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In this episode of the "Stronger Marriage Connection" podcast, hosts Dave Schramm and Liz Hale are joined by certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman. They delve into common sexual issues faced by couples, focusing on sexual desire discrepancies and strategies for maintaining a strong marital connection. Jessa provides invaluable insights into reactive and proactive desires, the sexual avoidance cycle, and the impacts of pressure and expectations on sexual intimacy. About Jessa Zimmerman: Jessa Zimmerman is a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Sheworks in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of her therapy career, she has focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy. In her years of clinical experience, Zimmerman has treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. Her clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy. She specializes in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 pillar experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate. Zimmerman received her Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University andSex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors,and Therapists (AASECT). She has done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus onCrucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch. She is the author of Sex Without Stress; A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure. She is the host of the Better Sex Podcast and has appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. She is the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and founder of The Desire Spa, an online course for women with little to no libido. She is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Marriage.com, Business Insider, and Mind Body Green. She lives in Seattle with her partner. Insights: Jessa: One cannot fail in sex if they shift their mindset to view it simply as a source of pleasure and connection, without attaching to specific outcomes. By embracing this approach, sexual experiences can become easy and enjoyable, even if they differ from previous expectations or desires. The key lies in accepting and adapting to these differences, which opens limitless possibilities for enjoyment and satisfaction. Dave: Moods for sexual activity evolve over time, there is a contrast between the constant readiness (proactive mood) in early stages of relationships with the need to actively engage or transition into feeling ready (reactive mood) as time progresses. If couples only engaged in sex when both partners were spontaneously in the mood, they might seldom have sex. Love the concepts of reactive and proactive desire, and engaging physically can lead to a physiological response where the body releases dopamine and serotonin, aligning physical readiness with emotional desire. Liz: Sex is like going to a playground, we don't know how long we're going to stay. We're not sure what we're going to enjoy once we get there. But we are going to enjoy it. It's not about the outcome or the goal. Jessa Zimmerman Links: https://intimacywithease.com Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife Dr. Dave Schramm: https://drdaveschramm.com https://drdavespeaks.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642 Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/
This week I sat down with sex therapist by day and busy online coach Jessa Zimmerman who is currently creating a whole new life as the founder of the Leveraged Expert Academy, a coaching program that walks other professionals through every step of creating and selling their own online course.Along with her own journey from stay-at-home mom to a successful career helping others thrive, Jessa shares the struggles and real truth around the death of intimacy, and what, as parents, we can do to cultivate healthy relationships. Jessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist and couples counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it's become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 Pillar Experiential Process that allows them real-world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate.She is the author of Sex Without Stress, the host of the Better Sex Podcast, the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Business Insider, Mind Body Green, and Marriage.com.If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @pamgodboiscoaching and @leveragedexpertLINKS:Jessa's Website: https://www.intimacywithease.comJessa's FREE Masterclass: https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclassJessa's Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/passiveincomeforserviceprofessionalsCONNECT WITH PAM: Free Facebook Group For Moms: The Messy Truth: Moms on the Path of RediscoveryConnect with me: Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok. If you're like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!! https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. Be sure to tune in next week.
How can you want sex again once it's become difficult, stressful, anxiety producing, and disappointing? Today's guest has all the answers. Jessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist with a private practice in Seattle. She works with couples to take the stress out of sex and navigate desire discrepancy. Jessa founded Intimacy with Ease, and created an online course for women with little to no desire to help them actually want sex again. She is the author of Sex Without Stress; a couple's guide to overcome disappointment, avoidance, and pressure, and the host of the Better Sex podcast. Connect with your host, Brittany Lynch @thestepqueen Connect special guest Jessa Zimmerman via email info@intimacywithease.com, cruise her website at www.intimacywithease.com, or connect with her on IG @intimacywithease This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy
If you struggle connecting with your partner on a deeper level or in a more intimate way, this episode is for you. In this episode, certified sex educator, Jessa Zimmerman and I have a conversation about how to begin improving your intimate connections with your partner. This episode is clean and tasteful, but may not be for little ears. Use headphones for this one! Get more support with Jessa here... How to want sex again so it never feels like a chore: www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass For daily conversation starters via text: text "topics" to +1(206)309-8645 or visit https://my.community.com/jessaatintimacywithease Want to create a happier relationship with your body this month? Join my popular Body Love Freedom Audio Course - 14 days to better body love: https://awomanofwellness.com/bodylovefreedom. Use code LOVE to get this audio course for 60% off for the month of February! Jessa Zimmerman is a licensed couples counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. She works in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of her therapy career, she has focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy. She is the author of Sex Without Stress; A Couple's Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure. She is the host of the Better Sex Podcast and has appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. She is the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and founder of The Desire Spa, an online course for women with little to no libido. She is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Marriage.com, Business Insider, and Mind Body Green.
