The Talking With Dr. Toy Show

Instead of asking what's wrong with an individual, the question should be asked what happened to you. This is an appropriate question to ask of people in your life who may be energy vampires.  According to Gupta, there are several ways energy vampires interact within relationships including as the constant victim and criticizer. These types of energy vampires may be stuck in loops where they can't move beyond victimizing and negative experiences which informs their identity and their behavior. This shows up in how they relate to others which can be draining and exhausting. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

As Mental Health Awareness month comes to a close, please remember that taking care of your mental health takes place 365 days a year. Awareness of Cup fillers and drainers are vital for maintaining your mental health. One cup drainer to recognize is energy vampires. "Energy vampires are people who sap your emotional energy either intentionally or unconsciously. They could be friends, family members, partners, colleagues, or neighbors who feed on your care and attention and can leave you feeling stressed, drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com  

Filling your cup is not a luxury, it is truly a necessity. You are worthy to take 10 or 15 minutes from your schedule to nourish and take of yourself. You may have received messages that you're not worthy of such care, however, you are and you can make that decision to be intentional about your self-care. Please take some sacred pauses and discover ways to improve your health, preserve your peace, increase your care, and shower yourself with love and compassion. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Mother's Day is a significant reminder of all the work and love mother's have poured into their family, communities, and this nation. For some, today may bring about a range of emotions from happiness, gratefulness, sadness, grief, and even regret. However, you may navigate this day, please make sure you stay connected with your experience and give yourself a cup of grace.  A wonderful way to do that is to ensure you identify what fills and drains your cup. www.talkingwithdrtoycom 

Many counselors speak to individuals about making sure they preserve their energy by encouraging them to fill their cup. Filling one's cup simply means ensuring that their heart, mind, and even soul is nurtured and nourished with things that bring energy and life. Life can either infuse or drain individuals energy and it is important to be aware and attentive of life's cup "fillers and drainers." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Experiencing a constant state of being overwhelmed can adversely affect thoughts, emotions, and physical wellbeing. Although we can't always control external stressors, there are some strategies we can use to more effectively manage how we respond. Investing time by implementing certain strategies may assist in stabilizing mood and decreasing stress which may increase quality and quantity of life. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Resurrection or Easter Sunday is one of the most powerful days of remembrance in Christianity. It acknowledges the horrific tragedy of a crucified savior that ultimately led to one of the most powerful comebacks in history. As some celebrate and remember that sacrifice, there's also a lesson of redemption and power applicable to one's daily life. Although there are some dark moments in life where hopelessness abounds, the story doesn't have to end there. There is a possibility of the darkness giving way to the light of day which is ripe for a resurrection to occur in your life.  www.talkingwithdrtoy.com    

Many have experienced times when being overwhelmed was not only the emotional state of the day, but the week, and possibly months. In light of the current stressors, it is quite normal to be overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed indicates that "individuals' resources or resilience are not equal to the stressors they are experiencing". Signs of being overwhelmed may include low energy, feeling confused, forgetfulness, worry, negative thinking, headaches, stomachaches, and difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com   

Emotional numbness is a freeze response in that an individual's brain shuts down as a protective response to keep them safe when the nervous system is overloaded. Emotional numbness is helpful for awhile, but there may be consequences if it persists long-term. There are several ways to navigate emotional numbness such as mindfulness strategies, body awareness, and engaging the five senses. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Survivor mode has been described as "An informal term to describe when a person is affected by a prolonged stress response." It is a protective mechanism the body employs to protect you from danger (fight/flight/freeze/fawn). There are many characteristics of survival mode such as difficulty focusing, inability to rest, and emotional numbness. Emotional numbness "refers to a state of reduced or absent emotional responsiveness, where a person feels detached from their own emotions and the world around them." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Now that you're anchoring it is time to take it up a level by finding ways to fill your cup. Many are searching for ways to find meaning in this current world where the unknown is very prevalent. One way to cultivate meaning is to take care of your inner world. What are you doing to settle and nurture your inner being? Dr. Bryant mentions taking sacred pauses and that may be the beginning of a journey of exploration of cultivating joy, peace, calmness, and play within your inner being. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Anchoring is a practice that assist with developing psychological flexibility and if there ever was a time to anchor, it surely is now. So many have expressed experiencing worry, anxiety, grief, and fear and do not know what to do to process and manage these emotions. There is not a cure all for what ills society, but there are somethings that may help in navigating some of the turbulence. One such practice is called the Anchoring Heart Technique. This technique includes 3 steps: "1. Anchor your hand(s) firmly and tenderly on your heart & breath deeply. 2. Feel what you are not wanting to feel (even if only for a few seconds. 3. Be curious about the place inside you that is strong enough to hold your pain without fear." Implementing this technique is way to practice "self-compassion during times of anxiousness, stress, and helplessness." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.

