Mama's Daily Dose

Do you want 2023 to be your year? The year you finally stick to your goal and you don't quit. If so listen to this - the secret to achieving you goal is in this podcast.Thank you so much for tuning in for 410 episodes (or however many you have listened to) this is the end of new episodes for Mama's Daily Dose for now, but take a look at the other 409 episodes, re-listen, find new ones and keep taking action towards your "more."Something is always more than nothing!Find me over on IG - @MeghanQBarrettwww.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

“If you want to create a new self, you first have to stop being the old self.” - Dr. Joe DispenzaThis is a Throwback Thursday quote that we used last year on the last Thursday of the year as well. It's a great reminder going into this season of change and goal setting that if you want to be, do and have something different; you must first become someone different than who you are right now. And if you become someone different, you must stop being the current you.Do you want to see some kind of change in 2023?In order to change you have to do something different. To become someone new you have to first stop being the old you. What is one thing you can STOP doing in order to become the person you want to be?Pick 1 small thing. The same as we talk about starting new habits with small actions, you can stop your ineffective actions with small habits. Tune in tomorrow for our last episode of Mama's Daily Dose! Don't worry the 410 episodes will still be here for you to repeat and I'm going to share the secret of how to actually achieve your goal next year and every goal after that!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

As much as I love learning and growing from nonfiction books, I also love a great story and fiction works as well! And I've learned as much from characters and themes in fiction as I have from nonfiction.Also, we all need something light to read! I enjoy reading fiction before bed.For all the books I've read this year (and previous years) check out my IG highlights under 2022 books (and there are also highlights for previous years.)MeghanqBarrett InstagramIf you have some favorite books be sure to share with me in on IG.Top Fiction Books of 2022PeachTree Bluff Series by Kristy Woodson Harvey Big Little Lies by Liane MoriartyMiles High Series by T.L. SwanOkay, I know I cheated a bit since two of the books are actually series, but they can be grouped together! Happy Reading!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

I love books! And I love sharing great books that have had an impact on me.For all the books I've read this year (and previous years) check out my IG highlights under 2022 books (and there are also highlights for previous years.)MeghanqBarrett InstagramTop Nonfiction books of 2022:High Performance Habits by Brendon Bruchard - also love his planner that you can get on Amazon and his websiteThink and Grow Rich by Napoleon HillThis Naked Mind by Annie GraceRich Dad Poor Dad by Robert KiyosakiHonorable Mention:Mindset by Carol DweckFind Your People by Jennie AllenGrit by Angela DuckworthTune in tomorrow for the top fiction books.Also, this will be the last week of the podcast! Episode 410 will be the final episode of Mama's Daily Dose. Thank you so much for going on this journey and taking this time for you, to improve yourself, get your more not only for yourself; but for you kids and future generations. www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

You've been working on the actions and asking yourself questions to bring you to this point today!A way to keep track of the years, what you've done, what you've learned and what your dreams and goals are for the future year. Do you ever feel like you have so much to do and not enough time?You have these wishes and dreams for the future, but they seem so far off?You're so focused on the “what if…” that you just get stuck where you are.It's a fun dance between reflection and looking to the future that will get you on the path to achieving your goals.Appreciating and seeing what you have now and how far you've come already shows you that you are capable of those big dreams.A yearly tradition I implemented to enjoy this dance is writing a letter to my future self at the end of each year. I then pack it away with Holiday decorations to open at the end of the year.It's an awesome keepsake to recount what has happened over the years, who you were and who you want to become.Plus it's pretty fun to see what I was doing 9 years ago!Grab a pen and piece of paper and start writing to 2023 you. Here are some prompts below that I use but tailor it to what you want:️What you learned ️ What you loved️ What you overcame️ What you achieved ️ What had a positive impact️ What is different from last January ️ What do you want to stop doing️ What do you want to start doing️ Your 2023 goalsIt's also a fun activity to do with the kids and teach them about goal setting. I started doing a shorter version of this with my 4.5 year old last year and will be doing it with boys this year (3&5).Appreciate how far you've come and know that you are capable of moving so far forward as well.Write a letter to your future self - 2023 you. You don't have to use my questions, but let future you know what happened this past year and what you are going to do in the coming year.Pack it away with your holiday decorations and see how much you've changed next year! www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Instead of saying, "What did you forget?"Replace it with, "What did you remember."Words are powerful! We put our energy and focus into what we say and believe.This idea came from Marisa Peer who is British therapist, author and speaker and focuses on language. She says, "Changing one word will change their (children) life." She tells a story of how she would drop her daughter at school and when she got to the gate she would come running back to her and Marisa would say, "What have your remembered."She would then focus on the fact that her daughter remembered before she got into school, instead of chastising her for forgetting something at home.What this does is have your and your children focus on remembering instead of forgetting. When you tell yourself that you keep forgetting things or you have a horrible memory, you will focus on that and continue to to prove yourself right.Whereas, if you focus on what you've remembered and tell yourself you have a good memory that is where your energy will go.You aren't forgetting, you're remembering.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."- Virginia Wolf What do you use to escape what is going on in your life or how you are feeling?We all have our own coping mechanisms to escape or get a little break from our lives and our emotions.Some examples:DrinkingShoppingSocial MediaDrugsSexGamblingEatingIdentify your coping mechanism for when you feel like you need to escape, need a break or are feeling overwhelmed.The first step is knowing that you are using a coping mechanism. Some mechanisms are effective and some are ineffective.Over the past couple years I noticed I've been using alcohol and social media - neither of which are healthy for me or inline with my goals. I first had to recognize what I was really using these activities for - avoidance. Then once I realized I was avoiding something I was able to take a deep look at what I was avoiding.The only way to really fix anything is to face it head on. Avoidance tends to cause more issues than it fixes.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

