Getting Real About Sex Addiction

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A discussion forum about matters relating to sex addiction from the point of view of psychoanalysis

Graeme Daniels


    • May 23, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • monthly NEW EPISODES
    • 40m AVG DURATION
    • 90 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Getting Real About Sex Addiction

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction (bonus): Training and personality disorder, addiction, and...do I just hit pillows?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2025 48:05


    Psychoanalyst Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, a Bloomsbury/Rowman & Littlefield publication, discusses the fraught cottage industry of personality disorder and addiction treatment training, lambasting in particular certificate programs that are reductive of complex phenomena

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction (bonus episode): That trial's been delayed again!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2025 35:39


    Psychoanalyst Graeme Daniels, lead author of the book Getting Real About Sex Addiction (published by Rowman & Littlefield), excoriates the California Superior Court, which has once again delayed its trial of AB 1775, a 2015 law that amended now forty five year old child abuse laws to oblige psychotherapists to violate the confidentiality of patients who report viewing sexual material that depicts minors. Daniels paraphrases the case brief from the case plaintiffs that lays out the reasons this law should be ruled unconstitutional and overturned. The state is procrastinating!Wedding Wednesday PodWe're spilling ALL the tea on wedding drama, horror stories & the craziness of planning! Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (21): Fecal missiles, Mother Earth, and God's warm hug

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 9, 2025 57:32


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, a Rowman & Littlefield/Bloomsbury publication, talks psychoanalysis, masculine ego, psychosis and addiction, with Portuguese psychologist Pedro Job, relating these subjects to the film and play, Dr. Strangelove. 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (20): The problem of mandated treatment, or none at all

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 29, 2025 30:00


    In this follow-up to his discussion with AB1775 plaintiff Don Mathews, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, a Rowman & Littlefield publication, speaks of laws that inhibit proper use of mental treatment, the implications for mandated treatment episodes, plus the problem of people being deterred from proper treatment altogether.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4(19): Child abuse reporting law finally gets its court date

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 13, 2025 52:43


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, interviews Don Mathews, plaintiff in the forthcoming case against the state of California and a 2015 law originally named Assembly Bill 1775. This case, a decade in the making, is about privacy rights and psychotherapy versus the state's efforts to police child pornography

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (18): Who's the patient and what's the story?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 2, 2025 45:01


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, reads an email from a disgruntled impacted partner about responses to Esther Perel's State of Affairs. From this, Daniels discusses the problem of integrating perspectives amid a treatment culture that fosters taking sides. 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (17): Splits

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 22, 2024 36:41


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, discusses factions within the fields of sex addiction/infidelity treatment: the factions that purport to represent acting out or addicted individuals or their impacted partners. A typical scenario explored from two sides illustrates ideological biases and tacit rules.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (16): Control behavior, not feeling, and don't try to converse with a tick

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 16, 2024 28:21


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, discusses the problem of being a neurotic--not controlling how you feel--which underlies many addictions, which is about not controlling behavior. He also discusses in the spirit of the season the celebrated loners of yuletide literature, and cautions that guilt as an intervention works much more in Hollywood than it does anywhere else

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (15): Where am I going with that?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2024 33:11


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, talks about the vagaries of sex addiction or infidelity treatment--its flawed premises and biases--particularly with respect to treatment efficacy, and offers an anecdotal vignette as to how a psychoanalytic treatment  might explore the mind of an addict in treatment. 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (14): Integrity disorder (part two)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 17, 2024 30:52


    part two of Graeme Daniels' excoriation of contrived labeling in the field of sex addiction treatment.Mr. Pick Me & The ManhaterHosted by Chesko (Mr. Pick Me) and Regan (The Manhater). Join us as we laugh (so as...Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4(13): Integrity disorder

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2024 30:36


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, discusses the language of mental health disorders, distinguishing for the listener categories that are prominent in social media but not standardized conditions as determined by the American Psychiatric Association or the World Health Organization, or peer-reviewed in professional literature.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (12): Born Small, Addicted to Guilt (part two)

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 28, 2024 49:47


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, reads part two of his analytic paper, "Born Small, Addicted to Guilt", presenting the case of Mr. D, illustrating the concept of repetition compulsion as it relates to self-punishing/pleasure-seeking behaviors of addiction, plus the displacement of guilt via patient/addict and--equally importantly--treatment provider-induced displacements of shame onto overwrought expressions of guilt.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (11): Born Small, Addicted to Guilt (part one)

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 15, 2024 35:49


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, offers a preview of his academic paper, "Born Small, Addicted to Guilt", about psychoanalytic treatment of addiction, ahead of his public presentation at the San Francisco Center for Psychoanalysis.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (10): The unconscious of the Wolf Man

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 1, 2024 34:36


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of the book, Getting Real About Sex Addiction, continues a discussion of the unconscious, venturing into a famous dream of a patient of Sigmund Freud's, dubbed "Wolf Man". The interpretation of his famous dream reveals (and represses) elements of aggression, fears of death, of castration anxiety relating to Oedipal wishes and a memory of a "primal scene". 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (9): Deconstructing the sex positive

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 17, 2024 28:19


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, discusses the implications, the subtext, and the truer meanings within the increasingly popular sex positive therapy movement.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (8): The Unconscious

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 3, 2024 34:29


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, talks in historical and Freudian terms about the unconscious as a centerpiece of a psychoanalytic approach to the treatment of somatic symptoms, inhibition, guilt, and loss. 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (7): A further reflection on women's infidelity

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 20, 2024 35:02


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, published by Rowman & Littlefield, reflects upon the recent guest appearance of Michelle Langley on the podcast, and considers further her opinions about female sexuality and the myths that society attaches both to women's infidelity and domestic violence.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (6): A discussion about women's infidelity with author Michelle Langley

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 6, 2024 48:32


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, welcomes guest Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity: Living in Limbo: What women really mean when they say "I'm not happy", to discuss myths that men and society have about women's sexuality, and debunk the idea that women are less inclined towards infidelity than men

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (5): the paradox of marked distress

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 9, 2024 35:43


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, discusses the World Health Organization's category of compulsive sexual behavior disorder (CSBD), focusing upon its ambiguous and complicated "marked distress" criteria for diagnosis

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (4): Empathy, validation, and projective identification

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2024 36:53


    A mouthful of jargon? No, argues Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction. This episode presents common scenarios culled from dialogues between so-called sex addicts and their impacted or betrayed partners, and asks, what does it mean to be empathetic? to "validate" ? how does a feeling denied get communicated to another?There Are No Gays In MontanaComing out can be hard, especially in rural America. There Are No Gays In Montana is...Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (3): Jails, Institutions, death, and hurt feelings

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 18, 2024 30:13


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, discusses the emotional impact of problem sexual behaviors, both for PSBs and their impacted partners, and features a case illustration of a group discussing whether to reveal porn use to an impacted partner

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (2): religious bias with a progressive nod

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 10, 2024 45:50


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, riffs on numerous ideas previously addressed in this podcast series: where analytic perspectives on addiction fit in with the sex addiction field; the ethical/moral biases of practitioners, and how those biases play out among gender divides

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S4 (1): A positive review of the book!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 3, 2024 42:17


    Opening podcast of season, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, outlines topics that will be addressed on upcoming podcasts, including the re-framing of "the problem"; he then discusses a positive review of his and Joe Farley's book by Kirkus magazine, examining reviewers' comments in detail. 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (25): Shame

    Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2024 38:36


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, psychoanalytic psychotherapist and lead-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, contemplates the pros and cons of the sex addiction label from the point of view of the would-be addict and the impact partner, and then speaks of the intertwining of guilt and shame, in which false guilt, as perpetuated by sex addiction treatment models, often obscure attention to underlying shame

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (24): female sex addiction/women's infidelity (part two)

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 23, 2024 33:42


    Part two of this discussion, Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, offers some case illustrative descriptions culled from his work with female sex addicts/problem sexual behaviors--compares/contrasts with profiles exhibited by male patients--again referencing the writing of Michelle Langley

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (23): female sex addiction/women's infidelity

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 23, 2024 34:43


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, discusses female sex addiction and women's infidelity, profiling the provocative insights of Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity: Living in Limbo, and highlighting that book's compatibility with psychoanalytic theory

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (22): Short term treatment versus the in-depth long term

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 15, 2024 33:32


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, revisits the chestnut meta debate that exists between proponents of short term treatment options versus those, like Graeme, who advocate for a longer term commitment to in-depth treatment--as "triggered", by marketing tactics used by treatment programs.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (21): sexual integrity

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 7, 2024 47:26


    Graeme Daniels, lead author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, welcomes therapist Eddie Capparucci as a guest to the podcast to discuss sex addiction and/or sexual compulsivity, plus the matter of how psychotherapy imparts, facilitates exploration of sexual mores, or imposes a society's values upon those who seek mental health treatment.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (20): instinct and personality, nature and nurture

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 16, 2024 29:41


    Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, riffs on ideas of instinct, personality development, Freudian theory, the rigidity of defenses, and relates these ideas to what happens when people seek help for their problems yet impulses still emerge

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (19): That child abuse reporting law is going to trial!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 6, 2024 50:10


    Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, invites therapist and sex addiction expert Don Mathews back to the podcast to discuss a controversial, now nine year old California law about reporting use of underage porn that has moved through supreme and appellate courts and is now about to get its due in an LA superior courtroom. Don is an expert witness in the trial. 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (18): Psychodynamics, sexual compulsivity and positive psychology

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 21, 2024 47:53


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, welcomes therapist Andrew Suuskind as a guest to discuss sexual compulsivity, the pathologizing of sex, psychodynamic underpinnings to problem sexual behavior, plus the fostering of emotional resilience and the embracing of imperfection.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (17): The splits of Madonna-Whore and Saint-Brute

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2024 31:46


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, discusses again the psychic defense of splitting in the context of one famously understood "split", Freud's Madonna Whore complex, and a lesser known female-to-male splitting analogy, the Saint-Brute.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (16): All (or most) of what I have to say about SA

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 2, 2024 52:51


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, improvises a version of his recent webinar for the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), about all things to do with psychoanalysis and sex addiction

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (15): the illusion of action

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 19, 2024 34:16


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, contemplates the presence, the pedigree, the value (or not) of the phrase "actions speak louder than words" in modern culture, and what psychoanalysis, the business world, and the law, have to say, in actions and words, about this principle.A Queen's Opinion PodcastA Queen's Opinion is a podcast that allows people, especially women, to think aloud.Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (14): addiction as pleasure-seeking, shame avoidance

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 5, 2024 32:26


    Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, discusses addiction from a psychoanalytic and 12-step perspective, speaking of the importance of consciousness as a precursor to honesty; the problem that addicts often don't know what they're feeling because their defenses are so embedded.A Queen's Opinion PodcastA Queen's Opinion is a podcast that allows people, especially women, to think aloud.Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (13): on individual treatment versus couples therapy

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 20, 2023 31:23


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels draws from a vignette from the book Getting Real About Sex Addiction, to discuss the relative merits of individual therapy or psychoanalysis versus couples therapy in the context of sex addiction or infidelity recovery treatment.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (12): Three therapists talk about sex addiction treatment

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 12, 2023 41:04


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, welcomes to the podcast two first time guests, therapists Jen Shelby and John Kravitz, to discuss their affiliation, work with sex addicts and impacted partners of sex addiction. 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (11): a review of "US"

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 29, 2023 34:13


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, reviews Terrence Real's 2022 book, "US", observing its relational life therapy model, which utilizes ideas grounded in psychoanalytic theory as well as modern neurobiology. Daniels further comments upon the book's application to couples therapy.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (10): The Heart of Addiction (a review)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2023 49:13


    Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, reviews the book The Heart of Addiction by Lance Dodes, M.D., and focuses upon its thesis: that "true" addictions have a psychological underpinning that entails unconscious defenses against infantile states of rage and helplessness

