Mentally Stronger

Do you ever feel like self-doubt is running the show, holding you back from your true potential? You're not alone. What if self-doubt didn't have to stop you?In this episode, I share a simple, playful hack to flip the script: Instead of letting self-doubt stay in the drivers seat, respond with to it with a powerful defusion technique (a way of unhooking from thoughts) that helps you adopt a mindset of flexibility, curiosity and empowerment.When you retrain your mind to meet self-doubt with curiosity, humor, and determination, it transforms from a roadblock into a powerful stepping stone to personal growth. Ready to shift your mindset and unlock inner strength? Let's go!

Anger is an important, healthy and valuable emotion. It's something we all experience. However, if anger is suppressed or not expressed in a healthy way, it can lead to all kinds of regrettable situations. In this podcast episode I explain the difference between toxic anger and healthy anger and how you can bring the wisdom of healthy anger into your life.Key Links and notes:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.com

When we are struggling or feeling 'emotionally messy', instinctively, many of us try to hide that vulnerability from others because of a fear we'll be seen as weak, unworthy, flawed, and we will lose love, connection and approval in our lives. But research shows that when we share our vulnerability and struggles with others it actually makes us stronger, improves our connection and deepens their love and approval of us. In this episode I share the science around what researchers have dibbed 'the beautiful mess effect' and give you some tips to embrace the beautiful mess effect and get the support, connection and resilience you need when navigating messy times.Key Links and notes:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comWaitlist for the deep resilience experience course release (currently the waitlist is on our old course page called headstrong https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/ here ) Get your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

We all encounter difficult dilemmas in life at one point or another where we don't know what to do yet. What can happen in these times is we can easily tip into spending our days endlessly ruminating and worrying about it, often making ourselves really stressed in the process.In this episode I share a three step method to navigate our dilemas in a more empowering way and maintain greater freedom and peace of mind on the way to finding our answers.Key Links and notes:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comWaitlist for the Deep Resilience Experience course release (currently the waitlist is on our old course page called Headstrong https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/ here) Get your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

We all have those moments where the voice in the head starts to whisper things like: This isn't going to work. You're not good enough, you're not talented enough, or you're not smart enough or experienced enough to do that. Who do you think you are? You're too short, too tall, too hairy, too geeky. It will never work!And when we get hooked by self-doubt narratives it can crush our confidence, lower our self-worth, hold us back from the things we really care about and make us feel anxious and depressed.So how can we overcome it? In this episode, I share a three-step method to overcome self-doubt so that you can follow your dreams, achieve your goals, perform at your best and enjoy life more fully.Key Links and notes:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comWaitlist for the Deep Resilience Experience course release (currently the waitlist is on our old course page called Headstrong https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/ here) Get your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

Overthinking comes in many forms but by far the main two types are rumination (which can lead to feelings of unworthiness, depression and self-doubt) and worry (which gives rise to stress, anxiety and overwhelm).Research shows that overthinking is linked to mental illnesses such as clinical depression and anxiety. Simply put, overthinking is not a useful mental habit. It hurts and hinders us.So how can we overcome it? In this episode, I share a simple practice you can use to shift overthinking into a more empowering, helpful and skillful way of thinking.Key Links and notes:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comWaitlist for the Deep Resilience Experience course release (currently the waitlist is on our old course page called Headstrong https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/ here) Get your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

When I am working with clients to help them become mentally stronger, one concern that often comes up is how they will be able to handle their most dark and disturbing thoughts. They often feel very intimidated, frightened or overwhelmed by them and worry about the effects of these thoughts in their life.However, when I am able to show them how to transform their relationship to these thoughts there is a huge sense of relief and release and renewed confidence.In this episode of Deep Resilience I walk you through three foundational tools to start to approach your dark thoughts in more adaptive, helpful and life-affirming ways so you can find relief from stress and suffering and find greater freedom and peace of mind.Key Links and notes:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comLearn meditation at mindfulness.com (I have a 10 and 30-day course on there you can take).Waitlist for the Deep Resilience Experience course release: (currently the waitlist is on our old course page called Headstrong) https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/ Get your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package *Notes from the episode: Three steps-Let go of any judgment-Make room for them. Allow them to be there-Change your relationship to thoughts