Sex and intimacy are aspects of a relationship that all couples struggle with. It is also an area of our lives where we receive limited and often destructive and unhelpful messages as a child and adult. By deepening your understanding and ability to communicate with your partner about the intimate aspects of your relationship, you create the ability to give and receive love in a way that makes you feel deeply connected and fulfilled.In this episode Tarah and EJ interview Jessa Zimmerman a nationally certified sex therapist (AASECT), author of “Sex Without Stress,” and host of “Better Sex”. In this informative episode, they address several issues, including. What is a sex therapist?How should couples go about finding a sex therapist?What are common sexual struggles?The “universal problem” of different sex drives.Why couples struggle to talk about sex.Two types of desire. Creating a new atmosphere for your sexual relationship.Jessa ZimmermanSex Without StressBetter Sex PodcastSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations
Today on the Swoon podcast, Julie and Gina host special guest, author, and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman about why sexual connection takes work but it can happen without stress.
Have you ever been in a long-term relationship where the fire seemed to dwindle in the bedroom? Did you know that it's normal? Relationships will ebb and flow over time, and with communication, they can survive. Sometimes you don't know where to start the conversation, and a therapist might help. Join us this week as we learn ways to begin these sometimes difficult conversations.Patreon Link - https://www.patreon.com/macp_podcastJessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist and couples' counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it's become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 pillar experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate.She is the author of Sex Without Stress, the host of the Better Sex Podcast, the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Business Insider, Mind Body Green, and Marriage.com.Jessa's LinksIG @intimacywithease FB @intimacywitheaseDr Mac's Linkshttps://linktr.ee/macp_clinichttps://bookshop.org/shop/MACPerformancehttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mac-performance-podcast/id1518619232
Jessa Zimmerman is a a certified sex therapist in Seattle, the author of Sex Without Stress, host of the Better Sex Podcast, and creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method. She helps people in otherwise happy relationships create a sex life that is fun and easy for both of them so they can enjoy physical intimacy without pressure or obligation.Connect with Jessa: Free webinar: How to enjoy physical intimacy without pressure or obligationWebsite: Intimacy With EasePodcast: Better Sex PodcastInstagram: @IntimacyWithEaseFacebook: Intimacy With EaseConnect with Katie: Website: Digitally EnhancedInstagram: @Digitally.Enhanced.MarketingFree class mentioned in the episode: DigitallyEnhanced.co/class
When sex is the biggest stressor in a relationship, it can seem easier to just ignore the problem. This creates a cycle of noncommunication, pressure, stress, and pain. But stressful sex needs to be talked about! Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains her eight competencies from her book Sex Without Stress and how couples can overcome the disappointing cycle. Purchase Sex Without Stress at https://amzn.to/3mGscYT For exclusive Bringing Intimacy Back content, become a patron at www.patreon.com/BIBPodcast Shop Bringing Intimacy Back merch at www.bringingintimacyback.com/shop Follow Bringing Intimacy Back on Twitter, Facebook, Tiktok, and Instagram. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In this episode, my guest Jessa Zimmerman will talk to us about the importance of intimacy in our relationships, how even good relationships have droughts and her method for finding it again. Jessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 pillar experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate. She is the author of Sex Without Stress, the host of the Better Sex Podcast, the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Business Insider, Mind Body Green, and Marriage.com. Visit her website Intimacy with Ease to get her Free Webinar and more. Guest Social Media links Instagram – http://www.instagram.com/intimacywithease Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/intimacywithease Website – http://www.intimacywithease.com Victoria Lowell is a financial advocate, coach, international bestselling author of “Empower your Worth: A Woman’s Guide to Increasing Self-Worth and Net Worth.” and the founder of Empowered Worth, a financial-education platform that empowers women to become active participants in their own financial future and well-being. In late 2018 she left Wall Street and followed her passion to help women assert themselves fiscally. Her expertise in this field has led to her hosting this podcast, conferences and webinars, motivational speaking and being a guest on many tv, radio and podcast shows. Thanks for listening! It means so much to us that you listened to our podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with us, head on over to www.empoweredworth.com . With this podcast, we are building a community of Empowered Women that we hope to inspire to a better their lives and take their place at the financial table. If you know somebody who would benefit from this message, or would be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Social Media links Instagram - @empoweredworth Facebook - @victorialowellew & @empoweredworth Twitter - @empoweredworth Pinterest - @empoweredworth You Tube - @empoweredworth Website – www.empoweredworth.com Join our Free Membership today and get access to all of our On-Demand Personal Finance Course, Early Access to Workshops and Seminars, Free Downloads and More. JOIN EMPOWERED WORTH REGISTRATION OPEN for your Empowered Worth Masterclass, use this link to register today. REGISTER HERE Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe on the podcast app on your mobile device. Leave us a review We appreciate every bit of feedback to make this a value adding part of your day. Ratings and reviews from our listeners not only help us improve, but also help others find us in their podcast app. If you have a minute, an honest review on iTunes goes a long way! Thank You!!
