Moments Matter

Join Sonja and Julia for one last episode about the beginnings and endings of seasons. :) We love you all, thank you for listening in. 

I turned 51 the other day, and it was hard. For some reason 50 seemed easier than 51. Today I talk about what I would tell myself I was 25 again. Can you think of what YOU would say if you could go back and talk to your 25 yourself? It's important to think about how God changes us and heals us through the years, and as women we should think of how far God has brought us as we get older. It's good to remember all the amazing lessons you learned along the way as we recognize we're getting older. Join me in the conversation today–what would you tell your 25 year old self? 

It's so hard to be on the sidelines when your high schooler is doing all the "lasts" you do as a senior. It's possibly even harder to wait for that first phone call (or even just a text) from your college freshman who you haven't seen in a month. Today I'm asking how you're doing with these changes and listing crucial ways to cheer your child on as they step into adulthood in these next few years. I know how hard it is to see them in these new transitions, and sometimes it can be difficult to know how to support them without getting in the way of their big year. What do you do when they're having a rough day? Or having a bad attitude about school? Is there a healthy way to help your college kid find what they need at school? Join me as I discuss all these common questions on today's episode and empathize with the mamas that are on the sidelines for these big life moments in their child's life. 

How do you know if He is speaking to you? Sonja and Julia discuss the mysteries of how the Holy Spirit works in our lives. While Julia is hesitant to say she knows how to listen to the Holy Spirit, Sonja discusses the experiences in her own life that have lead her to understand His voice. Are you listening? Are you looking for the nudge? There's a bit of a disagreement on today's episode about whether or not the Holy Spirit is speaking to us using a voice. Is it just about feeling? How do we actually hear from Him? These are few of the things we discuss together. 

“I can't describe how different he had become in that time when he realized he was different.” Jennifer Ouderkirk joins us today to tell her story of how God transformed her life when she had her son, Brandon, who was born with learning disabilities. She shares the heartbroken experiences God taught her during that time and how she learned to teach Brandon that God doesn't make mistakes. We as moms want to be able to fix the problem, we want to protect our children from difficult things, but we don't always have that choice. We must be able to let go of the control and allow God to give us the grace He gives so freely, but it may just take everything we as moms have. 

My 3 son-in-laws join me on today's episode! It was a blast to talk about what mother-in-law stereotypes I fill, how first impressions can be deceiving, and what it's like being a part of a close knit family. Are you a mother-in-law now or getting ready to become one soon? There's so many ways to have a good relationship with your son-in-law or daughter-in-law and here's just a few insights into my past experiences and what my son-in-laws have to say about how I've managed so far. 

The fall season is just around the corner and that used to mean "back to school," but now it just means... what? For the empty nester, fall means something different than it meant all those years of school supplies, new clothes, and a new calendar.What does it mean for the empty nester now and how can we mitigate the depression that might start to creep up as we think of what used to be (or having to say goodbye to our college-age kids)? Sonja discusses some practical tips to make this next season more bearable and even enjoyable!   

Sonja travels back in time to when she was in high school and reminisces of the 80s and what it was like going to a small Christian school as a teenager. Between an awful car accident that changed her freshman year of high school to a wonderful youth pastor and his wife who mentored her, we had a lot to discuss today! We hope you're encouraged by our discussion on how you can make a difference–and how every moment really matters in those formative years. 

Do you feel absolutely stuck over a decision you're making right now? Everyone has hard decisions to make and oftentimes it feels like you can't win either way, but what if we had a blueprint for making those kinds of decisions with confidence? Today Sonja discusses what we can do on a practical level to use our heart, our head, and our gut in our decision-making process to stop the constant back-and-forth. There are seasons when you feel like you can't make a difficult decision, and instead of giving you empty promises that "whatever decision you make will be okay", Sonja guides you through a way to make decisions using all 3 of your centers of intelligence. 

