Podcasts about jessa zimmerman

What if the real problem isn't the body, but the mind? Dive deep into the often-taboo world of sex therapy and discover how to dismantle the anxiety surrounding erectile dysfunction.Join me and Jessa Zimmerman as we unveils the secrets to reconnecting with your partner, breaking free from suffocating expectations, and rediscovering pleasure beyond the bedroom. This isn't just a podcast; it's a revolution in how you understand and experience intimacy.Prepare to have your perceptions challenged and your relationships transformed. Don't just listen, experience the shift.--------------About Jessa ZimmermanJessa Zimmerman helps couples with sex problems. She is a sex expert. Many couples have different sex drives, and this can cause stress. Jessa knows how worry and feeling distant can hurt a relationship's sex life. She has helped many couples.Her program, "Intimacy With Ease," helps couples talk and make changes. It is more than just talking about problems. She gives clear steps to help couples think differently. She helps them have good talks and make real changes. She teaches couples the truth about sex. She helps them feel less pressure. This helps them enjoy sex more. Jessa helps couples have a happy and easy sex life, now and later.To learn more about her therapy, coaching, and online courses that help couples redefine intimacy and overcome challenges, visit intimacywithease.com.--------------If you liked this episode, please SUBSCRIBE, like, leave a comment, and share so we can keep bringing you valuable content that gets results!--------------Follow Me On:InstagramTwitterFacebookTikTokYouTube--------------For all links and resources mentioned on the show and where to subscribe to the podcast, please visit https://sexualhealthformenpodcast.com/sex-therapy-intimacy-erectile-dysfunction-tips--------------Ready to empower your health journey? Secure your FREE PDF copy of the “5 Natural Solutions to Overcome ED” today! Dive into knowledge that could transform your life. Click the link below to claim your copy

I used to think the word erotic was associated with unsavory things like X-rated films, Las Vegas billboards, or sites are not supposed to visit online. But the more I've done this work with myself and in my marriage and with other couples, the more I've come to love eroticism. The root word for erotic is the Greek word eros, which literally means desire.  Plato, a Greek philosopher, taught that eros is more than just sexual desire; it's the life force, passionate power that drives individuals to pursue beauty wisdom and even the divine. When you live with this eros feeling, it invites you to yearn for something beyond yourself, close gaps, seek intimacy, and to reach a higher, more spiritual level of love. Sexual eroticism then are those things that give your intimate moments in your marriage, meaning yearning for closeness and ultimately makes your marriage fill alive and growing and to have love worth making.  By that definition. It's no wonder that red light districts X-rated films and brothels are actually anti-erotic, because when you think of it, those aren't full of that life force. They are full of misery and loneliness instead.   Anyway, I've come to appreciate that every person has things that they find erotic. What we find sexually exciting is as unique as our fingerprints. In this episode, I'm joined by sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman. And this episode, we'll talk about what eroticism is, why erotic fantasies are important, and how to work through the challenges that couples face in sharing and negotiating sexual fantasies. We'll also discuss tips for building a stronger marriage through your God-given eroticism.   News and Resources Our first annual "Get-it-on-athon" is in full swing! Learn more about how to support a worthy couple's fertility journey as you come closer as a couple! Reserve your spot at our next Couples Retreat in March 2025 (prices go up in 2025) Are you struggling with how to explore your eroticism? Our new and improved Sexploration List can help! Rank your own preferences and desires in 13 different areas and explore and talk about those things together. You'll discover where your desires intersect and maybe get some ideas you both like, but have never thought of! Intimately Us app - for couples who want to spice up their marriage, get new ideas, and learn how to love each other better.   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

When one partner wants more sex than the other, things can get difficult for couples. Certified Sex Therapist and author Jessa Zimmerman joins us to talk about how to navigate desire discrepancy, and bring pleasure back to the relationship. Even if it's been ages since your last sexual encounter, there is hope!

This week in The Labia Lounge I interviewed Jessa Zimmerman, a specialist in helping couples who have different levels of desire in long term relationships.Jessa and I talk about desire discrepancy and how to overcome the challenges this can pose for a couple, the things that both partners often do that make it worse, and what to do when you're desire levels inevitably change to be different from one another. We tackle this most common of questions that couples counsellors and sex therapists get a LOT: "What do I do when my partner has a higher/lower libido than me?"Plus you can expect all the usual antics and hilarious, vulnerable n' relatable personal stories and signature segments that you've come to know and love here in The Labia Lounge!Make sure you're subscribed for more LL action, and it'd absolutely warm my heart and tickle my clit if you'd leave a gushing review or five star rating for the poddy!*** Join my Labia Lounge Facebook group for extra content, Q & As, freebies from my guests, discounts and to be part of a rad and supportive community of labial legends! www.facebook.com/groups/thelabialounge/Get my FREE mini-course P*ssy Pleasure Secrets - Your Roadmap to Bedroom Bliss here: https://freya-graf.xperiencify.io/expiring-mini-course/order/Grab a P*ssy Magnet and check out the new Labia Lounge MERCH over here (there's even fanny packs if the standard tote bags and tees ain't cuttin' it for ya!): https://www.freyagraf.com/productsonline-trainingsAnd chuck me a follow here: https://www.instagram.com/freyagraf_thelabialounge/AND here: (my backup account cos I keep offending the Algorithms-that-be) https://www.instagram.com/freya.graf/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@freyagraf?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pcAnd on my YouTube channel here: https://youtu.be/LtyN8BQg-zkOr support me and the poddy by buying me an extra hot soy chai latte (yes, that is my coffee order cos I'm a bit of a tosser like that) here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/freyagrafOr at my Patreon here: https://patreon.com/freyagraf?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of the "Stronger Marriage Connection" podcast, hosts Dave Schramm and Liz Hale are joined by certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman. They delve into common sexual issues faced by couples, focusing on sexual desire discrepancies and strategies for maintaining a strong marital connection. Jessa provides invaluable insights into reactive and proactive desires, the sexual avoidance cycle, and the impacts of pressure and expectations on sexual intimacy. About Jessa Zimmerman: Jessa Zimmerman is a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Sheworks in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of her therapy career, she has focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy. In her years of clinical experience, Zimmerman has treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. Her clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy. She specializes in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 pillar experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate. Zimmerman received her Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University andSex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors,and Therapists (AASECT). She has done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus onCrucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch. She is the author of Sex Without Stress; A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure. She is the host of the Better Sex Podcast and has appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. She is the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and founder of The Desire Spa, an online course for women with little to no libido. She is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Marriage.com, Business Insider, and Mind Body Green. She lives in Seattle with her partner. Insights: Jessa: One cannot fail in sex if they shift their mindset to view it simply as a source of pleasure and connection, without attaching to specific outcomes. By embracing this approach, sexual experiences can become easy and enjoyable, even if they differ from previous expectations or desires. The key lies in accepting and adapting to these differences, which opens limitless possibilities for enjoyment and satisfaction. Dave: Moods for sexual activity evolve over time, there is a contrast between the constant readiness (proactive mood) in early stages of relationships with the need to actively engage or transition into feeling ready (reactive mood) as time progresses. If couples only engaged in sex when both partners were spontaneously in the mood, they might seldom have sex. Love the concepts of reactive and proactive desire, and engaging physically can lead to a physiological response where the body releases dopamine and serotonin, aligning physical readiness with emotional desire. Liz: Sex is like going to a playground, we don't know how long we're going to stay. We're not sure what we're going to enjoy once we get there. But we are going to enjoy it. It's not about the outcome or the goal. Jessa Zimmerman Links: https://intimacywithease.com Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife Dr. Dave Schramm: https://drdaveschramm.com https://drdavespeaks.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642 Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

In this episode, we're talking about intimacy, pleasure and connection with sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman. Jessa and I have a fun, lively conversation about a topic that many couples struggle with, especially in the context of long-term relationships, even for couples who are otherwise in a good place.We talk about the common misconceptions about sex, as well as how body image, weight issues, fertility, and changes that naturally come with aging can affect sexual intimacy.Jessa also shares what couples will learn in her "Intimacy with Ease" course and introduces her Touchy Feely™ Cards, a fun game to help couples explore physical intimacy and sensual touch.Take the quiz and enter to win a deck of Touchy Feely Cards.FROM THIS EPISODE:Visit www.intimacywithease.com for Jessa's free masterclass, book, podcast, and Touchy Feely Cards.Take the quiz and enter to  win a set of Touchy Feely Cards.RESOURCES:Order Amy's book Thoughts Are Habits Too: Master Your Triggers, Free Yourself From Diet Culture, and Rediscover Joyful Eating.Join our private Facebook group, Moxie Club MeetupTo order, go to thoughtsarehabitstoo.com

Intimacy in Midlife....Hmm. If I am not wrong, you are either SUPER excited about this subject or like, Ugh. Really Cam and Amelia? Sex and intimacy can be a hot-button topic not matter what your age, but it can be extra challenging in midlife. But, Jessa brings a fresh, frank perspective that makes this subject less daunting...and less embarrassing.We hope you'll give this a listen and let us know what you think.Connect with Jessa Zimmerman, Certified Sex Therapist On Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/intimacywithease/Website:www.intimacywithease.comFree resources: https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com/pl/2147554402New mini book about desire discrepancy:https://www.intimacywithease.com/desirebook  00:02:06 Sex therapist overcomes personal struggles, inspires career.00:05:56 Struggles at any age. Age-related challenges.00:09:17 "Sex can be fulfilling like church"00:12:59 Struggles with desire can worsen over time.00:14:14 Steps to healthy communication with your partner.00:19:12 Openness in parenting, discussing nudity and periods00:23:35 Sexuality curriculum for adults: fun and effective.00:26:11 "Enhance pleasure by communicating with partners better."00:30:10 Painful sex is common, especially for women.00:31:28 Life changes, reinvent, intimacy made easy. Website resources.Sign up here!https://www.camoyler.com/fitnessWhen menopause hit, my go-to fitness plan came to a screeching halt!Hey, it's Cam, and if you're experiencing slow recovery, endless exhaustion, and no results despite exercising, I have FREE 5-day Menopause Fitness Challenge designed for YOU. After this challenge, you'll feel energized & rejuvenated and know EXACTLY what to do and when to do it.Stay Connected!Amelia Website: https://www.thehelpfulplate.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/thehelpfulplate/ Cam Website: https://www.camoyler.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/heymomma_cam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@heymomma_cam Midlife Mommas IG: https://www.instagram.com/midlife.mommas/ Please share, rate, and review the podcast. We appreciate you! ❤️

How can we make sex feel less like a chore? How can we deal with different levels of sexual desire in our relationship? How can we bring our sexual desires back? How can we talk about sex? What is the sexual avoidance cycle? What are some tips for having a healthy sexual relationship?Find out the answers to these questions and more on another Love From The Hyp, as Certified Sex Therapist, Jessa Zimmerman joins us to share all of her wisdom! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How can we make sex feel less like a chore? How can we deal with different levels of sexual desire in our relationship? How can we bring our sexual desires back? How can we talk about sex? What is the sexual avoidance cycle? What are some tips for having a healthy sexual relationship? Find out the answers to these questions and more on another Love From The Hyp, as Certified Sex Therapist, Jessa Zimmerman joins us to share all of her wisdom!

This week I sat down with sex therapist by day and busy online coach Jessa Zimmerman who is currently creating a whole new life as the founder of the Leveraged Expert Academy, a coaching program that walks other professionals through every step of creating and selling their own online course.Along with her own journey from stay-at-home mom to a successful career helping others thrive, Jessa shares the struggles and real truth around the death of intimacy, and what, as parents, we can do to cultivate healthy relationships. Jessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist and couples counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it's become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 Pillar Experiential Process that allows them real-world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate.She is the author of Sex Without Stress, the host of the Better Sex Podcast, the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Business Insider, Mind Body Green, and Marriage.com.If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @pamgodboiscoaching and @leveragedexpertLINKS:Jessa's Website: https://www.intimacywithease.comJessa's FREE Masterclass:  https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclassJessa's Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/passiveincomeforserviceprofessionalsCONNECT WITH PAM: Free Facebook Group For Moms: The Messy Truth: Moms on the Path of RediscoveryConnect with me:  Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok. If you're like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!!  https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. Be sure to tune in next week.

Certified sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman, is  in private practice in Seattle where she helps couples who struggle with sex and intimacy. She is also the founder of the Desire Spa, an online program for women in otherwise happy relationships who struggle with lack of sexual desire.Todays topic is helping women want sex again!!! Why don't they want to have sex? What are some ideas to help foster it? 

