Angel City Zen Center

Jordan takes a critical look at the benefits of zazen and questions whether that was ever really the point, or even something we should rely on. Can meditation become a form of avoidance? Is the need to feel better just one more attempt to control the world? And if Buddhism is really working why do we still wake up with a brain full of a-hole thoughts and feelings? Find out here!

Sara goes looking for healthy ambitions in certain impermanence as she rests her case on training with a deeply personal breakdown and exegesis of her story/koan of the season - Dasui's Kalpa Fire. How do we live a life worth living when society, and our own standards, aren't aligned with our values? Does Zen offer alternative ambitions to aspire to? Is it possible to diagnose our own distress while sitting smack dab in the middle of it?? Find out here!

Dave tells us the full creation myth of how Buddhism says this world came to be, how it's going to end, and all the mishaps and miracles in between. Has all of this happened before? Is everything we love just a lament for what we lost? Was this whole existence thing really a good idea and is there even such a thing as a true story?? Find out here!!

Sara Campbell closes out our first official training ango with a flash fiction final - a brief loving study of our favorite Buddha and Bodhisattva archetypes.

Dave tackles the big Buddhist question of the hour - are we really learning traditional Buddhism over here or are we making up our own thing and covering it up with a set of appropriated robes? Is it actually a problem if we are (and would it be possible not to)? Are lay people even supposed to be meditating? Is the East/West cultural divide too wide to bridge, or too fascinating not to try?? Find out here!!

Poet in residence and long time ACZC collaborator, Matt, generously boils down 14 billion years of carefully cultivated circumstances into one lucid and spiritually eclectic tale of what he's doing and why he's here - from the Zen prone slowness of the South, to the urban chaos of LA, to the sacred solitude of getting lost in foreign lands. Is restlessness a hindrance or a catalyst to personal progress? Can we go off recipe and create our own  practice from whatever ingredients intrigue us? What creative fruits lie waiting for us in the gaps between what we think and what we see?? Find out here!

Dave unpacks the Ryogone, that monster of a magical incantation we've recently incorporated into our laid back secular practice here, and along the way explains how to work with magical traditions in the modern age, the use of chanting and daranis in Zen practice, and a whole a host of legends and lore complete with a battle of five armies. Can the secular among us pray so that it works and what does that actually mean?? What keeps us coming back to our Zen Centers after the honeymoon glow wears off? If we don't believe in ghosts, can we still ask them for help?? Find out here!

Sara hits a roadblock in love and zazen and takes the opportunity to teach us how to turn the worms that turn us sideways into features not bugs. How can insecurity be a source of confidence? What do we do when the “you” who is actually the ultimate “it” is also what's getting in the way of us getting it? Can the teachers who shut us down be the perfect tool for opening ourselves up? And can Mark Zuckerberg handle the depths of our Metta?? Find out here!

In his eagerly anticipated ‘What Am I Doing Here??' talk, morning stalwart and life of the party, Tip, takes us to the pivotal personal moments that turn life around and upside down and led him to become a fixture here at ACZC. What hope does a better tomorrow offer us for today? Is volunteering at your local Zen center selfish if it helps keep you from falling apart? And is paying 15 bucks to stare at a wall way too much or not nearly enough?? Find out here!

Dave takes a critical look at modern Zen's emphasis on daily zazen, going deep on what “practice” means and what's it really for. Is skipping zazen self-care or self-delusion? If we're really meditating all the time, do we still need to sit down and meditate? Do the sun, moon, and stars really depend on our zazen to shine?? Find out here!

Very special guest Kiyo Tezuka joins us all the way from Hikone, Japan to share an epic tale of wayward youth spent as a globe wandering hippie looking for truth before accidentally settling down to the responsible(?) life of a temple monk. What do we become when we're all grown up and still don't know what we want to be when we grow up? Does Western Zen have something unique to teach Japanese Zen in return? Is parallel parking one of those secret magical powers Buddha hinted we might one day attain?? Find out here! 

Dave's History of Zen series returns to visit a war-torn China and the calamities that led to Zen's initial explosion on to the scene. Is Zen uncannily tailor made for upheaval and uncertain times? Were some dubious PR and a sketchy teacher exactly what a plucky young upstart tradition needed? Is jumping on a stage and claiming to be a 10th level Bodhisattva the height of delusion or something we wish we'd thought of first??? Find out here!