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (9): addiction treatment as a team approach

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 31, 2023 38:34


    The pros and cons of working in a team: Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, discusses the history/trend of treating addictions with a so-called team approach, highlighting the reasons that collaborative models are popular and worthwhile, exposing what is problematic pertaining to patient-clinician confidentiality

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (8): Exposure, shame, and Axolotls

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 18, 2023 54:08


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels and Joe Farley, authors of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, tell anecdotes about feeling exposed, shameful, under pressure, yet working through tough moments with a sense of dignity and resilience. The questions are: how do people cope with their most primitive insecurities? Who are we in such moments, and what can we summon from inside, our reptilian brains or our higher selves?

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (7): A case of impacted partner treatment revisited

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 6, 2023 44:27


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, revisits intersectional issues, socio-political undercurrents that influence/infiltrate the therapeutic space of sex addiction treatment, and then applies these ideas to the case of an impacted partner previously spoken of in this series and profiled more comprehensively in the book.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (6): What we have to say about SA (part two)

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 22, 2023 56:16


    Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, follows-up on matters of guilt, shame, the phenomena of repetition compulsion, defenses like displacement, with a discourse on how these ideas relate to female sex addiction and the treatment of impacted or betrayed partners. 

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (5): What we have to say about SA (part one)

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 8, 2023 68:11


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, reviews some basics regarding SA treatment: SA as a diagnostic matter, the marginal yet influential role of psychoanalysis; extending from that, this episode reviews the significance of symptom-formation, displacement, acting out, and repetition compulsion, as important theoretical concepts that inform treatment approaches both within psychoanalysis and outside of its professional circles.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (4): Perversion, part two

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2023 33:22


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, previews his and Joe Farley's forthcoming webinar presentation at the annual conference of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (whew-got that out!) with a second rumination on the subject of perversion with a nod towards Freudian and Kleinian psychoanalysis. Oh, and robots!

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (3): Perversion

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 11, 2023 40:40


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, talks about perversion from a psychoanalytic perspective, not a religious or moralistic one, and relates the subject to sex addiction treatment, plus concepts of voyeurism, fetishism, and masochism.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (2): The Shadow of Esther Perel (part two)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 29, 2023 39:41


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, addresses use of full disclosure exercises and polygraph examiners in sex addiction treatment, and follows-up upon a recent podcast about the views of Belgian therapist Esther Perel relating to infidelity and sexual mores in the 21st century

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S3 (1): Talking about Countertransference with sex addicts and their impacted partners

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 17, 2023 60:18


    In this first episode of season 3, Graeme Daniels and Joe Farley, co-authors of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, speak about the psychoanalytic concept of countertransference as a crucial aspect of treatment: the clinicians thoughts and feelings, drawn from the past, that transfer onto therapeutic relationships. An overview of theory and case illustration.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S2 (21): Talking about Psychoanalysis

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 21, 2023 38:22


    No laugh track, applause, or gimmick sound effect on this one: two guys, Graeme Daniels, co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, and Pedro Job, clinical psychologist from Lisbon, Portugal, have an impromptu conversation about important concepts in psychoanalysis: projection, projective identification; about getting lost or else figuring out who we are, in relationship to others and ourselves, in any given moment.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S2 (20) The Shadow of Esther Perel

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 14, 2023 30:54


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, psychoanalytic psychotherapist and co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, shares from his essay entitled "The Shadow of Esther Perel" which reviews the Belgian therapist's 2017 book, State of Affairs: rethinking infidelity, and links his commentary to psychoanalytic principles and in particular, the current state of sex addiction treatment.

    Getting Real About Sex Addiction S2 (19): the psychic defense of projection

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 7, 2023 45:59


    In this episode, Graeme Daniels, psychoanalytic psychotherapist and co-author of Getting Real About Sex Addiction, welcomes clinical psychologist Pedro Job as a guest from Portugal to discuss the psychic defenses of projection and projective identification: what is projecting into versus projecting onto, and how does this apply to the workings of addictive thinking. 

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