You have so much going on: juggling schedules, housework, health, drinking water, and so much more!It can be difficult to keep all these things straight and in the forefront of your mind. The easiest way  to keep your goals and who you want to become on the top of your mind is to simplify it! Pick 1 word that you want to describe your next year.Whenever you feel like you are wavering or forced with a difficult decision, come back to your guiding word.Somee examples: abundance, bold, calm, challenge, dedicated, dream, empower, forgiveness, grace, gratitude, integrity, joy, kind, mindful, nurture, persistence, play, relationships, service, teach, whole, yes.For 2023 I'm choosing focused. Whatever I am working on, or whomever I am with at the time I will be focused on that.What is your word?www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Do you know what is really important to you?What are your driving factors? What are your values? What are your non-negotiables?If you can't quickly answers the top 3 things (or values) in your life that are important to you, there is a good change you are feeling a little lost or you have a difficult time making decisions.I felt like something was missing for a long time. I was unable to make quick decisions because I couldn't decide what was really important to me.When you are able to name and know your top 3 values then you have a guide and filter which you can quickly run decisions through. It takes away the much of the angst because you know why you are making the decision and you can do it that much quicker.Pick your top 3 values. They don't have to be forever, but what are you top 3 NOW?Use these as your guide. If you follow it, it will bring you closer to your goals and who you want to be without being distracted by other shiny things.And before you set your goals for next year, know your values. If your goals are not inline with your values, your values will win out. For example, one of my values (my top value) is family first. I had a goal of building and online business that was taking time away from my family. My goal went against my value. There way not way to achieve my goal.Know your values and ensure your goals are inline with them.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

What do you do when you start feeling overwhelmed and anxious? What if there was a quick way to reassure yourself and start feeling better instantly!?!I saw this on Mel Robbins IG and has changed my anxiety and my first response when I am feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated.She said, "If you woke up feeling anxious or overwhelmed this morning, put your hand on your heart, close your eyes and repeat: I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved."I'm not kidding when I say this INSTANTLY brings my anxiety level down.And it works on your kids too! When my son was extremely upset and I hugged him put my hand on his heart and said, "You're okay. You're safe. You're loved."These are words we all need to hear. www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

We are right in the thick of the holiday season and I know you have been working hard getting gifts for friends, family, teachers and many more. Working on making the holidays a special time for you family and others. But have you taken a moment to get something for yourself? To treat yourself?Have you seen the Parks and Rec episodes where each year Tom and Donna would take a "Treat Yo Self" day?We can all take a little lesson from these two!You don't have to go all out on a Treat Yourself Day, but make sure you get yourself a gift this holiday season.You are important too. Don't forget yourself and treat yourself!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."- Rumi (13th century Persian Poet)Where are your efforts focused? Often times we look to things and people on the outside to change ourselves and the world around us.Do you focus on changing others and the world around you?Or do you focus on changing yourself? Focus on changing yourself and that will change the world...or at least some ONE's world.When you change yourself you change others and the world.The only person you have control over is yourself. Focus on changing you and the rest will fall into place.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Starting a effective habit is the opposite of stopping the ineffective habit.There are 4 elements to every habit - this comes from James Clear in his book Atomic Habits.1. Cue2. Craving3. Response4. Reward1. Cue - you feel overwhelmed after a hectic day and the kids are finally in bed2. Craving - you crave something to take the edge off and calm you down3. Response - you drink a glass of wine4. Reward - your glass of wine satisfies your craving and you feel calm If you want to change this to a more effective habit for you, you must recognize the cue and craving, then change the response.So instead of responding with a glass of wine (or chocolate in my case) you replace it with something else - I use mints.The cue and craving are the same but you change the response in order to change an ineffective habit to an effective one. Make it easier for yourself by making the effective habit attractive - I moved the chocolate chips up on a high shelf so it is more difficult to grab and put mints in an easy to reach place.What effective habit do you want to start?www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Say you had a rough day with the kids and you were super stressed out. You want to find a way to calm down; so you try a number of things. Maybe a bath, glass of wine, TV. You find one that works for you and then that becomes your habit.There are 4 elements to every habit - whether you find it effective or ineffective for you:1. Cue2. Craving3. Response4. Reward1. Cue - you feel overwhelmed after a hectic day and the kids are finally in bed2. Craving - you crave something to take the edge off and calm you down3. Response - you drink a glass of wine4. Reward - your glass of wine satisfies your craving and you feel calmYou now associate the glass of wine with helping you calm down and relax after a difficult day.Same works with coffee in the morning1. You wake up2. You want to feel awake and alert3. You drink coffee4. You satisfy your craving and coffee is no associated with waking up.You can be free of your bad habits when you bring them into your consciousness! Decide WHO you want to be and then create habits around who you want to become.Habits are about becoming SOMONE not having SOMETHING!For more info on habits - how to start new ones, break old ones and become you really want to, I highly suggest Atomic Habits by James Clear. www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

