Blog - Evergrowth Coaching

Bay and I are fresh back from a month off.When we tell people about that, they smile, nod, and say "must be nice".And they're right — it is. But it's also challenging. Most entrepreneurs start our own business, at least in part, because we want to have the freedom to set our own schedule and lifestyle. But if we're really honest how often does that actually happen in practice?On this week's episode, we talk about some of the challenges we noticed leading in to this time off, and some of the distinctions we've created as a result of our time away from the grid.Enjoy!

Everyone commits crimes in a relationship when we're hurting, but some crimes are easier to spot than others.In today's podcast, we go deep and distinguish the two most common crimes people commit in their relationship, the consequence of those crimes, and how you might address them.Please reach out if you'd like the tool that we mention at the end of the podcast.

We all quit, but quitting doesn't always look the way we think it will. In this episode, we look at some of the ways people quit (including ourselves), and how to counteract those.The infographic referenced in the podcast episode is available for download here. 

Today's podcast topic is tidying up.Bay and I are going through our home and discarding, discarding, discarding. What we initially assumed would be a mechanical process involving a set of steps and garbage bags, has turned in to a profound experience, forcing us to become acquaintained with and acknowledge each of our fears, and to get a deeper understanding of our families of origin.Tidying up is not a mechanical practice — it's a spiritual and energetic one, and one that you can bring to your home, your life, your career, your health, and anywhere else that you perceive clutter.Tune in to learn more, and please, share with anyone you think would benefit.

Welcome to Monday.For the first time in a while, we have a new podcast episode out for your consumption.Bay and I go deep in to the distinction of being Driven. What the gifts and superpowers are of someone with this particular tendency, as well as the pitfalls and traps.Tune in and let us know your thoughts, feedback and questions.

In this episode of the Evergrowth Podcast, we cover off the bedrock of a successful relationship: Conflict.That's right — conflict. If you're not experiencing conflict in your relationships, they're not growing. We explain why that's the case, how you are likely creating the conflict that you don't like, and how to use that energy as a source for growth and leadership.If you like our content, please write us a review on iTunes and share.Love!

Happy Monday!On this episode of the Evergrowth podcast, we break down the component's of mastery, and the various ways that people self-sabotage and keep this concept out of their reach.Tune in, and if you enjoy the content, share it with someone else you love.

Good Monday!We're back with a new episode of the Evergrowth Podcast, this time addressing such topics as structures, why coaches need coaches, magic vs. dogshit, and how your relationship to structure is as important to the structure you choose.Please share any comments and questions you have with us — we look forward to hearing from you.

After a long hiatus, Bay and I are back. In today's episode we talk about the distinction of short-term change vs. lasting transformation. There's nothing wrong with either, but if you're committed to developing leadership, both inside yourself and your corporate walls, it's crucial that you know which you're creating.

In today's podcast, Bay and I dive in to take a look at the distinction of missing the point of yourself. Everyone does it, and everyone can see it (or at least feel it) in other people. Ourselves, not so much.Tune in to see what we mean when we tell you that you're probably missing the point of yourself, and that there are some costs to doing so.

Happy Monday!This week, Bay and I hop on our podcast with Bob and Natalie, two coaches that are also in a relationship and work in partnership with their clients to create breakthroughs in their relationships.We dive deep into what transformation has created (and cost) for us in our relationships, some of the challenges that coaches face in relationship, and some tips and resources that you can bring in to your own relationships.

Welcome back from the holidays!If you're like the vast majority of people out there, you probably made New Year's Resolutions — whether or not that's what you chose to call them. Whether it's projects or resolutions, ther are a myriad of ways that people sabotage what they're up to.In today's podcast, we go over some of the most common tendencies people have that get in their way and list out clear ways to overcome them.

'Tis the season to be merry, and with it brings something we're all whacky about: Gifts!Give us a listen as Bay and I distinguish many of the common patterns and relationships that show up around gifts (both for ourselves and everyone else), and what those might reveal about our life going forward.As mentioned in our podcast, you can subscribe to Adam's YouTube videos here.

Oh, hello, and welcome to Tuesday!Bay and I kick off this week with a conversation around the similarities between developing a personal brand and working with a coach. Our guest this week is Monaica Ledell of TruthHacking.com.No video for you today, because all of us were fresh back from the gym.If you like our content, please support us by sharing this podcast on your favourite social media, sending it to a friend, or writing a review for us on iTunes.

Happy Thursday!Bay and I are joined this week by our friend and colleague, Jason Goldberg, to talk about all things related to feelings.That's right! Despite my best efforts, they seem to be insistent on sticking around and complicating everything! The audio file is attached to this post, but you can also watch this episode and see the crazy hijinx we get up to while recording:

Good Monday!Bay and I start the week off by loading up Quora and choosing some questions in the realm of coaching, leadership, and life and providing answers for them.You can follow our public Quora profiles here:AdamBayIf you like this content, send us a message, leave a question in your comments, or e-mail us directly. Thanks for following!

Happy Monday!Today Bay and I look at the work we've been doing to build our coaching practices, and where we get stuck when fear rears its head. Some of the questions we address are:How is being different from doing?How is who I am being different from my feelings? Aren't you talking about the same thing?Why doesn't following top 10 lists, or sets of actions from a book create the change I want?As always, please leave us your feedback, review us on iTunes, and share us on social media.

Happy Thursday!Even though Bay and I are on vacation, we decided to release a podcast, because we care about you, and frankly, because we have fun doing them. Tune in and listen to determine why this episode references turdsicles, and how you might be licking one.The two books we mentioned were:Last Word on Power by Tracy GossStraightline Leadership by Dusan Djukich (scroll to the bottom for the book)

Happy Election Night Canadians!In the heat of #ELECTIONWATCH2015, Bay and I take a break out to do a podcast about projects, our relationship to our own projects, and some of the other relationships we have seen show up in our coaching practices.Tune in to see how we sabotage what we're up to in life, and get a sense of how you may do the same.The TED tak Bay mentioned is available here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozcIf you like our podcast, please share it on the social media of your choosing, and even better, write us a review on iTunes. We greatly appreciate your support.