What's expected of you when your daughter or son is having a baby? When should you help them out and when should you give them their space? All these questions (and more!) run around in your head when you become a grandma. It's a whole different ballgame with a different set of boundaries. We have Ashli Prieskorn, Sonja's daughter, to help us with this discussion on expectations for the birth and beyond. How do we communicate with our children about THEIR children? 

For mothers and daughters (and sons), the engagement and wedding process is a tricky one riddled with highs and lows. JennaLyn Dalton, Sonja's youngest daughter, joins us today to tell her story of how she came to the decision to move up her wedding date by almost 8 whole months and what her relationship with her parents looked like on that journey. Have your sons or daughters considered long engagements? If so, what are the pros and cons? We dive into the many challenges that come along with deciding when to get married and how to have conversations about it.

Moms, we must be aware of how we treat our adult children! Are we passive aggressive, do we guilt them into doing things we want them to do, do we manipulate and manuever situations to get the outcome we desire? An even better question: how do we know if we're doing this? Today we talk about what it means to depend on your kids for your happiness and how that feeds into the way you act toward them and love them. It's time to wake up and be the best mom we can be to our adult children. Good Boundaries and Goodbyes book link

Everything in your bones says that you are on YOUR kid's side when they are having problems with their spouse. Your heart wants to instantly think that it's your daughter- or son-in-law's fault and that your child is the innocent party in whatever marital problems they are having. Today we consider what it looks like to be a supportive and loving parent to a child who is going through marital issues. Everyone goes through difficult seasons, and it's up to you decide how you're going to treat your kids as they walk through life's rough journeys. What is a healthy, Godly way of responding to your child and their spouse?

"We have an army of forgotten moms trying to navigate their changing roles with their adult children... and don't know where to turn." Do you feel forgotten as a mom of adult children? There were all these resources for moms when you were a mother of little toddlers, but now the help and community seems few and far between. Today we tackle an article written by Pamela Henkelman that gives some amazing advice on how to encourage "the forgotten moms" in the thick of parenting adult children. When you don't know where to turn, we've got you. Listen in today to hear our take on a wonderfully written article. The Forgotten Moms Article: https://www.pamelahenkelman.com/blog/f1f5riui0r7al80gdh68wvy1pg3jiw

"It may have seemed disappointing to us at the time–my papa who I saw only a few times a year–shushing us chatty little girls to read a book. But it made me wonder what all the fuss was about? Did it really matter that much, reading the Bible and praying?" Julia gets on the podcast to give a child's perspective on how a parent's relationship with God can impact a child's life whether or not they see it as helpful in the moment. She discusses the importance of having a relationship with the Lord, and how she came to naturally make a habit of reading the Bible through different examples in her life.

I confess I had a fight with Kevin very recently that reminded me of who I used to be and how far God has brought me since then. It's something I want not only all of my listeners to hear, but especially my 3 daughters. God can fill your life with redemptive grace, amen? Today I talk vulnerably about the imperfections that I still face even today, and I do a deep dive into some of my health struggles and what I've been working through for most of my life. There are such hard things that happen, and it's crazy to think about how God brings you through it all.

Don't look back at the end of the summer and say you didn't do anything! Let's dive deep into how to have the best summer ever with these 5 intentions. Sonja and Julia discuss 5 ways (we won't call them goals, we promise!) in which we can be productive and fun this summer without getting too caged in. Sonja talks about "fluid documents," how to set intentions, and make the best of your summer no matter if you're an empty nester or in your 20s. Join them for this fun discussion around summertime productivity.

What do you do when your kids want nothing to do with your faith? The hardest journey to tread is being a Christian parent to an unbeliever. Your heart aches for them, your desire is that they would hear the truth and know it, but you don't know how to handle the day-to-day reality. How much time do you invest in them, what does it look like to love them well, am I enabling them when I help them? There are so many questions that go through your mind, and Sonja discusses some possible steps to take when walking this hard road.

Motherhood is not an easy road, and it starts to look different as your kids grow older. Sonja and Julia discuss what it actually takes to have good relationships with your adult kids (and with your parents as adult children). If you're wondering how to have thriving relationships with you adult children, you have to be willing to put in the work and grow yourself to become the mom that your kids want to be around when they're older. So, what DOES it take? It's not an easy job to be a mom of adult children, and if you're looking for some insight to communicate well, listen in to hear what Sonja has found to be true in her own life with adult kids.

Mother's Day is not always all it's cracked up to be. Sonja and Julia discuss the history of Mother's Day and why it started in the first place and they ask the question who is Mother's Day really for? Is it still for the mothers who have become grandmas? Is it necessary at all? We dive into the woes of Mother's Day as well as what it SHOULD look like for those mamas who are in the trenches with little ones. - What expectations should one have for Mother's Day if your kids are out of the house - Why are sermons on Mother's Day the same every year? - Mother's Day as a hard day for some - What mothers can do to have a wonderful day with their families

The small moments add up. Today, Julia reminisces about some of the moments that really stood out to her as a child... whether she knew the reason for why it stood out or not! She talks about the moments that really shaped her, encouraged her, and gave her confidence. What does it look like to to be faithful to your children and how can you implement that now?

Middle school can be a huge transition, how do you prepare your child for something like that? Changes can be hard, and not every child reacts the same way. Sonja thinks back to yesteryear when she was caring for three elementary girls and gives us 5 simple ways to help your kids make smooth transitions. We talk about how to have productive conversations with your child about their thoughts and expectations surrounding middle school and high school and what it looks like to have a good listener as a mom.

"Pray for rain in a season of rain. The Lord makes the rainclouds and He will give them showers of rain..." What does it look like to pray for rain in a season of rain? Sonja and Julia discuss a different way to look at being thankful for what you have in a season of blessing. We talk about what it looks like to take things for granted and how easily we can be apathetic towards what we have. Join us in the conversation and consider what it might look like for you to pray for rain in the rainy season. Lisa Jo-Baker Books: https://lisajobaker.com/books/

If you don't already have good communication in your family it is difficult to start, but for the sake of your family and future generations it is vital. Sonja talks about how her and Kevin communicated the big things to their girls when the time was right and how they shared what they did. What does it look like to say the things we know we need to tell our children? We talk about how secrets can eventually lead to trust issues with your adult kids, and how to handle that before it gets to a point of contention.

"You can't marry a man you just met."... or can you? Every mom will have that day when her adult child comes to her and tells her they made a decision–a decision she did not see coming. Have you had that day yet? Sometimes it's just laughable, but other times it can be painfully life changing when your adult child makes a decision you do not agree with... or a decision that seems crazy. Julia tells the story of when she met Caleb and their rapid romance that surprised Sonja and Kevin and left them with a lot of questions. We discuss the 5 steps Sonja went through to process this outrageous request and how you can be prepared to respond well... not just react.

The word "modesty" seems old-fashioned and cringe-worthy now, doesn't it? It almost feels like an overused, abused word to mean: "rules matter most." We're here to take a different approach. We welcome Sonja's two other daughters back on the show today to finish our "Dear Mom" discussion on what we think of modesty today. What is modesty really, and should we be pursuing it? Who's body is it, anyway? What does it look like when you're married? Some quick highlights include: - Moms who already have kids grown up, what should we do as we look back on how we raised our girls? - Modesty is just a facet of being a Godly woman. - The definition of modesty and what truly matters (hint: it's not a list of rules!) - The balance of being humble in what you wear vs. making sure you take care of yourself

All 3 of Sonja's daughters get on the podcast with her today to talk about their experience with all-things modesty growing up. We deep dive on a rollercoaster (laden with tension AND humor) into some good memories, some not-so-great memories, and some memories we'd rather forget! See the up-close dynamics of what 3 sisters went through growing up in a great Christian church that had its flaws and living in a Christian family (that also had its flaws!). Part 1 of this conversation includes a lot about the growing up years and what the 3 daughters thought about how we dressed vs. Sonja's perspective of how she brought up her girls. What was it like growing up in "purity" culture and was it all bad? Listen to next week's episode (part 2) to find out what they all think now about how they grew up and what their opinions on "modesty" are now.

What are tweens and teens actually responsible for? As they get older, should we give them consequences, or should we just let them deal with the natural consequences of their choices? We talk about how bad Julia and her sisters' attitudes were when it came to doing chores around the house and how Sonja's battle was uphill the entire way. Tune in to hear us talk about questions like: how much do we interfere with homework, do you let their poor choices affect the whole family?

Join us as Sonja brings us on a ride of the many places she and Kevin visited while in Israel. Have you ever experienced walking where Jesus walked? She talks about her time there, what God taught her, and gives us an amazing reminder of faith and assurance as we talk about the many things she experienced. From riding camels to watching travelers of all sorts trying to find the truth in a modernized, historic place, her adventure was worth every minute and she's excited to encourage all of you in YOUR walk with Jesus.

Julia gets on by herself to talk about feminism, femininity, and what it looks like to be fruitful in every season of life. She talks about what her mom taught her about being feminine and what the obvious differences between being a man and a woman look like. But what about feminism? Are we, as Christians, supposed to be feminists? Does “being fruitful” always mean having children? She gives examples from women in her life that are extremely fruitful–married, unmarried, mothers, wives, grandmas, and mentors.

His needs, her needs... we all have needs. Sonja welcomes Kevin, her husband, back to the show for a special Valentine's Day Edition! They talk about a tool that helped them learn each other's needs and values and how that shifted their marriage just a few years ago. It was like a light bulb moment had gone on! God designed us each with unique needs and values that fit our own personalities, and understanding each other in this way is a GAME CHANGER for any relationship. Listen as they talk about some fun stories... you'll also hear some insider secrets that maybe you didn't know about Sonja and Kevin. Needs and Values 18-Page Assessment: contact sonja@bigmomentmentor.com to get your free copy!

We like to think we're in control of our kids' lives, but oftentimes we're not. We can do all the right things, say all the right things, and still our kids might do the wrong thing. We've talked a lot about do's and don'ts in other episodes, but on this one we're talking about the main things we're not in control of as mothers... whether we'd like to think we are or not. This is not any easy truth to admit, especially when it comes to the hard things like our kids' futures and their lives as adults. Today we dive into some of the things we aren't in control of and how Sonja deals with it even now.

The early days of their marriage were rough, and Sonja had no idea what an "entrepreneur" was or how to love her husband well through it all. Walking through Kevin's multiple jobs when she had a baby or two on her hip was the last thing she wanted to do, and it made her doubt her husband and his ability to take care of them. Why think of another job idea before the other one has just begun? It drove her crazy not to see the benefits she was hoping for and produced a lot of friction in their family. So here's some advice for the wives who have husbands with big ideas! If you know, you know.

Julia was kind of an angry kid... but she lived in an environment of God's love where her parents and school teachers were teaching her about Christ for all of her childhood. She tells her story today about some deep-seated issues she had of entitlement and when it all changed for her and she realized where her true satisfaction comes from. God is a jealous God, and He used this in her life to teach her about what true love looks like even though she really isn't entitled to it all.

Setting goals in middle age is difficult, and today we get on the podcast today to talk about how Sonja was never a "goal-oriented" person. Because of this, she would get discouraged every new year because it seemed like she never really had mile markers to remind her how she'd changed over the year. When she began to create action steps that she could focus on month to month, everything changed. - What Sonja did to achieve goals without being a "goal-oriented person" - How many days it takes to build a habit - How we talk to ourselves really matters... why do we never say the positive things out loud?

Why a “word” of the year? Most of our family–consisting of 8 adults–chooses a “word” for the year, and we've done it for a while now. It all started as a social media trend–but now it's a staple part of our family's year. We talk about how it started, how it's going, and how we're evolving the word of the year to create more meaning for our year than we have in the past. A word for the year might be trendy, but it's convinced even the most skeptical of us that it's helpful Is there a difference between consistency in our goals vs. being faithful to our goals? You start it and perhaps they will follow

We really just shot in the dark with this one (it's the holidays, we're busy, too!), so it's a fun conversation about traditions, gift giving, and making the season truly mean something for your family. What can you do to be more intentional to love your adult kids well? What does making a Christmas list have to do with personalities? Here's to our incredibly random episode where we came up with these topics on the fly: Why the gift giving and receiving might be a stressor Changing holiday traditions with your adult kids when they get married How to make your daughter-in-law or son-in-law feel more welcomed into your family traditions What you should do when your kids make their own decisions Don't be the mom who takes things personally

This episode is for whenever your kids aren't home for the holidays... You know that awful, painful experience when your kids become adults and you don't see them for those special days... yes, I (Sonja) know it well, too. So what should you do? How do you handle your emotions? Here's what Julia and I talk about today: When your kids don't come home for the holidays How to emotionally respond as a mother in law to holidays What it looks like to be okay during the holidays AND miss your kids An encouragement to the moms with kids are struggling with sin issues that make the holidays difficult

Do your holidays start and end with your adult kids coming and going? Whether you have kids coming home or it's just the two of you this year, it's important to be intentional with your spouse and enjoy the holidays. Here's what Sonja talks about on today's episode: What does empty nesting look like during the Christmas season? Conversations you need to have with your spouse before your kids show up Making Christmas intentional for the two of you Handling possible depression after your kids leave and Christmas is over

When was the last time you listed off what you were thankful for? Did it have an impact on you? I know that some of you are going through difficult, hard things as the holidays begin. I know that it'll take a deep breath just to get through the moments. So today, I'm being vulnerable as I get on the podcast all by myself! If you're having a dark day or you're struggling as the holidays begin or maybe you're just not in the right mindset yet to really have wonderful Big Moments this season, I hope this episode can encourage and uplift you… to show you that just listing off what you're thankful for can lead to true joy.

What do you do as an empty nester? How do you keep going with the house so quiet all the time? I (Sonja) share an amazing experience I had just a few weeks ago and how it truly showed me that empty nesting can be a good season of life, too. In today's episode we talk about what you can do as a mom just gearing up to be an empty nester and how to make it significant when it's happened. God has created you for many purposes and roles in life, all with the same identity: in Christ. It's figuring out what to do with all that extra time (and the quiet house that seems to come with it) that's difficult in the beginning. I share my experiences and encourage those in this season of empty nesting–or nearing it–that although it's not easy, it's time to decide what you'll do about it!

The most important piece of furniture in your home is (arguably) the family dinner table. Today we talk about when I (Sonja) and Kevin turned off the TV and started eating at the table and how it changed our family relationships–and how it still has an affect today! We argue that cultivating healthy relationships with your kids starts while eating a meal together. We talk about: How to start eating at the table with your kids even if you've never done it before (awkwarddd) Why it's PIVOTAL in family bonding The ways it keeps on giving (even when your kids are out of the house!)

Are you one of those moms that has to make the holidays as wonderful as possible for when your adult kids come home? It can be stressful, and sometimes you can burnout and get to the end of the time and not have enjoyed it at all! I (Sonja) have been there, and since then I've collected 5 tips that are absolute MUSTS at our home now for when "Camp Christmas" begins and our children (and grandchildren) arrive. If you're ready to tackle the holidays and actually enjoy yourself this year, listen in on today's episode to find out my (Sonja) secret holiday essentials to prepare before my kids even get to my house. Trust me, they make life a whole lot easier!

Too often we find ourselves caring about what other people think of us–and that means we can care too much about my appearance. When I (Sonja) think back to when I first had kids, my "appearance" took way too much time and energy, but I thought people would look down on me if I didn't spend the time dressing up. I share some stories from the past and from more recently of how I've dealt with it all. - How much SHOULD we care about our appearance? - What is an unhealthy balance and what's a good balance? - Is makeup a sin? - Do these choices affect our children? Just a few questions we try to tackle on today's episode of Moments Matter.

Brooke Sheesley, our guest and Sonja's best friend, took her daughter to college after years of raising her as a single mom and today she gets on the podcast to tell us about the experience of dropping her off at college and then coming back a few months later to realize her daughter had grown up, changed, and become someone she had get to know in a new light. Brooke talks about how she had to learn to build different foundations for their relationship. When her daughter came back home for the summer after her first year, they both had a lot to learn about what their "roles" are now as two adults. Brooke shares these experiences with amazing insight and helpful tips that will encourage other moms going through a similar season right now. FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving

As you begin the journey of empty nesting, you may find you can make yourself way too busy or you feel completely paralyzed from doing anything whatsoever. Why is that? Sonja dives into what her empty nesting process has been, what she could have done differently in the beginning, and how she's struggling now. Julia gives her some questions to think deeply about where she's at right now… what IS her purpose now… or is that the question she should be really asking? What is the purpose of an empty nester as you take on new roles? How to NOT waste your time now that it's “free” of the responsibility of having kids in your home How technology (and scrolling on the phone or watching TV) has really played a large part in Sonja's struggle

Sonja turned 50! So in honor of her birthday, Julia wanted to get real and raw by asking her 10 questions that she hadn't heard before we started recording. We have some laughs, but we also receive some pearls of wisdom from a woman who has lived through some difficult seasons and come out the other side still trusting in the Lord. Would she change even the worst of circumstances and darkest seasons? If you want to hear about family vacations, terrible car accidents, and the million different jobs Sonja had growing up in the 80s, tune in on today's episode. Hopefully we can encourage and uplift you today! FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving

It's never too early (or too late) to teach your kids the value of money. Whether they're in middle school or they're adults and living on their own, you are an example to your children about what kind of legacy you want to leave when it comes to finances. Today we discuss Sonja and Kevin's early life with very little money, how they modeled the value of money to their kids, and what practical steps they took to show their kids how to handle their own finances. Kevin and Sonja started out with less than nothing–lots of debt!–and turned their lives around to make a better life for their kids. In the process, they taught their young teenage daughters what it is like to pay for the essentials out of their own pocket (but there was a twist there–they actually didn't earn it from chores). We answer questions like whether or not your teenage should get a job, what it looked like for their kids to have their own cars by the end of high school, and what giving generously can add to your life. FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving

We all have unhealthy patterns–are we aware of them, though? No one wants to become a bitter old woman later in life, but that's not always the case. Today, we're talking about the unhealthy patterns and WHY they might be happening... and how to change them. It's not easy to let yourself be more self aware of what might be going on in the day-to-day conflict of life, but it's necessary to flourish and grow and enjoy your life (and have others enjoy you, too!). We dig deeper in the Enneagram and the Harmony Triad–are YOU a head, heart, or gut person? Find out where your unhealthy patterns start (by learning where your reactions start) on today's episode. Free Guide to the SNAP Tool: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving

Let's talk about traditional roles in marriage (and how they change in different seasons of marriage). It's a bit of a hot topic, but we should be having conversations about what a husband and wife do on a day-to-day basis to make the house run well. As empty nesters, Sonja and Kevin are reevaluating who does what chores and what roles they have, which made her realize she hasn't ever had a conversation with her girls about what we should do about traditional roles in the home. Here's what we discuss: - Why many women get that "tensed up" feeling when anyone mentions "roles" in marriage - Why this conversation of marriage roles NEEDS to happen over and over between a husband and wife - How Sonja wishes she would have talked about roles in marriage with her girls before they got married - How generational expectations can make things awkward in the first few years of marriage FREE RESOURCE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving

You can't force your kids or your teens or even your adult children to love God, but can you teach them and train them how to do love God? Sonja and Julia talk about the practical ways Julia was trained as a child and teenager to love the Lord and to read her Bible. We are not perfect and we don't know all the answers, but people ask how Sonja and Kevin raised girls that love the Lord and desire to do His will. Each of them were taught to read the Bible and to love what Scripture says, but how? We're going to try to answer that question with 5 ways Julia remembers that Sonja and Kevin trained their daughters in the way they should go. FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving