The Daddios are out on the patio. Conversational pioneers. No holds barred.
After a few months we're back. Anyway what would you paint on your pirate ship?
We closed out 2022 with Daddio Patio's Green Ranger Dan Goedeker. Sleepy hats, Sega Saturn, and Jared Fogle's fat jeans. What does it all mean?
We were out in New England with no recording equipment, so we did it the old fashioned way. In the cold New Hampshire rain, we talked about Dunkin Donuts and a few other sociopathic topics. Congrats to our buddy Cobra. We love you. Is this episode listenable? You decide.
A long drive with a lot to think about, joined this week by our buddy Phil. Enjoy.
We found this episode in King Tut's tomb and dusted it off for the internet.
We really went off the deep end with this one. What's it like to be eaten by a shark? Why are the hammerhead's eyes so far apart? If you give an Amish person a GameBoy Color will they ever go back to churning butter? All this and more.
Another classic dusted off from the archives for your enjoyment.
Here's an episode where 4 subhumans gather in the morning sun and wish they lived in a simpler time - a time when mana, magic, spells, and dragons were everywhere. Was any of that real, or were people just stupid back then? Was life simple and beautiful, or just s h i t t y ? Anyway it's time we revealed John Hammond's true agenda.
The 4th installment of the late nite call series "Help the Bear". This time around Peach searches for something he's lost, and Andy keeps a Bob Dylan joke going way too long, like a rolling stone. How does it feel?
This one ain't for the faint of heart. We're talkin' about boogers, wedgies, nipple twists, and all of the other cruel and unusual punshment that older brothers inflict on their younger brothers. This one was 9 years in the making, Lance's little brother finally joins us to defend himself after all of the stories Lance has told over the years. We also briefly mention the philosophical value of comedy, or something like that. Anyway remember when they threw Joe Pesci's whitie tightie wearing corpse in that hole?
Hey remember when we had those snow days? We recorded an episode from the comfort of our homes, but never released it. Now that it's snowing again it seems appropriate. We had dogs growlin and cats howlin but we were still able to talk about some of the classics. Orthodontic scams, Joe Pesci, PB&J's and apes. Catch a fuckin snowflake on your tongue.
This Daddio Patio classic will have you pumped for the big game.
What more needs to be said? - All credit where it's due.
Hey here's a fact that might melt your face off like Raiders of the Lost Arc - Fatbody joined us for this digital episode. That's right, although we couldn't be together in person, we used the power of the internet to connect and talk about extracting oil from George Lucas' neck. Join us, drink from the empty glass, smoke a bit of the future, kick back, put on a diaper, have some fun. It's just the apocalypse.
We jumped the shark years ago. Does it even matter what we talk about anymore? Anyway we kind of recap 2021. This episode is remote, right back where we started, from the comfort of our own homes, with the virus swirling around outside (and inside 40% of the hosts). Anyway, we hope you jump right on into 2022 with our dumb podcast in your airpods. See ya there.
In another late night phone call, Peach and Andy discuss high scores, Rocky 5, Kiosks, shoes, and pens. We may have crossed the line this time, but did anyone ever stop to ask why that line is there? What's the line called? Anyway Rocky 5 sucked.
Tony Soprano had his head transplanted onto a robot mantis body at the end of The Sopranos. We're not sorry for spoiling that, it should be common knowledge by now. Hey, we're back with 4/5 original cast members, but still 5 boys. Remember the school picnic? The same salt & pepper shaker ride ran for at least 50 years with 0 maintenance. Is unsupervised fun a thing of the past like those little glass carnival prize pictures? Also, isn't it crazy how you can go into a thrift store and buy the last photo of someone for $2? Also, whats the latest on the head transplant? All this and more. Makin' your way in the world today takes everything ya got - we're always glad ya came.
In the spirit of holiday generosity, here's a bonus installment of our late nite call series "Help the Bear". This time Peach & Andy talk about Nu Metal, Walnuts, Basketball Arcades, and gas station products. Nothin' special, just some buds having a BS session. You're welcome!
Hey MFers we're back. Do you remember that Daddio Patio was almost named jail? Well those criminals do, they were forced to listen to it. This time we talk about all kindsa ridiculousness. Mark Zuck or whatever wants to make the multiverse? A laughing sickness in Japan? VR mass shootings? Will Collin make it to his final destination? Oh also please buy our latest product from the late night TV ad. You won't want to miss this one, order now and get the double VHS set of Butlers Gone Feral.
It's finally here, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE SEQUEL TO THE CHICAGO WRASSLIN ROAD TRIP EPISODE. That's right, after all the isolation, Peach & Andy get back on the road to pick up where the left off. Caffiene induced anxiety? you got it. Country Fried steak from Cracker Barrel? Of course! Advertisements? You bet your freakin Alanis Morisette CD we got em. This episode is recorded on the road, by the road, for the road, and in the damn road. Please excuse our dear aunt sally for the variations in audio quality. We'll be back in the stu soon enough. Thanks for listening, go live your gimmick.
On a late night phone call, Peach & Andy ask the important questions. What's the deal with unicycles? What do the different colors of Nike Air Monarchs mean? Why can't those pesky priests just stop molesting kids? How come gratuitous violence can be seen on regular tv, but female nipples are censored? Is it possible to be a successful adult in America without being a total hypocrite? They also recap some of the most memorable super bowl performances. All this and more on this late nite bonus episode. ALSO: Look out for the sequel to "DP99 - Live Your Gimmick" coming soon!
We're back. That's right, the first official episode of 2021 - it only took us 7 months. You thought we grew out of recording ourselves making ass & sack jokes? NO! We grew IN to the show. This episode was recorded on an actual patio, with a couple of actual dads. It's time, we earned this. Anyway, we ask a few burning questions. What if George Costanza never went bald? Why did Lance kill so many lightning bugs? Why did God see it fit to take John Denver from this world? Also, Peach recounts his first time in the boxing ring! This is a long episode, but there was a lot to cover. You thought we were crusty, sweaty, and forgotten? We are. Thanks for listening.
Not to be a dungeon of pessimism, but 2020 sucked. We never meant to cause you any sorrow, we never meant to cause you any pain. The Daddios put one more masked episode in the books for this shitty year. This is the funniest, most carefree episode we've done in a long time. All of your favorite DP topics are covered: snacks, strange addictions, Lance abusing his little brother, public pools, sandwiches, janitors, video games, and everything else your calloused little 2020 heart yearns for. Notable absence: orange man. It's time we all reach out for something new, that means you too. But hey, don't forget - poop comes with us into 2021. Things have been tough, but we've managed to keep our sanity by laughing at the absurd and insane things in this world. Thanks for giggling with us. We'll see ya next year.
With a slight lifting of the psychological weight, the Daddios come back in a glorious return to form. This episode has all of the absurdity, philosophy, nostalgia, animal discussions, and bullshit that you've come to expect from your esteemed hosts. Of course, we're still masked in the dark basement. Speaking of psychological weight, being an educator must be very difficult. It's a damn shame that most educators are not paid accordingly. I mean, they're only responsible for a whole generation of minds. The Daddios call friend and longtime listener Alex to ask him about his experience as a middle school teacher. Alex took it upon himself to give us a talkin-to. That's right, we were disciplined on our own show. Clearly, the boys didn't grow up, they then discuss the future of nudity, and Collin reveals that he himself is DairyDaddy on OnlyFans. All this and more, but fair warning: this episode contains spoilers from the Frog and Toad books. It's good to be back.
By popular demand, the demon has been vanquished. Hey, we never set out to talk politics on this podcast, but it's been pretty hard to ignore over the last 4 years. I mean, a reality tv show guy who is painted up like a fucking insecure idiot has been actively undermining democracy at every turn, while shouting thinly-veiled racist, sexist, and bigoted language to applauding crows of lost souls. Kinda weird, right? Hey, if you supported T**mp, that's really fucking stupid (and shitty), but there is still time to change. Wake up, he's a con artist with an empty cavity where a heart should be. Also, for the first time, we let his ugly-ass name ring out on our airwaves, but only because this is a victory lap, and our editor is a lazy piece of shit. Alright, now that that's over with, on to the important stuff: Three of the Daddios gathered in Andy's centipede dungeon, masked, amidst the backdrop of an ongoing global pandemic. Important question - after the boys die, who will carry the Daddio Patio torch and illuminate this dark world? Wouldn't you like to know! They each elect a successor on this episode. Dr. Sant makes a digital appearance, as does an old friend who reminds Andy of a plum-flavored promise he made years ago. All this and more on a new episode that is equal parts sincere, and insane.
We're still in this damn pandemic, so the boys had another masked conversation in the basement. This week, we were sans Sant. Collin was not physically present, but still made an appearance. The Swan King actually flew over the pond to join us. Hey what the hell is sauce? I mean we know what it is but what's the origin story? What was the first sauce? Also, how do Cool Ranch Doritos look under a microscope? Has society gone past sincerity on the internet? Is there any purpose in stating how you feel on Facebook? Is that just inviting ridicule? Why did the guy from Sugar Ray get so mad when someone called him Sugar Gay? Isn't it obvious that homophobia is dumb obsolete bullshit? Also, Lance shares some thoughts on parenthood. His words are heartfelt and sincere, from a new father's perspective - it could bring a tear to a statue's eye. Our show is often ridiculous, and overflowing with shit jokes. This one's a little more serious than usual, but that's okay, we're in weird times. Okay, now go vote.
We're still in this damn pandemic, so the boys had another masked conversation in the basement. This week, we were sans Sant. Collin was not physically present, but still made an appearance. The Swan King actually flew over the pond to join us. Hey what the hell is sauce? I mean we know what it is but what's the origin story? What was the first sauce? Also, how do Cool Ranch Doritos look under a microscope? Has society gone past sincerity on the internet? Is there any purpose in stating how you feel on Facebook? Is that just inviting ridicule? Why did the guy from Sugar Ray get so mad when someone called him Sugar Gay? Isn't it obvious that homophobia is dumb obsolete bullshit? Also, Lance shares some thoughts on parenthood. His words are heartfelt and sincere, from a new father's perspective - it could bring a tear to a statue's eye. Our show is often ridiculous, and overflowing with shit jokes. This one's a little more serious than usual, but that's okay, we're in weird times. Okay, now go vote.
Once again, The Daddios took refuge from 2020 in Andy’s basement. They found little comfort, as they were instantly reminded of the house centipede infestation down there in the darkness. They had to talk about the current state of things - masks, the clown dictator, bugs, global pandemic, etc. Seems all bad right? Wrong! At the time of recording Lancey Boy was on the precipice of validating the title of the show -- That’s right, becoming a DAD! The first of The Daddios to become a real Daddio. Amazing. Also, after showing up with shrimp, Collin beats his microphone like Rocky beat his meat. After a few technical difficulties, the boys get back on track. Dr. Sant joins via phone from the tip of a mountain in Colorado! The world is pretty crazy right now, but still, there is beauty all around. We've found renewed appreciation for the small things amidst the ugliness of 2020. We hope you can too. Thanks for laughing with us.
Some people are lucky enough to exit this world in a painless, non-memorable way. Some people decide to have a JO session in the closet while choking themselves. Will they get off or pay the ultimate price? Check the front page of the newspaper in Thailand to find out, it might spoil the ending of Kill Bill for you though. The thing is, it’s hard to overshadow death by auto-erotic asphyxiation, or whatever it’s called. Didn’t that happen in the movie “World’s Greatest Dad”? Idk, we can’t remember, the only thing that sticks out from that movie is Robin Williams’ bare balls in the pool. Anyway, we gathered in the basement, masked, amidst the collapsing society around us to discuss the usual: 90’s movies, the pitfalls of social media usage, death, Mortal Kombat, our “Dear Leader”, and of course— poo poo pee pee jokes. Dr. Sant makes a physical appearance, can you believe it? After laughing about death, the Daddios ponder— are we evil? We asked the question just before the centipedes took over the basement and Lance’s death screams shattered the foundation of Andy’s house.
Forrest Gump 2 Haley Joel Osmond stars as a simple man navigating the complexities of 2020 America. JK they should never make a sequel to Forrest Gump, it was the best movie ever made and 10/10 rational individuals agree. Oh, yeah, we also tackle some heavy topics on this episode, many of which we are not the best voice on because we are 4 white dudes in a basement. Namely, police brutality, systemic racism, slavery, incarceration, and other cruel, racist bullshit that humanity does. We also get into some lighter topics like reincarnation, Richard Simmons, Scientology, and euthanasia by rollercoaster. No one is static, we are always changing. It’s difficult to talk about these things, but if we’re wrong, we’re wrong. We are doing our best to learn, listen, and evolve. We hope this episode brings some insight, or some laughter to your weird ass year. See ya next time, hopefully sooner than later. Remember, we don’t all have to agree on everything.
This is a long one, but hey, you probably have some time. As you may know, we have a new studio, and our episodes sound great now! Too bad we can’t use the studio at the moment. This time we met on Zoom, and did our best to deliver whatever it is that you people want from us. This time around we were reminded that sanity rests on a thin line. How many steps removed are you from painting your walls with your own shit? Lance is almost there, but he's not gonna use his bare hands like a savage, he's got a brush. Speaking of shit, fuck Donald Trump and his evil minions. Sadly, we dedicated some of our precious time and energy to discussing the orange clown again. The current administration's corruption and ineptitude is inseparable from our current circumstances. Please wake up if you’re still listening to that villain. Also we would like to take this time to apologize... TO ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. Anyway, hope you and yours are safe. We'll see ya again soon.
Recorded Sunday March 22 2020. Daddio Patio is not partisan or political — but we are committed to the search for truth. First of all, during this constantly changing situation, please consult experts and reliable sources for the truth and up-to-date information regarding the pandemic. we are doing our best not to contribute to the spread of misinformation, but we also needed to talk to each other about things we have heard or read. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE PRESIDENT, he is full of shit, and has been for his entire life. Speaking of that low life piece of shit, we usually censor his name, but this time we let it ring out. His name must be heard and associated with the current state of things. Let his legacy be that he dropped the ball in the face of obvious danger, and prioritized profits, and his corrupt, inept administration over the health of the American people. He's a little orange coward who doesn’t deserve any more of our attention. Listen to medical professionals. fact check- Kittens meow to let their mother know that they are in need, adult cats continue to meow, but not to each other, they often do this to get attention from humans 40% of americans cannot afford a $400 emergency - not 50% Harry S Truman’s motto was “the buck stops here” not FDR The incoming trump administration was briefed by the outgoing Obama administration regarding global pandemic. Over 2/3s of that team is no longer with the trump administration becasue of the remarkable turnover rate. Trump’s former national security advisor John Bolton Oversaw the dissolution of the NSC’s global health security and biodefense section. The office was tasked with preparing for when (not if) another global pandemic struck. Trump disbanded the team because he has no relationship to science or truth, and he DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU. Please remember that we are not experts, In these trying times we are doing our best to be responsible with our words. ALSO, it's important that you remember we are just joking about many of the scenarios / ideas we talk about. Guilliotines are just for a laugh people, lighten up.
Is this an episode? Is it not? Who knows. We do know that the Mummy Ride at Universal Studios is scary. We also know that Stryker was easily the worst Mortal Kombat character. Stryker was the ancestor to Paul Blart. Anyway this episode comes to you from our new spooky basement studio, we are still working out the kinks and getting the sound right, so bear with us. If you know anything about Daddio Patio, you know that we don’t know what we are doing. We genuinely thought we were going to retire after 100, but the Pentagram summoned us and our shared subconscious forced us to make this recording. Thanks for laughin’ with us. It’s good to be here.
Andy lays it all out there, bare and shining for the world to see. Lance gives a stranger the Mandible Claw, Dr. Sant chimes in from isolation, Peach draws a line in the sand with your blood, and Collin wears a tux tighter than an Elvis impersonator. WE GOT SOMETHIN TO SAY
If you’ve never listened to Daddio Patio, don’t start now, this is very likely our last episode. We tuned up the band for this one and played all the hits. From public restroom humor, to philosophical questions, to observations about the modern world, to raw and unfiltered honesty, we did it all, all over again. Hey, is an above-ground pool really a pool, or is it a tub? Does it have to be in the ground to be a pool? We also did something we rarely do, we broke the 4th wall and talked about the podcast. We shared some of the memories / laughs we had making the show. -When we started this show in 2013, the world was a different place. This podcast was just a whim that we acted upon one night. We came up with the name Daddio Patio only seconds before we started recording. At that time, our recording device was just an iPhone sitting in the middle of the table. We never imagined it would have any listeners, let alone tens of thousands of downloads from around the world. We never anticipated doing 100 episodes. Many regular / long spanning podcasts are paid or sponsored, ours was primarily an excuse for us to enjoy each other’s company, and share some laughs. Over the years, it’s also become a time capsule, and a snapshot of our minds at the time. From profound to absurd, we’ve said a lot of things. Some were ideas that we still carry, some are not, some were meant to be taken seriously, and some were absolutely, definitely not. Our show was always in pursuit of hilarity and truth at the same time, often seamlessly jumping back and forth. While the world, and circumstance changed around us, one thing never did: our love for each other, and making this dumb podcast. None of the traveling, moving, stolen laptops, crashed hard drives, or life events could stop us from doing this dumb shit, and that’s pretty cool. We want to thank everyone who was involved with Daddio Patio in any way whatsoever. Whether you made our live shows possible, created artwork, appeared as a guest, called in, wrote reviews, subscribed, or just laughed with us, we truly appreciate you. We hope that Daddio Patio meant something to you. The future is unknown, and we are pulling into shore for now. Whether or not we ever make another Daddio Patio episode— it doesn’t matter. Daddio Patio is infinite, it’s forever, it’s in us and it’s in you. Also, it’s a stain on our permanent records, and it’s on the internet forever. Seriously though, thank you for laughing with us. DAAAAAAADDDDIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIN PATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo
As promised here’s part 2 of episode 99. Again, there are a lot of life events covered in this one. Every member of the original cast makes an appearance, along with many of our prized guests and loved ones. Lance goes from boy to man in this very episode! This episode slowly devolves as insanity and substances take over our minds and conversations. The grand irony of covering our real lives, and life events, is that this episode lands right back where we started, all the way back in 2013— shouting crazy ideas at each other to build a tower of ridiculous imagination, and laugh in unison. Would you eat human meat if it had Sybergs sauce on it? Lot’s of life changes, but it’s the same as it ever was. Thanks for listening, stay tuned for episode 100, just over the horizon. We love sending our nonsense out into the airwaves, and we appreciate you now and forever.
This time on daddio patio we cut our lives in two pieces. This was our last resort. With our show’s hosts scattering in the wind, and life events all the time, we decided to take the show on the road. Whether or not you know us personally, this episode is a montage of a few recent life events. Big Peachy Sosa had a birthday, so the first episode covers Andy and Peach living their wrestling fan gimmick lifestyle, and driving to Chicago to see wrestling shows all weekend. Collin, Dr. Sant, and Lance all make phone appearances while they’re on the road. There are more than a few cracker barrel stops, and a return to form as andy and peach sell you their favorite products between segments. Be sure to check out part 2 of this episode, as it captures friendship under the stars, Lancey boy’s bachelor party, and his wedding. Thanks for listening to Daddio Patio, we love ya.
This week the boys gather early in the morning to fill their holes with coffee. They try to sell you on the Apple ecosystem and all of the goofy tech stuff you can do with it. Hey, you ever notice how tech bros have the absolute worst style? Yet they are leading the changes in humanity. Should we really trust people who can't dress themselves with any taste? Anyway, we send Dr. Sant off to the mountains in the way he would have wanted it, unceremoniously. All of this nonsense and more on this episode.
We're havin' a kick ass summer, and we hope you are too! Hey, did you know that July of 2019 was the hottest month on record, ever? Like, in all of recorded history. Good thing we have leaders that are intelligent and doing something about it. Fuck those demons. Also, if you like nerd stuff, or nostalgia for your childhood, this episode is for you. Our regular guest Schleicher joins us, along with Skull. Skull has recently started collecting and selling old video games, you can follow him @gamethangerz Okay, great. Btw, we are not suggesting they bring back the guillotine, but if they do, we want front row seats so we can get splashed like a Gallagher show. Love yas and thanks for listening. HAKAS
Stupidity -- we can all be stupid in different ways, we all have our shortcomings. Stupidity has no specific brand, especially in this political climate. Dumbasses on the left and right can’t stop arguing while we all have to deal with a dumbass that dumbasses elected. What’s there to do? believe Alex Jones conspiracy theories or try to out-liberal everyone on social media? Both of those options sound fuckin' stupid. Maybe it’s time to give it all over to the robot overlords, but wait, is their perfection and precision a form of stupidity? or are we stupid for having emotions? The Daddios discuss all of this and more, but don’t end up with any real conclusions. Why? because we’re fuckin’ stupid.
An 80's movie with an unfortunate mishap, starring Robin Williams. This week we go way back, way before 23 and me DNA tests.
People say we’re crazy, doin what we’re doin, but we’re back. This week, we recorded a daytime episode. Drinking coffee, staring out the window at the Cardinals playing in the midwestern snow, we couldn’t help but wonder. Do people = shit like Slipknot said? Or can we as humans aspire to whatever John Lennon imagined? Was John Lennon also a piece of shit? Is it really this simple, people being good & bad? Does a person ever reach a point at which they are completely beyond redemption? Social media would have you believe that for the smallest offense or deviation in thought, you should be ostracized from society. From politics, to boogers, this daytime episode probably has whatever you’re looking for in our shitty podcast. Thanks for listening. Three 6 Mafia forever, slob on my knob.
This week, sans van sant & joined by Anisa, the daddios discuss what's cool. How do we determine what's cool anyway? Why do we have all of these temperature adjectives for how we feel about things? The paradox of being cool, is the more that you want to be cool, the less cool you are. What accessories and gimmicks make you cool? Scars, eye patch, tiny bird, peg leg... pirates have all the gimmicks, but they're still less cool than cowboys. How can cowboys be so cool when the words "cow" and "boy" aren't really that cool? I guess everything is more than the sum of it's parts, and that's pretty cool.
This week, we're joined by our old friend Jared, you might remember him from the variety hour episode wayyy back in the day. There's no forgiving us for this one, this episode starts off pretty thoughtful and sincere, but has an M. Night Shyamalan twist at the end. We won't give anything away, but for the record, we'd like to state that it's not okay to drive drunk, but it is okay to get those bottom two ribs removed and live the rest of your days like Marilyn Manson, in pleasure.
We're back. This week the Daddios really show their age by their inability to understand music genres that happened in like 2010. Hey, are we on the wrong timeline? Will Smith turned down being Neo in The Matrix so he could be in Wild Wild West, then that movie spawned the steampunk subculture. Also, Nick Cage was supposed to be a Tim Burton Superman. So instead of all this potential, we got a reality tv clown for a president and a bunch of people pretending to still use steam. Every time you watch the news or see a steampunk, it's evidence that we are in the wrong reality. Can the daddios ever get back to the right timeline? it’s a cage match between ourselves, but we’re all in our own cages, wearing each other’s faces. Tune in this week to find out, also Lance sent an uzi back in time, wrapped in ballsac skin. If your salt suddenly turns to paprika, just know it's because someone in the past received it.
© 2020-2025 Ivy Podcast Discovery LLC
