Say The Things

Welcome to my new summer series where I'm examining the complex reality of communication as a woman and how we can move beyond limiting social expectations. Despite being raised by women who fought for equality and told we could become anything, we weren't prepared for the challenges we actually face - like being perceived as dominating when we speak just 30% of the time or being interrupted twice as often as men. This series will cover essential skills like assertiveness, boundary setting, and authentic expression because I believe our best communication comes not from following rules to keep everyone comfortable, but from showing up with confidence and our authentic voice. Join me as we become more aware, confident, and at ease with communicating in all areas of our lives.

In this episode, I dive into the exhausting reality of co-parenting with a covert narcissist, sharing real examples from my own experience that will sound painfully familiar to anyone in this situation. I break down four key traits that make co-parenting feel impossible: blame shifting, ruining special occasions, chronic unreliability, and weaponizing children's emotions. Through personal stories—from dangerous unsupervised water activities to last-minute schedule changes—I explore how these patterns affect our kids and why speaking up often makes us look like the problem. If you're questioning your sanity while trying to protect your children from a co-parent who appears decent on the surface but leaves chaos in their wake, this episode is for you. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this vulnerable episode, I share my recent Mother's Day shame spiral and how cultural expectations left me feeling "wrong" for not experiencing the picture-perfect joy we're told mothers should feel. I explore the crucial difference between shame ("What's wrong with me?") and guilt ("What did I do?"), offering practical questions to help identify your own shame triggers and the language they speak.  https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ www.brenebrown.com

An unexpected wake-up call provided by a high schooler provided me curiosity around what we aren't saying. In this episode, I explore what keeps us silent when we should be speaking up - from our misguided telepathy expectations to the emotional labor calculations we make without even realizing it. Join me for a candid look at the phrases beyond "I love you" that might actually transform your relationships, and the five questions to ask yourself when you feel that familiar urge to stay quiet. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ https://www.instagram.com/p/C-VtJyMMtS3/ https://www.instagram.com/p/C-Dh9I_u17z/?img_index=1

If you're the one who remembers every birthday, every school form, and every detail of everyone's life—you might be over-functioning. In this episode, I'm getting real about the hidden emotional and mental load so many women carry, especially in midlife. I share how this pattern forms, why we cling to it, and the high cost it has on our health, relationships, and joy. If you're ready to stop drowning in invisible responsibilities and start reclaiming your energy, this episode is for you.

I'm asking a simple question today: when was the last time you felt plain, old “whelmed”—not over, not under, just steady? Growing up as latch‑key kids taught many of us that love was earned through being good, easy, and hyper‑capable, so we learned to outrun every need in the room. Now the hustle is our baseline, but it's costing our sanity and stunting our kids' growth. In this episode I trace how that survival strategy became a lifestyle and share the boundary‑setting, self‑check‑ins, and unapologetic rest I'm practicing to reset the dial to “enough.” https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Have you noticed how quickly we snap these days — in traffic, in line, or over something as small as an umbrella at a track meet? In this episode, I unpack why so many of us feel constantly on edge, and how stress, overstimulation, and emotional burnout might be driving more of our reactions than we realize. I'll share a recent confrontation that left my hands shaking — and the questions it raised about how we treat each other, and ourselves. If you're craving a little more calm in your everyday life, this one's for you.   https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

This episode is inspired by an encounter at a grocery store where I almost missed a meaninful connection because of my unconscious "habit of hurry," despite having no real time pressure. This experience led me to get curious about how many of us live in a constant state of rush, creating false urgency that affects us physically and emotionally while preventing us from fully experiencing moments that matter. I offer practical strategies to break this habit, including mindful pauses, questioning our rush instinct, and remembering that our inherent worth isn't tied to productivity or efficiency. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

We are being emotionally manipulated by media and algorithms designed to keep us engaged through fear, outrage, and anxiety. I've discovered that my actual day-to-day life barely changes regardless of national politics. The 'news' we consume today isn't really news—it's opinions delivered by personalities who feel like friends but don't even know our names. In this episode, I share practical strategies to break free from this cycle of information addiction. Your real life is happening right here, not on screens or in national narratives. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this episode, I dive deep into the concept of letting go of past dreams that no longer serve us. We explore those persistent inner soundtracks - the "shoulds" and negative self-talk that keep us trapped in an unlived life. I challenge you to pause, reflect, and say goodbye to the dreams and thoughts that are holding you back, making space for the joy and potential of who you are right now.

I missed last week's episode because I welcomed a foster puppy into our home, which unexpectedly gave me time to sit, read, and reflect on our "unlived lives" - those desires we've silenced for too long. During this forced pause, I realized how much of what remains unlived in our lives can remain dormant simply because we don't speak up about what truly matters to us. Honest conversations - even when they don't change external circumstances - transform us internally and help put us on the right trajectory toward living our full lives. This week, I challenge you to say just one thing you've been holding back as a first step toward reclaiming your unlived life, one conversation at a time.

Today we're diving into something deeply personal—our unlived life. It's not just about the big dreams we've abandoned; it's the potential we've yet to step into, the hobbies we never explored, the desires we've been told were impractical. I've been there—living small, holding back, and thinking I needed absolute clarity before taking action. But what if action itself brings clarity? What if simply writing down a dream makes it 40% more likely to happen, and telling someone makes it 80% more likely? This episode is an invitation to stop waiting and start living. So, what's one small step you can take today toward the life waiting for you? https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ https://www.instagram.com/wattneypoetry/

Boundaries are essential for a healthy life, yet they can be challenging to set and enforce. In this episode, I share a personal story about navigating boundaries with my teenage son and the emotional weight of following through on consequences. We also explore how boundaries go beyond just saying no—they protect our time, energy, and well-being. If even Wonder Woman had limits, why do we expect ourselves to do it all? Let's rethink boundaries, not as walls, but as bridges to a healthier, more intentional life. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ https://www.instagram.com/mtnpoetry_byrachel/ https://www.instagram.com/artofpoets/

Are you wearing metaphorical “big red shoes,” pushing yourself into roles and routines that don't actually serve you? In this episode of Say the Things, we explore our relationship with energy—how we use it, how we waste it, and how we can align with our natural rhythms instead of forcing ourselves into schedules that don't fit. From mental and emotional energy to physical stamina, I challenge you to become a curious observer of when you feel your best and when you're just pushing through. Maybe the real wisdom isn't in doing more—it's in honoring your own rhythm. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ https://www.instagram.com/rachelhuckel/

In this special bonus episode, I sit down with my husband, Andy, for our first-ever podcast interview together—wine in my closet and all! We dive into the world of Valentine's Day social media posts and the authenticity (or lack thereof) behind them. Andy shares his honest take on the curated perfection we often see online, and we reflect on how our past relationships shaped the way we communicate now. From attachment styles to unspoken truths about marriage, this conversation is candid, funny, and full of insights. Happy Valentine's Day—let's talk about what real love looks like! https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Love and social media—what's really going on behind those carefully curated posts? In this episode of Say the Things, I dive into the history of public love declarations (turns out, we've been doing this for thousands of years) and what research tells us about why we post about our relationships. Are we sharing or performing? Seeking validation or celebrating real connection? Our attachment styles even play a role in how we show up online. Let's get honest about our digital love letters and ask ourselves: would our relationships look different if social media didn't exist? https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ https://www.instagram.com/tylerknott

I love comfort - there, I said it. But as we move past "Quitters Day" and into the heart of 2025, I'm getting curious about what we actually care enough about to get uncomfortable for. Join me in exploring the difference between the changes we choose and the ones that choose us, and why sometimes the most important question isn't about change at all - it's about what matters enough to make us willing to be uncomfortable. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ https://www.instagram.com/msmoem/ https://www.instagram.com/morganharpernichols/  

Satisfaction, my husband asked me 'what makes me feel satisfied' while in a flurry of frustration, I moved on. But that question got me thinking about our complicated relationship with joy and why we often find it easier to share our pain than our pleasure. Let's talk about what happens when we dare to believe we're worthy of joy and what it means to choose heaven here and now. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ peom by https://www.instagram.com/madisonmorrigan/  

For years, I thought my inner critic was just echoes of my dad's voice, but the journey took me deeper into understanding the impact of emotional abuse and how it clutters our inner dialogue. I'm sharing my experience and learning to recognize when those "never" and "always" statements are red flags. Come explore how we can choose which inner voice to feed and why self-compassion, not self-criticism, might be our best path forward. Nicole Bachle Instagram poem by Dana Wetherell 

I've been getting quiet lately, really quiet. Setting aside my phone, choosing peace, and even embracing boredom has me thinking deeply about our relationship with time. Join me as I explore how we view time - through seasons, through social constructs, through expectations - and what happens when we dare to see time not as something to maximize, but as a precious gem meant for healing. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ poem by https://www.instagram.com/alexandravasiliupoetry/  

In this final episode of 2024, I explore the fascinating roles we unconsciously play in our relationships and interactions. Drawing from my personal experience as a "truth teller" on a nonprofit board, I dive into how different roles like the peacemaker, caregiver, rebel, and connector shape our connections and dynamics. I examine the potential tensions and benefits of these roles, especially during the holiday season, and encourage listeners to reflect on their own patterns. The episode is a journey of self-discovery, challenging us to understand our authentic selves beyond the roles we've assumed.

In this week's episode, I jump into the raw and vulnerable journey of rebuilding self-trust. I share my personal experiences of how years of narcissistic abuse eroded my ability to trust myself, and the powerful strategies I've learned to reclaim my inner wisdom. From keeping tiny promises to practicing radical self-compassion, I'm revealing the roadmap to developing a profound relationship with yourself. If you've ever struggled with an inner critic, boundary issues, or constantly second-guessing your decisions, this episode is your lifeline to understanding how self-trust can transform every aspect of your life. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this episode, I explore the fascinating world of gratitude, diving into how our genetics, brain chemistry, and personality types influence our ability to feel thankful. I share research-backed insights on why gratitude can be challenging for some and provide practical strategies for cultivating a more grateful mindset. From understanding the role of genes to recognizing gratitude blockers like envy and materialism, I offer a compassionate guide to developing this essential emotional skill. By the end, you'll have actionable steps to bring more thankfulness into your daily life and improve your mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

This week, I'm diving into a topic that hits close to home: how cancel culture and politics are impacting our friendships. From ghosting to passive-aggressive unfriending, it seems like disagreements are dissolving even the deepest connections. But is it really about politics—or something deeper? Join me as I explore the messy reality of friendship, the importance of hard conversations, and how we can prioritize connection over division. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

In this vulnerable episode, I dive deep into how a simple conversation about coping mechanisms versus authentic personality led to some major personal revelations - especially about my role as a parent. Through conversations with my husband and a serendipitous book finding, I discovered that what I thought was "just who I am" might actually be ways I've learned to cope with life. I invite you to join me in examining where you might be living in "coping mode" instead of authentic expression, as we explore the difference between using coping skills for situations versus making them our way of life. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/ https://www.wattneypoetry.com  

In this episode, I'm making a significant shift in how I show up on this podcast - no more hiding behind research or filtering myself through fear. After recognizing how my divorce led me to develop protective coping mechanisms, I'm ready to get real, raw, and occasionally curse-word-filled as we explore everything from relationships and parenting to dealing with high-conflict personalities. If you're tired of shrinking yourself to fit into a pretty box that makes everyone else comfortable, join me as we start saying the things that truly matter. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Today, I explored how a simple comment about manipulation during my walk led me to deeply examine what it looks like in our closest relationships. I realized that manipulation often goes unnoticed because we become desensitized to it, especially with people we care about. If you feel like you're walking on eggshells with someone or they use your vulnerabilities against you, it might be time to recognize these patterns and set boundaries for healthier relationships.

In today's episode, I explore how our past experiences—our "scars"—influence our daily interactions and relationships, drawing insights from the fascinating Dartmouth University "Scar Experiment" from the 1980s. I share personal stories about my own triggers, from aggressive honking on the road to my defensive reactions with my son and colleagues, to illustrate how we often respond not just to present situations but to accumulated past hurts. By providing practical three-step guidance for managing our reactions, I hope to help listeners recognize when they're viewing current situations through the lens of old wounds and learn how to respond differently. This episode is perfect for anyone looking to understand their emotional triggers and break free from patterns that no longer serve them. ** I am not a therapist, this podcast simply shares life experiences and research. www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle  

Exploring the distinction between intentional ignorance and willful blindness, this episode delves into how we often choose to ignore uncomfortable truths that could disrupt our comfort. Through examples ranging from the 2008 housing crisis to our personal relationships with food, technology, and sleep, we examine how rationalization becomes willful blindness's constant companion. The episode challenges listeners to catch their "yeah, buts" and examine why they might be choosing to dismiss important information that could benefit their lives. “There are two ways to be fooled.  One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” Soren Kierkegaard https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle

In this episode, I explore the concept of shadow work and how it relates to decision-making, especially in our most important relationships. I share my personal struggles with my daughter and how past experiences influence our interactions. Using the analogy of a photo library, I discuss how we assign meaning to different aspects of our lives and the importance of bringing our hidden parts into the light. I break down a complex decision-making process, considering the perspectives of ego, heart, and intuition, to demonstrate how our 'shadow' selves impact our choices.

In this episode, I process through the concept of living life in "portrait mode" - a photography-inspired approach to focusing on what truly matters.  Join me as I explore practical ways to shift from a scattered "photo mode" existence to a more centered, purposeful "portrait mode" life. This episode is for anyone feeling overwhelmed and seeking to realign their focus with their true priorities. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle

In this episode, I revisit the importance of routines and processes in our daily lives. I break down key components of morning, evening, and workday routines, emphasizing how they can boost productivity and reduce stress. I also discuss decluttering - physical, emotional, and mental - as a way to create more space and clarity in our lives. Finally, I share some productivity hacks like time blocking, batch processing, and habit stacking to help you refine your routines and processes for a more organized and fulfilling life.

In this episode, I wrap up our series on ways we make our lives more challenging than necessary. I explore several topics including letting go of control, overcoming fear of change, nurturing friendships, asking for help, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I also discuss the importance of avoiding overcommitment, moving past regrets, and nurturing our passions. Throughout the episode, I offer practical advice on how to address these challenges and create a more balanced, fulfilling life.

In this week's episode, I'm diving into three more sneaky ways we make life harder for ourselves: negativity bias, all-or-nothing thinking, and not advocating for ourselves. I break down why our brains love to focus on the negative, how black-and-white thinking sets us up for failure, and why speaking up for ourselves is crucial (but often scary). As always, I'm sharing practical tips to help you recognize these patterns and make small shifts towards a more balanced, fulfilling life. Remember, progress is progress – even if it's not perfect!

In this episode, I discuss three more habits that can make our lives more difficult: recognizing burnout, prioritizing self-care, and accepting our flaws. I emphasize the importance of acknowledging burnout, taking breaks, and practicing self-compassion. I also highlight how accepting our imperfections can free us from unrealistic standards and allow us to focus on what truly matters. This episode is all about small, incremental changes that can lead to big improvements in our well-being.

The 4 -year anniversary of this podcast coincides with the 15-year anniversary of my dad's passing, I find myself reflecting on the profound impact he had on my life. Though the pain of his loss will never fully subside, I take comfort in the lasting legacy he left behind - his kindness, wisdom, and unwavering support that continue to guide me even in his absence. Listen in this short episode reflecting on the impact we can make.  

In this episode, I reflect on how my life has unfolded in the last four years, and how I never could have predicted the challenges and growth I've experienced. Practicing forgiveness, learning to be true to myself has been the foundation that has sustained me through difficult times. I encourage you to embrace the ups and downs of life, to show up authentically, and to focus on their own journey rather than trying to control others.  I'll be back in two weeks with Season 4. 

In today's episode, I explore the challenge of receiving love, especially for those who identify as givers. I delve into why we often resist receiving and share signs that indicate this resistance. I discuss the concept of selfless versus otherish givers, drawing insights from Adam Grant's book "Give and Take." I offer practical advice on how to become better at receiving, including tips on accepting compliments and setting boundaries. Finally, I encourage listeners to reflect on their giving style and take steps towards a more balanced approach that allows for both giving and receiving.

In this episode of our summer series on life lessons, I dive into the topic of conflict. Drawing from Mark Twain's wisdom, I explore why healthy conflict is essential for personal growth and stronger relationships. I share insights on approaching conflict with curiosity and openness, emphasizing the importance of focusing on solutions rather than winning. Join me as I reflect on my own experiences with conflict and offer practical tips for managing uncomfortable situations.

In this episode, I explored the distinction between sharing personal stories and gossiping, inspired by Anne Lamott's quote about owning our stories. I discuss various factors that differentiate gossip from storytelling, such as intent, focus, and emotional content. To help navigate this line, I offered key questions we can ask ourselves about our motivations and the potential impact of sharing information. Ultimately, I emphasized the importance of focusing on our own experiences when sharing stories, while also being mindful of how we treat others. Notable quotes: "You own everything that happened to you, tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better." - Anne Lamott "Owning our stories can be hard, but it's not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it." - Brené Brown

In this episode, I dive into the age-old adage "actions speak louder than words" and how it applies to our relationships and personal growth. I explore how different personality types, based on the Myers-Briggs system, tend to align (or misalign) their words and actions. I also discuss three personality disorders where intentional misalignment between words and actions is common. Finally, I offer advice on how to approach loved ones when you notice a disconnect between their words and actions, emphasizing the importance of understanding and compassion.

In this episode, I discuss the importance of recognizing red, yellow, and green flags in relationships and friendships. I break down what these different flags look like - green flags indicating healthy behavior, yellow flags suggesting caution is needed, and red flags signaling deal-breakers or abuse. I emphasize that red flags don't change or diminish, so we need to uphold our standards instead of rationalizing unacceptable behavior. Ultimately, I encourage listeners to assess the flags present in their own relationships.

In this episode, I discuss the tendency to complain or make petty comments on social media platforms, rather than collaborating or bringing value. I question why we feel the need to share certain things online that we wouldn't say in person, and whether we are truly engaging to share knowledge or just seeking an echo chamber. Ultimately, I urge listeners to think critically before posting and ask themselves if they are part of the solution or the problem.

In this episode, I discuss ways we can all get along better, like assuming positive intent from others, being mindful of how social media makes me feel, picking my battles wisely, and embracing more whimsy and laughter in our life instead of taking everything so seriously. I encourage listeners to pause from the seriousness, do things their soul loves, and find ways to enjoy the summer days more.

Today we consider how our perceptions of loved ones can change when the way we feel toward them changes, leading to a discussion about recognizing unresolved issues in relationships. I share what I spent years pretending not to know, unhappiness in my former marriage, and encourages open communication, seeking help, and deciding if you want to heal or move on from an unfulfilling relationship. Ultimately, advocating for having the courage to "say the things" we are pretending not to know.

Today, we wrap up the series on work-life balance/cohesion by using the analogy of a yoga dancer's pose. Just as finding balance in the pose requires grounding one foot while reaching with the other, allowing opposing forces of stretching and constricting, achieving harmony in life is about being grounded in your values while allowing yourself to be pulled in new directions. It's an ongoing practice of patience, self-compassion, and willingness to adjust as you go along. Embrace the ebb and flow, focus on quality over quantity, and create a life that truly supports your needs and desires through intentional thought and planning. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Today's episode explores cultural concepts from Japan, Norway, Denmark, and Finland that offer new perspectives on achieving work-life harmony or "cohesion." It introduces the Japanese concept of ikigai,  the Swedish principle of lagom, the Norwegian/Swedish appreciation for nature called friluftsliv, and the Danish idea of hygge. I encourage listeners to reflect on how adopting elements of these philosophies could bring more clarity, balance, and fulfillment to their lives. Learning from other cultures and making small, sustainable changes aligned with one's values, it's possible to cultivate greater work-life cohesion and overall well-being. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Today's episode explores the concept of "work-life balance" or what I prefer to call "work-life cohesion." It starts by questioning if true balance really exists, given the complexities and ever-changing forces in our lives. The episode then provides seven areas to focus on to improve cohesion without adding more to one's schedule. It also addresses common misconceptions about work-life balance. The key is making small, consistent changes to create sustainable harmony between work and personal life for improved wellbeing and productivity. https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

This episode discusses the importance of having a coded way to reach out to close friends when going through struggles or needing support, without having to explicitly state it. It is inspired by an anecdote about using the phrase "Do you have 8 minutes?" to signal the need for a supportive conversation. Listeners are encouraged to come up with similar codes with their friends to differentiate casual chat from a cry for help. Some practical tips are provided on how to be a good listener and support system, including active listening, asking open-ended questions, knowing one's limits, and using the "emotional contrasting" technique. The overall message is to have reliable, consistent ways to show up for loved ones during difficult times.   https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

The podcast episode celebrates Mother's Day by focusing on the importance of self-care for women, whether they are mothers or not. It starts with a poem that encourages listeners to listen to their bodies' needs. We then discuss seven simple ways to prioritize self-care without adding more to the to-do list. Small, sustainable habits in these areas can lead to significant improvements in well-being. It concludes with another poem about feeling connected and loved just as one is.   https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

The podcast concludes the series on disappointment in relationships by exploring the remaining three areas where disappointment can lodge itself - comparison, unresolved conflict, and lack of self-care/boundaries. It then provides practical strategies to deal with disappointment, including communicating expectations, focusing on personal growth, modeling desired behavior, and allowing space to leave toxic situations if needed. The key takeaway is that while disappointment is inevitable, its depth can be influenced by addressing root causes and adopting healthier perspectives and actions.   https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/