Let Go and Be Free

The final Let Go and Be Free podcast episode. Change, endings, and the path before you. Resources: Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.  

As an adult, you can create new holiday traditions and shake off the past. With the holidays only days away, what are your current holiday traditions and what new traditions can you create so that you have a healthier and happier holiday season?   Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this week's episode, we'll go through three common situations where you might fall into the role of a "people pleaser."  The good news is that there is a path out of such difficult problems. Let's work together and learn how we can better our lives and stop pleasing others. Our needs are valid! Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

If we carry hatred and the need for revenge with us, eventually it'll consume us, and we might even become what we despise. Why do we carry grudges from our childhood? How does our carrying this burden affect our current relationships? What can we do to deal with these emotions and find peace and happiness? Let's learn together as I share my story and the mistakes I've made along the way. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

When you're struggling with feeling hopeless, what can you do? Doomscrolling won't solve your problems and neither will ignoring what's going on in the world around you. As our world has become increasing chaotic and unpredictable, how can we deal with feelings of hopelessness? Remember, if you're struggling and need professional help, please reach out and get the help you need. The world needs you. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

What do the words "I'm sorry" really mean? Do they hold weight if there is no behavioral change from the person doing the apology? In a world where toxic masculinity is having a resurgence, how can you protect yourself against false flag apologies and people's attempt to emotional manipulate you with the words "I'm sorry"? Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Stop doomscrolling, don't play into others goading you, set boundaries, focus on self-care, and have a plan. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

What's the reason behind wanting to be in control? Does it make us feel safe, powerful, or protective? In this episode, we'll talk through the reasons behind what control/manipulation really means and ways to change. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this episode, we'll talk through some practical ways to deal with anxiety and stress: Sleep Meditation Yoga Exercise Be creative (write, draw, sculpt, sing) Music Do something (volunteer and help others) Be thankful for what you do have Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this week's episode, we'll reflect on the final step: Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Reflections: When we reflect on how we're behaving now, are we better at choosing who we want to develop relationships with? Are we more aware and have stopped trying to control others? Are we focusing more on self-care and are using the skills we learned to help our inner child? Have we stopped looking for acceptance from others and truly love ourselves for who we are? Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Trust can be hard for those of us who grew up in a dysfunctional family. We might be stuck in the past and find it hard to trust in the present. However, we might also might struggle with trusting too quickly (and with people who are not healthy for us). What we can focus on is: Understanidng our memories from the past and processing them. Let go of trying to control the past by reproducing similar situations in the present. Learn how to trust ourselves.  Interested in reading a retelling of the Cinderella fairy tale through the eye of Cinderella having grown up in a dysfunctional family? Pick up the free book: Lost: Cinderella's secret Witch Diaries (book 1).  Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this episode, we'll go through and discuss Step 11: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out." But we look at it from a different perspective: Ask yourself: Why am I here on this Earth? What good can I do to help others? How can I be of service? When we go through the 12 Steps, we have an opportunity to grow beyond our past trauma.  Once you free yourself from the past, what will you do next? Service leadership is key to be of help to the world. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Tips on dealing with the day to day and making sure that you're grounded. Trying to chase being "amazing" everyday only sets you up to fail. Using tools to help you each day and setting a (loose) schedule can help keep you on a path of moderation. As kids we may have grown up in chaos and despair, but as adults, we have the power to change how we want to live. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this week's episode, we discuss Step 10 of the 12 Steps of Adult Children of Alcholics. Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. Resource: The 12 Steps for Adult Children book   Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Resentment, denial, and the inability to deal with conflict can be a toxic combination. Learn how to identify the build up of resentment and how to stop holding back your feelings. You are not alone. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this week's podcast, we talk through Step Nine of the 12 Steps. Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