After going many rounds mano y mano with the relentless critical voice in his head, Chris reports back on how Zen teachings on false suffering and conceptual thought offer us help with the wars we wage with ourselves. Is it possible to stop having an adversarial relationship with yourself or is it just something we have to live with? Is facing the wall in zazen doing anything to dispel our fantasies? And is it possible to mute yourself both on Zoom AND in your brain?? Find out here! 

In part 2 of our “2 Truths” series, Sara puts both of those truths into practice to find out if there's a middle way between selfishness and martyrdom. How do we work on behalf of all living beings without burning ourselves out? Can we really write off our private little luxuries as somehow good for everyone? Who ultimately deserves the best cut of fish, the babies in the nest or the mom up there keeping them alive?? Find out here!

In this behind the scenes special from our first ever training ango, Dave puts on his sensei hat to give a lecture on the fundamental Buddhist teaching of the Two Truths. Part 1 of a two part series! Next week Sara will show and tell her homework as she puts the philosophy into practice with a personal talk on where the rubber of theory meets the road of reality. If the world really is empty why are other people always getting in our way? Why should we care about theory when the ultimate truth is unknowable? And what are we supposed to do when our Zen teachers just stare at us instead of giving us a straight answer?? Find out here!

Dave dives into the Zen of zero sum thinking and the truth of an "us vs. them" mindset through scenes from his wayward youth. Is there such a thing as being a good guy? How do we practice discernment in a world where no one is separate from anyone else? And can or should we really wish happiness for people when their joy is making the rest of us miserable?? Find out here!

Sara takes a trip down the memory lane of dating and old anxieties around marriage to explore the 12 fold chain of dependent origination - the cycle that creates and perpetuates all our suffering (nbd). How often are we chasing after happiness based on societal expectations rather than personal truth? Why is breaking free from our desires so challenging, even when we're aware of them? And why is LA so disaster prone even (and especially) when it comes to dating?? Find out here!

Pedro wrestles with the wasting of time and how to know whether we're on the right path. Is the way in front of us a confusing multitude of branching streams we need to choose, a bright freedom of present possibility, or a blank void of ‘why bother'? Are we trying to repress our inclinations to conform to a prescribed practice, or finding our own freestyle? Is goofing off a waste of time, or is working hard not appreciating it?? Find out here!

Dave gives us an intro to Zen talk for beginners of all experience levels, including instruction on how to not meditate while meditating, some light (uncannily relevant) history, and advice and encouragements for whole heartedly engaging in the modern day. How do we learn what no one can teach us? Is Zen the avoidant lover of spiritual practices? And does Dave's attachment to it make him the worst kind of ambassador? Find out here!

Gyokei takes an honest historical look at the tough love of monastic training, and the rebels and reformers who tried to improve it along the way. What kind of people are we trying to cultivate, and what kind of monks are we actually making? What does it take for a monk to be so bad even Dogen won't sit with them? And does meeting the great matter of life and death actually require risking your life? Find out here!

Dave looks into Zen's famous wariness towards teachers and teaching, while delving into his own hang ups around the role as he prepares to formally play it. Are we all doomed to unwittingly adopt our teachers hang ups and issues? Is obedience just a matter of finding someone to tell you to do what you want? Is liberation just telling ourselves that whatever we're doing is what we really want?? Find out here!

Dave tries to find some harmony between the power of rigid forms and the chaos of personal liberation, with mixed results, and offers up a practical guide to finding fundamental self worth along the way. Is conforming to tradition a process of maturity, or a great way to stamp out the precious life and humanity from the things we love? Can Zen be an antidote to our corporate consumer culture? Can Dave properly use the word “noumenon” in a sentence without sounding pretentious? Find out here!

Henry eloquently confronts an all too relatable existential crisis of accomplishment as he graduates college and tries to figure out who he is when the stress he knew himself by suddenly falls away. Who are we when our burdens of purpose have run their course? Is setting aside 30 minutes a day to feel panicked the remedy we really need? Are a humble plate rice and beans the best recipe for a hot Buddha Body?? Find out here!

Andy generously shares his personal practice story (don't call it a spiritual journey…) from young Catholic doubts to a midlife crisis that sent him exploring the wilds of the mind in Tibetan Buddhism, and why he turned his back on it to face the wall with us. Can Tibetan Buddhism teach us a few things we lack? Can Zen find a way to help Vajrayana relax? Is anxiety and crisis the best thing that can happen to your meditation?? Find out here!

Henry gets us out of our heads and into our bodies with encouragements for a more embodied understanding of what zazen is really doing with us. How can we convince our minds to let the body take the wheel for awhile? How do we translate a stillness that doesn't speak in sense? Can Henry quote the late great Jacques Lecoq without giggling?? Find out here!!

Dave brings us a clear and lucid roadmap to working through the mind and body in zazen, from distracted self to senseless samadhi through a recently unearthed recording of a foundational practice discussion with his old teacher, Michael Elliston. How can consciousness let go of its own consciousness? Is breath practice mortally dangerous actually? If the willful mind is an illusion, who put it up to that, who's really calling the shots, and… can we have a word with them?

“Would it necessarily be so bad to call out other people, to call out ourselves? What if the fact that we're all sometimes petty, selfish, thoughtless, and cruel doesn't negate us from being people worth caring about?” - Jordan Mylet   Jordan bravely wades into the muddy waters of shi*t talk and judgements in Zen. Our vows tell us to not criticize, they also tell us to tell the truth…  Is liberation always polite? How much self-regulation is healthy in a relationship? Can denigration be a trust building exercise? Are the kids becoming unreasonably nice?? Find out here!

“I don't want to fight things anymore. I'd rather just make them beautiful. If we have to do something, let's make it art.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave tries to find a harmony between practiced embodiment and practical economics while sinking into the ocean of sound, being, and time. Is there an honest living waiting for us on the other side of our pretensions? Can we be sincere while still being savvy? Was monastery life awesome actually despite everything we may have said previously?? Find out here!

“You say you'd like to try to do zazen in order to become a better person. How ridiculous. How could a person ever become something better?” - Kodo Sawaki   Patrick gives a passionate exhortation for Kodo Sawaki's classic encouragement “Zazen is good for nothing.” What do we lose trying to shape our time to fit a purpose? What is the point of a profitless pursuit? Why don't these zennies want to admit how good zazen really is for us?? Find out here!

“It's not that we're trying to be better people by sticking around and helping others, it's that you're kidding yourself if you think you can get off this wheel alone.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave tries to find out if Zen is a wellness practice or a sincere spiritual practice and what the difference might or might not be. Is wellness good for you? Is Zen supposed to be good for you? Can meditation make you too powerful?? FInd out here!

“You are the universe experiencing itself. And you have to respect that… The way that I am is exactly the way I should be. It's not just about stripping you of the stuff that's getting in your way, but also building you up.” - Sara Campbell   Sara raises some deep questions about femininity and masculinity in Zen while looking back on her own life of practice. Were our teachings and techniques really built for all who might attend? Is there a practice that can build us up as much as it breaks us down? Does a meditation of dropping off risk some voices disappearing entirely?? Find out here!

“Zen is not an established technique. It's sitting down and admitting that nobody can tell you what is right but you. No one knows the ground beneath your feet but you. Nobody can bear witness for you. And when something really shakes you, there can be a powerful moment where all of the sudden you just know one thing for certain. But it might be different than what you think.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave goes looking for confidence in a world of certain uncertainty with the story of the time Buddha touched grass and knew one thing for certain. What can we know for certain when the whole world seems to disagree with what we see? Is there a non hubristic confidence that can't be shaken despite all the slings, arrows, and earthquakes that come our way? Is there a non-dogmatic certainty so strong it can shake the earth right back?? Find out here.

“If there is just one person in the world, he will always be neutral. If someone is very angry, but is the only person in the world, he's a little crazy.“ - Kobun Chino   Chris opens up the pandoras box of trying to productively deal with anger. We get angry, we vow not to indulge it, we know we can't wish it away. Is it wisdom, skill, or spiritual bypassing to pretend not to be angry when we actually are? Can we be a jerk without being a jerk? And was driving ever a sane thing to do?? Find out here!

“The most destabilizing thing I know is trying to impose harmony on other people. Because it always finds a way to explode. Everything finds a way to come out.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave looks into harmony and discord, and whether trying to all just get along  means suppressing our unruly little individualities (as much of our teachings and training seem to suggest), weaving myths and legends from across continents and centuries along the way, and bonus! A fresh original translation of the Harmony of Difference and Equality. Is your success as dangerous to society as some might say? Is inconsistent practice a worthy practice of its own? Can we invite discord to the party without ruining the party? Find out here!

“Revenge fantasy #3: Live a satisfactory life. Rescue from the rubble what I still love about Buddhism…” - Samm   Samm brings us the unvarnished story of what she's doing and why she's here as a second generation Zennie growing up in Buddhist America; a story of snake oil salesmen, tyrants, a revenge best served warm, and a Buddhism that somehow survives despite everything us humans try to throw at it. Should we trust the spiritually special? Is it possible to disidentify from your own narrative? Is it ok to wear shorts in the zendo?? Let's find out!

“If you don't want a boss, don't need a boss. If you don't like your country, be a better one.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave takes us out to the odd intersection where the warm fuzzies of scrappy boot strap community organizing meet the wild and wonderful mysticisms of space, time, and being. Can all that trippy transcendent brain candy of Zen philosophy help ground us in the things that matter most, or are they just one more pretension waiting to be let go? Is it possible to live an authentic meaningful life in the 21st century? is it possible to afford to? is it even possible not to?? Find out here!

“Let it run. Let your mind go. Let it wear itself out like a kid running around going crazy while their parents say, ‘They'll sleep good tonight.'”- Patrick Carroll   Patrick draws on the full education of his bartending certificate and his sobriety chips to sort through our most intoxicating impulses with a deeply person talk on the 5th precept - no dealing in intoxicants. Can good Buddhists still enjoy a little beer? How can Zen help us control our addictive impulses? Is the desire for self control just one more addictive desire? And is that new fangled weed the kids are smoking getting them too damn high?? Find out here!

“I have no self. I'm fully responsible for everything. I can't control anything. Also I'll do better next time. Also we don't technically believe in time...” - Dave Cuomo   Do we need to change the world, or do we need to change ourselves? Dave tries to figure out if Buddhism is advocating for supreme personal responsibility, or ultimate social accountability. How do we take responsibility for a world, self, and circumstances we don't have any real control over and technically are all emptiness anyway? Is anything ever anyone's fault? Does the universe being all one bright pearl mean we can't actually get mad at it? Find out here!!

“If you dislike a sound, listen to it again. If you still dislike it, listen to it again. If you dislike that, listen to it again. And if you like something, listen to it again. If you still like it, listen to it again…” - Robert Holliday    Robert demonstrates how creativity can lead to realization in an autobiography of deconstructing himself through sound and music, complete with all the bells and whistles (literally!) as he plays us a symphony of revealing irrationalities. Can we find spiritual security through sound? Is reveling in art just another attachment, or an opportunity for letting go? Are our favorite earworms a distraction or a revelation?? Find out here!

“Don't sell yourself short. It's been done by lesser people than you. It might've even been done by you when you weren't paying attention and didn't count it.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave takes a nitty gritty bare bones look at spiritual attainments in Buddhism while trying to find out where Zen gets it credibility from, whether we can trust them on that, and what we can aspire to ourselves. What are the stages of meditation that lead to awakening? What's beyond them? Is the idea of dharma transmission just good PR? And if we do manage to drop off the cliffs of enlightenment, will anyone else be there to catch us?? Find out here!

“Just living my life has a very big effect on the planet, there's a cost to me living my life. And, I still belong here. I have just as much right to belong here as the crickets, and greedy politicians, or righteous beautiful people.” - Jitsujo Gauthier   Jitsujo helps us find a way through the stuckness of the internalized hierarchies that can both hold us back from actual freedom, and propel us forward into the little awakenings that we can only ever come to on our own. How do we inspire ourselves when our role models and ideals lose their luster? Why should we follow forms and rituals once we've seen through them? If we see a fork in the road, do we really have to take it?? Find out here!

“We're not here to be martyrs, we're not here to take care of others at our own expense. The more I respect myself, the more I  can support and give to others.” - Sara Campbell   Sara tries to find out what it takes to find contentment in any weather. Do we owe it to the world to be pleasant people, and if not can our bs be at least entertaining? Are we obligated to not inflict our negativity on others? Which coast has the better weather for aimless wandering? Is it the heat or is it the humidity?? Find out here!

“Shitsticks become dirty to clean us. If these are not Buddhas, what is?“ - Shundo Aoyama   After a messy month of his own, Dave gives us a Zen (and personal) look at conflict in practice, how it happens, whether it's a problem, and how to work with it in meditation and maybe even with other people. Can we meditate arguments away? Is there a healthy way to incorporate difficult relationships into our lives? For the sake of cleaning up all of our messes effortlessly, should ACZC invest in one of those fancy Japanese toilets?? Find out here!

“The dissidents, the ones who disagree, the most eccentric figures… in the world where Soto Zen teaching is alive, these figures become the leadership.” - Gyokei Yokoyama   Gyokei has an unfortunate incident at his temple and takes the opportunity to contemplate his life choices, question entanglements, questions the tradition, and give us a little deep dive into everyone's favorite poet monk, Ryokan, the patron saint of going reverently rogue. Are all rogues and rebels doomed to being respected? Do our teachers need to find their own teachers? Is it possible to leave behind the worlds that let us down?? Find out here!

“Roshi said, go outside and look at the moon and I promise you, you will be enlightened. but I looked tonight and there was no moon. What's so wrong with us the way we are, Roshi? an angry cloud wants to know” - Angry Cloud   Dave gives us a raw and honest report on his personal experience at the monastery over the Spring. Does Zen inherently breed cruelty and can we find a healthy place for the sociopaths in our lives? Does imagination and creativity have a place in a tradition of, well, strict tradition? Is having faith in your religion ultimately a help or a hindrance?? Find out here!

“If we want to be true to the tradition of Zen, what were the ancients doing? They were throwing away tradition and recreating it for their time and place. And it worked gangbusters.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave returns home from his final round of monastery training with a few thoughts on this whole Zen thing (and a two parter of a talk). This week! The historical context of monks and how and why we train them (next week - personal stories…). Is what we call classical Zen practice actually just obedience training for unruly adolescents? Have we misunderstood Zen and Buddhism entirely? How did monasticism go from being a loose group of sincere seekers to a position of institutional prestige? Did the policies meant to cynically destroy Zen ironically save it? Or did they work and now we're just sitting in the corpse of wisdom? Find out here!

"There's an very easy way to become a Buddha. Stop doing things wrong.” - Dogen   Muhō, Former longtime abbot of Antaiji Monastery (home temple of Kodo Sawaki), treats us to a talk about best practices for farming students and the self, and why zazen alone might not be the answer to Zen. Do each of us really create the whole universe, and if so, how is our practice not about ourselves? Is just sitting enough? Can we teach a cucumber to grow itself? Why can't pumpkins just get along?? Find out here! (Recorded live at Toshoji Monastery)

“One of the hardest things about being human is that you have to be with other human beings.” - Emily Eslami   In a particularly divided year, in a particularly divisive culture, Emily tackles the uncomfortableness of living with other human beings, and how to manage argument and conflict as a practice all their own. When should we speak up and when should we just listen? Is hell other people, or is being truly alone? Has anyone ever convinced anyone of anything? Find out here!

“Illness vanishes. Stress vanishes. Depression vanishes. So where do they go? Don't worry. If you want, you can pull them back at any moment.“ - Gary Shinshin Wick   Corey gets a bad diagnosis and gets inspired to give us some Zen teachings on sickness - how to deal with it, how to view it, and how to work with it as practice. Can we meditate the pain away? Do we take care of the sick, or do the sick take care of us? Does it only get worse? Find out here!

“It freaks me out to even think about ordaining someone whose goodness hasn't been shattered.” - Gyokei Yokoyama   First, we learn to be good. Then we have that goodness shattered. And then, when we stop trying to do anything, the true goodness can shine through. Dave walks us through Baizhang's three teachings to try to find out if we are inherently good or bad by nature and whether thinking like that does us any good. Did we really learn everything we need to know in kindergarten or have we just forgotten how cruel kids can be? Are dogs ever to blame (absolutely not)? Are cats (ok, maybe)? Has scolding someone every helped anyone?? Find out here!

“Be nice to yourself, include yourself in that ancient twisted karma, allow for the inevitability of people just being people and how irritating that is, but then also how beautiful it is too.“ - Jordan Mylet   Jordan takes us on a guided tour of our ancient twisted karma - what it is, where it comes from, and what the hell we're supposed to do with it. Are we better people when we're not being good? Can we blame our parents for being our parents? Can we blame ourselves for being ourselves? Do we need more therapy or do we need more Zen? Find out here!