 We all have a bad habit (or 2, 3...) that we want to kick, but it's hard!A habit is something you've done so many times, that now you do it without consciously thinking about it. I'm not a big fan of labeling habits "bad" or "good" because they depend on the person. However, a habit can be either ineffective or effective for you and your goals.The first step it to bring the habit to your consciousness and become aware of it, because we habits are most unconscious.You can be free of your bad, or ineffective habits!Tune in the rest of the week to find out how to kick the ineffective habits and implement new, effective ones.No need to wait for the New Year - lets work on those habits now!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

1 word only!Pick 1 word to describe your year in 2022. Any word you want!Then pick a word you want to describe your upcoming year in 2023.Often we set a few goals, there's all these cool new things we want to do in the New Year and partner that will all the other commitments you have and you start forgetting stuff!The best way I've found to stay true to my goals and intentions is to create a word for the year. That way I can remind myself of the word and my actions will follow.For 2022 my word was "joy." What is yours for 2023?www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

“It wasn't the fear that mattered in life, it was the choices made when you were afraid. You were brave because of your fear, not in spite of it. - Elsa's Grandpa.The Four Winds by Kristin HannaWhat is your biggest fear? I'm not talking spiders or public speaking...I'm talking deep down fear!We all have at least one. What is yours? Some examples include:Fear of being aloneFear on not being lovedFear of deathFear of judgmentFear of not being enough Use your fear to take action.Some people use their fears to hold them back, others use it as a source of motivation. It doesn't matter what your fear is, it matters what you do with it.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Another question for your end of the year letter!Yesterday we focused on what went well in 2022, now take a look on what you want to work on for the next year.What do you want to get better at?What kind of person do you want to become?Do you want to learn a new skill?What are the actions you want to take next year to become the person you want to be and reach your goals?www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

We are working our way through December by reflecting on the past year and setting intentions for next year.Here is one of the questions you can use later on in your letter to your future self that we will be going over at the end of the month.What went well for you in 2022? What were the happy times? The accomplishments? The joys? The truimphs?What brought a smile to your face during the past year.Add everything you can think of, nothing is too small.2022 may not have been your year, maybe it was a really crappy year. That's okay, I'm SURE there are still a few things that went well. Today is the day to focus on and extract everything that went well the past year.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Say what?!? Aren't you supposed to let the small stuff go so you can focus on the big matters?I know this goes against what most people say, but I want you to sweat the small stuff when it comes to creating new habits, breaking old one and working towards your goals.It is now December and a great time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the next year.The issue with most people when they do this is they try to make HUGE sweeping changes in their lives. You feel guilty for the indulgence during the holiday so you tell yourself:* No more spending money* No junk food* No more drinking* I'm going to the gym for 1 hour ever single dayAnd while these actions all have great intentions. The are most likely doomed.How many times have you vowed a New Year's resolution and not achieved it? I know I have quite a few!Here's how to create new habits, break old ones and make your way toward your goal without feeling overwhelmed:Focus on the small actions.Take 1 super small step towards your goal. I'm talking so small here! They key to establishing a new habit (or breaking an old one) is to do it! Actually do it...and do it consistently. The only way to do keep it up consistently is if it is something you can and will do.Well duh! Is what you may be saying now, but really most people do NOT do this. They try to make huge changes on Jan 1 and then realize its just too much and go back to their old habit.But not YOU! You're going to pick 1 super small thing to do and you will do it each day!Pick 1 small action to do today and for each day (at least most days) for the rest of the month.You don't have to wait for the new year to work towards your goal!Start now and it will be much easier to keep up in Jan.Examples:- 10 squats per day- meditate 10 seconds per day- eat 1 vegetable a day- cut out 1/2 cup of coffee- read 1 page per dayThese seemingly small actions are something you can actually do each day, even on those hectic days. And they will add up way quicker than you think! www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

In order to set a habit, to make a change you need to take action!It doesn't have to be massive action and an overhaul, but it needs to be something.Like we talked about last month with gratitude - 1 minute! Take 1 minute a day and do it everyday and make it a habit.To establish a habit you need to be consistent. Be consistent with something! 1 minute of exercise - awesome, 1 vegetable - great...whatever it is, pick it and do it each and every day.Today pick a habit that you want to start, we don't have to wait for the New Year! And whatever you pick, I want you to chop it down. 5 minutes of walking/day..start with 1-2 minutes. Pick something so small that it would be ridiculous if you don't do it each day. Once you get it down each day (or most days - no on is perfecct) then add more and more.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

“We can't do it all, but we can make our own beautiful memories.” - Jessica Smartt Memory Making Mom"Can't" is a word I take issue with. In fact, we are not allowed to use the word "can't" in our house, because as soon as you tell yourself you can't do something, then you stop trying to figure out a way to do. You put boundaries up for yourself. Instead we say "I don't know how to...yet!"But in this case, "can't" is warranted!No one out there can do it all, including you, Mama! Although social media may portray it differently, it simply is not possible and if you've tried to do it all before you know the feelings that come from it - exhaustion, defeat, overwhelm and the feeling of being not enough.While you can't do it all... you CAN make beautiful memories!As we get into this holiday season there are so many events, parties and activities. You don't have to do them  all to make the holidays special!Today pick 1 thing you want to do to make a beautiful memory this holiday season and 1 thing you don't want to do. Focus your energy on the one you want to make a memory with and let the other go, or delegate.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

After the questions, "What is the best way to practice gratitude?" which we answered yesterday in episode 387 the next question that comes is, "How often/long do I need to practice it?"There are a few ways to approach setting up any habit, including gratitude. What I believe to be most effective and has worked the best for me is what James Clear suggests in his book, Atomic Habits.Do it every day. That is the best way to establish a habit. And even better - do it at the same time each day. Then you are even more likely to keep the habit going, because it then becomes...well, habit!Most gratitude practices can be done in as little as 1 minute a day! I know you have lots going on, but I'm sure you can squeeze 1 minute! Even if you think that is difficult, then start even smaller.It doesn't matter where you start. Pick something you know you can do and practice it each day. Today pick a gratitude practice - and do it today. Then tomorrow, and the next day and the next. Make it a habit.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Gratitude has been studied and this form of gratitude practice has been shown to be the most effective to change your brain circuitry, how you think and how you feel.I'm not saying this is the ONLY way to practice gratitude. Something is always more than nothing. You love your practice - you do you, mama! If you want to get the most out of your gratitude practice give this one a try! 1. StoryThink of time you received something and felt grateful for it. Take notes on this story - what was the struggle, what was the help and how did that impact you emotionally? 2. How did you feel?What was your state before and after the event?3. Sit with this story and the feelings4. Repeat with the same storyEach time you read/think about this story the neural circuits in your brain get activated and change. It becomes easier and easier for these circuits to get activated the more you repeat.You can do this in as little as 1 minute a day!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Gratitude, being thankful - that is what we've been talking about all this month.And if you remember in episode 371 we talked about the power of "I AM" and everything you say after those two words your subconscious goes to work to make it your reality! You like being correct, so your subconscious helps you other there whether it is a positive or negative statement.If you find yourself wanting to be more grateful, practice gratitude...have your kids be more grateful - start my thinking and telling yourself you are grateful. The more you tell yourself and your kids that you are grateful people the more you will look for ways to confirm it!I am grateful!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

What do stories and memories have to do with gratitude?Think of a time or story about gratitude - it doesn't even have to do with you. When you think about it and replay it, you actually start to feel gratitude and when you feel that gratitude there are changes that happen in your brain circuitry!Our brains are oriented to story - it is one of the major ways we organize information in our brains. A study was performed where people listened to others who survived genocide and told stories of how others helped them along the way. Those listening had fMRI scans and it showed that by listening to these stories, the neural pathways of gratitude light up! Those pathways can light up when we HEAR stories of gratitude...even ones that have NOTHING to do with us. I always think of the Publix commercial where the little boy sneakily invites his neighbor over for Christmas dinner. The story has nothing to do with me, but I feel so much gratitude each time I was the commercial or even think about it!Be sure to tune in next week to find out the most scientifically proven way to practice gratitude...and guess what? It can be done is as little as 1 minute a day!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

“There is something about saying, ‘We always do this,' which helps keep the years together." - Jessica Smartt Memory Making MomHappy Thanksgiving!! Have a wonderful day filled with yummy food and special people!Thanksgiving happens every single year and is a great time to make memories and create traditions. What do you want to do this year and that you and your kids continue to say each year, "We always do..."? This is the oldest your kids have ever been and the youngest they will ever be! This goes for your too!Each day, minute, second we are all getting older. I've always loathed when people say, "Enjoy it now, it goes by so fast!" And while I have my own feelings on this quote...I do agree that it goes by quickly!Looking back on your own childhood you simply can't remember every single day. You remember moments in time and often the ones that stick out are those traditions you repeated. Find a special activity or thing this Thanksgiving day to say "We always do this..."It doesn't have to be over the top! You know my favorite saying is "Something is always more than nothing!"My favorite Thanksgiving tradition is sourdough bread stuffing. I'm from San Francisco and sourdough bread is my love language - it was always on the table and now I make it for my kids.Maybe y'all bake together. Or you watch football. Or you do something totally unrelated to Thanksgiving and play volleyball! Whatever is fun for you! Keep doing it...there really is something special about, "We always do..." www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