After more than two and a half years of the podcast, I'm struggling with burnout. I explain where I'm at in my life, the challenges I'm working through, and the future of the podcast. Read more: Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Thinking in extremes can trap us in a simplistic worldview and also give us a false sense of security. It's easy to blame our parents for the problems with have, but that's not the full story. Each person is complex. But it's much easier to point a finger at someone and say: "They hurt me. It's their fault." In this week's episode, I share my own story about coming to terms with my father's abandoning my mother, mom, and I as well as linking the need for simplistic answers to seeing the world in a range of complexity. When we are honest with ourselves and with others, we can better see our boundaries and how to be accountable for our actions. Athough it might be easier to cast our parents as the villain in our story, it's important to remember that people aren't bad, but they make bad choices. And when we see our own selves through that same lense, we're able to separate the bad decisions we make and allow ourselves the potential to grow and heal. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this week's episode, we discuss Step 8: "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all." Step 8 is not easy and might seem impossible. One way to begin working on this step is to set time limits so that you don't feel overwhelmed. Begin with a 10-15 minute block of time and write down who you have harmed and what you did to them. When you finish, stop working on this step and focus on something else. If you allow yourself to get pulled into the depths of this step too quickly, it's easy to berate yourself for all the harm you have caused people. Take small steps. From the 12 Steps for Adult Children book: "Our fear of abandonment sometimes destroyed our relationships, because we did not allow others to be themselves. We created dependency and tried to control their behavior in an effort to maintain the relationship as we wanted it to be." Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

  What does "working the program" mean? Each of us come to a fork in the road and we have a choice to make: Do we want to continue living a life where we're unhappy or take a chance to learn how we can grow and heal? In this episode, we'll talk about the various paths we can take and the importance of building self-worth, learning how to heal, grow, and embrace change. We can either repeat the unhealthy patterns that we grow up with or embark on a journey of self-discovery that will lead to new possibilities that we never knew were available to us. The choice is ours. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this week's episode, we're going to discuss Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.  For Step Seven, humility is essential. We will also need to reflect on our unhealthy behaviors.  This might mean that we have to come to terms with being immature. It's highly possible that our inner child is emotionally immature because we never learned how to handle problems or a crisis in a healthy way. We only saw unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms that played out in our family.  Good quote from the 12 Steps for Adult Children book:  "Achieving sainthood is not part of this Program. We simply do the best we can, understanding and accepting our humanness without catering to it. Our intentions may be good, but they do not protect us from occasional lapses." We might also struggle with the removal of our shortcomings because it might feel uncomfortable for us. When we're used to acting a certain way, we might need time to grieve the change and losting a part of ourselves (even though that loss might be shortcomings and acting out with unhealthy behaviors). Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

With so much negativity in the world today, let's work together and learn how we can protect ourselves from social media and the 24-hour news cycle. Tools we can use to help ourselves: Create a tech-free bedroom Practice a digital cleanse Perform positive actions to help us get away from all the negativity Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Why do we limit and hold ourselves back? In order to embrace joy, ask: What makes you truly happy? Music, dancing, gardening, exercising? What activities can you practice to help you feel joy each day?  What can we do to quiet the negative voices and to focus on knowing that we are worthy of joy, happiness, and love?   Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this week's episode, we'll review step six: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. If you don't believe in God, it's still worth working this step. I suggest that you read the step as: Were entirely ready to have all of your defects of character removed. Or to boil it down even more: Were ready to grow and change. Being prepared to have your "defects of character" removed, means that you're ready to be free of your past and to grow. If you read this step and think that you're "stupid" or "lazy" or "dumb," I ask you to embrace your inner child and to reframe those thoughts. We all make mistakes and do things that are "stupid, lazy, or dumb."  That doesn't make us those things. So, let's go on this journey together and see what we can learn.  Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Step 5 can be a difficult step to review and process. If you're new to the 12 Steps or need a refresher, here is Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Working through the step consists of three parts: We reach out to God (or creation, a Higher Power, or the universe), self-reflect, and to someone we trust. We're looking to to share, in a healthy and trustful manner, the darkest parts of ourselves. Not to be judge, but we do so in order to learn how to learn new skills and to grow to let go of the unhealthy coping mechanisms and dysfunctional behaviors that have held us back. Working through this step can take time. Be easy on yourself. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks). Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Adrenaline and always being "on" are common behaviors for those who grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family. But we need time to rest, not work, and to unwind. That's hard to do in modern life, but also for those of us Type A personalities. Exercises: Turn off all notifications on our phones, disconnect, listen to the world around us. Watch and just listen. Allow ourselves time to just be. We don't need to work all the time. The challenge is: Asking for help so we can make time for ourselves. If we have everything on our shoulders, how will we have time to rest and heal? Running on empty can't last forever.  Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks). Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