When we get thrown a curveball in life we can start to feel really stuck in a situation. We may feel disempowered, defeated, broken, overwhelmed or like we cannot cope. This feeling of stuckness can leave us debilitated and unable to move forward. Often in my work with clients, I find that, if we explore closer we usually find that they are not stuck, their thoughts are. in other words, their mind is telling them 'stuck' stories. Telling them they cannot cope, telling them there's no way through an obstacle, telling them they have or will fail, it's hopeless, they will never be the same.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I walk you through the tools to let go of unhelpful thoughts that keep you stuck and show you simple ways to meet what is arising with more flexibility, resilience and creativity.Key Links and notes:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package **Questions from the episodeAm I approaching this problem with a helpful intention, a helpful state of mind? If not, what can I change?What would be a few different possibilities to move forward or find a new way through? What would I do here if I wasn't afraid at all? What's something I haven't thought of yet that could make this better? What matters to me in this situation deep in my heart? What is the most important thing? (take actions toward that most important thing)Am I being totally honest with myself about everything that's happening to me in this situation? (am I stuck or scared?)

We've all had times where somebody has said or done something that we felt really hurt by. There is the initial event that happened but then we often continue mulling over it, fanning the flames of resentment and anger within us, and keeping the heartache alive. Sometimes we might keep carrying a resentment for weeks, months or years. What we don't realise is that resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person suffers. It's us who carries the hate, the ill will, the bitterness, the grudge. In this episode of Deep Resilience, I walk you through four steps to let go of resentment: Understanding, acceptance, accountability and forgiveness.By releasing resentment towards another you find peace and strength in yourself. Key Links and notes:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package **The forgiveness phrase you can say to yourself from the episode: “I forgive you, I will hold no hostility in my heart, I wish you well.”

When it comes to resilience, having strong relationships is foundational. Research also shows that strong relationships are a predictor of happiness, good health and longevity. Needless to say, it's worth investing in keeping our relationships, healthy, strong and meaningful.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I encourage you to try five tips to strengthen your bonds with loved ones and improve the quality of your relationships so that they flourish, thrive and add more fullness, richness and love to your lifeThey are:Quality Time Effective CommunicationLearning Conflict Resolution SkillsExpress AppreciationHonor IndividualityKey Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

The practice of realizing interdependence is about really knowing, not just in our mind but in our whole being, that we are not separate from the world around us. That we exist in a large web of interconnectedness. It is returning to wisdom and belonging.We live in a culture that devalues wisdom and emphasises materialism, individualism and independence. A culture that has an almost shameful view of dependence on others and the web of life.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I encourage you to accept the truth of interdependence, challenge the status quo view, come into harmony with the way life is and tap into the deeper wisdom and strength within you.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

When we're going through really difficult times it's common for the mind to tip into unhelpful patterns that amplify instead of alleviating our distress, keeping us locked in loops of anxiety, pessimism and reactivity. Racing and repetitive thoughts ramp up our suffering and drag us into disempowerment.But if we can find our point of power in stressful times, research shows that we can let go of overwhelm and navigate forward with more calm, confidence and inner strength.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I walk you through the two-step process of finding your point of power in any situation allowing you to feel more centered, act more effectively and find peace in the middle of it all.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

Sometimes, things go wrong. Unfortunate things happen. We make mistakes. We all know this is an unavoidable part of life, but there may be something working in the background that can transform these moments from mere setbacks into inflated beliefs about our character. When we personalise these events, conflating what happened with who we are, we become defined by our failures, increasing negative thoughts, lowering self-esteem and even causing social anxiety or depression. In this episode of Deep Resilience, I encourage you to separate your actions from your identity, consider the situation from all angles and question the validity of the negative narratives that emerge. By fostering an objective, depersonalised approach, you can begin to tease apart guilt from shame and move forward with greater strength, wisdom and empowerment. Key Links:Transforming Guilt into Wisdom: https://open.spotify.com/episode/05Ljm6m26pgyu7OBo63YEl Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

We all want a better life, but is our pursuit of it actually making us happier? In many instances, the answer is no. This is where the Jevons paradox comes in. The Jevons Paradox is named for the nineteenth-century economist William Stanley Jevons. He noticed that as steam engines, powered by coal, became ever more efficient, Britain's appetite for coal increased rather than decreased.The paradox still exists today. The latest renewable energy technologies are not resulting in a decrease in climate change for instance. I think this same principle applies to our desire to make a better life for ourselves. Today, the latest ideas on how to be better and have a better life (look better, get richer, have more and better stuff, achieve more success) can lead to unintended consequences.It turns out that pursuing ever-more activities designed to make ourselves and our lives better often leads us to feel greater stress, dissatisfaction and disconnection with the things that truly matter.The problem isn't the actual technology or wanting to make positive changes. The problem starts within, with a simple mindset shift. In this episode, I offer a way to counter the Jevons paradox and become more self-aware, genuinely happy and authentic.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

Identifying and expressing our emotions effectively can one tricky but being able talk about our feelings with others is really important, not only to our relationships with others but for our own mental health, quality of life and overall wellbeing.In this episode of the podcast I offer you a helpful three step framework to help you identify your emotions and the reasons behind them clearly. Then communicate them in a way that defuses defensiveness and fosters understanding, mutual respect and helpful outcomes.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

We all grow up with messaging about what's “normal”: a normal family, a normal body, a normal life. We may not be conscious of it, but these ideas can linger in the backwaters of our minds and hinder our ability to live with agency and authenticity. The truth, though, is that the idea of “normal” is a myth, and constant striving to close the gap between the reality we live in and how we think things are supposed to be can breed shame and self-doubt, leaving us feeling isolated and unworthy. In this episode of Deep Resilience, I share some “not-normal” aspects of myself that I once struggled with but now embrace. I invite you to identify the conflicts between who you are and your idea of who you're supposed to be and bring them into the light. By breaking out of the tight box of “normal” and the judgments it imposes, you can step into your uninhibited self-expression and cultivate compassionate understanding, which can then be extended to others.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package

Change is inevitable, but that doesn't make it easy. Even positive life transitions can feel destabilising, and our excitement can quickly be transcended by stress and overwhelm. Whether we are navigating major or minor-scale change, there are steps we can take to help move through these shifts with greater ease and confidence, allowing us to anchor ourselves amidst life's turbulent tides and emerge stronger on the other side. In this episode of Deep Resilience, I present five invaluable strategies to foster an affirming and grounding approach to life's changes, big or small. Wherever you currently find yourself, I encourage you to explore how these concepts can be applied broadly to enhance your overall wellbeing and state of mind.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Guilt is a complex and often uncomfortable emotion, and while we might find it distressing to experience, it holds immense potential for constructive growth if we tune into its insights. Often mistaken for shame, which can become debilitating and detrimental to our self-esteem and wellbeing, guilt offers an avenue to realign with our values and authentic selves. In making this distinction and reflecting on the source of our guilt and the actions and circumstances that prompted it, we can fully embrace the wisdom it has to offer and commit to positive change.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I elucidate the crucial difference between guilt and shame and the importance of separating who you are from your actions. I guide you to investigate the emotion with empathy and transform the experience from disempowerment into one of motivation, inner strength, and mental clarity.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Anyone who has experienced grief knows how profoundly painful and scary it can be. It can totally overwhelm and debilitate us, and in our attempts to escape or push through in any way we can, it's easy to tip into maladaptive or unhelpful coping mechanisms, making an already difficult time feel even more impossible. Amidst the turmoil, taking some time to contemplate and address our needs can help us navigate this inherently painful journey with gentle, life-affirming, and rejuvenating clarity.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I share four key questions to ask yourself in times of grief to promote nourishment and self-compassion. Reflecting on your answers will illuminate potential unmet needs and guide you in taking nurturing action, however small, to care for yourself and replenish your strength.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-packageJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Trauma can seem a weighty term, but the truth is most of us have had experiences in life that have that have somehow burdened or constrained us. Some of us are so impacted we feel completely stuck, broken, hopeless. While we can't change the events of the past, it is possible to heal. The wounds we carry are not what happened to us but what happened within us, and though this psychological scarring is enduring, it doesn't have to be permanent. In this episode of Deep Resilience, I touch upon expert Dr. Gabor Maté's insights about the nature and dynamics of trauma. I invite you to begin an unburdening process of recognition and reconnection with yourself, and introduce various evidence-based therapeutic modalities for more supported healing. Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Spending time alone is an important and healthy part of being human, but becoming isolated or emotionally disconnected from others can naturally lead to painful feelings of loneliness, even if we aren't actually alone. Most of us thrive in healthy communities with close relationships, so when loneliness signals our social needs are not being met, instead of becoming overwhelmed, we can take empowered action to restore feelings of control, hopefulness and resilience. In this episode of Deep Resilience, I expand on last week's episode and offer practical steps you can take right now to protect your wellbeing and strengthen your bonds with others. I introduce a three-step framework to clarify the cause of loneliness in the context of your specific needs and circumstances and transform the experience into one of insight and self-actualisation.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Loneliness can consume us, often triggering depression and pulling us into deeper isolation. To cope with this, we are typically advised to escape or repress the feeling by remaining busy, distracted and preoccupied, but this can ultimately exacerbate our suffering and leave us burnt out. An emotion apt to cause so much pain may seem an obvious enemy, but in changing our relationship with loneliness, we begin to recognise it as an ally offering valuable insight about our fundamental need for connection.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I clarify the distinction between feeling lonely and simply being alone and tease apart the mental storylines we attach to each. From here, you can create the space to mindfully investigate the feeling and adopt a more skillful and life-affirming approach, fostering a deeper connection with yourself and your needs.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

In a society overly fixated on our outward appearances and achievements, we can easily get caught in loops of shame or disappointment about our bodies and, from a place of harsh judgement, push ourselves to fix, change or improve what we perceive as flaws or inferiorities. As ever-changing and impossible standards permeate our environments and our minds, we can counter ingrained self-criticism by actively practising body appreciation and creating the space to treat ourselves and our bodies with more compassion, acceptance and appreciation.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I invite you to unhook from negative thoughts and comparisons and contemplate the many ways your body supports and nourishes you as the vehicle through which you experience the world. By shifting your mental dialogue and learning to befriend your body, you can start to find comfort and gratitude within your own skin.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Self love is a simple, though perhaps not always easy, practice of maintaining an accepting attitude towards yourself and treating yourself with kindness and respect. Often misconstrued as self-importance, self-indulgence or toxic positivity at the expense of our ability to love and care for others, true self love embraces the coexistence of frustration and understanding, disappointment and compassion, allowing space for each.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I exemplify how the concept of self love translates to actions that can be incorporated into your day-to-day. Rather than being antithetical to self-improvement, I emphasise how cultivating this valuable skill promotes increased confidence, improved ability to reach your goals, closer relationships and an increase in overall life satisfaction.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

The human mind is a double-edged sword. While it has the remarkable ability to help us survive, problem-solve and innovate, if allowed to roam unchecked, it can easily succumb to unhelpful programmed thought patterns that cause stress and suffering, latching on to rumination, self-criticism and limiting beliefs. Cultivating the skill of mindfulness, dropping out of the mind and into awareness, allows us both to unhook from destructive thought cycles and draw upon an enormous reservoir of wisdom, calm and inner strength that already exists within us.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I introduce the seven qualities of the self that are awakened when we learn to inhabit the present moment and anchor ourselves in a deeper awareness. I guide you through a simple breathing exercise to practise mindfulness, connect with your core self, find a place of wholeness and work towards mental, emotional and spiritual strength.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comFree Meditations: https://melliobrien.com/free-meditations/Get your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-packageJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

We've equipped our mental strength toolkits with tried and true mindfulness and mindset techniques, but what about when these fall short? Sometimes, even the strongest mind is not enough to pull us through our toughest days or lift us from our lowest lows. While these evidence-based techniques offer immense value, they can overlook our deepest wellspring of inner strength as human beings. The Deep Resilience method integrates and enhances these modalities within a four-step framework, adopting a holistic approach and allowing us to tap into our deeper nature and access the innate intelligence of the mind, body and spirit.In this episode of Deep Resilience, I invite you to try on a different paradigm of human nature and drop into a new depth and richness on this journey of becoming stronger together. I share my personal story that led me to recognize the importance of deep awareness, expanding the horizons and definitions of inner strength while unlocking the power to rise not only to individual challenges but also to collective ones.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comGet your free Deep Resilience Care Package: https://melliobrien.com/#deep-resilience-care-package Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Deep resilience is a state of mental-emotional and spiritual integration and strength that can change everything. The way you live, the way you lead, the way you love and the way you handle life's challenges.This podcast will help you unlock your own deep resilience. In this way you can use this podcast as your weekly training ground to build inner strength in bite sized chunks, one step at a time.In each weekly episode of the Deep Resilience podcast Melli O'Brien shares one key insight or skill to help you grow your inner strength, allowing you to reduce your stress, rise to your challenges and unlock greater freedom and peace of mind in the middle of it all. After 15 years as an entrepreneur educator and coach in the mental health space and having the blessing of a successful career where her courses, retreats and app helped over 1 million people globally become mentally stronger, Melli created the deep resilience method, a radical new approach that is helping thousands of people remain resilient, empowered and centred even in the face of formidable challenges.

New Exciting Changes:Announcement of forthcoming changes in the podcast, including a new name which will be reveailed and explained in the first episode of the season.While the content will remain similar, it will now offer greater value based on feedback received from the audience and new insightsinto mental strengthHints at what is to come:In the new season I'll be sharing new insights and tips that have been kept under wraps due to new developments going on behind the scenes, including writing my first book set to be released later in the year.One of those developments was the creation and trademarking of “The Deep Resilience Method,” which I will be taking a deeper dive into throughout the upcoming season.Gratitude and Acknowledgment:Thank you for following the podcast and for all the positive feedback. The first season of the podcast rose to top 5% of all podcasts globally.Stay tuned for the new season starting very soon. I look forward to continuing the journey together.

Life can get pretty messy sometimes when we're dealing with all the ups and downs that come our way. At times like this, our thoughts and emotions are all over the place. We call this the ‘Beautiful Mess Effect'. And, often, we're inclined to hide our messiness from others.But, did you know that showing vulnerability can actually be good for our mental well-being? In this episode, I'm going to share with you some results from research studies that have been conducted on the Beautiful Mess Effect. You might be surprised by what these studies have found.If you want to know the secret to embracing your imperfections and sharing your vulnerability with others, listen up, because I'm going to give you two useful tips that you can use whenever things get a bit messy in your life.Melli O'Brien:https://melliobrien.com/Join the Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Do you spend your daily life on auto-pilot? We all do it. Many of us have daily habits that we repeat day after day without even realising it. This means that we often miss out on the truly beautiful moments by just not noticing them. Do you want to be more mindful and add a little spice to your life?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I introduce you to the Habit Releaser. This useful tool comes from a book titled ‘Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World' by Mark Williams, an Emeritus Professor of Psychology at Oxford University.I'll explain how to use the Habit Releaser by taking simple actionable steps every day to break those habits and start to notice the world around us more. By taking these same steps, you can learn to really enjoy every single moment, whether you spend it on your own or with your family and friends.Melli O'Brien:https://melliobrien.com/Join Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online mental strength training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/Join the Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Many of us wake each morning to be met with a seemingly endless list of demands and responsibilities. Whether it's “I have to deliver a crucial presentation to a high-profile client” or simply, “I have to make the bed,” the sense of obligation and constriction evokes feelings of resistance, resentment and restriction. Even tasks we once found joy, excitement and fulfilment in can drain our enthusiasm, lower our mood and bring up hostility when we feel bound or forced to do them. But what if we didn't actually have to? What if we chose to?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I encourage you to experiment with shifting your language from ‘have to' to ‘choose to'. When we connect to a sense of purpose and agency instead of pain and pressure, we remind ourselves that our actions are driven from our values and what truly matters to us, and this can facilitate a profound shift in our attitude, state of being and ultimately our quality of life. Melli O'Brien:https://melliobrien.com/ Join Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online mental strength training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/Join the Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

While we all face difficult emotions at various times in our lives, we each respond differently. We might keep ourselves busy, trying to bury them under work and responsibilities. We might bombard ourselves with endless content, escaping into virtual or fictional worlds. Some look to external sources to numb or distract from pain, while others resist or reject it from within, deeming it illogical or excessive, or simply denying it altogether. Though all of these reactions are perfectly normal, they're not helpful, ultimately serving to prolong and intensify our distress. Maybe that's because these feelings are here to sabotage and destroy us. Or maybe, just maybe, they're trying to tell us something.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I invite you to try a three-step process to bring mindful awareness to your emotions and let them guide you to identify and meet your needs to promote strength and wellbeing. Through treating your emotions as teachers instead of adversaries, you can find calm, compassion and soothing even in the midst of adversity.Melli O'Brien:https://melliobrien.com/ Join Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online mental strength training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/Join the Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

When the demands of our lives stretch us to our limits and we feel the overwhelming pain of grief, heartbreak, or hopelessness, we might respond in one of two ways. We might struggle against the discomfort by shutting down, isolating or lashing out. We might be consumed by our feelings and sink into the quicksand of self-criticism and negative self-talk. We might even cycle through these modes in a self-perpetuating negative spiral that fuels stress and jeopardises our mental and physical health. We can't avoid distress entirely, but it doesn't have to be this way. Instead of being consumed or trapped by the intensity of our emotions, we can learn to engage our innate emotional intelligence through self-kindness and mindful awareness.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I delve into psychologist Kristen Neff's research on self-compassion and the body's threat response, and introduce the self-compassion break practice. I guide you through a mini meditation that can serve as a source of support and strength when needed most, helping you navigate your darkest times with compassion, mindfulness, and gentleness.Key Links:The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Self-Compassion Break Guided Meditation: https://self-compassion.org/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/ Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Depicted in artwork, literature and religious texts throughout history, envy has long been part of the human experience, but never quite like it is today. Social media grants us access to a constant stream of highly curated and filtered images of happiest and most successful moments of our peers and strangers alike. With all of this at our fingertips, we compare the best snapshots of their lives with the most mundane of ours, feeding a growing sense of inadequacy and disconnection from others and ourselves, accompanied by a complex mixture of longing and resentment, often tinged with shame.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I present two science-backed tips to transform your moments of envy into moments of strength, love and happiness. By reducing exposure to environments, habits and media that stoke the fires of envy within you and embracing Buddhism's practice of sympathetic joy, you can retrain your mind to operate in ways that foster feelings of gratefulness, abundance, and joy instead of lack, bitterness and hostility.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comThe Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

In the pursuit of perfection, we often view things through a lens of comparison, criticism, or judgment, hindering our ability to fully embrace and authentically love what's in front of us. We do this to ourselves too, striving for perfection and judging ourselves against some standard or ideal self. This inner tension distorts our view of ourselves and others. We miss the beauty in imperfections, the inherent value of things as they are, and the genuine connections that come from unconditional acceptance. But there's an alternative mindset free of comparison or judgment, and this acceptance leads to love.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I touch on the wisdom of the Dalai Lama's teachings on love and encourage you to shift from comparison to compassion. By letting go of perfectionism and deliberately switching to unconditional appreciation, you can ease tension, resentment and stress and make more space in your life for authentic wholehearted love to flourishKey Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comThe Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Every day, we make countless decisions that shape the direction and quality of our lives in one way or another. With each choice steering the course of our lives at each little juncture, no matter how great or small, their amassed weight has the potential to overwhelm. We've been given conflicting advice: “Trust your gut,” “Follow your heart,” or “Listen to your head,” yet another decision about how to approach making a decision. Thankfully, we don't need to agonise over this one; we can use all three.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore the ancient teachings and modern neuroscience of the “three brains” and share an incredible tool for decision-making aligned with your values. Harnessing the power of the head, heart and gut, this five-step meditation technique helps integrate intellect, wisdom, and intuition for empowered choices. Key Links:The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Head-Heart-Gut Check-In Meditation: https://mindfulness.com/guided-meditation/the-head-heart-gut-check-in?variant=17eb83d7-4bef-4387-b5c6-7674528a11ccMelli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Living with someone who is constantly criticising, berating, and judging you is exhausting, demoralising and breeds a sense of tension and uneasiness within the home. The same can be said for what might be called our true home, the one we carry with us everywhere: our mind. Many of us endure constant feelings of unworthiness, stress and inner struggle fueled by a harsh inner critic, i.e., the worst roommate ever, a permanent tenant on a lease we never signed. We can't kick them out. We can't move out. So what do we do?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I invite you to shift your inner dialogue and transform your inner critic into the kind and supportive roommate you deserve, returning your home to a place of safety, relaxation and rejuvenation. Through persistent training in self-compassion and a focus on befriending instead of berating yourself, you'll discover greater ease, calm, motivation and vitality.Key Links:The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Podcast: The Link Between Compassion and SuccessApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/mentally-stronger/id1637748876?i=1000617629337Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2ZouAxNZHUmC4bbhb0PMvn?si=ZPTyVpigQH670keKumKtPgMelli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

The power of the human mind is a double-edged sword. It enables us to plan, solve problems, create goals and work towards them, but its dark side tends to haunt our inner world with self-criticism, ruminations and worries. For many of us, that voice inside can become our own worst enemy, crushing our self-esteem and fuelling constant stress, negativity or anxiety. Thankfully, we don't have to get caught up in distressing or harmful inner dialogue. We can choose to unsubscribe. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explain how cognitive fusion causes us to mistake our thoughts for reality, giving them the power to dictate our actions and emotions. I share an ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) strategy that disempowers unhelpful and painful thoughts and, with regular practice, builds your capacity to unhook from them and bring more lightness, ease and joy into your days.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comThe Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

We all have a natural yearning to be understood, but effective communication requires mutual understanding. In our efforts to convey our point of view or form the perfect response, we often miss the opportunity to see another perspective, and create a defensive environment that is ripe for misunderstandings, distrust and resentments. Steven Covey offers a valuable remedy in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - “seek first to understand, then to be understood" - but this can be harder than it sounds.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I break down Covey's advice and demonstrate practical steps to promote more mindful, non-judgemental and deep listening. When we truly hear and seek to understand others, we set up the conditions for mutual trust, care and respect, making it more likely that, when it's our turn to speak, we'll be afforded the same courtesy.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Shame and guilt, often used interchangeably, are different experiences with distinct effects. Guilt, the feeling we get when we've done something wrong, is adaptive and helpful, prompting discomfort when our actions contradict our values and facilitating self-reflection and restitution. Shame, on the other hand, is the feeling that we are what's wrong, that we are unworthy, bad or broken. It offers no constructive or restorative path, instead opening a pit of self-deprecation and low self-esteem, with no ladder to climb out. This destructive force can lead to depression, anger and hurtful behaviour toward others, further feeding the shame cycle.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I help you distinguish the two feelings and delve into a potential source of persistent feelings of shame. I provide three pointers for healthier handling of both feelings, so you can foster healthier relationships with yourself and others and live in a way that promotes personal growth, happiness, and empowerment.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Moments of perfection in our lives, whether a life-changing sunset or an unforgettable kiss, are often intruded by a common thought: “I wish this moment could last forever.” Though it's natural to want to hold on to the things that bring us peace, joy or wonder, true enjoyment is hindered when we cling to the desire for things to remain as they are. Clinging, unlike healthy desire, involves gripping, forcing, and resisting. It brings tension, stress and heartache, prohibiting us from fully experiencing and appreciating life. But we can cultivate acceptance and appreciation for the present moment by focusing on clinging less and loving more.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explain the distinction between healthy desire and clinging, and guide you in identifying what that associated tension feels like in your body and mind. I suggest a practice of softening and shifting focus to love and appreciation, creating space for more magic moments, an increased sense of love and a deeper sense of gratitude in our daily lives.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

When we encounter stress, our bodies instinctively enter the fight-or-flight mode. This evolutionary mechanism, enabling us to fight, fly or freeze in the face of danger, was an essential survival tool for our hunter-gatherer ancestors. But in today's fast-paced world, our lives occupied with busy schedules, personal challenges and global crises, we tend to experience persistent and prolonged tension in both our minds and bodies at the high cost of a range of health problems and mental illnesses. Unfortunately, we can't eliminate the demands and pressures of the modern world, but we can counteract their harm with intentional regulation and relaxation; we can go from stress-on to stress-off.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore Dr. Herbert Benson's The Relaxation Response, a transition from a state of stress to one of relaxation said to help prevent and compensate for the damage incurred by frequent nervous reactions in our bodies. I provide three exercises that, when practised regularly and deliberately, help you find balance and train your body and mind to naturally default to a relaxed state.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Assigning blame is a natural response when we face adversity, hurt or disappointment. According to research professor, author and speaker Brené Brown, it's how we discharge anger, discomfort and pain. While pointing the finger might be easy or even our first instinct when we feel wronged, its inverse relationship with accountability is fundamentally disempowering, serving to undermine our resolve to create change, both within and without, and leaving us stuck in negativity and anger.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I invite you to let go of the blame game and reclaim your personal responsibility and, in doing so, your power. By grounding yourself in presence, compassion, integrity and acceptance, you can break the cycle of attack and defence and instead promote personal growth, inner peace, and stronger communication and relationships.Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

The human mind is wired to prefer information that supports our existing beliefs and reject that which goes against them, otherwise known as confirmation bias. It doesn't matter how rational, open-minded or fact-driven we are; it's a natural tendency made more potent by deeply-ingrained or emotionally-charged views which can prevail even over clear, definitive data, leading to significant misjudgement and misunderstanding. Luckily, though it takes acknowledgement and deliberate effort, we can take steps to see beyond it.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I encourage you to first acknowledge and accept the presence of confirmation bias within you. Maintaining that awareness, I invite you to challenge rigid, unhelpful, misleading beliefs and perceptions and instead promote objectivity, openness and curiosity to cultivate a more balanced and unbiased mindset. Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

For a lot of us, showing compassion to others comes as second nature. We readily offer words of support, encouragement and reassurance to the people around us, strangers and friends alike, but how many of us can say we extend ourselves the same grace? Where does all of that kindness go when it's our failure, our mistake, our setback? When we let our inner critic take the wheel, we often become our own worst enemy, so how can self-compassion help us learn, grow and be more effective on our path through life?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I highlight the link between self-compassion and three key skills that lead to success. I invite you to meet obstacles with curiosity, courage and tenderness, and shift the inner critic to an inner coach so you can begin to learn from your mistakes with the motivation and confidence to persevere. Key Links:Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Whether it's an insensitive comment or a larger betrayal, we've all been hurt by the words or actions of others. Regardless of the cause - be it a mistake, misunderstanding, or genuine ill-will - the resulting pain we feel is real, and we often find ourselves ruminating, fanning the flames of resentment and anger, and keeping the heartache alive. There's not much we can do to avoid differences, disagreements and difficulties - they're an inevitable part of life - but we can lighten the load and choose not to carry this mental baggage with us wherever we go.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I outline the emotional toll of holding onto a grudge as well as three steps to see things more objectively, transform hostility into compassion and understanding, and intentionally let go.Key Links:Melli O'Brien:https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Each of us has an inherent power to make a difference in the world around us, a power that is all too easy to forget. Bombarded with a seemingly endless cycle of catastrophic news, a kind word or good deed here and there might feel like a drop in the ocean. We've probably all heard something along the lines of "if it makes a difference to just one person, it matters," and there's a reason this sentiment has permeated the acceptance speeches of Nobel Peace Prize winners and high school graduates alike: not only is it true, it's mutually beneficial.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore how altruism can be expressed in big and small ways, both through specific actions and a general attitude of generosity, empathy, and goodwill. I highlight the strong link between altruism and happiness, its physical health benefits, and the value of repeated practice, both with yourself and others, in bringing improved health, happiness, and overall quality of life.Key Links:Melli O'Brien:https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

When things are left messy, unanswered or unresolved, we often find ourselves longing for closure, some magical process through which we can wrap everything up in a neat little package, feel better and move on. What makes closure so elusive, though, is that we're often seeking it from another person, maybe in the form of an apology, an explanation or a goodbye. We feel dependent upon someone else giving us closure, and it can be almost torturous when we don't get it. There's good news, though: we can learn to find it within ourselves.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I invite you to make a subtle shift from the pursuit of closure - neat, tidy and final - to the pursuit of healing, embracing the mess, discomfort and uncertainty that comes with it. I share four steps to promote healthy healing, allowing you to live fully in the present even when you carry a bit of pain from the past.‌Key Links:‌Melli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

If you tuned in last week, you know the importance of difficult conversations; they're essential to the health of your relationships, your own mental wellbeing, and for driving change on a larger scale. But even with the guidance of my four-step framework, without proper preparation, we may find ourselves approaching these situations with a negative attitude, obscurity of purpose or hidden motive, often leading to further conflict and misunderstanding. A little introspection allows us to prepare for and undertake tough conversations with clarity and compassion and ultimately achieve better outcomes.On this episode of Mentally Stronger, I build on last week's episode by taking a deeper dive into the art of difficult conversations and inviting you to work through your own thoughts and emotions first. I walk you through five steps to get clear on your intentions, gain perspective and cultivate a solutions-focused mindset so you can raise concerns and initiate challenging discussions with precision, good will and grace.Key Links:Checklist: 5 Steps to prepare for difficult conversationsMelli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Have you ever avoided having a difficult conversation with a friend, colleague or partner? If you have, you might already know how harmful it can be, both to yourself and the relationship. Whether it's a small annoyance or major issue, leaving things unaddressed can breed resentment, enable toxic and harmful behaviour, and cause relationships to fall apart. Beyond personal issues, avoiding the hard stuff can have societal and global implications. Daunting as it can be, the ability to engage in healthy confrontation is crucial to making a difference in your personal life and the world at large.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I provide a helpful framework, based on the work of psychologist, author and relationship researcher John Gottman, equipping you to have difficult conversations with confidence and effectiveness. With these four simple steps, you'll be more empowered and authentic in the situations you face, opening the door for more fulfilling relationships, less stress and greater mental strength.Key Links:My 4-Step Difficult Conversations Checklist:https://melliobrien.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/4-Step-Checklist-for-Difficult-Conversations-1.pdfMelli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Periods of calm, quiet and tranquillity present excellent opportunities to recharge, deepen our mental strength practice and connect with profound states of peace, but it is out in the ‘real world' where these skills are really put to work. Even the most spiritually accomplished of us, the most skilled meditators, the most revered teachers can become triggered or overcome by a strong emotional response, usually unpleasant, to some kind of stimulus in the environment. Though none of us are completely immune, the mentally strong learn to work with difficult and charged emotions in skillful ways and use those moments to gain insight and grow in self-awareness.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I recap the ‘name it to tame it' technique, a reminder to help you regulate and reduce the intensity of an emotional reaction when triggered. I expand this technique with two additional steps, taking you further from regulation into insight and allowing you to meet moments of reactivity with awareness, curiosity and wisdom to carry into the next.Key LinksMelli O'Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/More on ‘Name it to Tame it' in Mentally Stronger episode #31: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/mentally-stronger/id1637748876?i=1000608278023 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3U4yMMp7QPMGnJZYt9dmRx