Anchoring is a coping strategy to increase psychological flexibility. Anchoring entails a strategy known as ACE. Acknowledge thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, Come back to your body, and Engage in what you're doing. When we think about a ship that is tossed back and forth by the waves and the storms, sometimes, especially during times like these, our lives may resemble these battered ships. However, no matter how high the waves and fierce the storms, anchoring provides steadiness. Anchoring does not prevent or calm the storm, but it can hold you in place until the storm passes. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Ubuntu is an ancient African word that means I am because you are. It embraces the idea that humans cannot exist in isolation. It denotes acknowledging the humanity within ourselves and within others. Robb asks two powerful questions concerning this concept: "What if what you want to be will only come about when you ensure that others get to be that as well? And what if all of humanity was on your team, working toward your good?” I believe these questions capture the meaning and significance of celebrating Black History. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Psychological flexibility is beneficial during times of adversity because when things seem out of control, experiencing, monitoring, and managing our reactions may be challenging but not impossible. It's easy and normal to become overwhelmed in times like these so stay attuned to how your system is responding.  Psychological flexibility entails being mindful and taking care of your well-being which includes but is not limited to accepting and managing difficult emotions, handling setbacks, and finding meaning and purpose in the midst of life's circumstances. Please take care of yourselves, you're the only you we have in this world. We need you so take care and protect your wellbeing. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Let not your heart be trouble maybe a difficult pill to swallow in times like these. Some have expressed experiencing fear and anxiety, while others have opted to avoid or even deny some of the realities taking place in their lives. The question becomes, how do we navigate and manage difficult times, so they do not manage or overwhelm us? According to Goldman, psychological flexibility entails three components: Being present, openness, and acceptance. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Goldman defines psychological flexibility as "staying in the present moment and being open to experiencing whatever thoughts or feelings may arise, and then take action that is aligned with our values." There are many demands placed on individuals' lives and learning ways to navigate such situations can induce stress and anxiety. Psychological flexibility allows individuals to adapt and react to life's changes and transitions in healthy and helpful ways that enhances their well-being. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Happy New Year! Each New Year brings a sense of hope, expectation, dread, fear, and even anxiety. In our efforts to cope with these various emotions, we may create resolutions and intentions as an insurance policy for the upcoming year. We may construct grand intentions often neglecting and negating the small beginnings to obtain our goals. We may adopt the mentality that big is always better and small is insignificant. However, small beginnings can be just as important, valuable, and meaningful. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

"The personal is political." Where you live and how you live is informed by politics. We live in this world and have a responsibility to friends, families, neighbors, and our ancestors. We are not above politics because we're steeped in it. If you've tuned out, please tune back in and do your due diligence to learn about the issues and the candidates. Then take action to ensure that your vote becomes your voice. Then go one step further to ensure someone else takes that same action. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Many may be feeling intense emotions regarding the 2024 election cycle and as a result, anxiety and worry maybe all too consuming. This presents an opportune time to re-emphasize my mini mental health check-in. The mini mental health check-in consists of four simple questions: How am I really doing, What am I experiencing, How am I experiencing it, and What do I need? These simple questions may provide beneficial insight into what's happening in your system and what is needed to assist in optimal functioning during this season. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