What is Step 4 from the Twelve Steps of Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service's Organization? Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. This step allows us to get in touch with all sides of our personality (what we're proud of and ashamed of as well). Uncovers what we truly fear. How we've used denail. But denial takes many forms (minimizing, blaming, excusing, dodging, or attacking). And how we've kept up with unhealthy behaviors that used to help us as kids, but now only block our maturing and growth. Resentment has also blocked us from living in the present. We might be too focused on the past. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks). Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Part 1: What did you need when growing up? Stability, unconditional love, someone with strong emotional intelligence, empathetic, compassionate, and someone who listened to you and took you seriously. Part 2: What did you need now in life? What's the same? What is different? Stability, love, people to listen and interact with, and someone who makes you laugh (and not at the expense of others). Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks). Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I personally find Step Three to be difficult: Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God. I struggle with the need to let go and take a leap of faith. It's not easy for me and I am often conflicted about this step, but I still try. From "The 12 Steps for Adult Children" book (1991 reprinted version): "Step Three commands more of us than the first two Steps, because we are now asked to trust in a Higher Power. If we feel pressured or compromised by this request we are going too fast. Our inner child may be terrified that, if we dare trust a Higher Power and expose our behavior problems to that Power, we will be rejected. In this case, it is important to stop and take time to prepare ourselves properly." And another powerful quote: "The key to effectively working Step Three lies in our willingness to turn as much of our lives as we can over to the care of God. This is difficult for many of us because we are accustomed to functioning by using self-will alone." Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks). Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Why is it so hard to let go of the past? If we hold onto hate and our anger, we stay trapped by the past. But when we forgive, that's the path toward healing. Forgiving someone is something that we do for ourselves. And there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. In this week's episode, I share the experiences I've had with my own struggles with letting go of the past and what skills I needed to learn to overcome those challenges. Support the Podcast: Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks). Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

As we go through life, there are times when we need to stop and reflect on what we feel and think about the 12 Steps. With the second step, there are questions about control, trust, and faith. How do you feel about the second step? How do you feel? Is this step easy for your or difficult? There's no wrong answer. There's only what you experience as you're figuring out how to move forward with your healing. By reflecting on the present, taking time to focus on the steps helps you decide where you want to go in life and how best to find healing.   Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts YouTube music Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

On an Oprah interview I heard recently, she talked about her having John Bradshaw on her show and how what he shared with her transformed her life. Bradshaws is the author of such books as "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child." I found great hope and help in his books and wanted to talk about how to heal your inner child and to overlay what I've learned in the past with the present. With war, famine, and unrest blossoming in many parts of the world, we can turn on our TV, or go on social media, and it might look like the world is on fire. But there's another way. We don't have to play into the trap of feeling stress and anxiety. We can heal and find joy. Join me so we can continue on the journey together. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts YouTube music Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

The last time I discussed the first of Adult Children of Alcholics and Dysfunctional Families World Services' 12 Steps was December 2022. To recommit myself to the steps, I wanted to go through the first step, discuss it, and to see what we've learned since 2022. No matter if you're new to the 12 Steps or a veteran, there's a lot to learn in taking time to reflect on your past and to compare that period with where you are now in the present. I invite you to join me on recommitting to the 12 Steps. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts YouTube music Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Negative thoughts, worrying, and obsessive perseverating can easily pull you down and disrupt your healing.  How can you overcome negative thoughts? Help someone (volunteer, assist a neighbor, or someone in your community). Write about your feelings in a daily journal. Practice gratitude. Be open-minded that learning a new habit takes time. When we were kids, we may have used negative thoughts as a way to prepare for the worst in any situation. That survival skill might have helped us when we were young, but as adults being negative all the time might be restricting us from enjoying the world around us. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts YouTube music Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Why do we look for love in the wrong places? What's really going on inside of us that we act this way? Are we setting healthy boundaries between us and other people? Are we living the present as a means of "fixing" what happened to us as kids? Lots of great questions to work through together and find a path toward happiness. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts YouTube music Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Each day we have a choice. We can choose a path of healthy behaviors or choose dysfunctional ones. How do we learn what's good for us and how do we make healthy choices each day? Understand your physiology: Your "Lizard Brain." Read the "Don't Listen to Your Lizard Brain" article in Psyhcology Today. From the article: The reptilian part of your brain controls "primitive drives related to thirst, hunger, sexuality, and territoriality, as well as habits and procedural memory." Be sure to take care of your body (eat, sleep, drink water, rest). Remember your biology. When afraid or angry, hormones are released into your bloodstream. These hormones can stick around for around 45 minutes if you're angry and that's why it's important to understand your physiology. How to be aware of your anger before it gets out of control: Meditation Take a break Deep breathing Center yourself. You need a touchstone that you can trust to help you decide what is healthy and what isn't. Is this true? Is this healthy for me? Strengthen your "adult" voice: "Parent, Child, Adult" voice. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts YouTube music Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

How do you get by if you are living in a family with active substance abuse or there's unhealthy/dysfunctional behaviors? Many people don't have the ability to move, but need to find ways to survive. If in danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Support Hotline or call them at: 800.799.SAFE (7233). To find healthier ways of living and building your self-confidence so that you can be happy, in this episode we'll discuss: The power of reading. Using role-play to build trust among friends. Games can be a great source of creating a healthy community. Journal writing and the power of the written word. Learning the importance of the word "yet" and how such a small word can build hope for you and your future. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts YouTube music Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Apologies for the poor sound quality as I had issues with my mic. In growing up, we may have learned that arguing was bad, or worse, we may have seen unhealthy ways of resolving conflict. Here are several fair fighting rules that you and your partner (or friend, family, etc.) can use: Rules for Fair Fighting Use "I" statements. When you say "I feel upset beccause I'm afraid" that is being direct and vulnerable. Avoiding "you" statements is essential in effective communication. The purpose of an argument is to solve the issue at hand and not the 10 other examples you happen to have ready of what the person has done to you in the past. Focus on the present and only the matter at hand. No cursing or name calling. Listen. Really listen to the person and take turns talking. When the person has expressed their point, validate back to them what you heard them say. And then go on to share your feelings. Avoid throwing up blockers: "I don't have time to talk now" (and never agreeing there is a good time). Or changing the subject to avoid the issue at hand. No yelling at each other. When you're screaming at someone or they're screaming at you, finding a calm resolution becomes that much more difficult. Treat the other person with respect and ask that they do the same to you. Take a break. Arguments aren't supposed to last for hours. If you've had enough, ask for a short break, and then come back later to resolve the conflict. Come to a solution. Find a compromise that you both agree on or some understanding. If not, the argument will only come back to haunt you both at a future date. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts YouTube music Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Grieving for our past: That we never had normal childhoods. Especially when we get older and compare how we see how others lived. -We can become resentful, angry, and filled with envy. -President Theodore Roosevelt once said: "Comparison is the thief of joy." Grieving that time has passed us by (looking back or around and seeing how much we've wasted time focusing on things that don't truly matter). -We can only deal with today. Focusing only on the past or the future, robs us of the power and agency we have today. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Blaming everyone around us and not taking responsibility for our own health and actions can keep us trapped in life.  Do we point the finger at others and use it to absolve ourselves from being accountable? Why do we allow ourselves to remain trapped by our past? How do we grow? Using our past to create sympathy and compassion for us is manipulative and also keep us from living a healthy and happy life. We can find ways to let go of unhealthy behaviors and learn how to come to terms with the trauma we lived through. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

We repeat what we lived through. What can we do to stop becoming like our parents? Example: Being forced to eat broccoli as a kid. What is really happening in these type of situations? The underlining conflict is about power: who has it and who doesn't.  If we want to grow and learn more effective ways of problem solving and conflict resolution, we need to: Listen to the person (people) we're in conflict with. Be able to clearly express our feelings/thoughts without blame (use "I" statements instead of "you"). Focus on what you need and stop using blame tactics (e.g., "You NEVER take out the trash," "You are ALWAYS late," "Last year, you forgot to...", etc.) Be willing to compromise and grow. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Relationships can be viewed many different ways. We can see them as opportunities to grow and learn more about ourselves, or fall into unhealthy patterns that leads to enmeshment and codependency. In this episode, I share my story, the challenges I've encountered along the way, and the decisions I made to help me find love and happiness. Spoiler: The answers might not be what you think. Support the Podcast: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Many think that it's easier to stick with what we know (even if it's not healthy for us) than face the fear of the unknown. Reasons why we resist change: Fear of the unknown, anxiety, doubt, worry, and helplessness. And sometimes there's the belief that since this is all we know, we can't imagine anything beyond it (or that we deserve something better, so we settle). But there is a way to overcome our internal resistance to change. Let's learn together. Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

