Cracker Classics

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Two guys review old "classic" movies to see if they're still good. Or maybe they weren't any good to begin with?

Joshua Curfman & Ian Witzel


    • May 17, 2024 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekly NEW EPISODES
    • 32m AVG DURATION
    • 244 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Cracker Classics

    #213 - My Brother's Cryptkeeper

    Play Episode Listen Later May 17, 2024 32:28


    #212 - Always Pay Teri Garr's Rent

    Play Episode Listen Later May 10, 2024 34:38


    #211 - Silence of the Ma'ams

    Play Episode Listen Later May 3, 2024 35:45


    #210 - Bob and Eva's Adventures In Babysitting

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 26, 2024 31:39


    #209 - Putting Lipstick On a Pygmalion

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2024 31:59


    #208 - A Sub-Basement Apartment Is Like Heroin

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 12, 2024 34:11


    #207 - Listen to Your McQueen

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 5, 2024 32:33


    #206 - How Zorro Got His Z Back

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 29, 2024 32:46


    #205 - Experimental Jazz Continues

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 22, 2024 35:20


    #204 - Doing the Calypso In the Principal's Office

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 15, 2024 32:33


    #203 - A White Speck of Bone Structure

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 8, 2024 35:05


    #202 - What Do You Want On Your Tucson?

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2024 32:42


    #201 - Alfred's 39 Baby Steps

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2024 29:33


    #200 - Forgot He Wasn't Arthur Miller

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 16, 2024 30:55


    #199 - Cutting Wetness and Mastheaded Seamen

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 9, 2024 38:07


    #198 - Never Let the Ranger Go

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 2, 2024 35:17


    We Shall Call Him Cracker, Jr. ['80s Edition]

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 2, 2024 30:17


    #197 - Richard Pryor's Art of the Deal

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2024 34:10


    #196 - I Know Flirting When I See It

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 19, 2024 32:36


    #195 - So That's Why He's Man's Best Friend

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 12, 2024 33:14


    #194 - Anything's Better Than Wages

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 5, 2024 35:46


    Particle Man Hates Transport Man ['80s Edition]

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 1, 2024 35:58


    #193 - Two Colonels Catfighting In the Ignorance Bushes

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 29, 2023 34:15


    #192 - Upstaging Danny Kaye? Boffo!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 22, 2023 35:47


    #191 - Death By Bubbles

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 16, 2023 33:13


    The movie: Godzilla (1954) Does a movie monster have agency? 

    #190 - Bette Davis Is Hot in Cleveland

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 8, 2023 35:40


    Kidnapped By Pee-wee's Playship ['80s Edition]

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2023 32:34


    #189 - Win Women With Sock Garters

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 1, 2023 31:34


    #188 - Don't Mix Business With Pleasure

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 24, 2023 36:11


    #187 - Oh, Oiled Cukes!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 17, 2023 37:32


    #186 - Art Deco Jesus and the Birth of Kraftwerk

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 10, 2023 35:08


    #185 - The Adventures of John and the Groovy Boobs

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 3, 2023 32:58


    So You've Adopted a Sasquatch ['80s Edition]

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 1, 2023 34:43


    #184 - Just Keep the Lid On It

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 27, 2023 32:24


    #182 - Nickel Dick Pics

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 13, 2023 35:21


    The movie: Taxi Driver (1976) Ian and Joshua finally watch the DeNiro movie that launched a presidential re-election. Is there anything actually aspiring about it? Is working because you can't sleep wise? Just how much did a dirty movie cost in New York in the '70s? 

