Podcast appearances and mentions of terry warner

Philosophy of the PodcastWelcome to the Mixtape with Scott, a podcast devoted to hearing the stories of living economists and a non-randomly selected oral history of the economics profession of the last 50 years. Before I introduce this week's guest, I wanted to start off with a quote from a book I'm reading that explains the philosophy of the podcast. “For the large m majority of people, hearing others' stories enables them to see their own experiences in a new, truthful light. They realize — usually instantaneously — that a story another has told is their own story, only with different details. This realization seems to sneak past their defenses. There is something almost irresistible about another person's facing and honoring the truth, without fanfare of any kind, but with courage and clarity and assurance. The other participants feel invited, even emboldened, to stand unflinching before the truth themselves. By opening ourselves even a little to the remarkable spectacle of other people reconsidering their lives, we begin to reconsider our own.” — Terry Warner, Bonds That Make Us FreeThe purpose of the podcast is not to tell the story of living economists. The purpose of the podcast is to hear the stories of living economists as they themselves tell it. It is to make an effort to without judgment just pay attention to the life lived of another person and not make them some non-playable character in the video game of our life. To immature people, others are not real, and the purpose of the podcast is, if for no one else, to listen to people so that they become real, and in that process of listening, for me to be changed.They may sound heavy or it may sound even a little silly. After all, isn't this first and foremost a conversation between two economists? But economists are people first, and the thing I just said is for people. And let's be frank — aren't man of us feeling, at least some of the time, alone in our work? And isn't, at least some of the time, the case that our work is all consuming? I think there are people in my family who still don't understand what my job is as a professor at a university, let alone what my actual research is about. There are colleagues like that too. Many of us are in departments where we may be the only ones in our field, and many of us are studying topics where our networks are thin. And so loneliness is very common. It is common for professors, it is common for students, it is common for people in industry, it is common for people non-profits and it is common for people in government. It is common for people in between jobs. And while the purpose of the podcast is not to alleviate loneliness, as that most likely is only something a person can do for themselves, the purpose is to share in the stories of other people on the hypothesis that that is a gift we give those whose stories we listen to, but it's also maybe moreso the gift we give the deepest part of ourselves. Scott's Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Carlos Cinelli, PhD Statistics, University of Washington's Statistics DepartmentSo, with that said, let me introduce this week's guest. Carlos Cinelli may seem like a guest who does not quite fit, but his is the story of the economics profession in a couple of ways. First, he is someone who left economics. Carlos was an undergraduate major in economics who then did a masters in economics and after doing so left economics (and econometrics) to become a statistician. The leaving of economics is not the road less traveled. By talking to Carlos, and hearing his story, the hope is that the survivor bias of the podcast guests might be weakened if only a tad bit. But Carlos also fits into one of the broader themes of the podcast which is causal inference. Carlos studied at UCLA under two notable figures in the history of econometrics and causal inference: Ed Leamer in the economics department and Judea Pearl in the computer science department. And Carlos is now an assistant professor at University of Washington in the statistics department whose work consistently moved into domains of relevance in economics, such as his work in the linear of econometric theory and practice by Chris Taber, Emily Oster and others. That work is important and concerns sensitivity analysis with omitted variable bias. And he has also written an excellent paper with Judea Pearl and Andrew Forney detailing precisely the kinds of covariates we should be contemplating when trying to address the claims of unconfoundedness. So without further ado, I will turn it over to Carlos. Thank you again for your support of the podcast. Please like, share and follow!Scott's Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Scott's Substack at causalinf.substack.com/subscribe

Terry Warner, 60 years old, started chatting with a decoy posing as a 13 year old girl. Warner told the decoy the sex acts he wanted to do with her, wanting to be naked, and offered to be her dad or boyfriend. Warner was hesitant as he arrived at a beach close to the sting house. He declared he shouldn't be there and departed when the decoy, who was portrayed by Casey Mauro, tried to get him to stay. Then Chris emerged and confronted Warner. Warner repeatedly said he wouldn't do anything with the girl, but he later admitted talking to his attorney and bringing a webcam, candles, and a bra.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Being self-centered and self-absorbed is the absolute antithesis of being honest, simple, solid, and true. Click or tap here to view the speech page on our website.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Making mistakes is a part of life, but for leading entrepreneurs, when those mistakes affect our relationships with others, it is extremely difficult to know how to move forward. Host Katie Richardson sits down today to talk about what to do when you make a mistake that affects others. Instead of replying with excuses or white lies on instinct, learn to confront the situation and take ownership of your role in it, apologize without giving the backstory, and move forward in a way that is aligned with your integrity.3 Key TakeawaysConfront the issue and own your part of it. This means acknowledging what you did wrong, and taking responsibility for your part in the situation.Apologize without giving a backstory. It will be difficult not to give reasoning behind your decision, but it is the best way to align yourself with your team and rebuild trust.Ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, it doesn't even need to be a long apology, and it may not feel fair at the time, but it will set you free. ResourcesThe Bonds that Make Us Free by Terry Warner

Have you ever felt stuck in a personal or professional relationship? Have you felt like the harder you try to improve the relationship, the worse it gets, or the more you try to escape, the harder it is to actually make progress? In our last episode, I introduced you to my guest and genius behind the Arbinger Institute, Professor C Terry Warner. In Part One, he shared the story of unlocking one of the great mysteries of psychology. In this episode, he will teach you how to actually apply that surprising insight in your life and relationships. By the end of this episode, you will know how to begin the journey of breaking through the most intractable relationships of your life. Join my weekly newsletter at GregMcKeown.com/1mw Learn more about my books and courses at GregMcKeown.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever felt seriously stuck in a relationship where the harder you tried, the worse it got? I am thrilled to have one of the wisest people I have ever had the fortune of knowing to be joining us – Professor C Terry Warner. His book Bonds That Make Us Free, changed my life more than once and I return to it regularly. This is part one of two, Warner shares the story behind one of the most startling discoveries in psychology over the last 50 years. By the end of this episode, you will understand what keeps you trapped in the most frustrating relationships of your life work or at home.  Join my weekly newsletter at GregMcKeown.com/1mw Learn more about my books and courses at GregMcKeown.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fourth episode of the podcast series where the UDOT LCC EIS project team discusses the cog rail alternative. If you want to know what a cog rail is and how it could function, give the whole episode a listen to, not just the preview. Thanks for being here!

FBU Club nr 54Letture Preziose: Leadership e AutoingannoQuesta sera l'ospite non è una persona ma un libro. Il libro è Leadership e Autoinganno curato da The Arbinger Institute. The Arbinger Institute è stato fondato nel 1979 da Terry Warner, il professore che ha trovato la chiave al nocciolo della questione al cuore delle scienze umane: il problema dell'auto-inganno. Ovvero il rischio dei meccanismi di difesa per cui noi siamo dalla parte del giusto e gli altri da quella dell'errore. L'unica alternativa è coltivare un atteggiamento mentale aperta, orientata all'esterno e alla relazione.Il libro è quello che gli americani chiamano business novel, temi aziendali affrontati e raccontati attraverso una storia, che non sveleremo. Ma avremo modo di vedere il modello che l'Arbinger Institute propone e di riflettere su quanto autoinganno sia presente nelle nostre vite e come lavorare per superarlo.Il librohttps://www.piccin.it/it/varia/2460-leadership-e-auto-inganno-come-uscire-dalla-scatola-9788829929900.htmlIl sito dell'Arbinger Institutehttps://arbinger.com/E per tenerti aggiornato su FBUIl sitohttps://familybusinessunit.com/La nostra newsletterhttps://familybusinessunit.com/comincia-subito/E il canale telegramhttps://t.me/fbuclub

Third episode of the podcast series where the UDOT LCC EIS project team discusses the two gondola alternatives. For more info on the gondola alternatives being considered, definitely listen to the whole thing, not just the preview. Thanks to everyone who has been following along!

In the 19th century, Wisconsin’s Territorial Legislature divided Milwaukee County into seven townships. Five of them eventually became municipalities: Milwaukee, Wauwatosa, Greenfield, Franklin, and Oak Creek. But two of those original townships were absorbed by the city of Milwaukee and live on now only as neighborhood names: Lake and Granville. Last year Bubbler Talk explored the history of Lake . Now, we’ll travel to the northwest corner of Milwaukee County for Chapter 2: Granville. Terry Warner sent us the question that prompted this story. He grew up in Elm Grove, and remembers as a child in the 1950s and '60s, making the drive east to his grandmother in Bayside. “I just looked out the window — we didn’t have any entertainment,” Warner recalls. “The way you survived a road trip was you looked out the window and looked at things.” He remembers driving through the village of Granville on a regular basis. “Once you were north of Appleton Ave., you were in the country, you were really

The Arbinger Institute was founded in 1979 by Dr. C. Terry Warner, the scholar who solved the central problem at the heart of the human sciences: the problem of self-deception. That work revealed two distinct mindsets from which people and organizations operate—a self-focused inward mindset and an others-inclusive outward mindset—and the path to sustainably changing mindset and results.We help individuals, teams, and organizations move from the default self-focus of an inward mindset to the results-focus of an outward mindset. Through training, coaching, consulting, and a suite of implementation tools, we enable organizations and their people to achieve results that are only possible with an outward mindset.https://arbinger.com

Forgiveness is an elusive topic, and yet possible with a "mindset to forgive." Mindset is one's mental disposition. Our automatic thoughts. Forgiveness is a character strength. If you take a moment to visit the VIA Character Strengths Survey, you will learn how strong of a trait this is in your life. If it’s not a strength for you or for me, it can be developed. In his book “Forgiving What you’ll never Forget,” David Stoop wrote the following: “To forgive is, in the English language, an extended, expanded, strengthened form of the verb to give. By intensifying the verb we speak of giving at its deepest level, of self-giving, or giving forth and giving up deeply held parts of the self. We give up the right to revenge, to perfection, to justice, and instead we give forth to ourselves—or to the other person—freedom from the past and an openness toward the future. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves and others.” (p. 21) In order to need forgiveness, we must first have judged that something SHOULD have happened. Or, something should NOT have happened. Either way, something is very wrong, and based on what we believe to be true, we might also believe that someone should fix it, make it right, or pay for it. These beliefs are stories that go with our thoughts about what happened. About Forgiveness For today’s podcast, we’ll consider whether forgiveness is a mindset, and these questions: How have you typically defined forgiveness? Why should we forgive? How do we do it? HOW HAVE YOU TYPICALLY DEFINED FORGIVENESS? I used to define forgiveness as something I might want from others, when I have made a mistake. I thought it meant that I would apologize, try to fix whatever I did, and ask the other person involved to give me forgiveness. When I thought about forgiveness this way, it seemed that I could never be in control of it. Someone else, outside of me, had the power over forgiveness. Perhaps I could never do enough to earn their forgiveness. If that was true, then no matter how sorry I was, or how much I tried to fix things, ultimately someone else could decide whether I could let it go, feel better, and move on. Expecting forgiveness to come from someone else is a common way to think about it, but there are several reasons why this is a problem. Have you ever defined forgiveness this way? If we look at forgiveness as something someone else gives the offending person, there would be no forgiveness when someone has died, when there isn’t any way to contact the other person, or when the offender has truly changed and made things right but the victim is holding tightly with an unwilling heart. So, for many reasons, forgiveness is not something we can expect to get from other people. In his book “Bonds that Make Us Free,” Terry Warner defines forgiveness this way: “Forgiveness, correctly understood, is the process by which we open ourselves to the reality of others and thereby undergo a profound personal change.” When someone asked about how you can forgive another person and forget at the same time, Warner went on to say that “we cannot accuse someone in our heart and at the same time forget about the wrong we’re accusing them of doing.” After all, in order to forgive, we must first accuse someone of wrongdoing. Accusation and Blame Basically, when we believe that someone has offended us, or wronged us, we accuse and blame them. We might hate, resent, or hurt them in return. We harden our hearts against the other person and build invisible walls to separate ourselves from them. It’s like we start a war with someone who has hurt us, because we believe they have done something wrong. And, in doing this, we are doing something wrong ourselves. We are harboring blame and accusations toward the other person. And, we are justifying why we are stuck in some way, because of what the other person has done. Examples of Being "Stuck"

Always Learning Today on Finding Center we will first hear from Nancy Wentworth with her BYU devotional address titled, "Our Eternal Education." Then we will hear from C. Terry Warner with his BYU devotional address titled, "An Education of the Whole Soul."

The Miracle of Forgiveness from the Podcast Series-- Seeing Gods Hand As we talk today we will explore how Joanna has seen the hand of God working in her life, to soften her heart and change her, and bring about reconciliation with her mother and the miracle of forgiveness.So many of our listeners throughout the world have grown up in dysfunctional homes, and experienced emotional abuse. They are left with deep wounds and scars that are difficult to heal. Joanna’s story helps us realize that with God nothing is impossible and if we we will allow Him, God will heal our broken hearts and all our wounds. Read more about Joana’s story https://www.ldsliving.com/How-Family-History-Work-Healed-My-Relationship-with-My-Mother/s/86759We referenced the book “Bonds that Make us Free” by Terry Warner and recommend it for more help with emotional healing. Support the show (https://findingjoyandpeace.com/)

C. Terry Warner shares stories from his life as he learned that being self-centered is the antithesis of being honest, simple, solid, and true. Support the show.

Major breakthrough. For me, at least. Depression is not forgiving yourself, just as you get spiritually sick (and maybe physically) if you fail to forgive another. That's the big insight. Terry Warner already did the work of explaining how when we don't forgive another we get spiritually sick. Apparently we can do the same exact thing, only with ourselves, and that's depression. We are self-reflective beings, which makes that possible. Forgiveness, whether of another or ourselves, is only possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. And that whether you realize it or not - works the same. Have we wrestled depression to the ground?? We'll talk about this more.

Major breakthrough. For me, at least. Depression is not forgiving yourself, just as you get spiritually sick (and maybe physically)… Read more 18: The Essence of Depression

Welcome to the People Are The Plan™ Podcast from Smart, Savvy + Associates. Each episode, we'll talk about how to grow leaders that inspire, build teams that thrive, and create work cultures that rock. Today, we’re talking with Jim McNeal. Jim McNeal Client Solutions Director at Arbinger Institute, Jim McNeal, shares the two distinct mindsets from which people and organizations operate. One is a self-focused inward mindset and the other is an inclusive outward mindset. He shares how we can make a sustainable change of mindset and the results and impact this type of change can make. About the Arbinger Institute The Arbinger Institute was founded in 1979 by Dr. C. Terry Warner, the scholar who solved the central problem at the heart of the human sciences: the problem of self-deception. That work revealed two distinct mindsets from which people and organizations operate—a self-focused inward mindset and an others-inclusive outward mindset—and the path to sustainably changing mindset and results. Today, Arbinger Institute helps individuals, teams, and organizations move from the default self-focus of an inward mindset to the results-focus of an outward mindset. Through training, coaching, consulting, and a suite of implementation tools, we enable organizations and their people to achieve results that are only possible with an outward mindset. In this episode we'll talk about: The implications of mindset on business and leadership How the two primary mindset types - inward and outward - drive our decision making For better or for worse, how both mindsets drive people and organizations Practical ways we can shift our focus and adopt an outward mindset

The Arbinger Institute provides training, consulting, coaching, and implementation tools that move individuals, teams, and organizations from the default self-focus they call an inward mindset to the results focus of an outward mindset. My guest Jim Ferrell is one of the managing founders of the organization that is rapidly growing around the world.  The Arbinger Institute was founded in 1979 by Dr. C. Terry Warner, the scholar who solved the central problem at the heart of the human sciences: the problem of self-deception. That work revealed two distinct mindsets from which people and organizations operate—a self-focused inward mindset and an others-inclusive outward mindset—and the path to sustainably changing mindset and results. Today, Jim unpacks for us our self-deceiving behaviors (going inward) and how to turn outward. Listen, when I read the books, Leadership and Self-Deception, The Anatomy of Peace and The Outward Mindset, I began calling people to apologize for my behaviors. This is great stuff. I hope you have a few minutes to listen. About the Host: John Register, CSP, Gulf War Army Veteran, Paralympic Silver Medalist, and professional keynote speaker who shares life lessons increases business leaders ability to connect more authentically with their teams. View John's speaking trailer by clicking here.

I would like to propose that one great source of light we violate when we self-deceive is the light of Christ. Also known in scripture as the spirit of Christ, this light proceeds from the presence of God to fill the immensity of space, gives us our knowledge of right from wrong, is the very light and life of men, and is the very law by which all things are governed. To me this means that we can't escape it. When we go against this light, whether consciously or not, we must self-deceive, in order to justify ourselves. That's the theory--that we absolutely can't violate it without deceiving ourselves. This lays the groundwork for everything we'll discuss later. See what you think. Oh, and we just solved the whole philosophical problem of how we know what is moral or not.

C. Terry Warner, a philosophy professor at Brigham Young University until his retirement, has made unprecedented strides in the area of self-deception, especially as it relates to social interactions. I have seen no one else treat his subject better. Studying self-deception without talking about Terry Warner would be a little like studying physics without talking about Einstein. I am greatly indebted to him for my knowledge in this area and will forever be grateful I was ever able to study under him.

Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life.   They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home.   So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?”   That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio…   [00:01] Welcome back to balance redefined. It's Connie Sokol and I have a fabulous things I want to share with you today.   [00:07] They're in real time because I've just experienced this and I really want to share this while I'm in the moment.   [00:13] So for our timeframe, whenever you're listening to this, we have just had Halloween and we have experienced the day after which is the Halloween hangover.   [00:22] It is real people. It is real...   [00:24] That sugar thing that coming off that high. Honest to Pete.   [00:29] Anyway, so I've had four children at home and doing the Halloween thing, but this actually started before that. It's just kind of come to this apex during this time, so I want to take you back for a minute...   [00:40] As I'm talking about creating trust and respect with your children...   [00:43] I want to take you back to just before that because for some reason I had been noticing this upswing in my children. There was this kind of moodiness and this kind of entitled kind of talk and conversation.   [00:58] Have you experienced that with your children at all? Whether they're young or they're teenage or their adult? I have them in all three. I have elementary, junior high, high school and out of high school right now.   [01:09] So I run the gamut...   [01:10] I just kinda kept getting these pulses of this moodiness, entitled responses and expectations. These are good kids. Trust me, they are really good kids. I love them. They're great. I can say that as a mom and an unbiased person, they're good kids, but I just watched this sort of...   [01:25] You know when you get on the top of the hill and then it starts going downhill and I don't know why that is. Someone explained this to me because you're working at, as a mom, you're trying to keep this happy, joyful environment in your home.   [01:38] In fact, I'm going to do a podcast about this other piece, but my daughter just told me the other day that I was just way too positive.   [01:44] Yeah, I was way too positive...   [01:45] I'm like, "Girl, you need to get out more. I going to have you go live with one of your friend's parents that wake up their children by saying, 'Get up,' instead of, " 'Good morning, darlings.' "   [01:45] Anyway, so you can see this moodiness and entitlement...   [01:45] How do I respond to this?   [01:45] Well, my tendency is to be like, "Oh, are they having a hard time? Well, what can I do more to be helpful? Maybe I can help them with their chore or maybe they're just struggling at school and I talk with them..."   [01:45] Yeah, there's some struggles and so I try to do kind things, but then what happens? Then I noticed that because I make it easier for them, what do they do?   [01:45] They love it and they kind of unintentionally maybe intentionally at times they take advantage of that and they like the easiness of the way.   [02:27] Certainly not like me... I mean who doesn't want to have the easiness of the way?   [02:32] But anyway, notice this moodiness, entitlement, and this sort of expectation...   [02:37] That should have been my first clue that this was going to be a learning experience, but you know how when you notice something that's going on in your family dynamic and then it sort of all funnels into one symbolic representation of that.   [02:50] So maybe a situation, experience, or a word set this off. For me it was piles, it was these piles that my daughter leaves around the house.   [03:00] I have a daughter who just literally wherever she goes, kind of that pig pen thing, She's just so fun and happy and joyful that you don't really connect it until you walk around the house and you see all these piles.   [03:13] I've expressed to her before, kind of with the laughter, but I literally can look at and predict what she did all day long by going around the piles.   [03:22] "That's where she came in from school and put her stuff down, and then that's where she got her snack at the counter, and then that's where she went down in the family room and she was watching a show, and then this is where she went upstairs trying to figure out what she was going to wear and then left it all there and then went downstairs.   [03:34] I can just follow it and I will share it with her and I am literally spot on. I am not prophetic. It's just pretty much predictable. So these piles, these were the things that were becoming a trigger for me.   [03:46] Do you have that as a parent where you know it's not the thing itself, it's the repetition and the annoyance and the inconvenience all the time of this thing and so these piles were just getting on my nerves.   [03:59] I'd asked, had been sweet, I'd been encouraging, I'd offered that kind of incentive. I'd done a lot of different typical parental things and still the piles continue. I mean we're talking for years.   [04:09] Okay. So about this time I happened to see in my closet this book that I had read years and years ago it's called "Leadership and Self Deception," and it's by the Urban Institute. I know that because one of the people who is in charge of that and the founder is Terry Warner. He was a professor at the college that I attended.   [04:28] He actually had a friend who was in his program. When we were hanging out together he would read a lot of his stuff and share it with me.   [04:34] It was amazing, amazing psychology...   [04:41] In fact, one of the best speeches that I've heard, if you go to BYU speeches, it's "Honest, Simple, Solid and True." I believe that's the name of it, but it's fantastic.   [04:53] It's a talk and I've highlighted it. I've got a copy of it that I refer to and read. It's wonderful...   [04:59] Okay. Segway back in...   [05:01] So I pick up this Self Deception and Leadership book. I walked by it again and I thought I should read that book now. So I picked up the book and that night I started reading through it.   [05:17] I had no intention of reading a lot. I was just gonna read a little bit and just see if I liked it again...   [05:22] And I really did. I loved it...   [05:24] This is the concept that hit me. It's what this whole book really is about. It's being in the box or out of the box. Now, if you remember, this was kind of a buzzword many years ago. It really came back to me in the box or out of the box.   [05:39] Let me simply explain.   [05:40] In the box means that when you have a choice of how you want to behave, you will either do the good thing that you know you should do or you're going to stay in the box and defend blame, justify, or excuse why you aren't going to do that good thing that you know you should do.   [06:03] So he gives an example and this character in the book and he says, "So the other night, my wife and I were asleep in bed. We hear the baby wake up except that I'm the one that heard the baby wake up first. I'm laying there hearing the baby and I'm thinking, 'I should go get that baby and I should do that for Nancy and I should go get the baby for her.' "   [06:22] Then the very next thought that comes to him is, "why do I have to do it?"   [06:26] "I had a presentation this morning, why do I have to do. I work really hard. That's her job, like why is she sleeping through the baby and why is she still laying there when I am now feeling...I got to go and get this baby like that's not even what I'm supposed to be doing."   [06:38] Before he knows it, he's blaming, justifying, excusing, and doing all of these things and suddenly his feelings towards Nancy change to negative emotions.   [06:48] He's annoyed, resentful, frustrated, judging and what's Nancy doing Nancy's asleep. She's out. She's been up with that baby since day one and so she's out.   [07:01] Right? I can totally relate to that-having four kids ages six and under. Oh Man.   [07:04] And you're on call every 45 minutes, hour and a half and you're just thinking, "Is there a day that I will ever be able to sleep a full night sleep again?" And the answer is, "No."   [07:14] If it's not then and later on, you're worried about them as adult children. I don't know. Anyway, it's all good. I actually do sleep really well now because I've learned some really great coping skills that I'll share in another podcast.   [07:23] So back to the "out of the box in the box..."   [07:25] Have you ever found yourself doing that? Maybe you didn't turn in a report on time and before you know it, you're blaming so-and-so who didn't get this stuff to you in time, who didn't send you the email and you didn't do blah or you're kind of telling us sort of a truth, but not really because you're leaving out some information just so what makes you look better, but you're in that box and you're staying in that box and you are defending being in that box.   [07:49] So I'm reading this and I'm thinking, "Am I in the box? When am I in the box?"   [07:56] Guess what was the first thing that came to me? Piles.   [07:58] I thought about my daughter's piles and guess what I thought where did she get that from? Like where does this come from? She gets it from me. I realize full on she gets it from me.   [08:14] I could see right around me, before me, in my room. I've got the next to my desk, I got my stack of books to read pile below my desk. I've got a stack of books in a basket and to stack pile. I've got a pile of papers that I've been meaning to file and I started them and so I know exactly what I'm doing with them, but I just had that little bit left to do pile. I've got my scripture study stuff over by my chair, my books and my information pile....   [08:41] I have piles!   [08:42] I did not even realize that. This did not hit me until this moment and I just started laughing and I thought the first thought I had about my piles was, "Well, yeah, but I keep them in my room and they're only my room and I know what they're for. When I'm reading and when I want to read the right there and when I have my piles for my business stuff and build stuff, I know what they're for. I know what everything's for."   [09:05] Well then that makes it all better, right? Because I'm the mom and my piles make sense? Hello? They make sense to my daughter. They make total sense to her. So it was a beautiful learning moment. So then I had to decide what am I going to do with I am learning. Right?   [09:23] So I was grateful that I decided to go ahead and have a family council and we did and I said, "Sweetnesses, I really need to talk about this principle..."   [09:31] And of course they're all on a snoring, right? They're all like, "Do we have to talk about serious stuff?"   [09:36] And they're all crowded on the bed and on the chair next to my bed and it's late last night and we're talking and I said, I want to share this with you. I don't want to get your thoughts on this. So I shared the concept of in the box and out of the box and my experience with the piles and the one daughter has the pile.   [09:52] She's nodding off because she's just had three hours of dance and a crazy busy day at school and she is seriously exhausted. And I'm like almost pinging her like, "Hey, wake up, this is important stuff. This applies to you."   [10:01] It's okay because it's just not ever going to be one of those hallmark moments right in the movies.   [10:06] It's just going to be what it is. So we plowed on and what was beautiful is that my sweet daughter, one of them, when I said, "Have you seen this? Do you experience this? Because this is my experience. What's yours?" my sweet daughter who had been moody and rude, she said, "You know what mom? I actually was thinking about this last night and the night before."   [10:26] The night before it was Halloween. I had gone all over tarnation getting the right things for her party that she was having. And she wanted to have the Harry Potter butterbeer that's the cream soda.   [10:35] She was excited about the pizza and then these yummy treats and different things that I was gathering for everyone to have a really fun time.   [10:41] What happened is after her Halloween party, she came up so exhausted that she was cranky.   [10:45] Then she was cranky the next morning and I was like, "Hey girl, where's the payoff if you're cranky and anxiety ridden during just stressful times, but then when you have a party in your anxiety ridden, like where's the payoff for us, your family members?"   [10:58] So she said, "You know what mom?..."   [11:00] "I realized I went to bed that night and I was thinking, 'Mom did a lot of nice stuff for me today and I was actually kind of mean."   [11:09] Nice. She had that learning course. I kept it inside saying, "You could have expressed that to me and I would've really appreciated it," but the bottom line is she got the learning and that was a pretty amazing moment for me is that she got it...   [11:23] She apologized and we talked about what we can do differently to be out of the box and how we can be kind and loving and not blaming, justifying all of those things.   [11:33] So we ended up making a choice. I said, "If I continue to see that behavior when I've tried to be extra kind, what I'm going to do is just be kindly candid. I'm going point it out and there's going to be a consequence because I've tried it this way and that didn't work, so we'll try it that way."   [11:46] And they agreed. They totally agreed...   [11:47] So I said, "The consequences will be one of three choices. I'll either give you an chore, I'll take away a privilege, or I will charge money because it will depend if I want a pedicure or not. So that will be the deciding factor."   [12:01] But they were beautiful and they all agreed because this has been going on for several weeks and it's time for it to stop. I've done all the nice-nice. No more Ms. Nice-Mom. So we all gave little loves and we had prayer.   [12:14] It was a thing of beauty and I'm like, "Oh good job. Everybody. Nice work."   [12:19] I woke up this morning and they woke up happy. It was a good thing and everybody got out the door and it was beautiful and that was fantastic.   [12:27] Then I walk in and sure to shootin' that one daughter had her clothes dropped on the floor and she didn't take out the garbage like she promised she would last night.   [12:35] So I had a choice in that moment and I thought, "You know, I'm going to follow through on the consequence when she gets home."   [12:43] The difference was that I did not have the same anger or frustration. All of that was gone. It was gone. And I didn't have that same annoyed feeling about it. I've just felt very clear and very clean inside. We've talked about it, we've agreed on it.   [13:03] This is just about training and helping them to learn a life skill.   [13:07] That's okay. So even though I have to dole out a consequence, there isn't this feeling of, "That's it!" you know, that sometimes we get as a parent, "Okay, I have been so patient and now the hammer is down." I love that in the movie from Pixar with the, about the moods Inside Out.   [13:23] Whereas like the foot is down, the foot is down, and sometimes we feel that way as a parent. "Now I'm really going Parent today because you have been taken advantage of me and now the foot is down."   [13:33] I didn't feel any of that. I just actually felt great love and I smiled to myself and I thought she's doing great.   [13:39] She got up and she got up happy and that was her ability to move forward on that and now she'll be able to take it to the next level. She'll be able to pick up those clothes and she'll be able to remember to take out a garbage because now there'll be an incentive to remind her, which is what I call those consequences, those reverse incentives.   [13:57] So anyway, I just wanted to share this with you because it was such a beautiful experience of being able to let go of that anger and let go of the frustration that I had. And again, I've mentioned this before, but I truly feel the number one tip to remember in parenting is not to take it personally.   [14:17] Sometimes what we do is when they don't pick up their clothes or they don't do the things we've asked them to do, they don't come home on time, they don't do these things and they do it over and over. We start taking it personally.   [14:27] But if we want to create an atmosphere of love and trust and respect with our children, between them and us, we really need to go through some of these steps.   [14:37] So let me take you back for a second and first not take it personally and realize that what we're doing is we are training, we're teaching, we're modeling, we're giving them the opportunity to learn life skills.   [14:50] It's not that they're trying to be mean and rude and whatever. They're at their appropriate age levels and stages of life. And I'm expecting them to act like they're adults. And so it is important that we come at it from, wow, how can I experienced this or deal with this experience in a way that will increase the trust and respect of my children?   [15:14] So I could have at the very beginning when there were moody and Annoying and this entitlement thing, I could have just ripped them a new one and said, hey you guys, this is ridiculous, like you have the best life ever and you just saw that go into the orphanage. You saw that.   [15:28] So how can we even say those things are complaining about this or whatever. I could have just responded like that and not that I haven't in the past, but when we go at it from a proactive lens of, okay, how can I deal with this increasing trust and respect, I was able to take what I was learning for myself, apply it to myself first.   [15:48] Wow, do I do that? Do I have an experience like this? Is there something here that I need to learn and then be able to say, okay, let's have family council. How can I do the buying with this? How can I get their thoughts and their experiences and their perspective?   [16:03] Because maybe just maybe I'll give him that opportunity to see it themselves first and then they'll be able to share with me their own insights. So if you recall what I just said, I was so excited that first I saw the learning, which was miracle, right? I saw the learning and then create an opportunity for us to talk about it, which was on our big bed so that it wasn't this, "My eyeballs are in your eyeballs" and then it's all serious and look what you did wrong. It wasn't like that.   [16:31] It was more of like, "Okay, how can we have this discussion about it in a comfortable, safe and familiar place?"   [16:37] And then it was, I really am going to listen to you. I want to hear what you have to say about this. This is how this is feeling to me. Does this feel the same way to you? And I gave them the opportunity to share before I ripped him a new one.   [16:49] No no no.   [16:50] So I gave them the opportunity to share and I was so happy to see that there had been learning that I wasn't aware of and that they just had not expressed to me. Thank goodness saved their bacon.   [17:01] And then we came to a place of understanding. Now, again, not complete understanding because one of my kids was sleeping, but this understanding of, wow, I respect what you've said and your experience and I appreciate you respecting mine.   [17:13] What can we do to resolve this? You know what? I think we can come up with this X, Y, Z solution, and that's what we did.   [17:19] We said, "Okay, this will we agree that if we don't do these things, then we agree to these consequences and you can choose which one that is and we will know that we've agreed to it and it's fair."   [17:31] I love that kind of communication and connection and I felt in that moment I felt that spirit. I felt that goodness.   [17:39] I felt that trust and respect increased between us and that was proved out by when we had family prayer, that one child that had said, "Hey, I was thinking that maybe you know, you had done so much for me and I was kind of mean." She actually included in her prayer and she's not kind of one of those...thrill prayers or like,   [17:57] "Hey, let's really have prayer." Really loves it...   [17:59] But she said, "Wow, we are really thankful for what we've talked about tonight and thankful for the family that we have and the feeling that we have here. She said some really sweet things, so it was worth it.   [18:10] It was worth me thrown out that anger and frustration and doing it differently. Owning my own stuff, giving them an opportunity to own theirs, to create that increase trust and respect between each other.   [18:22] So if you want more on this, I have a studio five segment. If you go to http://conniesokol.com/ you can get my latest studio five segment. I talk about the relationships with your children, secure, insecure and dysfunctional attachments and how you can strengthen and increase those.   [18:36] You can also get it on Ksl.com/studio five, so you can get those and as always, if you want more of this kind of everyday living and upleveling that everyday living, you're welcome to go on my website and get my free masterclass, five keys to balance redefined and you're welcome to get that masterclass and learn a whole bunch of wonderful things.   [18:56] I'm loving the feedback that I'm still getting from people on this master class of how its blessing and changing their lives.   [19:02] Again, that's at [inaudible] dot com and you can just go on the homepage and it's right there. Always love to share anything I can that will help boost you and see the good you're doing and then up level where you want to up level and I love you sharing with me the things that you've learned.   [19:17] So please feel free to post below and share some tips that have worked for you and creating trust and respect with your children. And feel free to put #team. #teamlive, #parenting, #parent connection, #trust, respect, connection, whatever sounds good to you.   [19:36] Put that Hashtag on them. We want to share and get it out there. Thank you so much once again for enjoying and sharing and connecting and listening and get ready to get more Balance Redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.

Kimberly White is a freelance writer, certified Arbinger Institute presenter, and former research assistant to its founder, Terry Warner. Her nine months of research for The Shift included dozens of hours working alongside nursing home employees in offices, vans, patient rooms, and kitchens. She recently relocated from Harlem to a small farm town in Pawnee, Illinois to focus on writing. ----- Does your job give you as much satisfaction as you want?  No? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Nationwide, only around half of all employees report that they love what they do. But did you know that you can learn to tweak the way you think in order to make significant increases in your level of happiness at work? In this week’s episode, I speak with Kimberly White, the author of the book The Shift: How Seeing People as People Changes Everything. In her book, White explores some of the life-changing lessons she learned over the nine months she spent with nursing home employees in an attempt to uncover why they the profession has an average job satisfaction level which far exceeds workers in other industries.   Throughout our discussion, White touches on the importance of positivity and offers advice on how to avoid a toxic environment by getting rid of the negative ripple effect. White suggests by viewing coworkers and employees as authentic humans instead of as tools to help you achieve your own goals, you can create a more positive and enjoyable work environment. White illustrates practical applications of several of the techniques she presents in her book through personal antidotes and describes how to use these approaches to improve all areas of your life. Do you want to discover the secrets to making immense and immediate changes in your happiness level? Listen to the full episode! Ways to contact Kimberly: Website: KimberlyWhiteBooks.com

Kimberly White breaks down why seeing people as people dramatically increases productivity at work and in life.   You'll Learn:   What you miss when you see people as objects How seeing people as people turbocharges problem-solving Three ways to change the way you perceive people     About Kimberly Kimberly White is the perpetually amused mother of some very theatrical children, and the lucky wife of the funniest person she’s ever known. Her nine months of research for The Shift included dozens of hours working alongside nursing home employees in offices, showers, vans, patient rooms, kitchens, and one very creepy basement. Kimberly earned a degree in philosophy, studying under C. Terry Warner and serving as his longtime research assistant. She was editor of her department’s undergraduate philosophy journal and copy editor for Epoche: A Journal for the History of Philosophy. She has also worked for the Arbinger Institute as a group instructor and as a first-draft editor of Leadership and Self-Deception. Kimberly’s family recently moved from Harlem to the village of Pawnee, Illinois, where they have gloried in mid-western sunsets and accumulated pets at an alarming rate.   View transcript, show notes, and links at http://AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep323

Well folks I just turned 40 and my only rumination about that is that it’s nothing. More important are a few thoughts I had about being an Elders Quorum President, some thoughts from Terry Warner from the preface of his book Bonds that Make Us Free, and how we might falsely consider that we’re either … Continue reading "Episode 28: 40th Birthday, Elder, Bonds and Equality"

Come on my jog with me! More on Terry Warner, a little about a remarkable writer named Flannery O’Connor, and some on another book I read about the American auto industry’s history, called Crash Course: The American Automobile Industry’s Road to Bankruptcy and Bailout-and Beyond. Mostly dysfunctional story, like anything else I guess, with some … Continue reading "Episode 27: Terry, Flannery O’Connor, and Crash Course on a Jog"

The Long awaited time has come to introduce you to the thoughts of a phenomenon of a remarkable man and thinker, Terry Warner (aka C Terry Warner), who has pioneered thought into the causes of what I’ll call maladaptive behavior, namely self-deception, which happens as an effect of, or really is an integral part of, … Continue reading "Episode 26: Terry Warner and Neat Kid Music"