How can you want sex again once it's become difficult, stressful, anxiety producing, and disappointing? Today's guest has all the answers. Jessa Zimmerman is a certified sex therapist with a private practice in Seattle. She works with couples to take the stress out of sex and navigate desire discrepancy. Jessa founded Intimacy with Ease, and created an online course for women with little to no desire to help them actually want sex again. She is the author of Sex Without Stress; a couple's guide to overcome disappointment, avoidance, and pressure, and the host of the Better Sex podcast. Connect with your host, Brittany Lynch @thestepqueen Connect special guest Jessa Zimmerman via email info@intimacywithease.com, cruise her website at www.intimacywithease.com, or connect with her on IG @intimacywithease This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy

A Journey Through Miscarriage This episode talks about a very sensitive topic – miscarriage. Losing a baby is heartbreaking, no matter when it happens, and Jessica bravely shares her experience when she and her husband lost their baby. She reveals how she healed – physically, mentally, and emotionally – what moms who suffered the same should know about their options when going through this, and how the experience impacted her relationship with her husband. Women have options When you suffer a miscarriage, you would be going through a traumatic loss, but life goes on. You should try and take care of yourself by sticking to a regular sleep schedule, eating well, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Jessica also underscores the fact that women should know the options that each person can take to navigate the process in a way that's best for them and to honor that process of grieving that needs to happen. The journey after a miscarriage Pregnancy loss is only the beginning. What your mind and body will have to go through are completely different journeys unique to every mother. Jessica's body did not know that it stopped the development of the baby for a couple weeks already until they went for what's supposed to be just routine checkup. Jessica shares what they did to help her body resolve the miscarriage and start the process of healing. Impact of the experience on intimacy? Jessica shares that the bitter and painful experience brought her and her husband so much closer. There was bickering as they were both grieving but she said they just kept coming back and remembering that they are on each other's team and were in it together. They took a few days off apart from each other and the space allowed them to reflect and integrate the process. Time to heal and grieve Time is often the best healer. After a pregnancy loss, the body needs time to get back to normal and so does your mind and emotional health. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process and spend time to stop and acknowledge the loss. Jessica bravely shared her journey because as she felt the surge of grief from other people, she also felt that these very same people might have losses of their own that are left ungrieved. You are not alone Amidst the feeling of guilt, anger, shock, sadness and sense of failure, Jessica emphasizes that no one should feel alone during the process. As Jessica put it, we can ask for help and we can be out loud about what we are quietly shouldering in this journey. We should talk more about the whole fertility process – not just in trying to conceive but also about being parents. We should try to bring discussions about this to the foreground rather than in the background, so we don't have to do it alone. More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/218-personal-story-a-journey-through-miscarriage-jessicaMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

“Conflict Coach” Rich Heller enlightens us on resentment, anger, and other negativities that couples can get into that can get in the way of their sex life. If you or your partner is buried in resentment, this episode will help you get on the same team again and work on your sex life. How do people get buried in years of negative feelings? In the beginning of a relationship, there is often a honeymoon stage where everything seems perfect, and you are deeply in love with each other. At some point, this stage ends. Not that you stop loving each other, but reality hits and suddenly you are not the center of each other's universe. It becomes clear you are not with the fantasy partner you may have imagined. All the little unresolved resentments and feelings about different expectations can build over time, creating a structure of resentment and even hostility. It's also possible one partner is doing harmful stuff to the other that just can't be overlooked. When anger gets in the way of intimacy Firstly, check if there is something in your past that was triggered that made you angry. Writing it in a journal helps so you can eventually share it with your partner. Since anger is most likely a mechanism to feel powerful when one cannot express their more vulnerable, underlying emotions, it is crucial for partners on the other end of angry expressions to understand what emotions and factors are driving the anger. Expressing differences freely is important to a more positive outcome. What about make up sex? Some couples say they have sex when mad because it is a way of reconnecting and resolving their issues. Very often, sex is a way to release anger. But the more this dynamic builds up and the more the fighting becomes regular, then the angry sex is going to stop too. Yes, sex can be a release or a form of connecting, but over time, if what's behind it isn't dealt with, even that's going to drop out. Forgiveness and moving on How do you forgive and forget about the past? We need to see our partners wrestle with remorse and accountability in order to move forward. That's where healing would come from. You need to know why they did what they did and what to look out for in the future so you can both talk about it as it's coming up – before it happens again. You need to understand the why to figure out how to heal and grow and make the relationship better. Biography: Rich Heller MSW, CPC, ELI MP Rich is a “Conflict Coach” who works with people engaged in high levels of conflict so that they can create cooperation out of conflict. He works with individuals and couples, focusing on how they can have a relationship that works with minimum friction and maximum support for their children. Additionally Rich helps organizations and businesses transform destructive conflict into a vehicle for change and innovation. He went to Vassar College for his BA, Hunter School of Social Work for his MA, trained in mediation with the Centre for Understanding in Conflict, and trained in Parent Coordination through the AFCC. He is a Certified Professional Coach, and an ELI Master Practitioner.   No stranger to conflict, Rich Heller grew up in NYC, is a child of divorce, has been divorced, and successfully remarried. He and his partner Katherine have been married for over 20 years and launched six children into the world.  Resources and links: Website: https://richinrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/richinrelationship/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/richinrelationship/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVj35RVXHgu-4irxB0_5ukQ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/rich-in-relationship/ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/richinrelationship/_created/ More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/217-overcoming-anger-and-resentment-rich-hellerMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Co-Creating a Sex Life Over Time What does it really take to make a sex life last? How do archetypes about sex, expectations, and love capacities all come together to be a starting point for you and your partner to have conversations and do things differently to co-create a lasting relationship and sex life? Psychotherapist Dr Chelsea Wakefield explains how to co-create a sex life that you can be excited about for the rest of your life, and how you can build soulful relationships that endure challenges and changes. Sexuality and long-term relationships Couples in long-term relationships commonly struggle with sexuality at some point and begin to have questions about what can be done to help the relationship move forward to maintain a meaningful connection during the arc of the relationship. What are the elements that can make a relationship and sex life thrive over time? Prioritize personal development Sexuality should be a priority for couples. Some questions that may be asked before committing to co-creating a sex life: Why would you want to engage in co-creating a sexual relationship? What would it bring in your life? Co-creating a sexual relationship encompasses so many dimensions of relationship including knowing one's self and defining one's self as a sexual being. It takes a lot of personal development in each of the parties, otherwise it will not thrive. You don't change your partner but rather, both need to work on themselves in order to co-create a dynamic sex life. Communication is key Sex is far from being a natural process. Communication is key to making it last. And communication is not just about talking and saying what you want but knowing who in you is talking and being able to do the necessary shifts. How do I get in touch with my sensual self? How do I access my playful self? How do I shift out of “responsible mother self” to “responsible lover” or “playmate”? How can I and my partner get there together? Labyrinth of Love In her latest book Labyrinth of Love, Dr Wakefield talks about love capacities that can be applied to any aspect of a relationship, including sexuality. Learn about commitment, courage, curiosity, communication, compassion, and creativity and how these affect the success of a relationship. Teamwork Self-awareness is crucial in making a relationship thrive. But at the end of the day, it's teamwork that will make it happen. Once you discover your own history, anxieties, trauma, etc., you share that with your partner and work together as a sexual team and make it a journey of mutual growth. When couples are distressed about the limits of what they've tried and feel stuck, know that these roadblocks may not just simply go away but can be transcended by personal growth. Make co-creation of your sexual relationship worth it and something that both of you want to engage in. Step out of the box and encounter each other anew to open the possibility that the other person can engage in the process. Biography: Dr. Chelsea Wakefield is Director of the Couples Centre for University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences.  She is a psychotherapist, educator, conference facilitator, public speaker, and author.  Dr. Wakefield has written 3 books: – Labyrinth of Love – Negotiating the Inner Peace Treaty – In Search of Aphrodite: Women, Archetypes and Sex Therapy She is also creator/facilitator of the Luminous Women Weekend Dr. Wakefield believes: The time we invest in healing wounds of the past, rewriting limiting life scripts, and becoming more consciously aware helps us to make more responsible, respectful choices in life.  It determines the quality of our relationships. Our level of consciousness and presence benefits everyone around us, life partners, friends, co-workers, community and ultimately our world.  Resources and links: Website: http://chelseawakefield.org/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChelseaWakefieldPhD Twitter: @LuminousWoman More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/216-co-creating-a-sex-life-over-time-chelsea-wakefieldMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

The World of Sex Toys Sex educator, Searah Deysach, takes us to the fun and playful world of sex toys. Founder and owner of Early to Bed, Chicago's first woman-owned sex shop that sells high-quality sex toys, Searah shares her expertise on the different kinds of sex toys and why people use them. For people in a relationship, learn how to talk to your partner about it, how to use it as a couple and how to introduce it to your sexual play. Haven't tried using a sex toy? Have a listen to know how it could be beneficial and fun! Why do sex toys exist and why do people seek them out? On the most basic level, sex items exist to enhance people's sex lives. To some people, they may have more therapeutic uses, or tools to solve a certain problem. But for a lot of people, sex toys are used to make sex more fun. Interestingly, the word sex toy has gotten a bad rap all of a sudden, so instead, for marketing purposes, people are calling it a “wellness item” instead of a vibrator. Calling them a different name does not really change anything, but if calling it a wellness item gets it into someone's hand, then it's great. The more people see it as part of a healthy sex life, the better it is for everybody. What is a good entry point for people who want to own their first sex toy? There is still a lot of stigma surrounding these products, but there are a lot of sex toys that are discreet that you can easily take with you. Vibrators are always a good entry point. They are versatile and do not interrupt a person's sex life. Getting the first toy can be intimidating, so whether you plan to buy in store or online, do not hesitate to ask questions. Making an informed choice before you start gives you the best chance of making the toy work for you. When in a relationship, how do you bring it up to your partner? Talking about sex is one of the hardest conversations people have, but it can also be one of the most vital to having good sex. If you want to bring a sex toy in a relationship, do not frame it as a problem solver. If you want more sensation or more orgasm, make it sound more fun as opposed to not having good enough sex with your partner. Finding toys geared towards couples can also be helpful. As with almost anything, communication is key. Do men find sex toys emasculating? Men are burdened with the thought that they're supposed to give their partners pleasure and that using a sex toy is somehow emasculating. It is not emasculating to get help from toys. What's worse and actually a disservice to partners is having to fake orgasms just to make the partner feel good about themselves. In the end, we are all responsible for our own pleasure, and we enlist our partner with that. Using toys to elevate the experience and make us all happy should be fully embraced. Biography: Searah Deysach is a sex educator and the owner of Early to Bed and FtM Essentials. In addition to running her retail store and websites, she lectures to community groups and colleges around the country on topics relating to masturbation, sex toys and positive sexuality. She is committed to working to create a culture where everyone has access to honest information about sexuality and all folks have access to the services they need to protect their reproductive rights. Searah is a proud member of Chicago's LGBTQ+ community and has been featured in numerous outlets including New York Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Washington Post, Shape, Women's Health, Playgirl, Glamour and many, many more. Resources and links: Website: https://www.early2bed.com/ Instagram: @early2bed More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/215-the-wonderful-world-of-sex-toys-searah-deysachMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Edward Willey talks about his seemingly two separate interests and pursuits – rope play and self-leadership – and his ingenious idea of combining them together to develop and practice. How do rope play and self-leadership intersect? How it started Prompted by his partner's brilliant idea, Edward Willey started to introduce some movements and meditation practices he used in self-leadership training into his rope play sessions. He quickly realized that people started to learn rope tying techniques but, more importantly, the connection between partners greatly increased. Since then, each session became more about how to stay deeply connected to the partner and less about the technical side of learning how to do each fancy knot. “The knot that binds together” In rope plays, there are two Japanese terms often used: “Shibari,” which means to tie; and “Kinbaku,” which means “to bind tightly.” But more importantly, the word “Misubi,” which means “the knot that binds together” or the thread that ties all of creations together. The true focus of rope play is on the connection that happens between you and your partner, allowing true intimacy and connection to develop. Before getting caught up with the techniques of rope tying, create a foundation of relaxation and confidence with your partner. Make the experience between you and the partner as opposed to you and the rope. How does exploring rope play and leadership make you a better leader and lover? Being able to stay present and relaxed and confident can make your partner feel a lot safer in the bedroom, and it can develop intimacy and more trust between the two of you. If they feel safer, more respected, and more heard, they are more likely to follow the guidance you're bringing. The same thing applies to leadership. If you can approach your leadership with a relaxed body that's strong, vibrant, and healthy, with an open heart that's full of love and connection, people will naturally follow you. The rope is just a tool to develop deep connection and intimacy in order to create a container of safety for your partner. Is self-leadership different when you're the one being bound? The person trying has more responsibility to take care of the safety of the other, but the person being tied up also has responsibility to be able to speak up if something doesn't feel right or have questions or concerns. It's a co-creation and it's important to speak up. To be able to relax your body is also very important because being tied up can bring up fear and vulnerability. Keeping the mind calm for when it starts to spin up and feel panicky is the same training you give in self-leadership. Resources and links: Websites: https://www.knot-love.com/ https://www.willeyleadership.com/ More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/214-self-leadership-and-erotic-rope-play-edward-willeyMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Many parents find normal sex behavior and development confusing. Parents often wonder if their child's sexual behavior is normal. Certified sex therapist Dr. Tina Sellers talks about parenting and sexual health and give parents a better understanding of “what to expect and when” in terms of their child's sexual development. Resources for Shameless parenting In her newest book, Dr. Tina's goal is to help parents or caregivers foster healthy sexual choices and attitudes in their children. She believes comprehensive sex education is the best way to protect children when they get involved with sex later, to make safe sexual choices, to lower teen pregnancy rate, to lower STI rates, etc. The book was made to be a handout that doctors, teachers, parents, therapists, and other educators could easily use and refer to when dealing with sexual developments in young children. Moreover, since shame is one of the things that could get in the way for parents to become the best sex educator that they wanted to be, Dr. Tina also emphasizes ways to soothe the self and heal from that, along with streamlined resources and websites that could effectively help overcome that shame. Sexual Development in children It is critical for parents and caregivers to get a greater understanding around sexual development and behaviors in children. Dr. Tina's book was developed in hopes of creating a better understanding of these developments. It can be difficult to recognize that, like adults, children are sexual beings. Children will be curious about sex, sexuality, and the human body. The book can serve as cheat sheets for parents to get some general information on common and uncommon behaviors based on age groups. Parents can also find suggestions for conversations that parents can have with their children to help encourage healthy sexual development. Normalizing sexual behaviors Healing comes from knowing that there are sexual behaviors that are normal in children and that shame was never an appropriate feeling. Kids will do what kids will do from harmless curiosity. The evolving sexuality that we have is always beautiful and creative, and the fact that the society that we live in has just never gotten it right is tragic. Wrong notions and misinformation can crush a child's developing sexuality and can get traumatized with profound effects. Managing reactivity for parents It is important to ask your kids questions and listen very carefully to what they have to say about what's going on in their world. It can be scary for parents to get sort of a bird's eye view of what the world is like for their kids but not knowing will not be helpful either. Parents need to learn to manage reactivity within themselves. Joining a parents' group where you can start talking to each other about what it is like for you or just having a place to talk through your own reactivity and your own fear can be helpful. Know that your kids need your calm presence and just knowing that you got their back no matter what. Parents need to be conscious of their reactions because kids could easily pick it up as shaming or judging. Biography: Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD has had a distinguished career as a marriage and family therapist, medical family therapist, and certified sex therapist. She is also a professor, researcher, author, and speaker. She has won numerous awards and been featured on radio, TV, and podcasts. As the founder and Medical Director of the Northwest Institute on Intimacy, and the community group ThankGodForSex.org she speaks to audiences across the country about the difference sexual health and sexual health training can make for the individual and professional. Her award-winning book, Sex, God, and the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy reveals the devastation caused by sexual shame in the wake of the purity and abstinence-only movements and reveals the path to healing for both clinician and client. When not speaking and writing, you will find Tina delighting in her year-old granddaughter! Resources and links: www.tinaschermersellers.com www.instituteonintimacy.com www.4-DNetwork.com www.ThankGodForSex.org www.SheIsCalled.com Instagram: @drtinashameless Affiliate links to books: Sex, God, and the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy – https://amzn.to/2H2vTVV From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children – From Infancy to Middle School – https://amzn.to/2Ew4oCi More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/213-shameless-parenting-dr-tina-schermer-sellersMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Alicia Davon Juicing Up Your Sex Life A fun topic today. This one's about juicing up your relationship, enlivening it again. Or if you're single, preparing for when you are in a relationship. My guest is Alicia Davon. She and her husband have an organization that does training with people around increasing presence, awareness, communication, pleasure, and energy in people's sex lives. We talk about what that looks like, how people practice it, and what its first step might be. I think a lot of it really revolves around getting out of autopilot, which we can do when we're with the same person. We're busy with stuff and we can just sort of not pay attention and go through the motions. Or we could get really present and have a sense of newness. Even with a partner that we've been with for decades. What does “Juice” look like over time? Generally, Alicia feels that the chemistry and the passion decreases in a relationship by default, and everybody knows that, but not everybody knows what to do about it. Or even knows that something can be done about it outside of just becoming complacent, maybe complaining about it, or splitting up or having affairs. She thinks that there's a very natural wanting to have things be fun and turned on with our partners over time. But then the longer it goes without that – when certain forces come in, like longevity, or kids and growing up and more responsibilities – it can get harder and harder to reconnect. How to go about juicing it back up. Alicia believes there's a newness that can be brought into the relationship. When the novelty wears off, it's just not as exciting. But there's a lot of inherent chemistry in everybody's bodies. She has never in her 20 years of working with singles and couples found that somebody's body was the source of no passion or no chemistry. She says it's often a mindset thing. We get distracted with technology at our fingertips. Or distracted by work and solving problems and managing day-to-day stuff. And also, there are certain skills that are necessary that sort of come easily, or maybe even naturally when we're first in a relationship. So, the path, first of all, is presence into the relationship again. Sometimes we find we've been on autopilot for months and years and maybe decades. Bringing that presence could look like just simply like bringing awareness to the fact that we the couple would like more excitement in the relationship. Communication is key Alicia and her husband Erwan have daily practices that they teach their students. One of them is meditation, which is a great pathway to being in the present and noticing what's going on. Then there's what they call psychological inquiry, which is a way of connecting with your partner, sharing what's going on with you and going on in your heart and going on in your mind. A full spectrum Alicia and Erwan have touching practices that range from close non-sexual touching physical connection all the way down the spectrum to sexual touching and technique. She mentions the touching skills are important with couples that want to get back connected. Erwan and Alicia have a set of 12 touching practices that introduce skills like going really slowly, and certain communication skills. There's much more to this fascinating conversation, including how this concept could be utilized by singles as well. Alicia recommends carving out some time to practice and implement “juicing” into your sex life, it's well worth it! About Alicia Davon Over the past 25 years, Erwan and Alicia Davon have successfully taught over 12,000 singles and couples how to have exceptional relationships. Erwan and Alicia have become the go-to experts for those seeking a higher level of relationship support. Erwan is the founder, senior teacher and president of San Francisco based Erwan Davon Teachings. Together with Alicia, they specialize in supporting singles in getting into passionate and successful relationships, and helping couples take their relationships to new heights of romance and intimacy. Being based in the Bay Area, Erwan and Alicia provide a high-end boutique service that gives their clients an effective way to enhance their relationships. They also offer all their coaching and classes online and support students all over the world. Resources and links: Free Love Life Consultation: Text 415 308 9580 Web – https://erwandavon.com/consult/ Website: http://www.pleasurecourse.com More info: The Desire Spa – https://thedesirespa.com Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/211-juicing-up-your-sex-life-alicia-davonMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Colonization and Its Impact on Modern Sexuality We tend to think of colonization as something that happened and is over and is done, without realizing that it set up processes and expectations, beliefs, and systems of thought that we are still living with in this current day. This has created historical trauma that remains today. There is a legacy of shame and of limitations that came with settlers in North America. Anne Mauro has been studying this, and we talk about this whole concept of the sexuality that the settlers brought in and what this has come to mean for all of us. We discuss the ways in which it could be manifesting and limiting us, and how it is certainly impacting how people of color, women of color are treated still in this culture. What is settler sexuality? We know that when the settlers arrived in North America, some were coming for a better life and to avoid persecution for their own religious beliefs. And when they arrived, they had their own ideas of what sexuality was, and a lot of that was a belief that it was solely for procreation. But with indigenous people, they saw two spirit people, or a matrilineal model, instead of a patriarchal model. They saw homosexuality, and they saw indigenous people engaging in sexual play outside of marriage. They were completely appalled by this. Their idea of sexuality was no sex before marriage, you are property of your father until you're married, and then you are property of your husband. “We don't want you masturbating, or talking about menstruation, that is bad. You're not supposed to be nude. You're not supposed to have inordinate affection, or too much desire or affection.” Also, women are supposed to dress a certain way. They're supposed to be homemakers and don't work outside of the house. You're supposed to stay a virgin, not just for the religious reasons, but there was economic value in virginity if you were seen as pure. The shame came across with the settlers If you didn't fall within the settler sexuality model, you could be publicly shamed, whipped, or tortured. People were burned for masturbation and for homosexuality. They were shamed for anything that was falling outside of this model. If you got caught, you could get in trouble. When the settlers came, they brought with them their own historical sexual trauma. Still impacting today Anne believes that with the sexual script that's inherited in American sexuality, there is a maltreatment especially of women of color, but of people of color in general. This legacy of the settler sexuality construct has dramatic impacts today, leaving people feeling like there is something wrong with themselves if they don't fit into it, and very few people do. Biography: Anne Mauro is a Licensed Couples and Family therapist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator. She has earned her M.A from Antioch University Seattle (AUS) and a Doctorate of Human Sexuality from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her private practice, Mending Connections, in Tacoma, Washington, specializes in couples counseling and sex therapy. Anne serves as adjunct faculty at AUS, where she created and taught a course titled Colonization and Sex for the Sexuality Certificate Program. Additionally, Anne works in the Couples and Family Therapy program providing clinical supervision to graduate student interns. In partnership with a colleague, Anne is an American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) continuing education (CEU) provider. Through this venture, Anne co-created the Beyond Settler Sex Sexually Attitude Reassessment (SAR). Her first Routledge publication, More Than Ebony and Ivory: Complexities of sex therapy with interracial couples, can be found in An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy: Centering the lives of indigenous, racialized, and people of color. Anne is working on her second publication, The Colonization of Black Sexuality: A clinician's guide to relearning and healing. Anne has served on the AASECT Awards Committee since 2018 and the AASECT Ethics Committee since 2021. Anne is an active WOCSHN member and one of the original members included on the WOCSHN Membership Directory, the first of its kind directory featuring Black, Indigenous, women of color in the sexuality field. In service of the profession, Anne is a member of AASECT Awards Committee and AASECT Ethics Committee. Resources and links: Anti-Racist Psychotherapy: https://amzn.to/2YjFKRW Healing the Soul Wound: https://amzn.to/3A7Va8V My Grandmother's Hands: https://amzn.to/2ZNcVxO Website: https://www.mendingmyconnections.com/ Instagram: @annemauro.cst.cse More info: The Desire Spa – https://thedesirespa.com Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/210-colonization-and-its-impact-on-modern-sexuality-anne-mauroMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Court Vox Somatic sex educator and sex coach Court Vox helps his clients to find the ‘sweet spot' in their sex lives, and life in general. The sweet spot is a place that can be uncomfortable, but also exciting. This episode is all about pushing yourself to the limit, and calibrating the body in order to allow itself to reach the next level of experience. What is calibration? Calibration is developing an awareness of touch from the lowest point of sensation all the way to your threshold. It's finding that sweet spot, also called a yellow place, that can get you to the next level of pleasure. In life, it's always about going a little bit further than you otherwise would as our lives change. Is there value from being slightly outside of your comfort zone? Court elaborates how one can benefit from being in a yellow place, whether in sensation or actual pursuit of something that's not in the body. Being in a place that's a bit uncomfortable offers a lot of growth for people. If one is calibrating with a partner, then communication is key, because at the end of the day it's a very personal approach and all of us will have our own unique yellow spot. Is calibration better with a partner or solo? One can do both. Doing it with a partner can be valuable not just from a sensation perspective but from a communication perspective too. Beyond the Circuit Workshop Court Vox will hold a 3-day workshop in March 2022 with the intention to create new and alternative spaces for queer men. It is about finding a deeper sense of community not centered around drugs and alcohol and dark spaces. Aptly called Beyond the Circuit, it is a space where queer men can be vulnerable and be in a more intimate space. Biography: Court Vox provides personal guidance and expertise in the unique and often ignored areas of sex. Vox is a trained Sex and Intimacy Consultant, Surrogate Partner Intern and Sacred Intimate. His approach is personal and necessary. As the founder of his own practice, The Body Vox, he brings professional opportunities to his clients and teaches them to embrace their bodies, as well as the bodies of others. Vox is a sex educator who is experienced in working with clients of all sexualities and genders. He continues to collaborate with fellow sex educator Pamela Madsen for workshops around the country. Resources and links: Website: thebodyvox.com Instagram: @courtvox More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/209-right-outside-your-comfort-zone-court-voxMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Dr. Allyson Shrikhande, a rehabilitation doctor who specializes in pelvic rehabilitation medicine, gives us an in-depth discussion about endometriosis. What is endometriosis, the disorder affecting one out of ten women? How does it show up and what are the treatment options? What is endometriosis? Endometriosis is a disorder wherein cells that are similar to the cells lining the inside of the uterus (endometrium) grow outside of the uterus. These cells can settle basically anywhere in the body but most commonly in the pelvic cavity and can cause pain and infertility. How common is endometriosis? Depending on the study, one out of ten, or one out of nine women can have endometriosis. It is as common as breast cancer with a strong genetic predisposition. What are the symptoms of endometriosis? The challenge is that it is a silent disease, making it hard to diagnose. The way it presents itself is as a person being infertile and/or having pelvic pain. Pain during intercourse, tampon use and the like as well as GI problems (constipation, abdominal bloating, abdominal pain), and a UTI that will not go away are very common symptoms. Treatment options for endometriosis The major challenge in the medical community is that there is no proper diagnostic other than surgery right now. The gold standard for a proper diagnosis is laparoscopic surgery, then some pathology. Because of the complexity and systemic nature of endometriosis, Dr. Shrikhande also takes on a holistic approach to treatment, discussing additional things like nutrition and even medication with patients. Endometriosis awareness Dr. Shrikhande underlines the need for more research and studies to help in diagnosing endometriosis in its early stages. Unfortunately, it is a very complex disease with strong genetic disposition making it even harder to prevent. Awareness is key as there is still nothing conclusive as to what is causing endo. It's important that women are diagnosed in an efficient manner and have access to skilled medical and rehab providers who can help them with proficient treatment. Biography: Dr. Allyson Shrikhande, a board-certified Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation specialist, is the Chief Medical Officer of Pelvic Rehabilitation Medicine. She is also the Chair of the Medical Education Committee for the International Pelvic Pain Society. She is working with other experts in the field of chronic pelvic pain to develop training modules for residents and physicians interested in learning about the diagnosis, treatment, and management of chronic pelvic pain. A leading expert on pelvic health and a respected researcher, author and lecturer, Dr. Shrikhande is a recognized authority on male and female pelvic pain diagnosis and treatment. Resources and links: Website: pelvicrehabilitation.com Instagram: @pelvicrehabilitation, @doctor.allyson Twitter: @PelvicRehab More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Get daily conversation starters texted to your phone: Text “topics” to https://my.community.com/jessaatintimacywithease Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/208-endometriosis-dr-allyson-shrikhandeMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Hookup without Heartbreak Intimacy and relationship coach Lia Holmgren's new book, Hookup Without Heartbreak, teaches women to let go of negative feelings after casual hook ups/sex, as well as how to reclaim one's sexual freedom. Learn the do's and don'ts of casual sex, the history and science behind hooking up, and learn all you need to know before going on that next date. Casual sex: How do people deal with it? The main focus of this book is double standards – how casual sex can be widely accepted for men but seen as inappropriate for women. Hormones and neurobiology play a big part as to why women tend to feel more attached after having casual sex than men do. Lia also looks into the role of religion, education, and upbringing to explain why women feel a certain way and why women have so much shame and fear around casual sex. The do's and don'ts in casual sex Lia's book has 24 tips for women who have caught feelings and then had their hearts broken after casual hookups. These include ways to get over the person, how to deal with hookups who ghost afterwards, how to be safe on dates and how to not feel shame afterwards. The book also talks about how to appreciate the experience and how to have casual sex without any expectations. How do you discern whether you have the right reasons to hookup? It's important for a person to know their intentions before engaging in a casual hookup. Is it a want for sex or a need for intimacy and closeness? Honesty and clear communication with one's partner is key, as well as being honest with oneself. Key takeaways The book aims to teach women that it's okay to have casual sex for sex, without the shame and guilt. It's important for men to be more understanding and honest after casual sex. Honesty and clear communication is important for both sides. Biography:  Lia Holmgren has been an intimacy and relationship coach for more than a decade, guiding her clients through modern challenges and exploring the many roles of power and fantasy. Known for her empathetic nature and direct style, Lia empowers her clients to feel safe in celebrating their authentic sexuality. Lia holds an M.S. in Negotiation and Conflict Resolution from Columbia University and a B.S. in Biopsychology from Touro University. She is a certified wellness coach and life coach as well as a certified hypnotist. Lia has been featured by numerous media outlets, including NBC Universal, NY Post, Huffington Post, Men's Health, Curtis and Cosy Show, and more. Website: liaholmgren.com More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.thedesirespa.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar for women: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get text reminders for every new episode – text “podcast” to https://my.community.com/jessaatintimacywithease Get daily conversation starters to share with your partner – text “topics” to https://my.community.com/jessaatintimacywithease Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/207-hookup-without-heartbreak-lia-holmgrenMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Sex and intimacy are aspects of a relationship that all couples struggle with. It is also an area of our lives where we receive limited and often destructive and unhelpful messages as a child and adult. By deepening your understanding and ability to communicate with your partner about the intimate aspects of your relationship, you create the ability to give and receive love in a way that makes you feel deeply connected and fulfilled.In this episode Tarah and EJ interview Jessa Zimmerman a nationally certified sex therapist (AASECT), author of “Sex Without Stress,” and host of “Better Sex”. In this informative episode, they address several issues, including. What is a sex therapist?How should couples go about finding a sex therapist?What are common sexual struggles?The “universal problem” of different sex drives.Why couples struggle to talk about sex.Two types of desire. Creating a new atmosphere for your sexual relationship.Jessa ZimmermanSex Without StressBetter Sex PodcastSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations

Dr. Kanwal Bawa talks about sexual health and wellness, particularly vaginal rejuvenation, to improve relationships and the sexual experience. Known as ‘Dr. Sex Fairy' due to her patients' incredible sexual wellness success stories, Dr. Bawa reveals to us what's in her fairy dust. How important is the female orgasm? Unfortunately, many women assume that they cannot orgasm. Studies show that many women do not even know their own anatomy, and henceforth do not know how to pleasure themselves. Good orgasms can be indicative of better vaginal health, better mental health, a better relationship with one's partner and more enjoyable sexual activities. What do women need to know to achieve orgasm? There is so much more to having an orgasm than just sex itself. Women need to ensure that they are monitoring their hormones and their vaginal health, as an imbalance or lack of these can make achieving orgasm very difficult. Dr. Bawa explains the different rejuvenation procedures and treatments that she offers to her clients that have helped to change their lives. Prevention is better than a cure Dr. Bawa advises people to rethink wellness. Vaginal health needs to be approached in a preventative way and not only brought up when a problem arises. Sexual health is a topic that is ignored by a lot of doctors. By filling this void, Dr. Bawa hopes to transform the lives of many people by improving their sexual health. Biography: Dr. Kanwal Bawa is a board-certified physician, founder of Bawa Medical, and a member of FemiWave's Medical Advisory Board. Dr. Bawa is committed to her philosophy of “rejuvenation from the inside out,” an approach that combines state-of-the-art procedures and multi-faceted solutions with her exceptional knowledge and skill. After battling a breast cancer diagnosis, Dr. Bawa went on to be crowned Ms. Florida U.S. Continental 2021. Dr. Bawa's motivation in entering the competition was to inspire cancer patients to live their best lives, and to raise awareness for misdiagnosis. Dr. Bawa is an ambassador for the American Cancer Society's ResearcHERS initiative to raise funds for women-led cancer research for all cancer. At her rejuvenation medical practice Bawa Medical in Boca Raton, Florida, Dr. Bawa uses her expertise and procedures to help transform her patients – especially those affected by cancer. She specializes in intimate wellness, skin rejuvenation, hair restoration, IV therapy, and hormone replacement. To learn more about Dr. Bawa's background, philosophy, and other personal triumphs please follow this link – https://www.bawamedical.com/about/meet-dr-bawa/ Resources and links: Website: https://www.bawamedical.com/about/meet-dr-bawa/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFsvTQJsdYdmAoz-vk-xiXw Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BawaMedicalBocaRaton/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bawamedical/ To learn more about FemiWave, visit: https://femiwave.com/ More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/206-vaginal-rejuvenation-with-dr-kanwal-bawaMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Master Certified Life Coach, Krista St-Germain, gives advice on how to deal with grief after losing a life partner. In this episode, we will talk about sex after loss and how it fits into the grieving process. How do you discern your needs and wants after being widowed? How do you decide when you'd like to have sex or when you don't? How do you make those kinds of decisions in a way that is empowering and not fall prey to the myths that exist? Dealing with grief and healing. Grief is the response to any perceived loss. Krista, who works mostly with widows, says that the main issue she sees is the problematic idea that there is a certain way to go through grief. It is an experience unique to every person who goes through it. We are not well informed when it comes to grief, so layering sex on top of the strict timeline of healing people subject themselves to makes things go from bad to worse. The intersection of sex and grief A typical myth concerning the loss of a spouse is that what the bereaved wants is not really sex, but just the physical connection to another human. In reality, only that individual can know what they want and need at any moment in time. Often, people will try to fill an emotional void with sex. If sex is something one wants, it's because they want it, not because they're incomplete without it. 8 myths about sex and grief As people we will always have a response to grief, and over time we can change our response and adapt to life such that it becomes integrated and no longer an obstacle. Not only are there no stages or timeline, but there is also no end to grief. It just becomes part of our life experience. Krista reveals the truth about the eight myths that she usually encounters about sex and grief that could help people figure out how to live their lives again and love sex again without feeling judged or guilty. How do you talk to people so that they know whether they're ready or not to have sex again? This is an individual decision. One must decide to believe in themselves and trust that they know when they're ready. This doesn't negate feelings of nervousness or worry, but just shows that one is open to the idea. Krista's vision is to get people to a place where they know they can be kind to themselves on the other side of whatever decision they've made, because that's the most empowering place to be. Biography: Krista St-Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, grief expert, widow, mom and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast. When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista's life was completely and unexpectedly flipped upside down. After therapy helped her unfurl from the fetal position, Krista discovered Life Coaching, Post Traumatic Growth and learned the tools she needed to move forward and create a future she could get excited about. Now she coaches and teaches other widows so they can love life again, too. Resources and links: Website: https://www.coachingwithkrista.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachingwithkrista/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachkrista/ More info: How Healthy is Your Sex Life – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/205-sex-as-a-widow-krista-st-germainMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Healing Your Sex Life Through the Unconscious Mind Dr. Tonia Winchester has been a naturopathic doctor for 15 years. This episode will explore brain-based coaching, and how people can really achieve breakthroughs and get out of patterns that haven't been working for them. Dr Winchester talks about accessing the unconscious mind in order to achieve a healthy sex lifestyle. The power of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) Through practice, Dr Tonia Winchester found that the best way to help is by tapping into the unconscious mind of her patients. NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) is a tool that allows us to bypass our conscious mind and access the place in our minds where change happens. What is the unconscious mind and what does it do for us? The unconscious mind is responsible for our emotions, triggers, responses and reactions. Dr. Winchester believes that if one wants effective change to happen, they need to dig into the unconscious mind to do so. How does the unconscious mind relate to a healthy sex life? The unconscious mind controls factors that are essential for a healthy sex life, ie. safety, trust, risk-taking and vulnerability. Our desires, or lack thereof, are based on our past experiences in life. The unconscious mind is always looking to keep us safe, so avoiding sex or doing it because we have to, is fulfilling a purpose. How does a breakthrough process work and what should people expect from it? When working with the unconscious mind, one has to deal with negative experiences from their past. With a process called timeline therapy, the charge is gently taken out of these negative emotions and swapped with positive learnings, allowing the patient to have the appropriate and warranted emotions. Reconnecting to positive things can prime people to experience pleasure in their lives and help them draw out things that they are wanting. Who needs this? Anyone who has been stuck in the same pattern for years, and knows that they should be taking care of themselves, but aren't, would be a good candidate for this treatment. Going through unconscious reprogramming is recognizing that one wants more in their life, but that what they're doing is not and hasn't been working for a long time. Biography: Dr Tonia Winchester has been in practice as a Naturopathic Doctor since 2007. Now, as a brain-based transformation coach, she uses contemporary neurological reprogramming techniques to help women break through burnout, stress, anxiety, and fatigue and find joy and energy again so that they can create exceptional lives for themselves, their families and communities. She guides her clients through a “Breakthrough” process where they easily and gently clear the past and recode their unconscious minds so that they are primed to make and sustain positive changes in how they take care of themselves. The results are a strengthened connection to self – more self-love, worth, and value, ultimately allowing them to build happy, meaningful relationships and compelling futures. Tonia has been featured on CTV, the Costco Connection, The Elephant Journal, Conscious Nutrition, The Autoimmune Simplified Podcast, and the New Generation Entrepreneur Podcast. To learn more about her brain-based coaching breakthroughs, head over to https://www.toniawinchester.com/breakthrough/ More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/204-healing-your-sex-life-through-the-unconscious-mind-dr-tonia-wincesterMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

In this episode, Dr Laura Dabney explains the importance of selfishness in a relationship. Despite its negative connotation, being selfish can actually make you a better person and partner. Learn why being in tuned to what you want and how you feel is critical and how you can create a balance of giving and selfishness in a relationship. What does selfishness mean in a relationship? Simply put, being selfish is taking care of yourself first before others like your partner. Being selfish has always been frowned upon because of its bad connotation but it just means you take responsibility for getting your personal, emotional, and physical needs met, and that's an important part of becoming an adult. You can't build a deep, meaningful, and authentic connection when you have little or no concern for yourself in the first place. What are the consequences of selfless giving and not putting yourself first? When you put everyone else's needs ahead of your own, there's resentment that's taken but not talked about because of the assumption that your needs weren't as important. Constantly meeting others' needs could also lead you to believe that it's the way of keeping the relationship alive. You're giving in to the point where it's hurting you and so the other person could start pulling away emotionally, sexually, physically. The best person to know you is you One reason why people tend to not say or advocate for their wants is this fairy tale idea that we expect that the other person should know what we want and we don't need to tell them that. In reality, this happens because the person is not in touch with themselves, particularly sexually, so they hope the other person will take over. Being selfish in a healthy way Taking care of ourselves is our job as an adult – that's the definition of being an adult. It is not a negative quality. Take time to reflect, carve out some alone time, name a feeling and practice feeling it. If you have a well-developed sense of who you are and the ability to communicate it to others or your partner, you'll be a happier person. The balance of being selfish and giving In a relationship, you have to set boundaries to know where you end and the other person begins. Know what you need and present it to your partner. Hear what the other person has to say and then figure out a unique formula on how you can make things work for both of you. The best relationship happens when two adults show up and enjoy each other. Biography: Dr. Laura Dabney has been a psychiatrist in Virginia Beach, VA for twenty-plus years. She has treated patients in more than a dozen cities across Virginia, including more recently Richmond, VA. Her psychiatric expertise has been featured on radio, podcasts, websites, and in print media. She consults for a number of large institutions, including the Virginia Veterans Administration Medical Center. She received her MD from Eastern Virginia Medical School and has been Board Certified in Psychiatry. Resources and links: Website: https://relationship-rx.com/ More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/203-why-selfish-is-good-for-sex-dr-laura-dabneyMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

In this episode, we take a closer look at the exciting world of dating – from using different dating apps to tackling difficult conversations and navigating the dating scene amid a pandemic. Life and dating coach Damona Hoffman shares tips on how to progress relationships and how to deepen them by cultivating curiosity. For people looking for a relationship, what do they need to know in order to be successful in dating? Damona said that dating is a pretty and repeatable process. If you are already getting frustrated with dating, learn about these five areas to know what you could have been doing wrong. How do you handle sexual concerns as well as various loaded topics during dating? Sex is a part of any relationship, but COVID changed the dating scenario such that there are added health concerns that needed to be addressed first before you even begin to see each other in person. For example, instead of talking about STI testing and the like, you now talk about getting tested for COVID and quarantining. But COVID aside, having a difficult conversation such as sex, politics, or race in the early phases of dating ultimately boils down to listening and understanding. There should be a time when we set aside our beliefs and focus on what really matters like communication, conflict resolution, values, and goals. Interracial dating and racial bias in dating Damona talks about the hot topic of race and how it comes into play in dating. Does excluding a particular race from your dating preferences just simply a matter of preference or racial bias? Learn how to ask the five “why's” to unpack biases and beliefs and how to turn your differences from your partner into a very rich and positive aspect of the relationship. How important is sexual compatibility during dating? Can this still change over time? People toss away a perfectly good relationship because in the early phase, the sex isn't as fulfilling as prior relationships that they compare it to. But Damona believes that sex, along with whatever is in our checklist of what we're looking for in a partner, should be disregarded in the early phases. During this stage, curiosity should fuel the relationship and not the chemistry or any other arbitrary reason. Biography: Damona is the Dating Expert of  The Drew Barrymore Show  and NPR, a dating coach & TV personality who starred in the A+E Networks' (FYI TV) series #BlackLove and A Question of Love.  She's a contributor for CNN Headline News (HLN), BET.com, The Washington Post, LA Times, Match dating app and more. Her advice has been featured in hundreds of publications, podcasts, and TV shows and she was the subject of an Oprah O Magazine cover story in 2019. She hosts The Dates & Mates Show as well as the I Make A Living podcast.  Resources and links: Website: https://damonahoffman.com/ Instagram: @damonahoffman Twitter: @DamonaHoffman Podcast: Dates and Mates and Make a Living – https://damonahoffman.com/dates-and-mates-podcast/ More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/202-dates-mates-damona-hoffmanMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Certified sex coach Kristine D'Angelo talks about pleasure and feeling empowered when it comes to sex, especially for vagina owners. Conversationally, she tackles the most common barriers for vagina owners in achieving sexual pleasure and the kinds of expectations that they're up against based on societal standards. The differences and similarities between sex coaches and sex therapist are also discussed so people can make the best choice when seeking help. What's the difference between sex coaching and sex therapy? Sex coaching is very much about behavioral changes and practicing those changes in order to feel confident and more connected to your body in order to achieve pleasure. Sex therapy is forming a strong relationship first, and where sex coaching can be built off of. Why specialize in coaching women? Kristine wants to watch women step back into their sexuality and become confident and comfortable and advocate for their pleasure. She has been in a position where she has lost her power during a sexual encounter, and she knows how helpless that can make a person feel. What are the different pressures that make it even more difficult for vagina owners to achieve sexual fulfillment? One of the biggest obstacles is constant comparison – from comparing themselves to other vagina owners, to comparing their body to the idol standards of what society thinks is beautiful. This behavior tends to work inwards rather than outwards, where women start to think that there is something wrong with them and that they are below societal standards. Also, women are not explicitly given permission to explore their sexuality in our society as opposed to men. What would people expect working with you or somebody like you? Through holistic coaching, different questions are asked, like, “Where do you want your sex life to be six months from now without worrying what could get in the way or what could go wrong?” By describing your ideal sex life, a sex coach would then ask you to do home assignments based on a customized action plan. Biography: Kristine D'Angelo is a Certified Sex Coach who works with women and couples, coaching her clients towards sexual fulfillment. Kristine has worked hard creating a safe and comfortable space for her clients to explore and embrace their sexuality. She's always exposing herself to learning in depth about human sexuality, relationships, being an ally to the LGBTQ community and volunteering for organizations that promote a sex-positive society. Kristine holds a degree in Sociology and Community Health and certification through Sex Coach U. She has always been drawn to human interactions and has focused on human sexuality as her main passion in life and path in education. The hard work her clients experience encourages her to change the world through sexually enlightening and empowering people through her sex coaching. “Watching my clients become sexually empowered is the highlight of my life's work, I want the world to experience this level of self-awareness.” Resources and links: Website: https://www.doyoursexlifeafavor.com/ YouTube: Kristine D'Angelo, Certified Sex Coach Podcast: So I Married a Sexologist More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com  The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com  The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com  Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Lisa Schwartz is here with me to talk about the intersection of ADD/ADHD with relationships and sex. We go over how ADD/ADHD can show up in various ways, strategies to build an intimate relationship, and how ADD is not just a disorder. Definition- Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) Lisa's personal experience with ADD has helped her work with patients in her practice. She says that people with ADD can hyper-focus on things that grab their interest. While doing that, they may not be able to focus on things that are not of interest to them. Recognizing the behaviors of ADD/ADHD From her experience with patients in her practice, Lisa lists several behaviors such as disorganization, not being present, short-term memory issues, lack of energy, and more, that people with ADD exhibit. One can be recognized as having ADD when one or more of these behaviors begins to show themselves. How does ADD/ADHD show up in sex and relationships? Lisa uses David Reed's Erotic Stimulus Pathway model and Dennis Dailey's model of sexual beings to explain how ADD shows up in sex and relationships. Reed's model around sexual functioning talks about seduction, sensation, surrender and reflection. Lisa describes how ADD/ADHD interrupts relationships with one's partner, sexual and otherwise. Dailey's model of sexual beings categorizes human beings into sensuality, intimacy, identity, reproduction, and sexualization. These categories show up to affect individuals with ADD and their partners in sex and relationships. Tips for people with ADD/ADHD in terms of sex and relationships Lisa advises people with ADD/ADHD to take their medication to keep their focus, plan their sexual activities on a leisure day to conserve their energy, build an environment comfortable for both partners and practice mindfulness to stay present. It's also important for partners to identify ADD/ADHD and view it as separate from them in a way that doesn't impact their efforts to work on it collaboratively. Final thoughts Lisa leaves us with the message that ADD/ADHD is not necessarily a disorder, but to be viewed as something positive that enhances creativity and passion. Biography: Sexuality educator and psychotherapist with more than 20 years of experience, Lisa B. Schwartz has a doctorate in Human Sexuality Education and a master's degree in Psychological Services from the University of Pennsylvania. Dr Schwartz has a private psychotherapy practice and has specialized in the area of sexuality issues since 1994. Welcoming to a diverse clientele, and varying relational partnering (couples, thrupples and others), she works with clients on a wide range of sexuality issues: for example, issues about the impact of ADD/ADHD, change in sexual desire, infidelity and enhancing sexual experiences. Licensed by the State of Pennsylvania and New Jersey to practice Marriage and Family Therapy, Lisa B. Schwartz also is licensed to provide telehealth in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Florida. She earned her certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy in an in-depth, three-year program offered by the Family Institute of Philadelphia. In addition, she is a sex therapist certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Dr Schwartz received specialty training in relationship and sex therapy on diagnosing and treating erectile dysfunction. She remains current about sexuality issues by participating in continuing education programs. Lisa B. Schwartz is a Clinical Member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, the Association for Women in Psychology and the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Resources and links: Website: sexualconcerns.com Melissa Orlov www.adhdmarriage.com www.additudemag.com More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/195-add-and-sex-lisa-schwartzMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Jessa Zimmerman is a a certified sex therapist in Seattle, the author of Sex Without Stress, host of the Better Sex Podcast, and creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method. She helps people in otherwise happy relationships create a sex life that is fun and easy for both of them so they can enjoy physical intimacy without pressure or obligation.Connect with Jessa: Free webinar: How to enjoy physical intimacy without pressure or obligationWebsite: Intimacy With EasePodcast: Better Sex PodcastInstagram: @IntimacyWithEaseFacebook: Intimacy With EaseConnect with Katie: Website: Digitally EnhancedInstagram: @Digitally.Enhanced.MarketingFree class mentioned in the episode: DigitallyEnhanced.co/class 

To bring awareness and break the myth around male survivors of childhood sexual abuse, Dr. Stephen Braveman joins me today. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, an early pioneer in working with the population of male sexual abuse survivors as well as women and transgender people. Stephen shares his knowledge on the history of male sexual abuse, the surrounding cultural myths, the impact on the victim, how to receive help and get started on the healing journey. History of Male Sexual Abuse Awareness and Stephen's Role Dr. Braveman gives us an account of the history of male sexual abuse and the progression of its awareness. It started in the 1950s and 60s when sexual abuse of men was just a myth. It progressed through the years with sexual abuse of women coming into light in the 60s and sexual abuse of children, specifically girls coming into light in the 70s and 80s. The perception of viewing them as survivors brought a huge shift in the field however, the talk of male sexual abuse remained minimal. Stephen started the first-ever group for men sexually abused as children in the 1990s. In the two years of running this rare group, Stephen realized there wasn't much conversation going on about this subject anywhere in the world. Dr Braveman decided to educate people on the subject by making a documentary, Boyhood Shadows- I Swore I'd Never Tell. This one film, conceptualized and spearheaded by Stephen and the men in his group, was developed while he was working at the Monterey County Rape Crisis Center, has helped thousands of sexual abuse survivors come to grips with the emotionally crippling effects of abuse they suffered at the hands of others. Myths Around Male Sexual Victimization Stephen talks about some of the biggest myths surrounding male sexual victimization, including the belief that men/boys cannot be abused because of society's idea that “men are tough”. In the case of abuse, they are told to “man up” and take it, which is damaging because the impact of abuse lives on. The second myth is that if a boy is molested by a man, the boy must be gay or causes them to become gay. This leads to boys questioning their sexuality for the wrong reasons. The third myth is that if a man molests a boy, the man must be gay. Stephen debunks this idea by giving an example of the Semen Warriors of New Guinea. Another prominent myth that exists is that men cannot be abused by females. People don't consider other forms of abuse that cannot be inflicted without an erection, such as fondling, blowjob, or encouraging them to touch inappropriately. Stephen points out that it's often not believed because of the idea that men overpower women. This is a false idea, as most of the molesters are someone close, and they molest in a loving manner that obstructs a victim from overpowering them. Stephens discusses briefly the myth of abuse by teachers. This is particularly difficult to clarify because it's often romanticized. This type of abuse leads to expressing symptoms like the belief that these sexual practices that are illegal and morally wrong don't apply to them, that they're an exception to the rules. Stephen talks about Vampire's syndrome as another myth that people believe – that people who were abused as children grow up to abuse others just like how people who are bitten, in turn, bite others like Dracula. Pedophile vs Child Molester While talking about a child molester being gay as a myth, Stephen gives the difference between a child molester and a pedophile. A pedophile views children solely as their sexual orientation and hence most of them have a preference between male and female children. Child molesters are most commonly someone close to the child – their mother, father, a teacher, priest, or a coach. They are sexually attracted to children and the power they could display over them. Symptoms of Childhood Sexual Abuse Stephen describes common symptoms of the impact of sexual abuse that men carry with them and techniques that are used in helping them through it. Some of the symptoms of carrying the impact of sexual abuse are similar in men, women, and transgender people. Dissociation from their body, reality, and relationships Sexually shutting down with their primary partner but acting out sexually in other ways. Split behaviors Difficulty trusting men. Techniques to heal To reestablish survivor's trust in men and to walk through their lost childhood, Stephen teaches them “play”. He safely uses “touch” by having them hold hands facing each other, shaking hands for a prolonged time while doing breathing exercises. The goal is to teach them safer ways of talking and being around men and practicing safer touch like a handshake. Another method is to release their anger by trashing something in a safe and controlled environment. Some men also confront their perpetrator in person in real life, or write a letter and burn it or leave it in the ocean. Some men confront the abuse itself by participating in events for survivors, by teaching a song about self-protection to their kids, by participating in a study or a documentary about sexual abuse, or by sharing their story in a group. The Victim In a relationship dynamic In a couple dynamic, Stephen starts with individual therapy for the survivor, and then they join the men's group when they're ready. Stephen runs a weekend workshop, Outgrowing the Pain Together. for sexual abuse survivors and their partners. It gives couples a space to meet other couples dealing with similar issues and share their experiences. He also offers another workshop, Sacred Tantra Intimacy, which involves the use of ancient traditions of tantra and working with chakra, breathing and eye contact, and energy. It is safety-focused and involves asking and getting permission before any action of touching. To bring change in their sexual life and relationship, Stephen says it's crucial to break sexual maps- both a couple's sexual patterns and men's masturbation patterns. He emphasizes the need to have a full-body experience by using a few techniques. Biography A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, AASECT Certified Diplomat and Supervisor of Sex Therapy, Gender and Sexual Abuse Specialist, Sacred Sexuality/Tantra Educator, and an LGBT and KINK Specialist, Stephen's work speaks for itself. Stephen's book, “CPR for Your Sex Life, How to Breathe Life into a Dead, Dying or Dull Sex Life,” co-authored by Mildred Brown, PhD, continues to fascinate and enthrall readers everywhere. Stephen has also appeared in numerous national publications, television shows, and documentaries. Resources and links: Website: https://www.isgcmonterey.net/ Workshops: http://www.isgcmonterey.net/services/# Webinar on Child Sexual Abuse in Men by ISSM: https://professionals.issm.info/events/issm-webinar-on-child-sexual-abuse-in-men-trauma-and-sexualit/ More info: Training video – ​https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice Sex Health Quiz – ​https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – ​https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com The Book – ​https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – ​https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: ​https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/172-male-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-dr-stephen-bravemanMore info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

On the Regular version of today's show ... Jessa Zimmerman joins me today to let the SMRNation know about our free webinar - How To Help Your Partner Want More Sex WITHOUT Feeling Pressure or Obligation  - on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 at 7 PM Central Time. Register for free by clicking here. Jessa also sticks around to answer some questions from the Nation. On the Xtended version (which is available to all today) ... Pam and I talk about the impact Dr David Schnarch has had our our marriage and my profession. Enjoy the show! The post Intimacy With Ease #489 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

On the Regular version of today's show ... Jessa Zimmerman joins me today to let the SMRNation know about our free webinar - How To Help Your Partner Want More Sex WITHOUT Feeling Pressure or Obligation  - on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 at 7 PM Central Time. Register for free by clicking here. Jessa also sticks around to answer some questions from the Nation. On the Xtended version (which is available to all today) ... Pam and I talk about the impact Dr David Schnarch has had our our marriage and my profession. Enjoy the show!

My guest is the author of Reviving Your Sex Life After Childbirth, a pioneer for diagnosing and treating pelvic floor dysfunction, and also a practicing physical therapist who specializes in the pelvic floor, specifically. Overall, she is one of the leading authorities on the PF and has a wealth of knowledge to share in this episode. She talks about treatment, what to expect during the “4th trimester”, and common ways of regaining sex drive after birth through pelvic floor physical intervention. Listen along! Postpartum Considerations Kathe says that what sparked her interest and important work with post-childbirth mothers was that no one was really helping mothers regain their sex drive. Additionally, she drew from her own experience as a mother to drive the work she would do with other mothers. More specifically, Kathe specializes in the all-important pelvic floor muscles. She says that obstetricians often don't address the pelvic floor muscles and the importance of strengthening them after childbirth. The Most Common Impacts of Childbirth on the Pelvic Floor Kathe says that pain is the biggest reason why mothers come to her for physical therapy. She says that providing information and treatment for the pain not only alleviates the symptoms but provides a huge relief to mothers who might have uncertainties and stresses about regaining their sex drive. Other common reasons are simply a lack of sexual desire and incontinence due to weakened pelvic floors. Laxity and looseness is another common byproduct of childbirth on the pelvic floor, which can certainly contribute to mothers feeling uncomfortable about sex, making them more likely to avoid it. Kathe spends some time talking about the connecting fascia and tissue that comprise the pelvic floor and how childbirth can stretch out the tissue. It can take a lot of attention to strengthen the muscles back to form, so Kathe says it's an important step to seek physical therapy. The Benefits of Kegels for Arousal and Lubrication Kathe says that a lot of mother struggle with getting adequately lubricated for sex after childbirth. This is a completely normal phenomenon, so she dispels the myth that only menopausal women struggle with it. Kegels and other physical interventions can really help with lubrication. Arousal is another closely related facet of sexuality that kegels can improve. During the “4th trimester” it's hard for mothers to get aroused. Strengthening the pelvic floor can help immensely. For strengthening the first layer of muscles, she suggests the technique called the “wink and nod”. She says that if you squeeze and think about moving the clitoris, closing the vaginal lips, and winking the anus you can strengthen the first layer of muscles. For the deeper layer of muscles, you would seek to bring your anus to your pubic bone, so to speak. For much more on that, listen along! How to Release a Tight Pelvic Floor Kathe says that there are cases where the pelvic floor actually is too tight and could benefit from a regular release of tension. For those who perhaps are too tight, she has a wide variety of diaphragmatic breathing exercises that can help. She goes into much more detail on how to know if you can benefit from tightening or loosening exercises. Definitely, don't miss that! Resources for Kathe: Her website: https://kathewallace.com/ Her book: Reviving Your Sex Life After Childbirth Free Pelvic Floor Handout: https://kathewallace.com/resources/free-handout/ Questionnaire for Females About PFD: https://kathewallace.com/physical-therapy/patient-forms/ Find a PT Sites: https://ptl.womenshealthapta.org/#s=1 || https://pelvicrehab.com/ || https://pelvicguru.com/ More info: Link to the free guide – Talking About Sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Jessa Zimmerman joins me to answer an email from listeners who say they have a great marriage but real struggle in their sex life. A conversation about the idea of foreplay for foreplay. On the XTD content. What books I've read this year and their impact on my life and marriage. The post Foreplay For Foreplay #446 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Jessa Zimmerman joins me to answer an email from listeners who say they have a great marriage but real struggle in their sex life. A conversation about the idea of foreplay for foreplay. On the XTD content. What books I've read this year and their impact on my life and marriage.

