Closing Time Podcast

We have a long discussion about Queerness and outing culture. We discuss our own personal experiences as well as the histories we are aware of from decades gone by. Then we ask the eternal question. Is Republican senator Lindsey Graham from South Carolina gay? This comes up while discussing the merits of outing in a system where closeted republicans who have the wealth and privilege to vote against the rights that LGBTQ people without their wealth and privilege need. MOVIE TIME!!! We review WW84 and John Wick and fold in some GoT critiques while acknowledging that Elijah a GoT superfan isn't with us on this episode. The John Wick discussion reveals Darien and Alexander's love of realistic weapon reloading in cinema. Then we sadly get to Theon Greyjoy and Reek, and violence toward people and animals in film and TV. Chris discusses the porous boundaries of his cohosts in regard to their desire to avoid political discussions on the podcast as he gently slips into a discussion attempt around Trump's appearance and speech at CPAC. This leads to a side discussion about big tech, and antitrust action which eventually leads to another big question of our time. What has been the effect of the proliferation of the Internet and Social Media on humanity. We discuss the Echo Chambers we create as well as our exposure to them. Darien Is studying the BIBLE...well actually some gnostic texts...good stuff to read. Read everything you can. The more you know.... We discuss the phenomenon of older men seeing or marrying younger women and the ins and outs of all that. We give long gratitudes because goddamn we are grateful. Chris then reveals that he implants nightmares into Chris Mortoenson's mind via suggextion including a rather horrific one about a WASP KING. THE WASP KING!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Darien discusses a kidney ailment which leads to a discussion of the movie hereditary. We discuss the AIDS crisis in the eighties. Chris regales with his deep desire to do sketch comedy and describes a sketch involving a commemorative plate commemorating the sinking of a fictional small boat called the "Grab 'em by the Pussy" Elijah! Elijah! Elijah! Elijah calls in and discusses SWAMP COW. He tells us a ghost story and adventures in door dashing included buying Vibrators at a store and then delivering them at an Econolodge. We discuss the Texas power outage, Jewish Space Lasers, and weighted blankets. Elijah Is the county man! He delights with his knowledge of various counties around the regions he or Chris have lived. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

We take a deep dive on Swingers clubs and parties in NYC and AVL. Chris discusses his experiences and yearning for the swinger's clubs and parties that existed pre-pandemic. It's a wild ride through the logistics of how they work and such. No he doesn't talk about sex in swinger's clubs or parties...just how they are set up. Qris takes us briefly down to his Special report from the Qanon Quorner and discusses a letter left by a Qustomer who is Qrazy for Qanon and Qava! Darien and Alexander Discuss their skills and experiences with Phrenology. It's a real headache...head scratcher? You get the Idea. Chris Discusses NYC in his drinking days and his love of late night romps through the Latin restaurants that were open til 6 AM serving food and drink and dancing to Bachata and Meringue which leads to his love of drunkenly walking over bridges and his love for said bridges which leads to a mention of Asheville's favorite haunted bridge. Darien decides she'd like to see NYC and travel in general which leads to a discussion about covid restrictions and how some of them don't make any sense from a disease prevention standpoint. We do a pretty deep dive on sobriety and treatment programs as well as cooking shows and cooking at home vs cooking for work. Chris discusses his brief stint as a chef in his own speak easy restaurant, "Hotdogs for Hipsters." We all agree that all hipsters believe they aren't hipsters. Alexander has Goth Eyes and a Goth heart or possibly hearts. Chris proclaims he is a wood DILF. To receive Closed Captioning for this episode simply close your eyes and the captions will appear! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

It is rare that we get a special treat in this world....yet HERE IT IS! THE LOST EPISODE!!! Many Bothans died to get this mysteriously lost episode to us. Originally recorded in the fall of 2020 this is quite a snapshot of where we were at days after the vice presidential debate. Remember the fly on Pence's hair? (His hair kept the microchips in). Remember this was a time when Trump was still a piece of shit president instead of a piece of shit citizen waiting to be arrested in Florida as he is now. We create a new version of too many cooks in the kitchen called too many bears in the kitchen. We discuss James Franco and make enemies there. we discuss Dr Strangelove, Planet of the Apes and fatty corpuscles (not Fatty Arbuckle) Xander discusses the magic of wonder bread and eating your shirt and dirt, and the other things that led him to being in the "special class" behind the school. We admit that sailor moon is Voltron for queer kids and discuss misreading the country time lemonade can. There's also Bathroom and other anti-trans bills and the Republican/Trumpian strategy of distraction while Jeff Bezos accumulates wealth at a rate so enormous, Chris can't make sense of it. Sometimes there are no adult teeth behind the baby teeth and finally, Darian discusses suicide as an act of going out in a revolutionary blaze of glory!!!! The LOST EPISODE: Episode 17 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Well hey baby, Where you been? We've been here. Workin'. Playin'. Livin'. Transitions. Always so many transitions. Waiting for the sweet embrace of death to take us home, into the nothingness. We talk about stuff. We're funny and vulnerable little bebes taking our time and space in the world. There is horror and we laugh and cry in the face of it. Enjoy the show!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Chris Starts the show by reading a poem(?) about the Qanon disintegration and the sad people who still believe deeply in it as becomes exceedingly apparent and more obvious that the entire Qanon/Trump endeavor was nothing more than a grift and a lie. Chris discusses an interaction with a bot on Tinder and then Alexander and Darien help Chris by reading his Tinder profile and advising him on its effectiveness via HARSH JUDGMENT. We discuss the allure of hotels and motels as well as the sage wisdom dispensed by the check in clerks at said motels. We discuss nitrates and nitrites in food as well as the chemical taste in many former childhood favorites due to a complete shift in either our taste buds as adults who try to eat healthier or a shift in the way said foods are made. We then do a mental tour of weird or crappy food chains. AND BUFFETS!!! Oh...We then return to the poem at the beginning aboiuit the Qanon folk inm our lives and discuss the idea of extending the hand of compassion to them while still holding firm on our boundaries about reality and what is acceptable. A deeply touching (and hilarious) episode. Enjoy. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

We discuss an unfortunate incident in which Elijah accidently (we think it was on purpose) hits a brave veteran with some very powerful rocket. He apologizes profusely. Still. Chris waxes poetic on The Wonderwheel, a large Ferris wheel on Coney Island, NYC, as well as the possibility of running a chain of COVID safe restaurants at various Ferris wheels around the country. Darien's Smells is BACK!!! What IS in her sniffer?!?! And finally, we say the long dreaded goodbyes to Elijah who moves across the country to the Seattle Washington area during the show. (not really) We pay respects to a brother in arms that we are losing in a sense, though he will be back on via satellite feed. We Laugh. We Cry. It's better than CATS. (The musical) (It's an old joke) (ask your parents, or your real parent, Google) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Ray comes by the studio as we chat about Green Day and the origins of pop punk. We then move on to Nirvana and the countless rockstars that have died and how those deaths affected us. We discuss the disappointment of the end of Game of Thrones as well as the disturbing season with all the rape. We move on to a bit of Star Wars, tom cruise as the white Last Samurai and end on the autoerotic asphyxiator, David Carradine who apparently liked to wink at moms. Chris attempts to push the narrative that the Kill Bill movies are a sequel to Kung Fu. We discuss music lessons where Elijah reveals he's been playing guitar for 20 years, making him four when he started. He then accuses Chris' son of having ADD or ADHD. He doesn't. Ray opens up about his parents becoming EXTREMELY religious when he was 14, including burning his D&D books, while growing up on a dairy farm in South Carolina that the Government took away because of unpaid taxes. Ray And Eli discuss fixing brakes. Shants, a shirt worn as pants allowing the genitals to get some air, make their triumphant comeback and we may or may not be doing whippets again. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

President Trump reveals he supports and endorsed the street assassination of an Antifa member accused of murder without trial in a speech in Georgia. We discuss drugs from the good old days that we miss or missed out on. You be the judge. Elijah regales us with his harrowing tale of staying in a freezing Airbnb that was a converted school bus with no plumbing and no heat on a PIG FARM!!!! Elijah then regales us some more with a harrowing tale about the couple having sex and fighting in the adjoining motel room he stayed in on the last night of his thanksgiving trip to see his family in Alamance County, NC. Anytown, USA. Apparently, Ashely and David, the couple in question had some heated fun, then had a heated argument in which David demanded that Ashely leave her long term boyfriend, that we name Chester, for David because they have sex real good. Darien, Elijah, Alexander and Chris all flex their accent work something fierce. A good time will be had. Join us! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Chris delves into his paternal family history including some door to door sales techniques that most would find questionable. Chris then discusses his uncle who was some sort of leadership member of a religion (or cult depending on who you ask) called eckankar. we discuss the false piety of religious people who do good not because they are good people but because they are scared to go to hell. We discuss the deep intricacies of what it is to be a Furry!! We also discuss early internet chat rooms and games that turned out to be recruiting spots for the Furry scene. Finally, we answer the question on everybody's mind. How many kernels of corn do we eat in a day? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

We Discuss Lord of the Rings and Chris reveals that he hasn't actually read the books. He cheated by doing the audiobook. We discuss tire repair, and all things tires...Well, some things tires. We then get into philosophy and dreams including sharing some dreams. We make jokes and laugh and you will too!!!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

But seriously, would you? If they were hot? If they were hot in a way that really speaks to you? Speaking of psychos, did you hear that the second Impeachment trial against Donald J Trump has begun? Yeah we don't talk about that here but we talk politics, drugs, sexy times and many other things during this episode. We are immensely grateful for all you listeners out there. Thank you!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

(The Kidney, More Foreskin, Death and Funerals) I smell Whipped cream, but different. Is there something in the air? We talk about organ donation, Green Funerals and the unnatural horrors of the American funeral business in general. We talk about our post death wishes and more. We have an informed discussion about organ donation and transplants as well as make an impassioned plea! We got more of that foreskin talk y'all love so much. And then, after months of doing the show, we have...DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!......Our first live on air to tape call in to the show. All in all some highly altering discussion. Oh yeah, we may be experimenting with inhaling things! Dig in and whip it up! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

The crew does a deep dive on deep sea delectables. We discuss Underwear, Urinal Splashback and other first world problems. Elijah Flexes on his knowledge of marine life while Alexander flexes his knowledge of the kitchen as a chef. Chris tells stupid jokes, offends some people and tries to make everything political. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Tim and Barclay stop by and hang with us after we close the bar. The Closing Time crew discuss QAnon and a certain customer who may or may not wear a QAnon trucker hat on a daily basis. The phenomenon of Q has divided families and the nation and we try to make sense of it all...where there is none to be had. We discuss the ins and outs of getting a colonic. Alexander walks us through the process while Chris demands that we get a sponsorship from the establishment. Hoping we can have a field trip to the hydrotherapy spot that we cover on the air! We celebrate Tim's 29th spin around the sun!! Yay Timmy! You made it to almost thirty. We spend a good amount of time telling embarrassing masturbation stories and discussing circumcision including a fairly unfortunate tale of an attempted self circumcision!!! Yikes! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Chris talks about how special he is because he knows a little science. He explains that he thinks he's better than everybody because he thinks he's smarter. Then discusses skepticism and Tom Scott videos. He does or does not shit on Alexander's parade. Some of the cast eats hot peppers. Chris discusses techniques learned in his couple's therapy called UPLEVEL, including guided vents and resolutions. He then begs shamelessly for a sponsorship from UPLEVEL's creator. We discuss Polyamory and the allure of Cheating and Secrets. A good safe and sexy time is had by all!! Alexander enthralls us all with tale of a magical evening with a violinist he goes absolutely "Bananas" for! Oh...The ELECTION IS COMING!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Cranking!! Our new Hit country Song is Pre Debuted here. We write it live for you and it was a joy. The song describes someone who is lonesome and has taken to masturbation while crying. We discuss the pre-election jitters as well as Red Pill and the sexual dynamics between men and women. Brandy stops by and Tom sits in for a bit. Finally, Chris takes responsibility for his overt Sexuality when he speaks at times and even takes responsibility for making people uncomfortable. A very special episode indeed. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

We are joined by guests, Chris Mortenson, Delaney Storm Brown and in house Film Maker Peter Leonard. We discuss the curse of being in one of his YouTube movies, as well as chat with the latest victim of the curse, Chris Mortenson who appeared in our most recent video, "The Squeezer" only to proceed to get into a bicycle accident, nearly crippling him for life. He discusses his struggles with health and addiction, especially during the pandemic. Alexander takes us through the mysterious world of raw meat eating and HIGH MEAT eating. We discuss the super SPIRITUAL CRYSTAL CAVE, hidden under Pack Square, in the center of downtown Asheville, North Carolina. We discuss the lies parents tell their children.....and actual child abuse. "Hilarious and life changing" - The ghost of Gene Siskel "Their best yet." - The embers of my dying relationship. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Come and Knock on OUR DOOR! Ray joins us to discuss Hair Metal (including the tragic tale of Jani Lane), Dance Church, and Smelly Hippies. Elijah makes the huge announcement that he's moving to Washington state, but NOT LEAVING THE SHOW!!!!! Darien refutes their massive Electra complex. We discuss some blood type based dating apps as well as the cult Alexander plans to possibly start. We do a deep dive on the Kava truck and SWAMP COW!!! A true Laugh Orgy....Oh, we also talk about our friend that died, Corey Tipton. He was too young and we miss the shit out of him. We use his chair that his parents donated to the bar after his death to podcast and we really do miss him everyday. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Is ASMR your thing? Is ASMR like cilantro? Do you love it or does it taste like soap? Peter performs some Shakespeare for us and we are HONORED. We then trade off accents until it is revealed that Chris is one Leonard brother's FAVORITE BARTENDER. Elijah shares some wackjob Christian comics that personally insult most of the Asheville, North Carolina population. And All Those Delightful Fungi!!!!!!!!! Plus Delany and Keegen stop in. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

We deep dive on the horror that was the first Presidential debate of 2020 between Joe Biden and Donald Trump. Aside from the horror and hypocrisy exhibited by mostly one of the candidates, Chris interleaves many history lessons and mean spirited anti-Republican jokes.... And the BIG EVENT!!!! The Inaugural Episode of the NEW game show sweeping the Nation (and parts of Europe), Darien's Smells, where Darien smells different items and describes them and the rest of us try to guess what the Item is!!! Netflix keeps calling!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Brandy and Keely Join us for a wild ride through dental health issues, Conspiracy theories and the great Trader Joe's Incident of 2020. Join our frenetically paced hijinks and story spewing. "A GUARENTEED LAUGH RIOT" - Somebody --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Caleb Beissert stops by to give us the ins and outs of the Poetry Open Mic. Darien opens up about her Catholicism. We discuss Birth and Death as well as the protective paternal instinct and so muchmore.............With Jokes!!!! And Awkward MOMENTS!!!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Chris discusses his fear that he is having many strokes during the day because he smells toast constantly. The term "O Face" offends Alexander deeply. Darien discusses her father's attempted assault on her knee. Elijah reads his bad Yelp! reviews.... AND SO MUCH MORE!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

We jump to a more recent recording to discuss current events, the breaking of our shop window by Middleton, Delaware's finest citizens, and other topical events like the everyday horror that surrounds and binds us on this crazy ride we are on. We talk about jail. We talk politics. We talk about how precious voting is. We talk about "America's Toughest Sheriff," convicted and later pardoned by "Living Dumpster Fire," former President Donald J Trump, who is himself currently serving a life.....Oh wait, Americans and Democrats and Republicans who claim to have a conscience (SO FEW) have no back bone to do the right thing. Well, Get out and VOTE y'all. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Peter joins us for a dive into first date movies and troubling television. We discuss Fast Food Options and Silly things. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy. Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker have established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth. The evil lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space.... And in an unknown section of the galaxy, four brave Podcasters traverse the Star Wars Galaxy, Mukbang videos, buying fetish gear on Wish.com and the Real Doll scene. Join us for a trip down memory lane, a diversion through Asian shopping and ASMR vids with your Hilarious Hosts, Alexander, Chris, Darien,  and Elijah. Collect all our Kenner brand Action Figures!!!!!!!!  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Keely guests as we discuss Lame customer interactions, police brutality, a specific customer or two, and all that SEXY STUFF we like to talk about...LIKE WE DO. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

We Speed through a variety of topics including the end of Government Unemployment Assistance and The Cognitive Dissonance on the poltical Right. Chris also acts like an animal and Keegan Drops off weird Pastries with Guava and Cheese. Chris thinks they're Disgusting. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

We have Keegan on to discuss Adderall, Homeschooling, the SATs and Homelessness amid the service industry. Join us down a Hilarious and dark journey through the belly of the homeschooloing and homeless service work communities. Do A Rail with us!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message

Our Maiden Voyage!!! We Talk Smack about customers, Discuss politics, Penis size and the various joys of being servers at the end of a shift. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/closing-time-podcast/message