Turi Ryder's "She Said What?" Podcast

The Marauding Cattle of Marci Persky Road. Who stole the cattle guard [hint: meth involved]? When your addict friend has a deeply held paranoid theory, or, how to put a meth addict to work.  When family planning goes awry.  

Sometimes, a TV commercial takes you to places you've never been—and makes you wish it hadn't.  

Sooner or later, all your unpleasant habits and bad deeds will be known. And we probably did them first. There will be blood—all colors—and other bodily fluids. Goatless.  

If you don't know which you are, your family will find out….after you die. Marci's mariachi marathon in Mexico.

Things to throw out before you die. Disposing of a marital enhancement. Some people cannot be given financial advice. Does this dog-discouraging spray really taste as bad as it claims (there's only one way to find out.)    

Marci is refusing to learn new technology. It will make a fine epitaph. Resurrection of the Dire Wolf, and Marci's childhood. Turi's various categories of hokum.

When the equipment that's made for old people—is for you. The “dumb phone” solution. Should you warn someone who is about to see a crappy play/movie/concert. Can you date someone when you hate their taste? When “The Song Remains the Same”….and that song…is “Cherry Cherry.” Marci has joined an online community of bots. Working out for a “donut marathon.”

Marci's Only Fans new computer challenge.  Marci's Law bad day. Pizza that's too fancy, cake on the floor, and deceptive frosting practices.

Are there really nice people? Prove it. Romper Room and DEI. Fear of puppets and masks. Alarmed by children's' TV. The dangers of small household items. Fun with filth. The usual parts of life…with some novelty cucumbers. Celebrate spring at the dump. How to get out of being over-volunteered.   

Computer, or cat toy? Marci is planning a birthday escape to Mexico…which last time didn't go so well.  Are “trad wives” really that traditional? “Mission Impossible” meets “Leave it to Beaver.” Diseases you learn about from drug ads. Here. Wear this apron.

Why not “Do your own research” and finds their own “Alternative Facts” weather when the road is closed down? A BIG helping of not-good decision making, with a serving of wishful thinking to follow. Your medical history, on a four inch screen. Marci gets a craving.

Dog training—an Israeli Army approach. How Turi would respond to training…if she were a dog. No crying in your spilled crypto—a news account reinterpreted. Marci worries about the stock market, and makes a decision. Beta-tested babies: the next generation.

A blizzard means semi trucks are strewn across Arizona's highways, but Marci is safe in her own bathroom…unless anyone else is there. Why would someone run up and down the aisle of an airplane with no clothes on? Where to pee: a tough decision.

When the British Royals decide to junk a (literally) bloody tradition, it give you hope. The DC firings—in inimitable the words of Tina Turner, “We can do this nice and easy….or we can do this nice and rough.” That college you or your kids didn't get into? You can feel better about it now. Bringing out your inner snob

Feeding your husband dog food for dinner…or is it the other way around?  Whoops—did you leave that open? The house sitter attempts a new task. Water everywhere, and the telltale spot.    

“Information Addicts Anonymous” is something you may want to join.  When you send out a little more “news” than you had planned. Paranoia in the pressroom. Unweighted blankets as romantic deterrents.

Gated communities and “The Sovereigns” of rural Arizona. The post office makes an admission, and accomplishes…nothing. Customer service can only get you so far.  Who is the more effective complainer. The “Wife Line”, and an explanation of the unrequested D--- Pic.

When is a microphone like a blind dog? Non-partisan political content that's mostly schadenfreude. When somebody (erroneously) imagines you are their date. Also, how to figure out that you are on a date. What happens when the stereotype disappears? 

Ear pods may end, or save, your marriage. When you go on vacation, you learn a few things about your partner—like which one of you needs to argue with the navigation app. Marci's dog brings back a trophy.

Turi picks the wrong thing to read. Nobody is sleeping. Small accomplishments. When you need subtitles even though the movie is in English. The wrong underwear, and when not to wear it. When do you wear the RIGHT underwear.

Marci refuses to ask for help, and gets covered with toxic toner. Computer printers are not for kids…say the kids. The thing you should have sold that on E-bay. Turi discovers she has a house full of poison, but is it as dangerous as what Marci found in her bathroom?  

The last (we hope) of the puking puppy chronicles. Lambchop the puppet. You will know you are losing your mind by checking out your pantry. Adventures in mailing stuff. The Screen Actors Guild Awards, reviewing the reviewing.

It would be great if we could class up the podcast this week…but unfortunately, we are mostly worried (still) about puking pets, freezing family, and how you get a snow plow on the interstate going 60 miles an hour.

A new feature for the last, ageing chicken in the flock. Marci considers a “divide and conquer” strategy in the Goat vs Dog dilemma. Turi puts the Small Cutie on a hiatus. Yes, you can be sick of your own kid. Teething baby upgrade.  

Marci does not want to admit where the puppy—the one her husband was not enthusiastic about getting in the first place, has chosen to eject his mix of chicken and tumbleweed. Yes. Tumbleweed. There's also been an incident of cat smuggling.

Strange attire for six below, and it's even stranger at a cemetery. Romance and date night…for the young. High heels on ice. The mystery of the missing Detroit Lions jacket. Take this furnace and get the heck out. Mink Schmink.  

 Losing your inner editor, or “no, I won't indemnify you.” Spilling the tea, or “who would I tell” is a very bad idea. What “date night” means when you live on an Arizona mountain in the middle of nowhere. That piece of paper you could have put on your phone, but didn't.   

Turi's takeaway from watching the “Golden Globes”: who lets people go out of the house wearing a traffic cone? Her husband would. So would Marci's. Important lesson: If it has spaghetti sauce stains on it, it's NOT new. The dumbest repeating marital arguments, and how to keep them going.  A new rule for eating old food.

How long does it take to chip ice off one entire minivan? Marci's new heater is missing its owners' manual. A trip back to the pot-fueled 70's, courtesy of the junk drawer. What not to drive to a funeral.

Marci remembers with loathing the standard end-of-the-year newsroom assignment. The list of people who died can prove useful. Free AstroTurf, and other social media amusements. The REAL danger of bootleg streaming services is not what you think.

Marci throws some parts away.  Turi learns the source of “them apples”, as well as a name for a part she wished she'd never heard of.

It would be great if you got an injury from a non-embarrassing accident, but how often does THAT happen? If you're going to commit to your argument, it helps if you don't find out later that you were absolutely wrong. Look! Up in that lifted truck—it's….a goat. Is that candy, or are you trying to kill someone?

Why DOES Marci make so many trips to the vet? And the boulders she runs over on the way. Leaving your pet to someone as an inheritance.  Stolen catalytic converters--bad for your marriage. 3 hours at open mic comedy night with your aspiring comedian (in twenty seconds).

How is your home insurance like a virtual girlfriend? Depends where you live. Marci's S—storm of Awesomeness Ranch has some problems in the animal husbandry department. Can social media save the day? Can it ever?

The spousal unit is outside canning peppers…because they are a death risk.  Marci thought she had a baby and puppy management technique. She is having only 50% success.  Movies the scarred your kids for life. The proselytizers who knock on your door: Management techniques and the political upside to solicitors. How EBay and YouTube save you from dementia.

Marci has found the ultimate Karen, but Turi has found a source of endless Karens. The kid has a new job, and the face piercings have to go. The hazards of facial jewelry. 

Turi is having a bad day, and now, so is the guy blocking her garage. Marci is working hard at getting the new puppy not to eat…goat poop. Her daughter is about to start a new gig, but is anything real until it happens? Old school radio names: how many Steve St.Jameses can there be?

What does it take for a professional actor to say “I'd like to do this scene with my clothes on.” The puppy gets a name…a tribute to “The Worst [Frank Sinatra] Movie EVER”, according to Marci. A chicken walks into a veterinarian's office... PS This podcast is rated "explicit" because Turi says "A--" in it more than once. 

Marci's puppy is “mostly” housebroken. Marital discord lesson #764: When to say “OK”. Does it mean you heard someone, or does it mean you're ignoring someone. Some people (one of us) like time away from their spouses How to train your puppy not to eat goat poop (and why Marci needs to).

In the life of every person raising a baby (or a puppy) there's that moment of decision: “Do I allow it to sleep with me?” A new puppy. Post-election friendship sorting, with added vocabulary. Turi may end up living under a viaduct. Marci will not.  A marriage-saving idea (better than separate bathrooms!)  Recalculating…your life.  

Zoom is making sure we really ARE working. Marci is “winterizing” high on the mountain. The goats are not amused. Bad omens. A news source (Blockclub) in Chicago investigates a wave of murders…of squirrels. An ingredient list nobody should read.  

Your perpetual complaint is noted. The things that are wrong with whatever you've bought or borrowed, that you only discover...later.  Turi rebels against environmentally responsible products, in a chemical way. How many peanut M&Ms are in the “fun size”? Not enough.

Marci is working her way through bargain-priced Haloween candy. But Turi is working on  Election 2024 Getting out the Vote, AND protecting lawn signs at peril of her life, or her sanity. It's our once-in-a-lifetime Election Special. Be civil.

Turi volunteers to “Get Out The Vote”. She would have preferred to “Get out of the car.” When you try not to be a super controlling person…and then give up. “What does it taste like?” and other annoying questions.

Marci prepares for surgery, and her greatest fear is what she'll say while she's “under”. Exotic pets, large smelly salamanders, and vicious insects. The rats of Chicago—a memory that refuses to die. The hypocrisy of the bedroom closet.

What to say when someone asks you for your opinion….but doesn't really want it. Chicago rats vs New York Rats, and the places you can find (or avoid) them. Turi has a friend who may win a grudge-holding contest, if they ever hold one.

  Extreme Arizona snow, fire, and marauding animials. The dangerous chair and the dislocated breast. Medical nightmare—the real kind. Things you used to think you had a lifetime supply of…and now you don't.  How to break your foot while saving the environment.  

Sports regalia: how soon is too soon to stuff you baby into it? Turi tries to "Get out the Vote" during the football game. Filthy bumper stickers, and the people who affix them to their trucks. Backyard camping--did you forget something? What to do with the toilet paper.

Marci takes a new pet to the vet, and ends up in a passel of French tourists. Turi has a bad feeling about the French. Sounds (not the usual ones) of the bathroom, and odd toilet seats we have known. The customer service "stand your ground " principle.  

The spouse and his business partner. Marci hits the deck—literally—thanks to the dog. Compulsive hostessing. Sick of your leftovers. Tarantulas are on the march in Arizona.  World's stupidest news story (thanks, “Block Club Chicago” for the winner)—it's all about bats. Where are the editors when you need them?

Sneaking into places only old people are allowed to go. More about bossy friends. Door décor and dusty candy. Decoy treats.  The curse of fruit salad.