Podcast appearances and mentions of Sarah Palin

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

From the best Sarah Palin impression in history to his spot-on Trump, Stephanie Miller celebrates the life and laughter of the amazing Jim Ward. Join Stephanie for a trip down memory lane that will have you rolling. Plus, she's got plenty of tea to spill. She dissects the shock vote in Indiana that totally derailed the Republican agenda, and checking in on the Biden White House as they dodge their latest hurdles. It's chaos, it's comedy, and it's exactly what you need. With comedy duo Frangela!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Deadpan's unfettered comical sensibility is a vivid testament to Mark Twain's dictum “against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” Set during the world-wide oil crises of the 1970s, the narrative alternates between locations in West Virginia, Las Vegas, Washington, Tehran, and Sinai, featuring characters as diverse as Sarah Palin, Mel Brooks, and the Shah of Iran. Walter's phantasmagorical tour-de-force is not only a satirical takedown of antisemitism (and bigotry in general) but also a dazzling celebration ofhuman dignity, resilience, and humor.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/arroe-collins-unplugged-totally-uncut--994165/support.

Katie Couric is a journalist and the first woman to solo-anchor a major network evening newscast.  We explore the disintermediation of news media, institutional distrust, and the fragmentation of shared truth in America. Katie shares her experiences navigating the CBS boys club, her perspective on the Sarah Palin interview, the craft of asking great questions, her cancer advocacy work after personal tragedy, and what she's learned about happiness.  Along the way, Katie admits she's never been addicted to anything—until now.  With four decades of perspective, Katie doesn't hold back. Enjoy! Show notes + MORE Watch on YouTube Newsletter Sign-Up Today's Sponsors: Bon Charge Get 15% OFF all my favorite wellness products w/ code RICHROLL

When I look around at the crumbling empire I helped build, I wonder how it all went so wrong. How did so many people lose their minds, the legacy media lose its objectivity, and so many so-called “educated” people lose their grip on reality?What is Trump Derangement Syndrome anyway? I think, as someone who lived it and has been online for the last 30 years, that the people with all of the power could not let go of that power, just like the South during the last Civil War. The South had built for itself a utopian version of America, one not rooted in reality, but one they deeply believed in. The same is true for the Left today. I know, I helped build it. I believed in it too and thought it would last forever. Trump's win in 2016 was a sign that half of the country was not happy with how things were going and wanted change, just as much of America understood that a country that proclaimed all men are created equal could not keep slaves.And just as the freeing of the slaves sent the South into mass psychosis that would lead to Jim Crow laws and the oppression of Black Americans, after eight years of deeply rooted propaganda that said Trump was a racist and for him to win would be an existential threat to our way of life, one our country could not survive, sent those of us inside utopia cascading into madness.And so we began fighting a Civil War. Not at Gettysburg or Shiloh, but on Facebook, Twitter/X, YouTube, and TikTok. But only one side is cutting off friends and family. Only one side has no plan for the rest of America on the outside. Only one side seems prepared to become violent to preserve their utopia. I thought November of 2024 was like the burning of Atlanta. Not quite the end of the war, but almost. Now, after Charlie Kirk's assassination and the fracturing of the Right, I'm not so sure.What I do know is that so much of what defines our Civil War, so much of what explains the Left's mass psychosis, took root in 2008.What is an American?2008 was the crisis that sparked the Fourth Turning, according to Neil Howe, who co-wrote the book with William H. Strauss. It wasn't just the election of the first Black president, or the launch of the iPhone, the rise of social media, or the $800 billion bailout of Wall Street that birthed two populist movements on the Left with Occupy and on the Right with the Tea Party. It was also the year an idea contagion began to spread.In April of 2008, Obama was recorded writing off half the country as people who were “bitter” and clinging to “guns and religion.”“Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton activated her entire campaign apparatus to portray Mr. Obama's remarks as reflective of an elitist view of faith and community. His comments, she said, were “not reflective of the values and beliefs of Americans.”Those comments were not seen as racist, yet months later, in October, when Sarah Palin said more or less the same thing, she was called an “Islamaphobe.” Seven years after 9/11, that is what the Left was worried about, not “Radical Islamic terrorism.”From the Washington Post, “Palin's words avoid repulsing voters with overt racism. But is there another subtext for creating the false image of a black presidential nominee “palling around” with terrorists while assuring a predominantly white audience that he doesn't see their America?”Race and racism became the dividing line after that. By 2010, the idea that the Tea Party was racist became a big story. ABC News still had some objectivity and attempted to tell both sides.Reason's Michael Moynihan made a video montage showing how widely accepted it was to call the Tea Party racist. Two years later, in 2012, amid Obama's re-election, Mitt Romney and the Republicans had no idea what they were up against. I was among those fighting Obama's media wars on Twitter, having followed him since the beginning. We were his loyal flock, building the narratives, correcting the bad news, reshaping, retooling, deconstructing, and reconstructing reality to push pure propaganda and keep our side in power.As wealth shifted leftward, thanks to the rise of Silicon Valley, Big Tech also leaned Left. Google, YouTube, Facebook, Amazon, Audible, and book publishing. It was in every university and every institution as society began migrating online. We were in control of all of it.To combat the idea of the racists and the “bitter clingers,” public schools and universities began teaching Critical Race and Gender Theory. It was the beginning of the Great Feminization and the Great Awokening. This contagion was seeded on sites like Tumblr with the oppressor/oppressed mindset, free Palestine, open borders, and a choose-your-gender worldview. It wasn't just Twitter by then. It was all of Hollywood, too, and most of our culture. That's why, in February of 2012, HBO released the movie Game Change, a retelling and repurposing of the 2008 election.Where Palin had been portrayed as a ditsy know-nothing we all laughed at on SNL…Now, Julianne Moore's version was darker and more sinister. A Never Trump narrative was just beginning as Steve Schmidt of the Lincoln Project and Nicolle Wallace were portrayed as the heroes, not to mention the only “good Republican,” John McCain, who stood up to the “racists” and “bitter clingers.” Our superpower in the Obama years was manipulating the flexible nature of words to make them mean anything we wanted them to mean, like “binders full of women.” That would become “Good people on both sides.” Or “Fight like hell.” “When you're famous, they let you do it.”The reality we shaped was everywhere - at gas stations, airports, and magazine covers in the check-out line. Having control of that - the background noise - is what the Left has been fighting to preserve. It is a fight they are losing thanks to the rising voices on the Right, and Trump himself, who are exposing them.But it was accusations of racism and Islamaphobia that would become Obama's most powerful weapon to win. It is the cryptonite of the Ruling Class and what has divided this country for ten years. What a difference 17 years makesBack in 2008, Obama was accused of being a Muslim Socialist, not born in America, who “palled around with terrorists.” Now, one of the new leaders of the Democratic Party is a Muslim socialist, not born in America, who pals around with terrorists. Zohran Mamdani not only feels no shame in admitting this, but he also won because of it. Identity is everything now, so why not scream it from the rooftops? Anyone who complains can easily be dismissed as a racist or an Islamaphobe. In Mamdani's New York, there is an oppressive ruling class keeping the Black and Brown workers poor, instead of the reality, an enclave for the guilty white liberals who fund their movement. But for those checks to keep flowing in, they have to give those guilty whites what they so desperately crave, confirmation that they are the Good White People Doing Good Things, and those “bitter clingers” over there are the “racists” who want to oppress the Black and Brown people they protect. Just give us absolution from our sins of wealth and privilege.Guys like Ken Burns live comfortably away from the harder realities of everyday life in America. Trust me, I know. I used to see him every year at the Telluride Film Festival. His telling of the American story must lead with race and must be yet another lecture to those with less wealth, less power, and less representation in culture - hated people in their own country, forced to accept that America is a corrupt, rotten, imperialist, and white supremacist empire. Making everything about race justifies the ruling class's place atop the wealth hierarchy. Nothing in that hierarchy can be disrupted, so the oppressed must remain oppressed. And for now, there is no way out except to do what I did, escape. Find the truth. Get to know the people they've been told to dehumanize. The Left's idea of utopia erases the value of being an American citizen. It seeks to align with a global world order of like-minded people. Yet, for so many in MAGA, being born American is hitting the jackpot. Nothing is more valuable than the rights all of us have as citizens, no matter our skin color. And yet, the ruling class in America for the past 17 years has decided none of that should matter because our identity is not where we were born. Our identity is whether we are white or not. If you oppose illegal immigration and support mass deportations, you are a racist, according to them, and your citizenship matters less than your white privilege. And that is how illegal immigrants became the oppressed group that governors like Gavin Newsom and JB Pritzker are willing to fight to protect. And ordinary American citizens can be thrown away like human garbage. The New York Times' Peter Baker loved reporting how bad the ticket sales are at the Kennedy Center, never once acknowledging how Trump tried to open it up to the underclass who'd been shut out for years. They see Trump's inclusion of the wrong half of America as taking something away from them, their glory days of utopia. The ballroom will be something lasting, a monument to the half of the country that fought for representation and a permanent structure to remind them of that fight. Here are Walter Kirn and Matt Taibbi from America This Week.The Bitter ClingersNow, it's the Left who are the bitter clingers. They can't accept defeat, and they won't let go of the past, of utopia. Hillary Clinton is a bitter clinger who can't get over the 2016 election. Barack Obama is a bitter clinger who had to call Charlie Kirk a racist when he felt his own legacy dimming. Nancy Pelosi is a bitter clinger who helped manufacture a delusion about January 6th just to obtain absolute power. Barbra Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, Katie Couric, Richard Gere, Rob Reiner, Bruce Springsteen, Martin Sheen, Robert De Niro, and Jane Fonda are all bitter clingers who have never even seen the other half of the country, much less understood it.Those of us on the other side see the danger of utopia, what 17 years of it has done to the minds and bodies of children, what it's done to women and girls, and boys and men. What infusing propaganda into culture has done to truth and art. It is a manufactured reality that reflects an American utopia that doesn't exist and never did, just like the antebellum South. As the Southerners back then were the “bitter clingers,” so too are today's Woketopians, the virtue signaling army at war with the trolls. They are the ones who can't stand people who are not like them and the ones who can't move on from the past. So they fight on, hoping that this time it's not gone with the wind. end// This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sashastone.com/subscribe

Deadpan's unfettered comical sensibility is a vivid testament to Mark Twain's dictum “against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” Set during the world-wide oil crises of the 1970s, the narrative alternates between locations in West Virginia, Las Vegas, Washington, Tehran, and Sinai, featuring characters as diverse as Sarah Palin, Mel Brooks, and the Shah of Iran. Walter's phantasmagorical tour-de-force is not only a satirical takedown of antisemitism (and bigotry in general) but also a dazzling celebration ofhuman dignity, resilience, and humor.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/arroe-collins-like-it-s-live--4113802/support.

Whether you're talking about Sarah Palin or Sydney Andrews, one thing is sure, you're talking about chaos, flakiness, and feminine guiles.Unless it's sexist to say that, in which case delete that line.This week, we look at the soaring rhetoric of "I can see Russia from my house" and compare it to a speech written for Sydney Andrews about all the things she can se from her Director's Chair.

Conservative intellectual and Bulwark editor-at-large Bill Kristol joins hosts Josh Eakle and Max Marty to discuss his evolution from Republican insider to principled opponent of authoritarianism. Former chief of staff to Vice President Dan Quayle and architect of neoconservative foreign policy, Kristol reflects on how the party he helped shape for decades succumbed to populist demagoguery — and why he didn't see it coming. The conversation explores whether the Reagan-Bush conservative movement was actually an historical aberration, masking deeper nativist currents that Trump successfully unleashed. Kristol argues that decent people across the political spectrum must band together against authoritarianism, just as classical liberals and social democrats united against fascism and communism in the 20th century. Topics Discussed: * The journey from supporting Sarah Palin to becoming a Never Trumper — and why January 6th was the point of no return * How the Tea Party movement evolved from fiscal conservatism to proto-MAGA populism * Why immigration became the sleeper issue that reshaped Republican politics, even among affluent cruise-goers * The three-legged stool's collapse: how social conservatives, foreign policy hawks, and business elites all capitulated to Trump * America First's dark historical echoes and the return of 1920s-30s nativist isolationism * Why ex-Republicans have unique credibility in warning about authoritarianism — the “Whittaker Chambers effect” • How Trump inadvertently pushed Democrats toward free trade and internationalism * What Democrats can do to welcome center-right refugees without overthinking coalition politics Links & Resources: * The Bulwark* Defending Democracy Together – https://www.defendingdemocracytogethe...* Project Liberal – https://www.projectliberal.org* Become a Project Liberal member – https://projectliberal.org/member Get full access to Project Liberal at projectliberal.substack.com/subscribe

Register your feedback here. Always good to hear from you!We finish Animal Month with my third and (probably) final venture into ursine territory. If my buddy Kenny Embry is out there, this one's for you. We'll discuss Sarah Palin's favorite mammal and the situations in which you might encounter it; the most famous bear-hunter in history and my surprising issues with him; the most obnoxious meme on the internet (and that's saying something); and the race you absolutely must win, even if it means leaving your buddy in the dust.Check out Hal on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@halhammons9705Hal Hammons serves as preacher and shepherd for the Lakewoods Drive church of Christ in Georgetown, Texas. He is the host of the Citizen of Heaven podcast. You are encouraged to seek him and the Lakewoods Drive church through Facebook and other social media. Lakewoods Drive is an autonomous group of Christians dedicated to praising God, teaching the gospel to all who will hear, training Christians in righteousness, and serving our God and one another faithfully. We believe the Bible is God's word, that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, that heaven is our home, and that we have work to do here while we wait. Regular topics of discussion and conversation include: Christians, Jesus, obedience, faith, grace, baptism, New Testament, Old Testament, authority, gospel, fellowship, justice, mercy, faithfulness, forgiveness, Twenty Pages a Week, Bible reading, heaven, hell, virtues, character, denominations, submission, service, character, COVID-19, assembly, Lord's Supper, online, social media, YouTube, Facebook.

“44 – The Musical” is a satirical look at the rise and first term of the presidency of Barack Obama along with the myriad of characters who were part of that story. As told from the memory of Veep Joe Biden, we get Michelle Obama, Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, Sarah Palin, Ted Cruise and others. […]

Trump's approval ratings have crashed to 37% - that magical Sarah Palin floor where only the most delusional true believers remain loyal. What do chemical bonds and political loyalties have in common, and why are some Trump voters starting to break away while his hardcore base would happily be entombed with him in the afterlife? Looking back 20 years to Bush's catastrophic second term, we trace the eerily similar trajectory from election victory to underwater approval ratings. Is history preparing to rhyme again in ways that could reshape the midterm landscape?Stay in Touch! Email: proleftpodcast@gmail.comWebsite: proleftpod.comSupport via Patreon: patreon.com/proleftpodMail: The Professional Left, PO Box 9133, Springfield, Illinois, 62791Support the show

Before the monologue, before the music, it all starts with the Cold Open. Nick looks back at the iconic opening sketch format that has kicked off nearly every Saturday Night Live since its debut. From absurd beginnings like “feeding your fingertips to the wolverines,” to sharp political parodies featuring Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, Will Ferrell's George W. Bush, and Amy Poehler's Hillary Clinton, the Cold Open has always set the tone. Nick revisits six standout segments, sharing behind-the-scenes stories and context, all leading up to that legendary line: “Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!” [Ep 136]

Trump is headed to Sarah Palin's house in Alaska to see if he and Putin can come to deal on Ukraine. The Europeans and the left wing media are falling over themselves in hopes that he fails, but because land trade bad, death and killing good. A new peace deal and trade route through Kardashian homeland and Azerbijian bypasses the European need to free the black sea from the Ruskies and might set up Bad Orange Man for the Nobel Peace Prize? It's a TRIPP. China is so mad and Bongbong Marcos, that they rammed their own ship. Canadians have to stay inside because their government told them to. LOL. Elbows up! Young people are getting colon cancer and banging AI. What has the world come to?   Producers for MMO #182   Fiat Fun Coupon Producers Sharky Shark SirLeifHart Plaidpotion Tom in Wyoming https://youtu.be/3--3XMORp5I?si=FM3Q4QJ2XTUAdtGv Susan A. Nail Lord of Gaylord Richard Richardson Wiirdo PoddyMouth     Booster Producers coincat          | 5,000 | BAG DADDY BOOSTER! djw            | 1,976 boolysteed        | 1,234 boolysteed        | 1,111 lavish          | 1,111 everydayjay        | 1,101 cbrooklyn         | 1,000 colemccormick1      | 333 sandesingh        | 200 user21734150       | 150 NostrGang         | 101 Sir Jared of South Burien | 100 Sir Jared of South Burien | 100   Creative Producers: Episode Artwork Woof does it again!   End of Show Song Song: MMO Boys Preshow Banter Artist: Cake Farts and Small Asian Women   Follow Us: X/Twitter MMO Show John Dan Youtube (while it lasts) MMO Show Livestream Rumble MMO Show Livestream Twitch MMO Show Livestream   Shownotes: Dan's Sources Cool Video on Ukraine Drone warfare mentioned in show: Inside the Battle of Kostiantynivka under drone-infested sky Explained: The land Ukraine could be forced to give up "Philippines Will Be Drawn in Taiwan War..." Marcos Reveals Manila's Plan if China Attacks US Ally Chinese Ships Collide in Encounter With Philippine Boats 1 dead, 1 still missing after U.S. Steel plant explosion in Pennsylvania Right-wing podcasters’ new competition "This is about control": Protests erupt in Washington after Trump federalizes DC police Trump deploys federal officers in Washington, DC Ukraine, Europe concerned over Trump's 'land-swap' hints ahead of Alaska summit with Putin | DW News Trump seals peace deal between longtime foes Armenia and Azerbaijan | DW News Could You Fall in Love With an AI? US officials rush to finalize details of Alaska talks [FREE] Rugrats Get Money - Hip Hop Rap Remix Instrumental 2024   John's Shownotes   Russia            CNN on Negotiations            Listening Exercise   Caucasus            The TRIPP            Early Post About Zangezur Corridor   Europe            Festival Ban CLICKS   South Am            Maduro Bounty back and forth   Protests            Maddow Protests Olds   Climate            Tim Houston Climate Lockdown   Health            CBS Colon Cancer Screening             Marriage            CBS Homosexual Marriage

Trump is headed to Sarah Palin's house in Alaska to see if he and Putin can come to deal on Ukraine. The Europeans and the left wing media are falling over themselves in hopes that he fails, but because land trade bad, death and killing good. A new peace deal and trade route through Kardashian homeland and Azerbijian bypasses the European need to free the black sea from the Ruskies and might set up Bad Orange Man for the Nobel Peace Prize? It's a TRIPP. China is so mad and Bongbong Marcos, that they rammed their own ship. Canadians have to stay inside because their government told them to. LOL. Elbows up! Young people are getting colon cancer and banging AI. What has the world come to?   Producers for MMO #182   Fiat Fun Coupon Producers Sharky Shark SirLeifHart Plaidpotion Tom in Wyoming https://youtu.be/3--3XMORp5I?si=FM3Q4QJ2XTUAdtGv Susan A. Nail Lord of Gaylord Richard Richardson Wiirdo PoddyMouth     Booster Producers coincat          | 5,000 | BAG DADDY BOOSTER! djw            | 1,976 boolysteed        | 1,234 boolysteed        | 1,111 lavish          | 1,111 everydayjay        | 1,101 cbrooklyn         | 1,000 colemccormick1      | 333 sandesingh        | 200 user21734150       | 150 NostrGang         | 101 Sir Jared of South Burien | 100 Sir Jared of South Burien | 100   Creative Producers: Episode Artwork Woof does it again!   End of Show Song Song: MMO Boys Preshow Banter Artist: Cake Farts and Small Asian Women   Follow Us: X/Twitter MMO Show John Dan Youtube (while it lasts) MMO Show Livestream Rumble MMO Show Livestream Twitch MMO Show Livestream   Shownotes: Dan's Sources Cool Video on Ukraine Drone warfare mentioned in show: Inside the Battle of Kostiantynivka under drone-infested sky Explained: The land Ukraine could be forced to give up "Philippines Will Be Drawn in Taiwan War..." Marcos Reveals Manila's Plan if China Attacks US Ally Chinese Ships Collide in Encounter With Philippine Boats 1 dead, 1 still missing after U.S. Steel plant explosion in Pennsylvania Right-wing podcasters’ new competition "This is about control": Protests erupt in Washington after Trump federalizes DC police Trump deploys federal officers in Washington, DC Ukraine, Europe concerned over Trump's 'land-swap' hints ahead of Alaska summit with Putin | DW News Trump seals peace deal between longtime foes Armenia and Azerbaijan | DW News Could You Fall in Love With an AI? US officials rush to finalize details of Alaska talks [FREE] Rugrats Get Money - Hip Hop Rap Remix Instrumental 2024   John's Shownotes   Russia            CNN on Negotiations            Listening Exercise   Caucasus            The TRIPP            Early Post About Zangezur Corridor   Europe            Festival Ban CLICKS   South Am            Maduro Bounty back and forth   Protests            Maddow Protests Olds   Climate            Tim Houston Climate Lockdown   Health            CBS Colon Cancer Screening             Marriage            CBS Homosexual Marriage

Stories we're following this morning at Progress Texas:Trump's Big Bullshit Bill, passed by the Senate, now heads for the House, where part of the opposition is Texas Congressman Chip Roy - whose concerns about impacts to the national debt will likely lead to even deeper cuts for vulnerable Americans: https://www.tpr.org/government-politics/2025-07-02/why-texas-rep-chip-roy-broke-with-trump-on-the-gops-mega-bill...Rural, red, Republican Texas is about to feel the full impact of the bill as the healthcare desert they already live in gets even worse: https://www.houstonchronicle.com/opinion/editorials/article/budget-bill-trump-medicaid-rural-hospitals-20402463.phpSenator John Cornyn - in major trouble in polling against Ken Paxton - has lost none of his fundraising prowess as he'll have at least $12 million to fend off his primary challenger: https://www.politico.com/live-updates/2025/07/01/congress/john-cornyn-fundraising-texas-senate-primary-ken-paxton-00434713Progress Texas Executive Director Kathleen Thompson weighs in on what Zohran Mamadani's success in NYC means for Texas: "young people are motivated if they're turned on by a candidate": https://thebarbedwire.com/2025/07/01/politicians-texans-can-learn-zohran-mamdani/...And we review that time in 2008 when Kathleen bested recently-declared Texas Senate candidate Leigh Wamsganss, who wanted Texans to ignore bad polling on then-VP candidate Sarah Palin: https://vimeo.com/27319160Advocacy and Development Coordinator Tatum Owens has been travels in the Pacific Northwest, where she's experiencing firsthand the impact of Trump's budget cuts on our national parks: https://www.commoncause.org/fr/actes/tell-congress-stop-trumps-cuts-to-national-parks/The merch to match your progressive values awaits at our web store! Goodies at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://store.progresstexas.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.Thanks for listening! Find our web store and other ways to support our important work at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://progresstexas.org⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Sarah Palin teams up with moon Nazis! Do I need to say more? Donate to the podcast through PayPal eloftmpodcast@gmail.com Or subscribe to my comic strip at patreon.com/LNTCS

Quinn comes to you LIVE to reminisce about golden ages like cheap Pizza Hut, $5 pitchers of craft beer, and Sarah Palin

Thursday, June 2nd, 2022In the Hot Notes: John Eastman reveals in a court filing which email was subject to the crime fraud exception; Lin Wood loses his appeal to block the Georgia bar association's mental health probe videotapes reveal the GOP's plans to subvert elections; the Texas school police chief is ignoring state investigators questions about the Uvalde shooting, and a judge rejects Sarah Palin's nonsense again; plus Dana and Allison deliver your Good News.Follow our guest on Twitter:Adam Klasfeldhttps://twitter.com/KlasfeldReports Federal workers - feel free to email me at fedoath@pm.me and let me know what you're going to do, or just vent. I'm always here to listen.Share your Good News or Good Trouble:https://www.dailybeanspod.com/good/ Check out other MSW Media podcastshttps://mswmedia.com/shows/Subscribe for free to MuellerSheWrote on Substackhttps://muellershewrote.substack.comFollow AG and Dana on Social MediaDr. Allison Gill Substack|Muellershewrote, BlueSky|@muellershewrote , Threads|@muellershewrote, TikTok|@muellershewrote, IG|muellershewrote, Twitter|@MuellerSheWrote,Dana GoldbergTwitter|@DGComedy, IG|dgcomedy, facebook|dgcomedy, IG|dgcomedy, danagoldberg.com, BlueSky|@dgcomedyHave some good news; a confession; or a correction to share?Good News & Confessions - The Daily Beanshttps://www.dailybeanspod.com/confessional/ Listener Survey:http://survey.podtrac.com/start-survey.aspx?pubid=BffJOlI7qQcF&ver=shortFollow the Podcast on Apple:The Daily Beans on Apple PodcastsWant to support the show and get it ad-free and early?Supercasthttps://dailybeans.supercast.com/Patreon https://patreon.com/thedailybeansOr subscribe on Apple Podcasts with our affiliate linkThe Daily Beans on Apple Podcasts

[EP 25-216] It's the end of an era for the Democrats. Trump's resurgence reminds me of a boxer who arrives in his prime as many of his idols are aging out. One by one, the newbie cements his place in history by defeating the old guard one by one, sending them all into retirement.Politically speaking, Trump represents the newbie. And he's taking down the establishment by defeating the “original gangstas” (OGs) one by one.Obama is a shell of what he used to represent. Remember when this guy could command crowds of tens of thousands? Anywhere. I don't know if I've ever seen a politician fall so far, though Sarah Palin may be a close second. However she never rose to the prominence of Obama. Nor did she have the potential for such radical change.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-kevin-jackson-show--2896352/support.

If you told me two years ago that one of the most compelling answers to America's broken democracy would come from a blockchain-savvy military veteran out of Orlando, I probably wouldn't have guessed it. But that's exactly what I discovered in my recent conversation with Ramon Perez, founder of the Digital Democracy Project (DDP), during a Nerds for Humanity livestream that still has me thinking.Perez is no idealist with a half-baked startup pitch. He's a 13-year military officer who served in Iraq and Afghanistan. He's also a data and AI consultant with a deep understanding of both how government works—and how it fails. And after January 6th, he knew he had to do something more.“It was hard to stomach this sense that we'd spent 20 years trying to build democracy in Afghanistan and Iraq,” Perez told me, “and we were watching it fall apart here in the United States.”From the Battlefield to the BallotThat dissonance lit a fire under Perez. Leveraging his background in cybersecurity and AI, he partnered with a Boston-based startup called Voatz—best known for their blockchain-secure mobile voting platform. While Voatz originally focused on allowing military voters abroad to securely cast ballots from their phones, Perez saw a broader application.“Why should we wait every four years to weigh in on public policy?” he asked. “Why not let people tell their representatives what they want, when they want?”The result is the Digital Democracy Project. DDP allows voters to view active legislation in their state or in Congress, weigh in directly through the Voatz app, and see how their elected officials vote in comparison. No spin. No party filter. Just data.How It WorksWhen you register on the app, your identity is verified using photo ID and facial recognition, cross-checked with your voter file. Then, you get access to real legislation and can vote on bills before they reach the floor.Once the legislature acts, DDP matches each representative's vote with the will of their constituents and gives every lawmaker a public scorecard. Think baseball cards for politicians, but instead of batting averages, you get alignment with the people.As of this year, DDP is going national. What started as a Florida pilot will be scaled to all 50 states, with the potential to reshape civic engagement in America.When the Will of the People Meets the Wall of PowerWhat happens when data shows that your representative consistently votes against the will of their constituents? You get names."Matt Gaetz was at the bottom of our Florida Congressional leaderboard," Perez said, with characteristic deadpan.Interestingly, the divergence isn't always partisan. In the Florida State Legislature, Democrats often aligned more with constituent sentiment than Republicans. But at the federal level, party lines blurred. Mario Diaz-Balart, a Republican, scored near the top. Progressive darling Maxwell Frost? Near the bottom.This discrepancy, Perez argues, proves that our tidy left-right dichotomy is mostly fiction.“Party affiliation is an intellectual construct. It doesn't exist in the real world,” he said. “That's not how most people think, and it's not even how many legislators vote.”A Quiet Threat to the Political-Industrial ComplexYou might think lawmakers would run from a project that holds them this accountable. And some do. But others see it differently.“We actually received bipartisan budget support in Florida—a Republican and a Democrat co-sponsored our funding bill,” Perez told me.That bill passed the legislature. It was then vetoed by Governor Ron DeSantis.“Who knows why,” Perez said. But the potential was clear: when citizens gain power, entrenched interests push back.And it's not just DDP feeling the pressure.Rank My Vote Florida: Buried Before It BloomedPerez also leads Rank My Vote Florida, which advocates for ranked choice voting (RCV). After local municipalities began adopting RCV and seeing positive results, the state legislature stepped in—and banned it.“They smothered the infant in its crib,” Perez said.Why? Because RCV helps consensus candidates win. In traditional elections, candidates can win with a mere plurality. That means you can become a member of Congress, or even governor, with just 20-30% support—if the field is crowded enough. RCV requires majority support and rewards broad appeal.Case in point: Sarah Palin's loss in Alaska.“In a first-past-the-post system, she likely would've won. But Alaska used RCV, and the voters chose someone else,” Perez explained. “That scared people.”So ALEC, a conservative policy organization, began circulating bills to preemptively ban RCV. Florida, Tennessee, and a dozen other states have already adopted those bans.Building a Parallel SystemSince state legislatures have closed the door, Perez is working on building a window. He's exploring the idea of a "citizens election" in Florida—a parallel, unofficial election using Voatz and RCV.The idea? Show what the results could have looked like with better voting infrastructure. Compare a Gaetz victory with a DDP winner. Let voters see the gap for themselves.Why This MattersFor years, the story of American democracy has been one of decay. Gerrymandering. Voter suppression. Uncompetitive districts. Primary systems that reward extremism. Polarization that turns every compromise into betrayal.And yet, this quiet, open-source, volunteer-powered movement is building something that just might work. It brings secure, authenticated mobile voting into the mainstream. It invites voters to participate continuously, not episodically. It creates pressure on legislators to respond to real constituent preferences, not just party bosses or lobbyists.It's easy to be cynical about American politics. But Perez is one of the few builders I've met who is doing something tangible, practical, and scalable.As he put it: “We've only been a true representative republic for about 60 years. And in many ways, we're already losing it. This technology helps us claw it back.”A New Social ContractPerez ended our chat with a vision: millions of voters across all 50 states using DDP to make their voices heard. Candidates running on a platform of following their scorecards. School boards, counties, and municipalities adopting digital engagement. And ultimately, a democracy that's not defined by lobbying budgets, cable news cycles, or billionaire megadonors—but by real people, voting in real time.He's got about 24,000 users today. He'll need millions. But then again, every movement starts small.“We're not trying to tweak the existing system,” Perez said. “We're building a better one.”If you're a Python developer, consider volunteering. If you're a voter, download the app. And if you're a citizen who still believes democracy is worth saving, this is one place to start.If you found this conversation valuable, please consider becoming a YouTube channel member. Memberships help cover the costs of production and get you a shoutout on every livestream.Bye nerds. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nerdsforhumanity.substack.com

John and Jonathan unpack the narrow House passage of Trump's “One Big Beautiful Bill” and its sweeping pro-life provisions—especially the 10-year defunding of Planned Parenthood. They reflect on legislative history, the power of reconciliation, and ponder its chances in the Senate. Plus: a bizarre bombing at a California IVF clinic opens a deeper conversation on the ethics of IVF and what Trump's upcoming executive order could mean for the future of life policy.

Hasan sits down with former Republican political consultant and current Never Trumper Tim Miller to talk about MAGA’s origin story, Sarah Palin, and why Republican politicians have such a humiliation kink. Co-Creator & Executive Producer: Hasan MinhajCo-Creator & Executive Producer: Prashanth VenkataramanujamExecutive Producer/Director: Tyler BabinExecutive Producer/Showrunner: Scott VroomanCinematographer: Austin MoralesProducer: Kayla FengEditor: Ethan BeachTalent Coordinator: Tanya SomanaderExecutive Assistant: Samuel PilandSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This Flashback Friday is from episode 304 published last Mar 6, 2013. Jason talks with investment counselor, Sara, about investor psychology, overcoming obstacles and getting out of our own way.  The smoke-and-mirrors propaganda perpetuated by mainstream media (lamestream media as Sarah Palin says) in reporting the new high in the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA).   They almost always fail to distinguish between nominal dollars and real dollars.  Jason illustrates how investors have actually lost money in inflation adjusted dollars and how the Dow has to increase a lot more before investors break even based on the two peaks.  This lie is even worse when one considers how inflation is underreported in the consumer price index (CPI and CPI-U) due to weighting, substitution and hedonics (the hedonic index).  Another misrepresentation is the 'core rate' or 'core inflation' which strips out food and energy because they're too volatile.   Follow Jason on TWITTER, INSTAGRAM & LINKEDIN Twitter.com/JasonHartmanROI Instagram.com/jasonhartman1/ Linkedin.com/in/jasonhartmaninvestor/ Call our Investment Counselors at: 1-800-HARTMAN (US) or visit: https://www.jasonhartman.com/ Free Class:  Easily get up to $250,000 in funding for real estate, business or anything else: http://JasonHartman.com/Fund CYA Protect Your Assets, Save Taxes & Estate Planning: http://JasonHartman.com/Protect Get wholesale real estate deals for investment or build a great business – Free Course: https://www.jasonhartman.com/deals Special Offer from Ron LeGrand: https://JasonHartman.com/Ron Free Mini-Book on Pandemic Investing: https://www.PandemicInvesting.com

Send us a textAlaska State House Representative for West Anchorage Carolyn Hall got an internship with the Boston Red Sox during her senior year of college in New Hampshire. This led to her dream job working for the team as a videographer during their World Series win in 2004. In 2008 she branched into TV journalism getting her first job with a small local market: KTUU in Anchorage. She covered the Iditarod, Gov. Sarah Palin, Sen. Ted Stevens' trial from DC, and Sen. Lisa Murkowski's 2010 write-in campaign. Hall then worked for a larger TV market in Seattle where she earned an Emmy for her coverage of the Oso Landslide in 2014. After returning to Anchorage, she left broadcast journalism and branched into politics working as communications director for Governor Bill Walker, and at the start of the Covid pandemic, for Anchorage Mayor Ethan Berkowitz. We talk about all of that and how she ended up running for office in today's episode. Watch the video of Carolyn Hall and Ethan Berkowitz leaving Anchorage Assembly Chambers, Aug 12, 2020.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.serioustrouble.showWe've got a lot for paid subscribers this week: Updates on several removal cases, a look at the arrest of Judge Hannah Dugan, our first look at the litigation over Trump's tariffs, a cautionary tale about what happens when you accidentally file your internal deliberations about the weakness of your case on the public court docket, some forecasts for George Santos's time in federal prison, a discussion of why Sarah Palin lost (again) in her case against The New York Times, and more. If you want to upgrade to hear all of that, go to https://www.serioustrouble.show.

Kara and Scott discuss Elon Musk's decision to step back from DOGE focus on Tesla, Instagram co-founder Kevin Systrom's testimony in the Meta antitrust trial, and late Zappos co-founder Tony Hsieh's newly found will. Plus, Sarah Palin loses her defamation retrial against the New York Times, and another whiplash week on Wall Street. Follow us on Instagram and Threads at @pivotpodcastofficial. Follow us on Bluesky at @pivotpod.bsky.social. Follow us on TikTok at @pivotpodcast. Send us your questions by calling us at 855-51-PIVOT, or at nymag.com/pivot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

OA1153 - It's good news Friday! Here are some stories about American fascists losing or otherwise showing their asses in court, including (among others): The Supreme Court comes through strong for immigrant justice at 1 AM on a Saturday morning Samuel Alito fails to properly interpret a book written at a fourth grade level after having his Easter ruined by immigrant justice DOJ accidentally files an embarrassing internal memo into the record Sarah Palin's tries and fails to sue the New York Times for libel for the second time  one federal judge stops Trump's attempt to do the SAVE Act through an executive order, while another reverses an ICE kidnapping Neil Gorsuch does a genuinely good thing for non-citizens through a simple act of textualism DOJ pulls out one of the most ridiculous excuses for violating a court order in US legal history Finally, a meta-footnote on why Matt is ready to join the calls to impeach national hero James Boasberg for his radical views on the utility of (what else) footnotes. Samuel Alito's dissent in A.A.R.P. v. Trump (4/19/25) SCOTUS's decision in Monsalvo-Velasquez v. Bondi  (4/22/25) Vermont federal district court order returning Rumeysa Ozturk to Vermont Courtlistener docket for D.V.D. v. DHS Courtlistener docket for American Oversight v. Hegseth Check out the OA Linktree for all the places to go and things to do! To support the show (and lose the ads!), please pledge at patreon.com/law! This content is CAN credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm on their hotline at (617) 249-4255, or on their website at creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org.

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2025Today, turns out the intel that Pete Hegseth shared on at least two unsecure Signal chats came from a classified system; three prosecutors on the Eric Adams case have resigned after being pressured by Emil Bove to lie about it; new images could change cancer research but ICE has detained the Harvard scientist who analyzes them; lawyers for Abrego Garcia issue their first letter accusing the government of obstructing the court ordered discovery in his case; the FDA has suspended quality tests for milk; the Trump administration will be sending those in student loan default to collections; A Tennessee bill that would have required school districts to ask students their citizenship status is likely now dead for the year; a Trump draft order calls for a dramatic restructuring of the State Department; a federal judge orders the government to give Venezuelan migrants in Colorado a 21 day deportation notice; HHS is going to scrap the national LGBTQ Youth Suicide Hotline; and Sarah Palin loses her defamation suit against the New York Times… again; and Allison and Dana deliver your Good News.Thank You, Helix Sleep20% Off Sitewide when you go to HelixSleep.com/dailybeansGuest: Andi McNewEast County Victory | ecvictory.com@andimc888) - IG ,@andimc888.bsky.social) - Bluesky, @andimc888.bsky.social) - Twitter, tiktok.com/@andimc888Run For SomethingWhere Can I RunStories:Info Hegseth shared with wife and brother came from top general's secure messages | NBC NewsJudges extend Venezuela deportation blocks, question Trump's use of wartime law | Reuters3 Adams Case Prosecutors Resign Rather Than Express Regret to Justice Dept. | The New York TimesNew images could change cancer diagnostics, but ICE detained the Harvard scientist who analyzes them NBC NewsUS FDA suspends milk quality tests amid workforce cuts | ReutersGood Trouble:Doug Collins shared a snitch email address to all VA employees on Tuesday. The email read in part: On February 6, 2025, President Trump enacted Executive Order (EQ) 14202, Eradicating Anti-Christian Bias, establishing a Task Force to review the last Administration's treatment Accordingly, the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) is establishing its own Task Force to better effectuate the Department's internal review. The VA Task Force now requests all instances of anti-Christian discrimination to Anti-ChristianBiasReporting@va.govSubmissions should include sufficient identifiers such as names, dates, and locations - make sure to let them know about any anti-christian shit the trump administration is doing. From The Good NewsSigns of Justice (@signsofjustice) | IG and MSW Media (@mswmediapods) | IG Papal conclave - WikipediaConclave (2024) - IMDbReminder - you can see the pod pics if you become a Patron. The good news pics are at the bottom of the show notes of each Patreon episode! That's just one of the perks of subscribing! Federal workers - feel free to email me at fedoath@pm.me and let me know what you're going to do, or just vent. I'm always here to listen.Share your Good News or Good Trouble:https://www.dailybeanspod.com/good/ Check out other MSW Media podcastshttps://mswmedia.com/shows/Subscribe for free to MuellerSheWrote on Substackhttps://muellershewrote.substack.comFollow AG and Dana on Social MediaDr. Allison Gill Substack|Muellershewrote, BlueSky|@muellershewrote , Threads|@muellershewrote, TikTok|@muellershewrote, IG|muellershewrote, Twitter|@MuellerSheWrote,Dana GoldbergTwitter|@DGComedy, IG|dgcomedy, facebook|dgcomedy, IG|dgcomedy, danagoldberg.com, BlueSky|@dgcomedyHave some good news; a confession; or a correction to share?Good News & Confessions - The Daily Beanshttps://www.dailybeanspod.com/confessional/ Listener Survey:http://survey.podtrac.com/start-survey.aspx?pubid=BffJOlI7qQcF&ver=shortFollow the Podcast on Apple:The Daily Beans on Apple PodcastsWant to support the show and get it ad-free and early?Supercasthttps://dailybeans.supercast.com/Patreon https://patreon.com/thedailybeansOr subscribe on Apple Podcasts with our affiliate linkThe Daily Beans on Apple Podcasts

English-Shakespeare Day… Shannon Sharpe lawsuit… More Food Dyes banned… Milk testing put on hold… Bird Flu 2016 strain study… Nate Bargatze Hosting Emmys… McDonald's UK new stuff… Sarah Palin was not libeled by NYT… Who Died Today: Sophie Nyweide 24 / Mike Patrick 80… Anniversary of Prince dying… Bill Owens resigns from 60 Minutes… Rite Aid selling off pieces – bankruptcy… Boeing digital aviation business for cash…Japan buying rice from South Korea – Making deals with US for rice and soy beans… Countries making tariff deals with US without China… Smiley Face in Night Sky… Joke of The Day… Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

John this time talks about Trump's recent lying about how well the economy is doing when in actuality he is crashing it just like Herbert Hoover and he discusses first lady millionaire at birth apartheid nepo-baby McBratt-face Elon Musk. Telsa earnings dropped 71% and the company announced a dismal financial forecast. As a result, Elon is reportedly scaling back the amount of time spent on DOGE and the Trump Administration. Then, Professor Corey Brettschneider is back to give sound legal advice on the history of the horrific Alien Enemies Act Trump is using to kidnap immigrants and in a win for freedom of the press - a federal jury ruling against Sarah Palin in her defamation lawsuit against the New York Times. Next, comedian, podcast host, author, and a staunch advocate for the resistance - Allison Gill returns to joke about the GOP and Trump's latest shenanigans. And closing it up, John interviews Beowulf Rochlen about his new energizing podcast "Good News For Lefties (and America!)".See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wednesday briefing: Pete Hegseth's Signal chats; Elon Musk, DOGE and Tesla; measles vaccine poll; Sarah Palin; and moreRead today's briefing.If you're not a subscriber, click here to start.

Vice President JD Vance has warned that the US may abandon negotiations between Ukraine and Russia. St. Peter's Basilica is now open for mourners to pay their respects to Pope Francis. We give the latest on the New Jersey wildfire. The EU has slapped huge fines on American big tech companies. Plus, Sarah Palin has lost her defamation lawsuit with the New York Times.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

President Trump said he wouldn't fire Jerome Powell. Former Governor Andrew Cuomo is getting questioned about his past decisions on Covid 19, that killed people in the nursing home. 60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens is stepping down. Mark Interviews Boston Radio Host Howie Carr. Mark and Howie talk about how the democrats are still using woke ideas to go after Trump on. Howie explains how attacking Tesla and getting angry is only making Dems look worse. Dems are not for America. Cornell University has canceled Slope Day headliner Kehlani over her Anti Israel thoughts. Is Cornell University next on the list for defunding? Sarah Palin has lost her defamation case retrial case against The New York Times. No Justice for her.  Mark Interviews Author Ann Coulter. Ann breaks down how Cornell University will go under if they don't fix the Anti-Semitic issue. How come the Left-Wing networks like MSNBC and CNN aren't off the air? Signal Gate will destroy the left-wing media.

Cornell University has canceled Slope Day headliner Kehlani over her Anti Israel thoughts. Is Cornell University next on the list for defunding? Sarah Palin has lost her defamation case retrial case against The New York Times. No Justice for her. 

Cornell University has canceled Slope Day headliner Kehlani over her Anti Israel thoughts. Is Cornell University next on the list for defunding? Sarah Palin has lost her defamation case retrial case against The New York Times. No Justice for her. Mark Takes Your Calls! Mark Interviews Author Ann Coulter. Ann breaks down how Cornell University will go under if they don't fix the Anti-Semitic issue. How come the Left-Wing networks like MSNBC and CNN aren't off the air? Signal Gate will destroy the left-wing media.

President Trump said he wouldn't fire Jerome Powell. Former Governor Andrew Cuomo is getting questioned about his past decisions on Covid 19, that killed people in the nursing home. 60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens is stepping down. Mark Interviews Boston Radio Host Howie Carr. Mark and Howie talk about how the democrats are still using woke ideas to go after Trump on. Howie explains how attacking Tesla and getting angry is only making Dems look worse. Dems are not for America. Cornell University has canceled Slope Day headliner Kehlani over her Anti Israel thoughts. Is Cornell University next on the list for defunding? Sarah Palin has lost her defamation case retrial case against The New York Times. No Justice for her.  Mark Interviews Author Ann Coulter. Ann breaks down how Cornell University will go under if they don't fix the Anti-Semitic issue. How come the Left-Wing networks like MSNBC and CNN aren't off the air? Signal Gate will destroy the left-wing media. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Cornell University has canceled Slope Day headliner Kehlani over her Anti Israel thoughts. Is Cornell University next on the list for defunding? Sarah Palin has lost her defamation case retrial case against The New York Times. No Justice for her. Mark Takes Your Calls! Mark Interviews Author Ann Coulter. Ann breaks down how Cornell University will go under if they don't fix the Anti-Semitic issue. How come the Left-Wing networks like MSNBC and CNN aren't off the air? Signal Gate will destroy the left-wing media. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Cornell University has canceled Slope Day headliner Kehlani over her Anti Israel thoughts. Is Cornell University next on the list for defunding? Sarah Palin has lost her defamation case retrial case against The New York Times. No Justice for her. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Howie Kurtz on Maryland Senator Van Hollen meeting with deported El Salvadoran man, Trump saying he is ready to 'move on' from Ukraine-Russia talks and an ex-NY Times editor apologizing to Sarah Palin in defamation case. Follow Howie on Twitter: @HowardKurtz For more #MediaBuzz click here Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Blake Lively made Time's 100 Most Influential list, Sperm Racing, Nice Carter's newest sex assault accusation, Amanda Bynes joins OnlyFans, Cop Cam: a not-missing person case, Talk Tuah is done, and a Corey Feldman update. RIP Wink Martindale and Jay North. Oh, and a belated RIP Ray Combs. Radio: Michigan is moving their sports broadcasts to WCSX & WMGC. Guy Gordon BLOWN OUT at WJR. McSteamy is “unrecognizable” now that we know Eric Dane had ALS. Nick Carter is in hot water AGAIN. There is a new boring documentary out on the Carter family. The world's first ‘sperm race' is going to happen… with gambling. Karmelo Anthony is getting more sympathy than Austin Metcalf… who he murdered. The family seems to be living large. Diddy lands Brian Steel as a defense attorney. Spring Break banned in Panama City Beach. Amanda Bynes joins OnlyFans, but promises not to be a whore on there. We watch a girl on TikTok watching us ripping on Amanda. Cop Cam: An entitled brat gets loud and arrested because her sister is “missing”. New York AG Letitia James is being investigated now. Podcasts: Talk Tuah drops another episode. This time with Chanel West Coast. 7k views after 24 hours. Comments section is brutal. Billy Corgan interviewed Dale Bozzio of missing persons. Hey Johnny Depp… why you look different? Aimee Lou Wood is whining about an SNL it. They've since apologized. Some stars can't take the heat. Sarah Palin is still strolling along. She banged Glen Rice, ya know. We watch Corey Feldman shred the harmonica. He's doing great now. Time dropped their Most Influential People of 2025 and Blake Lively is somehow on it. David Hogg is here to stay. Harvard is sitting on billions of dollars. Hulu is ripping Trudi off. Marc is recommending the new Black Mirror. Fyre Fest 2 has been delayed. If you'd like to help support the show… consider subscribing to our YouTube Channel, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter (The Drew Lane Show, Marc Fellhauer, Trudi Daniels, Jim Bentley and BranDon).

Democrat lawmakers are planning a trip to El Salvador to stand up for the illegal gang member. RINO's in Florida are using lawfare to try and drag the state purple.  Sleepy Joe Biden makes his first public appearance since he dropped out of the 2024 Election and he hasn't missed a beat, getting confused, screaming and being racist. Gayle King isn't happy that there are critics of her Blue Origin space visit.  Whoopi Goldberg gets red-pilled in real time and actually makes sense when discussing the dismantling of the Department of Education on The View.  Dana breaks down what's going on in Florida as dark money is trying to pay Republicans to make the state turn blue. Sarah Palin makes libel claims against The New York Times to a new jury over falsely linking her campaign rhetoric to the 2011 Arizona mass shooting which wounded Gabby Giffords. National Press Secretary of School Choice Now, Brian Jodice, joins us to share breaking news and to give updates on the school choice fight.Help us keep the lightson by visiting our sponsors…Relief Factorhttps://relieffactor.comTurn the clock back on pain with Relief Factor. Get their 3-week Relief Factor Quick Start for only $19.95 today! Goldcohttps://DanaLikesGold.com Weather the Roller Coaster! Get your GoldCo 2025 Gold & Silver Kit. PLUS, you could qualify for up to 10% in BONUS silverByrnahttps://byrna.com/danaDon't leave yourself or your loved ones without options. Visit Byrna.com/Dana receive 10% off Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/DanaDana's personal cell phone provider is Patriot Mobile. Get a FREE MONTH of service code DANAHumanNhttps://humann.comSupport your metabolism and healthy blood sugar levels with Superberine by HumanN. Find it now at your local Sam's Club next to SuperBeets Heart Chews.  KelTechttps://KelTecWeapons.comDana personally owns and uses Keltec. Innovation & Performance at its best!All Family Pharmacyhttps://AllFamilyPharmacy.com/DanaCode Dana10 for 10% off your entire orderPreBornhttps://Preborn.com/DanaDonate by dialing #250 and saying “BABY” or give securely at Preborn.com/Dana.Beamhttp://shopbeam.com/DanashowSleep like never before—Beam has improved over 17.5 million nights of rest. Try it now at with code Danashow for 40% off.Ancient Nutritionhttp://ancientnutrition.com/DanaCollagen and wellness, powered by Ancient Nutrition—get 25% off your first order with promo code DANA.

Sarah Palin (Former Governor of Alaska and 2008 Republican Vice Presidential Nominee) joins Chris Cuomo to discuss her opposition to continued U.S. support for Ukraine, why she believes the Tea Party's warnings were ignored, and how Trump reshaped the Republican Party. Palin shares her frustration with government corruption, media distortions, and the disconnect between political elites and working Americans. She also explains why she still supports Elon Musk's vision for shaking up the system. Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday: https://linktr.ee/cuomoproject Join Chris Ad-Free On Substack: http://thechriscuomoproject.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Move to Pawnee City for fifty grand?... Items left in the Uber… TSA approves new items you can travel with… Weinstein jury selection begins… Sarah Palin libel trial against NYT begins… Zuckerburg testifies in anti-trust trial… Ghislaine Maxwell petitions Supreme Court… James Tolback ordered to pay 1.68 billion dollars… James Morris has new church being protested... Best BBQ in Texas, where is it!?... Shows to watch / Hacks / Bosch Legacy / Reacher ended / The Pitt ended-Max happy with viewership / MobLand – closed captioning may be needed?... Netflix- Pulse /The Life List / The Territory CC needed?... Mickey Rourke out at Big Brother UK… Email: ChewingTheFat@theblaze.com Who Died Today: Mario Vardas Llosa 89… Larry Bastain 90 / Les Binks 73 / Don Hasselbeck 70 / Danny Deardan 34… www.blazetv.com/jeffy Promo code: Jeffy… Phizer end development of weight loss pill… Carpenter Ants have doctors?... Plane passengers stuck on plane for hours… Bradshaw helps open stuck plane door… Joke of The Day…   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In part two of Red Eye Radio with Eric Harley and Gary McNamara, what will happen now that federal funds have been pulled and Amtrak is out of the Dallas-Houston high speed rail line; Sarah Palin is back in a New York court for a retrial in her libel suit against the New York Times; An article in the City Journal titled "America Should Learn From Argentina's Failed Tariff Experiment" For more talk on the issues that matter to you, listen on radio stations across America Monday-Friday 12am-5am CT (1am-6am ET and 10pm-3am PT), download the RED EYE RADIO SHOW app, asking your smart speaker, or listening at RedEyeRadioShow.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tina Fey sure does wear the (Bossy)pants. As she navigates the treacherous, male dominated waters of the comedy world, Tina quickly ascends up the ranks at the legendary (and notoriously cutthroat) comedy institution, “Saturday Night Live.” But that's not enough for this self-proclaimed former theater nerd and Sarah Palin lookalike. After reaching a pinnacle that most performers can only dream of, and making history at SNL, she leaves. And follows up her success there with a string of successful TV shows (“30 Rock,” “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”) and movies (“Baby Mama,” “Mean Girls”) that establish her as one of Hollywood's true comedy forces.You can follow Brooke and Aricia on socials at @brookesiffrinn and @ariciaskidmorewilliamss. And check out the brand new Even the Rich merch store at www.eventherich.com.Be the first to know about Wondery's newest podcasts, curated recommendations, and more! Sign up now at https://wondery.fm/wonderynewsletterListen to Even The Rich on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Experience all episodes ad-free and be the first to binge the newest season. Unlock exclusive early access by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App or on Apple Podcasts. Start your free trial today by visiting wondery.com/links/even-the-rich/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Costco Guys, AJ and Big Justice, may have unlocked Quinton Byfield as he has scored in five straight games and the Los Angeles Kings are red-hot. We discuss that and are joined by the Athletic's Vancouver Canucks writer, Thomas Drance, to discuss Quinn Hughes' dominance and the resurgance of Elias Pettersson. Also, Sarah Palin tweeted about us. 0:00 Welcome to What Chaos!6:30 Sarah Palin cooks us12:20 Oilers are back21:50 Costco Guys save Kings31:40 Thomas Drance joins50:53 Eichel vs. Sabres57:10 Avs behavior1:03:15 Bedard is a criminal1:08:10 Slate Grade BUY OUR MERCH: https://store.allcitynetwork.com/collections/what-chaos JOIN OUR DISCORD: https://discord.gg/3brHQ2q5V2 Follow us on Twitter:https://twitter.com/WhatChaosShowhttps://twitter.com/DJ_Beanhttps://twitter.com/PeteBlackburnhttps://twitter.com/shawn_depaz PrizePicks - Download the PrizePicks app today and use code WHATCHAOS for to get $50 instantly when you play $5. PrizePicks. Run your game! https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/WHATCHAOS Head to https://factormeals.com/whatchaos50  and use code whatchaos50 to get 50% off! Shady Rays is giving out their best deal of the season. Head to https://shadyrays.com and use code: AC35 for 35% off polarized sunglasses. Try for yourself the shades rated 5 stars by over 300,000 people. HelloFresh - Get 10 FREE meals at https://hellofresh.com/freechaos. Applied across 7 boxes, new subscribers only, varies by plan.

Sarah Palin defended Biz on X (00:02:03). Team USA came up short against Canada in the cup (00:05:01). Dave has jumped into the meme coin deep end (00:09:16). The breast draft was censored from greatness (00:25:35). The Pat Mahomes Sr. and John Rocker fight is cancelled (00:29:10). Whitney and Kirk want to be mini golf captains (00:35:35).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/unnamedshow

This week The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers talk about the digital short (and a song on the Incredibad album) Space Olympics! Plus, they chat about Michael Phelps hosting SNL and sketches like Kathy in the News, Quizbowl, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton, and more! Space Olympics - https://youtu.be/XVoBQqketHM?si=EnDBG87goQB2NP_KOlympic French Pole Vaulter on His Giant Dong - https://youtu.be/5PY_wQRLK6Y?si=ADqhGHsB-6jkNIvUWeekend Update: Cathy on Retiring - (from 2010) https://youtu.be/BMzXw5CUP_o?si=18HFB1HtTFMuiA1jSarah Palin and Hillary Address the Nation - https://youtu.be/vSOLz1YBFG0?si=D_r1HssxaK286n2J (Not all the clips we mention are available online; some never even aired.) If you want to see more photos and clips follow us on Instagram @lonelymeyerspod. Send us an email! thelonelyislandpod@gmail.com Support our sponsors:AirbnbVisit Airbnb.com today RinseRinse picks up, professionally cleans, and delivers your laundry and dry cleaning, straight to your door.  Sign up at Rinse.com and get $20 off your first order Thrive MarketReady for a junk-free start to 2025? Head to ThriveMarket.com/island and get 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Aura FramesRight now, you can save on the perfect gift that keeps on giving by visiting AuraFrames.com. For a limited time, listeners can get 20 dollars off their best-selling Carver Mat frame with code ISLAND.  Produced by Rabbit Grin ProductionsExecutive Producers Jeph Porter and Rob HolyszLead Producer Kevin MillerCreative Producer Samantha SkeltonCoordinating Producer Derek JohnsonCover Art by Olney AtwellMusic by Greg Chun and Brent AsburyEdit by Cheyenne JonesMix and Master by Jason Richards

Back in October, before the 2024 election, we had on our friend—and brilliant screenwriter and playwright—Dorothy Fortenberry to talk about gender and the presidential campaign. Amid all the postmortems and Democratic soul searching, we wanted to have Dorothy back on to revisit some of those questions, starting with the difficulties women face in running as "outsiders" or against "The System"—an especially relevant consideration given the prevailing anti-incumbent, burn-it-down sentiment among voters across Europe and the Americas. Along the way we discuss Sarah Palin, Trump's "bad sex" cabinet and administration, how "having fun" is coded in American culture, and more.Sources:Dorothy Fortenberry, "The J.D. Vance sperm cups were probably a troll. But they got me thinking," Slate, Aug 23, 2024— "Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore," Commonweal, Nov 5, 2020Martin Pengelly, "RFK Jr sexual assault accuser says she chose to speak out after Super Bowl ad," The Guardian, Nov 21, 2024. Eric Lutz, "Matt Gaetz Accused of Sex With Minor in House Ethics Report," Vanity Fair, Dec 21, 2024. Eric Tucker, "Trump's Pentagon pick paid woman after sex assault allegation but denies wrongdoing, his lawyer says," AP, Nov 17, 2024.Tony Tulathimutte, "Our Dope Future" in Rejection (Sept 2024)Robert Hanley, "Donor Apologized to Sister for Seduction of Husband," NYTimes, Jan 13, 2005.Damon Linker, "The Bestial Politics of Masculine Self-Assertion," Notes from the Middleground, Nov 22, 2024.Sam Adler-Bell, "MAGA Misfits vs. Nationalists vs. Reaganites vs. Dorks: The battle of the Trump transition," NY Mag, Dec 14, 2024.Listen again:"Suburban Woman," Oct 29, 2019"Living at the End of Our World" (w/ Daniel Sherrell), Sept 2, 2021"'Succession,' 'Extrapolations,' & TV Writing Today" (w/ Will Arbery), May 4, 2023"Boys and Girls in America," Oct 3, 2024...and don't forget to subscribe to Know Your Enemy on Patreon to listen to all of our bonus episodes!...or give the gift of a KYE Patreon subscription to your loved on