Thanks, Cancer!

It's gonna get bloody

We're not dead -- we've just been in loving isolation. In our latest episode, we discuss: Wrongly blocked from Twitter Truncation Endless mask theatre No more group chemo sessions Caregiver isolation in liminal spaces Never seeing faces of care team and patients Muffled communication Old time miserable cancer deaths Synchronized pausing Creativity Exhausting rebirth Embracing what you love unapologetically More than ever, try not to get sick and die

** Getting sick of cancer is a privileged problem of survival ** Keep moving like a shark ** Do what you can do: that is enough ** Find carcinomies who get it ** Step back when you need to

**Resentment: everything is more difficult**Relationships: celebrate the new amazing**Restoration: getting tougher**Rebuilding: plan long term

** Guardian Article: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2021/feb/10/subway-air-pollution-new-york-washington-dc ** BBC Article: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-51049326

What classes would be the funniest and most useful at a cancer university?

** Cancer can be a time to get involved in the politics that now directly affect you. ** Governmental funding has contributed to most of what we know about cancer. ** Our health is dependent on our neighbor’s health--we need to care about and for each other. ** Taking care of the sick is the first sign of civilization, and everyone deserves healthcare. ** Slow progress is still progress--and cancer research is moving forward. ** Have two years of living expenses saved for a health catastrophe--and if you live in a Republican state, consider saving more. ** VOTE!

** Is it a cancer souvenir or is it just trash waiting for me to process? ** Use souvenirs as performance art-- it can be therapeutic ** Don’t be afraid to throw things out: the cancer won’t come back if you lose it or let it go. ** Ask for the things you want to keep

** People will try to stop you from getting a new pet during cancer; maybe they are right, and maybe they are wrong.. ** Borrow or petshare if possible. ** Research shows great things about people with pets, and placebo is ⅓. ** Animals you shouldn’t be around: rodents, reptiles, chickens, ducks, pocket pets. ** Pets provide a reason for living and walking. ** Taking care of someone else can be taking care of yourself. ** Be realistic about how much you are able to care for a pet. ** Have a good back up pet plan.

** Embrace the dynamic relationships ** Take a walk with your caregivers--we should all be walking more ** Know and communicate your needs and wants ** Don’t be afraid to walk alone ** You can’t control others--you can only (mostly) control yourself ** Take advantage of technology during coronatimes: phonecalls or FaceTime is the next best thing to an IRL caregiver ** Be kind to yourself and others ** Be clear and honest ** Don’t be a manager or an entertainer

We discuss the cognitive changes from chemotherapy, including forgetfulness, reading difficulties, planning, and possible super powers.

** Embrace your inner artist and change your perspective ** Ask your doctor about the cheaper generic medications ** Emotional trauma makes for amazing friends, so find your community ** Cancer may (or may not) make you a better person, but it will make you a DIFFERENT person ** Get on Twitter for connections--YOU ARE NOT ALONE ** To live is to suffer. To survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. Find meaning in the suffering.

** Common symptoms: breast lump, pain, discharge, dimpling, swelling, change ** Telemedicine has expanded, and can be awesome ** Fatigue or weird dreams can be a warning sign: what is your body telling you? ** Get checked if you think something is wrong: push if necessary ** Communicate with friends and family about health and symptoms ** Moisturize when you wash hands ** Be brave: the hospitals are still there for you

We social distance record coronavirus part II: it's getting weird out there.

** Cancer and financial toxicity is not your fault. ** Family Reach provides money to cover life expenses with low barriers to entry. ** Insurance and crisis finances is a whole new language, and Family Reach has financial planning resources to help you learn. ** Take time off work to focus on recovery: your job can survive without you. ** Leverage your transformation to make positive changes and help others.

