Podcasts about 3coze inc

We explore the tension behind the return to the office and discover ways to engage in the conflict with team effectiveness expert Liane Davey. In this discussion, we think through ideas about what is happening in our Canadian landscape around hybrid work and what responsibilities individuals have , beyond the task of work, toward their team and organization. Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author of three books, including TheGood Fight: Use Produc3ve Conflict to Get Your Team and Your Organiza3on Backon Track and You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get StuffDone. She is a contributor to the Harvard Business Review and frequently calledon by media outlets for her experience on leadership, team effecEveness, andproducEvity. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises companies such asAmazon, TD Bank, Walmart, UNICEF, 3M, and SONY. Liane has a Ph.D. inOrganizaEonal Psychology.Team Check-in Activities available at: https://www.lianedavey.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/3COze-Team-Check-in-Tools-universal.pptx

Wow! What a treasure trove of helpful information about productive conflict. Liane Davey talks with clarity, authenticity, and grounded daily evidence of conflict in all the various forms it takes. We ALL have to deal with conflict which is about incompatibility at all levels. Liane talks about “optimizing tension versus friction”. Please join us as we discuss the conflicts caused by “the return to office”, as a leader how to give effective feedback, and the pros and cons of ‘remote' conflict and ‘old fashioned managers'! We finish with a fascinating perspective on what Liane calls the “Dragon breathing fire as they protect their treasure.' Biography Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author of three books, including The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Your Organization Back on Track and You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get Stuff Done. She is a contributor to the Harvard Business Review and is frequently called on by media outlets for her experience on leadership, team effectiveness, and productivity. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises companies such as Amazon, TD Bank, Walmart, UNICEF, 3M, and SONY. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology.

Liane Davey discusses how to ease the friction of conflict to make way for more productive conversations.— YOU'LL LEARN — 1) Why facts won't solve a conflict—and what will2) How to productively respond to harsh criticism 3) What most people get wrong about feedback Subscribe or visit AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep827 for clickable versions of the links below. — ABOUT LIANE — Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author. Her most recent book is The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Your Organization Back on Track. She is a contributor to the Harvard Business Review and is called on by the media for her leadership, team effectiveness, and productivity expertise. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she has companies such as Amazon, RBC, Walmart, UNICEF, 3M, and SONY. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology. • Book: The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Organization Back on Track• LinkedIn: Liane Davey• Website: LianeDavey.com— RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE SHOW — • Tool: The Birkman Method• Book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides) by Marshall Rosenberg and Deepak Chopra• Book: Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chriss Voss and Tahl Raz• Past episode: 552: The Foundational Principle that Separates Good Leaders from Bad Ones with Pat Lencioni• Past episode: 770: How to Become the Manager that Your Team Wants with Russ LarawaySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this HRchat episode, we consider the challenges of making hybrid teams work and better ways to communicate to help you prioritize what matters the most to the success of your business.The guest this time is Liane Davey, a New York Times Bestselling author of three books. Liane's books include The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Your Organization Back on Track and You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get Stuff Done. She is a contributor to the Harvard Business Review and is frequently called on by media outlets for her experience on leadership, team effectiveness, and productivity. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology and, as the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises companies such as Amazon, TD Bank, Walmart, UNICEF, 3M, and SONY. Questions For Liane Include:You were part of the senior leadership team at LHH Knightsbridge for over a decade. What are you most proud of from your time there and how did it help shape what you do today?In a post called Overcoming the Challenges of Hybrid Teams, you say "hybrid teams will create different experiences for people on the same team and the implications could be profound. Ultimately, I believe that hybrid is the best answer." Why are hybrid teams the way forward and has it been a bumpy transition for the companies you work with so far? In another post from Oct 2022 called Managing the Stress of Feeling Overwhelmed, you offer strategies to prevent, recognize, or address the stress that comes from being overwhelmed. Can you share some of these strategies with our listeners?For those employees feeling overwhelmed, how can they have powerful conversations with their bosses to prioritize their tasks? You've said, "we aren't doing a good job with conflict. We keep trying to out-smart, out-evidence, or out-fact people. Facts don't solve fights". How can HR and leaders listen more effectively to uncover an employee's values and beliefs and better understand how a situation is threatening them? We do our best to ensure editorial objectivity. The views and ideas shared by our guests and sponsors are entirely independent of The HR Gazette, HRchat Podcast and Iceni Media Inc.   

Join Laura Gassner Otting as she hosts this episode of LGOtv with special guest, Dr. Liane Davey.Dr. Liane Davey - Conflict Coach, High Tea Lover, Watercooler Psychologist Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author of three books, including The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Your Organization Back on Track and You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get Stuff Done. She is a frequent contributor to the Harvard Business Review and frequently called on by media outlets for her experience on leadership, team effectiveness, and productivity.As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises companies such as Amazon, TD Bank, Walmart, UNICEF, 3M, and SONY. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology.1:19 Ladies & Gentleman, Dr. Liane Davey.2:14 I'm conflict adverse but I'm not shy to defend someone I love.4:37 We are pugilistic when it comes to defending outside our tribes.6:04 Canadians do have conflict, it's just very passive aggressive. 8:39 Thinking about conflict like exercise: I don't like doing abs - but I know it will make me stronger so I need to just do them. I don't need to LIKE conflict, I just need to do it.9:02 Conflict averse vs. conflict avoidant. 14:26 Don't just rush into the answers when someone comes to you with a problem. 16:27 Start with “What's the problem?” and then leave some space. 18:03 How do you determine what someone's appetite for a solution is?20:43 What do you need? Validation or Resuscitation?23:40 The problem with “Let's agree to disagree.”26:50 How do we get into conflict debt - and how do we get out of it?32:10 Manager and Leader are not the same role. 38:00 LGO's most abusive management story.40:47 Tension vs Friction.42:09 Is this a meeting or a tea party?49:06 Am I letting people on my team add value?51:57 The role of conflict in the virtual workplace.56:44 Great feedback needs to be concrete. 58:42 The LBD of feedback.https://www.instagram.com/lianedavey/https://www.facebook.com/DrLianeDaveyhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/lianedavey/https://twitter.com/LianeDavey

