hope that this testimony will encourage you to trust God, not underestimate what He can do, and seek Him through prayer and reaching out to the community of believers here at Faith Community. I also want to encourage you to pray unceasingly with your families, your children. I want to share with you that Dennis and I do pray together, and I never feel more in love with him than I do when were praying because I see that hes vulnerable, and its just a wonderful thing. Its a blessing for both of us. In October 2009, during a routine physical, an X-ray was taken showing a large suspicious tumor on the left lobe of my lung. A smaller tumor on the right lung [was also present], along with various suspicious lymph nodes. After a few short shocking moments, Dennis and I began to pray for the Lords leading and His perfect will. God began directing us to the right people for wisdom, and we knew immediately that He would be along for this next trial in our lives, and God has definitely been faithful to do so. We then called a long-time Christian doctor friend asking him where to begin for medical recommendations. Dennis called the recommended oncologist immediately, and she-the doctor-actually answered her own phone because she happened to be in the office early that day. Surprisingly, she gave us an appointment for the very first time slot the next morning. God had wasted no time. After several biopsies, scans, and an MRI, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer, Stage 5 being the only worse thing, a cancer that statistically has a one percent rate of survival and possibly one to two years of life remaining. While our minds and bodies were somewhat numb, our spirits were at peace for we already knew-that God was in charge. We immediately put this prayer request out to the branch of the Lord Prayer Team. We asked Pastor Jeff to arrange for the elders to pray over me as stated in James 5:14. A surprising number of prayer team members, some of whom I had never met, and many friends were present during the elder prayer. It would be impossible to tell you in this short message how the Lord has blessed us with the faithful community of this church with fasting and prayer and offers for help in the way of day-to-day activities-sufficed to know that this community is ready, willing and waiting to serve on our behalf for the glory of God and for yours too. After two chemotherapy sessions, much to the doctors surprise, a scan was done and found the tumor had shrunk by one third. The power of God continued to be demonstrated. It was decided to try two more chemo sessions to see what would happen. This past Wednesday, I had another scan and then met with my oncologist. Up until now, this very serious professional woman had never revealed one single emotion, but that day when she walked into the room, she was smiling and didnt waste much time before sharing that the tumors had shrunk another one third. She was quick to say this was highly unusually and not expected. At that moment, she recalled that I had told her that I had a very strong faith and that it was Gods statistics that I was interested in. Then she said that something unusual was happening, and she definitely was linking this positive outcome to prayer. I asked her if she believed in prayer, and she said in her usual one-word answers, Yes. Dennis: Well, I know the shrinkage was caused by God, and He was moved because of the prayers and the diligence of those prayers. They were flooding His throne. We can talk about the power of prayer, but these results demonstrate that power. It also glorifies God. In 1 Peter 3:12, it says, For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer… God enjoys hearing our prayers and as a loving Father, He doesnt like our suffering. Why is it then so often that we ignore God and not take our sufferings, trials and needs to Him in prayer? Instead we rely on what the doctors say and what the politicians promise. Paul said in Philippians 4:6 that were to present everything to God in prayer and petitions. James also wrote that the prayers of righteous people are powerful and effective. Here at Faith, we have an excellent prayer group called the Branch of the Lord, led by Lori Fish, but there are way too few members who diligently pray for the request of others and could use more members. Its a blessing to be considered part of this team. If our church became a total house of prayer, God would unleash His power and do things that we cant even imagine, even a revival. The testimony you just heard about demonstrates that power of prayer and Gods faithfulness to each of us. Judy: So, where are we going to go from here in our life? We will continue to trust that God is in charge of our lives, and I want to share too one of the more miraculous things that has taken place. That is that one of our three sons who hasnt known the Lord has accepted Him in the last three months (congregation applauding), so praise God! And it is our deepest desire to glorify God regardless of whatever the outcome is. He and He alone will decide when I will see Him in eternity and what my life in this world will accomplish for His Kingdom. Thank you (congregation applauding). Thank you, Judy. Its not an easy thing to do-to get up in front of people. Youre a scary group (congregation laughing). They did a terrific job. Dennis talked about the fact that prayer changes things. Why is that? Does God change? No, we change. We change. I hope that you will recommit yourselves to prayer. Youll pray for your brothers and sisters in Christ; youll pray for our leadership; youll pray for our church; youll pray for the ministries of our church as we are seeking to share the Gospel. They come under attack in different ways at different times, so I hope youll be praying for that. I hope you will open up and share with others prayer concerns that you have and the context of your ministry, or your relationships, whatever groups you belong to-your small group, the mens group, the womens group, your Christian education classes, wherever youre at, that you will open up and share whats going on in your life as well so that you can enter in to that community with your brothers and sisters. How many of you would love to do that? Youd love to grow in your prayer life? Amen. Lets pray together: Father, Paul has thrown down the gauntlet that prayer is not an event. Its not just an occasion that we cross off the list, but it is a lifestyle. It is an ongoing dialogue with the living God through which we can enter in to fellowship. As we enter in to that fellowship, through that fellowship, we discern Your will. We experience Your leadership, Your wisdom. You endue us with power to persevere, equip us with power to accomplish Your purposes. Its through that prayer that we enter in to community with brothers and sisters. Its through that prayer that we learn obedience, that we grow in faith, and that we grow in humility. Lord, each person in this room raised their hand basically to signify that we all need to improve in this area. Lord, with all those benefits, its just a wonder why it sometimes is a struggle. The reason its a struggle is the enemy is opposed to it. Lord, we thank you that no matter how technology advances, prayer is going to remain the same. Prayer is going to remain the Creator talking to His creation and the creation talking back. Lord, I pray that we would become a people of prayer, a church of prayer, an ever-increasing dimension, that You might change us from the inside out, that we might impact our world knowing that the attack of the enemy is near.