ATTENTION! This episode is suitable for adults only. Today's guest is Jessa Zimmerman. She is a mental health counselor, certified sex therapist, and author of ,Sex Without Stress.' Kathy and Jessa have an in depth conversation on the dynamic between sex and a healthy relationship, and vice versa. They discuss intimacy, communication, differing sexual desire, expectations, avoidance, the evolution of sex in relationships and much more. They also talk about the importance of modeling positive interaction in our relationships for our kids.
Jessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 9-phase experiential process that allows them real-world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life. She is the author of Sex Without Stress, the host of the Better Sex Podcast, and is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Business Insider, Mind Body Green, and Marriage.com. Today we’re chatting about: How to start the Sex Convo in any Relationship What the definition of a Sexless Relationship really is Why you need to make Sex about connection How to Make Sex Engaging again Connect with Jessa Zimmerman: Website: www.jessazimmerman.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/seattlecouplescounselor/ Twitter: @jessa_zimmerman Get a copy of Jen’s book, “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda: A Divorce Coach’s Guide to Staying Married” here.
Oh my goodness, where to start about this week’s episode?! We’re talking with the effervescent and endlessly riveting Jessa Zimmerman who you may remember her from episode . Well, she’s just dropped her AMAZING new book for couples who have a good relationship but are avoiding sex called Sex without stress; a couple’s guide to overcoming disappointment, avoidance, and pressure.” Jessa shares a snapshot of her 9 step process with us. In this podversation: 1:23 - Let’s learn about Jessa 3:08 - Why this book? 5:28 - The catalyst of grief and the two sides of sex 8:46 - Excuses, excuses, excuses. 11:29 - Let’s talk about sex baby. 13:20 - The traps of desire discrepancy 16:50 - The butterflies 17:25 - Enjoy the ride ;) 20:02 - Being right here 22:14 - The alchemy of “No.” 24:47 - BE A LITTLE SELFISH! 28:47 - Advanced eroticism 31:53 - Taking pleasure personally 33:57 - Exploration, play, and gentle acceptance in the bedroom. Meet Jessa Zimmerman Jessa Zimmerman is a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life. She does this work through in person therapy in her office in Seattle, online therapy for Washington residents, her Better Sex podcast, and her soon to be published book aimed at helping couples who are avoiding sex.
Terri and Jacqueline get spicy in a conversation about exploring all aspects of yourself in midlife including sex, starting over as a beginning without expectations, new and improved technology, and the importance of loving and accepting yourself to maximize your pleasure. Show Highlights Terri and Jacqueline talk about how exciting it is in midlife to be able to explore in all aspects of life, including in your sex life, and starting over as a beginner without expectations They talk tech, toys, data, and orgasms for midlife women in the age of connected devices and improved technology Terri and Jacqueline discuss how body image and how we feel in our own skin impacts our ability to enjoy sex and pleasure Terri talks about the importance of education and normalization of discussion around women’s sexual health and body parts Terri’s Key Takeaway Midlife sexual exploration for women is good for our bodies, our minds, and our souls. But leave the baggage and expectations behind. References in the Podcast Rosy App: https://meetrosy.com/ Kerry Rupp: https://www.kerryrupp.com/ True Wealth Ventures: https://truewealthvc.com/ Jessa Zimmerman’s interview with Susie Rosenstein on Women in the Middle: https://suzyrosenstein.com/podcast/ep-35-midlife-mindfulness-and-sex-with-jessa-zimmerman/ Lioness: https://lioness.io/ Core (meditation device): https://www.hellocore.com/ Genneve: https://genneve.com/ TASL: http://www.lovelifetoys.com/Kegels Elvie: https://www.elvie.com/ BWom: https://www.b-wom.com/en Yoni Egg review by Liz Klinger of Lioness: https://blog.lioness.io/i-tried-yoni-eggs-to-see-if-they-made-my-orgasms-magical-dd29c6d9b8cd Lioness article on women in midlife and sex: https://blog.lioness.io/the-newest-sexual-wellness-products-for-midlife-and-menopause-you-need-to-know-about-b3e8719be038 Dr. Bev Joyce: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverly-joyce-md-84292475/ Sciton Diva Canadian approval announcement: https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/diva-by-sciton-receives-approved-indication-for-the-treatment-of-genitourinary-symptoms-of-menopause-gsm-by-health-canada-300795513.html Lora DiCarlo: https://loradicarlo.com/ Pulse: https://lovemypulse.com/ Watkin-Conti Products: http://www.watkinscontiproducts.com/ Vagina Vulva mansplaining article on Scary Mommy: https://www.scarymommy.com/vulva-versus-vagina-twitter/ O.School: https://www.o.school/ Lioness article on Sensation Play: https://blog.lioness.io/what-is-sensation-play-7f287da78d3f Addyi: https://addyi.com/ Sex Without Stress: https://sexwithoutstress.com/book/ Dame Products: https://www.dameproducts.com/ Maude: https://getmaude.com/ Zumio: https://myzumio.com/ Contact Jacqueline can be reached through her website https://www.jacquelinesteenhuis.com/ and can be followed on Twitter @TipsyCoPilot. You can follow Terri on Twitter at @terrihansonmead or go to her website at www.terrihansonmead.com or on Medium: https://medium.com/@terrihansonmead. Feel free to email Terri at PilotingYourLife@gmail.com. To continue the conversation, go to Twitter at @PilotingLife and use hashtag #PilotingYourLife.
Who is Jessa Zimmerman? Jessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She is the author of Sex Without Stress, the host of the Better Sex Podcast, and is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Business Insider, Mind Body Green, and Marriage.com. Show Highlights Jessa talks about our work as humans and the clarity we have in midlife and the risks we should be taking to improve and transform our relationships Jessa talks about the need to redefine sex not just as we get older but from the very beginning Jessa talks about the myth of soul mates who are expected to complete us, consensual non-monogamy, affairs, and cheating Terri asked Jessa to share the resources she recommends for couples looking to improve their relationships and sex in midlife Terri’s Key Takeaway Your relationship and intimate life are like a garden that needs to be tended. References in the Podcast Better Sex Podcast: https://bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Without Stress: https://sexwithoutstress.com/book/ Susie Rosenstein interviews Jessa on Women in the Middle: https://suzyrosenstein.com/podcast/ep-35-midlife-mindfulness-and-sex-with-jessa-zimmerman/ The Breaking Point: https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Point-Midlife-Transforming-Hardcover/dp/B010EWAQQ6 The Real Reason Women Cheat: https://www.thelist.com/32795/real-reasons-women-cheat/ Contact Jessa can be reached through her website https://sexwithoutstress.com/ You can follow Terri on Twitter at @terrihansonmead or go to her website at www.terrihansonmead.com or on Medium: https://medium.com/@terrihansonmead. Feel free to email Terri at PilotingYourLife@gmail.com. To continue the conversation, go to Twitter at @PilotingLife and use hashtag #PilotingYourLife. Show Flow Comments and Notes
My guest today is Jessa Zimmerman, we discuss the important elements of sex in marriage and finish off with a highly insightful Q&A session from real moms and wives. If you are in anyway struggling in this area or just want to improve your sex life, then this isn't an episode you want to miss! More on Jessa; She is a certified sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life. She is the author of Sex Without Stress, the host of the Better Sex Podcast, and is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Business Insider, Mind Body Green, and Marriage.com Listen and enjoy! Don’t forget to subscribe & leave us a review! Connect with Emma – Dream Permit on Email, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Jessa – Instagram , Facebook and Resources mentioned
On this week’s podcast, we’re talking SEX! Are you looking to improve your sex life with your partner? This is what we’re diving into…. Benefits of an active sexual relationship Top reasons your sex life may be going downhill Men vs Women Lifestyle tips improving your sex life Sex Toys Porn About Jessa Jessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life.She is the author of Sex Without Stress, the host of the Better Sex Podcast, and is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Business Insider, Mind Body Green, and Marriage.com. Connect with Jessa over on her website + her podcast! Connect with Lahana over on Facebook, Instagram, and her website!
By the time I was in my early twenties, Carrie Bradshaw and the women in Sex and the City seemed to have revolutionised the way sex was discussed amongst groups of girl friends - my peer group certainly had a lot of very open discussions, and suffice to say that there was a time when I had a pretty in depth knowledge about the sex lives of my closest friends. I was reflecting on this since speaking to today’s guest however, and realised that those conversations are rare now that we're ten years older, and mostly married or in settled relationships. A lot of my friends have small kids and busy jobs, and the heady days of dating, sex and excitement seem to have disappeared somewhat. That doesn’t mean that we’re not happy, it’s just that our conversations have changed. A few friends have mentioned a lack of sex post-children, but what happens when intimacy and sex in a relationship starts to disappear altogether? Whatever your orientation or preferences, is it necessary to be having sex or being intimate in a couple to be happy? And how do you come back from a place where passion seems to have disappeared altogether? My guest today, Jessa Zimmerman, answers these questions and a whole lot more in her clinical practice as a certified sex therapist in Seattle, Washington. In addition to seeing couples for treatment, she has also written a book, Sex Without Stress, and produces her own podcast, Better Sex. If we’re talking unusual careers, this one certainly ticks that box, and I was so interested to hear from Jessa about what her job entails and her thoughts on sex in the 21st century. It goes without saying that this episode contains a fair amount of sexual content and some pretty frank discussions on a variety of aspects of sex, but Jessa is an amazing guest so sit down and have a listen! Show links: Website: www.jessazimmerman.com Podcast: https://bettersexpodcast.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/JessaZimmerman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessakzimmerman/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/seattlecouplescounselor LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessazimmerman/
This week we welcome licensed couples’ counselor, nationally certified sex therapist and author of "Sex Without Stress" Jessa Zimmerman to answer all of our sex questions: how often should you have sex, how to talk to your partner when you have differing sex drives and what questions you should ask each other. In dating news we discuss why masturbation needs to be taught in sex ed & why making your bed might lead to a better sex life. Then we answer your listener questions including one listener who thinks her boyfriend’s sex requests are too blunt & another who’s man needs constant sex validation.This week's episode is brought to you by Lola, Squarespace, and Kopari!
The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is far more common than many would believe, and I talk about this situation, what causes it and perpetuates its continuance.I also answer the first of my listener questions during this “Soapbox” episode where I get to help you understand this important topic.The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is pretty much the basis for my new book, Sex Without Stress, and today I try to answer some important questions people commonly have about it.Firstly, what is the cycle? And what are all the things that play into it? How do people get trapped into the cycle and why does it make sense that you may be stuck too?And most importantly, how do you get out?You Are Not AloneThis cycle is very common, I see it all the time in my practice. It starts with some sort of disappointment around a sexual experience, often leading to avoidance, which can put undue stress and pressure on the sexual piece of a relationship, which can be disappointing…and you can see where this is going.Sex Gets HardIt’s normal to have trouble with sex. Things come up. Physical issues like sexual dysfunction, illness or disease, or changes in physical functioning as we age.We all experience challenges within our relationships too. The dynamics change, there are communication or conflict issues, we grow and change as people, and our desires around sex shift as well.Then there’s the general busyness of life and things that happen as we get older.DisappointmentThis is generally the first step towards a lap around the Sexual Avoidance Cycle. There is some negative experience with sex and if it happens on a regular basis, it can make it feel risky to even have sex.It’s like a test, but you’re not sure how you’re going to do. Are you going to pass? Or fail? Sex isn’t a test, but this is how people often feel and it can be extremely stressful.It creates a perpetual increase in anxiety around sex which will often lead to…AvoidanceYou find yourself, or maybe your partner, avoiding conversations about sex. And even avoiding the act itself. Maybe not both of you, but one of you for sure avoids sex or sex talk. It almost becomes natural.All of this then builds…PressureThe topic of sex becomes the “elephant in the room.” What’s wrong with us? Why don’t we want to have sex? It’s definitely on your mind, even if you’re not talking about it.This all increases the pressure, so if you do have a sexual encounter, there is enormous pressure on it to be “successful.”And if it isn’t, you’re back to disappointment. Round and round…How Do You Break the Cycle?First, adjust your expectations so that there is no disappointment. No matter what happens, there is no “failure.”Then, keep communication open and honest to make sure there is no avoidance of the topic of sex.Finally, the pressure to perform is relieved when you approach every experience as a gift you share with your partner. And realize that nothing specific has to happen, which helps adjust your expectations, so there is no disappointment…And the cycle is broken.Listener QuestionsNew to the show, I respond to a listener’s questions about difficulties in his relationship.Jessa’s book, Sex Without Stress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FQKTLLN/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/
