YES WE CANADA The Progressives Guide to Getting the F**k Out - Season Two

2022 What a year!  Fugetaboudit.  Never too soon to review 2022! Arghhhhhhhhh. Come on!  You can do it.  We make it fun and it's the last episode of season two!  We're gonna miss you guys!

Matt was on assignment in the US and guest host Mio Adilman booked a big one!  God makes his second appearance on Yes We Canada for an  in depth interview on the Presidential field for 2024, living voters voting for dead candidates,  Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and a few never before heard insights into the Jewish religion from someone who oughta know... the big guy, himself, opens up in this exclusive interview and he's some wrathy. 

You've heard of “The Great Replacement Theory “right? No? Let me rephrase that… you've heard of the right's great replacement theory… correct? Right? The Jews and other democratic elites are trying to change the electorate by importing immigrants who will vote for democratic policies, like big government spending. Cuz we all know how the Jews like big spending right?Tucker Carlson, George Soros on line one  from Martha's Vineyard. 

Wokies and Wokettes,Huge booking on the show today...a feature interview with God.   He's been listening to YouTube clips of  Marjorie Taylor Green, Ted Cruz, Alex Jones and  Lauren Bobert and they are bringing the wrath of God.  In fact, I've never heard him this wrathy. 

Progressives, I read books about Mike Pence so you don't have to…  You're welcome.You see Mike was your vice president for four years.  You may not have noticed him, he was usually sitting ever slightly behind President Donald J. Trump's right shoulder, staring beatifically off into the middle distance, his brow slightly furrowed, his expression one of deep admiration as his leader spoke, and told yet another lie to the American people.Michael Richard Pence, former vice president of the United States, former governor of Indiana, former congressman from Indiana's second district – Christian, conservative, Republican, newly minted American Hero. Then what happened?

The Canadian Military is in the midst of a  full blown sexual  misconduct crisis.  It has been going on for years. Now, you might think “crisis” is a little journalistic hyperbole, a little “click bait” to keep y'all listening?  Oh, no, check this out… in 2016 and 2017, seven former members of the CAF brought a class action lawsuit against the Government of Canada alleging sexual misconduct, sexual assault, discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity and the list goes on… and on. You know how many CAF members signed on to the class action suit?  19, 000!  Nineteen thousand, not a typo, nineteen thousand. The government has agreed to a 900 million dollar settlement and has already paid out 2379 claims. On today's pod we look at the his-story and you'll be introduced to the two women who have said; that's it, that's all...You will laugh and then you will cry.With contributions from Mio Adilman, Lisa Evans, Lyne Tremblay,   Chris Leon and Doug Wilde.

Deplorables… you have now become …delusionals.  When you had a tough time selling the triumvirate attack of Antifa / Black Lives Matter / FBI on the Capitol, you pivoted to your “normal tourist visit” narrative which also turned out to be troublesome because of the avalanche of video showing your  Trump clad " tourists" beating cops like blood thirsty barbarians. So, you pivoted yet again and started calling your insurrection ; “legitimate political discourse”.  Discourse?  Of course. 

Americans, my dear exceptionalist friends, we know how to attack our government buildings up here in Canada too.  You're not so special. 

Americans!  Hello, Bonjour, welcome to season two. Let's get you up to date. When we last spoke, in May of 2021, Trump supporters were claiming that the January 6th insurrection at the Capitol was actually executed by the FBI in a joint venture with Black Lives Matter and Antifa who were false flagging the riot by masquerading in Trump merch.  Wow a lot of BS to unpack there, no? And that's not all… A lot has happened in America since our last episode in Season 1… the Corona Virus raged, gun violence was out of control, Afghanistan was overrun by the Taliban who rebranded and now claimed they were “like kinda cool with chicks having equal rights, as long as they don't like work outside the home, go to school or play sports”. And US president Joe… Manchin wasn't getting anything done for the progressives.  Your Republicans have been hard at work desperately trying to fix a voter fraud problem that doesn't exist and won't go away. And gerrymandering and legislation that restricts voters rights has replaced rodent huntin' as the new redneck pastime. It seems hard to believe if you live in the fact-based world, but Trump supporters are still claiming that all those white people who stormed the capitol were either Patriots engaging in “legitimate political discourse” or drug ravaged Antifi members.  So, yep, you're still moving North…hello, bonjour, welcome to Canada. You're going to trade your so-called democracy for a social democracy.  Keep on truckin' eh? 

The British Columbians are masters at running “pirate economies”. Centuries before the current BC Bud enterprise was launched, the fur trade was a huge part of the BC economy when the Europeans arrived in the home of the First Nations with lots of arrogant ambition and a buffet of epidemics. That was followed by a few slightly sleazy gold rushes and then some pretty dedicated exploitation of the Japanese, Chinese and other Asians. During prohibition in the U.S., B.C. became the liquor hub for the west coast of the U.S.  We've been keeping you guys stoned and drunk for decades.   You' re welcome. 

 In Canada we have ten “provinces”.  Think about the difference between States and Provinces.  If you are “stately” it means you are elegant, distinguished, imperial even.  If you are “provincial”, you are local, unsophisticated, as y'all say in the States, “a goddamn hick”. That does not apply in Canada. In our country, provinces have much more autonomy than states do in the US. Health care, education, taxes, marriage, property and most civil rights are all the domain of the provinces not the federal government.The feds give money to the provinces to provide these services, but the provinces control the rest. Please permit us to introduce you to our biggest province, Ontario, the Centre of the Universe. Ontario's premier is an 800 lb. Gorilla!

After you immigrate from the US, we are determined to find you a place to live in Canada.  On today's episode we explore Saskatchewan where they have been social distancing for the past 150 years and Manitoba. Friendly,  Manitoba, eh?

We built this podcast for progressives who want to immigrate to Canada.  But then your child idiot president legally lost the election in November.  Joey Biden moved into the people's house and turned out to be much more progressive than we ever thought!  Who knew? Why would progressive want to leave the US now?  You got the keys to the candy store!  Well that's all fine and dandy but we still have a podcast to do here people.  So we rebranded. We would like to invite Republicans to immigrate to Canada's most conservative place, Alberta!  Where the right wings come with free health care!

You will learn about Canada's two tiniest provinces, Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia.  And bonus, you will also learn how to do the famous "Inhalation Affirmation".Your life will be transformed!

The 16th largest Island in the world is on the east coast of Canada.  And you can immigrate there, but before you do, you'll have to be "screeched in". This episode will explain it all. 

What do you think the New Brunswick press called a doll house collecting, disco dancing, 'committed bachelor' premier in the 1970's?  Yep, they called him: “flamboyant”.  Richard Hatfield, former potato chip salesman, lawyer and chemist who ran the province for 17 years, is front and centre in a  story like no other. I'll be at Studio 54 if you need to reach me. 

We dive deep into Cali-anada,  the much discussed movement for California cede statehood with the  US and join Canada as our eleventh province.  Well, it is a ‘much discussed' movement on this show, but, probably, nowhere else. 

In Canada, we are a modest people and when huge international celebrity hits, it is very difficult to process with humility. I speak from personal experience: 

Over the past 20 years roughly 235,000 new immigrants arrive in Canada every year. The current Liberal government has upped immigration levels to 300,000 people per year.  Covid 19 isn't  helping them get to that number but the intent is there.  There's a lot of criteria to get by the bureaucrat bouncer at the Canadian immigration rope line,   but if you're between 18 and 54, language is an important factor for your approval.To successfully immigrate to Canada, you have to speak and understand either English or French at what is called “Level 4”.  With level 4 you could understand a grocery list, but perhaps not a doctoral thesis.   And may I just say,  that as a native English speaker,  I have fallen asleep reading a few doctoral thesis. Canadian is not as easy as you might think.  For example, do you have any idea what we call Beyonce's husband up here?  This episode  will prepare you to speak Canadian. 

This episode is about sex. Well, sex and love.  Because in Canada if you'renot in love, you don't have sex. … We are a polite people.  I mean we don't have casual sex in Canada, sex here is formal.  We fall in love, then we make love, that's the way it rolls up here.We also sometimes tell the truth in podcasts.  Sometimes.

 Up here in Canada, we're not worried that someone will shoot us in a fit of road rage if we give 'em the finger after they cut us off while driving. We're polite, we don't give people the finger.  Road rage Canadian style is more …like this:  “go…after you, no, no I insist, please, really, I couldn't, go! you fuckin' asshole!   In fact, our whole system of measurement is different than yours. And you're going to love this, because if you weigh 145 pounds in American, cross the border with your landed immigrant card and boom you will be a mere 65.77 kilograms in Canadian…I can feel that fat melting away and those abs just a poppin'!   You will have to learn our system of measurement – it's called metrication and it can lead to blindness and hair growing on your palms.  

When you look at real estate listings in New York City you can find a crime profile of the neighbourhood. It's a Google map and when you click on the crime icon, the areas in the hood that have criminal activity turn orange. It's like the opposite of the “local amenities” listing. Instead of three pharmacies, a dry cleaner and a pet shop, you get two drunk and dis-orderlies, three B&E's and a domestic.  Since you are moving to Canada, The Yes We Canada Podcast is delighted to offer you the crime profile of your new neighbourhood, downtown Canada. 

A province is like a state but with more power and fewer rednecks. But in our country,  the province of Quebec is actually “the founding French nation” of Canada, which is why it gets its own very podcast.As the only French speaking province in Canada, the government of Quebec has greater control over what are considered federal jurisdictions in other provinces like immigration, taxation and employment. Francophone Quebecers are  tiny island of eight million French speakers surrounded by a sea of 360 million people in North America who speak English as their principal language.So, keeping Quebec French is very important and a  huge challenge.  Therefore, Quebec's immigration policy gives priority to French speaking immigrants and yes, we know that as an American exceptionalist, you are comfortable with having “priority” in every  thing you do, but even though you know how to say“bonjour”,  "oui" and “voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” I think it's gonna take a little more than that to get you into Quebec as a French speaking immigrant. Désolé.But because Yes We Canada is a public service, we give you a free hack on how to move to Quebec with only the french noted above!  Bienvenue! Uh, that means welcome.  

In America your merchant class was idolized as self-made, uh, “men”… in Canada merchants were seen as lowly “vendors”. Serving a customer was not regarded as a noble pursuit. We do it and sometimes with a smile and sometimes with excellent results, whatever, I can't be bothered finishing this sentence. In Canada, service may sometimes come with a smile, but more often it comes with  a mild-mannered indifference, bordering on passive aggressive, insubordination.Don't get me wrong, people are very friendly and known for their hospitality in Canada. In fact, there was  a wonderful hit musical running on Broadway before Covid shut all that down, about how incredibly hospitable we are.  “Come From Away” tells the story of Gander, Newfoundland when the town opened up their homes and community to accommodate  6000 grounded airline passengers, who were forced to spend September 11, 12, and 13th 2001in Gander after American airspace was shut down for everyone except a few members of the Bin Ladin family, who I guess had business class tickets or something.   

 Canada was the final destination of the Underground Railroad. We didn't write poems about accepting someone's huddled masses, we just did it, often quite reluctantly. Up here, we like our racism discreet and polite.If you are a person of colour, and please note how it is spelled up here,  c-o-l-o-u-r … vowels are less expensive in Canada,  the chance of being called a racially demeaning phrase to your face is remote… you just won't get the job, the apartment, the raise, the gig…You think you're moving to a non racist country, but you're not.  

 Your founding fathers are “revolutionaries.” Our founding fathers are “anti–revolutionaries”. Your corporate motto is “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”. Ours is “peace, order and good government”. And I ask, who would you rather party with under a bridge with a bottle of Jack?

Allow us to Timsplain  Tim Horton's donut dominance in the dominion.  Yes, you need to know this, to become a truly socialized Canadian new immigrant.  

I know Royalty is popular. Lots of listeners  for Royalty.  Well, this is as close to royalty as we get in our ruling class, up here  in your new country, Canada,  This is the story of the second Prime Minister Trudeau in 52 years. Ok, the Trudeaus are  budget royalty, but still lots of ratings for Royalty! You don't want to miss this episode.Also Yes We Canada has been selected as one of the top 25 Immigration Podcasts. Our very first award!  https://blog.feedspot.com/canada_immigration_podcasts/ 

You think Canada is dull?  Think again. You have a blond rich girl who decided to get into politics at the pro level...hey!... so do we! 

Hey America, you got a first lady, we got a spouse...this is the first-person debrief. 

Progressives! You saved the Republic! But you're still moving to Canada. This episode not only tells you why, it tells you how to be the proper owner of two, count 'em, two passports!Bienvenue au Canada!

Folks say that Trump's opening act was Sarah Palin. Sarah could see Russia from her house! But  while Trump  can't exactly see Russia from his house apparently, he sees a lot of Russians at his house. The real opening act for Trump was actually the late  crack smokin' bad boy Mayor of Toronto Rob Ford. You are about to learn about the “Scum Scrum.” Get your children away from the podcast, you've been warned.

Sometimes American  low information politicians on the right get all mixed up and call Canada a “paramilitary democracy.” No, our system of government is actually called a “Parliamentary Democracy.” This will explain everything. 

Progressives, thinking about moving to Canada?  Of course you are! We can help. To get in you need to take a test…Unless you are under 18 or over 54. Then there is no test, you can just swear yourself in. Fu*k, this is a cool country! 

Thinking of moving to Canada?  Of course you are.  We can help.  Here's the  Yes We Canada back story. Moscow Mitch send in da judge!