Welcome back from what was, for us, a restful weekend. Ironically, along with getting lots of rest, both Bay and I found ourself hanging out in overwhelm. We take a look at what's up for us, our relationship to overwhelm, why having overwhelm is a good thing, and what you might do with it.If you like this content, please leave us a review on iTunes, share it with someone you love, and join our community on Facebook, Uncommon Courage.

Hello! Bay and I spent the last five days in Santa Monica as part of a leadership team serving over 150 coaches and leaders.Today we debrief on the experience, what showed up for us, how we abdicated from our own leadership, and how we stepped back in to it.Tune in to hear about the journey, and get some clarity on the difference between speaking leadership and being a leader.The books we mentioned are:Your Inner Council by Stacy NelsonOnly 10s: Using Distraction to Get the Right Things Done by Mark Silverman

Happy Monday! Bay and I are fresh back from a week of vacation and a weekend in Vancouver for my brother's wedding, and we're taking a look at what showed up when we took off an entire week.Spoiler: The title of the podcast is a bit of a give-away.If you liked this podcast, please share it via Facebook, iTunes, or any other medium you choose. We'd love to hear from you. Leave a comment or send us an e-mail and let us know what you thought, and what you'd love to hear us take on next.

It's Monday, and that means it's time for another podcast.This week we take a look at that elusive subject, time, and our relationship to it. How does our relationship to time impact our life and what we're up to? Why doesn't better time management skills, a new calendar, or hiring an assistant seem to make a different in the long run?Tune in today to find out.Resources mentioned:Time Warrior — Steve Chandler

Imagine a boy who is told that the only muscle in his arm worth worrying about was his bicep. His parents felt that bicep growth was important, so they worked hard to instil this work ethic in the young boy.They shared stories about how people with large biceps had saved other people from injuries (by lifting carts off them, etc.), and they would ask him often if he'd done his arm curls that day.When the boy would be using a different part of his arms (say, his triceps), the parents would say "Hey, make sure you put in some work on your biceps". The child would dutifully look at the problem anew, and figure out how he could solve it using his biceps. This boy was committed to being a good, strong worker, and so he listened to his parents.Now fast forward 30 years. Let's look at the world this now-grown man lives in.His good bicep-workout-ethic has grown into something more. He's got amazing biceps — some of the best biceps in the world. In fact, he’s actually won some competitions. People often compliment him on how powerful his biceps are.But he's forgotten that he has any other muscles in his arm. Look at this guy’s life: every problem that he comes across, he looks at it with the question in his mind: “How can I solve this using my biceps?”.That question has become so commonplace that he doesn’t even realize that he asks it any more — it’s just embedded in his subconscious. It’s invisible to him. It’s become automatic. It’s also shifted in flavour a little bit. Underneath his awareness, the question has stopped being, “How can I solve this using my biceps?” — it now looks like this: “Given that this has to be solved using my biceps, how can I solve this problem?”Now let’s look at this guy’s house. It’s predictable that everything inside that house is set up to be usable via biceps. Nothing in this guy’s house requires a pushing motion, because that would require his triceps. It’s all based on the use of his biceps, isn’t it?Now let’s pretend that we sit down with this guy, and share with him everything that is possible if he were to start using his triceps. We talk about how he’ll be able to create new doors in his house that don’t always require being pulled. We’ll talk about all of the different kinds of work that he can do using these newly developed muscles that he never realized he had. We talk about how the limits of what he thought he was capable of would be completely shattered, and he’ll be able to achieve new things that he never imagined were possible.His response will also be predictable. He’ll shake his head. He’ll look at us, and say “What are you talking about? You’re crazy. Look at my house — there’s no such thing as a different muscle group. Everything here clearly proves that I don’t need another muscle group, let alone that one exists”. He’ll take you on a walk through the world, and point to all of the ways that he gets what he needs to get done, using his biceps.He’ll think we’re crazy. He’ll point to the ample evidence he’s collected that proves that biceps are all you need, and disproves that these things called triceps even exist.Maybe if we’re really good, he’ll give us a chance, and do some of these exercises we promote. But as he sits down to do them, he starts to shake as his atrophied triceps try to lift a minimal amount of mass.He throws down the object he was trying to push up, and shouts at us, “See! Look! If these triceps were all you made them out to be, this would be MORE efficient! Not less efficient! And look, I’m shaking like a goddamn idiot! I never shake when I lift with my biceps! Clearly I’m right. You’re crazy. I’m going back to using my biceps”.We are each this man. We have each forgotten about various powers, strengths, and muscles that we have. We have told ourselves that we don’t have them, and looked for ways to get around having to use those muscles. We have each built a house, a world, a life around us that supports us using only what is comfortable. We have each forgotten that we have other muscles, and have had questions like “How do I solve this using my biceps?” sink into the fabric of our subconscious.My job is to point out to you the ways you aren’t using your triceps (and to do my own work with my own coach so I can discover the muscles I’ve forgotten about). My job is to love you when you vibrate like crazy, feel stupid and get genuinely angry at me for inspiring you try to train a different muscle.Sometimes you hate me, simply because I’m the only person in your life that suggests you could do something outside of the comfort of your bicep-focused world. I love you anyhow. I stand for you to develop those triceps, because I think you are magnificent, and I want your gifts present in the world.

Happy Monday!For our podcast this week, we invited our good friend, fellow coach, and internet celebrity, Michelle Akin to join us and talk about enrolment.What the heck is enrolment, and why should you care about it? Tune in to hear more about this fundamental life skill, and how it shows up frequently in our work coaching and developing leaders.The resources suggested:Elizabeth Gilbert's Podcast — Magic LessonsShow Your Work! — Austin Kleon

Good morning PLANET EARTH. It's Monday, and that means it's a great time to tune in to the latest Evergrowth podcast.Today we explore the concept of training. Not corporate training, but the way we train everyone around us, and ourselves, to relate to us. The kind of training we're exploring is neither right nor wrong — but it does have consequences. The better we can be aware of how we're training the people in our lives, the more we can take back our own power and generate something different.Our resources this week (seriously, read these books, if you haven't yet):Getting Real by Susan CampbellDark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie FordOur Facebook group — Uncommon Courage

Good morning everyone! Last weekend, Bay and I poured beers for guests, artists and other VIPs at one of the largest music festivals in Victoria.Today, we take a look at what lead to us doing that, and what we distinguished through that process.The resources we mentioned:My experience leaning in to my fear at a networking event (sometimes telling people you're bored isn't the best approach)Join the conversation in our Facebook group — Uncommon Courage 

This post was inspired by a conversation with Brian Price.He showed up first, and then I did.Or maybe it was the other way around.Whichever it was, the way he had showed up wasn't "right". I could hear it in his voice — feel it in his energy.But I hadn't yet seen it in myself.We meandered for a while. We settled in to the space.He, maybe with a gnawing desire to fix the things that weren't right. Me, definitely with a gnawing desire to take our conversation in the right direction.A coach doesn't have to be far in front of you. Sometimes it's all we need to have someone one step in front of us. Scrambling along the rocks together; excited, anxious, scared.But how can I be that if I'm three steps ahead of myself?I slow down.I let go of what I should be doing. I breathe.I get as present to him as I can.I breathe again.And then I realize that things seem pretty hard in this place he's in.It feels like floating in the sea, trying to grab any piece of floatsam you can to stay afloat. It's not an easy time to declare your course forward.I breathe into the heaviness, and I take on a piece of that burden — if only in my breathing.We're shouldering it together now.Suddenly everything shifts.We're breathing together.We're no longer doing a lot of hard work.We're just working. Together.At the end of our work, we connect again, and I ask him what I could acknowledge him for.He laughed, and shared:"For being a change-maker in the world"And that was how my next breakthrough in intimacy began..

Good morning everyone. Our latest podcast is out.This week, we focus our conversation on attachment to results, resignation, and commitment. How do these three things interact, how do they stop you in pursuit of what you're up to, and how do we reconcile actually doing anything when there's that niggling voice of doubt telling us that nothing we do makes a difference anyhow?(Don't worry — we struggle with these things too).Resources:Benjamin Zander — How to Give an A#UncommonCourage Facebook group (where we post our monthly calls)Practices:Notice places where you're trying really hard or find yourself resignedLook for places where you're telling yourself "I just need to get off my ass and do it."Notice the conversation you're in — is it an upward or downward spiralling one?

Welcome to Monday.Don't worry, it's not all bad — we have a new podcast for you to listen to. It's been about three weeks since we last posted, so it would make sense that we let you in on the secret. What stopped us? What's up? Why would two coaches, committed to everything that they're committed to, just flat out stop?Well tune in today and learn more about the following:Where do we get stopped? What does that stopping actually mean?The distinction of the threat, vs. the perception of the threatWhat are you allergic to?And, the resources we mentioned:Alan Watts — What if Money Was No ObjectOur Facebook group — #UncommonCourageAnd, you can help us!Write a review for us on iTunes hereShare our post using any of the million little options to do so at the bottom of this postLeave a comment and get into the discussion with usJoin us on July 3rd, Friday at 4PM PST, for our first ever #UncommonCourage live call (details will be posted in the group)

I've got a friend.He's aggressive, crude, crass, and very hedonistic. In some ways, I admire him, because he's willing to be a demand for what he wants, and ensure that he gets it.In other ways, he's selfish, destructive, uncaring, callous, and aloof.Sometimes he's a party to have around, but other times, he's a complete disaster and a liability. He'll stay up late with you, go on wild adventures for no reason other than you asked, and get into all kinds of crazy antics.One of the things I love about him is what a badass he is. He's one of those guys that, when you see him, you already feel like there's a little bit of danger to him. You kind of want to protect yourself from him, but at the same time, you're also a little bit excited about the lack of control and the adventure that awaits. Adventure is always a little bit scary, and this guy brings adventure with him.If you haven't guessed it yet, this person is me. Or at least, he's a part of me.He's a part of me that I keep at arm's length, always and forever. I call him the Beast.The Beast is my badboy. He's the hedonistic, destructive, adventurous, exciting, sexy, scary, selfish, daring part of myself.My relationship to the Beast, for as long as I can remember, has been to jail him and control him.I keep him locked up (very effectively), and when he is out, I control him like you wouldn't believe.Sometimes the pendulum shifts though, and instead of keeping him in the cage, the jailor decides "Fuck it, I need a day off", and throws the cage wide open. That's when the beast roams the streets, creating excitement for some people, and eating other people.It's basically just the other side of the same coin. On the one side, the beast is known to be scary and capable of vast destruction, so we have to keep him locked up and under control. On the other side, we simply get fed up of all the control and throw the gates open and thereby prove true the story that he needs to be controlled in the first place.And in truth, it feels pretty good when I let that cage wide open. I'm certainly more relaxed, at first, because I've let go of all the control. And partying is usually a lot of fun. At first. But then, there's the cleanup the next day. And I have to confront the aftermath of what I've created (sometimes when I'm lucky, all that means is a hangover. Sometimes I'm not lucky).And after a while, partying loses its sheen, because I'm a man with a vision and commitment, and I actually want to create during this ridiculous cosmic lottery that I won called "Being Born".My coach pointed out to me my tendency toward trying to create the next action to take, as opposed to taking a look at my relationship to the Beast, and addressing that.Taking the next action, might look kind of like this:"Oh wow, there's my desire to go and party. And look, it's showing up in the middle of the day. Better squash that thought immediately. Let's find something to work on" (the Beast meanwhile, roams around his cage making noise, as I continue to do my best to complete copious amounts of work and ignore what's showing up). This is the type of action that's consistent with controlling and jailing the Beast.Or it might look like:"Sweet! Letting go of all this control actually sounds pretty rad. Let's fuck off for the rest of the day and open up that cage". This action is consistent with the other side of that relationship — open the gates, and deal with the problems later. It's Miller Time!*You can, hopefully, see the cyclical nature of this. One leads perfectly into the other.So instead, my real work lies in taking a look at this underlying relationship, deconstructing that, and then creating something entirely different.The first step for me in that journey is simply noticing what happens when the Beast shows up. When he rouses from his slumber, what happens? How do I react? What feels automatic for me?This is hard work for me, because it doesn't really feel like hard work. It feels more like navel gazing.For me and my people, that's always something we struggle with in transformational work. Everything is meant to be really hard work involving a lot of doing, so any practice like simply noticing our thoughts and what shows up feels a lot like cheating. I'd much rather figure out how to build a better cage, or how to justify the carnage left in the Beast's wake — but I know both of those roads very well, and I know where they lead back to (right here).It looks like the theme for me right now is signing off without a clear moral or message. I'm alright with that if you are**.It's nice to see you again.  * I do not condone drinking Miller. Drink good beer instead.** I'm also alright with it if you aren't.

For a significant part of my life, I self-identified as a skeptic. I dreamed about going to skeptic meetings, and having an impact in the skeptical movement.I was also very proud of my skepticism (most people would instead use the term "obnoxious"). I could see through bullshit, and it was damn hard to get one over on me. I would debunk the claims made my friends and co-workers, explaining why the dowsing rod they were describing was utter bullshit.I would write reviews about pseudoscientific movies, and share them on my blog — here's a review I wrote about Zeitgeist, which I still think is fairly good.But all of it was part of a strategy. Ironically, it was all part of a conspiracy run by my Survival Mechanism to keep me safe.See, like anything else, there's a cost and payoff to a particular way of being.On my most recent coaching call, my coach and I were looking at the fact that I found myself skeptical that anything was actually going to make a difference.I italicize found myself, to draw attention to my language. It tells us something already — notice how at effect it is. It's like, I have no agency in being skeptical. I just happen to "be that way"..The reality is, I'm choosing it, just like anything else. For me, skepticism is fairly automatic. It's a default that I can go in to that protects me.Let's look at some of the costs and payoffs of this pattern.Actually, let's take a digression first.My memories of Junior High were mostly of being terrified. I was bullied, like everyone else, although it was verbal and emotional, as opposed to physical. I was also new to my school, so I didn't have any safe spots. I didn't have any friends that I was bringing to this scary new world with me. It was just me.What scared me almost as much (if not more so) than being bullied, was seeing other kids being bullied or made fun of. This terrified me, because I knew that the same thing could happen to me. There didn't seem to be much logic to this type of cruelty, just that if you were unlucky that day, you were the one that it landed on.The other thing I could not stand to be with was the feeling of embarrassment. Every time we had to do oral presentations in a class (which felt like roughly every two days to me), I would stand at the front, go bright red, vibrate, and stutter through my words. The worst part about this kind of embarrassment was that everyone laughed at you (or at least I created the story that they did), both to your face, and worse, behind your back.Finally, the worst type of bullying of all was the pretend-your-cool-so-we-can-then-make-fun-of-you. The kind that the kids ran on Carrie in the titular movie, right before she snaps. The kind where you finally think that you're accepted, and then it turns out you're a big fat loser that was just getting set up.Oof. Gut shot.So, one of the defensive measures I put in place was creating a strong sense of skepticism. I wouldn't take a compliment at face value — what if it meant that I was getting set up to be made fun of?My attitude was "Better to remain cool , detached and aloof than to accept a compliment, feel good about myself, and risk being made a fool".That approach is fine if you're committed to a life of being cool, detached and aloof, and free of any random acts of kindness.I made my motto "There's no such thing as a free lunch", and then I created a world where that was true (because at the very best, I would analyze the crap out of every single free lunch I was given — and let me tell you, that was a cost, if nothing else was).So, as I pull this contraption out, give it a shake and really look at it, what I can see is that my skepticism is ultimately designed to keep me safe. It's there to stop me from diving in to something and then feeling like an ass.That's problematic when I want to create a breakthrough, because no breakthrough ever makes sense from where you are currently standing. If it did, it wouldn't be a breakthrough. A breakthrough fundamentally changes what is possible in your world. Until you create the breakthrough, those things are impossible. They're not even in the realm of something you'd consider. (So from the point of view of protecting ourselves from looking foolish or being taken advantage of, it kind of makes sense to be skeptical).When does skepticism stop being a choice, and veer into the realm of the automatic for me? (NB: This is really all that matters. There's nothing wrong with being skeptical, or anything else, until it stops being something we can choose, and becomes a default reaction). Usually when I'm worried about feeling dumb, taken advantage of, or unsure of the "right" way to move forward.In summary: every time I feel vulnerable.So, what I'm starting to distinguish as I write this (this post is really much more for my benefit than it is yours), is that if I want to continue creating breakthroughs in my life, I'm going to have to tackle the skepticism head on. It's predictable that it will show up every single time I take on something new and scary (when do you feel most vulnerable?).Hilariously, I was even skeptical about exploring my own skepticism (sometimes coaching makes me feel schizophrenic) — but as I go through this process myself, and with my coach, it's clear that this is a big thing that stands in my way.More as I continue to distinguish this. For now, this is as far as I've gotten to, and as much of my process as I can share with you.

Happy Monday! Today, Bay and I talk about the recent purge that we've been taking on in our home, as well as the underlying breakthrough that we created together that it reflects.(The purging is the doing — the breakthrough comes from the way of being that we've created).Resources mentioned:Uncommon Courage on Facebook;There's Nothing Wrong With You by Cheri Huber;The Enneagram Made Easy by Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele;Enneagram Central — Clarence Thomson's website (if you choose to get typed, we highly recommend Clarence); andRegister for our Workshop Here!Begin your own purge, and share with us what you create.

Happy Monday! Today's podcast focuses on the topic of our upcoming workshop: Getting What You Really Want.Many of us have an experience of either never getting what we want, or getting everything we want and yet still, strangely, finding ourselves feeling unfulfilled.Today, we dive deep into the subject, look at what people will create from this experience, and do some distinguishing ourselves of how we relate to our own wants.Resources mentioned:Alan Watts — What if Money Was No ObjectAnd don't forget to keep a journal of your wants. For those of you that are uncommonly courageous and committed to creating transformation, share them in our Facebook group, Uncommon Courage.

There's a high cost to standing for someone: sometimes you come across or feel like you're being the bad guy. None of us like that feeling, but coaching is a profession that requires it.In today's podcast, Bay and I dive in and take a look at some of the challenges inherent in being a coach.The book mentioned was Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen.

I was doing some completion work with a client, inviting her to get messy and intimate with herself, and really feel what was there for her to feel.But I started to notice a pattern.I would ask her what was there for her to say, and she'd begin to make a statement, and then begin explaining why she was making that statement.So I stopped her and invited her to check back in and simply share the thing that was there for her to share. And she started again..And this time, she stopped mid-way through and asked "Is this making sense?"So I stopped her again and again asked her to check back in with herself, and simply share what was there to share.And then she started to tell me why she thought she kept trying to explain what she was feeling.(She was explaining to me why she was explaining to me!)And I realized that we left-brained high-performers have a problem.We love analysis. We love explanation.If only I can analyze this feeling enough, it will go away.And there's some truth to that, in as much as analyzing and thinking through feelings creates distance between them. As soon as I'm thinking about what I'm feeling, I'm one step removed from it.I'm no longer present to the feeling of it — I'm now present to thinking about the feeling of it.I was a master of this. Growing up, with a huge heart, it was very painful to experience the heartbreak of unfulfilled expectations, unmet desires, and pain (both mine and other peoples). Even things as simple as embarrassment became week-long ordeals to get past.Instead, I retreated up. Up into my head. Up into the safety of analysis and thought.It became a very good tool. I got really good at analyzing what I was feeling, and would get so busy doing that that I felt pretty good about all the "work" I was doing around my feelings."I'm really evolved!" I thought to myself (righteously).The truth was, I was masturbating — navel gazing.I was disconnected. I wasn't present to my own feelings. I was present to my own thinking about my own feelings. (Sometimes, for extra credit, I would start to analyze my tendency to think about my own feelings)..The trouble is that explaining our emotions (whether inside our own heads or out loud) is just another form of resistance, and it doesn't let the emotion flow through us. Worse yet, if you do it enough, it starts to numb you. The colour starts to seep out of your world. You stay safe from heartbreak, sadness, anger — but you numb yourself to joy, love and exuberance as well. You reach a point where you realize you're living in a universe of greys.What happened to all of the colours?(You did).The good news is, you can change this.The way out isn't around, or over, or under — it's through.You return your power when you shift away from explaining your emotions and towards expressing them.The only real question is whether you're willing to experience your life in a world full of colours — because even though that means you get to be with your favourite colours, it also means that you have to be with colours like puce, vermillion, and chartreuse.Which universe do you want to live in?

A terrible aspect of personal development is receiving and allowing feedback. Good news — we struggle with it too. Today, Bay and Adam take a look at their relationship to feedback, and what they (predictably) do with it when they get it.

Happy Monday. Today on our podcast, we take a look at one of the most insidious ways of self-sabotage: Reserving the Right. Not only is it a catchy title, but it's a devious tool for self-sabotage.Give us a listen and drop us a line to let us know what you'd like us to cover next.Resources mentioned:Adam & Bay — Seriously, reach out, create a conversation with us. Even if you aren't interested in working with a coach, we love to hear from our readers and listeners.The Untethered Soul by Michael SingerGetting Real by Susan CampbellAnd, of course, the world outside. Get out there and start practicing.

Well hello there. It's Thursday, and our ninth podcast is available!This week, Bay and Adam take an adventure up Vancouver Island, and while doing so, Adam distinguishes his own stuff in the moment. Listen to the other side of Evergrowth's partnership, as a master coach distinguishes his deepest wounds showing up with Bay's support.Interested in the community we mentioned at the end of the podcast? You can find it and request an invite here: Facebook — Uncommon Courage

We met for breakfast. I liked his ambition, the game he was playing, and his courage. In a lot of ways he was fearless.I liked him because he reminded me of me in some ways. Maybe a lot of ways. I loved how funny he was. I liked that sometimes his humour was dry, and other times it was way out there, wet and wild.Most of all, I liked how big his heart was, even if he didn't see that.Our conversation was safe, for the most part. We explored various aspects of what we're each doing, but didn't veer too far from the beaten path.But then things got messy. We started talking about the distinction between consulting and coaching. Now we weren't just having a conversation. We were having a conversation about something that mattered.Suddenly I had some skin in the game. This was in my house. We weren't just tracking mud around in some random person's house — we were tracking mud on my floor.It wasn't a conversation any more. It was a battle.I could feel the tension. My energy was up. On some level, I could tell I wanted to be right, but it wasn't distinguished. I wasn't able to own that fact.It was actually worse than that though: I had already decided that I was right.There wasn't any space left for his opinion, because mine was the right one. In service of that righteousness, I took us on a trajectory that was messy. Intimate too, but messy. Uncomfortable. Kind of gross and icky.I slimed him.At the time, I told myself it was in service of being powerful. But it wasn't. It was in service of being right.And as soon as I became attached to being right, I created the space for someone else to be wrong. Now there was no space for anything but me being right about what I was right about. Anything else became either a threat to my being right, or something inconsequential to bat aside and ignore.I noticed the impact I was having, and I did my best to clean it up. But the truth was that I hadn't yet distinguished how damn right I needed to be, and I couldn't own what I hadn't distinguished.As I walked home, I could still feel my energy buzzing away. I put on a podcast to focus on, but stopped myself."No. Sit with this discomfort. Allow this energy. Be with what you've created".And then I realized how much I had wanted to be right. How important I had thought it was for both of us that I be right about my point.And as I let all of that slide away from me — as I let myself let go of it mattering whether or not I was right, or even whether it was possible to be right about something like this — my peace came back to me.Because there isn't a rightness to it. All there really is is the way I choose to hold it. Is it empowering for me to hold this belief? Is it empowering for him to hold his belief? Cool. That's all that really matters.I breathed deeply into the discomfort.That was the moment I realized how grateful I was for him. How grateful I was for who he was for me.And then I realized that I had shifted my game beyond simply playing to be right.

I've been experimenting a lot with flow lately — playing with various ways of allowing creative expression and watching what happens.Mindmapping is a short-form of writing for me, and I've noticed that something interesting has started to happen.This morning I sat down to start to do some mindmapping and see where it took me. The aim of this practice is simply to let whatever shows up, show up. When I first started this activity, the plan was simply to let my mind have a space to play in. I called it processing, but it's really more blurting.But then I started to post the results, and people liked what I posted. And then my mindmaps stopped simply being a meadow to play in — they became a means to an end. They became something that I would then post later for other people to consume — and more importantly, for people to like (or not like).Now there's goals in place. There are requirements for how things look. There's a right way to undertake the process.So I found myself sitting there, wondering why the process wasn't working anymore. If anything, I'd made the process better now that I'd figured out the end result that was supposed to be produced.Funny too — it was a lot less fun all of a sudden. It was slow, plodding, tedious... and I had to do a lot more thinking.So I let go of those expectations, and all of a sudden, it flipped back.See, there isn't really a right way to let my mind wonder and open myself up creatively. There isn't really a wrong way either, except when I try to do it the right way.Do you get how weird that is? That's mind-breaking stuff there.The only wrong way to practice my own creative expression is trying to do it the right way.In coach-speak, we call that performance. As soon as you're trying to perform — trying to do things the right way — you're screwed. That's when your creative self disappears. Most of your essence along with it, too.People talk about the concept of flow, and create astounding processes to try and help you get there. There's a right amount of challenge, and a right amount of facility that you have to have, and then you can achieve a flow state.Sounds complicated.I'm interested in being present, with whatever I'm working on.When I'm present, the other stuff slides away. And I notice that the less I concern myself with doing things the right way, and simply allow myself to be in the process, the faster I get to the right approach anyhow.So there's the paradox. The more you try to do things right, the longer it will take you to actually settle on the right way.This leads to all manner of ways of self-sabotaging: procrastination ("I don't want to take it on, I won't do it the right way"), perfectionism ("I can't go to bed yet, I have to get this right!!"), doing things last minute before the deadline ("Well, I HAVE to get the fucking work done now!"), stimulation-seeking ("If I drink enough coffee/alcohol/etc., I'll eventually push past this block"), and others.The funny thing is that all of those approaches are simply ways of getting past the entry-process for what you want to take on. The entry-process is simply the time you must spend wandering before you discover your way.Consider that there's a mandatory amount of time you have to sit in your metaphoric meadow, gazing up at the clouds, before you'll come across your way. You must wander. There's no shortcut.The problem isn't that you wander. The problem is your relationship to wandering.Procrastinators never begin wandering, because they fear that wandering means they'll never succeed. They make the wandering mean they are failing (tragically, because wandering is a necessary component to happening upon the path).Perfectionists, ironically, relate to wandering the same way. They think that it means they're failing, and so, instead of allowing themselves to wander — giving their minds the space to expand and explore — they spend all of their time focused on finding the path. And remember, searching for the right way is what actually keeps you from happening upon the way.So how do you get in the way of discovering your way? What's your favourite(/most hated) flavour of trying to find the right way?Actually, never mind all of that, what are you taking from this? What's the one key piece of insight you're taking from this post? Share with us.Here's what I don't want to share with you: I've sat at my computer and agonized over this post for three days. I've written it, edited it, rewritten, re-edited it, recorded the audio for it two times, and tried to find the perfect picture to post with it. I'm hating on each word.  The truth is, I'm just avoiding the path myself — and so, I know I simply have to hit submit, and let it out into the world.

Happy Thursday. Today's podcast is focused on the topic of getting it right. Bay and I chose to model this in the moment, and so it may be a little bit of a ramble while we get our footing and sort out our direction.Believe us, we'd like it if things were perfect right out of the gate too!The resources mentioned are:The War of Art by Steven PressfieldThe Impossible Decision by Joshua RothmanAnd we love our Moleskine notebooks for letting our mind's wander #ICallItThinkingOntoPaper

Since deciding to stop drinking for a year, and making a conscious choice to minimize the amount of TV I watch, I've found myself with an abundance of time in the evenings.So what happens when you suddenly find yourself with an abundance of spare time, and you've taken away the most common ways to spend that time?You get bored.Or at least, that's what I did."So now what?" I'd frequently ask myself.Impulse number one was to grab for food, or look for a new video game to download. But I'm present to the fact that those are just more of the same pattern, and it kind of defeats my intention of leaning in to my discomfort, living on the edge of my skin, and exploring my potential.Instead, I've chosen to explore my creative outlets. One of the things that I've been spending a lot of time doing is writing. As I loaded up our blog today, I noticed that I haven't made a written post in a while.I sat down to decide what there was for me to write about, and when nothing came up, I mindmapped to see what came out.I've been mindmapping on a daily basis, because it's a great way to let your mind run it's course. Here are the rules:Write a word in the centre of the pageDraw lines out from that centre word and write out whatever comes to mindDon't stop the flow, just continue to write out whatever bubbles upThe rules are easy, and are designed to give your mind free-reign. Think of it like taking your dog to a meadow and taking his leash off. The object isn't to write down the right things, but rather to write down the things.Writing vs. RightingWhen most people suffer what they call writer's block, the real problem is that they've forgotten their job is to be writing. Instead, they've switched over to righting.When you're writing, you simply let the words flow from your head and out onto the paper. It's okay how the words sound, look, come out, and your opinions of them have no impact on whether or not they get to the paper. Your opinions are just another thing happening that day — like the weather.When your'e righting, you're looking for the right words to write. The process of writing becomes secondary to your opinion that you're doing it right. When you're righting, words can't simply flow from your head onto the paper, because you have to ensure they're the right words.Righting takes time and is arduous. Writing is free and easy. It has a flow to it, with ups and downs, like a well-crafted piece of classical music.Righting leaves you attached to the process looking a certain way. Writing is simply being the process.When I introduce a distinction like this one to a client, their first question is usually: "Great, I'm righting! So, how do I stop righting?"That's actually them doing more righting right there! They're looking for the right way to stop righting. You don't need a process to stop righting — you just notice that you're doing it, and you choose to stop.It's like me pointing out that you are repeatedly punching yourself in the head, and you saying "Great, I'm punching myself in the head! So, how do I stop punching myself in the head?" There isn't a how involved. All you do is notice when you're righting, and shift yourself back to writing.Here's how I stop righting and get back to writing:Write 800 wordsHere's how my writing process looks these days: I sit down with a topic in mind I may want to write about. I write for about an hour, usually amounting to around 800 words, judging and hating most of what I'm writing. Right towards the end of that hour, I write a sentence, slap my forehead, and go "THAT'S the thing I'm meant to write about!". And then I erase everything I've written up to that point and start anew.If there's a right way for that process to look, I've just wasted an hour of my time. BUT, if my only job is to be the process, that hour is simply part of my journey.800 words is an impossible goal when you're trying to right them. But when you're simply writing, it's easy. Just write the first word that comes to mind, and then the next, and the next after that one.Bunch of non-sequiturs? Cool! Enjoy the disparate connections that your brain is coming up with. Bunch of profanity? Cool! Fuck piss shit fart goddamn shit! Now they're out of your system. What's next?If you're willing to set aside your own judgment and trust your inner wisdom, you'll discover that soon, the ideas will be coming to you from within.There's no such thing as writer's blockThat's the thesis of this post, and I stand behind it. There is no such thing as writer's block — only sustained periods of self-judgment.Here's the beauty of it — you don't even need to stop judging yourself. You just need to stop letting your judgment stop yourself.  Got a bunch of judgments? Great, write about those for 800 words. Maybe that will contain the most powerful sentence you write all year.When you stop letting your judgments block your flow you allow yourself the space to be creative. From there, the rest naturally happens.This isn't just about writersWe all engage in various flavours of righting. It's the poison of any creative process. Just because I couldn't come up with a catchy distinction for every other creative endeavour aside from writing doesn't make it any less accurate for your particular brand of creativity.Start noticing your righting as it happens, and practice being the process.

Happy Monday! Today we cover the distinction between solving problems in your life and creating possibility. The actions may look the same, but who you're being about it is what determines your success.Resources suggested are:Why Good People Do Bad Things by Debbie FordGetting Real by Susan CampbellAnd lastly, a reminder that we have three spots remaining in our Emotional Mastery workshop, dated for this coming April 18. Sign up here or share with a friend — we guarantee it will be an incredible experience.

Happy Monday!Today's podcast is hot on the heels of a breakdown created by the first time we tried to record this podcast. Watch as a master coach distinguishes her stuff in the moment, and gets to the root of her being triggered.Resources mentioned were:Dark Side of the Lightchasers — Debbie Ford

Hello everyone!Our fifth podcast explores the concept of your fundamental flaw, ways to distinguish it, and how it might provide you value to do so.The resources mentioned are:Dark Side of the Lightchasers by Debbie FordThere is Nothing Wrong With You by Cheri HuberI Thought it Was Just Me by Brene BrownThe Egg by Andy Weir (Short story)And of course, other people that drive you nuts.Let us know what questions you have, what topics you'd like to cover, and feel free to send us flowers.

Although it is slowly being replaced with new theories, there is a fascinating sociological occurrence relating to the indigenous peoples of Malenesia. It is known as Cargo Cult. You can read in depth about the movement at that Wikipedia link, but let me provide the important part for this conversation:The Pacific islanders were dramatically impacted as a result of the Pacific theatre of conflict during the Second World War.Throughout the war, the United States and Japan, would install air-strips and accompanying military installations in various islands in the Pacific, using these as a homebase and staging areas for the battles that ensued. The developed nation would use the island as a depot, bringing in airplanes to airdrop supplies and cargo.Something interesting started to develop after the war ended. The indigenous peoples adopted the outfits, structures and gestures of the departed military personnel.In spite of the fact that there were no airplanes coming, indigenous people would stand on the airstrips and make the same gestures that had been used before when an approaching plane was arriving overhead.At the time, the theory that was developed was this:The indigenous people had noticed that the military personnel were able to bring in a wealth of possessions (cargo). They too, wanted their own cargo, so they started to study the military men.The indigenous people saw what they wore, saw how they created airstrips and other buildings that seemed significant, and noted the hand gestures that the military personnel used which seemed to bring airplanes in.The thinking of the Pacific Islanders was sound: they had watched the military personnel at work, studied their movements, clothing and structures, and if they could replicate them, they ought to receive the same bounty.The flaw lies in the fact that they did not see the entire picture. They saw only the result of the massive military-industrial machine that lay behind the personnel's activities. They were unaware of the manufacturing process that went on, en masse, in the States and Japan, to produce and provide all of the cargo being delivered. They were unaware of all the training and systems put in place that allowed for the delivery of all that cargo.And so they were left, mimicking the doing, but without creating any of the results.The islanders made a common mistake: They confused the symptoms of the manufacturing process (complicated drills, routines and gestures, structures that enable the use of modern machinery, and most importantly, the delivery of products) with the causes.None of what the Islanders witnessed the causes. It was all just symptoms of a larger system underneath.Here's the punchline: YOU ARE DOING THIS TOO.Everything in our world is set up around this basis.Let's start with the high-level perspective, and them look at how this shows up in a few examples.The fundamental problem is that people believe the results someone is creating are a function of what they are doing. Most modern leadership is currently focused on addressing someone's doing. Leadership, along with any other kind of result (effective leadership is a result), is never a direct function of what someone is doing. It is always a function of how someone is being.Here are some common ways we see this paradigm at play:"How can we teach our leadership team the skills necessary to generate an increase in profits?""Ten tips to get a higher raise in your next job review meeting""Lose 10 lbs easily and effortlessly by shifting your focus from what you DON'T want to eat, to how you DO want to exercise!"This list is endless. Let's look at each of those particular examples:In item 1, the question is ultimately "What is the doing that our leadership team needs in order to generate an increase in profits?".In item 2, the article headline is suggesting that if you carry out (ie, DO) these ten tips, you'll receive a larger raise.In item 3, the article headline is suggesting that you can achieve the results you want by replacing one form of doing (focusing on what you don't want to eat) with another form of doing (focusing on how you do want to exercise).This problem is prevalent in the consulting industry. CEOs and executives achieve success in their endeavours, and then write a book espousing how, and open up shop in training people to follow their same process.The problem is that their success, and the steps they took are SYMPTOMS of how they were being, just like the results that they generated. It all arises from the underlying way of being.This is inescapable.That doesn't stop us from trying though.In fact, we push as hard as we can to replicate the doing of success.99.9% of human beings are locked in a desperate struggle to find the right piece of doing that is going to make a difference. And when that particular thing didn't work out, we go out in search of something new and better.The problem is that it's like trying to find the right gesture, piece of clothing, or military building that will bring cargo to your island.You're replicating the symptoms instead of taking on the underlying cause.If you want to create real leadership, results, success, happiness, or any other particular result, you must address your being.