The topic today is eroticism, which is our unique fingerprint of what turns us on. It's a set of things or the theme of things that really arouses us – that we find highly interesting and erotic. We all have the things that we prefer in sex and things that we find more arousing than others. This is a useful concept and area of inquiry if we're going to make our sex life as good as we can. Frees Us from Guilt and Shame I find eroticism fascinating. And one of the theories that I subscribe to was developed by Michael Bader, who wrote a great book called Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies. He talks about how our eroticism, what we find especially arousing, frees us from guilt and shame. It moves those obstacles out of the way so that we can be fully aroused. I give a great example of what Mr. Bader means, and if you are interested in learning more, I highly recommend the book in terms of trying to figure out why exactly does your eroticism exist? What does it absolve you of or relieve for you? Why is Eroticism Important? In some ways, you may have been going along having sex with your partner for a long time. It hasn't been highly erotic, and it's been just fine, and that's part of the problem. We tend, over time, to come down to what a colleague of mine called “lowest common denominator sex.” How do we get to this point and what do we do to move beyond this level? It's important to understand that maybe there's room to explore what could reenergize your sex life. We Need More Fuel for the Fire Not only is our sex life becoming a little bit more predictable if we're with the same partner usually, but we tend to need more fuel on the fire to get aroused or to reach an orgasm as we age, as we have more stress, as we have more responsibilities. So, tapping into our eroticism is a great way to up the stimulation because that is mental stimulation. If you've ever heard the saying that our brain is our biggest sex organ, that's what that means to me. I explain it further during the episode. Mental stimulation has a lot of power. And if we add that, we get our brain engaged and highly charged, and that's a lot of energy for our sex life. That added stimulation makes it much, much easier to get aroused or reach orgasm, especially as we get older in terms of what we need to really get turned on. Your Eroticism is Revealed in Different Ways If you think about the best sex you've ever had or the sex that was the most exciting or what you like to do, that might point you in the direction of what you find highly arousing. A place you could also look is in your reaction to sexual or romantic material. There is so much out there, and we don't respond equally to all of it. We're going to be drawn towards things that shine a light on what we find erotic. Watch for those things. And if you haven't noticed that or you're not coming across it, maybe seek out some erotic material on purpose and test the waters. Another place you can look for your eroticism is in your sexual fantasies. If you fantasize, or if you could begin to fantasize about purely erotic material, your own creations really reflect your eroticism. This works because we don't put stuff in there that doesn't work for us. If you want to examine your sexual fantasies, spend a little bit of time there, maybe write some of these out. That can be a great place to identify the themes of what turns you on. Once You Understand Your Eroticism The next step is to share that with your partner. To learn theirs and to share yours with them. I can't stress this enough – adopt a stance of curiosity without judgment. Set the stage to have a welcoming conversation and start to explore what really turns you each on without any sense that you must do anything about this yet, or that it means that anything is good or bad. Once you have the sort of common ground and this curiosity, you might share your own fantasies and just delving deeper into what really turns you on. Find the Overlap You come out of this process with a real knowledge of yourself and your partner, and I think you're going to begin to see the overlap. There's room to put these together. Now it doesn't mean that what you find erotic, that what you fantasize about, that you want to do it. I describe different ways you can use erotic energy even if you don't want to do the things in real life. You're working with another person whose desires and wishes, and their eroticism also matters. And looking for where you can get overlap and you can play together, and you can harness what is wonderful. Figure Out What Eroticism is for You I can't stress enough how powerful I think this is and how useful I think it can be in your sex life. And again, not every time you have sex. But it's nice to have some of this to draw on and to have a little bit of variance in how arousing sex is… like there are places to pull it out and make it hotter. And then there are other times where we just sort of want a simple, moderately warm encounter. Right? They're all okay, but this gives you some flexibility. I hope you enjoy that and thanks again for listening. More info: Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Desire Discrepancy may or may not be a term that you've heard. This is where two different people want different amounts of sex. There's a discrepancy between your desire and your partner's. This is universal. It happens all the time, and it is a problem for a lot of people. In this episode, I'm going to talk about Desire Discrepancy, how it occurs naturally, issues that may crop up around it, and give you some strategies to effectively navigate this common challenge. Desire Discrepancy Doesn't Need to Be a Struggle Most of the couples that I see in my practice are struggling with Desire Discrepancy, often in addition to some other issues and concerns. It can be a large part of where they're struggling emotionally and relationally with each other. And it doesn't need to be a struggle. Actually, nothing is broken. It's just that we tend to handle this poorly. We don't understand that it's normal, and we don't understand how to approach our part of the dynamic to be constructive with our partners. Having Desire Discrepancy is Natural It probably makes sense to you, the idea that any two people don't want the same amount of sex. This is a universal phenomenon in a relationship, at least over time. Why would any two people want exactly the same amount of sex early in your relationship? Maybe it felt like you did, maybe it was easy and you both couldn't keep your hands off each other. But over time, discrepancy shows up, and for different reasons. This isn't that somebody is lacking desire or that somebody's broken. It's natural for our desire to ebb and flow. It's harder once we get older, it's harder once we've been with the same person for a while, it's harder when stresses show up in our lives and we get busy with careers or children or other kinds of things that go on for us. While everybody experiences it, it's not a problem by itself, but it can be experienced as a problem. And it's often thought to be a problem for people that are struggling with sex in their relationship. During this episode, I talk to you a little bit about how this works and how you can approach it differently with your partners. The Solution Involves Collaboration So now that we understand it is not a problem, we also need to realize we are not going to get you where you both want the same amount of sex because that's not the goal. What I want to do is help you get to a place where you're collaborating in this phenomenon, where you're working together as a team where it's not polarizing you, where you don't consider it in any real issue. There still may be a little bit of negotiation, or maybe even frustration for either one of you around this, but it shouldn't be divisive. The Lower Desire Partner Has The Control It's important to understand that as desire discrepancy emerges over time or develops over time, you must realize that the person that wants less has all the control. Not because they want it, not because they enjoy having that kind of control or power, mostly they don't. But anybody who wants something less kind of has their hand on the spigot, they're the ones saying if, and when, and how. And this dynamic doesn't just apply to sex, it applies to almost anything. In these situations, the person who wants something less or who isn't valuing it as much, they have the control. It is built into the system, not because they are trying to be controlling or because they are enjoying having this control over you, it's just fundamentally part of the system. The System is Under Pressure When somebody wants something more than somebody else, another thing that's inherent in this situation is pressure. The person who wants something less typically feels a lot of pressure. They're aware that their partner wants this thing and there's a lot of pressure in the system. And it's likely not because the person that wants more sex is trying to pressure you, there's pressure in the system because you're aware of that discrepancy. Don't Get Caught in These Traps So those two things, control and pressure, are built in and for a lot of people that get stuck in this, they're waiting for one or both of those things to go away before there's forward movement. And that's part of what gets them caught because those are not going to go away. We have to proceed despite those things. During this episode, I go deep into the different traps both the lower desires partner and the higher desire partner can fall into, and how to avoid them. It's ultimately understanding, recognizing, and communicating about these traps that will help keep you and your partner from getting stuck, building resentments, or pathologizing each other. Remember, You're Not Broken Desire Discrepancy is a given, it's going to happen, and knowing that it is a natural part of every relationship means that it is not a sign of a broken relationship. It's not about one side or the other “fixing” their sex drive. Neither you nor your partner is the problem, and nobody is broken. Below are links to some guides, one for those with increased desire, and one for those with decreased desire. And I'm going to follow up with another episode about an exercise you can use to totally transform this using these concepts. But if you can start to wrap your mind around these different ways to think about this dynamic in a different way, you can interact in your role with each other. But even just the way you're thinking about this inside your own mind can make a big, big difference. Desire Discrepancy does not need to be this huge divisive factor in your relationship. Important Links: Higher Desire Partner Guide: http://bettersexpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/HDP-Guide.pdf Lower Desire Partner Guide: http://bettersexpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/LDP-Guide.pdf More info: Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Sexual Satisfaction Scale Because there have been so many great guests and conversations on the show, it has been a while since we've done a soapbox episode. In this soapbox, Jessa talks about measuring sexual satisfaction in a way that is meaningful to you. While host Jessa was doing her continued education (as sex therapists are required to do), she discovered a tool called a self-anchored ladder. This ladder can be used to create a sexual satisfaction ranking from 1-10, but it's unique to each individual and anchored in the things that are important to you. This episode focuses on the self-anchored ladder, and specifically on what sexual satisfaction means to you personally. And the ultimate goal is to compare your self-anchored ladder with your partner and then collaborate to integrate the most meaningful aspects of sex for both of you. Determining What Makes Sex Satisfying For You You can find out the most satisfying aspects of sex by creating your ladder. This is a scale that ranges from 1-10 and which is made by you. This is in direct opposition to other scales that are assembled with general descriptors, and which are usually only indirectly related to your personal makeup or what you look for in sex. Jessa talks about how to create your scale, though a blank template is available using the link below. There are then 3 columns for the self-anchored ladder: the low, middle, and high satisfaction details. And in as many words as you can, you define what would make your sexual satisfaction fall in the low, middle or high end of your scale. A good way of clarifying this and getting warmed up is to first think about your favorite meals or dining experiences. What constitutes or makes the most enjoyable experience for you personally? The low, middle, or high? And then after that warmup, do the same thing for sex! Pause the Recording! Make sure you fill out the low, middle, and high sections separate from your partner. There should be no conversations or discussions with them at this point, so you can each identify the variables that impact your satisfaction level. Now, look at what you filled in and search for patterns. Did you use similar words or phrases? Are there any shared themes across the different sections of the scale? Are you talking about the frequency of sex? Certain behaviors or activities? Emotional or relational aspects? An emphasis on orgasms? Just analyzing your inputs can help you understand the driving forces that equate to sexual satisfaction for you. Another Way to Examine Your Scale A very important metric for determining your sexual satisfaction is your previous sexual history. Maybe you haven't had a sexual encounter yet, or maybe you have very specific remembrances that drive your present satisfactions. The point is that your past can really inform your desires and evaluations. Looking towards the future is key, as well. As you glance over your scale, make sure you are considering how your self-anchored ladder applies to your future. This can also bring the limits of your imagination to the surface. If you are looking towards the future but have limiting doubts about whether you can achieve full sexual satisfaction, just recognizing those limiting thoughts can have a profound impact on your life. Also, are you more satisfied now then you have ever been? If not, what do you think has currently changed? And determining the amount of satisfaction you think you deserve is very important as well. Compare the Descriptors and the Ranking With Your Partner You may find in comparing your scales just how different you and your partner are. Some may focus more on orgasm and others on emotional aspects of sex. And coming together and collaborating can be an eye-opening experience where contrasts are revealed and adjustments are made that lead to truly satisfying sex. The collaboration can lead to a full investment in your sex life, with your partner(s). Jessa strongly advises you to try the self-anchored ladder! Please share if this helped you out in any way. Important Links: Self-Anchored Ladder: https://sexwithoutstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/self-anchored-ladder-blank.pdf Satisfaction Scale Questions: https://sexwithoutstress.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Satisfaction-Scale-Questions.pdf Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

In this episode we talk about changing your mindset about sex and about relationships. This episode will challenge your ideas about roles in a relationship and describe a list of new rules to follow that may replace some assumptions that could be getting in your way. A previous episode described the sexual avoidance cycle (quick recap: the circle of disappointment in sex, feeling afraid which leads to avoidance of sex and talking about sex thus inducing increased pressure on your sex life which is followed by a perpetual sense of disappointment). The disappointment portion of the cycle comes from unrealistic expectations. Today we learn where these expectations come from and what myths we buy into that set us up to fail. Two important questions are asked and answered: what do we replace these expectations with and what is sex really? What is sex really? This is an important question to ask because your definition will inform what you expect from sex. You will be challenged to think about your own definition. In the meantime, the following definition is offered: “Sex is the physical expression of our innate drives for love, intimacy and pleasure”. How can a definition change your mindset? While the internet may try to force us into adapting heteronormative definitions, that sex is “sexual intercourse, especially between a man and a woman” (whaaaat?) or “sexual activity including specifically sexual intercourse” (so biased!), consider what your own requirements are. The example you'll hear in this podcast is a personal one. First, sex has to be inclusive and accessible to everyone. Furthermore, rather than focus on specific acts or body parts, it should focus on pleasure and connection. Lastly, it is based in consent. Consider a person who says they lost their virginity to rape. With this definition, because it was certainly not consensual, that was not sex. This mindset shift is explained in even more depth with a great analogy about how sex is like going to the playground... listen in to figure exactly what that means! Time for some new rules What assumptions and unrealistic expectations are getting in the way of a successful relationship? How does your definition of sex work in your relationship? Give this episode a listen for a full description of new rules to follow. In the meantime, enjoy some highlights below. Knowing what you want...and knowing that what you want is okay! That is, we are responsible for our own pleasure. Creating your own definition of sex means you know what you want; it's not the other person's job to magically know what you want to be an effective lover. Building on this concept, what you want is okay! There is nothing wrong with what you want and both you and your partner's sexual desires are valid and important. No more blindsides What is safety in a relationship? Being fully accommodating of a partner's feelings and thoughts is not safety. Real safety comes from honesty and knowing you're going to tell it like it is (and vice versa). Being honest means no one will be blindsided by festering thoughts and opinions that eventually come out. Empathy in Communication During an argument or discussion, we are often building our defense or rebuttal when listening to our partner instead of really understanding what our partner is saying. Therefore, empathize first and then respond. Try to climb into your partner's shoes and see things from their perspective. Addressing the interpersonal gap The interpersonal gap is the gap between what someone's intention is and what the impact is on the listener. Empathy is important to both notice the gap and then to figure out what happened to cause the discrepancy. What were you trying to say and what did your partner hear? Thoughts and feelings - what's the difference? Another important rule is to differentiate between thoughts and feelings. Feelings are emotions that fall into 4 basic categories: sad, mad, glad and afraid. Everything else is thoughts and beliefs. What's wrong with the phrase “I feel like you don't value me”? Listen to find out! After listening to the full podcast, you can start to use all of these new rules as a framework. Future podcasts will dig deeper into some of the assumptions that are made. If you have your own definition of sex to share, any ideas or experiences with these rules or any questions to ask (remember you can also record questions), please get in touch! More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

The Motivation for Come As You Are My guest today is Emily Nagoski, the acclaimed author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. As Emily relates, the motivation to write her best-selling book has a very prominent beginning. It was the first day of the semester and Emily was beginning her usual Anatomy class. A student raised her hand and asked if Emily would walk the students through the evolutionary origin of the hymen. Never having contemplated the question, she knew the semester was going to be a challenging but rewarding one. And during the final exam, when asking a question worth 2 points, she asked students to state one thing they had learned. The answer was far from what she expected. She found herself grading the final exams with tears in her eyes. Listen in to learn what most of her students' answers centered on. We All Have the Same Parts Consider the scrotum. Yes, never before has someone provided an opening sentence like that, but stop for a moment and consider it. The central tenet to Come as You Are is that we all have the same parts, they are just organized differently. If you look at the center of the scrotum, there is a demarcating line that runs down the center; during gestation, all it took was a simple hormone and genetic difference that prevented the scrotum from becoming a labia. They are both stretchy and anatomical similar, but they become formed differently during birth. Through this type of thinking, Emily crafted the book to alleviate the stresses and insecurities of sex. With stress-free sex, with more comfort inside one's skin and the anatomy that we have developed, we can become comfortable in the fact that we are completely normal. For more on this, listen along. Variance Should Be Celebrated Getting to know your own sexual parts, as well as your partner's. There is no one-size-fits-all type of sexual practice. Some women, a minority actually, can experience orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone; the majority cannot. And all because of slight anatomical differences that can't be controlled. So, the number one message communicated is to celebrate the inevitable variance between everyone! SES & SIS This is another extremely interesting section of the interview: Emily talks about the internal sexual excitation system and the sexual inhibition system in our brain that is constantly working behind the scenes. These two work in tandem to balance out sexual excitation with an inhibiting effect that prevents us from being sexually excited all of the time. For more on this dual-control process and how understanding it can help trauma victims, listen along. I am not doing it justice here! The Ramifications of Stress on Sexual Health Stress can make one's body shut down completely when it comes to healthy sexual functioning. As the brain is highly reactive and conditioned through many facets of existence, a stressful situation can kickstart the sexual inhibition system (SIS) which will more often than not win out over any excitation. But again, variance shows up in this respect as well. Everyone is wired differently. Some people have an increased sex drive once stressed, and others don't. It's all a matter of preconditioning. But what do couples do when they are mismatched on this regard. Emily tackles the question with gusto. Tune in to learn more. Scheduled Sex Just because you schedule sex with a partner, doesn't mean that it's going to happen. But it is a very good idea if you don't have a lot of sexual desire or have a partner who doesn't, to schedule the opportunity for sex. Don't have an expectation that it's going to happen, just create the opportunity. Sometimes once in an environment that is conducive for sexual excitation, there can be adequate responsive desire. A no-stress desire! Emily discusses this further in the episode. Tips for Re-tuning One's Sexual Response For the most part, all it takes is a simple change to retune your sexual response to become less stressful. A compromise, a locked door, a new bed that doesn't squeak, sometimes all it takes is to change your environment to take as many worries off of your mind as possible. These are just simple fixes though. Sometimes sex can be very stressful, especially for trauma victims or those who have suffered from sexual shaming; but Emily has some information on that that she shares during the episode. Tips for Overcoming Harsh Self-Criticism Emily has three tips for the subject of overcoming body shame and insecurity. Two of them are tuned into your body's needs and undress in front of a mirror and point something out about your body that you like. Do this every day and eventually, you will get more comfortable with what you have. Instead of hiding it, celebrate it. Again, celebrate the diversity of everybody out there. For the other tip and much more information, tune in. Concluding Thoughts For a teaser of her new book Burnout, some fascinating neuroscientific information on context and sexual excitation, as well as another project she is working on, tune into the final minutes of the show. And follow her through her various social media channels, so you can be updated whenever her new book hits the stores. Background Emily has been a sex educator since 1995, where she put her education to good use (psychology, cognitive science, and philosophy). Quickly, she realized that sex education, woman's well-being, and violence prevention was far more fulfilling work for her personally. So, she made the switch from more neuro-centric work to that of the sex-education realm. And that switch has made all of the difference for the countless people who have benefited from Emily's work in the field. She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with an emphasis in human sexuality, and the list of her qualifications could go on. And within just seconds of this interview, you will immediately understand just how smart and articulate Emily is. Listen in. Links For Emily Nagoski and Other References: Come As You Are - https://amzn.to/2C2o4gh Website – http://www.emilynagoski.com/ Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/ Twitter – https://twitter.com/emilynagoski Jes Baker / Militant Baker Website – http://www.themilitantbaker.com More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

It is time for another personal story. As always, on my show, I like to shine a spotlight on important stories from people who need to tell them. These personal stories offer fresh perspectives on subjects that should be discussed, listened to, ponder over, and written about. And my guest has a story that to my knowledge has never been told before. Stephen Gregory is a teacher of Tantra, a psychotherapist for marriages and families, and an author of the book, Sex Death & Tantra: How sex saved my life after death. And within this episode, he tells the powerful tale of how the principles of Tantra gave him the ability to experience the full, life-shattering aspects of his late husband's death, but at the same time, move past the hardest moments of the grieving process through its healing powers. Listen along and experience a story that is unlike anything you have probably ever heard. The Impetus for Writing Sex Death & Tantra While going through the grieving process for his late husband, Stephen started what would go on to become a very powerful healing process for himself. Because he has his master's in Grief and Loss, Stephen figured himself to be an expert on the grieving process; but it wasn't until he actually went through an extreme tragedy that he felt he had a more complete understanding. There is a definite difference between book knowledge and real-life experience, and he used his hurt to mark the beginning of an experiment that would prove to be the subject matter of his book. He also points out that usually, our greatest strengths are the results of our deepest wounds, which is just one of the many powerful things he touches upon in this episode. The Beginning of the Story: Tantra Revised Because of Stephen's sexual orientation, the traditional tantric practices were not applicable to him, nor were they as powerful. Instead, he actively sought out a teacher who could cater to his sexual orientation. Eventually, he found one. And it was through this relationship that the seeds were planted for his eventual healing. Listen along and hear it in Stephen's own words. It Sort of Just...Happened About a month after his husband's death, Stephen started exploring a deep sexual relationship with his Tantric teacher. It was after being embraced by his teacher, in his deep mourning, that he began to confront feelings of arousal coupled with the intense sadness he was suffering through. The result of this would lead Stephen to experience the full power of the principles of Tantra in practice. Through a greater understanding, through the traveling of the energy below his waist upwards to his heart, an outpouring of emotion was achieved. It was as if he was truly grieving, yet avoiding the depression that accompanies tragic loss. It was as if he was staying in touch with his deceased husband (through their shared Tantric experiences), but was healing at the same time. This paradoxical state was rife with tension and the seemingly unrelated feeling of release. But both opposing states provided counterweights and balances that complemented the entire act and philosophy of Tantra. To learn much more about all of this, listen along and then buy Stephen's book where all of this is laid out in much more detail. The link is below. The Intensive Process of Documenting this Experience During the interview, Stephen says that the whole process took about a year. And this was an everyday activity, often starting at 4:30 in the morning. Both he and his Tantra teacher would document everything. For more on the very exhaustive but necessary means to which he worked towards, listen in. Misconceptions About the Process He says that there will always be those who have knee-jerk reactions to the story, thinking that he only used sex as a distractor; but for anyone who reads Sex Death & Tantra, it would be pretty much impossible to think so afterward. This is the real deal. A Take Home Message Stephen wants to remind listeners that you shouldn't be afraid of pleasure. It has many healing properties and is one of the most powerful tools for the grieving process. But this is just a fragment of what he says during the end of the interview. Really listen along and be attentive to what he says. You won't regret it. Link to Stephen Gregory's book: Sex Death & Tantra - https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Death-Tantra-changed-after/dp/0998281786 ----- More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Things change after having kids and it can become difficult between couples to be on the same page. Jessa Zimmerman is a credentialed sex therapist who helps couples who are struggling with sexual issues – what's working, what's not and how to make things work again. We dig into what sex therapy is, how it works and why Jessa believes it's so important for intimate relationships. You can find show notes and more information by clicking here: https://www.scienceofselfhelppodcast.com/28

On today's regular version of the show … A lengthy conversation with Jessa Zimmerman about how sex can be a lot of work, as well as some discussion of the Higher and Lower Desire paradigm when it comes to sexual differences. On the Xtended version … A deeper discussion of the Higher and Lower Desire […] The post When Sex Seems Like Work #388 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

On today's regular version of the show … A lengthy conversation with Jessa Zimmerman about how sex can be a lot of work, as well as some discussion of the Higher and Lower Desire paradigm when it comes to sexual differences. On the Xtended version … A deeper discussion of the Higher and Lower Desire […]

The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is far more common than many would believe, and I talk about this situation, what causes it and perpetuates its continuance. I also answer the first of my listener questions during this “Soapbox” episode where I get to help you understand this important topic. The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is pretty much the basis for my new book, Sex Without Stress, and today I try to answer some important questions people commonly have about it. Firstly, what is the cycle? And what are all the things that play into it? How do people get trapped into the cycle and why does it make sense that you may be stuck too? And most importantly, how do you get out? You Are Not Alone This cycle is very common, I see it all the time in my practice. It starts with some sort of disappointment around a sexual experience, often leading to avoidance, which can put undue stress and pressure on the sexual piece of a relationship, which can be disappointing…and you can see where this is going. Sex Gets Hard It's normal to have trouble with sex. Things come up. Physical issues like sexual dysfunction, illness or disease, or changes in physical functioning as we age. We all experience challenges within our relationships too. The dynamics change, there are communication or conflict issues, we grow and change as people, and our desires around sex shift as well. Then there's the general busyness of life and things that happen as we get older. Disappointment This is generally the first step towards a lap around the Sexual Avoidance Cycle. There is some negative experience with sex and if it happens on a regular basis, it can make it feel risky to even have sex. It's like a test, but you're not sure how you're going to do. Are you going to pass? Or fail? Sex isn't a test, but this is how people often feel and it can be extremely stressful. It creates a perpetual increase in anxiety around sex which will often lead to… Avoidance You find yourself, or maybe your partner, avoiding conversations about sex. And even avoiding the act itself. Maybe not both of you, but one of you for sure avoids sex or sex talk. It almost becomes natural. All of this then builds… Pressure The topic of sex becomes the “elephant in the room.” What's wrong with us? Why don't we want to have sex? It's definitely on your mind, even if you're not talking about it. This all increases the pressure, so if you do have a sexual encounter, there is enormous pressure on it to be “successful.” And if it isn't, you're back to disappointment. Round and round… How Do You Break the Cycle? First, adjust your expectations so that there is no disappointment. No matter what happens, there is no “failure.” Then, keep communication open and honest to make sure there is no avoidance of the topic of sex. Finally, the pressure to perform is relieved when you approach every experience as a gift you share with your partner. And realize that nothing specific has to happen, which helps adjust your expectations, so there is no disappointment… And the cycle is broken. Listener Questions New to the show, I respond to a listener's questions about difficulties in his relationship. Jessa's book, Sex Without Stress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FQKTLLN/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you're enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

It's all over the news these days and sexual consent is important everywhere, even in a committed relationship. There are no "givens" and consent is required, no matter the situation. Especially if you change something within the relationship. Consent is basically a temporary license which must be renewed, you cannot take anything for granted. It is often quite hard to say "No!" Misunderstandings and miscommunications revolving around sexual consent, expectations, and even entitlement can lead to resentment or consent incidents. Even though the damage may not be intentional, the person who has violated the consent of another, despite differing perceptions, is still responsible for the damage. What do we do when a consent incident happens? Listen to this episode where Jessa Zimmerman interviews Sar Surmick to reveal some tools and strategies to navigate the tricky waters of Consent. The question is not just, "Has consent been given?" It can also be, "Has consent been asked for?" Sar Surmick is the director of the Consent Academy and a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in identity work and couples therapy. With offices in Redmond and Seattle, Sar works with a wide variety of clients specializing in Non-Monogamy, Sex & Gender concerns, Trans* Clients, and BDSM/Kink. Sar teaches as a sex-positive educator focusing on Communication, Identity, and Consent. Sar Surmick - http://significantconnections.com Consent Academy - http://consent.academy.com More info: Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/1 Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Welcome to the very first episode of Better Sex. I'm so glad you're here. The format of the show in the future is going to be largely interview-based, where I'm going to be talking to people with various areas of specialty and expertise that have some bearing on improving your sex life. But first, I want to give you a little chance to know who I am and why I'm doing this. I am a couples counselor and a sex therapist. I'm in private practice in Seattle, at the point of this recording, for about seven and a half years. But, I have people ask me a lot why I decided to become a sex therapist. It is a relatively rare specialty and certification and it started really when I was in graduate school. I was getting my master's degree in order to be a therapist. And early on in the program, we had a presentation by a sex therapist and she referred to her work as mostly grief and loss work. And that just hit me in the gut. I knew in that moment I wanted to be a sex therapist. There was something about resonating or empathizing with the suffering that people feel if their sex life isn't working. Right there in that moment, I knew that's what I wanted to do. I had to finish graduate school, get my master's degree and to finish all the requirements to become licensed as a therapist. So I went through the extensive training required to certify someone as a sex therapist. And I also got a lot of training in couples therapy approaches and from the very beginning of my practice, I have worked almost exclusively with couples. Most people that I see in my practice are struggling with sex even though their bodies are just fine. So nothing is physically wrong but they're having big problems. I see people struggling with desire discrepancy, where one person wants sex more than the other person. I see people fighting about sex. I see people certainly that don't know how to talk about it at all. And I certainly see people that don't have the information that they need to create a good sex life or to feel good about it. So as I meet with dozens of couples each week, I see patterns. I see where people get stuck. I see how a lack of information is going to completely handicap people. If you don't understand how sex works or what's going on, you don't know how to get solutions. I see how unrealistic expectations are killing people's ability to enjoy sex. There is so much misinformation out there. People have these ideas about what sex should be or what performing would look like or whatever it is and that's so in people's way. And I certainly see people not knowing how to talk about sex or the problems that they're having with their partner. Whether they're avoiding the topic completely or whether they end up in fights, they just don't know how to have the conversations they need to have to make it better. So that is really why I've started this podcast. I want to bring you the information you need to make the best possible sex life. So every episode is going to address something different and the topics may not be relevant to you right now, but hopefully, they will add up to a vast wealth of knowledge that will help if you need it at some point in the future. I also want to make it clear that I am inclusive. So I affirm every sexual orientation, gender identity, relationship structure, and consensual sexual behavior that there is. I'm what's called a sex-positive therapist. That really matters to me and I hope you can find that reflected in every episode. And with my guests as well. I'm really excited about this. I hope you're going to join me on this journey. And I wish you a lifetime of satisfying and pleasurable sex. Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/000 Web – http://jessazimmerman.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/seattlecouplescounselor/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/More info and resources: How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast