Two Boys in a Balcony

OH YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DEAD? Well nobody told us! That's right folks for exactly one week only your 7th favorite podcast that you listen to strictly out of obligation is back to discuss the forthcoming Academy Awards. It's Hollywood's biggest night and for you this episode might be your biggest fright! That's right! There's a Three Men in a Baby ghost in this one! Marvel as Sean mispronounces almost every nominee's name! You'll be dazed as Bill attempts to pronounce the name of his favorite movie! You'll swoon as Will realizes what a horrible mistake he's made associating with two elderly morons! It's fun! The Balcony will be back Summertime 2005 with half a face iron (the other half look like alien science)

Welp folks, all good things must eventually wither and die and just like the sands in an hourglass, this tv show, like all tv shows, sucks ass. It's a movie podcast and we're in the middle of spooky movie month so what better way to wrap up Boo Englund 4: The Final Chapter than with a three hour TELEVISION mini-series. It's profoundly boring for 2 hours and 30 minutes but boy howdy do the remaining 15 minutes sprinkled across this thing rip. Rest in Pieces (a movie we should have just done another episode on). It's Salem's Lot. Bye.

Pay know attention to the man riffing alone for upwards of 7 minutes and definitely don't go down in the basement because this week the Balcony is the only safe place in the House by the Cemetery, another Boo Englund classic that we maybe should have thought more about before watching because it's not very good is it? Anyway. Enjoy!

What's scarier than being super horny? Nothing if you ask me, the guy writing this. It's a sinful pastime and should be discussed with pastor asap. It's Two Boys in a Balcony and we're talking what might be the horniest horror comedy of all time, the Witches of Eastwick, a film in which three of the most beautiful women of all time all supernaturally fight over who gets to bang Jack Nicholson. Tough life, Jack. It's week two of Boo Englund 4: the Final Chapter!

Friends, family, lovers, we gather here today to lay to rest Two Boys In A Balcony, the award watching, formerly New England film podcast and its two hosts, Bill McMorrow and Sean Sullivan, and we welcome back from the grave Thrill McMorgue-o and Halloween Sean Sullivan as Boo Englund returns for it's fourth and final chapter! That's right! It's Boo Englund 4: The Final Chapter and we're kicking things off with Ghost Sean's first selection, the awesomely titled and mediocrely movied 1971 film, Let's Scare Jessica to Death! It's neither scary nor (spoilers) does Jessica die! Why did he pick it? BECAUSE FRANKENSEAN (there it is) SKULLIVAN (holy shit folks we did it!) is a deranged maniac! So join Thrill McMorgue-o and Frankesean Skullivan as we say goodbye to Oscar and say hello to the Scary Oscars!

Run, don't walk, to the exit of any place where you might be forced to watch one second of this week's film, Chariots of Fire, a movie so boring, I'm refusing to write another word about it.

You can take your outerspace superhero race car movies and shove'em up your butt cause this week we've got a film that's just about ordinary people... ordinary people at the top of their tax bracket.... ordinary people in an impossibly large house that somehow doesn't have a swimming pool or maybe it did I didn't notice THIS FILM IS ABOUT THE PERFORMANCES. In 1980, American stud Rob Redford picked up a camera, winked at it, and said, "I reckon I could win best picture with one of these" and history was made. Wow. What a great piece of film journalism. You didn't know that because you can barely read. When God was handing out brains, you were like, "duh i don't need one of those" and then babbled your lips with your index finger like a big diaper wearing baby. You're basically as smart as a smart dog compared to me, a guy as smart as ten smart dogs. You're ordinary people and I'm extraordinary people. We are not the same. Sincerley, Bill McMorrow the person who wrote that you are as smart as a smart dog.

Balcony Vs. Basement. Godzilla Vs. Kong. Ecks Vs. Sever. Kenny Vs. Spenny. Spy Vs. Spy. Results Vs. Expectations. Sullivan Vs. McMorrow. Kramer Vs. Kramer.

It's the compendium to our old Deer Hunter episode where we talk about the other nominees. It's the first half of the podcast without the second half of the podcast cause that was already a podcast! Do you understand? We don't talk about the Deer Hunter very much in this episode titled the Deer Hunter because we already did the Deer Hunter during Cazalentine's 2021. It's pretty simple. Don't be so thick.

If only we knew then what we knew now, I wouldn't have to write up a write-up for Woody Allen's Annie Hall. Maybe I'd be writing a write-up about Star Wars... oh Star Wars... you ever hear of this thing Star Wars? Nominated for Best Picture at the 51st Academy Awards, Star Wars tells the epic tale of a young farmhand ripped by fate from his quiet life of skyhopping womp rats into a tale of intergalactic intrigue and politics, meeting wondrous creatures and friends along the way. Good movie, Star Wars. One of the best! Anyway, Annie Hall is about how a guy doesn't want to have sex with a hot lady cause she's too cool. We have different priorities, you and I, and that's fine.

IN THIS CORNER.... WEIGHING 165 POUNDS... THE 2022 FUNNIEST PERSON IN MASSACHUSETTS... THE REASON FOR THE SEASON... BIG DADDY LAUGH.... FROM COMEDY CENTRAL.... MISTER SEAN SULLVAN FROM TELEVISION! And his opponent coming in at 115 pounds with no muscle tone and pecs... an absolute plucked chicken.... he will surely die in the ring tonight... 1987 HOT WING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD RECORD PENDING... Bill. Anyway. Bill can write these if he wants. He can even edit them before he posts them to instagram but I'll be honest, I don't know if he can read. We love him anyway! Rest in Power!

Cuckoo cuckoo! That's right, friends! It's time once again for the Balcony to fly over the cuckoo's nest all the way to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, the 1975 mental asylum comedy drama extravaganza! All the pug ugly character actors that still crushed an unconscionable amount of ass are on full display! It's a character actor buffet. Plus we talk about what's possibly the best lineup of movies we've ever covered in the awards era of the Balcony. Any of them could have except Barry Lyndon!

Well well well look it is. Our ooooold friend the Godfather colon part two. Yup. That's right. Once again dedicating February 2021 to the late, great John Cazale has finally paid off because for the second time in three weeks, Sean didn't have to rewatch the movie! The Godfather colon part two is incredible but it's long and there's so many other movies to see and we talk about them and more this week in the Balcony.

What's good, rummy? It's old timey days in the Balcony today so 23 skidooo or whatever the hell... it's the greatest con of all... TWO BOYS IN A BALCONY TALKING ABOUT THE STING! It's the second of two Redford/Newman collabs and the only one to win the big dawg award for biggest dawgs in dawgville. It's a fun one today probably we hope. Godspeed and good riddance or something nicer. I hate writing these.

Hey gang. Look. We did the Godather way back in Cazalentine's 2021. So we reposted that episode. But we really wanted to talk about Cabaret and Deliverance and also two other movies I can't remember right now. But i'm sure they're good. They were nominated for best picture. When was the last time a bad movie ever got nominated for Best Picutre, Joker?

Bond with a snail and punch a mime cause it's the French Connection!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOONNNNNN AT EASE ABOUT FACE Ladies and gentlemen, we didn't lose the episode this time! It's Patton! A movie about a dick who won a war or something. George C Scott seems like a pill and George S Patton seems like a psycho but God Bless them both because we got to watch fake tanks fight! It's Patton! Patton on the Ritz! If anybody wants to write these, please email me your episode descriptions to seans272@gmail.com and also money

Well, I'm packin up my game and I'ma head out west, where real women come equipped wit' scripts and fake breasts. Find a nest in the hills, chill like flynt. Buy an old drop-top, find a spot to pimp. Then I'ma Two Boys in a Balcony-it up and down ya' block, With a bottle of scotch and watch lotsa crotch. Buy a yacht with a flag sayin' "chillin' the most." Then rock that bitch up and down the coast. Yee-haw motherfathers! This week on the Balcony, we're talking scumbag classic Midnight Cowboy, the only X-rated film to ever win Best Picture and boy howdy is it scummy? I don't know about this one. You're telling me a cowboy is gonna midnight? Come on. Anywho grab a bus ticket to Florida and cuddle a corpse cause it's Two Boys in a Balcony.