Welcome to the ICT podcast. This is the second episode of season three. Today I am talking to a psychologist. Not in the way you might be guessing. But with someone who has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology, Liane Davey.A New York Times Bestselling author of three books, Liane is also known as the water cooler psychologist. And we are talking about team dynamics, leadership in current times, hybrid work environments, and so on.In this episode, we are talking about:Role of an organizational psychologistWhat does team dynamic mean?How has team dynamics evolved over the past decade?Issues with written communication in today's world.How can you handle written communication more effectively?Hybrid has complicated the whole situation, why?The one linchpin holding team dynamics together.Why a phone call is still the best option?What's the alternative for having water-cooler conversations?Practical advice for the new team managers.Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author of three books, including The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Your Organization Back on Track and You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get Stuff Done. Known as the Water Cooler Psychologist, she is a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review and frequently called on by media outlets for her experience in leadership, team effectiveness, and productivity. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises companies such as Amazon, TD Bank, Walmart, UNICEF, 3M, and SONY. Liane has a PhD in Organizational Psychology. ABOUTICT Podcast is all about innovation, communication, and technology – a few key areas that are super important in today's world. If you want to know what it takes to be a better innovator, better communicator, and leverage technology to make this world a better place, please subscribe. Every week, I bring new perspectives, ideas, tips, and techniques so that you can improve all these aspects of your life. WEB: https://www.anandtamboli.comYOUTUBE: https://www.anandtamboli.com/youtubeLINKEDIN: https://www.anandtamboli.com/linkedinBOOKS: https://www.anandtamboli.com/amazonSupport the show (https://www.anandtamboli.com/author?s=podcast)

For someone that is conflict-avoidant, today's guest Liane Davey has devised some powerful systems we can all use to help facilitate productive conflict at work. Liane is a New York Times Bestselling author of three books, including The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team. She is a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review and has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology. She is also the co-founder of 3COze Inc., where she advises on strategy and executive team effectiveness at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, and Google.  In this fascinating conversation, we dive into the power of constructive language, turning a weakness into a strategic advantage, embracing productive tensions – and why she is often referred to as the Water Cooler Psychologist. Links mentioned https://www.amazon.co.uk/Leadership-Gap-What-Between-Greatness/dp/1101981350/ (‘The Leadership Gap' by Lolly Daskal) https://www.amazon.co.uk/You-First-Inspire-Along-Stuff/dp/1118636708 (‘You First' by Liane Davey) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Fight-Productive-Conflict-Organization/dp/198902520X/ (‘The Good Fight' by Liane Davey) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break/dp/B07J1XQSNK/ (‘Atomic Habits' by James Clear) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Be-More-Pirate-Take-World/dp/0241307880/ (‘Be More Pirate' by Sam Conniff Allende) https://hbr.org/2013/12/on-a-terrible-team-maybe-youre-making-it-worse (On a Terrible Team? Maybe You're Making It Worse by Liane Davey – HBR) https://www.lianedavey.com/ (LianeDavey.com) https://www.linkedin.com/in/liane-davey-2574911/ (Liane's LinkedIn)

My guest today is Dr. Liane Davey - a New York Times Bestselling author, Harvard Business Review contributor and the host of the ChangeYourTeam blog. Liane is also the co-founder of 3COze Inc., a company that helps organizations make teams more effective. Some of their clients include Amazon, Walmart, Aviva, TD Bank, and SONY PlayStation. I invited Liane to be a guest on my show to discuss the challenges of team building, especially during “The Great Resignation”. I wanted to know what businesses can do to help their teams stay connected while working from home. And I was curious to get her POV on why a healthy corporate culture is important in developing a strong brand.