There's a bunch of ways to achieve the same result. I for one stand for "something is more than nothing."Therefore, if you are engaged in another gratitude practice that you enjoy - that is way better than nothing!If you want to get the most out of your practice, here's how to do it.Most gratitude practices are not super effective in shifting your neural activity and chemistry or your body circuitry towards enhanced activity of the PFC (remember Episode 378 Your Brain on Gratitude and how gratitude is linked to your PFC and how you set the context of a situation). The most effective gratitude is receiving! That's right it has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with someone else initiating the gratitude process by giving you something you find valuable and the intention is pure.There is a study of coworkers where one coworker gave a kind letter to another. The study showed that those who received the notes showed more brain activity than those that gave the note. This is a VERY potent form of shifting someone's neurology! But we can't always sit around and wait for someone else to give you a letter, text or words of gratitude! There are ways to recreate this experience by yourself. Tune in the rest of this month to find out how.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Have you ever tried to be a positive person and tell yourself something is totally awesome, when you really knew that it wasn't'?You're more intelligent than that! Terrible things will happen in life and lying to yourself that it isn't terrible doesn't make it go away or help you move on.There is a time to learn a lesson and reflect on gratitude from crappy situations such as the death of a loved one, job loss, medical issues, financial difficulties and much more. Sometimes you just need to sit in the crappy, accept it. When you've moved on from that, then you can find true gratitude in the situation.I no longer say, "I'm sorry" when someone has a loved one that passes. I heard it often when my dad died and I know everyone meant well, but it simply did not feel right.I now say, "that's sh***y, losing a loved one really sucks." It's okay to admit that and sit with that, because it it is crappy! You know it and I know it, and we can't lie about it in attempts to move on.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

 So the extreme of honesty - absolutely no lying at all, none! Could you do it?I read a book where the author went one year without lying at all! I'm talking about NONE.Like when her kids made her breakfast in bed and then asked how it tasted. She said not good!An acquaintance asked the question we hear all the time, "how are you?" She said the honest truth - she wasn't doing great and why.Now, I don't feel this is necessary. There is a difference between lying about cheating on your husband and lying to your kids that the food they made you is delicious when really its barely edible.Also, I don't want to burden an acquaintance with my issues when they were simply asking how I am. I feel that would do more damage to their day then the little "lie."Whether you believe not lying at all is a good thing or even a feasible thing for you; there is one person you can NOT lie to - you.Be honest with yourself. You know when you are lying to yourself. Even when you are trying to encourage yourself, pick realistic, truthful options.I'm all for being positive and seeing the glass is half full. But if a terrible thing happens to you; you can't lie to yourself and say just be grateful or that its actually good when you know it's terrible! There will probably be a time for reflection later when you can see the good and be grateful but be honest with yourself in the moment - feel the terrible and crappy, don't try to lie to yourself, because you know you way better than that!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Choose one option and be consistent with it! Consistency over time is what yields results. Each of these take only a few minutes a day and have long lasting results without the side effects.These examples all came from a study called "The Science of Gratitude" in 2018 by Dr. Summer Allen from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley.1. Count blessings - gratitude journal. 2. Three good things that happened for you AND the cause of them. 3. Mental subtraction - Imagine what life would be like if a positive event/experience did NOT happen. 4. Gratitude letter to another person or visit a person and express gratitude. 5. Death reflection - study showed undergratude university students that were asked to imagine their death experienced more gratitude than those asked to reflect on typical day. Yu can  do this through writing your own obituary (a practice that Donald Miller explains very well). 5. Experiential consumption - spend money on experiences rather than on things - studies shows people felt and experienced more gratitude when they spend money on experiences (meal, concert tix, sporting event) rather than when purchasing material goods. Which one will you choose?We will go more into detail on another gratitude practice next week that is shown to be the most scientifically effective practice that not only changes how you think and feel, but the changes your brain circuitry as well!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

"I'm not doing laundry; I'm raising kids." - Jessica Smartt Memory Making MomWhat if you aren't simply washing the dishes, doing laundry, driving...and all those other mundane tasks that come along with being a mom?No one told me all the other extra "stuff" that goes along with being a mom! The piles of laundry, the amount of dirt and grime in my house, brushing more teeth than my own, becoming an a Uber driver...an unpaid one at that!What if these aren't mundane tasks that you loathe though? What if these tasks are actually raising your kids? What if doing the dishes is raising your children?How you think about something creates your reality.If you think doing the dishes sucks...then it sucks.If you think doing the dishes helps raise your children...then that's what it does!There is a story about a father that would bring his sons along with him to purchase cows for their farm. He would involve his kids in the whole process. When someone asked why he involved his young sons in raising the cows he answered, "I'm not raising cows; I'm raising boys." Change how you think of the seemingly mundane tasks:"I'm not doing dishes; I'm raising kids.""I'm not an unpaid Uber driver; I'm raising kids." www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