    #181 - Asta La Vista, Nora

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 6, 2023 30:42


    The movie: The Thin Man (1934) It's time to watch another light-hearted murder mystery that asks the big, important questions. Like, how long is Christmas, exactly? And, what makes a good murderer? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    We Had It All Back In 1989 ['80s Edition]

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 1, 2023 34:53


    #180 - I Killed a Guy and I Liked It

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 29, 2023 36:55


    The movie: Lawrence of Arabia (1962) Ian and Joshua finally sit down for four hours of Peter O'Toole crossing the desert with those eyes. Plenty of time to ponder things like identity and confidence, while still asking the important questions. Is this movie still relevant? Or does it insist upon itself? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #179 - Nothing Real But KFC

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 22, 2023 34:44


    The movie: How to Stuff a Wild Bikini (1965) Ian and Joshua watch another beach party movie, because apparently they didn't learn their lesson the first time. This one has Buster Keaton in it, though. That's a good sign, right? Right? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #178 - Just Get Hit By a Philanthropist's Car

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 15, 2023 33:16


    The movie: Within Our Gates (1920) Joshua makes Ian watch the oldest surviving movie made by a Black filmmaker, with hopes that it will spark some desire to watch "Birth of a Nation." Will Ian be convinced? Are there messages in this film still relevant 100 years later? How far have we really come as a nation? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #177 - Grooming a Teenage Witch

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 8, 2023 34:36


    The movie: Sabrina (1954) Ian and Joshua watch this Billy Wilder classics and hope for a shirtless William Holden. Ian looks out for a talking black cat, while Joshua re-examines his sexuality. It's always good to check in on it from time to time. http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    Mr. Robinson and the Wall Street Groomers

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 1, 2023 30:53


    The movie: Trading Places (1983) Ian and Joshua watch how sick and twisted the super rich were in the '80s to everyday people. Thank goodness those days are over, right? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #176 - Sorry, Rabbi

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 1, 2023 31:00


    The movie: Hester Street (1975) Joshua wants to see Carol Kane in an Oscar-nominated performance, so he and Ian watch her immigrate to America to meet her husband who's been sleeping around. Was it worth the find? Will they want to call a taxi halfway through? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #175 - Groucho-ing All Over the Place

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2023 33:25


    The movie: A Night At the Opera (1934) It's been a while since Ian and Joshua have watched some Marx Brothers, so they class things up by taking in a bit of high society, and a crowded stateroom. http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #174 - Spock Ex Machina

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 18, 2023 33:51


    The movie: Star Trek - The Motion Picture (1979) Cracker Classics sets out to piss off an entire fandom as Ian and Joshua explore what cameos and long establishing shots can do to pad the length of a film. There is also spirited discussion about blatant yet unmentioned sexual references and the superiority of Doctor Who. http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #173 - Mustache Rides: Double or Nothing

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 11, 2023 35:06


    The movie: Smokey and the Bandit (1978) Joshua and Ian want to see some sweet 'stache and go for Burt Reynolds bootlegging across the South with Sally Field. Will they regret their decisions and be turned off facial hair forever? http://www.crackerclassics.com  https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #172 - Keep Drinking the Kool-Aid

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2023 41:24


    The movie: A Clockwork Orange (1972) Ian and Joshua watch an old favorite of theirs and hope it holds up. They both want it to be just as horrorshow as they remember, but will their glazzys viddy some awful truths?  http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    Beaten By Belloq ['80s Edition]

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2023 32:17


    The movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) Joshua and Ian seek adventure and history while seeing Indiana Jones be a sexist pig who always has the right answer to every archaeological mystery. Here's hoping your ears won't melt at the end of this episode. http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #171 - Cockblocking You. For Your Own Good.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2023 40:13


    The movie: Under the Yum-Yum Tree (1963) Ian and Joshua watch Jack Lemmon be a creepy pig and Paul Lynde fail miserably at playing a straight man. The movie is about a young couple trying to live platonically, but does love even enter into it? Does Jack Lemmon wear protection? Who's sleeping in the wet spot? http://www.crackerclassics.com https://www.patreon.com/crackerclassics

    #170 - In Search of Money, Drugs, and God

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 21, 2023 37:58


    The movie: Stalker (1979) Ian and Joshua enter a mystical Zone and try to comprehend life, the universe, and everything. But is that really what they desire?

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