Hello my friends! How are you today? I am great! Today is a busy day for me in a good way and I'm going to hot today later today and then tonight I am indulging in a virtual immersive theater experience from Candle House Collective called Good Morning. Candle House collective, their tag line is immersive theater on the other end of the line, and the way they talk about their work is: Candle House Collective creates immersive theatre, performed for one audience member at a time. Our work is typically remote/telephonic, inviting participants worldwide to explore deeply human stories and connections. So it's an experience over the phone, with voices and text. Candle House Collective creates immersive theatre, performed for one audience member at a time. Our work is typically remote/telephonic, inviting participants worldwide to explore deeply human stories and connections. It's 1:1 experience and I'm gonna tell you, I'm kind of nervous.  The whole phone call thing is throwing me. It's like I've experienced so many different immersive shows in person, so I've built my confidence there. And also you can see people's faces and react to nuanced emotions in a person and over the phone I can't do that, we can't do that right. So I'm nervous that somehow I'm not gonna do it right. And I'm also excited because the reviews for this show have been really great. So wish me luck my friends and I promise to tell you ALL ABOUT it! Today I have an incredible guest for you all, her name is Liane Davey. Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author of three books, including The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Your Organization Back on Track and You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get Stuff Done.  Known as the Water Cooler Psychologist, she is a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review and frequently called on by media outlets for her experience in leadership, team effectiveness, and productivity.  As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises on strategy and executive team effectiveness at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, TD Bank, Google, 3M, and SONY.  Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology.  We talk about how we, as women, can use the power of our voice in life, in leadership, at work, and in the world. Liane gives us time-tested tips to help us harness the power of our voice as women to advance our causes in the world.

Learning to prioritize is a huge part of coming into your own as a leader of any group, organization, or company. Without getting your priorities sorted, chaos descends upon whatever it is you're doing, and you end up getting much less done. Melanie Parish is joined by Liane Davey, a New York Times bestselling author and the Co-Founder of 3COze Inc. Together, Melanie and Liane emphasize the leadership benefits of learning to prioritize. This is an absolutely essential leadership skill and quality, so don't miss out on this conversation!Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!Here's How »Join The Experimental Leader community today:melanieparish.comYouTube

Conflict has become a dirty word in the workplace. But, according to our guest on this episode of Talking Business Now—New York Times bestselling author Dr. Liane Davey—companies that avoid or defer conflict find themselves struggling with "conflict debt.” Davey, an organizational psychologist, is the author of The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Organization Back on Track. She says: "Think of conflict debt like credit card debt. Conflict debt is the sum of all the contentious issues that need to be addressed to be able to move forward but instead remain undiscussed and unresolved. Like credit card debt, conflict debt compounds as leaders who avoid conflict pay interest dealing with drama, tamping down passive-aggressive behavior, and trying to patch eroded trust." Tune in to learn:Why we need more conflict in our organizations.How to have conflict productively.Why tension that is healthy and productive should be encouraged.The 3-step process for communicating with someone who disagrees with you.Tips for dealing with difficult personalities and behaviors.Why it's always important to have a "go-to" question that encourages the behavior you're looking for.Davey is a regular contributor to Harvard Business Review and the host of the ChangeYourTeam blog. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises on business strategy and executive team effectiveness, working with companies such as Amazon, Walmart and SONY PlayStation.    Connect With Liane Davey Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drlianedavey Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/lianedavey LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lianedavey/ Instagram: https://www.instragram.com/lianedavey   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

"It' in our DNA to care for others, cheer others on, help others, and inspire others."  -Larry Cockerel I, like you, have been on a lot of teams in my life.  I've been on good teams, bad teams, teams that have done very little and teams that have kicked some ass.  I have not, however, been on a team where conflict is not present.  In some way, shape, or form...conflict is there. Conflict can get a bad rap within the business world.  We're always talking about how to get along with difficult people but what if it's just a difficult situation with a lot of different personalities?   On this week's episode I'm talking to Dr. Liane Davey and we're discussing the new book she has coming out called, The Good Fight! It's about managing and harnessing the power of conflict within your team.  Conflict is good.  Without it, we'd never get anywhere!  ENJOY! My "Hot Skinny" Leadership Tip comes from my good friend Larry Cockerel from his new book, Your Life Matters.  Check it out and check Larry out at: https://larrycockerel.com/ More on Liane... Dr. Liane Davey is the New York Times Bestselling author of You First, Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get Stuff Done. She is a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review and the organizational psychology expert for Quartz magazine. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises on business strategy and executive team effectiveness and has worked with executives at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, Aviva, TD Bank, 3M, and SONY PlayStation. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology and has served as an evaluator for the American Psychological Association’s Healthy Workplace awards. Connect with her and pre-order her book at: https://www.lianedavey.com/  

Ep #66: We tend to avoid any conflict situations by nature. However, that does not always solve the problems. Our today’s guest teaches people to face the conflicts and go through them. We will touch relationship with the employees and freelancers, your communication with the clients and partners, and even will talk about the conflicts that can appear between you and your close people such as friends and family because you work on your business. In this episode, Dr. Liane Davey shares how to manage conflict situations in business. Dr. Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author, a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review, and the organizational psychology expert for Quartz magazine.  As the co-founder of 3COze Inc, she advises on business strategy and executive team effectiveness with executives at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, TD Bank, and SONY PlayStation. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology and has served as an evaluator for the American Psychological Association’s Healthy Workplace awards. Time Stamped Show Notes: [00:22] About the episode and Liane Davey [02:06] After 18 years of working in the consulting company Liane and her husband quit their jobs and started their own company [03:32] While many people avoid the conflict situations Liane Davey believes that you need to work through it [05:40] The most common business conflict situation is the unwillingness of business leaders to prioritize [07:53] How to manage conflict situations when you hire a person for a short-term project but still keep doing a lot of work by yourself [09:39] It's important to give people feedback and clarifying expectations [11:02] Feedback often goes wrong because we fill our feedback with judgment [12:25] If someone starts judging and hurting you give them a signal [14:18] When you work with the client instead of giving a feedback better ask them a question about the problem you see [16:50] How to manage conflict situations when you want to fire a person when the person is not a good fit for your team [22:24] Who are the toxic people and what to do with them [24:29] What to do when the person can positively impact your business, but this business partner is a toxic person [26:02] How to face the situation when you feel that friends and family don’t understand you in your business [29:15] “Why?” is the question we want to almost never use when we asked somebody why it makes them defensive [31:06] When you want people to do something different let them know what you expect [32:47] To avoid misunderstanding share your feelings, listen to another person then together decide where you will go from there [34:01] How to manage conflict situations when you’re in the middle of the conflict [37:48] Where to find Liane online [38:47] For the show notes go to IntNetworkPlus.com and subscribe to the Marketing for Creatives show Let’s get in touch: What topics do you want us to talk about in the next episodes? Who should I interview? Let me know on Instagram Did you get new insights? Please leave a short review on iTunes Get more marketing tips on intnetworkplus.com Follow on Instagram @MarinaBarayeva Follow on Twitter @MarinaBarayeva

Gain specific skills for thriving with conflict in all aspects of your life from expert Liane Davey as Mike Domitrz asks here about personal and professional situations. Discover why conflict is HEALTHY and we should look forward to engaging in conflict. * You are invited to join our community and conversations about each episode on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/MutuallyAmazingPodcast and join us on Twitter @CenterRespect or visit our website at http://www.MutuallyAmazingPodcast.com**   WATCH THE SHOW BELOW via Video and/or Read the Transcription WATCH RAW FOOTAGE HERE (CC is available on this video): OR SCROLL DOWN TO READ THE TRANSCRIPTION BIO of Liane Davey:Dr. Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author, a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review, and the organizational psychology expert for Quartz magazine. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises on business strategy and executive team effectiveness and has worked with executives at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, Aviva, TD Bank, and SONY PlayStation. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology and has served as an evaluator for the American Psychological Association’s Healthy Workplace awards.   Links:  www.facebook.com/drlianedavey www.twitter.com/lianedavey https://www.linkedin.com/in/liane-davey-2574911/   Recommended Book: Never Spit the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss and Tahi Raz   READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPTION of the EPISODE HERE (or download the pdf): **IMPORTANT: This podcast episode was transcribed by a 3rd party service and so errors can occur throughout the following pages:: Mike:                       Welcome to the Respect Podcast. I'm your host Mike Domitrz from MikeSpeaks.com, where we help organizations of all sizes, educational institutions, and the U.S. military create a culture of respect. And respect is exactly what we discuss on this show, so let's get started. Mike:                       Welcome to this episode, and today we have Dr. Liane Davey, who is a New York Times Best Selling Author, a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review, and the organizational psychology expert for Quartz Magazine. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises on business strategy, executive team effectiveness, and has worked with executives at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, Aviva, TD Bank, and so much more. She has a PhD in Organizational Psychology, and has served as an evaluator for the American Psychological Association's Healthy Workplace Awards. Thank you, Liane, for joining me. Liane:                      Oh, it's great to be here. Nice to meet you, Mike. Mike:                       Well, it's nice to meet you, and have you on the show. Today, we're talking about the role of respect in conflict. To give everybody a little perspective, what expertise do you bring? What do you do when it comes to the topic of conflict? Liane:                      Yeah, so I spend most of my working life helping people have better conflict. A lot of people think that when you work with teams as a team advisor, that you are helping people have less conflict, but I find it's the exact the opposite. That one of the reasons we're so stressed out, one of the reasons we feel disrespected is because we're not very good at having conflict. I actually help people learn how to not avoid conflict, but actually to lean into it. But how to do it in a way that makes people feel respected, that strengthens trust between us, and helps us manage some of the stress associated with the interpersonal relationships. Mike:                       That sounds awesome. How do you describe conflict? How would you define it? Liane:                      Yeah. I think we immediately when we think of conflict, we think of fights and war, and things that are aversive, and things that we want to avoid at all costs. When we think about it in a relationship, we think about it as bullying, or we think about passive aggressiveness, and all of those are very, very unhealthy, and not something I'd ever encourage. Liane:                      But there is this whole side of conflict where people have incompatible, or opposing wishes, or demands, or desires, and they have to work through them. And the problem is if we paint all conflict with the same brush, then we avoid conversations that we need to have. In organizations, we need to have those conversations to be productive. In marriages, we need to have those conversations so that we can stay on the same page. There are a whole bunch of different places where the ability to have what I call productive conflict makes a huge difference. Mike:                       Well, and I think even language is important. You gave a great example there. You said people think of opposing views, right? Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       Well, opposing means opposite. And often views are not opposite. They're differing. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       It doesn't mean because I believe that, and you believe this we're opposite. We just have a differing viewpoint on either the outcome or the means. Somewhere along the lines here that's where the conflict is. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       It's just something is different, right? It's not in alignment. It's not exactly the same. But that language can be important, can't it? To our understanding of conflict. Liane:                      Yeah, absolutely. And how we frame things tends to be how we think about them. If we use the language of opposition, or if we ... It makes us feel more adversarial. If we use different language. I find most of the time our conflict is in a situation where those different needs, or demands are in tension with one another. And being in tension with one another, that's okay. That's normal. That's natural. Liane:                      You have one spouse who likes to be very planned, and very orderly, and make sure everything is working well. And one who likes to be spontaneous. And you know what? Great relationships have some of each, right? And you wouldn't want no tension on the crazy spontaneous person, or the bills would never get paid. But you don't want no tension on the person who is always so carefully and orderly 'cause you'd have no fun. Liane:                      Tension ... And we can talk about tension, and talk about it as a positive thing that helps stretch us, and grow us, as opposed to language of friction. 'Cause friction wears us down, we all know that. Yeah, how you use ... What words you use, and how you use the language frames how you think about conflict. Mike:                       Let's dive right into it. What would be an example that everyone can relate to for the most part, we know not ... There is no one universal. Liane:                      Yeah, yeah. Mike:                       Of this, and then where you can apply the skills you teach to that so we all learn this? Liane:                      Yeah. I often talk about situations where people are arguing about things as if they can't both be true. Maybe one of the famous examples would be ... Was it a Miller Light commercial where they were fighting over whether it was, taste's great, and less filling? Mike:                       Yes. Liane:                      And we get in those kinds of situations all the time, and we end up in this fight. "Taste's great." "No, less filling." Why are we fighting about this? I talk about what I call two truths. If we can in situations where we're just going head-to-head, and acting as though only one thing can be true, if we can instead say, "Okay, if it's true that it tastes great. You think it tastes great. Okay. I think I drink it 'cause it's less filling. Better for my waistline." Those two things can be true at the same time. Liane:                      If you take ... A typical situation that I would run into at organizations would be when you're trying to use budget. Somebody says, "Look, I think every penny we've got needs to go into better advertising, and better marketing." And somebody else might say, "I think that money needs to go into training for our salespeople." And so when you can take the two truths, say, "Okay, for you this is really about more advertising. Increasing the number of calls we get, or the number of people who come into look at our product. Okay, for me this is actually about when the customer calls, I'm not sure we're saying the right things to get their business, so how could we solve for both of those things? How do we make sure we've got lots of calls coming in, and that when the calls come in, we're saying the right things to capture that business." All of a sudden what you've done is instead of framing it as, "Are you kidding me? Spend more on advertising, that's ridiculous!" Where it's gonna feel adversarial. Now you've just framed it as, "Oh, okay, so you think that's important, and I think this is important, how are we gonna solve this?" Liane:                      And problem solving is innately curious. It's a process that you can engage in as allies instead of as adversaries. Little techniques like that, that work in all sorts of common scenarios, where you think that it has to be one or the other, try assuming that both are true. And if you say that right out loud, if the person is expecting you ... Say this guy has been going on about more advertising for ages, and finally this time you say, "Oh, so you think the ticket is advertising." He's probably gonna go, "Huh? Did you ... I've been saying that for years." Mike:                       Yeah, and I love it. And I can see some people thinking even the word you think can be dangerous, right? Liane:                      Yep. It can. Mike:                       If I say to them, "Oh, for you the advertising is critical." Liane:                      Right. Mike:                       That's different then, "Oh, so you think the advertising is critical?" Liane:                      Yep. Mike:                       'Cause that can imply to some people, right? That, "Oh, what do you mean I think it's critical? It is critical. It's not I think. It's critical." Liane:                      Yep. Yeah, you're right. For you, advertising is critical is a much better way of saying it. Mike:                       Okay. Liane:                      Yeah, absolutely. Mike:                       'Cause I was just curious. Oh, I could see people picking that off, and really zoning in on that one word 'cause conflict can do that. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       It can get people focused in the wrong spot. Liane:                      Just let me go back to that one. People ask me about this all the time. They're like, "Oh, I've got to get every word right." You don't have to. You can do what I just did. If you go ... If you say I think, or you think by accident. And the person goes, "I think? I don't just think." Right, if the freakout. Just go, "Oh, I'm so sorry. That totally came out wrong. For you this is really about advertising." Actually, what you do when you mess up does as much to say I'm working hard here to resolve this in a positive way, as if you get it all perfectly. I just don't want your viewers to think if I don't have the perfect words, I better say nothing. If you try it with good intent, and you mess up a bit, just go, "Uh. Sorry. My bad. [inaudible 00:09:17]. Mike:                       Yeah, that's what we teach in any form of intervention. Bystander intervention, you hear somebody say something inappropriate. People are like, "Oh, if I don't say the right thing, then I'm not gonna say anything at all." I'm like, "Say the wrong thing then. You can apologize" ... I mean, don't intentionally say the wrong thing. Liane:                      Right. Mike:                       At least say what you think is right, and if it's wrong you can work with correcting that. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       And so that's what you're describing. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       It shows a genuine care, and sincere wanting to help you. Liane:                      Yes. Mike:                       And that's what we're seeking here. And so that was a great example in the workplace. What's a common one in home life? Let's say between a young couple. Liane:                      Okay, so it's a different technique. A very common one is one person is already home from work, and the other one comes through the door, and goes, "Uh. I had the worst day." And what often happens is that person gets completely dismissed by the other person saying something like, "You think you had a bad day. Wait til you hear about my day." Or just ignoring it all together, "What do you want for dinner?" Right? The number one technique to not trigger conflict is to actually validate the other person. Validating doesn't mean you have to agree with them. "You're right. Your day was the worst day ever in history." You don't have to say that, but you do have to do something that says to them I heard you, and I get it. You don't have to agree with it. Liane:                      But so when somebody comes to the door, and they go, "I had the worst day." "Oh, that sucks. What happened?" Just something that says ... Some eye contact that says I'm paying attention to you, that you matter. Something that says I heard you. Something that says I'm interested in you. And if at the end of that you've let the person tell you for ten minutes about how it was the worst possible day ever in history, then you can say, "Yeah, well, okay, thanks for sharing that. Yeah, my day was no picnic either." And you can add it, as opposed to kind of right off the bat invalidating the person. That's one of the most common things we get wrong in relationships. Liane:                      I get it wrong with my kids sometimes. When my older daughter was younger, she was quite anxious about things, and she'd say, "Mom, the mall is scary." And I would say, "No, it's not." It's a horrible thing to invalidate someone else, and once I realized I was doing it, I could change to, "What makes the mall scary for you?" That's the number one tip is, just start by validating the other person with your eyes, with your body language, by reflecting what they've said. And it's amazing how the whole rest of the evening will go differently when you start that way. Mike:                       Well, and this is at the heart of respect. Liane:                      Yes. Mike:                       When I work with corporations or organizations, and we talk about what respect means to them. Phrases like being seen, being heard is what makes people feel respected. Not things as much as my pay, or my title. But it's to be seen, to be heard, to be appreciated. To walk through the door, and to be validated is to be seen, is to be valued. And now I feel respected, especially coming from a place where I might not have felt respected. Liane:                      Right. Mike:                       This might have been that horrible day because I did not feel respected, and valued in where I came from. Liane:                      Yeah. You want home to be the place where you always feel seen, where you feel valued, where you feel important. It's just such a huge opportunity we have for the people that we care about to just do something that maybe they haven't had for the whole rest of the day, and we blow it way more often than any of us like to admit. Mike:                       Well, and we're human. And so how do we help the person who is bulldozing us be more aware so that they can validate us, they can see that we need validation. How do we start that conversation? 'Cause that's a different form of conflict, right? Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       That's the person of, hey, I'm doing my best to connect to them, and they're just running me over. They're bulldozing me here. Whether it's at home. And I don't mean physically, but it can be just controlling conversations, which can be a form of abuse absolutely, but in the workplace too. How do we approach that person? Liane:                      Yeah, I think what I learned is that in dealing with strength, sometimes it's more compelling to actually respond with sadness. If somebody is sort of bulldozing over you, not listening to you, dominating the conversation, then your feedback ... Always be careful to make your feedback very, very objective. Not to use judgment. If you say, "Look, I had a really rough day, and when I walked in the door here, you didn't give a damn about me." That's fully subjective, and it's quite likely not true. The person probably cares very much about you, and doesn't realize that their behavior is saying something very different. Stick with something very objective, so "I got in the door tonight, and I was really tired, and I told you that, and then you told me about five things that happened during your day. I really just need ... I felt like you didn't want to hear about my day. I felt like you're uninterested, and I really need a place where I can vent for even just five minutes. Can we have a do-over?" Liane:                      It's really important that you give that kind feedback, but I think what we tend to do is, we tend to blame the other person for how we feel. We'll say, "You made me feel insignificant." Well, nobody else can make you feel insignificant. You can say, "You started talking about your day." And then you say, "I felt really insignificant." It's really important that when we give somebody feedback, that we make it very, very objective when we're talking about their behavior, so that there is no room for them to disagree as soon as you say that. If you say, "When I walked in the door, and I shared with you that I had a hard day, and then you started telling me about your day." The person is not gonna be like, "No, I did not." They're gonna be like, "Oh, yeah." Mike:                       Yeah. I love the language that the Landmark Forum teaches about this. And that is to say to someone the story I'm telling myself, right? Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       When you came in and said that, the story I started telling myself was you don't care about me. Liane:                      Right, right. Mike:                       Right? Because that's about my interpretation. Liane:                      Right. Mike:                       It's not ... That doesn't mean that's what you were intending, but here is what occurred when that behavior took place, and it's my interpretation. It allows them to go maybe even like, "Oh, my gosh. That's the last thing I was thinking." Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       Or wanting, or well, then you're overreacting. Okay, well then how did you- Liane:                      What did you intend? Mike:                       It allows for beautiful conversation to potentially come out of that. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       Now what we've been describing so far is validating and being seen, which is a really big part of respect. What would be an example at home that is truly different viewpoints? Because that's not a differing viewpoint example. It's a different kind, which is what you ... Which is great about. What would be like, "I think Johnny should be able to do that in high school. You don't think Johnny should be able to do that in high school." Now it's our children. It's something one of us might think could be dangerous. One of us thinks it's part of growing up, and exploration. Where, there do you apply the skills? What skills do you apply there? Liane:                      Yeah, so you actually just did some of the work in your description. Because usually how it shows up when we're talking about parenting, is it simply shows up as "You're so reckless, there is no way you should be going to the party where the parents aren't home." And it doesn't show up as anything beneath that. The first step is actually just to say what's leading you there? "You think that we should allow Bobby to go to the party at his friend's house, when his parents aren't home. Why is that important to you? How is that important to you?" Liane:                      And then he's gonna tell you that, "I got to do things like that when I was a kid. Those are the nights that I remember most fondly from being a teenager. I think if we don't let him start to have some freedom before we send him off to college, that's he gonna have a blowout in college, and he's not gonna know how to handle things." And then you can say, "Okay, so for you this is about trying to build some independence." And "Okay, here's just the tape that just keeps playing in my head. Is I keep thinking of so-and-so's son who got rushed to hospital, and had to have his stomach pumped. For me I'm worried about safety, and I'm worried about kids that I don't know. Let's talk a little bit about that. Let's talk a little bit about how we can build towards independence. Let's talk about a way how we can do it relatively safe, et cetera, et cetera." Liane:                      And what's something we can do that would be the right answer? Maybe it is to go to that party, but there is an agreement that you're gonna pick him up at 11:00, or whatever. But the problem is we often just stay fighting at that superficial level about I want this, and I want that. And we never talk about our feelings and emotions that are under that, or at that really base level what we value, and what we believe. And if we can get to that level, it tends to be easier to come up with a solution. Because as you're saying these things ... Look, if you're saying that to your kid's father. He's not gonna say, "Oh, I was really hoping he'd end the evening in an ambulance." Right? Mike:                       Right. Liane:                      It's not just gonna be the case. And you're not thinking, "Oh, I really hope I have to move in with him at college because he's not gonna know how to-" Mike:                       There are some people out there that would love to do that. Liane:                      Ah. Mike:                       Yes. Liane:                      My daughter is only two years away from college. I'm like, "No, no. Bye-bye. Bye-bye" Mike:                       I've had four either in or out of college, so completely relate to this conversation. Let's switch it back. Let's switch it back to the corporate organizational, the strength of conflict. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       We didn't really get into that, the strength. I can imagine it helps bring out creativity and new ideas, but why are you a proponent of hey conflict is good? Liane:                      Yeah, so my forthcoming book focuses on an idea I call conflict debt. Organizations are in massive and crippling conflict debt. Because organizations require conflict on an almost daily basis, so choosing a strategy, prioritizing one activity over another, figuring out which group gets budget, who is gonna get a promotion. There is conflict inherent in pretty much everything we do in organizations. But as humans, we're very conflict avoidant, and so we let these hard conversations pile up. We don't solve them. And I always think of that old kids song, We're Going on a Bear Hunt, where they say, "Can't go over it. Can't go under it. Gotta go through it." And I think there are a lot of organizations that are piling up this conflict debt, and the problem is we all pay the interest. Liane:                      The number one source of conflict debt in organizations is failure to prioritize. We just say this is important, and this important, and this is important. And it's every employee in the organization who pays interest on that debt because their workload is too high, they're overwhelmed, they're stressed out. Organizations require this sort of this ongoing ability to work through the hard decisions, and that's why getting good at conflict ... And when I talk about getting good at conflict, we want to be able to make conflict very high frequency, and very low impact. All the time we're just trying on a different perspective, and putting some tension in an idea, or adding something new so that it just becomes normal. It's a habit. And that's where we get to this spot where, then we never even think about conflict because we never have the big emotional, I don't feel hurt or respected kind of conflict, which tends to be ugly and dramatic. Instead, we just have the, oh, I hadn't thought about that. You're right, this is a terrible call, but which one is the optimal call? Liane:                      And if we have this sort of high frequency, but low impact conflict then our organizations, our teams, and us as humans can work with much less stress, much greater trust, better productivity. There is a lot to be said for paying off those conflicts as we go, as opposed to letting them sort of accumulate into conflict debt. Mike:                       Right. And I love the idea that both of these things can be true. It goes back to that. Both of these ideas can be true, which is gonna be the priority right now? We have to make a decision, so what's the priority? Now the problem is, are we never making that one over there the priority? Do they keep being told everything else is a priority? Then I need to address that conflict. Right? Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       That's a form of conflict that I need to address. Like ten times in a row now, our department has been told the other one is more important. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       That's what we're telling ourselves by the actions that are taking place. That's the story we're telling ourselves. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       This is creating conflict because we don't feel valued. And this goes back to what you talked about earlier, and when we feel like somebody is not seeing us, or hearing us, being respected. Liane:                      Yes. Mike:                       And it's the heart of everything we do in this show. Are all the rules the same for helping somebody respect you, that you feel you're not being respected? Liane:                      Yeah. It's very interesting. I'm a psychologist by training, and what's so interesting is we think respect is just this one idea, and it's not. We have very, very, very different versions of respect. I've written a little bit about the psychological differences in respect, and one of the most common ones is that some people perceive respect ... Some people, some individuals, and also some cultures view respect as being very direct. Liane:                      I once had a direct report who had grown up in East Germany, and for a long time I thought she didn't like me, or respect me because every time she came in my office, there was ... She wouldn't talk about anything personal. There was no smalltalk. I was like, "I don't think she likes me." And of course when I finally said, "It doesn't feel easy and natural between us." She told me that of course where she came from, it was disrespectful to waste a boss's time on small talk. She was very direct. That was how she showed me that my time was valuable. And of course I was interpreting it as disrespect. We have people for whom respect is being straight to the point, very direct. And if we sugarcoat something, or obscure it too much, those people get suspicious. They wonder what are we hiding from them, so that's one form of respect. Liane:                      At the same time, we have people for whom respect is about diplomacy, about giving a lot of context for an issue, about thinking about them as a person as we talk about the issue, not just the issue. And this sort of straight to the point to them is blunt, and crass, and disrespectful. And so I love doing work with teams to help them understand that on the very same team one person is defining respect as that straight to the point, and the other defining respect as this more diplomatic version. It's really important that we not think about respect as just one thing. And unfortunately the Golden Rule, and things like that point us in the wrong direction on these sorts of things. Because if we think of respect as one thing, we tend to project that onto others, and it's not legitimate. Mike:                       Absolutely. And I teach organizations all the time, have you asked the people you're leading what respect means to them? And how they are most likely to feel respected? Because that allows you to understand this is that person's respect. This is that person ... 'Cause they could all be different. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       But if I then know it, I can deliver with that, right? Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       I can present with that. I can be present with that. Allows so much more to take place. Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       And Liane, what are books that have had a profound impact on you, along the process of learning conflict and respect? Liane:                      Actually, Never Split the Difference is one of the best ones I've read recently. Chris Voss, so former FBI hostage negotiator. And it's fascinating to see how he can find respect for literally terrorists, and he tells you that if you can't, then you can't effectively negotiate with them. And so taking it to such an extreme case, where he's flown halfway across the world to negotiate with a terrorist who has innocent people in captivity, and he's still thinking about instead of me interpreting something as hate, I need to see that they love something else so profoundly that they're willing to do this. That book really ... First of all, it's got excellent, excellent techniques in it that are very practical for everyone, but it was pushing myself to the point of understanding that you can even stretch respect to a context like that, that seems so impossible. Mike:                       That sounds really powerful. We'll definitely have that ... Liane:                      Yeah. Mike:                       We'll have that link in our show notes for everyone listening. This has been wonderful. And if people want to get a hold of you, you're at Facebook.com/DrLianeDavey. Now key here for anyone listening, Liane is spelled L-I-A-N-E. I have a weird last name, so I get having to spell names correctly. Liane:                      Yeah, and Davey has got an E, so I can get both first and last names wrong. Mike:                       Yeah, so Liane Davey is L-I-A-N-E. Davey is D-A-V-E-Y. Now why that's important because Facebook is /DrLianeDavey. Twitter is LianeDavey. These are all important. We'll have all these links on our website, so people can absolutely find you, and connect with you. Mike:                       And for everyone listening, and watching right now, remember on Facebook we have a discussion group. We have the Respect Podcast discussion group. You can look it up. You can dive into the conversation about today's episode. Things that you really liked, or maybe you have more questions about, or if it was confusing, or your favorite parts. Dive in, share with us, we love that. Liane, thank you so much for joining us. Liane:                      Oh, my pleasure. It's a great conversation. Mike:                       Thank you for joining us for this episode of the Respect Podcast, which was sponsored by the Date Safe Project at DateSafeProject.org. And remember you can always find me at MikeSpeaks.com.  