We're about to get a little sciency here...but not too much!Gratitude is linked to the your Medial Prefrontal Cortex (PFC), the front part of your brain.Your medial prefrontal cortex sets context, defines the meaning of a situations and is extremely linked to gratitude. The PFC allows us to take experienes and frame them as positive or take the same exact experience that we are forced to do or don't want to do as negative. Think of a hard training session - your PFC sets the context as to whether you are doing this for something more or a larger goal, or it just sucks to do it. Gratitude is a mindset that activates the PFC and in so doing so sets the context for your experience! So much so that you can get amazing health benefits and truly enjoy more activities.It won't happen right away, but you can change the circuitry in your brain to frame experiences to be more enjoyable and to have an overall higher disposition to gratitude.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Helping people out, acts of kindness and good deed are awesome; but there's more to it than that!What affects whether a person feel gratitude or not? If the they feel more gratitude or less gratitude.There are 2 factors that affect how you feel gratitude when others perform good deeds:1. Perceived intention of the benefactor (the one doing the good deed)2. The perceived value, or the cost to the benefactorSo if you are out there doing a "good deed" that is really to benefit you - people know that, including your kids! For a person to feel the most gratitude for a good deed they need to know the intention of the person was pure , they really are trying to help and not simply for selfish reasons. And there is a value to the good deed or cost to the benefactor; whether that be time, money or energy.The next time you do a good deed - evaluate how the person receiving it will look at the intention and the value. www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

 Is there something that your kid does that bothers the sh*t out of you?Do they constantly complain, whine, yell, make a mess?This may sting....but it's most likely on YOU!I know you are doing your best and being a mom is no easy task and you already have so much do and now you not only have to teach your kids but you have to look at your actions and change too!?! Damn, that's a lot!But here's the good news. You are in control of YOU and therefore you have the ability to change not only yourself, but your kids too! You have the power to create your "I AM!"Now you may not be the only parent here. I get that. But here's the thing...there's a few studies that show that your disposition and example of gratitude weigh much heavier than that of the Dad.More responsibility and onus put on the Mom!?!?Especially when it comes to gratitude (this month's theme) it was show that the mom's disposition to gratitude greatly impacted the biological child's. The dad's actually had no bearing at all!I'm not trying to put more on you, I'm letting you know the facts. But this is actually great news too, because since you have control you can change it!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Are you tired of hearing your kids complain that they want more? Fee like they aren't grateful for what they have?Here are 4 simple steps to grow gratitude in your kids!Andrea Hussong did a study with focus groups of parents to determine how parents think of their childrens' gratitude and how to cultivate gratitude in their kids. She then postulated that gratitude experience has 4 parts: 1. notice what we can be grateful for. 2. Think about WHY we have been given those things or experiences 3. What do you feel about what you have been given (where do you feel it) 4. Do something to express appreciation for these actionsPractice these 4 steps with your kids:For example:1. What are you grateful for? Food on the table. 2. Why have we been given the food? People made/farmed the food and parents worked hard to have money to buy the food. 3. What do you feel? I  feel so happy to eat and I feel connected to my family because I get to spend time with them over this meal. 4. Do something to express appreciation - We can donate food to a local food bank.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

“Motherhood angst usually means I've lost my way somehow – forgotten or stopped doing some of the rituals that mean the most to our family. And so we bring them back.” - Jessica Smartt Memory Making MomWhen you are feeling like something is missing, that feel of anxiety or dread comes over you; we often look for the next NEW thing that will help us. What's the cool new product or program to help us feel happier, more, fulfilled?But Jessica Smartt offers a new way of challenging motherhood angst. Instead of looking for the new, look at the old. What are some of the rituals or traditions that have worked in your family that have slipped out of your lives? Bring those back!Today think of a memory, tradition or ritual that has worked for your family in the past. Bring it back to life!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Do you find it difficult to pump yourself up some days? Link you just aren't in a great mood and are unable to snap out of it?Well, it isn't just you! Don't worry!As humans we have a greater propensity for unhappiness than happiness! But why is that. It's evolutionary. Back in the day we had to be on the lookout so you didn't die.Even though we are wired for be unhappy and look for the bad and the threats all around us, the good news is you can change the wiring in your brain. Circuits in your brain are plastic meaning they can change…no matter your age. You can in fact teach an old dog new tricks! Its been shown that gratitude practice performed regularly can shift the circuitry in your brain so you are happier on average...even outside of those time you are not practicing gratitude.Replay that moment of gratitude that you did yesterday. Feel how you felt in your moment of gratitude. Now notice if that extends to other parts of your day.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

