Art Cinema, Fart Cinema: A Bad Film Podcast

Cameron really, really, really wanted us to cover this Kiss movie. Who are we to deny him such a simple pleasure?

Been a while. Welcome back. In this ALL NEW SPECIAL HALLOWEEN SPECIAL episode of "Art Cinema, Fart Cinema", Simon and Cameron delve into Ang Lee's incendiary "HULK" film of 2003. HAPPY HULKOWEEN!

In this ALL NEW episode of ART CINEMA, FART CINEMA, Simon and Cameron discuss the 1981 slasher film "The Burning", which is about a murderous and disfigured summer camp caretaker who seeks bloody vengeance. This film is especially interesting because it stars George Costanza and Elastigirl in their first ever film roles. That's it! That's all you get! Enjoy!

Hello again. In this very special, hiatus-busting bonus episode of MODERN FART, Simon and Cameron discuss and review the brand-new extra chunky long-awaited Denis Villeneuve film, DUNE. Full, hard-on, wonderful ART CINEMA, FART CINEMA will be back soon! We promise!

Hello there! Here's a quick bonus episode to tide you over during our hiatus. 'Saint Maud' is a gripping and deliberate British horror film that Simon absolutely loved. Nadeem thought it was good, too! And it's in cinemas now! ART CINEMA, FART CINEMA will be back in 2021.

And here it is, the second part of our top ten best films of the 2010s! Simon and Nadeem round up the upper half of their era-defining list... hopefully number 1 will surprise and delight you! Also, this marks the end of our 'between seasons' content: we are going to go on a wee release hiatus whilst we cook up season 3 of the main show. Thanks so much for listening. We will see you in the summer!

Welcome to part 1 (of 2) of Art Cinema, Fart Cinema's best 10 films of the decade. It's a little bit late, but presented proudly here are our picks for the best films of the 2010s. Enjoy, darling. CineLit is our new, miscellaneous show, in which we discuss anything that doesn't fit into our regular programming!

In this final Goodie, Nadeem recommends 'The Witch', a 2015 sort-of horror movie. Well, it IS technically a horror film... but don't let that put you off! 'The Witch' is a movie that will creep up on you. There's maybe 1 jump-scare in the whole thing, the rest is just a bit discomforting. It is about a family in New England in the 1600s who are banished from their puritanical village. They also may or may not be cursed. Nadeem and Simon also spend an inordinate amount of time talking about 'The Lighthouse', which is a film they haven't seen. Then at the end they disappear up their own arses. Ego overload. Idiots.

Two weeks late, really sorry, here's this week's Goodie! A film produced by The Beatles' manager, 'The Holy Mountain' is a 1973 surrealist fantasy movie. Alejandro Jodorowsky directed it and wrote it. It's strange as hell. Google Image it, you will get a decent idea as to what you're letting yourself in for.

Happy New Year! May you have a wonderful 2020. This week, Nadeem recommends 'Punch-Drunk Love', the wonderful Paul Thomas Anderson-directed "art house Adam Sandler movie". One of Nadeem's all-time favourite films, 'PDL' stars Adam Sandler working at his absolute peak, playing an anxious businessman who, in the midst of meeting the woman of his dreams, has to fight off a bunch of personal demons. The film is so offbeat and dreamy and the music is amazing. I don't want to say any more about it. Please watch it!

And here it is. The last thing we release this blooming decade. Part 2 of the Christmas Special, "A Very Michael Keaton Christmas". 'Jack Frost' is a peculiar and boring and cheesy 1998 Christmas movie, starring our baby Christmas boy Michael Keaton. Big Mikey Keaty plays a rock'n'roll dad who turns into a snowman. His name is Jack Frost, so turning into a snowman really really suits him. Merry Christmas from all of us at the Art Cinema, Fart Cinema factory. Regular programming will resume in the new year, and Season 3 will start shortly after!

Sorry it's late, here's the first part of our Christmas special, "A Very Michael Keaton Christmas"! Nadeem and Simon discuss the 1992 pop culture phenomenon 'Batman Returns', a movie no-one now cares about. How strange. I thought massive event movies were ALL IMPORTANT for ALL TIME?! Merry Christmas everybody.

We saw Knives Out, the new film by Rian Johnson. But did the wee director, infamous for DESTROYING Star Wars FOREVER, manage to salvage his falling reputation with this movie? The answer's a pretty decisive yes; this is a solid little movie. Nothing to write home about, but undeniably a fun yarn to watch unfurl. A yarn, I say. Nadeem gives this film a 7/10 and Simon gives it a 6/10.

Ken Russell's 1971 historical horror-drama 'The Devils' is what Simon recommends this week. A theatrical, haphazard, horrific, and lively movie set in religious 17th-century France... another week, another satanic nightmare. The film was very controversial when it was released, being banned in a bunch of countries, or often released heavily censored. It's not for the faint-hearted. Nympho nuns!

In this week's Goodie, Nadeem recommends the 1963 classic British New Wave movie 'Billy Liar'. A really inspirational and heart warming and lovely little film, 'Billy Liar' centres around young Billy Fisher, a lad who feels stifled in his humdrum Yorkshire life. To escape from this mundane day-to-day grind, Billy fantasizes constantly, and lies a lot, and sort-of two-times two very different women. A really nice movie for anyone who ever feels like they aren't living up to their potential in life. So that's ALL OF US, I say, ALL OF US!

'Frankenhooker' is a weirdo science-fiction-fantasy-horror-comedy from 1990, directed by Frank Henenlotter. The story involves a man re-creating his dead fiance by using parts of dead prostitutes (prostitutes he has killed using exploding crack). Simon enjoys this movie because he is a sex pervert WEIRDO, but also because this is a thoroughly underrated piece of ART! ART, I say!

'Faces Places' is a charming documentary by French New Wave filmmaker Agnès Varda and French street artist JR, in which the pair go around rural France making art with locals. ...if you think this movie sounds boring, think again son! 'Faces Places' is really uplifting and life-affirming and perspective-changing, and was rightly considered among the best films of the year when it came out in 2017. If you fancy watching something a little bit different, check this out. You might cry with joy, if you are that way inclined.

Simon recommends Todd Solondz's 'Happiness', a darkly comic 1998 drama. Uncomfortable viewing, Roger Ebert referred to this film as being "certainly for adults only", and "[looking] into the abyss of human despair". It apparently has more impact if you don't know anything about it before watching... so I ain't telling you anything!

This week's Goodie sees Nadeem recommend Banksy's dynamic 2010 documentary 'Exit Through the Gift Shop'. A unique glimpse into the world of street art, as well as a meditation on what a dubious honour it is to be a commercially successful artist, this documentary weaves a peculiar, amusing yarn. What a toffy sentence. PECULIAR AMUSING YARN. OOoOoOoo! Fancy boy. The less you know about this film the better. Go watch it!

This week's Goodie sees young Simon recommend 'Carnival of Souls', a 1962 indie horror that went on to influence filmmakers like David Lynch and George A Romero. As Nadeem hasn't seen this film yet, he will simply copy and paste a handy synopsis right here: "Mary Henry (Candace Hilligoss) ends up the sole survivor of a fatal car accident through mysterious circumstances. Trying to put the incident behind her, she moves to Utah and takes a job as a church organist. But her fresh start is interrupted by visions of a fiendish man (Herk Harvey). As the visions begin to occur more frequently, Mary finds herself drawn to the deserted carnival on the outskirts of town. The strangely alluring carnival may hold the secret to her tragic past." Ooooh, exciting!

Todd Phillips' new comic book movie 'Joker' gets poo-pooed and woo-wooed. There really isn't much more to say. Simon gives this film 7 out of 10. Nadeem gives this film a 5.

In this week's episode of Goodies, Nadeem recommends 'Free Solo'. You may have heard of this movie, but have you seen it?! FREE SOLO is a 2018 documentary chronicling professional climber Alex Honnold's ascent of El Capitan. But what is El Capitan? El Capitan is a 900 metre tall rock wall, which Honnold attempts to climb WITHOUT ANY SAFETY EQUIPMENT WHATSOEVER. Intense and inspiring and honest and pretty, this movie is a total conversation starter. I really don't think I ought to say any more, just watch this blooming movie please.

It's Goodie time again, boys, and this episode Simon recommends 'Danger: Diabolik', a 1968 Italian comic book adaptation! Directed by Mario Bava and with a score by Ennio Morricone, this movie is about a criminal (called Diabolik)who carries out massive heists... and the efforts of Police Inspector Ginko in catching him. A madcap and action-packed movie that is beautifully rough around the edges. Get it watched.

The final episode of Art Cinema, Fart Cinema Season 2 is here... Sexy Shipwrecks: Part 2. It has been such a fun-filled and wondrous 20 episode run. Thank you so much for listening! In 'Sexy Shipwrecks: Part 2', Simon and Nadeem discuss what was once the biggest bad movie of all time, James Cameron's 'Titanic'. Everyone's seen it. It's exceptionally long, ambitious, trite, and enjoyable. The kind of movie Simon hates despite the sauciness. Now that season 2 is done and dusted, we will be releasing weekly Goodies, Modern Farts, and even some SUPER SPECIAL SURPRISE SHOWS, all whilst preparing season 3 for early 2020. Thanks again for tuning in!

Welcome to Art Cinema, Fart Cinema's Modern Fart... our new show in which we talk about new movies! In this terrifying second episode, Simon and Nadeem (with guest baby boy Cameron) talk about 'It Chapter Two', the sequel to the biggest horror movie of all time. A drawn-out and boring movie to some, and a horrifying pop culture event to others, 'It Chapter 2' seems to be dividing people rather nicely. The movie leans on CGI too much, has very little faith in its own scares, and is way too blooming long. We were disappointed! Simon gives this film a 4 out of 10, Cameron gives this a 3 out of 10, and Nadeem gives this a 4 too!

Madonna decided she'd embark on an acting career in the late 20th century. It failed massively. This is the crowning achievement of that failure: 'Body of Evidence', an erotic thriller from 1993 that is neither erotic nor thrilling. In 'Sexy Shipwrecks', Nadeem and Simon will discuss sexy movies that are also, literally or figuratively, total shipwrecks.

'Party Farties: Part 2' covers the dodgy 1985 cult classic 'Weird Science', in which two teenage losers design and build their perfect woman... only for her to teach them some wholesome (and mostly garbage) lessons about self-acceptance. From the maker of 'Home Alone'. Iffy, sleazy, and weird as hell, 'Weird Science' will leave you thinking 'How was this made?! How was this popular?! Am I going insane?!' The film also features a young Robert Downey Junior, who looks and acts strange, in keeping with the rest of this frigging movie.

Welcome to the first episode of Art Cinema, Fart Cinema's "Modern Fart", a totally inspired and unscheduled show in which we talk about BRAND NEW MOVIES! This episode features a 100% REAL cameo from Tarantino himself. 100% real. This Modern Fart sees Cameron the intern, Simon and Nadeem sort-of discuss Quentin Tarantino's new film 'Once Upon a Time in Hollywood'. A movie that sits a little bit more dodgy within Tarantino's filmography, 'Once Upon a Time' is slow, deliberating and unviolent (until it isn't). Overlong but nonetheless jam-packed with details and references, this is Tarantino's self-proclaimed 'memory piece'. Cameron, the normie, gives this film an 8/10. Simon, the artistic weirdo, gives this film a 9/10. Nadeem, the one who repeatedly engages in self-indulgent rambling about film history to make himself seem intellectual, gives this film a 7/10 - or an 8 on a on good day.

'Party Farties' sees us young lads discussing a party movie for young lads: the classic late-2000s comedy 'The Hangover'. Diminished in reputation since its release due to some dodgy sequels and an edgy, out-of-fashion, sense of humour, this film is nonetheless a total joy to watch. Hopefully it won't slide into fartdom.

QUEST YAWN. PART 2. LEGEND. 1985. TOM CRUISE LOOKING AND ACTING WEIRD. 'Legend' is a 1985 fantasy film by Ridley Scott that is just blooming awful. However, it is REPLETE with some seriously interesting and well-done elements as well. REPLETE, I say! Have you ever wanted to see Tom Cruise act as anything other than a tough action hero guy? Now's your chance. Ever wanted to see Tim Curry dressed up as a massive devil? It's here! Quest Yawn. Quest movies that make you yawn, honey.

QUEST YAWN - 1980s quest movies that were slept on when they came out... perhaps deservedly... Jim Henson's 'Labyrinth' is an unsung masterpiece of fart cinema, flopping when it came out in 1986 but nonetheless becoming a cult favourite in the years since. Starring the irreplaceable David Bowie as the villainous Goblin King, and Jennifer Connelly in her child star days, this movie is endlessly inventive and creepy. Simon and Nadeem discuss the finer points of this strange movie, acknowledging that it is a little weird that Simon knows a lot about it. Nadeem also keeps talking about things being 'patterned into your brain', which will annoy you now I've mentioned it.

'Babe: Pig in the City' flopped like a fat hog falling into a hotel swimming pool. Which is a shame considering it is actually oddly compelling. Simon and Nadeem discuss this weirdo cult sequel to 'Babe' in 'Babes Talk Babe: Part 2'. In the film, young piggy Babe travels to the city, gets separated from his owner, and ends up in a hotel full of talking circus animals. Bizarre. I don't have much else to say really. This film is so wacky.

1995 brought many wonderful things, but the most wonderful of all was George Miller's sleeper hit film 'Babe'. In this episode, we, two BABES, discuss this fabled film. A naive little pig is won by a farmer. The pig decides he wants to become a sheep-dog. Chaos ensues. It's true Australian kino.

Really sorry for missing our release dates - we will be back on track next week with episode 32 of the main show. So, in the meantime, have a Goodie! This week Nadeem recommends 'The Favourite', Yorgos Lanthimos' 2018 weirdo period (comedy?) drama. Olivia Coleman plays a warped version of Queen Anne, delivering an Oscar-winning performance that will make you pee laughing and also cry as well. Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone play alongside Coleman, and are similarly amazing. It's best if you don't know much about this film going in. But please watch it! It won Oscar buzz for a reason...

As we messed up the recording schedule this week, have an impromptu Goodie. 'Death Race 2000' is a science fiction sports film from good old 1975. Mad-cap and violent, this film is a cult classic, and inspired Simon to start his own car-based sport. It inspired the creation of 'Mad Max: The Road Warrior'. It was also remade in 2008, as 'Death Race', starring Jason Statham. So it goes. Thank you and sorry again my dudes.

The second part of 'Self-Medicating Rocker Boys in Trouble', in which Simon, Cameron, and Nadeem discuss 'Save the Date', an abhorrent and cringey indie rom-com from 2012. IT ISN'T ROM AND IT ISN'T COM. Starring Alison Brie and Lizzy Caplan, the movie is a blend of every rom-com cliche ever, obfuscated with arty farty stylings. It's rubbish, don't watch it.

Nadeem has his eyes opened, by Simon and beloved guest Cameron, to the world of metal band Metallica. The trio discuss 2004 rockumentary 'Metallica: Some Kind of Monster', a seriously interesting film exploring a challenging time in the band's career. Plenty of manbaby moments in this film, yes sir!

'Biggles' is a 1986 British film in which some American guy travels back in time, sporadically and against his own will, to assist a British Great War pilot called Biggles. It features some really cool stunt work but is generally a crock of poo. 80s cheese. A bad time travel movie. Dunce Upon a Time. Art Cinema, Fart Cinema.

Time travel movies are usually pretty bad, so let's talk about a couple. "Dunce Upon a Time" covers 'The Butterfly Effect', a 2004 thriller starring Ashton Kutcher. It is tasteless nonsense, convoluted in the extreme, but general audiences love it. WHY?! We do not know.

1998 brought another Hitchcock remake: the good-spirited (but ultimately pretty bad)TV movie 'Rear Window'. The film stars Christopher Reeve in his first acting role of his post-accident career, and he is blooming delightful. Delightful!

Gus Van Sant, a usually pretty decent director, decided to remake Alfred Hitchcock's classic film 'Psycho' in 1998. The result is an abhorrent piece of crap, despite being a 'shot for shot' retelling of the original. Please, please watch the original 1950 film if you haven't already. It is one of the best films ever made, we scoundrels think.

It's late, but it's finally here - the second part of 'Charles Dance (with the Devil)', in which Nadeem, Simon, and Ben talk about films featuring Charles Dance as the villain. This week's film is the 1986 schlock film 'The Golden Child' starring Eddie Murphy. Simon loves this weird detective film. I am really not too sure why.

"CHARLES DANCE (WITH THE DEVIL)" FILMS WITH CHARLES DANCE PLAYING THE VILLAIN THIS EPISODE: LAST ACTION HERO (1993), THE METACINEMATIC ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER CRAPFEST THAT FLOPPED HARD THIS EPISODE FEATURES A GUEST CALLED BEN PLEASE NOTE THERE WILL BE A DELAY OF 1 WEEK ON THE SECOND PART OF THIS EPISODE

Part 2 of 'Harry Farter and Ron Squeezely'. Episode 4 of Season 2. "THUNDERPANTS" is an independent British film from 2002, starring Rupert 'Ron Weasley' Grint. It follows Patrick Smash, a boy with a farting problem, and Alan A. Allen, a boy genius who helps him get over this bum bum problem. If you have not seen this movie, oh lawd you should! It's hilariously bad and wholesome.

Nadeem and Simon have an enlightening discussion on the 2016 sort-of-now-cult-film 'Swiss Army Man', in which Daniel Radcliffe plays a super-powered farting corpse. Directed by 2 people called Daniel, starring Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe... dan dan dan dan dan dan dan. I think that's all there is to say. It's a very strange film. This episode is the first part of 'Harry Farter and Ron Squeezely', in which we talk about fart-themed films starring the Harry Potter lads.

Season 2, Episode 2... also episode 21 overall... or 34ish if you count the Goodies I suppose... oh boy. The old farts take a look at 'Grease 2', the abysmal sequel to the 1970s classic that your maw loves. A terrible terrible terrible movie in every respect, 'Grease 2' launched the career of Michelle Pfeiffer, unfortunately. GREAT JOB HOLLYWOOD. Enjoy babies.

Welcome to Season 2 of Art Cinema Fart Cinema. We are so happy you have joined us, once again, for another outing into the world of awful cinema. This week, 'Irrefutably Beautiful High School Musicals' takes us into the ANNALS of the Disney Channel's 'High School Musical' franchise. Rocking the world over for a solid three years, this infamous series of films cemented the legacy of Zac Efron, the world's sexiest man. Ever. Simon would like to wish you a happy listening experience. Nadeem would as well. Thank you and enjoy season 2!

'The Ballad of Buster Scruggs' is the new film by the Coen brothers, exclusively streaming on Netflix. We are not paid by Netflix! Sorry! This is the only way you will see this film! Nadeem umms and ahhs his way through a description of this movie, which is a western anthology, made up of 6 quirky/heartbreaking/funny/dark parts. Nadeem tries his best not to spoil anything. You should just watch this movie and be done with it. It's really good! It has a cast of HUNDREDS, including Liam Neeson, James Franco, Tom Waits, Brendan Gleeson, and the guy who plays Dudley in Harry Potter. This is the final Goodie before the start of the second season, which will surprise drop on April the 10th! (lol)

In the eleventh Goodie, Simon recommends the David Cronenberg-directed cult classic 'Videodrome'. A reality bending grisly body horror science fiction surrealist movie from the early 1980s. A movie that inspires the exhaustive use of adjectives. It's very Simon.

Holy Motors, 2012. A surreal French film that needs to be seen to be believed. Perhaps it is best to leave the description at that... enjoy!

Simon recommends HBO's 2016 documentary 'Mapplethorpe: Look at the Pictures' this week, a documentary about controversial 20th century photographer Robert Mapplethorpe. A look at a unique and fascinating artistic character, this wee documentary is Simon's spaghetti bolognese movie. He watches it whenever he has spaghetti bolognese, which is roughly once every 3 years. Obviously he eats it more sometimes. The 3 years is just an average. Enjoy!