Video Store Nightmares

Join us down under for this off-beat Australian vampire flick. Kate is supposedly a descendent of Elizabeth Bathory, and consequently in high demand as a mate in some vampire circles. A "modern" cult of aristocrats, who keep human cattle on a large estate for blood farming, kidnap her. They plan to initiate her into the lifestyle, whether she likes it or not.

Despite her recent marriage, Jamie remains obsessed with toys and fixated on her absent father. She strays from married life to become a New York City sex worker, nurturing a fantasy of locating her father and earning his approval. Unfortunately for all involved, she succeeds the only way she knows how. A passion project for stand-up-comedian-turned-writer-director Stanley H. Brassloff, Toys Are Not for Children stands out among 70s pop-psychodramas for its unwillingness to cater to any audience whatsoever. 

In this offbeat vampire film, Duane Jones (Night of the Living Dead) is a college professor studying mythical African cultures, when he is initiated into vampirism against his will. What follows is a strange mix of Christian and occult mythology, with some startling brutality. Only in the 1970s can you find such eloquent intersections of art house and horror. Check it out!

Poor Melvin suffers abuse, mockery, and toxic waste before transforming into the Toxic Avenger and mopping up the streets of Tromaville. Check out the head crushing, arm beating, oven-baking, deep frying, and more, then join us to discuss the film that helped create the Troma we all know today. 

On this episode, we take a break from the record-breaking summer heat to celebrate Christmas in July! Fittingly, we watched this Florida-beach-set abomination from the very distant past of 1972. Santa's reindeer abandon him on the beach, where he summons a group of local kids and their pets to rescue him. While trying to solve the conundrum, Santa tells the kids a fundamentalist version of Thumbelina. 

Join us to discuss the world's "first wheelchair serial killer." At least, that's what the promotion claims. The movie is also semi-famous as the subject of a The People's Court episode involving pictures of Michelle Bauer. Bauer is inexplicably joined by Mary Woronov, Hyapatia Lee, Johnny Legend, and other b-movie talent sinking as low as they can possibly go. That's not necessarily a critique. As one letterbox review says, this is "transgressive garbage cinema" that has to be seen - probably multiple times - to be believed. 

Visit the world of City Lights Home Video with 1987's Epitaph! Poor Amy has to manage a few more problems than an ordinary teenager: a serial-killer mother with an alcohol problem, a missing father, a hapless granny, a new boyfriend, an undercover psychiatrist infiltrating her family, and a murderous painter intent on revenge! 

This time we revisit the work of Jack Hill with our first foray into fantasy - 1982's Sorceress! When a Merlin like figure rescues twin babies from sacrifice by an evil sorcerer, he sets in chain a cosmic series of events. The twins grow up, gain magical powers, and lead a ragtag team to try and conquer the bad guys. Somehow two sky gods show up, but no sorceress. This one's an absolute mess, but it's also a blast. Enjoy!

Poor Terry. His rapes and murders are misunderstood. Only his overbearing, obsessive mother seems to be on his side. Fresh out of prison, he seeks revenge on those who helped put him there. 

While on hiatus, we recorded a series of conversations that were never published. Now that life has calmed down, we plan to edit these conversations for release as VINTAGE episodes, outside of our normal programming. In this episode, we explore the uncharted New Mexico desert, home to many hills with many eyes. This early Wes Craven flick is clearly inspired by the success of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Craven's own Last House on the Left. The titular eyes belong to a family that lives primitively, practicing cannibalism and communicating via walkie-talkies. Watch as a "normal American family" grows increasingly desperate in their fight to survive. Trigger warning: there's a burning, cactus crucifixion. Just in case that's at the root of your trauma.

On this episode, we cover 1984's White Fire, a story of diamond heists, martial arts, mob killings, twincest, and stolen identity. Boris and his twin sister Ingrid work for a diamond mine, but are secretly smuggling diamonds for their adopted father. When Ingrid is murdered, Boris and his love interest plan to steal the mythical White Fire - a huge radioactive diamond capable of burning off faces. Their plan involves a mystical commune of women led by a plastic surgeon.

While on hiatus, we recorded a series of conversations that were never published. Now that life has calmed down, we plan to edit these conversations for release as VINTAGE episodes, outside of our normal programming. in this episode we discuss the sensitive story of five Italian teenagers on a boat in Miami. Unfortunately, in 1994's Plankton, this boat houses a research laboratory stocked with mutant fish. Also known as Creatures from the Abyss, this is a film you have to see to believe. Where else can you see interspecies romance and reproduction bridging land and sea?

And we're back! After an unfortunately long absence, we've finally returned - like ghouls ready to summon a mythical missing link.   On this episode, we cover the 1988 regional Colorado flick - Curse of the Blue Lights. If you're a fan of rubber monster suits, 50s make-out spots, killer scarecrows, creamed corn, zombies, witches, police shootouts, cursed medallions, poltergeist attacks, or undead funerals, then this is for you! That's right, it's a jumbled mess of a film, but we love it anyway.

In this episode, we tackle one of the strangest genre mashups of the 80s - Xtro. You want alien abduction and UFO activity? Check. How about snake egg eating? Check. A woman giving birth to a fully grown man? Check again. As if that wasn't enough, little Toby has developed mind control powers! This is a weird one folks. 

In this episode, we revisit the work of Roberta Findlay (Janie) with 1988's Prime Evil. This one involves a coven of Satanic monks living in 1980s New York! Directed by a grungy porn director! It should - as the kids say - slay. Alas, it doesn't. Tune in to hear why.    

This week, we dive into the blood-soaked world of H.G. Lewis with his especially nonsensical 1970 venture - the Wizard of Gore. Montag conducts horribly gruesome magic "tricks" on stage (although we disagree on what the audience actually sees), only for the victims to die hours later. You don't want to miss one of America's first true gore films!

This week, we discuss a class of 80s horror that - until now - went somehow unseen by Leland. Tune in to hear how he reacts to this tale of Charlie Brewster, his "evil" friend Ed, a young Marcy Darcy, and the immortal Roddy McDowell. Chris Sarandon is immortal too, in the film at least, as the vampire Jerry Dandridge, out to terrify the suburbs.

This week, we discuss the 1981 cult classic - and rare starring role for Clint Howard - Evilspeak! Poor Stanley Coopersmith, a socially awkward orphan, is bullied at a military academy. Bullied, that is, until he uses an early Apple computer to summon Satan and is possessed by the spirit of Esteban!

This week, we dip our toes in the Satanic Panic with this made-for-tv assault against Dungeons and Dragons". Interestingly, it's not the game's alleged connections to the dark arts that we should worry about. Instead, the film focuses on the risks of a mentally-unstable college student (a young Tom Hanks) losing himself in his fictional character. If you're a fan of after-school specials, you might dig this

One of several collaborations between writer-director Greg Lamberson and star Craig Sabin, 1988's Slime City focuses on a derelict apartment building that may or may not be a cover for a coven of regenerating, reincarnated witches who transfer bodies via the consumption of "Himalayan Yoghurt." It's as bonkers as it sounds!

This week, join us as we explore the dregs of cinema once again, with 1974's Walt Davis-helmed Evil Come, Evil Go. Sister Sarah Jane is a travelling, evangelistic street preacher who spreads the message: "God is love, not sex!" To prove her point, she seduces men and murders them mid-coitus. After recruiting a lesbian acolyte, she begins to dream of even bigger plans.

This week, we revisit the work of Fred Olen Ray with 1988's Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers! Jack Chandler is a private investigator hired to track down a runaway teenager (Linnea Quigley). His search leads him to a cult of chainsaw-worshippers led by Gunnar Hansen himself. Let the gore and wisecracks commence!

This week, we enter the Lovecraftian world of Mariano Baino's Dark Waters. This may have been made after the pinnacle of Italian horror, but it's every bit worth your time. Elizabeth travels from London to a desolate Ukrainian island, to find out why her father donated money to a mysterious convent. Turns out, this convent's home to more than one god.

This week, join us for another visit to the convent. This time, we're back in Mexico. Sister Maria becomes tempted, or maybe possessed, by Satan himself. Is she driven mad? Or does her flirtation with Satan corrupt the entire convent? Check out the flick, and this week's episode, to find out!

This week, we kick off our month of nunsploitation, and revisit the work of Bruno Mattei and Claudio Fragasso, with 1981's the Other Hell. A scientifically-minded priest is sent to investigate a series of mysterious deaths at a convent. Could it be a psychopath or Satan himself to blame? Check out the flick and this week's episode, to find out!

This week, we revisit the work of Stephen Sayadian (Rinse Dream ala Cafe Flesh). This pseudo-sequel to 1920's Cabinet of Dr. Caligari focuses on the famous doctor's granddaughter. She's running an asylum of her own, addressing such psychological maladies as nymphomania and cannibalism. Her treatment involves switching brains and personalities amongst her patients. It all takes place in a surreal, German expressionist wasteland. "Chinchilla Chinchilla Chinchilla!"

This week, join us in discussing one of Charles Band's earliest films - Mansion of the Doomed! Like a grindhouse makeover of Eyes Without a Face, this film follows the exploits of a mad doctor obsessed with restoring the eyesight of his blind daughter. Unfortunately, surgery after surgery proves unsuccessful and the eye-less prisoners start building up in the basement. Featuring Video Store Nightmares alumni such as Gloria Graham and Vic Tayback, as well as a young Lance Henriksen! 

This week, join us in watching a private investigator ("Chase") on the tail of a missing lab assistant (read: prostitute) responsible for stealing a resurrection formula suspiciously similar in look and property to that in Re-Animator. This shot-on-video end to director Hugh Gallagher's "Gore Trilogy" is sleazy and silly in equal measure. On this episode: floating black dildos (isn't that enough?).

This week, we visit an obscure 1975 Spanish production, about an orphanage/boarding school secretly lobotomizing teenage girls to send to wealthy men as sex slaves. It sounds sleazy as Hell! Despite its relative tameness, it's still worth it to watch Leonore try to escape the clutches of the evil Dr. Krueger. 

This week, we once again travel to the 1970s for a character exhibition of a troubled girl who uses tarantulas to scare her victims - to death! It all starts when she overhears her mother plotting to murder her father. In response, young Susan unleashes her tarantulas and there's no going back. On this episode: lessons on tarantula anatomy, the problem with incestuous uncles, death from fright, tarantula endangerment, character inconsistencies, bullying, and standards of tarantula burial.

Join us this week as we discuss yet another small town under siege by a mutated animal - cockroaches! The town's sheriff, after casually dropping his girlfriend for his ex, must find a way to destroy the roaches and their monstrous queen. To complicate matters, these roaches mutate into the things they've eaten! 

This week, we watched one of the most beloved book-to-film adaptations of the 80s: 1988's Slugs - the Movie. Toxic waste has mutated the local slug population. They are now carnivorous - with teeth - and hungry for human flesh! It's up to the town's health inspector and a goofy scientist to save the day. On this episode: fishing on a date, vehicular carelessness, bad dog owners, slime trails, the costs of pre-marital sex, reckless sewer explosions, and eyes exploding with worms!

Greetings little mantis-eggs! This week, we watched Eric Marciano's 1990 obscurity - The Age of Insects. A mad scientist takes unsuspecting young men and - using questionable methods - changes their personalities to those of harmless grubs. One such pupa is trapped between his wimp father, his domineering mother, and the mad doctor Benedict. You've definitely never seen one quite like this before, and it's probably the only film we've covered that was exhibited by New York's Museum of Modern Art. On this episode: a fight with a vacuum cleaner, a lot of insect stock footage, oil massages, insect monologues, the virtues of becoming a drone, queen worship, suspicious parents, questions of paternity,  and the future of Beverly's Hose and Lingerie!

This week, we visit the gore-horror-comedy classic - Dead Alive! One of Peter Jackson's early efforts, Dead Alive features buckets more blood than any movie we can think of, before or since! When Lionel's overbearing mother is bitten by the dreaded Sumatran Rat Monkey, a zombie virus is unleashed and Lionel can't keep them tied up in the basement forever. On this episode: the growth in stop-motion effects, offensive native stereotypes, offensive mother stereotypes, offensive monkey stereotypes, tarot readings, protective talismans, zombie procreation, an evil uncle, maternal secrets, and the effects of animal stimulants on zombies!

This week, we go into the gutter - literally - and watch the sequel to 1980's Alligator: 1991's Alligator II - the Mutation! Another alligator is terrorizing a city, while the mayor and a sleazy real estate developer turn a blind eye. It's up to Joseph Bologna and Dee Wallace to save the day. On this episode: an implied election, the importance of alligator origin stories (this movie has none), virtual birthday parties, burnt steak, preposterous romances, oddly placed wrestling matches, severed legs, toxic waste disposal, and a constantly shape-shifting alligator.

This week, we revisit the work of famed exploitation director Jack Hill (Switchblade Sisters) with the queen of blaxploitation pictures - 1973's Coffy! Pam Grier - in her starmaking role - is a nurse with an 11-year old sister on smack, a corrupt politician boyfriend, and a police love-interest. To avenge her sister, Coffy works her way through the criminal underworld, one pimp and drug pusher at a time. On this episode: an exploding head, forced overdose, childhood drug addiction, bad Jamaican accents, lynching by car, murder by hair pin, and a very sexy Pam Grier, armed with a sawed off shotgun and razor blades in her hair!

*I apologize - the initial version of this episode had an audio bug. It's been fixed! Please re-download. This week, we visit the works of Al Adamson, known for his cheap, drive-in fare. A mysterious cult leader dies, then possesses Nurse Sherri, forcing her to avenge his death. Meanwhile, multiple characters search for his body, determined to destroy him and free Sherri from his grasp. On this episode: inter-office romances, wearing business suits in the desert, a three week long resurrection attempt, car chases, a magical charm bracelet, voodoo practicing grandmothers, and condemnation to a 70s insane asylum.

This week, we continue our nurse-themed episodes and return to the world of Nick Millard (Criminally Insane) to discuss Death Nurse and Death Nurse II. Priscilla Alden (Crazy Fat Ethel, herself) plays Edith Mortley, a "nurse" who runs a sort of rehab house with her brother, "Doctor" Gordon Mortley. This duo pretends to lovingly care for the sick, but really puts them through gruesome amateur surgeries and buries them on the hill ("more expensive plots") in the backyard. On this episode: diabolical laughter, steak knives for scalpels, trading alcohol for sex, nosy social workers, Nick Millard's family, flashbacks to other movies, a small couch and lengthy dream sequences, and many many hand held camera zoom-ins.

This week, we go vacationing in the British countryside at 1973's Horror Hospital. Michael Gough plays a wheelchair-bound madman with a diabolical scheme to lobotomize unsuspecting guests into an army of slaves. Jason and Judy must escape with their minds intact. On this episode: transvestite fist fights, non-rape intentions, hairy holidays, slave gymnastics, Bond-villain monologues, interchangeable motorcycle guards, a machete car, beheadings, and getting ahead on the backs of others.

This week, we celebrate Christmas along with a feminist Lilith cult, Clint Howard, and a lot of insects. That's right, we watched part four of the Silent Night Deadly Night Franchise - 1990's Initiation. Poor Kim investigates a case of spontaneous combustion, only to wake up naked and shedding (!) in a butcher shop. Also on this episode: incidental Christmas settings, occult bookstores, half-burnt chalk outlines, 90s girl-boss feminism, Clint Howard, big maggots, dog-sized cockroaches, weird metamorphoses, and attempted child sacrifice! 

This week, on Video Store Nightmares, we revisit the work of Scooter McCrae (Shatter Dead) with his just recently-released sophomore feature - Sixteen Tongues. Ginny is a genetically engineered prostitute-assassin, staying with her hacker girlfriend in a sleazy hotel. There, they encounter Adrian, a corrupt cop who survived a massacre via skin grafted tongues from his sixteen fallen comrades. On this episode: the appeal of gimp masks, haunting by tongue, clitoral eyelids, engineered blood lust, ubiquitous PornHub, ejaculations of blood, and giving new meaning to the term "cyber-surfing".

This week, we visit John Water's favorite Christmas movie: 1980's Christmas Evil. Poor Harry is doomed to a lifetime of fetishizing Christmas after seeing his mom and Santa doing the nasty under his childhood Christmas tree. Adult Harry just doesn't understand why everyone else doesn't have the same Santa-mindset, tallying up good and bad behavior until the big day. That's when Harry takes it upon himself to punish the bad guys. On this episode: uninformed psychoanalysis, Christmas-time interior decorating, romanticized pasts, an unreliable narrator, confused messaging about class solidarity, toys as weapons, forced philanthropy, and a little Christmas magic.

It's a classic for a reason, folks! This week, we discuss the 1984/1987 once-forgotten, now beloved slasher - Blood Rage! We're sure you remember this Thanksgiving (very) Florida story, in which poor Todd is institutionalized due to being framed for murder by his evil twin - Terry. Decades later, Todd escapes and Terry begins a murderous rampage. Meanwhile, their mother (Louise Lasser) downs bottles of wine and hysterically cleans the house. On this episode: severed hands, heads, and torsos, gun safety, drive-in condom sales, Florida apartment complexes, the joys of leftovers, Thanksgiving dinner surprises, and absolutely no cranberry sauce.

This week, we talked about the 1973 flick Warlock Moon, as part of a Thanksgiving marathon. Unfortunately, the recording was lost. Good thing we recorded this episode a few months back and had it to share with you - 1968's Twisted Nerve! When a movie starts by warning viewers that there is no established link between homicidal behavior and "Mongolism", you know you're in for something special. On this episode: mysterious joke buttons, exile to Australia, queer theory, genetics bullshit, strategic shoplifting, scissor and hatchet murders, geographic subterfuge and cougaring the wrong cub.

If you're already nostalgic for Halloween, here's the last of our 2022 Halloween episodes. An ancient curse re-awakens one October to plague the Kelly family. In particular, little Sean Kelly is destined to defeat Mr. Jack the Pumpkin Man before it kills him first, foiling the plans of a long-dead wizard, played by the long-dead John Carradine. Co-starring a showering Linnea Quigley! On this episode: awkwardly spliced pre-existing footage, wooden acting, rubber crucifixes, expert scythe-manship, a Volvo-driving witch, Halloween subterfuge, conservative politics, confusing lore, a spook-garage, and community-theater quality frontier footage!

The Varrow Mission (AKA Teen Alien) may not sound like a Halloween movie, but it totally fits into our October line-up! This low budgeter was acted and staffed mostly by local teenagers, and was made entirely on-location in a small town with an old, haunted mill. A group of high-schoolers decide to use the mill as the setting for their Halloween "spook alley", while a rival group - with the help of a teen alien - tries to derail their plans. On this episode: archetypal drunks, abducted moonshine, fat-shaming "Tiny", dollar store Halloween decorations, turntable disco lights, beyond wooden (petrified?) dialogue, shape-shifting/gender bending, teenage hijinks, and yet another department of incompetent law enforcement!

For our second movie of October, we discuss one of television's darkest (and most wonderful) creations: 1981's Dark Night of the Scarecrow. When four men in a small rural community suspect their mentally disabled neighbor of killing a young girl, they execute him. The innocent Bubba returns to life as a scarecrow, hunting down his murderers and avenging his death. On this episode: badass mothers, a very dirty postal uniform, scarecrow faces, the preferability of death by various farm instruments, a Halloween party, pumpkin patches, kids in costumes, and the shame of boarding houses. And remember: Bubba didn't do it!

This October, we're covering four movies that take place during Halloween. First up, 12-year old Jamie celebrates Halloween by pushing a bully and his girlfriend into a pit of Trolalogs. When he's not sacrificing the "nasty" people in the town to prehistoric monsters, Jamie is snapping nude photos of unsuspecting women, looking up their skirts, coercing them into baths, and otherwise acting like a fucking creep. On this episode: an evil Teddy bear, nude photography theft, bike sabotage, blackboard lessons, monster munching, cohabitating snakes and frogs, absent parents, and a pit full of Trolalogs!

To celebrate our sixtieth episode, and welcome in this year's Halloween season, we count down our top 6 best and worst movies that we've covered on the show. We had a lot of common ground but also some major differences and surprises. Join us as we recollect, reflect, and reconsider our previous 59 Video Store Nightmares!

This week, we revisit the world of Empire Pictures with the 1986 urban reincarnation flick - Necropolis! When a smoking hot biker-babe (LeAnne Baker) - straight out of the 17th Century - visits 1980s New York, it's up to a drug counselor/reverend, an NPR reporter, and a cop to defeat her. Will they succeed, or will the powers of mind control and ecto-lactation win control of the Necropolis? On this episode: multiple gratuitous dance sequences, New York accents in 1600s "New Amsterdam", placebo-withdrawals, prostitute turf-wars, a sassy medical examiner, the multi-life longevity of neck trauma, the Devil's ring, breast-feeding zombies, and spontaneous boob replication!

This week, we're getting down in the gutter, or - more precisely - the sewer beneath a 1970s ramshackle combination brothel-abortion clinic. When a nameless girl's boyfriend tricks her into an abortion, the fetus emerges from the toxic sludge of the sewer to wreak havoc on the varied patrons of Big Mama's place. On this episode: multi-use coat-hangers, Lionel Richie, the blurry line between pro- and anti-abortion film, weaponized umbilical cords, multiple toilet murders, asshole protagonists, stereotyped sex workers, and far too much critical theory.