How powerful is gratitude when it is used in the correct way?Gratitude has been shown time and again in studies to have beneficial affects on your physical, mental and spiritual health. It can not only help you feel better, but it can do so without the side effects that come along with many drugs!*Disclosure - I am NOT telling you to stop taking an medication. This is simply to show that gratitude can be a powerful practice. Always consult your medical professional.In studies it has been shown that a gratitude practice can have the same effects as some pharmaceuticals as well as exercise. AND the effects seem to be longer lasting than those of some pharmaceuticals and exercise. Meaning that a short gratitude practice can have long lasting effects.Today think of a recent time when someone made you feel grateful. Replay the moment and FEEL the emotions your felt then.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

The two MOST powerful words are "I AM..."Anything that follows those two words need to be carefully planned out because that will become your reality."I AM" creates your beliefs on a conscious and subconscious level. What you tell yourself you will begin to believe and being to make choices and act into those beliefs.Many people are not aware of how powerful saying "I am..." truly is. Whether you say the words out loud or to yourself.Become aware of what you are demanding of yourself after those two words.Are you a person that says things like:I am... stupid, overweight, overwhelmed, incapable, stressed out…If so, change those words! Try some of these on:I am... resourceful (I don't know how know, but I will figure it out)I am beautifulI am powerfulI am awesomeI am a hard workerI am an amazing momI am a patient momI am an attentive momI am gratefulPick an "I am..." statement that speaks to you and repeat to yourself ever single day this week. See how your actions, choices and decisions start to adapt to who you tell yourself you are.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Do you encourage your kids to say "thank you?"If so you are in the company of about 85% of other parents. And yes, "thank you" and "please" while we're at it are extremely important, kind words. Especially when you are trying to express gratitude or receive something from another person.But is "thank you" really enough to express gratitude and to feel gratitude?To take it a step further about 39% of parents encourage their kids to experience gratitude in other ways - such as volunteering, helping other, acts of kindness.What makes us remember things is how we FEEL. Not what we say.Today instead of having your kids only say "thank you" ask them how it felt to receive an act of kindness. Or how it felt when someone said thank you to them and expressed gratitude.Do this yourself as well. Really tap into the feeling of gratitude, beyond saying "thank you."www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

“What do my kids love to do that I never do with them?”- Jessica Smartt The Memory Making MomTraditions and memories are such a precious part of childhood as well as adulthood! There's something about saying, "we always do that!"There are probably plenty of traditions you love and maybe some you don't!If you are looking to create some of your own, new traditions with your kids, this quote is a great place to start!Ask yourself, or even ask you kids what it is they really love to do, but you just never seem to do it. The answer may be right in front of you, or it may surprise you!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Are you tired of your kids not appreciating what they have? Do they keep asking for more and more no matter how much you (and others give them)?I think most parents know this feeling well! You aren't alone and your kids are totally messed up either!You want the best for you kids and you want them to dream and achieve their goals, but at the same time you want them to be grateful for what they have as well.You can show gratitude for what you have now and still want more in the future.So how do you get your kids to be more grateful? It starts with you!There was a study on 4th and 5th graders and showed that the biological child's disposition to gratitude was related to their mother's gratitude. It did not show a relation to the fathers! Crazy! This means that your disposition and practice of gratitude affects your children's where their father's has little to no bearing on it. What this means is if you want your kids to show more gratitude. Start with yourself. What is one thing you can do today to be an example of gratitude for your kids?www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Gratitude. Many people use this word. You probably have tried a "gratitude practice." Asked your kids to say "thank you." All the gurus tell you to practice gratitude, it will make you healthier, happier and overall a better person....but what is gratitude?Is it an emotion, virtue, behavior? Something you're supposed to do? Something you have to practice? Some elusive unicorn?A number of Psychologists now recognize 3 types of gratitude:1. An affectionate trait: your overall tendency to have a grateful disposition or manner.2. A mood: the daily fluctuations in gratitude3. An emotion: a more temporary feeling of gratitude like when you get a give or someone does a kind favor for you.There's basically short term (emotion), medium term (mood) and long term (trait).Today take notice of the different types of gratitude and how it can be extremely short term AND long term.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

You probably used to be pretty fun and cool before kids!You know those bumper stickers, that you usually see on minivans, that say, "I used to be cool?"Well, you are still cool and you are still fun!Often we can get wrapped up in all the things we need to do, take care of and where and when we need to be places that we forget to have a little fun along the way.On this Halloween Day remind yourself that you ARE fun! I AM FUN!Have fun today! Dress up, get some candy, dance, play a joke on your kids. Whatever makes you feel fun!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Do you want your kids to have more self-control? Do you want them to be able to sit through a 5 second YouTube ad without freaking out? Do you want them to grow up being able to put off immediate satisfaction in order to achieve long term goals?Here's 5 ways (and a bonus) you can help cultivate self control in your kids now and for the future:1.       Distraction strategies to help with distress. When your kid is super upset they have to sit through a 5 second YouTube ad while watching Blippi you can distract with a toy or song.2.       Attachment experiences: sensitive to needs, provide support and also encourage autonomy odds will be better than those you overcontrol children.3.       Consequences - teaching and experiencing consequences for their choices.4.       Work with on enjoyable but challenging tasks that become increasingly difficult; piano, legos, climbing, etc. The real challenge for you is to provide support but also let them work on own.5.       Growth mindset.6.       Keep your word – when promise delayed rewards give it to them. As well as consequences.Focus on one today and little by little you can grow both your self control and your kids'.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