** Wash your hands and don’t touch your face ** Isolate if necessary ** You should always have enough food in the house for two weeks, and rotate through on the regular ** Practice fasting—it’s good meditation, minimization, and prep for the unknown future ** You are responsible for your own health and also the community health—take care of yourself to take care of others, especially the immunocompromised ** Don’t freak out—channel the energy into preparation and don’t get stuck in a pinch ** Perception is the reality ** Embrace your cancer fearlessness

** Everything hurts more after cancer: resist the urge to live in the trauma or play the victim. ** Acknowledge the shittiness of the situation, but don’t live there. ** Cancer + Fertility + Uncertainty = ??** No one picks their cancer, but things we do can influence our cancer. ** Cancer starts in the in between epithelial transferal liminal spaces--where things mix. ** Plan for the apocalypse if that helps. ** Channel your inner zen master. ** Forcing forward can be good--it’s a sign of hope. ** Maybe plan a little bit less for the future. Sit back and enjoy the ride. ** Maybe you have to have plans and goals--that’s what keeps you going. ** A dream without a plan is just a wish.

** The latency period means best case it takes a generation to figure out what causes cancer. ** Kaiser Permenente Childhood Stress Study should be REQUIRED READING for parents so they know which childhood traumas to avoid: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/about.html ** Your job doesn’t give a shit about you: don’t work more than you are getting paid for. ** If you are an executive, don’t work more than 40 hours and don’t expect any staff to work more than 40 hours. ** Trauma is subjective. ** Trauma changes your cells and DNA. ** Be aware of how trauma fucks people up. ** We are all responsible to minimize trauma in our own lives and the lives of others. ** Ease up on the caffeine and smart phone / tv / technology distractions.

** Embrace your needs and don’t be shy about communicating clearly. ** You ARE as amazing as you hope and fear you are. ** Don’t take yourself so seriously. ** Pay it forward: consider giving to a cancer patient. ** Love all your parts. ** Don’t be afraid to be a narcissistic bitch.

** For the Friend: 1) Give the gift of no expectations: DO NOT EXPECT A RESPONSE and don’t let the cancerpath bear the emotional weight of the holidays. 2) Invite, even if you think they will say no. 3) Experiences mean more than stuff. 4) Acknowledge the situation. 5) Communicate.6) Keep things normal. ** For the Cancerpath: 1) Don’t bear any emotional weight. 2) Be present. 3) Be honest about what you need. 4) Don’t forecast: don’t expect anything from yourself. 5) Recovery takes longer than you think.

** Don’t tell me your a boob man if you don’t know what breast cancer feels like ** Other people can see cancer from different perspectives--herd knowledge ** Corporations co-opt the cancer thing and go off road with it in a way that doesn’t make sense ** Instead of cancer “awareness”, give patients a cancer card for discounts and privileges ** We have to be there for each other--PEOPLE take care of other people so keep your IRL relationships ** Don’t ask for money from cancer patients ** Donate to organizations doing good

** Be proactive about making new connections ** Travel ** Communication is healing ** Go meet people in real life ** You find community by MAKING community

** Diagnosis is a pretty arbitrary date: it’s way after you STARTED being sick, and way before you are DONE being sick-- it’s a celebration of discovering what’s wrong with us? ** Mourn your 1.0 self and life -- ceremony or a formal remembrance/farewell can be useful. ** Maybe your celebration is forgetting about it. ** Some people don’t feel safe enough to celebrate -- the chance of recurrence. ** Cancerversaries can be a reminder of how your options have become limited. ** Schedule exams on your cancerversary -- (Leanna gets a mammogram on her diagnosis anniversary--NOT an annual mastectomy). ** Use your cancerversary to mourn those who’ve died. ** Statistics mean something, but they might not mean anything FOR YOU --don’t hide behind the statistics. ** Get ready to be nervous -- planning for the future and figure out what’s next. ** Beware of your teenage self: she might have ambitions beyond your old wet damp dishrag of an adult self. ** Think about what you are celebrating: the future and the amazing YOU! ** Take comfort in the “vague” and “abstract,” because that’s how it comes sometimes. ** The cake is a lie, or "your promised reward is merely a fictitious motivator"--tomorrow is not promised, so enjoy every day, not just the milestones.

We go behind the scenes with Rudy Fischmann and Brain Cancer Diaries, and check out our YouTube video debut for the cliffs notes version!

** The Intersection of Cancer and Life with gem Emily Garnett ** DJ Breast Cancer Tina Conrad ** The CanSurvivor with Kelsey Smith ** Cancer Casually Lindsay DeLong ** But You Don’t Look Sick with Kelsey Bucci

** Yoga, stretching, or biking ** Gardening ** Do some art: painting, writing, etc ** Eat extra well and mindfully ** Find your witchy brew: B complex, magnesium, turmeric, activated charcoal, etc ** Massage, manicure and pedicure (don’t let them cut your cuticles) ** Get some strengthening nail polish (Leanna’s mom liked the Hard As Nails stuff) ** Sleep is a big deal--try restricting your sleep hours and only getting in bed when you are ready to fall asleep ** Look into a digital detox, including social media ** Be open to taking drugs, and be open to stopping drugs ** Imagine this as a spa treatment if you can ** Graciously accept help ** Do something you’ve never done before

** Cancer doesn’t just require you to change once—it’s constant adaptation. ** Check if any of your survival strategies have turned against you. ** Try to sit with the idea that existence is enough, and if that fails, we are pretty sure going to Spain is the answer.

** Try to clarify surgical options early on: what’s the best possible, what’s the worst possible, what’s the probable middle? Manage your expectations as much as you can. ** Know your options. For mastectomy, that’s flat, implants, flap (tram or diep), nipple reconstruction, etc. ** Fat grafting covers a multitude of divots and creases. ** Know your risks and what you value (looks, function, scars). ** What’s your backup fat plan? (ie know what your surgery entails). ** Nipple tattoos: not like a normal tattoo--kind of a high end prison tattoo—and fade quickly. ** You can’t feel when your mastectomied boob pops out--so you you have to look with your eyes. ** Surgeries are going to be a pyramid: major and big at the beginning, and smaller and more delicate at the end. ** Love your plastic surgeon. ** Talk to someone who has been through your surgery and find pictures. ** Aphrodite Reborn and Reconstructing Aphrodite are nice post-breast cancer photo books. ** Silicon bandaids are reusable and help with scarring and healing. ** Use microbead pillows to get comfortable.

** Leanna doesn't’ know when women got the vote: she thought it was 1912, but it was 1920. Less than 100 years ago. Bananas! ** Informed consent can feel like a rubber stamp: “this is what I have to do to get the treatment I need.” ** Doctors have to tell you common and serious risks, but they do not get granular. ** If you are interested in detailed information, you have to ask. ** Ask ‘What happens if I don’t get treatment?” ** Ask “How long do I have to decide?” ** Part of informed consent is getting answers to your satisfaction. ** Informed consent is a matter of trust in the process/system/doctors. ** Look it up yourself: understand as much as you can.

** Testicular cancer is almost always curable… IF you find it early and get treatment. ** Everyone should know how to do a testicular self exam, whether for yourself or for a partner. ** Talk about your health, men! (Especially young men who are more likely to get testicular cancer!!) ** Share your story, for yourself and for the next generation of patients.

** Cancer is weird and it makes you weird--you’ll do weird things ** Cancer pushes you out to the ends of the bell curve--out to the extremes ** You are liberated to embrace your weird--no shame in the game ** Cancer treatment is weird--chemo drugs, radiation ** Find your fringe folk ** You can weaponize your weird if that’s your thing ** Other people will project their weirdness onto you ** There’s no hiding it and you have to look at your weird ** Realize that everyone is fucking weird--cancer just takes away your illusion of normal ** Lean into the weird and start something new

We are one year old! Thanks to our listeners (and to cancer!) for coming along with us on our journey to find the elusive new normal and victories in the dark.

** There is no timeline or flowchart for how to “move on” ** It’s definitely time to move on when there is no other choice ** You always have to think about cancer logistics (insurance, cancer treatment centers, etc) ** It’s common to wonder what you could or should do--you can feel stuck ** You get to choose to disclose or not--tell people if it’s comfortable and if it comes up ** Show people your cancer--put it out there to someone ** Leave while you are still having fun at the partys

** You get to know your unique body. Mimi has a crazy heart —which we all could have guessed by listening to her. (HAHAHAHHA!) ** Bask in and enjoy all the love and caring from people who want to help you. ** We should eat what our body needs instead of the calories provided by the traditional American diet. ** Wants vs. needs can become very clear. #cancerclarity ** The human body is fucking amazing HEALING ITSELF and MOVING AROUND.

** There is no escaping the guilt and shame—deal with it now or later ** You will have survivor’s guilt, or guilt about how much people have sacrificed to help you ** You will have shame about your scars and imperfections—disease can feel shameful ** Cancer allows you to speak your truth—use that to burn off the guilt and shame ** Guilt can turn into a spiral, so watch out for feeling guilty about feeling guilty ** Recognize your own guilt, and recognize when you are getting guilt from other people ** Shine a light on all your feelings and allow yourself to talk about it ** Therapy can help you move through the guilt and shame ** Practice honesty with yourself and others--practice authenticity ** We don’t choose the Phoenix Fire

Listen to our raw, unedited recap of Podcon 2, featuring a 6 hour flight delay, melancholy jellyfish, ThanksCancer cosplay, and occasional sprinkles of cancer.

We discuss Leanna's experience with her mother's stage IV cancer.

The diagnosis process is generally awful at work ** You don’t have to be open about cancer--if you are open, you can help the next generation of patients ** Tell fewer rather than more--you can ALWAYS tell more people, and you can’t tell FEWER people ** Working will (likely) be your main issue if you work through cancer treatment ** If you can ramp down your job to 20 hours a week, do that ** Be gentle with yourself ** Everyone should have disability insurance ** Disability doesn’t pay out at 100%--it pays out from 40% to 80% generally ** Know yourself and your job and communicate clearly to coworkers about that ** Don’t compare yourself to anyone else--your experience can be totally different ** There will (might) be guilt of shame, whatever choice you made about working ** You might cry all the time for awhile, working or not ** You don’t need to apologize--this is not your fault, and Thanks, Cancer! absolves you ** Resources online can help with the process or resume critique ** Use your newfound perspective (in job and in life) when you inevitably get through to the other side

We want to label “shoulds” to put people into boxes ** The “shoulds” come from fear ** You can figure out your own “shoulds”--and change your mind about it ** Explore the “coulds” ** Eliminate “should” from your vocabulary as much as you can ** Know where your own “shoulds” come from

** Try magnesium, edible marijuana, or melatonin ** Your bed should only be for sleeping ** You will have to detox from anything you lean on to sleep, whether it’s ativan or Netflix

You have more choices than you think you do. ** You can say no. Before you do, ask what the consequences are. Ask a lot of questions. ** Don’t check out on making choices--check IN! ** Try not to pop other people’s comforting bubbles. Go gently with information for others. ** Know how YOU want to get information. ** We are all lost in the woods and doing the best we can. ** Stay out of the “what might have been” as much as you can. Don’t build your house there, and make your vacations there SHORT. ** “I did the best I could with the information I had.” ** Be aware of any guilt or shame you might have about the choices you make. ** You have to be aware of your animal instincts to run. ** Choose to choose. ** Take time off if you can take time off.

Fertility is always a mindfuck. ** If you are going through hormone treatment, be aware of how hormones mess with you. ** Talk to someone before you leave them your eggs in a will. ** Google for fertility scholarships and resources. ** Having or not having kids is complicated--there are wonderful and horrible things about both lives. ** There are plenty of kids that need a parent if you need to be a parent.

** Look into intermittent Fasting for chemo. ** Find your cancer community. ** Carefix and Marenas have pretty great post surgical bras--you will feel better if you look better. ** Figure out how to talk to your doctor ** Plan before what you need to know ** Tell your doctor how you like to get information, and how much ** Prioritize your questions: three main ideas ** Take notes--write down your questions before ** What other team members should you involve? ** Get your blood tested--iron deficiency sucks. ** Google can’t answer your cancer questions--books and the cancer community are better resources.

** Raising money is a good way to help the next generation of patients and channel the “after” energy. ** Put the fun in fundraising. If it’s not fun, don’t do it! ** Use fundraising to build a community. ** Be clear about your goals. ** Be clear about what you are asking of others. ** Invite people to be a part of your journey. ** Make the ask. ** It’s not a competition. Every dollar helps.

*** Recovery is going to take longer than you think, especially if you have to go to work and be professional. *** You have a new baseline, and you have to figure it out on your own. *** Check in with your body on a regular basis. *** Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional. *** Ask who is intubating you. Ask how often they intubate. *** Learn the difference between healing stretching hurt and destructive hurts. *** You are bigger than the pain. Expand to encompass the pain. *** Think about how much medication you are taking and plan the wean off. *** There are alternatives to Oxy, like Tramadol. There is alternatives to everything. *** You need to take a stool softener and laxative if you are on opioids. *** Know the location and terms of your surgical warranties. *** Be honest about your pain. Talk to your doctor. Talk to someone. Find what works for you. *** What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Take a deep breath and do what you can do. *** Faith gets you through every day, whether you are religious or not. *** Find the placebo effect. *** Pain is: 1) The greatest teacher 2) Temporary 3) A signal to change

Surprise! We have an interstitial episode where we touch base about our summer and how much we miss the podcast. Looking forward to season 2!

1) Recognition: see where you are (possibly admitting weakness/dependence). 2) Rebirth: starting to feel healthy again (possibly moving to Spain). 3) Regeneration: Trying new things (possibly online dating). 4) Regrouping: My teenage self overbooked me (possibly podcasting).

** Use your 2.0 as a chance to rebuild, and exercise is essential to the rebuild. ** Activity before / during / after is going to make you feel better physically and psychologically ** Use it or lose it: do SOMETHING. ** Go in with the attitude of fun and trying and seeing what happens. Don’t have expectations of what you “should” do ** Move everyday. Take the stairs or walk around the block. ** Dance parties are a good way to loosen up. ** Be gentle with yourself, and listen to your body. ** Ask at your hospital for exercise resources. ** Look up YMCA Livestrong to take advantage of training and classes. ** Believe in order to access the placebo effect. ** Take it slow and easy: incremental is still progress.

** Doctors will give you aquaphor or a petroleum product-- maybe try coconut oil or cbd oil. ** Plan for the utter exhaustion of radiation, and plan for naps. ** People want to help you. Let them help you. ** Do your research before you make a decision. ** You need to stretch medicinally through radiation. ** Take care of all of you--not just your radiated parts. ** This too shall pass. ** Calling your Radiation Oncologist a Radonk-a-donk (RadOnc) may improve your radiation appointments. ** Thanks to Rose Lee, Patron Saint and Radiation Martyr. ** Thanks to J-Zee, Patron Saint of Letting People Explain the Dumb Things They Say on Social Media--we are all just muddling along.

** Be humble and be kind, not obnoxious and a jerk. ** You never know what someone else is going through: "the cancer experience" is not always universal. ** Know your context within the cancer community. ** Your motivation matters, especially if you are a cancer maven.

** Treatment to cure can directly or indirectly interfere with sleep. ** Do what you have to in order to get a good night's sleep a few times a week. ** Doctors will happily prescribe medication to help with the insomnia. Most of these are pretty addictive. ** There are several supplements hat can help: valerian root, magnesium, etc. ** Exercise ** Think about making your best nest: pillows and a comfy mattress can make your stays in bed much more pleasant.