My Inner Torch

Send us a text

Send us a textToday we take a "Look Back Listen" to the Emotional Con Game, originally uploaded three years ago in 2022. Unfortunately, this is something that remains relevant in Cluster B relationships today and was one of my downloaded episodes. Enjoy!

Send us a text

Send us a text

Send us a text

Send us a text

Send us a text

Send us a text

Send us a text

Send us a textI've come to understand my relationship through the metaphor of the sinking Titantic. Just as the Titanic's unsinkable reputation proved false, the initial charm of my relationship masked its ultimately destructive nature. I entered the relationship believing in its potential, but the reality was a predetermined failure. It was like I was a passenger boarding a ship, unaware of its impending doom.Denial and the Illusion of HopeI constantly denied the problems in my relationship, even when faced with obvious signs of abuse or dysfunction. Despite mounting evidence, my denial was similar to passengers refusing to believe the Titanic could sink. I now realize this denial led to prolonged suffering and prevented me from moving on. I clung to hope, which blinded me from facing the reality of my situation and taking steps towards healing. It was like being caught in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme, hoping against all odds for a positive outcome.The Importance of Self-Acceptance and HealingAccepting my relationship's failure was incredibly difficult, especially with the deep emotional investment and trauma bonding I experienced. My long-term relationship was marked by abuse and neglect. However, I've reframed this painful experience as a learning opportunity that allowed me to grow and develop a way to help others. I understand now that recognizing the abusive nature of the relationship was the first step towards healing and reclaiming my self-worth. I learned that hope for change is usually false, and true healing requires completely disentangling oneself from the toxic relationship.Reclaiming Identity and Moving ForwardI now urge myself to prioritize my well-being. While diagnosis can be helpful, I've learned that recognizing the toxicity of a relationship is sufficient to justify ending it. I've sought outside help through counseling, but I know that lasting change depends on my self-reflection, accepting the relationship's failure, and committing to my self-esteem and self-value. My focus is now on reclaiming my identity and moving forward, independent of any approval or validation from a Cluster B personality.Support the show

Send us a textI've learned through painful personal experience how challenging it can be to maintain a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits. My journey has been filled with emotional turmoil, constantly investing love and energy into a connection that never truly reciprocated genuine affection. I found myself trapped in a cycle of hope and disappointment, particularly with a partner I now recognize as a histrionic covert narcissist.My experiences have taught me the critical importance of changing my perspective. I've come to understand that reducing my emotional investment is not a failure, but a necessary act of self-preservation. These individuals, like my wife, consistently evade accountability and excel at emotional manipulation. They create a confusing landscape where love seems just out of reach, always promising connection but never truly delivering.I've realized that non-Cluster B individuals like myself possess qualities these partners fundamentally lack - genuine empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to acknowledge harmful behaviors. Where I sought understanding and growth, my partner only sought control and validation.The most profound lesson I've learned is to focus on my healing and well-being. I no longer seek validation through attempting to make an emotionally unavailable person happy. Instead, I redirect my energy toward understanding myself, recognizing that being in an abusive relationship was never my fault.My journey has been about reclaiming my emotional autonomy, understanding the intricate dynamics of these relationships, and ultimately choosing myself over a destructive connection. I share my story not from a place of bitterness but from a place of compassionate self-discovery and hope for others navigating similar experiences.Support the show

Send us a textRelationships with individuals who have Cluster B traits feel like hitting the jackpot initially. When I first met my wife, the love bombing stage was intoxicating - it was as if I'd won an emotional lottery. The intense affection and attention made me feel special, chosen, and completely swept off my feet. But just like a rigged casino game, the odds were always stacked against me.What started as passionate devotion quickly morphed into constant criticism and emotional manipulation. I found myself increasingly invested, desperately trying to recapture that initial magical connection. It was like chasing a gambling high, knowing deep down that I was setting myself up for the inevitable loss. I began questioning the authenticity of their love, wondering if I was merely a pawn in a complex emotional game.The tragic story of Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie haunted me, serving as a stark reminder of how dangerous emotional dependency can become. I realized I was trapped in a cycle of hoping, believing I could somehow change or fix the relationship, despite clear evidence that would not come to be.Recognizing narcissistic behaviors isn't easy. The emotional turmoil is overwhelming, and the pain of admitting that love might be unreciprocated feels almost unbearable. But I've learned that trying to change someone who is unwilling to change is futile. My energy is better spent understanding myself, breaking these toxic patterns, and valuing my own worth.This journey has been about self-discovery and understanding that true love doesn't come with constant doubt, fear, or the need to prove my value. I deserve genuine connection, respect, and reciprocal love.Support the show

Send us a textIt's Valentine's Day. In reflecting on my own experiences, I often find myself grappling with the emotional challenges of being in a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits, especially during moments that should be filled with love, like Valentine's Day. I can recall times when I poured my heart into expressing my love, only to be met with indifference.  As I look back, particularly on my marriage, I recognize that partners with these toxic traits can struggle to show genuine empathy and care. I've come to understand that while labels like “narcissist” or “borderline” may describe certain behaviors, they pale in comparison to the emotional toll these relationships can take. What matters most is recognizing how damaging these dynamics can be.Through my journey, I've learned the importance of self-love and self-acceptance. It's essential for me to prioritize my worth and to steer clear of relationships that take advantage of my vulnerability. By nurturing my sense of self-love, I believe I can attract healthier connections and protect myself from the emotional fallout of toxic relationships. It's a continuous journey, but I am committed to embracing my worth and cultivating the love I deserve. We deserve better, we just need to acknowledge that. Support the show

Send us a textIn today's podcast, I delve into the emotional challenges I've faced in relationships with partners who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder, narcissism, and psychopathy. I know firsthand how easy it is to stay in these unhealthy dynamics, fueled by the hope that things might change through our own efforts, even when we recognize how detrimental they truly are. Drawing from my 24-year journey, I've come to realize that despite significant investment, positive change often remains elusive, leaving us caught in a painful cycle of confusion and hurt.I reflect on the complexities of recognizing when a relationship is no longer serving me. I understand how challenging it can be to take external advice to leave, especially when personal circumstances make it feel impossible. I've experienced neglect and emotional apathy rather than outright physical abuse, which makes it crucial to evaluate how we are treated and to question whether genuine love can coexist with negative behaviors. I've been caught in cycles of love bombing and dramatic ups and downs, and I've ultimately learned that true care cannot thrive alongside poor treatment.Looking back, I feel a deep sense of regret for not recognizing these harmful patterns sooner. It's incredibly difficult to differentiate between love and manipulation when you're deeply invested. My experiences have taught me that true love should never involve abuse. I want to share these insights with others like you, who may find themselves in similar situations. I encourage you to value your self-worth, make healthier choices, and understand that love should not come with pain or mistreatment. It's so important to believe in ourselves and to be aware of the dynamics at play in our relationships. Be at peace!Support the show

Send us a textIn today's podcast, I share insights from my four years of discussing relationships with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality traits, such as borderline, narcissistic, and psychopathic behaviors. I've realized that true love requires emotional intimacy and vulnerability—qualities that these personalities often struggle to provide. Instead, I've seen how they can use personal information as weapons, which has been quite painful.Reflecting on my own experiences, I found myself in a relationship with someone I suspect is a histrionic covert narcissist. This journey has highlighted the significant challenges of vulnerability and accountability in such dynamics. I describe Cluster B individuals as malicious, egotistical, and manipulative, often driven by a need for narcissistic supply rather than any genuine affection.I've often grappled with the futility of showing love to these individuals. It seems they are primarily seeking validation and can easily manipulate their partners. Breaking trauma bonds has been a struggle for me, and I know the emotional toll of remaining in relationships filled with false hope all too well. I can relate to the despair of “waiting to die,” longing for a change that feels increasingly unlikely.Throughout my journey, I've understood the dangers of romanticizing these relationships and holding onto positive memories, which are often just illusions crafted by their behavior. Ultimately, I emphasize the importance of accepting the reality that Cluster B personalities are unlikely to change. Acknowledging this truth can be emotionally challenging, but it's a vital step in the healing process.I encourage anyone listening to recognize the illusory nature of such relationships and the absence of genuine love and intimacy. If you're looking for more support in your healing journey, I invite you to explore past episodes for additional insights and encouragement. Remember, you are not alone in this.Support the show

Send us a textIn my journey through relationships, I've found myself navigating the complexities and emotional turmoil that come with being involved with covert narcissists or individuals exhibiting borderline personality traits. It's a painful experience that often leaves me confused, full of self-blame, and questioning my worth. I've endured extreme psychological abuse, marked by manipulation, control, and unresolved conflicts that have made it difficult to find my footing.Reflecting on my experience with a wife who clings to past grievances, I can see how it created a chaotic dynamic filled with blame-shifting. This has led to a great deal of emotional pain, a sense of isolation, and the feeling of being trapped. Each time I attempted to step away from the relationship, the abuse intensified, making it even harder to break free.What stands out to me is the deceptive nature of narcissists. They often project a caring facade, hiding their true selves beneath a mask that draws in codependent partners like me, who cling to the hope of rekindling an idealized version of the relationship.I've learned the importance of recognizing my inherent goodness through all this. It's comforting to know that healing and moving forward are possible, even in the face of the shame and confusion from being deceived. I remind myself that I am worthy of love and I can find a path to brighter days ahead.Peace be with you!Support the show

Send us a textIn my journey toward finding personal peace while interacting with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders—such as borderline, narcissistic, or psychopathic traits—I've learned some valuable strategies. I've realized there are five key behaviors I need to avoid: engaging in arguments, pouring my energy into one-sided relationships, trying to “fix” others, hiding my true feelings, and overthinking past events. I've come to understand that it's futile to try to change these individuals; any genuine desire for change has to come from them.I've noticed that people with Cluster B personalities can often be manipulative, using tactics like love bombing, and I've learned that seeking external validation from them is unreliable. It's also been challenging to navigate toxic relationships, especially with family members. Sometimes, I've had to limit contact for the sake of my well-being. Ultimately, I've encouraged myself to recognize these toxic relationships, appreciate the blessings in my life, and shift away from people-pleasing behaviors. This has helped me approach my interactions with a more discerning mindset, which feels empowering.Support the show

Send us a textIn this podcast, I want to share my difficult journey of coming to terms with the reality of relationships involving individuals with Cluster B personality disorders, such as narcissism and borderline personality disorder. After nearly two decades of marriage to a covert narcissist, I felt a deep pain in realizing that a normal, loving relationship was unattainable. The emotional turmoil I experienced included trauma bonds, sleepless nights, and overwhelming feelings of anger and hate, all compounded by my denial of my wife's true nature. Living with someone like this felt like being in a state of purgatory—I appeared happy on the surface, but inside, I felt profoundly unfulfilled and neglected.A pivotal moment for me was when I decided to remove my wedding ring. This simple act symbolized my break from an unhealthy attachment and my acknowledgment that the relationship was not what I had believed it to be. I learned the hard way not to hold onto the hope that manipulative partners would change. I realized that emotional manipulation could severely damage my sense of self.Through this experience, I understood the importance of self-reflection and recognizing my motivations. I realized that maintaining a typical relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality disorder is often unrealistic. By acknowledging that past positive experiences might have been manipulative and recognizing the controlling behaviors of narcissists, I was able to shift my focus from my wife to myself. This shift ultimately led to healthier emotional outcomes for me, allowing me to reclaim my identity and find a sense of peace. Onward!Support the show

Send us a textAs a New Year dawns, I find myself reflecting on the disorientation that can linger after the holiday season, especially for those of us who have navigated challenging relationships with individuals exhibiting Cluster B personality disorders. It's so easy to confuse trauma bonds with true love. I've seen how love bombing—an overwhelming affection often displayed by narcissists or those with borderline traits—can feel intoxicating, but it's not the same as genuine love. I know that trauma bonds can form quickly through that instant attraction, only to later reveal negative traits in a partner. In contrast, true love takes time to develop, characterized by a deeper emotional connection that feels steady and nurturing.I've experienced the dynamics of trauma bonding firsthand, where one partner, like my wife, uses intimacy as a means of control, often echoing lessons from a narcissistic parent. This differs from healthy relationships, which blend physical, emotional, and intellectual connections. I've found myself on an emotional roller coaster, caught in extreme highs and lows that ultimately leave me feeling stagnant and lacking mutual respect with my wife. Important conversations often go unaddressed in these trauma bonds, highlighting the dysfunction that exists.I have felt immense frustration trying to engage in meaningful communication with someone displaying narcissistic traits like my wife. Our discussions often seem to devolve into accusations rather than fostering productive dialogue. I recognize the addictive nature of these trauma bonds, and it has helped me understand the stark differences in healthy relationships, which are built on mutual respect and effective communication. As I enter this new year, I hold onto a sense of hope for new beginnings and encourage myself and you, the listener, to seek healthier connections that nourish our well-being.Support the show

Send us a textIn my journey through relationships with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders, particularly those with narcissistic and borderline traits, I've encountered a whirlwind of emotional challenges and complexities. Drawing on insights from Annie about narcissistic abuse, I've identified 13 specific difficulties that resonate deeply with my experiences. For instance, I often find myself confused about what constitutes normal behavior, as erratic interactions leave me questioning my own perceptions. The overwhelming negativity can be paralyzing, making even the simplest daily tasks feel daunting.I struggle with harsh self-judgment, constantly influenced by relentless criticism that seems to echo in my mind. It's exhausting to feel like I always have to justify my thoughts and feelings, which stifles my ability to communicate effectively. After almost 23 years of marriage, I've grown increasingly frustrated with the need to censor my own emotions, which has fostered trust issues and a tendency to catastrophize even the smallest problems. This dynamic creates a profound sense of control and isolation, especially when my wife's inability to provide validation leaves me searching for affirmation that never seems to come.Despite these challenges, I often grapple with a misplaced sense of loyalty towards my wife, clinging to the hope of restoring an idealized version of her. Yet, I also face the reality of a future that feels bleak and marked by emotional turmoil. I find myself contrasting this unhealthy relationship with what I know to be the qualities of healthy partnerships, where mutual respect and open communication thrive. It's a complex and painful journey, but I hold onto the hope that understanding these dynamics can lead to healing and a brighter future. I hold the same hope for you!Support the show

Send us a textIt has been my experience that navigating relationships with individuals who have Cluster B personality disorders can be particularly challenging, especially during the holiday season when expectations for family connections tend to rise. That's why it is imperative to approach these interactions with care and understanding.I remind myself to avoid sharing personal details that might be used against me and to steer clear of arguments that could escalate tensions. I need to recognize that these individuals often operate under different values and perceptions, making communication difficult. I also need to be cautious about assuming that family ties guarantee safety; I've learned that this isn't always the case.Instead of seeking revenge or expecting fairness and empathy, I focus on protecting my emotional well-being. When hurtful remarks are made, I try to remind myself that these comments reflect the other person's struggles rather than my worth. It's vital for me not to internalize their negativity.I've realized the importance of being aware of red flags early in a relationship. If I notice signs that things aren't right, I remind myself that it's okay to step back and end unhealthy connections without needing validation from the other person. Ultimately, I've learned that prioritizing my well-being and surrounding myself with supportive friends and family is far more fulfilling than engaging in toxic behaviors during the holidays."Happy" Holidays!Support the show

Send us a textI often find myself grappling with the emotional challenges that come with being in a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits, especially during the festive season when everyone seems to expect happiness. I feel torn between my desire for a better relationship and the harsh reality of disappointment. The societal pressures and my fears of loneliness often push me to stay in unhealthy situations.I reflect on the justifications I've used to rationalize my decision to remain, such as financial dependency and the obligations I feel toward my family. However, I recognize the importance of taking personal responsibility and valuing my self-worth in order to break free from codependency. I've come to understand that I need to manage my expectations and prioritize my emotional well-being. Seeking support from positive relationships has become essential for me, and I truly believe that leaving toxic partnerships can lead to healthier outcomes for both myself and my family.Support the show

Send us a textIn today's podcast I explore the challenges of ending relationships with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality traits, particularly those who are narcissistic or have borderline personality disorder. I've realized that distancing myself from these toxic individuals can be a liberating experience, paving the way for personal growth and healthier connections. I share my struggles with a spouse whom I suspect is a covert narcissist, revealing the emotional turmoil and fear I feel stemming from threats of divorce. My youngest daughter has acknowledged the unhealthy dynamic within our family, forcing me to confront the painful reality that my relationship may be irreparable due to deep emotional wounds and a lack of genuine love from my wife.I illustrate the cycle of blame and manipulation we find ourselves in, characterized by the DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) strategy. My spouse often deflects responsibility and positions herself as the victim, which stifles open communication about our hurt and reinforces the toxicity in our relationship. I recognize my feelings of entrapment and the overwhelming sense of responsibility for the issues, even though I am the one who is suffering. Ultimately, I encourage myself and others to acknowledge our circumstances, prioritize personal empowerment, and envision a life free from emotional abuse. I advocate for self-love and well-being over the futile attempts to change the problematic individual in our lives. Onward!Support the show

Send us a textNavigating a relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality disorder has been notably difficult for me. I've experienced blame-shifting and gaslighting that undermine my self-validation and esteem. I've noticed that individuals with these traits often depend on others while harboring resentment, creating a confusing and draining emotional environment for partners like me who are seeking connection. In my long-term relationship, I felt increasingly disliked amidst the dysfunction and abuse, ultimately contemplating separation as a means of empowerment. I've often criticized the tendency to remain trauma-bonded and have come to understand the importance of recognizing the unhealthy nature of such relationships. Throughout my 24-year journey, I've learned to trust my intuition, affirm my own truths, and prioritize my personal well-being over the demands of the relationship. I advocate for healing and self-affirmation, urging others like you to do the same.Support the show

Send us a textLet's listen back to January of this year with a "Look Back Listen" to a popular podcast I published "Living in the Shadow of a Disordered Mind". I am writing a book with the same title that chronicles over two decades of living with my wife whom I suspect is a Covert Narcissist. I plan to publish this book before the end of the year. If you haven't had the opportunity to catch this episode back in January, download it today. Enjoy and be well in your journey. Support the show

Send us a textIn my exploration of love dynamics in relationships with individuals exhibiting Cluster B personality traits, particularly covert narcissism, and borderline personality disorders, I draw from my own experiences. I've noticed how the term “love” is often used superficially, lacking genuine substance, and frequently manipulated as a tool for control. I've experienced the confusion and trauma bonds that can arise in the early phases of these relationships, especially through behaviors like love bombing.I've come to understand that for these individuals, love serves primarily to enhance their self-image rather than to foster authentic connections. They often place conditions on their affection, expecting sacrifices from their partners in return. I reflect on the emotional turmoil I faced during phases of splitting and discard, where blame was shifted onto me while their positive traits were emphasized.Additionally, I critique the tendency to excuse the negative behaviors of those with these traits by attributing their actions to past traumas. Ultimately, I've realized that love in these contexts is insincere and easily replaceable, with genuine reciprocation being absent. I've learned that actions speak louder than words when understanding true expressions of love, and I've witnessed the prevalent emotional dysfunction in such relationships.Support the show

Send us a textI often find myself feeling like a clown in a chaotic “3 ring circus” because of my interactions with someone who exhibits traits of Cluster B personality disorders, like narcissism and borderline personality disorder. I've noticed that these individuals frequently chase after unrealistic happiness and set unattainable expectations, which leads to a constant cycle of disappointment.Reflecting on Maria Consiglio's insights, I see that people with these disorders tend to live in a fantasy world and often engage in what's known as “monkey branching” when they seek new partners. In my relationship, I've experienced a growing emotional detachment resembling a roommate situation more than a loving partnership. This leaves me questioning whether genuine love can exist in such dynamics.I've come to realize how futile it is to seek validation from toxic individuals. It's become clear to me that I need to prioritize my self-worth and practice self-love. Ultimately, I believe I must focus on my healing and build a life centered around my own needs and values, rather than trying to please others.Support the show

Send us a textIn my exploration of the emotional challenges I face while living with someone who I suspect has a Cluster B personality disorder, I emphasize the importance of recognizing the struggles that come with this experience. I explore the prolonged healing process from the emotional wounds inflicted by my wife, who often scapegoated our close relationships, including our family and friends. At times, I didn't realize I was involved with a pathological Cluster B until much later, which made it crucial for me to view myself as a resilient survivor rather than just a victim.I've noticed how individuals with Cluster B disorders can maintain a caring facade in public while engaging in emotional abuse behind closed doors. This creates a stark contrast between how others perceive my partner and the reality I lived through.The dynamics of trauma bonding in abusive relationships became apparent to me as I reflected on my own experiences. The cycle of kindness and cruelty led to cognitive dissonance, making it difficult for me to clearly see my wife's manipulative behaviors. I remember my journey of coming to terms with her true nature, especially after initially believing in her goodness. I commend others like me for their efforts to find the positive in their partners, recognizing that abusers often lack self-worth and manipulate others to feel better about themselves.Moreover, I delve into the exhausting and repetitive nature of these relationships, where I lost my sense of self due to constant negative feedback, which fostered a trauma bond. Insincere compliments only served to exacerbate my self-doubt, while my hope for validation often went unfulfilled. Despite the emotional toll, I encourage you to believe in your strength and resilience, suggesting that healing can be found outside of these toxic dynamics. I aim to support those affected by Cluster B relationships, highlighting the importance of self-acknowledgment and recovery in my podcasts.Support the show

Send us a textIn today's Podcast I emphasize the importance of recognizing your agency in relationships, especially when you find yourself involved with individuals exhibiting Cluster B personality traits, who often show emotional unavailability. I understand that while familial ties may limit my options, you can choose in romantic partnerships and assert self-determination. Reflecting on my experiences with an emotionally unavailable spouse, I realize that staying in such relationships doesn't lead to change; instead, it may foster a cycle of mutual emotional unavailability.I encourage you to stop investing emotional energy in those who cannot reciprocate and to evaluate whether your partner genuinely cares for you or if you are trapped in a toxic dynamic. I recognize my tendency to idealize unhealthy relationships based on early positive traits, and I remind myself to focus on my own well-being, redirecting my positive qualities toward individuals who truly deserve them.This Podcast also acknowledges the challenges we face in separating from toxic family members and the difficulty of breaking emotional bonds. However, I affirm my ability to choose and change my circumstances. Ultimately, I strive to recognize abusive patterns and cultivate the strength to prioritize my own identity and desires over detrimental relationships.Support the show

Send us a textIn today's podcast, I explore the complexities and challenges of my relationships with my wife who I suspect has a Cluster B personality disorder. I emphasize the importance of recognizing the signs of dysfunction and reflecting on what constitutes a healthy relationship. I share personal experiences that illustrate my transition from initial attentiveness to feelings of imbalance and emotional turmoil. I touch on the one-sided nature of these dynamics, where I often find myself in the role of caregiver, deeply emotionally invested.I also explore the struggle between my idealized perceptions of love and the harsh realities of manipulation and instability within these relationships. I encourage self-exploration and personal growth, stressing that I cannot change my wife but must focus on my well-being and the reasons for remaining in toxic relationships. Ultimately, this podcast advocates taking responsibility for my emotional health rather than trying to reform an unchangeable partner who happens to be my wife of 22 years.Support the show

Send us a textI often feel frustrated with those of us who romanticize relationships with individuals exhibiting cluster B personality traits, especially during and after a divorce. I remember a specific instance where someone mourned a “best friend” they believed to be a covert narcissist. I found their feelings misguided because these individuals were never true friends. It's so important to recognize the facade presented by these personalities.Reflecting on my own experience, I can assert that my spouse lacked genuine care for me. I believe that many people involved with cluster B personalities often miss out on the benefits of the relationship itself rather than missing the partner. These individuals tend to see others as possessions rather than people deserving of love.I've witnessed the emotional struggles, low self-esteem, manipulation, and gaslighting that are common in these toxic dynamics. I urge anyone in a similar situation to confront the painful reality of their relationships. Self-awareness and healing are essential, and we need to stop romanticizing past connections. Ultimately, I stress that true friendship cannot coexist with harmful behaviors, and accepting this truth is crucial for moving forward.Support the show

Send us a textIn today's podcast, I explore the complexities and emotional turmoil of being in a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits, such as narcissism or borderline personality disorder. I often find myself feeling confused and imbalanced, needing to tread carefully to avoid triggering my emotionally immature partner's reactions. I have personal experiences of living with a spouse who displays childish behaviors when she doesn't receive the attention she expects. This has led me to recognize that her emotional development may be stunted.I've come to understand the importance of setting boundaries and not feeling obligated to forgive abusive behaviors. I advocate for self-empowerment and the rejection of enabling dynamics. In reflecting on my relationship, I've seen the toxic nature of these dynamics, where I sometimes make excuses for my partner's abusive actions, often rooted in their past traumas. I realize the futility of trying to “defeat” someone with these personality disorders, and I encourage myself to prioritize my well-being.I've recognized the signs of an unhealthy relationship, including manipulation tactics like gaslighting and silent treatment, which I now see as unacceptable behaviors. Ultimately, I aim to acknowledge the emotional toll of these relationships and empower myself against the damaging effects of emotional abuse.Support the show

Send us a textI initiated my podcast in September 2020 as a platform to document my journey while helping others navigate the complexities of relationship dynamics, especially those involving narcissism. Over the past four years, I've shared insights about my long-term marriage. Initially, I believed my wife had borderline personality traits, but I now suspect she may be a covert narcissist. I highlight the challenges of understanding such personalities and emphasize that the critical issue is whether my needs are met in the relationship, regardless of the type of abuse I may experience. Although I feel more enlightened after years of exploration, I still struggle with my wife's perplexing behavior and hesitate to discuss my feelings with her due to her perceived lack of respect and empathy.I also reflect on the significance of attention and prioritization in relationships. I've felt frustrated over my wife's decision to plan a trip with our daughter on our upcoming 22nd wedding anniversary, as it seems to undermine the importance of our marriage. This contrast becomes even more apparent when I consider her evident commitment to our daughter's birthday, further highlighting my feelings of thoughtlessness and abandonment.Additionally, I delve into the misconceptions about covert narcissists compared to grandiose narcissists. While grandiose types are often ambitious and charismatic, covert narcissists may display traits like chronic emptiness and manipulation through victimhood. Through my experiences, I convey feelings of confusion and self-blame, ultimately leading to a realization about the nature of my relationship. I stress the importance of recognizing these dynamics and encourage others to value themselves and pursue healing.Support the show

Send us a textIn this podcast, I discuss the trauma that comes from relationships with individuals who have Cluster B personality disorders, drawing on my own experiences and the struggle of feeling victimized. I encourage listeners to recognize their self-worth and steer clear of unhealthy relationships, using the metaphor of changing out ill-fitting shoes. Many of us grapple with the decision to stay or leave, often feeling paralyzed by fear and a misguided sense of normalcy, even in abusive situations. I address the complexities of emotional attachment and the practical difficulties that make it hard to leave long-term relationships.I share my commitment to refraining from infidelity, even in the face of marital unhappiness, emphasizing the need for healing from trauma before diving into new relationships. Accepting that a relationship may not be fulfilling is a tough challenge, and I know it can lead to justifications for staying. Co-parenting with partners who exhibit narcissistic or borderline traits is especially difficult, even when children are not involved. I highlight the emotional strain of loving someone who is incapable of reciprocating that love and urge everyone to reflect on why they remain in such situations.I also reflect on the disillusionment that sets in when the initial facade of a partner with borderline or narcissistic traits fades away, exposing harmful behaviors. While I express compassion for my partner's past trauma, I stress the importance of being truthful with myself and acknowledging my own pain. I advocate for cutting ties after leaving these relationships to promote healing, warning that maintaining any connection, including co-parenting, can be detrimental. Despite the challenges that come with this process, I encourage you to look beyond immediate discomfort in order to achieve personal growth and healing.Find your inner peace. Support the show

Send us a textIn this podcast “Getting Past Love,” I delve into the challenges of moving on from relationships with individuals who exhibit cluster B personality traits. I focus on my personal experiences of disappointment rather than heartbreak. Reflecting on my disillusionment with my partner, a covert narcissist, I emphasize the absence of genuine love and the toxic dynamics that characterized our relationship, where loyalty was expected from me but never reciprocated.I share my journey of self-discovery and empowerment as I worked to overcome the feelings of obligation and fear that kept me in a one-sided relationship. In that dynamic, I often felt more like a source of supply than an equal partner. As I confront the painful process of letting go, I acknowledge the lack of love and affection in my marriage. I realize that holding onto the relationship only harms my happiness, and it's disheartening to see how my spouse views our bond as disposable, highlighting the emotional distance that has developed over time.I also discuss the challenges of finding supportive resources for those of us dealing with emotional trauma related to cluster B personality disorders. I've found that most help is available online, and I encourage others to seek out support communities to share their experiences. Overall, my podcast underscores the complexities of loving someone with a cluster B disorder and the vital importance of recognizing unhealthy dynamics for our personal growth and healing.Support the show

Send us a textIn today's podcast I outline nine signs of a toxic relationship in the hope of raising awareness and helping others recognize similar patterns without viewing themselves as victims. I find myself reflecting on the complexities of recognizing a toxic relationship, especially when my wife exhibits traits associated with Cluster B personality disorders, like narcissism. Initially, I felt drawn in by attraction and what I now understand was “love bombing,” which obscured the red flags and made it difficult for me to identify harmful behaviors. Rather than simply labeling my wife, I've learned to recognize specific warning signs, drawing from my own experiences in a long-term marriage that, while civil, had an underlying toxicity.I noticed key indicators of toxicity, such as my wife's tendency to judge me based on my past and manipulate my trust for control. My journey has been one from fear to empowerment, as I've learned to set boundaries. I also grapple with the selfishness often displayed by my wife, who seems to prioritize her needs and adopts a victim mentality. The emotional neglect I've experienced has led to the painful realization that I've been with someone indifferent to my feelings, despite the years I've invested in the relationship.Communication in my marriage has been civil, but it lacks emotional honesty. I often feel frustrated by my wife's refusal to accept responsibility for her actions. This dynamic has created a cycle of blame and guilt, deepening my feelings of confusion and frustration.Support the show

Send us a textIn today's podcast, I delve into the theme of distorted reality in relationships, particularly with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders, like narcissism. I share how these individuals manipulate perceptions through tactics such as gaslighting, creating false narratives that lead their partners to overlook abusive behaviors. Often, I find myself and others clinging to idealized memories from the beginning of the relationship.Reflecting on my own experiences, I acknowledge the feelings of shame that arise from being manipulated and the importance of confronting this distortion for personal growth and understanding. I emphasize the need to recognize my role in these dynamics rather than solely placing blame on the abuser. Acceptance and responsibility are crucial steps toward healing.I encourage self-reflection as a means to break the cycles of repeated relational issues, urging listeners to assess their contributions to relationships and seek clarity about their desires. Ultimately, I find purpose in sharing my journey through this podcast, hoping to guide others away from similar challenges.Peace to you, now and always.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.In this podcast, I share my journey through the trauma I experienced from a long-term marriage with someone I suspect is a covert narcissist. I reflect on the early days when I idealized my partner, only to later uncover troubling behaviors and red flags. I delve into the psychological manipulation that often characterizes these relationships, particularly the DARVO concept, where the abuser deflects blame onto the victim, leaving me confused about the true nature of my past experiences. I use the analogy of being bitten by a snake to illustrate how I tended to focus on understanding the abuse rather than on healing from it.Throughout this podcast, I explore the complexities of recognizing and accepting emotional abuse. I recount my confusion over behaviors like the silent treatment and ghosting, and I detail my journey from denial to self-discovery. I acknowledge a pivotal shift in my understanding of my partner's traits; I went from labeling her as borderline to recognizing covert narcissism, which is often much harder to detect. Accepting the reality of my relationship was painful, yet it was crucial for my healing and empowerment.I also share the insights I gained from my experiences, emphasizing the importance of fully healing before entering new relationships to avoid repeating past mistakes. I express gratitude toward my spouse for helping me gain clarity on unhealthy dynamics, and I commit to sharing the lessons I've learned through this podcast. I hope to encourage you, my listeners to apply these insights in your own life.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.I find that self-reflection plays a crucial role in my relationships, especially when dealing with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders, such as narcissism and borderline personality disorder. I often try to understand my wife's behaviors, but I realize that I sometimes overlook my own motivations for staying in dysfunctional relationships. Insights from Maria Consiglio resonate with me; I recognize that I might resort to manipulative behaviors as survival tactics, which leads to self-doubt and fears of mirroring my abuser. I need to acknowledge my reasons for enduring these relationships, which often stem from a desire to support or rehabilitate my wife, even when I understand that the idealized version of them may never return.I grapple with my struggles to comprehend my wife's thoughts and reactions, and I understand the importance of evaluating my own reasons for staying, particularly with potentially abusive family members or significant others. I reflect on societal symbols of commitment, like wedding bands, and I urge myself to recognize the abnormality of my situation, considering factors like financial dependency or shared children. I critique unhealthy dynamics characterized by terms like “breadcrumbing,” “love bombing,” and “discard,” acknowledging these behaviors as forms of abuse rather than typical relationship patterns. Ultimately, I know that I need to end unhealthy relationships to reclaim my identity, and I'm aware of the emotional toll that comes from giving to partners who do not reciprocate. I encourage myself to thoughtfully assess my circumstances and take the necessary steps toward healing.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.In the podcast “The Long Goodbye,” I explore my emotional struggles within my 23-year marriage to my wife, whom I suspect may be a covert narcissist. I share my feelings of disconnection and describe our relationship as more of a role-play than a genuine bond. Through conversations with friends, I've realized I am mourning a relationship that never truly existed. I grapple with the challenge of letting go while still holding on to hope for change in my wife's behavior. I reflect on how both my wife and I have stayed in this relationship out of convenience, leading to ongoing suffering rooted in an unrealistic longing for our past connection.I also discuss the emotional difficulties that come with ending relationships involving individuals with “cluster B” personality traits. I compare this experience to the anticipatory grief I faced when dealing with my father's cancer diagnosis. I critique those who leave such relationships while still clinging to hope for reconciliation, emphasizing the importance of self-preservation in the decision to leave. I advocate for a clean break—going no contact—highlighting that attempts at setting boundaries or having rational discussions often prove futile with these individuals, who tend to manipulate and disregard boundaries.Ultimately, I underscore the necessity of prioritizing self-investment and recognizing my role in this dysfunctional dynamic. I stress that while confronting or trying to change these individuals may lead to unproductive outcomes, understanding the reality of their lack of genuine care is crucial. I encourage listeners to make personal decisions about continuing such relationships, acknowledging that this choice is often one of the most significant challenges they will face.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.In this podcast of My Inner Torch I explore the complexities of my relationships with individuals who exhibit cluster B personality traits, such as narcissism and borderline personality disorder. I've noticed a typical progression in these relationships, starting with love bombing and escalating to splitting and eventual discarding, which often leaves me feeling disposable. I struggle to accept my expendability, especially in long-term commitments where my emotional investments run deep. I've come to realize how difficult it can be for empathetic individuals like myself to recognize toxic patterns. I often reflect on my personal experiences, which illustrate how love bombing can lead to criticism and emotional manipulation. I've learned to identify red flags I commonly overlooked, such as superficiality and excessive self-centeredness in cluster B individuals, who may portray themselves as victims to garner sympathy. I acknowledge my past naivety regarding manipulative behaviors and understand the importance of self-reflection and learning from these experiences to avoid repeating mistakes. Ultimately, my journey serves as a cautionary tale about the painful dynamics of such relationships while encouraging personal growth and awareness.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.In this 200th podcast of My Inner Torch, I address the loneliness that often accompanies relationships with narcissists, sharing how these dynamics can leave me feeling invisible and unsupported. I emphasize that no matter the type of abuser, if my relationship lacks mutual love and intimacy, it's not worth holding onto. I discuss my tendency as an empath and people pleaser to absorb my partner's emotional pain, which creates a one-sided dynamic. I reflect on my own experiences of trying to understand my partner's psyche, ultimately recognizing the futility of those efforts.I also confront the painful realization that the idealized version of my partner never truly existed, along with the imbalance where the abuser projects their pain onto me. With over 23 years spent in a neglectful relationship, I stress the importance of not feeling responsible for my abuser's emotions. I advocate for being aware of toxic traits and urge others to steer clear of relationships marked by entitlement and cruelty.Navigating toxic professional relationships has been particularly challenging, especially with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits. I warn against labeling others with personality disorders and emphasize the importance of prioritizing my own feelings of safety and support instead. Ultimately, I believe the focus should remain on my individual well-being rather than the labels associated with others' behaviors.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.In today's podcast, I want to delve into the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality disorder, particularly focusing on covert narcissists. Contemplating leaving such a relationship can be incredibly painful. Still, I have realized the importance of prioritizing my self-care and envisioning a future where I can heal independently. It's heartbreaking to see how a covert narcissist uses manipulative tactics like my wife, even going as far as using past traumas against me. I often wonder if it's possible to break free from the emotional abuse and manipulation inflicted by Cluster B individuals.In toxic relationships, it's easy to lose sight of who we are and to find it difficult to walk away. Seeking professional help for relational trauma has become crucial for me. I encourage you to also reflect on your future independently, recognizing abuse in relationships, and placing importance on your self-worth and self-esteem.As I reflect on my journey of understanding my spouse's behavior as a covert narcissist, I am grateful for the support I have received during my podcasting journey, as I draw closer to my 200th podcast.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.In this week's podcast, I explore the essence of healthy relationships, underlining trust, effective communication, and mutual interest as vital components. I contrast these ideals with relationships involving individuals with Cluster B personality disorders, citing issues like lack of trust and communication challenges. I urge you to assess your trust in Cluster B partners beyond concerns of infidelity, emphasizing reciprocal kindness and understanding for a healthy relationship. Additionally, I stress forgiveness, growth, recognizing signs of imbalance, and the significance of self-worth and introspection in maintaining a fulfilling relationship. In this podcast I urge you to reflect on dynamics, prioritize closeness over distance, and avoid seeking validation solely from external sources, highlighting the importance of self-reflection.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.In this podcast I will discuss the challenges of being in a relationship with individuals exhibiting Cluster B personality traits, urging you to step back and evaluate your own well-being. I emphasize how such relationships can lead to feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and hopelessness, with us constantly trying to fix things. I will share personal insights, admitting that I wouldn't choose my own long-term relationship if viewed objectively. We need to reflect on ourselves, practice self-love, and question why we prioritize the needs of the Cluster B individual over our own well-being. I will also highlight the difficulties in seeking understanding, setting boundaries, and leaving toxic relationships. Ultimately, I encourage self-acceptance, healing, and self-improvement, emphasizing the importance of breaking free from validation-seeking cycles and focusing on our well-being.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.As I reflect on my relationship with my partner whom I suspect to be a covert narcissist, I find myself shouldering the burden of her happiness, only to realize the futility in my efforts to make her happy. It's a hard truth to accept that Cluster B's are fully aware of their actions and unlikely to change, no matter how much love we pour into the relationship.I've struggled with the dual personas of my wife, questioning if Cluster B's are truly capable of love and empathy, given their tendencies towards manipulation and lack of emotional understanding. The traits of covert narcissists, such as gaslighting and manipulation, weigh heavily on my mind, underscoring the importance of not taking responsibility for their behavior.I urge you not to blame yourself for your Cluster B's actions and to refrain from apologizing for them. It's crucial to prioritize your well-being and set boundaries when dealing with individuals who exhibit such toxic behaviors.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.This podcast delves into the distinction between being a victim and a survivor in relationships with individuals possessing Cluster B personality traits. I stress the significance of acknowledging one's victimhood before transitioning to a survivor mentality, using my personal experiences with a covert narcissistic partner to illustrate this journey. Healing and change are portrayed as internal processes rather than relying on support from the Cluster B individual. I highlight the challenging dynamic victims/survivors face in these relationships, navigating between inclusion and exclusion in the Cluster B world. I underscore the importance of acceptance, healing steps, and moving past the initial promises of toxic relationships toward embodying true survivorship. Peace be with you!Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.This podcast of My Inner Torch explores the significance of self-reflection and self-esteem in relationships, particularly when dealing with individuals having Cluster B personality disorders. I stress the importance of evaluating one's worth to avoid toxic relationship patterns. I share some personal experiences of overcoming emotional abuse and codependency, emphasizing self-discovery and growth. I also explore the stages of recovery from a Cluster B relationship, highlighting phases such as despair, realization, denial, and grappling with the reality of the relationship. Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.Today's Podcast delves into the complexities of relationships with Cluster B individuals, particularly covert narcissists, emphasizing the importance of not overlooking past abusive behaviors and not excusing toxic traits. I highlight the challenge of forgiving abusers while questioning whether forgiveness enables harmful behavior. I stress the need for self-reflection to break free from dysfunctional dynamics and warn against idealizing or trying to change individuals with narcissistic or borderline personality traits who lack empathy. I caution against falling into the manipulative traps of these individuals and emphasize the necessity of acknowledging the reality of toxic relationships to protect oneself in the present and future.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.In this episode, we delve deep into the manipulative world of Cluster B personalities, including psychopaths, borderlines, and narcissists. These individuals employ deceitful tactics such as sweet talk and love bombing to lure in their victims, leaving a trail of broken promises and emotional devastation in their wake.Join me on a journey through the aftermath of toxic relationships with Cluster B personalities, where victims struggle to move on despite the harm inflicted upon them. I continue to emphasize a crucial need for survivors to recognize their self-worth, break free from toxic ties, and confront the harsh reality of the situation to facilitate healing and self-love.Trusting these manipulative individuals is discouraged, as they demonstrate little remorse for their destructive actions. This weeks podcast sheds light on the unlikelihood of Cluster B individuals changing their ways, advising against seeking revenge or trying to manipulate them in return.Instead, the focus is redirected towards prioritizing well-being, cultivating self-worth, and embracing happiness. Listeners are urged to spread awareness about dealing with Cluster B personalities, advocating for self-care and mindfulness as essential tools for recovery and growth.Support the Show.

Send us a Text Message.Today I reflect on toxic relationships, particularly with individuals displaying traits of Cluster B personality disorders. I question why we expect intense love from such individuals, only to realize their incapacity to sustain it over time. Terms like narcissist, borderline, and psychopath are used to describe such behaviors, pointing to relational abuse. Despite efforts to diagnose, the focus should be on recognizing toxic behaviors and understanding why one stays in such relationships, even with labels like covert narcissism. I reflect on my 22-year marriage, acknowledging my spouse's lack of care and narcissistic tendencies. I grapple with unhappiness, questioning why we invest in loving such individuals. Trauma bonding is highlighted as a significant challenge, leading to numbness or accepting a caretaking role rather than a genuine marriage. Setting boundaries, not excusing toxic behavior, and prioritizing self-worth are also underscored. Thanks for listening!Support the Show.