Why should I worry? Why should I caaaaaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaare? I hope when Billy Joel drove through the front of your house, he didn't damage your dad's Hi-Fi because this week on the Balcony the boys have gone to the dogs? That's right! We watched the 1988 Disney classic(?) Oliver and Company which incredibly was named the Best Picture of 1968 at the 1969 Academy Awards! Confused? Need me to draw you a map? It's not going to help solve the very simple comedic confusion I've introduced but it will lead you to the help you need. You're going to need supplies. Do you have a fanny pack? Yes? Throw it away. Where we're going, everything needs to be contained within the body cavity. Don't walk away. The future of the past depends on your actions right here in the present.... where are you going?

Sure they call it In the Heat of the Night but an awful lot of it takes place in the heat of the day! That's funny! Yo it's the Balcony Boys and we're here once again to discuss the 40th film to be named Best Picture by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences but more than that, we're talking about one of the most important years in cinematic history! What? That's right, punks! Golden Hollywood is fading away and New Hollywood is stepping up to change everything. It's a good one, folks!

Hark! Ho! Herald! Hear ye, hear ye! The Lord Majesty, Henry 8, needs some new strange and only one man stands in his way and that man's name is A Man For All Seasons. That's right! It's the movie that won best picture at the 39th Academy Awards and that the Boys Balcony watched.... ALL THE WAY THROUGH! Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall, all you have to do is call up your favorite podcast app and stick in your favorite ear buds or headphones. We don't tell you how to live. Enjoy or don't. Again. You have free will. Look around you. You can change! All it takes is one step!

The hiiiiiiiiiiiiiills are aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive with sound of balcony! LOL What? That's right! The Boys are finally back to talking about a movie that almost everybody has seen except for Sean who had not seen it! It's the Sound of Music, the timeless cherised classic masterpiece that tells the story of a sexy nun who hangs out with other sexy nuns until she becomes the music teacher to a bunch of kids and starts a world war 2. Also there is a goat puppet show that makes no sense. O ho lay dee odl lee o, lay dee odl lee o lay! It's a fun one so gather up the family, explain to them why you have to excuse yourself for an hour, and hop into your big boy hammock and have yourself a siesta. You've earned it! And while you're resting, why not take this new episode of America's Dumbest Film Critics Critiquing the 20th Century Masterworks of Cinema for a spin!

The boys are back in town (the boys are back in town)! That's right! Rip down the caution tape! Mop up the chalk outlines! The Balcony is back open for business and boy howdy do we have an episode for you! The golden years of Hollywood are thank friggin christ drawing to a close and the 70s are right there... right there! It's just a few more weeks of goofy, big budget bullshit and then it's Midnight Cowboy times. But that's five years away. Right now, we need to visit the first of three musicals that win best picture in the middle 60s and we're doing it in high style with a movie that looks better than it is and sounds better than it should, My Fair Lady, the timeless tell of a groomer grooming a girl in a very literal sense (they wash her... more than once). It's full of songs only your parents could love and costumes that are admittedly extravagant. It's just there. Sean likes it enough. Bill doesn't. I don't know what to tell you. We're rusty and it's free. Go listen to Pod Save America or something you namby pamby babies.

It's not unusual for the Balcony Boys to have a hard time paying attention to a stuffy boring English movie It's not unusual for the Balcony Boys to get distracted by slaps heard round the world It's not unusual for the Balcony Boys to run out of steam within the first three lines of a VERY good song parody. It's Tom Jones day here in the Balcony and what a weird moving picture do we have for you today. It's the John the Baptist announcing the arrival of New Hollywood but still being like we can only tell lame ass stories about the aristocratic class. I don't know. It's a rough one and I hope there's some funny. Big shouts to New England film Best Picture Winner Coda... we'll see you... in 59 weeks (give or take a Boo Englund or two or three)

It's a real special edition of Two Boys in a Balcony as America's Dumbest Film Critics, Bill and Sean, are joined by an actual young person with thoughtful, articulate critiques and reviews of the art of cinema who doesn't think Lawrence of Arabia is "too fucking long" or "stupid." That's right! It's actor, comedian, raconteur, man with the lumberjack hands, Will Martin! Will stops by the balcony to discuss the 2022 Academy Awards nominees as we gear up for the big game on Sunday night! It's the Super Bowl of Film except without a lot of the excitement, suspense, and drama of football because we've just gone through two months of precursor awards that make the winners on Sunday somewhat inevitable to us (film journalists) but maybe not to you (regular normals). Will Sean stick to his guns and go with West Side Story down the line? Will Will make a very moving defense of Licorice Pizza that will get shot down by two fat old guys going, "He's a child" over and over like Mark Ruffalo in Spotlight? Will Bill prove that he has any range as an actor and cast aside his Boston accent to try and sound like he's from Minnesota? All of these questions and more will be answered over a very chaotic and potentially unlistenable two hours! Enjoy!

Here's the god's honest truth straight from the mouth of your boy Seanald Sillyman. When the Boys, Balcony sit down to watch one of these Best Picture winners, we try to go in with as few expectations as possible. We want to give these pictures a fair shake. We're America's Dumbest Film Critics and if we can't objectively evaluate these Best Picture winners, do we even deserve those titles? So it is with a heavy heart that we announce if while following the simple mathematical concept know to layman as "rounding up" your movie clocks in at FOUR FUCKING HOURS, then you, dear film, have to earn that runtime and frankly, Lawrence of Arabia, a film that many people consider one of the greatest of all time, does not meet the high, high standards of the Boys in the Balcony. That's right, folks. Lawrence of Arabia is a classic Boondock Saints, a film that we can understand people enjoying but we just did not in almost any way. Good riddance, Larry of Arabia.

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONIGHT TONIGHT! The Boys are crackerjack boom bap zapped to be talking about an absolute masterpiece, the 1961 Best Picture West Side Story, daddy-o. Stay cool. Zip. Pow.

In this Balcony, when the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences awards a comedy, we salute and we stan. This is maybe the funniest Best Picture? It's certainly the funniest Best Picture winner of the first 33 Best Picture winners. This week, Billy and Seany borrow the keys to somebody else's balcony and have a little bit of fun with Billy Wilder's comedic masterpiece The Apartment. Holy lordy, insurance salesman are horny! This is a wonderful lil movie and at 2 hours and 4 minutes, it's a motherlovin' breeze! You could almost watch this in one sitting unless you have a baby bladder like the boys in the balcony. Take some time this week to enjoy some Jack Lemonade and let us be your disoriented and easily distracted guides through the hollowed grounds of cinema!

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears as we gather to examine the God William Wyler's final Best Picture winning film, the three hour and forty flipping minute epic Ben-Hur starring Charlton Heston or Phil Hartman doing an impression of Charlton Heston depending on your politics. Don't let the runtime of the movie fool you. This thing is a goddamn breeze. What a picture. We also spend half the time talking about Anatomy of a Murder cause that's also great. Movies are good, you clowns. Watch more movies.

Here's the thing, folks. Sometimes they get it wrong. Sometimes they get it wrong and there's just nothing you can do about it. The past is the past. You can dream, sure. You can sit around and think of all the hypotheticals... what if I could go back and kill baby Hitler? What if I could go back and slap the living shit out of Vincente Minnelli for even thinking about making this abomination? This is the worst best picture winner we have seen so far. It's yucky. I'd rather watch Gigli.

When you're weary Feeling small When tears are in your eyes I'll dry them all I'm on your side Oh, when times get rough And friends just can't be found Like a bridge on the river kwai I will lay me down Like a bridge on the river kwai I will lay me down When you're down and out When you're on the street When evening falls so hard I will comfort you I'll take your part Oh, when darkness comes And pain is all around Like a bridge on the river kwai I will lay me down Like a bridge on the river kwai I will lay me down Sail on silver girl Sail on by Your time has come to shine All your dreams are on their way See how they shine Oh, if you need a friend I'm sailing right behind Like a bridge on the river kwai I will ease your mind Like a bridge on the river kwai I will ease your mind

Guys, we fucked up and forgot to watch a movie but still wanted to bro down so enjoy!

Good morrow, weary traveller. Why not let down your load and let me tell you a tale (in real time!) of a man who travelled around the world in 80 days. By the time this film is over, your children will be resentful of how you spend your time. It's the 1956 Best Picture winner, Around the World in 80 Days! It's interminably long. It has all the charm of watching vacation photos from a person you hate. Keep an ear out for a very special guest this week in the Balcony! He's a little rascal but we love him! Cowabunga, hot air balloon enthusiasts!

Ladies and gentlemen, what was the Best Picture winner at the 1956 Academy Awards? Herb Stempel would have you think it's On the Waterfront because he's a fucking idiot and has no sense of cinematic history. The answer of course, is Marty. Lovable, fat, dog-faced Marty. A true dog. One of the doggiest dogs that ever dogged. On top, on bottom, from the front or the back, it's always doggystyle when Marty is involved. It's one of the most prestigious winners of all time, Marty, this week in the Balcony.

Hey I could have been a contender! I could have been a something! Instead of a B.U.M. Equipment sales representative! Ladies and gentlemen, the boys went remote again cause of the gosh darn novel coronavirus variant number five or six at this point but fret not, it's a whole episode of chuckles and fuckles all about the best picture winner of 1954, the excellent anti-union propaganda piece, On the Waterfront, directed by actual dead snitch Elia Kazan. The tragic story of a guy who was afraid of collective bargaining, Kazan directed the movie also. I hate this paragraphs. Nobody reads them. I shoveled snow all morning and now I'm sitting here typing this shit out. This isn't how it was supposed to be. I had dreams of my name in lights, up on the stage, reciting some of the great dramatical works of the 20th century. I could have been a contender. I could have been a somebody instead of a B.U.M. Equipment sales representative. It's On the Waterfront!

Loyal listeners, WE. ARE. BACK. FROM. THE. ONE. WEEK. WE. TOOK. OFF. It's 1953's Best Picture winner, From Here to Eternity and spoiler alert, neither of the boys remembered to do say the title of the film in "Near.... far" Grover voice. I just wanted to get it in there. Partial credit is still credit. It's the touching story of a bunch of beach bums who answer the call when they're nation (or what would be their nation in another 15 years) comes under attack. We had fun. We sing some Sinatra. It's good.

Ho ho ho! The boys are taking a couple weeks off from their Academy Awards mega-watch but didn't want to leave you standing in the breeze, holding your junk, reflecting on the decline of the American empire. We wouldn't do that to you so we recorded an episode about a classic Hollywood Christmas special long lost to time but found 10 years ago and lovingly restored and dumped onto HBOMax with no fanfare. It's Rod Serling's A Carol for Another Christmas directed by lil Mank(Mank!) and starring the cast of Dr Strangelove. Does it rule? Absolutely. Is it depressing? Absolutely. WIll you be able to get credit at your local community college for watching and engaging with this poignant and still relevant film? Absolutely. That's the Balcony guarantee! Listening to this podcast is worth 7 credits at any community college. Bill's already half way to a degree in tube television repairs and Sean is in the Matrix. Do you want the red pill or the blue pill? The red pill wakes you up from this pristine nightmare world and the blue pill keeps sedated and denies you the joy of the post-apocalyptic utopia where there is no sun. Follow the rabbit or something. Bullettime.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! Step right up and behold the most misleadingly titled film of all time, The Greatest Show on Earth! Directed by Cecil B Demille, this circus documentary disguised as a love story/fugitive clown story is so long that I don't want to prattle on about it anymore so Bill will have to fill in something on the instagram post cause I'm tired goddammit. i'm so fucking tired.

Light up those baguettes, folks because this week the Balcony is in the City of Lights, France, where they got nude beaches but the girls don't shave their pits. It's An American in Paris directed by Vincente Minelli and starring Gene Kelly and really that's the story here. Holy hell. You seen this guy? Gene Kelly? Fucking incredible. An absolute star. One of the brightest of all time. There's 90 minutes of an adorable movie and then 20 minutes that elevates it to a level of greatness we rarely see. It's An American in Paris and it's a movie and we're a podcast!

Finally.... it's Kim Carnes's time to shine! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends. We took a week off last week so Billy Boy could spoil the natural beauty of Aruba but we're back this week celebrating all things Oscar (de la hoya, the grouch, mayer) and we've got a doozy this week as we talk about All About Eve! Bette Davis is back and she's still the goddamned greatest and she's still getting messy with her female co-stars. Great performances abound and a good movie will be found. Also we sing probably I don't know. We just recorded but we both enter fugue states. It's All About Eve and it's all about fun!

Humpty Dumpty sat in the Balcony, eating his curds and wey. Along came some dipshits to discuss all the movies and pushed Humpty Dumpty to his death. That's right, folks. IT WAS MURDER. That dumb egg bitch wouldn't play ball so the Balcony political machine scrambled his ass. Folks, it's Year 22 of our celebration of the Academy Award for Best Picture winning films and boy howdy do we got a dang barn burner for all you hicks in the sticks. It's the 1949 political melodrama All the King's Men and it's gooooooood as heck. Not perfect by any means but light years better than the absolutely attrocious 2006 Sean Penn starring remake. Holy shit is that thing bad. There was a slight covid related mishap about 8 minutes in (we're both physically still alive) but there's plenty of fun in the sun. If you're down Aruba way, make sure to say hey to Bill McMorrow. He's the one farting up the hot tub at all hours of the night!

To BE or not to BE, that is the question. This movie sucks. Hamlet rules but we both hated this in ways unexpected and wondrous. Genuinely surpirsed by this too. If you look at the list of all the Best Picture winners, I would rather watch almost any of them including Crash and Green Book before I ever lay eyes on this version of Hamlet again. Laurence Olivier, fuck you. Two Boys in a Balcony does not care for you or your attitude.

Welp, this is the week Bill finally broke. Poor guy was cruising right along and I don't know if it's the residual stress of a global pandemic or what but our sweet, sweet boy finally lost his damn mind this week which actually works in your favor cause as we return to our Best Picture Weekly Marathon, this week's Best Picture winner is just kind of... fine? I don't know. It's a very heavy handed film about a very important issue that still plagues us as a society but I'll be honest, I thought for sure this was the week we'd accidentally cross a line and cancel each other but we didn't? Maybe? I don't really remember. It's 1947's Gentleman's Agreement and we're the Balcony Boys and you're you and goddammit you're doing the best you can.

Somebody got a little damn cosmic horror in my regularly scheduled Boo Englund 3D! Folks, it's John Carpenter's underappreciated piece of brilliance, In The Mouth of Madness. Just a typical tale of insurance fraud mixed with the cosmic origins of the universe. Somebody even says, "The Old Ones" in this thing. It's a straight up Cthulhu. Sam Neil from JURASSIC PARK EVER HEARD OF IT, stars as a flipping narc come to make sure that big insurance stays rich and uh oh loses his damn mind. Like all the way. Like it's impressive how little of his mind is left at the end of this thing. It's a wild one and here to help you navigate it are a couple of boys who know a thing or two about going mad and getting mad. It's the Two Boys of Two Boys in a Balcony talking about the great JC. Merry Christmas ya'll

Who the let the DOG out? Woof woof woof woof. Haha lol it's week three of Boo Englund 3D and we're talking about the scariest thing on the planet Earth, of course, rabies and adultery. We take another trip round Stephen King country as we look at the compelling story of a dog that got bit by a bat who then goes on a killing spree of property protection proportions. Fully on Cujo's side in this one folks. Look wittle chonky fur baby Cujo! Who cares if sometimes it's a guy in a suit or a chocolate lab in a suit. Bonus: we talk about the dangers of sugary cereal (or mention it. i really can't keep track of what it is we say). Sean auditions for a Colbert Report reboot and Bill turns 51! Ain't life grand! He's going to Aruba so venmo MrSeanSullivan any amount of money so that Bill can pay off his trip!

Look, folks. There comes a time in every podcast's life where one of the hosts takes a nauseating boat ride to a beautiful New England island, gets zero sleep, takes the first nauseating boat ride home in the morning, dads all day, and then falls asleep multiple times while recording a podcast about a movie that no one likes. Folks. The sound this week is less than ideal but at least the content is content. We watched Flowers in the Attic for week two of Boo Englund 3D and it's a stinker. No two ways around it. This has big tv movie energy but somehow played in theaters. There's less incest than you expect but more incest than you'd hope. Very little flowers. Good amount of attic.

When there's something strange... in your podcast app... who gon' call? The Balcony Boys. Hmmm that parody fell apart pretty quick. I don't feel good about that one. It's Boo Englund 3D! WHAT? That's right! For one month only, Sean and Bill have agreed to set aside the award winning films of dead people to watch movies that have won absolutely no awards about dead people! These are the Halloween movies of New England and we're easing into with a Halloween flick that actually did win an Academy Award (Best Score) and was nominated for upwards of one (1) additional Academy Award. It's a tale as old as time. Have you ever looked at your dumb life and thought "What the fuck am I doing here? Why I don't just sell my soul to the damn devil and then hire the greatest legal mind of the 1800s to get me out of it?" Weird thought but it's also the plot of The Devil and Daniel Webster. So rate... review... and SURVIVE MUHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh ladies and gentlemen... 2020... 2021... these... these are not the best years of our lives, folks. There are merely years of our lives. The Best Years of Our Lives? Ummm the immediate aftermath of the second world war. EVER HEARD OF IT? It's William Wyler's three hour post-war epic! It came so close to sweeping and winning every award it was nominated for (get your act together, sound recorder of The Best Years of Our Lives). It's a quiet human movie and it cooks. You blink and there's only 2 hours and 30 mins left. Blink again and it's only 2 hours left! It's really a beautiful film and we're arguably the two stupidest people that have ever discussed it. It's a fun one. It's the Best Hour and Half of Your Day!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Reefer Madness of whiskey... the Lost Weekend! Have you ever been some dipshit sad sack in 1940s New York so addicted to the drink that you'll... drink? Yeah. Intense shit. It's definitely a movie and it definitely won awards and we here at Balcony Boys Industries can't for the life of us figure out why. Sometimes these award winners are magical surprises and sometimes these award winners are 90 minute slogs about one miserable shit trying to drink himself to death. At least, Philp Marlowe and the Thin Man had the decency to solve some crimes in the midst of their living blackouts. I don't know. Two weeks till Boo Englund 3D! Get your tshirts at a store that makes tshirts and then also send us some of those tshirts (3xl/2xl - Bill thinks he's an XL and right now? Maybe he is but come on... throw another x on the man's shirt. If it's too big he can use it as a sleep shirt.)

Aw gee shucks wilikers I done forgot to post the podcast on time because this week's Best Picture plum tuckered me out by struggling to keep me awake! It's Going My Way, the story of a golf-loving priest who turns a whole bunch lil' stinkers (boys) into a show choir! It's the who-gives-a-shit-est choice they could have made after giving the Big Dog award to Casablanca last week but that's life, right? That's what all the people say.

Here is looking at you, kid! It's Casablanca! What? You haven't seen Casablanca? Oh. Weird. You might want to do that or at the very least, never say those words out loud ever again. Don't ever tell somebody you haven't seen Casablanca. What're you stupid? You're not stupid. You're smart. Very smart. And handsome or beautiful or some non-gendered way to objectify your level of attraction. Believe in yourself. We believe in you. It's a good movie and you deserve to do something nice for yourself. Stop being so co-dependent. You don't need a man or a woman. You just need a couch and a tv or an airplane and a phone or a movie theater that is very specifically showing the Best Picture Winning film, Casablanca and if you don't have those things, maybe make better choices. A lot of this all depends on personal responsibility. You can try and blame other people for not having seen Casablanca OR you could splash some cold water on your face and get your act together. You're almost 39 for crissakes you can't keep doing this. It's all just hustle hustle hustle for gigs and then you spend the rest of the time trying to track down the money. What're you getting out of this? Sure, you make people laugh by the dozens at a time but is that it? Is that all you wanted to be? A stand up comedian, forever in debt to the ruling banks of this land? Grab a rock and smash the glass. This is an emergency. Grab that axe and cut the umbilical cord that's stuck in the machine of life like an old lady's foxwoods reward card attached to the oxygen tank on her jazzy stuck in a slot machine. Free yourself from the Matrix. I can't believe you forgot to mention the fucking Casablanca scene in Space Jam A New Legacy. The two of you/us watched that fucking thing and we didn't even think for a second that it was worth mentioning? Anyway. Good movie.