The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is far more common than many would believe, and I talk about this situation, what causes it and perpetuates its continuance.I also answer the first of my listener questions during this “Soapbox” episode where I get to help you understand this important topic.The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is pretty much the basis for my new book, Sex Without Stress, and today I try to answer some important questions people commonly have about it.Firstly, what is the cycle? And what are all the things that play into it? How do people get trapped into the cycle and why does it make sense that you may be stuck too?And most importantly, how do you get out?You Are Not AloneThis cycle is very common, I see it all the time in my practice. It starts with some sort of disappointment around a sexual experience, often leading to avoidance, which can put undue stress and pressure on the sexual piece of a relationship, which can be disappointing…and you can see where this is going.Sex Gets HardIt’s normal to have trouble with sex. Things come up. Physical issues like sexual dysfunction, illness or disease, or changes in physical functioning as we age.We all experience challenges within our relationships too. The dynamics change, there are communication or conflict issues, we grow and change as people, and our desires around sex shift as well.Then there’s the general busyness of life and things that happen as we get older.DisappointmentThis is generally the first step towards a lap around the Sexual Avoidance Cycle. There is some negative experience with sex and if it happens on a regular basis, it can make it feel risky to even have sex.It’s like a test, but you’re not sure how you’re going to do. Are you going to pass? Or fail? Sex isn’t a test, but this is how people often feel and it can be extremely stressful.It creates a perpetual increase in anxiety around sex which will often lead to…AvoidanceYou find yourself, or maybe your partner, avoiding conversations about sex. And even avoiding the act itself. Maybe not both of you, but one of you for sure avoids sex or sex talk. It almost becomes natural.All of this then builds…PressureThe topic of sex becomes the “elephant in the room.” What’s wrong with us? Why don’t we want to have sex? It’s definitely on your mind, even if you’re not talking about it.This all increases the pressure, so if you do have a sexual encounter, there is enormous pressure on it to be “successful.”And if it isn’t, you’re back to disappointment. Round and round…How Do You Break the Cycle?First, adjust your expectations so that there is no disappointment. No matter what happens, there is no “failure.”Then, keep communication open and honest to make sure there is no avoidance of the topic of sex.Finally, the pressure to perform is relieved when you approach every experience as a gift you share with your partner. And realize that nothing specific has to happen, which helps adjust your expectations, so there is no disappointment…And the cycle is broken.Listener QuestionsNew to the show, I respond to a listener’s questions about difficulties in his relationship.Jessa’s book, Sex Without Stress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FQKTLLN/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/
The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is far more common than many would believe, and I talk about this situation, what causes it and perpetuates its continuance. I also answer the first of my listener questions during this “Soapbox” episode where I get to help you understand this important topic. The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is pretty much the basis for my new book, Sex Without Stress, and today I try to answer some important questions people commonly have about it. Firstly, what is the cycle? And what are all the things that play into it? How do people get trapped into the cycle and why does it make sense that you may be stuck too? And most importantly, how do you get out? You Are Not Alone This cycle is very common, I see it all the time in my practice. It starts with some sort of disappointment around a sexual experience, often leading to avoidance, which can put undue stress and pressure on the sexual piece of a relationship, which can be disappointing…and you can see where this is going. Sex Gets Hard It's normal to have trouble with sex. Things come up. Physical issues like sexual dysfunction, illness or disease, or changes in physical functioning as we age. We all experience challenges within our relationships too. The dynamics change, there are communication or conflict issues, we grow and change as people, and our desires around sex shift as well. Then there's the general busyness of life and things that happen as we get older. Disappointment This is generally the first step towards a lap around the Sexual Avoidance Cycle. There is some negative experience with sex and if it happens on a regular basis, it can make it feel risky to even have sex. It's like a test, but you're not sure how you're going to do. Are you going to pass? Or fail? Sex isn't a test, but this is how people often feel and it can be extremely stressful. It creates a perpetual increase in anxiety around sex which will often lead to… Avoidance You find yourself, or maybe your partner, avoiding conversations about sex. And even avoiding the act itself. Maybe not both of you, but one of you for sure avoids sex or sex talk. It almost becomes natural. All of this then builds… Pressure The topic of sex becomes the “elephant in the room.” What's wrong with us? Why don't we want to have sex? It's definitely on your mind, even if you're not talking about it. This all increases the pressure, so if you do have a sexual encounter, there is enormous pressure on it to be “successful.” And if it isn't, you're back to disappointment. Round and round… How Do You Break the Cycle? First, adjust your expectations so that there is no disappointment. No matter what happens, there is no “failure.” Then, keep communication open and honest to make sure there is no avoidance of the topic of sex. Finally, the pressure to perform is relieved when you approach every experience as a gift you share with your partner. And realize that nothing specific has to happen, which helps adjust your expectations, so there is no disappointment… And the cycle is broken. Listener Questions New to the show, I respond to a listener's questions about difficulties in his relationship. Jessa's book, Sex Without Stress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FQKTLLN/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
Super Power U: Mental Models and Tactical Skills To Activate Your Inner Superhero
How we experience sex in our relationships is so critical to enjoyment and fulfillment in life. Special guest Jessa Zimmerman, Licensed Therapist and Sex Counselor, podcast host and media personality, is making her mark on the world by helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy. She specializes in helping, educating and coaching individuals and couples using her nine-phase experiential process, that allows them real-world results in changing their relationship and sex life. Based in Seattle, Jessica offers both in office and online counseling and coaching sessions. Today, she talks with Lisa about relationship patterns that overlap with sex, her own expert definition of a healthy sex life, her upcoming book Sex Without Stress, balancing communion with autonomy, and her Better Sex podcast which covers a diverse array of topics from different perspectives in an open and non-judgmental way. “Your challenges are your challenges, whether it’s showing up in the bedroom, or showing up in the kitchen.” Mentioned in This Episode: Jessica Zimmerman How Healthy is Your Sex Life? Quiz Super U Resources: Super Power U Facebook Page Feedback and show ideas to hey@lisabl.com Lisa Betts-LaCroix on Twitter — @LisaBL Super Power U Podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play LisaBL.com
In Jessa Zimmerman's interview we discuss: How Jessa came to be a sex therapist Sex therapy as grief and loss work Differences in sexual desire and how it can affect a relationship and what couples can do to work through that discrepancy How the difference in sexual desire should not be taken personally by the person who wants sex more often The importance of determining the reasons the lower desire partner has for not wanting sex, and how to address those issues The work that the higher desire partner has to do Two ways of having sexual desire: proactive and reactive Being open to sexual experiences that don't necessarily lead to sex Bringing the spark back to long term relationships Exploring our own eroticism as a way of bringing sexy back What working with a sex therapist looks like Who should consider going to sex therapy, and who shouldn't Jessa's online course and book For show notes and a link to Jessa's free 'How Healthy is Your Sex Life?" Quiz visit www.themodernmomsociety.com/episode37 Jessa Zimmeman is a licensed sex therapist and couples' counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it's become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. Jessa educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life. She does this work through in person therapy in her office in Seattle, online therapy for Washington residents, her Better Sex podcast, and soon to be published book, Sex Without Stress.
This week on the podcast, I interview Jessa Zimmerman, a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor. Jessa specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. We had a great chat about whether or not an unfulfilling sex life is reason enough to end a marriage, and how to jumpstart it without it being too fucking awkward. We also talk about mis-matched libidos, the sexual avoidance cycle, porn and so much more! Needless to say, it’s a juicy one! ******************** About Jessa: Jessa is a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. Jessa educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life. She does this work through in person therapy in her office in Seattle, online therapy for Washington residents, her Better Sex podcast, and her soon to be published book, Sex Without Stress. www.jessazimmerman.com www.bettersexpodcast.com www.sexhealthquiz.com Facebook group: www.seattlecouplescounselor.com/community Mentioned in this episode: David Schnarch – Passionate Marriage Esther Perel – Mating in Captivity