How can you make the best decisions now to reach your future goals?Ask yourself, "What would future me do?"Have a clear idea of what future you wants. Who she is. When you come to a crossroads and you aren't sure what decision to make, ask yourself what would future you do? The future you that has reached her goal, that is the mom and person you want to do be, what decision would she make?When you really connect with your future self, you make decisions now that that benefit you in the future.When you don't have a clear goal or picture of who you are in the future, you tend to make decisions that only benefit you in the now. You are taking the short term pleasure at the expense of the long-term benefit because you can't see what that benefit it.Ask yourself today, "What would future me do?"www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

If you want you and your kids to practice more self control here are the 3 things you need:1. Keep your goal in mind2. Think of future you3. Ability to distractThese are the 3 features of executive function (mental skills that help you get things done) needed to cultivate and practice self control.Keep your goal in mind. You know what you are working towards. That future goal and reward is worth the short term consequence now.Think of future you: You are able to take your tempting goals of now - that Halloween candy is going to taste delicious and shift it toward the future goals - future me is healthy. Ability to think of future you.Ability to distract: The Halloween candy may be sitting right in front of you, but you decide to have some water instead.For today do a Marshmallow or Treat test with your kids! Put their favorite treat in front of them at a table and tell them you will be back in specified amount of time. If they wait for you to get back, they get 2 treats and if they don't then they get the 1.Ask them why or why not they were able to wait. You can even set up a camera. Kids tend to be very good at the distraction part!www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

Do you want to retire with enough money to travel the world, spend time with your grand kids, take up new hobbies and not have to worry about money?The more your can connect with your future self, say "retired you", the better decisions you can make now to become that future you!There was a study done on saving money for retirement and one group saw an avatar of themselves at retirement age, think wrinkles and all. And the second group was shown an avatar of themselves now. The group that say the avatar of their retired selves saved 30% more than the group that saw their current selves!What this tells us is that the more you can connect with your future self, the more you can move towards her.Retired you may feel a little far off, but the more you can emotionally connect with her the more likely you are to become her.Connect with 80 year old you today! What is she doing, feeling, saying? What does she look like? Get a clear emotional picture of her so you make the choices today that will benefit her.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

 What does future you look like? What is she doing?I'm talking like 80 year old you!Do you connect with your future self? Her desires, her wants and needs?If you can connect with yourself in the future - the woman and mom you want to be, you can make better decisions now to get you to where you want to be.There was a study done about saving for retirement. One group was shown an avatar of their current self and the other was shown an avatar of their future self (retirement age). Then they were asked how much they would save for retirement.The group that saw their future selves put away 30% more for retirement than the current group!When you are more emotionally connected to your future self, you will incorporate that more into your current life. Take action today - Who is future you? What does she want, what does she do?Paint a picture of who you are in the future so you can emotionally connect with her and make decisions now to become her!Examples:Future you weighs less and is healthier - you start making healthier eating choices.Future you is patient and present with her kids - you practice more patience today.Future you is living in her dream home - you make choices to save money.Repeat, repeat, repeat! An affirmation (or MamAffirmation) is used to embed self esteem and a positive mindset in those that repeat and believe it.Take a look in the mirror today, Mama and repeat the above MamAffirmation.More on today's MamAffirmation: Mama's Daily Dose Podcast  Have a greawww.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett

How do you know you can trust someone?You (and your kids) trust people based on their actions. You trust people who follow through on their word. If you continually do what you say you are going to do, then your kids will trust you.If you have a friend that is chronically late and says she will meet you for coffee at 9am, you most likely won't trust that she will be there at 9am.This was shown in as young as preschoolers that when children are exposed to people that do not keep their word; they are less likely to trust and practice self control. In the Marshmallow Test, the kids did not believe, or trust, that they would actually get 2 marshmallows at the end. So why wait? Take the one now that they are guaranteed!When your child does not expect the delayed reward or consequence to be delivered, then they are going to act rationally and do what they know they will get. If you constantly say, "this is the last song for Cocomelon and then we turn the TV off..." but you allow another song when your toddler screams...this is because they know you aren't going to follow through on your word when they scream and cry.If you tell your child to stop bothering their brother or they do not get dessert, but you've said this before and they keep bothering their brother and they DO get dessert...then they know you won't follow through, so they keep doing it.This is a rational response! If your kids don't trust your word, then they will do what benefits them most.The way to get your kids to trust you is to follow through on your word. On the good and bad. The consequences and rewards. It won't be easy at first...trust me, I've been there. But when you continue to do what you say you're going to do, they will trust you.www.allyoumama.comIG -@MeghanQBarrett