If we're always working on ourselves and at our jobs, family and with doing chores, when will have time to be a kid again? Having fun is essential to learning about who we are, what we like, and being comfortable in our own skin.  Let's be sure to take time to list what we can do to relax and give ourselves downtime. Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

There is no magic bullet that's going to solve all your problems. It's okay to accept that the road to healing takes time and is not linear.  In this week's episode, we'll discuss how to use tools and skills that we can learn to help propel us forward on our journey of healing and growth. Resources: Interview with Japanese filmmaker Akira Kurosawa on comparing writing/film making with climbing a mountain.  Brené Brown's blog post on "no magic bullet".   Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Perfectionism can be cloaked in your trying to be there for everyone and in doing "all the things."  Take time to reflect and be honest with yourself: How do you handle failure? Are you taking care of yourself? Can you handle change? If you have Netflix, be sure to watch the film Nyad (watch the trailer). It's a good film about marathon swimmer Diana Nyad that shows how perfectionism can be admirable yet also devastating to the people around you. Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Each of us has a choice: We can continue to try and hit our light from the rest the world to just "get by" or we can live up to our full potential. In today's episode, we'll talk about stepping out of our comfort zone in order to grow and embrace hope. We all have fears. Pretending that we don't and trying to ignore or repress our fears will only make them stronger. Shining a light on what we fear, admitting to that, and taking healthy risks can take us on the path toward healing and happiness. Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

When difficult problems come upon you in life, how do you deal with those times? If you grew up in a dysfunctional family or where one (or both) of your parents struggled with addiction, you might never have seen healthy problem-solving behaviors. Building a network to help you during times of stress, along with learning skills to help you with process your emotions, effectively communicate, and solve problems are all ways to growth. Some good skills to learn are: Differentiating between what you cannot change and what you can is key. Building strong boundaries between you and others. Strengthening your adult voice (e.g., "Is this true?" or "Is this healthy for me?") is also essential. The tools mentioned in this episode are: The Twelve Steps The Serenity Prayer Journal writing Attending ACOA (Adult Children of Alcholics and Dysfunctional Family) meetings Talking with a therapist Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

In this episode, we'll learn how to overcome feeling lonely and like we don't fit in as well as the importance of building a social network around us. What are some basic steps that we can do to help ourselves?  1. Identify and allow yourself to feel your emotions.  2. Step out (slightly) of your comfort zone.  3. Be easy on yourself.  Resources: How to Stop Ruminating NY Times article. Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Take time to do the following: Perform an inventory of people in your life to see who tries to pull you into their drama or is a chaotic friend. Strengthen your boundaries and give yourself time to take of yourself. We don't have to jump to answer a call or text immediately. Give yourself the space your need. With the extra time you have by creating distance from those chaotic friends, use the time to heal and have fun. Resources: Identify Your ‘Energy Vampires' and ‘Chaotic Friends' Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

As we continue onward on our journey for 2024, let's talk about the importance of forgiveness. When I look back at my life, I see some of the mistakes that I made or weaknesses I had that trapped me in a circle of dysfunctional behaviors. But as I learned, practiced new communication and self-care skills, I realized that I needed to let go of the past before I could fully move forward. A big part of that was to forgive my past self. To become a fully indvidualized person, I needed to embrace all of who I was and let go of feeling bad for myself. From a practical perspective, that meant that I needed to forgive myself and then create a support system around me. Let's learn how to do that together. Help keep the podcast going in 2024: Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee. Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack. More Information: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast. I'm not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional. Listen to the podcast on: Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts Amazon music RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)