It was the first time I'd met her, and our conversation explored a variety of topics.We had a similar background, and we were both eager to share our experiences.It was an intimate conversation — each of us feeling out the landscape, exploring what was acceptable, what wasn't.I was sharing what brought me into the legal profession, and my underlying story."Underneath it all, I have a story that I'm a loser".I had another forty things lined up to say after that.Each one of them was fascinating; A nugget of wisdom.But they were also a distraction. Each one of them was a pull away from the impact of what I'd shared."Underneath it all, I have a story that I'm a loser".I stopped myself, and put my attention on my breath.I breathed deeply, up into my shoulders, and down into my stomach.I made eye contact with her and shared "I just want to let that have the impact that it deserves. I don't want to run past it".In some ways, I was lying to her.On the surface, I really didn't want to let it have its impact. I wanted to run past it — keep her entertained with my brilliance. Tell her more stories that made it really clear I knew the deeper story wasn't true.I breathed again.Then she shared. "I can never do enough"That time I really felt her. My heart broke in that moment. I felt the impact of that truth.And then I asked her, "This might sound weird, but may I give you a hug?"And then I realized that I was no longer the same person I was two years ago.

Our podcast this week is a little late as a result of our work in Seattle, but we've made up for that by discussing some juicy topics, including the concern that coaching might be a cult (it's not, just keep eating those brownies).Check us out, and please post any comments, questions or feedback you have for us.Ben and Ashley's website is: http://findingparadise.ca.

I'm not saying very much about the goal that you're sharing with the group.You've decided what you're going to create this year — in fact, it already feels like you've created half of it, just in your speaking.You've looked at me expectantly a few times — you know what I do. This must be right up my alley, you're thinking. I'm probably pretty excited for you.But I'm sitting quietly, more a part of the background than the foreground, because I already know why you're not going to create that goal.The problem isn't that you're announcing it to the group (contrary to what 50% of the goal-based research claims).The problem isn't that you haven't made it a SMART goal, or "chunked" it down into small enough bite-sized pieces. The problem isn't even that you don't have a coach (though, if you did, they would hopefully point to the same thing I'm going to).The problem is that you're lying to yourself.What I secretly know is that you don't actually want to win at that goal.You say you do.In this moment, you're pretty jazzed up about it. You're pumped.If I let you in on this secret, you'd laugh in my stupid face. You'd shake your head and think to yourself, "and he calls himself a coach?"But your reaction isn't the point.The point is that underneath all of the veneer of the enthusiasm, excitement and self-certainty of the moment created by your momentary determination, you don't actually want this thing you say you want.You don't WANT to lose 20 pounds.Losing 20 pounds sucks. It's not fun. Losing 20 pounds means restricting what you eat. It means starting exercise that you haven't done before. It means getting up early to go for workouts on days when you really do not want to do anything other than get back under those covers where it's toasty and warm.You don't WANT to quit your job.Quitting your job sucks. It's not fun. It means you have to go and create a new job. It means you have to go and pound the pavement. You have to face rejection when people turn you down for jobs. You have to print out your qualifications on a piece of paper, and hand that over to someone  to see if you meet their requirements. You have to be willing to see if you "measure up". You have to stand up to the people that you haven't been willing to stand up to in the past. You have to risk your financial security.You don't WANT to leave your relationship.Leaving your relationship sucks. It's not fun. It means giving up the comfort you've had. It means letting go of the safety of knowing that there will always be someone waiting for you when you come home. It means you have to be with yourself, by yourself.You don't want these things.These things are about fixing what's wrong with yourself and your life, and that's only going to motivate you as long as you are hating part of yourself. As soon as you start to feel good about yourself, you're going to let these goals go.Fuelling yourself based on self-hate looks like temporary boosts of self-assuredness, honest, motivated and temporary activity, bouts of feeling better, and letting go of the project. Then a slow slide back in to self-hate, until the intensity ramps back up sufficient to drive you forward for the next trip on the unhappy-go-round.You'll argue with me that I'm wrong. That you really do want to lose 20 pounds. You'll explain to me why that goal really is something that is motivating for you, and why it's not about hating yourself. It's a practice in self-love, you'll tell me. You'll create a very convincing argument.And then you'll go and create another iteration of the cycle.There is something beyond your goal that you really want. Something deeply spiritual and connected with a part of yourself that you rarely get a glimpse of. There is something you want that is actually going to make a real difference in your life.I can see it when I sit with you and look deeply into you.When I look past your words, through your eyes and into your spirit and your heart, I can see that thing you truly want. I feel it.When there's nothing left to fix in your life, and you've fully allowed yourself to be exactly as you are, you have a goal. A dream that calls your forward. I can see that goal. I can see it hidden in the sparkle of your eyes. I see it when you stop talking about the immediacy of what you need to fix in order to take a breath. I hear it in the pauses of your conversation. I hear it in between your fixing.It's not your fault. You came by this honestly. This is how you were raised.Your resistance to hearing what I'm saying isn't your fault either. You came by that honestly as well. You "should" be able to do this on your own. It's ingrained in us societally.You came by all of this honestly.It's not your fault.I stand back from the rest of the group that is excited and engaging you around your goal. When I sit back in silence, I can be with the part of you that just is. I can be present to the part of you that has the deeper goal. The part that is perfectly alright, a magnificent being with inherent self-worth. When I do that, I get to be with the part of you that doesn't need anything fixed.When I sit back and look at that part of you, I love you unconditionally. I let myself be present to the glory of you, and I simply love you for who you are.And when you're ready to do that — to let go of everything that is wrong about you and needs fixing — you will get present to that part of yourself as well.When you do that, you and I will create FUCKING MAGIC together.

Happy Monday!Evergrowth's Third podcast is out today. This time, we're focusing on the subject matter of our next workshop: Emotional Mastery.What is emotional mastery, and why would someone want to do work around this? Listen in to hear more.Resources mentioned in the podcast:Cheri Huber — There is Nothing Wrong With YouByron Katie — Loving What IsLaurence Platt's Conversations on TransformationThe Notebook — Scene About Feelings: