The Television Podcastulacra

So, here's a pitch: some people go into a virtual world based on the Old West to experience a narrative-driven experience that gives them a good time roleplaying a harmless power fantasy to escape from their stress-filled lives, but whoops the computer goes crazy and the robots in the simulation start trying to kill them for real. We'll call it..."A Fistful of Datas," and we'll make it an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Why, what did you think I was talking about? (Hardy har, I made a funny. We're also talking about "Rascals" and "The Quality of Life," plus another second season episode of The Wire.)

It happens! Once! Even the great Teddy Hoffman can get knocked off his game. We're continuing to talk Murder One this week, with three more chapters that show just how boring most of trial work. And yet, the show remains entertaining? We don't know, it's kind of a miracle. Then, The Wire continues making things miserable for just about everybody in Baltimore, as bad choices lead to more bad choices and everyone's getting pulled down by the "Undertow."

Samuel Clemens, that is, not us. We're kicking off The Next Generation's sixth and penultimate season this week, with "Time's Arrow, Pt II," "Realm of Fear," and "Man of the People," and whoops, they're all kind of crap. At least the Barclay episode shows that the crew is getting better at creating a healthy work environment for non-neurotypical coworkers. Way to be allies, Next Gen crew. Oh, and then we talk about The Wire, as Nicky is living a Bruce Springsteen song but wouldn't know it because he listens to crap nu-metal bands in "Hard Cases."

Murder One continues (and continues to be awesome) this week. There's a magnificent Raymond Chandler mystery happening here; pity it keeps stopping to act out rejected LA Law spec scripts. Also, The Wire's second season starts to heat up with "Hot Shots."

We wrap up the fifth season of The Next Generation with "The Inner Light" and "Time's Arrow," and it's one of those times where J. has difficulty explaining why something is so great because it affects him on a deep and personal level quite profoundly so instead he has to kind of crap on it as a defense mechanism, and also "Time's Arrow" is here. It's good in ways that don't matter and crappy in the ways that do! (Did I just write a new tagline for our podcast?) This episode synopsis is a damn mess, but we also talk about The Wire season two, and McNulty's "Collateral Damage."

See, Murder One doesn't have "episodes," it has "chapters." This is back when showrunners could talk like this and sound novel, not pretentious. We're talking the mid-90s ABC experiment Murder One, and boy was it ahead of its time (and, unsurprisingly, regressive in a few ways). Then we kick off season two of The Wire, with "Ebb Tide." McNulty's on a boat!

We're back on The Next Generation this week, with "Imaginary Friend," "I, Borg," and "The Next Phase." Then, we wrap up the first season of The Wire with "Sentencing." 

We're talking about the final three episodes of Cupid they got to make before the show was sent to farm upstate where it can run and play. No, you can't visit, but it'll be happy, just trust us, sweetie. And speaking of buying the farm, we're talking about The Wire, too, and its penultimate season one episode, "Cleaning Up," which has just one question: Where's Wallace?

Just kidding -- he's not dead. His career might be, though, after a suspicious accident at Starfleet Academy. It's Star Trek: The Next Generation and "The First Duty," And Ron Moore's got a writing credit, so you know there's a dead pilot and cover-ups and lying and totally boss speeches. But then we have to watch "Cost of Living" and "The Perfect Mate," and they suck and are terrible, so keep the focus on the good episode where it belongs. Afterward, things get heated (even more so) on The Wire, as there's an officer down and the entire city goes on "The Hunt."

We're back! Welcome to 2019, everybody. It takes a while to get back on track -- we have a retraction to make, then we ramble a bit about that whole Black Mirror: Bandersnatch business -- but then we take up our old habit: watching episodes of the '90s classic (?) Cupid and kinda frowning about them. Hey, one of these is pretty great! Afterwards, we spend a few minutes on The Wire, as McNulty's arrogance, Daniels's ambition, and everyone's general incompetence gets the details exactly where we knew it would: with bullets flying, bodies in the street, and someone paying "The Cost."

Why, it's Christmas Day, sir! Indeed, we provide this shorter-than-usual episode to tide you over during the holiday season. We exchange television gifts -- an episode of The Odd Couple from Robby, an episode of The West Wing from J. -- and then chat about The Wire's "Game Day" for a bit. A fine way to round out the year. See you in 2019!

It tends to happen when we talk about memorable Next Gen episodes, doesn't it? We're talking this week about "Ethics," "The Outcast," and "Cause and Effect," and boy is one of these episodes still unfortunately relevant. Then, we dish on The Wire, in which Omar offers a famous quote, Bunk sleeps in a bunk, and Stringer goes to school for some "Lessons."

Or is it? No, no, it's not, but Trevor thinks it might be. We talk about Cupid for a bit, then drift over to talk about The Wire. 

It's Thanksgiving and we're here to talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's "The Masterpiece Society," "Conundrum," and "Power Play," and somehow the least dumb one is the worst one? Who knows. Also, we talk about The Wire some. Come out of your food coma and give it a listen.

We can't quite get over just how ***1990s!!!*** Cupid is. Every fiber of this thing's being is just drenched in its late-90s vibe, and that's before Lisa Loeb shows up. We watched "A Fractured Fairy Tale," "First Loves," and "Meat Market," and talk about the good and the bad. Then we discuss The Wire's fifth episode, "The Pager," for as long as J.'s dog will let us. He's demanding, that dog.

It's Halloween, and we're taking a look at some "spooky" episodes from TV history: Star Trek's "Catspaw," Hammer House of Horror's "The House That Bled to Death," The X-Files's "Folie a Deux," and Doctor Who's "Blink." Hey, one of them is scary!

You know, it's not all fun and games, doing a podcast about Star Trek: The Next Generation. Some weeks you have to talk about episodes like "New Ground," "Hero Worship," and "Violations," which range from "forgettable and mediocre" to "maybe the most unpleasant hour of Star Trek ever produced." Yick. Better things are in store for us on The Wire, though, as "Old Cases" finally gets things moving in a big way.

We kick off our look at another one-season-only show this time 'round, with Cupid, the show from Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas from before he was the creator of Veronica Mars. We talk the show's central mystery (the mystery it clearly has no intent of ever solving) and it's quirky (if dated) charms. Also, we continue to talk The Wire, with "The Buys."

[Shatner voice intensifies] Spoooock!  Yes, we're up to that legendary moment on Star Trek: The Next Generation, wherein Leonard Nimoy drops in for a two-parter that the writers only had three-quarters of an episode's worth of story for! Yes, "Unification," has some fantastic moments, but this thing's chock full of pointless, time-filling nonsense. For example, every single scene aboard the Enterprise. Also, though, we have "A Matter of Time," which is a hidden gem of an episode. Elsewhere, we continue our look at The Wire, with its second episode, "The Detail."

It's our turn to give a fuck about The Wire, as we start our discussion with the first episode, "The Target." Before that, though, we talk about Greg the Bunny again, for the second (or last?) time. 

Oh my GOD, that's a terrible joke, who lets me write these? Anyway, we're talking Star Trek: The Next Generation this week, as a giant snowflake comes back for seconds in "Silicon Avatar," the Enterprise turns into The Towering Inferno in "Disaster," and Riker's boner almost destroys the galaxy (seriously) in "The Game." Elsewhere, Elementary's sixth season comes to an end, which was a surprise to us, but not half as surprising as it was to the people writing it.

Yes, we're starting another one-season show, and since one of our listeners was kind enough to buy us the DVDs (!), we're talking about the people-and-puppets sitcom Greg the Bunny. Does it age well? Was it good to begin with? We talk about that as we discuss three episodes from its one and only season (though not the same three episodes, as we kind of get our wires crossed). Also, Elementary pulls the trigger on its serialized plot in its penultimate episode (we recorded this before the finale aired).

Oops, got my episode numbers wrong in the titles. This is the actual Episode 273, which kicks off the fifth season of Star Trek: The Next Generation, with "Redemption II," "Darmok," and "Ensign Ro." Uh oh, these are all all-time classics! Temba, his arms wide!

See, it's a chess joke.  We wrap up The Cape as it comes to its regrettably unsatisfying conclusion. Hope you like absolutely no closure at all! No, I get it, they got cancelled, but still.

Data tries his luck with the ladies this week, as we wrap up the fourth season of Star Trek: The Next Generation by talking about "In Theory" (Patrick Stewart's favorite episode, weirdly, though it makes sense when you find out why) and the season finale, "Redemption," which is just a gimme for J.: Klingon politics! Romulans! Guinan with a phaser! Gowron up in this! Oh, also, we talk about Elementary.

We're off in crazy town, talking about The Cape again. Does it maintain its madcap air, pulpy feel, and good-time charm? Mostly, yeah! 

They tried. We're talking Star Trek: The Next Generation this week, with "Half a Life," "The Host," and "The Mind's Eye." The first draft of the Trill wasn't very good, was it?

Hehehehehahahaha, there's no way this was real. The Cape: it's an original superhero IP, drawn up by NBC in the middle of its blue period, watched by no one. And it's...great? Join us in the alternate universe where this exists, and it rocks. Keith David IS Houdini Yoda! This show IS amazing!

It's time for Next Gen this week, with three very different (but also good!) episodes. It's "The Nth Degree," "Qpid," and "The Drumhead." We also talk about the latest Elementary, as well as reveal our next one-season-only show. Spoilers: it's a bonkers show no one remembers! No, not that one!

It did! And ABC put it on television! Well, part of it, anyway. We dish on all on six episodes of the very-clearly-doomed-to-fail series. Is it a lost classic? Embarassing, homophobic juvenalia? Why not both?

Happy belated birthday, America. We talk about Hamilton for a minute at the beginning of this one, and then move to discussing the recent passing of the great (and terrible) Harlan Ellison, before our proper topics: Elementary, of course, and then Star Trek: The Next Generation. And not good episodes, either, because it's "Galaxy's Child," "Night Terrors," and "Identity Crisis." Geordi's definitely a mod on an MRA subreddit in the future, isn't he?

It turns out the real Freaks and Geeks were the friends we made along the way. We finish up the series with its final three episodes, and as you'd imagine, it gets us talking for a good long while. Also in here, we talk the latest Elementary, plus we reveal the next one-season-only series we'll be talking about.

Because it would have destroyed the Star Trek franchise, for real. We're talking about Next Gen this week, with "Devil's Due," "Clues," and "First Contact," and one of them is based on one of those rejected Phase Two scripts from the '70s. Hint: it's the one about the devil.

Freaks and Geeks continues, with "Chokin' and Tokin'," "Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers," and "Noshing and Moshing." James Franco in leathery punk gear and spiked hair!

It's time for more Next Gen, as we talk about "The Loss" (bleh), "Data's Day," and "The Wounded." Why are Troi episodes always so bad? We spend a long time trying (and failing) to figure that out.

Parents, never read your kid's diary. That's a lesson learned in this week's trilogy of Freaks and Geeks episodes, "The Diary," "Looks and Books," and "The Garage Door."

We're talking Next Gen this week, with "Reunion," "Future Imperfect," and "Final Mission," and a couple of these episodes are important in the long run! The other one...well, it has some pretty terrible old age makeup. Also, we talk Elementary's new season, and it's unbelievable announced seventh season. THIS SHOW IS INVINCIBLE!

It was kind of unavoidable. I'll skip the rambling introduction here and just list the things we talk about for two and a half hours: the Arrested Development season 4 remix; the latest episode of Elementary; three more Freaks and Geeks episodes ("Carded and Discarded," "Girlfriends and Boyfriends," and "We've Got Spirit"); and then, at last, "Person to Person," the final episode of Mad Men. It's been a long road, gettin' from there to here.

Elementary is back! It's good to have the show back. We talk about the season premiere, which is great just for existing. Then, we talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation, with "Suddenly Human," "Remember Me," and "Legacy." One of these is all-timer! The others are...forgettable. (Heh, get it, forgettable? It's a pun.)

I mean, they do.   We watched more Freaks and Geeks, and we learn about Kim's crappy home life, Nick's crappy home life, and Daniel's crappy math skills. This show is good! Also, we continue our rush to the Mad Men finale, with "Lost Horizon."

We begin on our voyage through the fourth season of Star Trek: The Next Generation with a fine batch of episodes: "The Best of Both Worlds, Part 2," "Family," and "Brothers." Admit it: you want to see a sitcom about Worf's Russian parents, too. Also, Mad Men yanks the rug out from underneath the agency, as they fight for independence but run out of "Time & Life." Well, okay, more that first one.

Yes: everybody. We start our look at Freaks and Geeks and kind of marvel at the young talent on display. Sure, it means we have to talk about James Franco, who is a dick, but his character is a dick, so that makes it easier. 

We're wrapping up the end of the third season of Star Trek: The Next Generation with that all-time classic everyone still quotes and obsesses over: "Transfigurations," in which meet a glowing guy in a full bodysuit. Also, the finale, something called [checks notes] "The Best of Both Worlds"? Never heard of it. Also, a kind of garbage Mad Men episode, "New Business."

This week, The Prisoner comes to an end, and, um, uh, yeah, about that. We talk about the final two episodes, "Once Upon a Time" and "Fall Out," and you can bet that J. loved it, but...man. Man oh man. In addition, Mad Men starts the run to the finale with "Severance." 

He doesn't succeed the way Riker did. But you keep at it, Data! We watched Next Gen's "The Most Toys," "Sarek," and "Menage a Troi," and, hey, they can't all be winners. Or feature guest star Mark Leonard. Then, Mad Men reaches for the moon in "Waterloo." It's the one with the singing and dancing ghost! 

It was inevitable -- The Prisoner has left the farm. We watched "Living in Harmony," "Do Not Forsake Me, O My Darling," and "The Girl Who Was Death," and, whoops, they're all completely insane. 

Of course Will sends the Captain to the sex planet. This week, we're taking a look at three Next Gen episodes -- "Captain's Holiday," "Tin Man," and "Hollow Pursuits" -- and are left to wondering the usual things we wonder. Like, can just anybody walk into the middle of anybody else's holodeck programs?

The Prisoner does an episode without any dialogue for 23 minutes, so you know J. is tuned up about it. We watched "Many Happy Returns," "A Change of Mind," and "Hammer into Anvil," and are still amazed this show got made.

You better, because we're talking about Next Gen's "The Offspring," and it gets kind of weepy. We also talk about "Sins of the Father" and "Allegiance," and one of those episodes is an all-time, important classic, and the other is, um, not.