In a society where so much misinformation abounds, it's understandable why individuals experience trust issues. Sometimes trust issues may mean the difference between a healthy versus a toxic relationship. Addressing trust issues includes the following: Awareness, honesty, openness, and yes, vulnerability. There are some strategies to assist in this process If individuals are willing to work on and through their issues. Listen, these strategies do not include leaving ourselves open to be taken advantage of, it entails a balanced approach to improving our quality of connecting and living. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Although trust is considered an anchor of interpersonal relationships, many individuals may struggle with trust issues. There are many causes of trust issues and understanding them is the first step to working through them. Subsequent steps are also needed to work through them. According to one article, such strategies include understanding risks and taking emotional risks and comprehending the manifestation of trust issues in individuals' lives. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com  

Trust issues have been defined as uncertainty of who to trust, how to trust, and when to trust. Individuals develop trust issues due to some of their past experiences and as a result, these issues may adversely affect present and future relationships. Trust issues serve as protective strategies to keep individuals safe so the objective is not solely to dismantle them but to understand and manage them. Anticipating and assuming betrayal, loneliness, avoiding commitment, and being constantly on guard are a few signs of trust issues.  www.talkingwithdrtoy.com  

Trust issues have been defined as uncertainty of who to trust, how to trust, and when to trust. Trust is a foundational attribute that can either strengthen or derail a relationship. Many individuals have experienced betrayal, manipulation, and abandonment and as a result, trust has been compromised or simply eroded. How can individuals navigate the landscape of understanding their trust issues and navigating ways to cultivate trust. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

I was speaking with someone and the person said the following, "I don't want anyone to know what I'm going through because I'm embarrassed that I allowed it to happen and I don't want anyone to see my scars." Although we may not utter these exact words, I do believe some of us relate to this experience.  We are ashamed of the formation of scars resulting from living in a fallen world filled with imperfect and wounded people. Instead of feeling whole, we feel broken and fragmented wondering how we will be put back together again. Many of us experience what one writer coined as "uninvited brokenness." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

July has been designated as BIPOC Mental Health Awareness month. The pervasiveness of racism and many other "isms" adversely affect the mental health of this group. Research shows that intergenerational and historical trauma, racial oppression leads to specific mental health needs. However, due to barriers such as health inequities, socio-economic disparities, stigma, and lack of cultural competency by some providers, they often do not receive the assistance needed to address and effectively manage such mental health issues. 

The causes of stagnation are pervasive and the consequences may last for a long period of time. Stagnation has such consequences as cognitive and physical decline, discontent, and a lack of quality interpersonal relationships. The cost of stagnation may far outweigh the discomfort induced by change and trying something new. There are also some strategies to may assist in decreasing stagnation. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Stagnation has been defined as the "state of not flowing or moving, lack of activity, growth, and development as well as a situation in which something stays the same." Generativity vs. Stagnation is one of the stages in Erikson's theory of psychosocial development. This particular stage is connected to finding meaning and purpose in life which may cultivate contentment and gratitude or dissatisfaction and hopelessness.  Stagnation has several causes and consequences. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com       

"Those things we do not deal with will deal with us" is a statement I repeat to individuals engaging in avoidance strategies. Avoidance strategies may bring temporary relief but they also hinder many from learning effective coping strategies. Gradual exposure is one strategy used to confront fearful situations by allowing individuals to start at the least anxiety provoking situation towards the goal of overcoming the feared situation. Empowerment is cultivated by effectively managing situations instead of avoiding them.  www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Avoidance is a short-term coping strategy that induces a cycle of increasing anxiety symptoms rather than reducing them. It is normal to avoid uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, and sensations, but there is a cost. As someone stated, "Short-term gain, but long-term loss." There are certain strategies that inform the avoidance trap such as distraction, denial, projection, and safety behaviors such as withdrawing from people, places, and situations. These tools work which is why they are widely used, but they also serve as a double edge sword for long-term healing and restoration. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Happy Father's day to all those dads that are investing in the lives of their children and families. Today may be a day of joy and celebration for some as well as a day of sadness, anger, and grief for others.  The God within Christianity is often referred to as Father and even Daddy "abba", however, this reference may also trigger a variety of emotions. Some may contrast and compare God with their earthly fathers, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  God has many attributes and one to highlight is that He is relational. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Avoidance may be considered a main ingredient many individuals use when navigating some of life's difficult, uncomfortable, and painful moments. "It's normal to avoid or push away whatever feels intense or uncomfortable" (TherapistAid).  Avoidance does offer some relief which is why many use it as a coping strategy. However, the relief is temporary and it often induces a string of events that may worsen depressive and anxiety symptoms. Let's talk about the Avoidance Trap.  www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

A growth mindset has been defined as a belief that gifts, abilities, talents, and skills can be developed with work, practice, and perseverance. Individuals with a growth mindset view failures as  opportunities instead of obstacles which can help them create and achieve goals as well as fulfillment. Psychologist, Carol Dweck, coined the term and determined that individuals with a growth mindset tend to be more motivated, determined, and resilient versus discouraged, despondent, and stagnant. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

The psychological meaning of a deficit mindset is a type of thinking that focuses on negative self talk. persistent comparison to external standards and a sense of inadequacy. Deficit thinking can also lead to a fixed mindset that cultivates an attitude and belief system of limitations, impossibilities, and that nothing will change no matter the amount of effort. The deficit mindset may inform how individuals view people, themselves, and situations which eventually may lead to a sense of apathy, stagnation, and missed opportunities. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

The past few series regarding imposter syndrome have addressed the what, the why, and the how.  It is now time to begin the process of effectively managing imposter syndrome. Dr. Young states the first step entails honesty which can be a major hurdle to overcome. Honesty is vulnerable but necessary because ignorance and avoidance will not move individuals toward a process of effectively addressing the symptoms. It's difficult to treat something that is not identified so acknowledging it can be very empowering. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

There are many facets involved in seeking to understand the origins of imposter syndrome. Dr. Young states the makings of imposter syndrome may entail family origins and dynamics, personality traits such as neuroticism, low-self efficacy, perfectionism, transitions and new beginnings, and social anxiety. These aspects may inform some core beliefs and values individuals may hold about themselves which fuels imposter syndrome. Shame may also be one of the main culprits that keep individuals from exploring and managing imposter syndrome.  www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

According to Young, imposter syndrome may manifest in several ways such as agonizing over the smallest mistakes, self-doubt, constant self-criticism of one's own performance, and the constant fear of not living up to others or even one's own expectations. The weight and heaviness of this burden may induce symptoms of hypervigilance and a psychological toll on one's quality of life where life is reduced to living to work instead of working to live. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Imposter syndrome has been defined as the "psychological experience of feeling like a fake or phony" where individuals doubt their abilities, skill set, intellect, or creativity to achieve a certain level of success. "Approximately 70 percent of Americans experience these invasive and negative thoughts" which can induce symptoms of anxiety and even depression. Dr. Valerie Young identifies 5 types of imposter syndrome: Perfectionist, expert, natural genius, soloist, and super person. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com   

Showing up authentically in places can be a daunting task especially while living in a culture that promotes comparisons, competition, and imitation. There's a message in the noise that conveys being oneself if not in alignment with society's, community's, and other's expectations; is unacceptable, a deficit, even a liability. Individuals may be encouraged to believe if they can't be everything to others; they are not anything to anyone. This induces wear and tear on individuals' psyche and self-perception. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Resurrection Day is one of the most significant observances within Christianity. One of the most profound anchors is the belief of a Risen Savior. A passage of scripture proclaims that the same resurrection power resides in believers, however at times, seasons of stagnation may seem like a drought.  The droughts may last so long that eventually visions fade and dreams die. May this day be a reminder that those things that lie dormant are ripe for resurrections. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com  

March is designated as Women's history month and it is with great gratitude and appreciation that I honor the women who have imparted so many treasures in my life.  I believe many individuals have encountered the power and presence of women's contributions within their lives. Centering the voices and stories of women can be life giving and sustaining. As a society, it is essential to create safe spaces where these stories are cultivated, valued, and disseminated. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Even in 2024 with so much progress of discussing, explaining, and addressing mental health issues, stigma and lack of understanding remain especially among ethically and diverse populations. It is unfortunate that some populations more than others have the latitude and empathy to discuss and address mental health symptoms. Mental health diagnoses do not define individuals' identities but so many perceive their character is flawed and they are deficient which often induces embarrassment and shame. As a society, much work remains in eradicating this stigma so individuals are liberated to receive the assistance they deserve without feeling guilty or ashamed. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Matters of the heart most certainly include relationships. Community care is an important aspect of self-care and according to relational cultural theory--humans are wired for connection. Socially supportive relationships are good for the heart and overall physical health. However, challenges persist in individuals' capacity and ability to cultivate and nurture healthy relationships due to a number of reasons. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.  

February is Heart Health Awareness Month. Matters of the heart entail the important task of taking care of your heart. The prevalence and disproportionate rates of cardiovascular disease among people of color, particular African Americans presents a tale of health disparities and social determinants of health. Social factors such as money, resources, living environment, and social networks are huge factors in shaping people's health. In fact, "Social factors put Black, Hispanic, and Tribal communities at a disadvantage." Individual and systemic changes are warranted. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Black History Month represents an acknowledgement and celebration of culture and ethnic pride. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, colorism threatens and fragments aspects of identity, self-esteem, personality, and personhood especially for children. Mamie and Kenneth Clark's Black and White doll study provides evidence of internalized racism, shame, and self degradation at the tender age range of 3-7. We must be intentional about positively affirming, truth telling, and cultivating ethnic beauty and pride in our vulnerable children to counter the damaging narrative of erasure. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. 

I received some unfortunate news regarding the recent death of a dear friend. It was unexpected and in my limited perspective, way too soon. Such deaths may bring one closer to their own mortality and existential questions loom regarding what is the meaning of life, does my life count or matter, and how am I showing up to others especially those whom I call friends? Although this is a new year, death continues to loom and we all must reckon with walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Life is indeed precious and if you haven't done so, please consider living, loving, laughing, and authentically connecting a bit more this year. For more information tune in www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Masking emotions such as sadness and hurt, the constant need to stay busy, the appearance of having it all together and being outwardly strong while inwardly struggling to hold it together may indicate some signs of high functioning depression. The subtleties of these symptoms only serve to intensify the motivation for Sistahs to suffer in silence and perpetuate a never ending stream of strength to avoid any appearance of weakness. What's the cost of concealment versus crying for help? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

I was speaking with a Black woman regarding depression and she stated that she felt weak because she was depressed. She stated that she often buries, avoids the feelings, or tells herself that "you don't have time for this and you should be able to get through this and keep it moving without feeling depressed." My questions, what are the origins of this internal dialogue and how in the world do women of color identify sources of healthy and culturally relevant affirmation and validation without attempting to receive that from their oppressors? It is systemic, intersectional, structural, and complex and it is literally draining and compromising the holistic health of women of color.  Our very lives depend on taking care of our well-being. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.  

Happy New Year! A clean slate, a redo, a reset, and a new beginning are associated with a new year. Many were glad to be done with 2023 and are considering the unknowns of this new year. Although there may be little influence with the unknowns; opportunities await with making life giving and life sustaining choices. Self-care, community care, and self-awareness are concepts worth exploring and investing in this year. Remember, you are worth the investment which requires intentionality, time, and energy. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Love and belonging are needs listed in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Love and a sense of belonginess provide a sense of anchoring and connectedness that humanity desperately desires but simultaneously fears. Opening up to love and admitting a desire to belong is vulnerable and scary due to past hurts. Some may deny the need to belong or try to avoid experiencing love but it doesn't mean the need goes away. That heart space just remains starved and malnourished. A passage states that God is Love and that is good news. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Core values are discovered which takes intentionality, reflection, and a nonjudgmental stance. Someone stated, "What you are doing equals to what you want in life." For some this statement holds some truth, for others it may create space for reflection because maybe what you're doing doesn't equal to what you truly want in life. Jeffery identifies several steps to discovering values which include: Discovery, activation, expression, prioritization, and self-care. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.