Liane Davey is a New York Times bestselling author and a frequent contributor to popular publications such as Harvard Business Review and The Atlantic's Quartz. As the Co-founder of 3COze Inc, she works with executives at leading organizations such as SONY PlayStation, TD Bank, and Amazon. Liane has served on the executive of the Canadian Society for Industrial/Organizational Psychology and as an evaluator for the APA Psychologically Healthy Workplace Awards. She is currently a member of the Board of Trustees of the Psychology Foundation.

Do you have conflicts in your small business? Are these conflicts proving to be a hurdle to the growth of your business? In this episode, Matt and Dan speak to Dr Liane Davey about addressing and resolving conflicts in your business. She talks about how most people avoid conflict but that actually, conflict is not only the part of normal relationships it is a critical defense against unhealthy relationships in the in small businesses. Dr. Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author, a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review, and the organizational psychology expert for Quartz magazine. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc, she advises on business strategy and executive team effectiveness with executives at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, TD Bank, and SONY PlayStation. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology and has served as an evaluator for the American Psychological Association’s Healthy Workplace awards. You can connect with Dr Liane through the following website and social media platforms: Website: http://www.3coze.com/ Twitter: @LianeDavey Facebook: Dr Liane Davey LinkedIn: Liane Davey   YouTube: Liane Davey --- Remember to subscribe to the SPRH Podcast on iTunes or on the Podcast Addict App on Android, rate it, and share it with your friends, family, and colleagues! You can find out more about how Dan can help your reduce anxiety issues at www.dancandell.com. Those who are looking out for a speaker and workshops, you can find more details about Matt’s newest programme, Care Package, on how to care for your clients and get more referral clients through care and gratitude at www.breakthrough-champion.com.    

The presidential election is dominating the news and conversations — even if people say they are tired of talking about what feels like an endless campaign. But there is one place that's free of politics: the office. Yeah, right. That's probably what you hope for because who wants to argue with their coworkers? In reality, though, you've probably heard someone talking about the latest debate just before a meeting starts or walked into the break room as people were talking about what's in the latest batch of hacked emails. So if you are just dying to bring up this year's presidential campaign, how do you do it? "I think the most important thing, first of all, is to look for and watch for the signs of people who are interested and willing to exchange in talking about politics," said Liane Davey, co-founder of 3COze Inc which works with corporate teams. "If you start to broach it or someone else broaches it and they drop their eye contact or look at their phone, that’s a good sign that they are not comfortable." Davey spoke to Money Talking host Charlie Herman about some of the dos and don'ts when it comes to talking about politics at work (that's the presidential kind) and provided some specific steps for the Harvard Business Review.