We Gotta Thing - A Swinger Podcast

Why do we usually react to the word 'different' as something negative? Our differences can help us to learn more about ourselves which can lead to individual growth as well as strengthen our relationships. Kel from Expansive Connection Coaching joins us this episode to help us understand how and why we react to something different and gives us tools to help explore them and turn those differences into opportunities for growth!

What makes the WGT community unique? We are not a dating site. We are not like a Facebook group. Nor are we similar to a Discord server, a Slack channel, a Zoom meeting or a WhatsApp conversation. What are we then? We are a community full of real people in real relationships who are looking to explore, learn, share and interact with others in a safe, non-judgmental and secure virtual environment. What will you gain in one year by joining us? Mastered Communication – You'll have developed unshakable confidence in open and honest conversations, leading to more trust, deeper intimacy, and fewer misunderstandings with your partner. A Thriving Support System – You'll be surrounded by a network of like-minded couples who truly get you, offering support, wisdom, and genuine friendship. No more feeling like you're navigating this journey alone. New & Exciting Experiences – Whether through online discussions, live events, or luxurious getaways, you'll have explored new facets of your relationship in a way that feels safe, sexy, and fulfilling. Personal & Relationship Growth – You'll have gained insights from other members and  experts, engaged in transformative workshops, and overcome challenges that once seemed overwhelming. Living Authentically –No matter where you are in your journey, you'll feel empowered to embrace your desires and connections without fear or hesitation. Your relationship will be stronger, your connections deeper, and your confidence stronger than ever. Care to join us? Learn more about the We Gotta Thing community experience here!  

Catherine from Expansive Connection Coaching joins us to help define that 'squishy' term that is a result of some combination of 'swinging' and 'polyamory.' She then discusses pro's and con's of what to expect when creating your own brand of 'swolly' and then shares tips on how to successfully communicate and navigate along the way. Resources mentioned during this episode: Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast- The New Monogamy with Dr. Tammy Nelson The Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough Quiz  

You're awake again at 3:00am. You can't go back to sleep. You caclulate how much sleep you'll have if you go back to sleep right now. Then, while staring at the ceiling, a voice inside your head decides to make up a (absolutely truthful and believable) story about a missed opportunity with another couple and why they aren't responded to your messages to meet again.... Sound familiar? In this episode Meshei from Expansive Connection helps us to understand where that voice is coming from, how to recognize the lack of logic in that voice and how to redirect the conversation to something more logical and accurate. Also, you are not the only one expriencing these very convincing voices! Learn more about Expansive Connection coaching services on their website and while you're there be sure to subscribe to their newsletter!

We are contantly bombarded with lifestyle symbols and the promises they bring of attracting lifestyle couples to us in our day-to-day lives! From upside down pineapples in the grocery store, to black rings on the right ring finger, to white rocks at the end of the driveway, to wearing jewelry that brings special powers. Some content creators, lifestyle businesses and marketers exploit our collective desire to stay anonymous while at the same time magically attracting others into our secret lives with little or no effort at all. In this episode we discuss how to both pick-up on a send those sexy vibes in ways that require a bit of work on our part but often lead to meaningful connections with others regardless of the setting. It's all about being noticeable and creating enough curiousity and intrigue to draw others in and then knowing how to engage and progress in a natural way. 

What is trust not? Trust is not a feeling that someone else creates in us with their actions. Some of us think we can trust people only when they are doing what we want them to do so we don't feel uncomfortable things we don't want to feel. Additionally, trust is not using other people as our emotional security blankets. Our brains love predictability and safety so when someone doesn't behave in the ways we want them to we can feel unsafe, or in others words, we may 'freak out' a bit! Kel from Expansive Connection joins Mr Jones this episode to help us understand what trust is, what trust is not, and how to work through what appear to be trust issues with your partner. Resources: Brene Brown Trust Talk   The Gottmans on Trust    UnFuck Your Brain- Trust 

Fearing or experiencing jealousy is one of the biggest reasons couples either don't try the lifestyle or don't last in the lifestyle. Why is that? It's more complex than we realize! Join us as Catherine from Expansive Connection Coaching helps us to understand the many flavors of jealousy to include envy, comparison, performance insecurities, fear of abandonment and many more. Download the complete list of the flavors of jealousy here!

Please join us in celebrating 10 years recording the We Gotta Thing podcast! This is a very special episode recorded live with a group of our closest friends at the Desire Pearl resort. We thank all of our listeners and community members for the steadfast support and look forward to recording many more episodes in the years to come! Cheers!

Meshai from Expansive Connection Coaching joins us as we dive into the topic of being rejected in the lifestyle. We all experience the negative emotions when rejected by others and Meshai helps us to understand why we feel this way and how to process and respond to these feelings.

Why do we want to connect with others? What are some ways we connect with others? What types of connections may we experience? How do we stay connected? What happens if we become disconnected with others? We explore possible answers to these questions to better prepare ourselves for what we may face as we explore the lifestyle and engage with others.

Jason from Expansive Connection Coaching joins us this month to discuss the 'non-quantifiable' work involved in exploring non-monogamy. Based on our WGT episode 100 in which we discuss the quantifiable work, we now dig in to consider things like being intentional, being present, staying engaged, investing ourselves and our time and much more.

Listen in as our friends Mark and Beth share their unique journey into and exploration of non-monogamy! We also review our Virgin Cruise out of Barcelona and discuss our first local lifestyle meet and greet since our big move south.

Kel from Expansive Connection coaching joins us to discuss some of the benefits and challenges one may encounter when choosing to explore the non-monogamous lifestyle. Kel shares from her perspective of being a certified relationship coach and also from her experience being non-monogamous with her partner. Resources mentioned: We Gotta Thing podcast episode 33: "How the Lifestyle Strengthens our Relationship" We Gotta Thing podcast episode 41: "A Licensed Counselor (and swinger) Breaks Down Jealousy" Sex and Psychology by Justin Lehmiller- podcast episode 215: "Dealing in Differences in Relationships"

Having experienced counseling ourselves over the past few months, we invite Catherine from Expansive Connection to talk with us about how those in non-monogamous relationships benefit from getting guidance from professionals. Also, we share some exciting news about the future of the We Gotta Thing podcast! 

Listen in as we review the brand new "The Eden" section of Desire Riviera Maya! We also enlist the help of many of our friends in a live recording from the resort to share how they challenged themselves to become a bit 'less vanilla' during our recent group trip.

Most of us have mastered being 'adult-like' in all aspects of our lives. We are experienced at life. We are parents, spouses/partners, coaches, employees, teachers, leaders and friends. We've become accustomed to situations that require a mature and thoughtful response (most of the time anyway!). However, when engaged in non-monogamy we can experience new things and perhaps even some new feelings. We are sharing ourselves and our partners initmately with others. Our relationship is now at risk so the stakes are high. Situations will arise that invoke strong emotions in a way we may not have experienced before and it can be difficult not to act out in ways that may hurt others or push them away. In this episode Catherine, a licensed therapist from Expansive Connection Coaching talks about what is happening inside our brains and how we might be able to anticipate and respond 'like adults' when things don't go as we expect.

Being vulnerable is not easy and may not come natural for some, espcially when exploring the lifestyle. We tend to wall off our personal lives because we're worried about people knowing too much about us. We don't want to be known. We're here just to have some sexy fun, right? In this episode we talk about how being vulnerable has led to some amazing friendships as well as a lot of sexy fun with people who care. The more we share the more we gain confidence, become more attractive to others and most importantly discover our authentic selves! Join our community and download our brand new WGT app here!

Are you the type of person who puts the feelings of others above of your own? Do you want to have a stronger voice when someone suggests something you don't necessarily want to do? You are not alone! Listen in as we discuss how and why this happens in a non-monogamous lifestyle and what the potential fallout, consequences and sometimes benefits can be!

We explore the perceptions and realities of what, exactly a kiss can mean to those in the lifestyle community. Does granting a kiss commit me to a sexual experience? Why do some couples have a 'no kissing' rule? How do I gain consent to give a kiss? Can giving someone a kiss send the wrong message? A kiss may sound like a simple thing but it's anything but that to those exploring and experiencing the world of non-monogamy.

Listen in on our live recording from Desire Pearl where our guests discuss their unique perspectives, perceptions and realities of the term 'clothing optional.' Most of us struggle with self-confidence and have body-image issues so the idea of being naked in front of others can cause anxiety and fear. After hearing stories from other 'real people' we can better understand what it's all about and how it can help us discover and grow into our real selves. Being naked is a good thing!

Join Mr & Mrs Jones and they interview "Scott & Kelly." This couple's journey into the lifestyle sounds like many other origin stories but then takes a bit of a turn when a family member shares some unexpected news. In another suprising twist the lifestyle community jumps in for a big assist to help and support them work through an interesting dilemma.

As newbies we started our lifestyle journey looking for people to connect with and then explore sexually. Back then it was all about the excitment, the taboo nature of the lifestyle and a boost to our sex lives. Something we would just keep at arms distance on the very periphery of our lives. Then we started to meet some of the most amazing humans on the planet. Now we are surrounded by a warm and caring community and some of the best (pants-off and pants-on) lifelong friends a couple can possibly have. We came for the sexy fun and we stayed for the awesome friendships!

Chris and Nancy share their amazing and unique story of finding the lifestyle through a period of intense emotional exploration after being together for more than 20 years. We've learned that no relationship journey into the lifestyle is the same but we so all experience our own twists and turns. We hope you enjoy listening to them tell their story!

In this bonus episode we sit down with Original Resorts Management to discuss the somewhat bumpy opening of their Grand Miches resorts, their explanation for the back-and-forth change in the clothing optional policy and their vision for expanding in the near future.

Many couples ask about how to 'successfully' navigate a clothing optional resort. How do we find couples like us? How do we socialize with others without them thinking it's an invitation to play? How do we let couples down if we don't want to play? How do we interact with couples the day after we play? Listen in as we discuss our own experiences and how we see others managing this very common dilemma. 

In advance of our group trip to Temptation Grand Miches in the Dominican Republic we visited the resort to experience it ourselves. Through construction delays, supply chain disruptions, hurricanes and normal growing pains the resort is now open for business! Listen in as we describe what we enjoyed and what we think still needs to be improved upon to bring it up to par with the Desire Pearl and Riviera Maya resorts in Mexico.

We hear story after story about the difficulties many (and mostly newer) couples in the lifestyle experience when encountering 'cliques' while attending events, visiting clubs or attending parties or meet and greets. Are they really cliques or could it be our perception of others based on things we observe or the feelings we experience at such events? Will they really reject us or ignore us if we have the courage to approach them or could this a predisposed fear of rejection? Join us as we dig deeper into what cliques really are and how to manage and navigate groups in an unfamiliar and sexually charged environment.

Listen in on our conversation with our friends "J&B 2.0" as they share their particular story of how they discovered and began exploring the lifestyle together! They are funny, smart and very real as they share their experiences in hopes of helping others who may be embarking on a similar journey. Origin Stories is an interview based podcast format that we will occasionally publish to help you experience the diverse and unique lifestyle journeys of others.

Finding lifestely events and then choosing which event is the best fit for your approach to the lifestyle can be difficult and often confusing. Listen in as we chat with event host Cate from Libertine Events and the Wanderlust Swingers podcast. We'll share insights and answer questions from couples exploring the lifestyle and facing the same challenges.

Listen in as our event guests discuss working through their individual fears, anxieties and challenges at a clothing optional resort during our week together at Desire Pearl Resort just south of Cancun, Mexico.

We sit down with four of our lifestyle friends and share real stories about what it's like to experience hurt feelings during an event and how to dissect, debrief, discover and confront the root cause of the issue. As much as it hurts sometimes, we discuss why we think it's important to work through the issues together in order to experience personal growth and strengthen our relationships.

We discuss four distinct behaviors we consider to be deal breakers to moving forward and possibly making new lifestyle friends and connecting with potential play partners. Sharing opinions on politics, religion or other emotionally charged topics Being closed minded or  judgmental toward others Being 'tone deaf,' or not being able to read the room Trying too hard to make something happen What do you think? What behaviors do you consider to be deal breakers?

Finding your tribe, making lifelong friends, connecting for sexy playtime and growing your primary relationship are just a few ways to define 'success' in the lifestyle. Many may mistakenly believe you can just fill out a profile and 'show up' to quickly enjoy these benefits. We have learned that just like in life, you must both put in the hard work over a period of time to experience all the lifestyle has to offer. Are you ready to put in the hard work? We believe the reward is worth the effort!

New Relationship Energy (NRE) is that sexual buzz we feel when we first meet and connect with a couple or individual. We discuss navigating this heightened state of emotional and sexual feelings by processing it, understanding it, keeping it in perspective and responding to it in a healthy  way. NRE can feel scary and risky but we believe if it's understood and managed well it can provide a super charged experience and be very meaningful (and a whole lot of fun) for all involved.

As the idea and exploration of consensual non-monogamy continues to grow we have noticed the need for organized community. The different flavors and diverse approaches means that one size does not fit all needs.  We invited our friends Fin and Emma from the Normalizing Non-monogamy podcast to chat with us about their community and how the four of us see how communites are forming and how to find the one that fits you best. Here are a few communities to explore: Normalizaing Non-monogamy community We Gotta Thing community Multi-amory community Bloom community platform Bonobo network 

To quote Mrs Jones, "we should be an example and not a blueprint." It may seem natural to adapt our 'thing' into your lifestyle journey but that could be a mistake. Giving yourselves an opportunity to create and refine your own 'thing' while learning from the examples of others in the lifestyle can be liberating and exciting.

Catherine (one of our favorite humans) and her team from Expansive Connection join us to discuss how they have created a unique method of coaching non-monogamous people! Not only do they offer a 'judgment free' zone but they bring their certified credentials and experience in the lifestyle.  Learn more about what an experience will be like with Catherine and Expansive Connection below. Expansive Connection Expansive Connection in the We Gotta Thing Community NNM Enneagram Episode 1 NNM Enneagram Episode 2 NNM Enneagram Episode 3 NNM with Catherine

We often hear couples suggest they are taking a break from the lifestyle due to 'real life' issues. We also hear some say that 'real life' is getting in the way of their lifestyle activities.  In this episode we share some very personal news and explain why we believe the lifestyle IS real life and the two can successfully co-exist.

Have you experienced lifestyle play partners getting a little upset when you choose to spend time with others? How about hard feelings when one of you seems to be enjoying the lifestyle more than the other? Some use the term 'jealous' when these things happen but we'd like to dive a little deeper and talk about why we use the the word envy as opposed to jealousy.

This is the most important topic that nobody wants to talk about! Chances are this won't happen to you (as it did us) but we still want to help prepare you just in case... We reflect back on our experience of being outed and discuss what we've learned (and are still learning) during the process. Yes, it's painful but it's not the end of the world!

Listen in as our guests share their Desire Pearl 2021 snapshots in a recorded-live conversation from the resort! Some are thoughtful and meaningful, some are sexy and others are downright hilarious! Oh, and we share ours as well... Our new 'What's Your Thing?' sexy and smart card game is now available! Here is our updated Naughty Stockings list just in time for the holiday shopping season (or any season really)...

This month we discuss why other couples reject us when reaching out from a lifestyle dating site and how to improve our chances of success in the future. This episode complements our episode 62 "Putting Yourself Out There - Lifestyle Profiles 2.0" and our blog post on the same topic titled "Our First Online Couple Profile."

We discuss the importance of trust from four different angles: trusting your relationship, trusting each other, trusting other couples and trusting who you are becoming in the lifestyle. Also, I (Mr Jones) share my first ever experience getting waxed...

Group play can be fun but also tricky! In this episode we explore the benefits and pitfalls and share our perspective on how we approach and navigate playing in larger groups. We also recap our very first Desire Mansion takeover event!

No matter how long you've been in the lifestyle you are going to make mistakes. So we've come up with a few tips to help you minimize those mistakes and make your play experiences more meaningful and fun!

In this episode we discuss how our perceptions change to our reality the more we are exposed to actual events. All of us have pre-lifestyle perceptions, newbie lifestyle perceptions and even veteran lifestyle perceptions that can change- but only if we take a step (or two) forward and try new things. Blog post mentioned: That One Time in Band Camp

There are perceptions in the lifestyle that a woman must be 'bi-something' to attract and connect with other couples. On the men's side of things there is a double standard and a stigma attached to being 'bi-something' in the lifestyle. In this episode our goal is to dispel some myths and share our personal views around each in an attempt to provide a safe space for sharing thought provoking conversations in the lifestyle. We believe these conversations must occur for people's minds to be opened and more accepting to those interested in exploring being 'bi-something' in the lifestyle.

Perhaps you have not had your first play experience yet or haven't had one in a very long time due to the current pandemic. Preparing for that first play experience creates a lot of build up, anticipation and nerves. No matter how that first time goes one can lose sight of the fact that it's only one experience and should not be the benchmark for all future play times in the lifestyle!

Do you struggle with if, when and how to tell other couples you're not interested in meeting? What about after you've played and you've lost interest? What if they ask you why you aren't interested? What if you are the recipient of a 'let down' message? Do you want to know why or would you rather just move on to the next couple? Does the sting of rejection ever get easier? We invite you to listen in as we discuss this topic from both sides!    

Not only does real life often get in the way of engaging in the lifestyle, but simply staying sexually connected as a couple is a struggle. Add a global pandemic to the mix and you have the perfect storm of events that make this struggle almost impossible to avoid. In this episode we really don't have solutions to the issue, we simply share where we are in this so that as a couple you know you are not alone.

We believe there are three important components of compatibility that we need to consider when trying to find connections with people in the lifestyle: General Compatibility, Safety & Health Compatibility and Sexual Compatibility. In this episode we define these components, discuss why they are critical for success and how to know if such compatibility exists when you're meeting new friends.