Podcasts about relationship episode

► Get Access To Our Courses & Community: https://understandable.net/join/ (Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad) Do you know this one truth about complex childhood trauma? “What happened - was not your fault.” We all know this rationally, but we don't feel this emotionally. Instead, we have all these weird symptoms that make us dysfunction in our daily lives. Often we can't even explain them and feel at the mercy of our own body. This feels absolutely frustrating. In order to resolve these symptoms, you have to understand them first. This is what we do today: We go through 10 common symptoms of complex trauma from childhood. I will explain each of them and then give you relatable examples. And in the end, I will also offer you solutions to the symptoms. ► Links and Resources: Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx Dissociation Episode: https://youtu.be/UZsTUS_jlYg?si=PQseKTWKdXzoeEBS Fear of Commitment Episode: https://youtu.be/Xf1iuvoO0lM?si=IiPdyWWpf_0DvsP1 When To End a Relationship Episode: https://youtu.be/Th6BaWiUkm8?si=vhLjtp8d8Wpn_DDW Why We Isolate Episode: https://youtu.be/y9uRcNJcOuc?si=kQ8HwiCtTz_4xa_9 ADHD Episode: https://youtu.be/N1UM0y77Jw4?si=hlm-BNQdIH3ilxJd Toxic Shame Episode: https://youtu.be/9XpiOkHSpjI?si=jH7yVgqSKPIzNuKo Re-Regulation Resources Episode: https://youtu.be/i05BWtgjYRw?si=wI26vDo6U9U2E6b2 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 01:10 Symptom 1: Are You Chronically On High Alert (Around Other People)? 03:13 Symptom 2: Do You Often Disconnect From The World Around You? 05:33 Symptom 3: Do You Struggle With Regulating Intense Emotions? 08:16 Symptom 4: Do You Have Medically Unexplainable Body-Symptoms? 11:28 Symptom 5: Do You Feel Flawed, Wrong And Worthless? 14:37 Symptom 6: Do You Experience “Panic Attacks” Regularly? 17:29 Symptom 7: Do You Exhibit The Same Bad Behavior As Your Parents, Or Do You Magically Attract Partners Who Are As Dysfunctional As Your Parents? 20:08 Symptom 8: Do You Avoid Relationships And Social Engagement? 22:16 Symptom 9: Do People Often Tell You, Things Are Waaaaay Different, Than You See Them? 24:31 Symptom 10: Do You Struggle With Body-Image And Addictions? 26:10 Solutions ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about CPTSD & attachment theory for highly sensitive & neurodivergent people. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

The Ups and Down in a Relationship Episode 3 Our Guest Heartbreak Healer Breakup Grief Guide Personal Coach Elmira Loftin, Doctah E --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/matthe-tiger-impersonator/message

Fabulous Fridays start right here... Can You Relate? Here it is: Relationships are tricky so you need some pro tips. I'm not gonna tell you how to catch someone. I'm honna tell you how to stay sane when you do. I'm also gonna tell you what not to do. The Relationship Episode! Get into it! This season we're focusing on Bold Journeyzz in Self-Care. Everyone is on a journey. There's a lesson in it all. Let's go! ### Want to talk Purpose visit ArtishaBolding.com ### Don't forget to grab your copy of The Patient Is Wearing Lipstick. ### We are fresh and blessed in here. ~Music by Tyron Simmons @peejay32 in IG ~ Show ideas or wanna show some love? Email TBOLDMEDIA@GMAIL.COM For more of Tee, check out these: Linktr.ee/TBoldMedia Podcast: Anchor.fm/boldjourneyzz Website: TBoldMedia.com and ArtishaBolding.com Facebook.com/artisha.bolding Instagram.com/artishabolding The Patient Is Wearing Lipstick available at https://www.amazon.com/Patient-Wearing-Lipstick-Emerging-Shadow/dp/B09VH796N5/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1675355186&sr=8-1 ### --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/boldjourneyzz/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/boldjourneyzz/support

Not everyone deserves a place in your heart. But closing ourselves off isn't the answer either. Boundaries can become fortresses. And then we wonder why no one can ever break through.  Yet it's not always about setting every boundary under the sun with each individual person in your life. It's about showing up as the person you want to be, and watching the magic that unfolds as a direct and specific result of your shift.  Can we allow life to happen, while also trusting ourselves to be able to handle issues as they come up? Can we show up in a way that simply repels what we are not ok with accepting?  In this episode, we're talking: Personal boundaries How to “be” the thing that you want to call in, and then watching what unfolds in your life as a direct result. Deciding what you are and are not willing to tolerate Shifting perspectives. Retraining your brain to recognize something different Leaning into the flow of life while balancing necessary boundaries   Boundaries is a conversation - and challenge - I hear from many listeners and clients. Do you struggle with boundaries? I'd love to chat more about this topic with you. Email me at info@emilygoughcoaching.com or DM me on Instagram @emilygoughcoach. Thank you for listening and please let me know your takeaways from this or other episodes!   CONNECT WITH EMILY Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together. Get Your Free Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Men's Group Coaching – 8-Week Program (Join the waitlist here) Women's Group Program “Becoming You” (Join the waitlist here) Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Email: Info@emilygoughcoaching.com              REFERENCES Episode 263 | The Value in Being Alone on Purpose (Whether Single or in a Relationship) Episode 285 | When Healthy Love Feels Scary: Some People Aren't Ready to be Truly Seen Episode 290 | Opening When You Want to Close: Why Withholding Will Damage Your Connections Episode 259 | Following the Path of Least Resistance Episode 297 | Slowly, Slowly, Slowly, Suddenly: Setting Intentions for a New Year Episode 93 | Choosing Your Family & Setting Healthy Boundaries Episode 108 | How to Set Boundaries: The Key to Healthy Relationships Episode 277 | Are You Waiting Around to Be Chosen? (Standards, Boundaries & Expectations)

The Relationship Episode!: What constitutes a relationship and how many does Rand have?Outline 00:01:13View from Dragonmount 00:01:41What Shook Your Willow? 00:34:20Division Amongst the Ranks 00:40:21Trick or Treaty 00:44:20Snakes and Foxes 00:59:03The Child Who Would be Queen 01:06:23Coplin of the Week 01:14:33Who Leveled Up? 01:19:14

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Not everyone deserves a place in your heart. But one thing I know for sure is that closing ourselves off isn't the answer either.  Boundaries can become fortresses. Then we wonder why no one can ever break through. Like anything else, there is so much nuance to this. It's not always about setting every boundary under the sun with each individual person in your life. It's about showing up as the person you want to be, and watching the magic that unfolds as a direct and specific result of your shift. Can we allow life to happen, while also trusting ourselves to be able to handle issues as they come up? Can we show up in a way that simply repels what we are not ok with accepting?  Today we're talking: How to "be" the thing that you want to call in, and then watching what unfolds in your life as a direct result. Decide what you are and are not willing to tolerate, and shifting yoru perspectives. Re-training your brain to recognize something different. Leaning into the flow of life while balancing that with necessary boundaries   REFERENCES Episode 263 | The Value in Being Alone on Purpose (Whether Single or in a Relationship) Episode 285 | When Healthy Love Feels Scary: Some People Aren't Ready to be Truly Seen Episode 290 | Opening When You Want to Close: Why Withholding Will Damage Your Connections Episode 259 | Following the Path of Least Resistance Episode 297 | Slowly, Slowly, Slowly, Suddenly: Setting Intentions for a New Year Episode 93 | Choosing Your Family & Setting Healthy Boundaries Episode 108 | How to Set Boundaries: The Key to Healthy Relationships Episode 277 | Are You Waiting Around to Be Chosen? (Standards, Boundaries & Expectations)   CONNECT WITH EMILY Book a private coaching call with Emily to work together. Instagram: @emilygoughcoach info@emilygoughcoaching.com Emily Gough Coaching Room to Grow Podcast   Questions?  Comments? Want to connect and chat about this episode? You can email me at info@emilygoughcoaching.com, or DM me over on Instagram @emilygoughcoach or Facebook at Emily Gough Coaching.  I would absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in real life and here any takeaways you had from this or other episodes!.  It makes me day to see you listening to the podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously.  See you on the ‘gram! If Instagram and Facebook aren't your jam, send me a good old fashioned email!  info@emilygoughcoaching.com

Have you ever felt yourself comparing? In the age of social media, comparison is at an all-time high. We are watching the highlight reels of everyone's life which can make us feel "less" than. This episode is all about ways to combat comparison and break the spirit each time it tries to enter your life. This episode is all about kingdom strategies to come against comparison and live the life that God has for you. Pastor Paul Calcote is bringing the heat this week as he shares his experience with comparison and how he continues to overcome it. This episode is for you if you have ever compared yourself to someone else! (Guest) Paul Calcote Podcast https://realpeoplerealtalk.buzzsprout.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/paulwcalcote/ Relationship Episode https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/living-single-pt-2/id1514992895?i=1000511491780 Order Spirituali-TEA Devotional Journal https://www.drlatanyamoore.com/spiritualiteadevotionaljournal Subscribe to the email list https://www.drlatanyamoore.com/subscription Follow Dr. LaTanya on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thedrmoore/

I told this to a friend going through some difficulties in her relationship months ago when she was wondering if she was asking for too much from her partner, and it’s something I’ve had to remind myself in various types of relationships over the years. You are not too much. You have needs, and if we avoid or sidestep communicating those needs for fear of losing the person, we’re actually being incredibly dishonest to both ourselves and the person we’re hoping will magically be able to meet those needs without even knowing what we want. And if they can’t meet those needs even after reasonable, respectful and open communication? Then perhaps they weren’t meant to stay in your life to begin with. Amir Levine says in his book Attached, “most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.” Would you rather stay silently in a relationship where resentment is constantly building because you aren’t communicating what you need out of a sense of fear? Or face showing up for yourself and letting the chips fall? There is no right or wrong answer here. It’s up to you, and you get to choose what feels best for you. But I’ll you that the second option requires much more self trust and innately knowing that you will be able to survive either way. And it also requires knowing and accepting that you cannot manage or control the reaction of the other person.   Ask me a question - I'll use this for future podcast episodes!   REFERENCES Episode #241, How to Have Hard Conversations & Improve Communication Episode #254, Forgive Yourself for Shrinking Into Spaces That Do Not Fit You Episode #139, The Transformative Power of Breathwork with Sara Silverstein Episode #263, The Value in Being Alone on Purpose (Whether Single or in a Relationship) Episode #130, Cancer, Depression & Strength: A Powerful Story of Hope & Resilience with Tom McClelland   Next Level Human Podcast, episode #88: Maturity in Romantic Relationships with Dr. Jade Teta & Emily Gough   Questions?  Comments? Want to connect and chat about this episode? You can email me at info@emilygoughcoaching.com, or DM me over on Instagram @emilygoughcoach or Facebook at Emily Gough Coaching.  I would absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in real life and here any takeaways you had from this or other episodes!.  It makes me day to see you listening to the podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously.  See you on the ‘gram! If Instagram and Facebook aren’t your jam, send me a good old fashioned email!  info@emilygoughcoaching.com BRAND NEW EPISODES EVERY TUESDAY & THURSDAY Find Emily Online: Emily Gough Coaching Room to Grow Podcast

In today's episode, we cover how to keep the romance in your life fresh. Unfortunately, many of us believe relationship myths as truth which can set us up for failure, so what are the biggest relationship myths, what else do you need besides love to make a relationship work, and what skills can you start working on today to improve your relationships? What to Listen For The Biggest Relationship Myths - 5:50 What are the biggest myths surrounding relationships and why do we believe them? Why do some people fall in love with falling in love more than they fall in love with actual people? How are dating apps making it more difficult for you to find a healthy relationship and what should you do to avoid falling into the swipe life trap? What are the 2 human traits that work against us when it comes to dating apps and how do we overcome them? The Tools for Strengthening Relationships - 15:45 What are emotional bids and how can you use them to deepen your relationships? What is the DEEP framework and how can you use it to understand the differences between you and your partner? What question can you and your partner ask each other to develop actionable goals to be more supportive of one another? What 4 skills can you start working on today to keep your relationship fresh? What simple exercise can you implement every day or week to improve communication in your relationships? What are the 3 levels of listening and how can your knowledge of them help you strengthen relationships? A long-lasting happy relationship requires more than just love. If you don't have the skills to navigate all of the issues and challenges that inevitably arise from two people spending time together, love won't simply solve all of your problems. Fortunately, the skills necessary to forge healthy relationships can be taught and learned, but you must be willing to grow. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship (Episode 719) Turning Toward Emotion (Episode 720) THIS IS WATER! A speech by David Foster Wallace Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube

On episode 140 of "Don't Take It Personal" the guys start the show responding to positive feedback from "The Relationship Episode" and then react to the public backlash Jay Wil received personally. Topics discussed: - Men providing for women being more than financial (29:48) - A Tribe Called Quest vs. Outkast (40:45) - Why the south resents New York Hip Hop (42:43) - Blog Rap making rappers more relatable (55:53) - Kas’ Life Goals (01:11:53) - If Hip Hop needs a Hall of Fame (01:26:13) - The results of the election (01:40:55) - Jay Will details his sister winning her election for Harris County (Houston) Clerk and becoming the first black woman to hold the position (01:53:20) - A brief discussion on “Lovecraft Country” (02:12:45) Jay Wil - @jaywiletc Hollywood Kas - @smashinginabunkbed (Instagram)/@hollywoodkas (Twitter) Nahm Dee - @nahm_dee

On episode 140 of "Don't Take It Personal" the guys start the show responding to positive feedback from "The Relationship Episode" and then react to the public backlash Jay Wil received personally. Topics discussed: - Men providing for women being more than financial (29:48) - A Tribe Called Quest vs. Outkast (40:45) - Why the south resents New York Hip Hop (42:43) - Blog Rap making rappers more relatable (55:53) - Kas’ Life Goals (01:11:53) - If Hip Hop needs a Hall of Fame (01:26:13) - The results of the election (01:40:55) - Jay Will details his sister winning her election for Harris County (Houston) Clerk and becoming the first black woman to hold the position (01:53:20) - A brief discussion on “Lovecraft Country” (02:12:45) Jay Wil - @jaywiletc Hollywood Kas - @smashinginabunkbed (Instagram)/@hollywoodkas (Twitter) Nahm Dee - @nahm_dee

WWJD Goes Deep - Corrections Won't Ruin the Relationship : Episode 1 - WWJD (2020)

WWJD Goes Deep - Corrections Won't Ruin the Relationship : Episode 1 - WWJD (2020) WWJD Goes Deep A new series I have started to help folks out by taking concepts and questions from our WWJD show and going deeper into the concepts or the answers. With this one I talk about the concept of correcting a dog for bad behavior and how it won’t ruin the relationship with the dog. Keep in mind when it comes to obedience training we do hundreds and hundreds of reps using lots of rewards and guidance before we would ever correct a dog but for behavior modification you do it as soon as it happens Shop a hand picked selection of items used at Solid K9 Training & by Jeff Gellman... https://www.amazon.com/shop/solidk9training Jeff Gellman Solid K9 Training *********FOLLOW ME********** • Solid K9 Training http://solidk9training.com/ • Jeff Gellman Seminars ... https://www.jeffgellmanseminars.com/ • Trick Training ... https://cooldogtricks.com/ • Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Solid-K9-Training/140229622668254 • Instagram SolidK9Training • Patreon ... www.patreon.com/solidk9training • Joelle's Patreon ... https://www.patreon.com/joellegifford Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to my channel!

Today on #HashinItOut we introduce our first Relationship Episode. We're going to get right into the thick of it all! Right NEOWWW!It's gonna get a little heavy. XXX HEAVY, do naught say that we didn't warn you.We discuss:The Cumology of who comes first...Toys R Us: Visiting the sex storeSidebar: What is your go to way of ending a coversation via text or phone call?Enjoy!!Contact Us:All podcasts platforms:https://linktr.ee/Hashinitout |Instagram: www.instagram.com/Glamsmartz www.instagram.com/jhash2Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/pages/category/Podcast/Hashin-It-Out-111100260569535/Youtube: www.youtube.com/Glamsmartz Email: hashinitout@gmail.comTwitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/hashinitout_Music provided by Denise Renee:www.instagram.com/theestout

Part 1 of the Relationship Episode. Esse B, Kim C, A-to-theWhy and Kim V. discuss the Craziest thing they have ever done for love. The women talk about trust, PMS (Power, Money, Sex) and modern day dating trends. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/gurl/message

This week! IT'S THE FEBRUARY SPECIAL!! The RELATIONSHIP EPISODE! This episode was recorded on the heels of PAX East day one, while in a hotel room, right after overindulging in the best buffet we've ever visited -- so you're in for a ride. Our theme this month was relationships, both romantic and platonic, and - because our listeners are wonderful - we were flooded with incredible suggestions. This month had the most entrants for the giveaway yet! Leave some love on the episode page or in a review if you enjoy the special! Love yoooooouuuuu. 00:09:48 — TV! Kermit & Miss Piggy 00:21:50 — MOVIES! The Notebook, The Goodbye Girl, True Romance 00:55:18 — VIDEO GAMES! Portal, Mario & Peach & Bowser Thank you to all of this episode's contributors! Even if you don't hear your suggested content on this episode, you are indeed a contributor and we've got your suggestions logged! - Rachel E. - Mel St. Louis - @andyalltogether - Catrina W. - Gina A. - Sarah Daniels - Angela S. - @jaybthecanadian - @itsafshar - @xlivefreeordiex - @the.nintendogamer - @d_linguine - @effie.marie - @shadix456

Forming and sustaining relationships with others is one of our greatest opportunities for growth, soul expression and wisdom. As we are all interconnected, we are also consistently co-creating the desires of our soul that require more than one person to carry them out. But how do we know if what we are energetically being asked… The post Staying Authentic & True to Self in Relationship – Episode 59 appeared first on Rewilding for Women.

Is Henny the basic bitch meeting point? Trust issues, emotional cheating, insecurities showing up in our relationships and the importance of a good morning text. It’s the Relationship Episode with the two single Scoops of the show! Special shoutout to Trini Boy (you know who you are) and one of our bomb ass listeners @kaivicious!   IG: lathreescoops Music: Good Vibes by Dj Quads https://soundcloud.com/aka-dj-quads; promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/FQrKSf-Nk-Q

If there’s one guest who is the most requested on the Model Health Show, it would be the lovely Anne Stevenson. Anne is my wife, my very best friend, and the Operations Manager for our business. Everything that I have accomplished would not be possible without her by my side. I’ve interviewed Anne here on the show before, so today we thought we’d try something a little different. On this episode, we’re turning the tables and Anne is interviewing me. I had no idea what to expect going into this interview, but Anne brought it big-time with her thought-provoking questions. (I think she might be the next Oprah). We’re covering my background, including my childhood and the important lessons I learned early in life. You’ll learn more about my experience recovering my health, and how it influenced my career. We’ll talk about relationships—from co-parenting, to working with your spouse on a daily basis. Additionally, we covered the topic of mindset, including developing a sense of calmness and confidence, and what it takes to find true fulfillment. We both put a lot of heart into this episode, we hope you find valuable insights to inspire you to transform your life. In this episode you’ll discover: The culture I grew up in, and how it set the stage for later health problems. What being biracial taught me about acceptance. The first person in my life who instilled the importance of education. How to decide to stop being aggressive and self-centered. My greatest inspirations in life. The experience that sparked my thirst for knowledge (and passion to help others). The importance of honoring your standards. What my morning routine looks like (and what I’ve learned about being flexible!) How to gracefully distance yourself from toxic relationships. The biggest lessons I’ve learned from co-parenting. My advice for couples who work together. Why changing your health actually means deciding to shift your identity. How to clean up your social media feeds, and set a standard in your home. The key to finding true fulfillment. Two life-changing lessons I’ve learned from The Model Health Show. The link between kindness and authenticity. How to get others on board with your vision. The main piece of advice I would give my children about being successful in their lives. Items mentioned in this episode include: Organifi.com/Model ⇐ Use the coupon code MODEL for 20% off! Ettitude.com/Model⇐ Use the coupon code MODEL for 10% off your organic sheets! The Fat Loss Code Transformationalnutrition.com/model⇐ Take the ITN assessment! The Power of No with James Altucher – Episode 217 Exercise Your “No” Muscle with Michael Hyatt – Episode 206 8 Signs That You Need to Move on From a Relationship – Episode 278 Increase Your Sense of Value with Lisa Nichols – Episode 234 Natural Treatment for Type 2 Diabetes – Episode 13 The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Ultimate Relationship Program by Tony Robbins * Download The Transcript Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Model Health Show. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute and leave a quick rating and review of the show on Apple Podcasts by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week! Click Here to Subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click Here to Subscribe via Stitcher Click here to Subscribe via Spotify Click here to Subscribe via Soundcloud  

Relationship Episode

How do you sustain attraction in your relationship over the long term? What can you do if you no longer feel “the spark” with your partner? And, what can you do if your partner no longer feels attracted to you? In today’s episode, we’re going to cover the mysterious force that brings us together when it’s there (and sometimes tears us apart when it’s not there): Attraction. And to celebrate the 100th episode of the Relationship Alive podcast, we are joined by two very special guests: John Gottman AND Sue Johnson. John Gottman and Sue Johnson have both been with us here on the podcast before, and our conversation today will reveal to you some surprising, well-researched truths about what fuels the spark in your relationship. The good news: While most relationships go through difficult times in which one or both partners can feel disconnected, the good news is that desire and connection can be rebuilt. This is almost always the case, even after a major betrayal. That said, while most couples can go from disinterest and disengagement to passion, it is difficult to find desire from a place of disgust. When a person is repulsed by another’s appearance, taste or smell, there is no a lot you can do. If, however, it is just that the attraction has waned then there is much to rediscover and rekindle! Not quite feeling it? Are you experiencing a lack of desire in your relationship? Does it seem like the spark is dim? Research shows that when desire is missing it is due to the fact that one is not being responsive to their partner. It is not, as many assume, caused by a deficiency in your partner but rather in yourself. In some ways it is like the old mother’s quip about “if you are bored it is because you are boring”. So much of what we experience in relationships is a reality of our own making. While this realization can feel daunting and humbling, it is also the key to feeling empowered and remembering we are agents of change. Unpack low desire and understand where the shutdown is coming from: A decrease in attraction to your partner should be viewed as a symptom, rather than a cause. You have to unpack the symptom of not being a attracted and look at the anatomy of it. What is at the core root of this? What might be causing this reaction? Often it has to do with responsiveness and the following trio of relationship dimensions: The Trio: Responsiveness is the key to rekindling passion and connection in a relationship. Responsiveness can be broken down into the following trio of key relationship dimensions:   Building Trust: Trust is built through attunement and transparency. There should be no hidden agendas or secrets. You must take care to see each other and to truly listen. Tune in and receive each other and each other’s words with openness. Listen reflectively, with compassion versus defensiveness. Building Commitment: The key to building commitment is to make positive comparisons to real or imagined alternatives. You can build commitment by cherishing your partner and what you have and by nurturing gratitude for what you have together. When, instead you do the opposite and make negative comparisons to real or imagined alternatives you begin on a pathway of nurturing resentment for what is missing in the relationship and you begin on the pathway towards betrayal. Come back often to gratitude and appreciation for what is. Building Physiological Calm: Building physiological calm is a complex thing, however it is the crucial third leg of the stool that makes relationships solid, satisfying, and sustainable. Find mutual ways of relating to each other that are soothing and non-arousing. Through collaboration and togetherness you can create an experience of co-regulation in which you can feel calm, playful, and open.   Respond to your partner: This trio of attunement, commitment, and calm must be constantly tended to. Be sure you are noticing and responding to your partner’s needs and emotions. This tuning in will in fact increase your attraction and your sense of closeness. By actively cherishing your partner you actively build passion! So don’t wait for moments to emerge to notice each other- build these moments into your everyday. Post-betrayal growth: Growth and reconnection are possible even after the most difficult of experiences. In the case, however, of trauma - which many affairs can create - trust will not be rekindled unless the symptoms and effects of PTSD are addressed. PTSD- which involves a constellation of symptoms and emotions, is a natural reaction that occurs when someone is faced with an experience that overwhelms their ability to manage in a regulated way. To address PTSD for partners who have been betrayed due to an affair there must be a supportive process that involves the following 3 phases: Atonement- The person who had the affair needs to listen openly and compassionately to their hurt partner and begin to create an emotional bridge Attunement- Strengthen the bridge and build trust by listening to each other and navigating conflict with non-judgement and non-reactivity. Really hear each other and work through accumulated regrettable instances that have not yet been processed in the relationship Attachment- Invest in the relationship- commit to each other daily and rebuild through responsiveness. Grass is greener/Down the Cascade- It is helpful to know that when you notice yourself making comparisons you are already a ways down the cascade towards disconnection, and even betrayal. This is true because you have likely been investing less in the relationship as you are protecting yourself by imagining the ‘other’. When we do so we are not open or willing to be vulnerable, and this leads to feeling unfulfilled and imagining the grass as greener elsewhere. You can do something about this! Tune back in. Truly listen. And turn towards your partner’s bids for connection. As you invest more attention and intention in the relationship you will begin to see your partner through fresher and more appreciative eyes, therefore making the grass over there less green and inviting. Keep stoking the fire- That incredible sense of being in love does not have an expiration date or a shelf life! You can keep this spark going indefinitely. Research shows that couples who have vibrant and fulfilling sex lives continuously incorporate the following 13 behaviors/actions: The Baker’s Dozen: Say I love you every day and mean it Kiss one another passionately for no reason at all (6 seconds at least) Give each other surprise romantic gifts and give compliments on regular basis They know what turns their partner on and off erotically and have a love map Physically affectionate even in public Keep playing and having fun together Cuddle often (gateway to great sex!) Make sex a priority Stay good friends Talk comfortably about their sex life Have weekly romantic dates Take romantic vacations They turn towards their partner’s bids for connection Not rocket science!  Put this list on your fridge! Celebrate it and become an expert at it! Make it your own! Stay mindful that courtship does not end after you say “I do.” Vibrant and fulfilling shared lives requires that trust building and commitment building gestures occur daily. Choose your partner each day, and remind them time and time again that they are the one you choose, they are the love of your life.   And then...SUE JOHNSON!   Lost attraction? Attraction can be lost for many different reasons. One of the main reasons is that people have gotten caught in a negative emotional ‘dance’ and they are left feeling exhausted, abandoned and rejected. This can be so painful that people start to feel helpless and begin to grieve and give up. When people say they have fallen out of love or that they aren’t attracted to their partner, what they are really often trying to say, but do not know how, is more like “Our dynamics have left me feeling overwhelmed, and lonely and so I have detached more and more and am now not feeling the attraction”. If you are feeling less attracted to your partner, ask yourself if perhaps you are caught in a dance of disconnection. Pull towards: Attraction is about much more than sexuality! Attraction is about being pulled towards someone. We are drawn in by their presence, their openness, and their responsiveness. Because attraction develops from how we engage with each other, it makes sense that when we begin to pull away from our partner whether due to frustration or protection, we don’t feel as drawn towards them sexually. Disconnection happens in all relationships. Feeling disconnected and then losing a sense of attraction happens often- the key is not to avoid this, but rather to know how to turn it back on. It’s not that happy couples don’t fight or get disconnected, of course not, it is that they know how to turn towards each other and feel safe enough together to risk reaching and re-engaging with each other. Pull your partner in. What do you do to help pull your partner towards you? How do you help make them feel safe and connected? Openness and receptiveness are part of the basis of building secure bonds and can help put your partner at ease. Risk being vulnerable by sharing how you feel with transparency and responsibility. For example, instead of saying “why don’t you talk to me more?” (which turns off their attraction neurons because it is threatening) try “you know, I was realizing today that I have this longing for us to talk the way we used to. I have this longing just to feel you close to me and to know that I have your attention. It is scary for me when I feel this distance between us.” Allowing yourself to admit your feelings vulnerably (using I statements) will draw your partner in as they will be curious and compassionate, rather than defended. You can even allow yourself to share with them that you are feeling confused and don’t know what to do about the fact that you feel less attracted to them. Sharing in this way can allow the two of you to heal each other and learn from each other so you can reconnect and this alone usually solves the problems. NOTE: If this open dialogue is a new way of communicating then be patient and don’t expect your partner to respond in new ways immediately. Even if they don’t get it the first time, with repetition their nervous systems will pick up on the fact that you are coming from a loving place, rather than a blaming one. Love CAN be a safe adventure- Think of the way babies pull us towards them- their wide eyes, outstretched hands, cooing… and then think about how you can’t NOT respond and engage. This emotional dance of responsiveness and synchronicity is intoxicating, and leads to the most rewarding moments in human life. Finding these moments with your partner will re-engage them out of shutdown. We are wired to feel thrill when we are reached for. Reaching can look like many different things- everything from asking your partner to engage in a project/adventure/task/moment, sharing bravely and openly in a way they feel trusted, or even asking your partner to help with something and letting them feel needed. Relationships that cultivate connection thrive because they have the safety needed for play and new possibilities of intimacy. Present not perfect: Thankfully you don’t have to be perfect in love! In fact, you can mess up often as long as you are dedicated to creating repairs after ruptures. In order to work through the fears we are so often present with in our relationships when it comes to conflict and disconnection, fears of not being good enough or not knowing how, try taking on the mantra “I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be present” Give attention to grow attraction: Attraction fades when there is not enough attention and attuning being given in the relationship. Do not let your relationship run on empty- find ways, daily, to fill up your tank by giving each other time and attention. Do things together! Be together! Love each other up!     Resources: Episode 1 - John Gottman - How to Be A Master of Relationship Episode 27 - Sue Johnson - Breaking Free from Your Patterns of Conflict Episode 74 - John Gottman - How to Build Trust and Positive Energy in Your Relationship Episode 82 - Sue Johnson - How Safety Leads to Better Sex GOTTMAN - Learn more about Gottman’s work and find extensive resources on his website Interested in a workshop or a training? Check out what is happening now! Read John Gottman’s books JOHNSON - Read Sue Johnson’s books Love Sense and Hold Me Tight Check out Sue Johnson’s website for videos, resources, and upcoming events www.neilsattin.com/attraction  Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with John Gottman and Sue Johnson Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out