Mr. Nixon's Words of Wisdom

My granddaughter is a middle schooler having just entered eighth-grade. She is very athletic and focused her talents on dance for many years, but last year she discovered volleyball. I was thrilled personally because I can now go and watch her play. But it also started me thinking about the importance of team sports for our young people. In volleyball , you need someone to dig out the opponents' serves, a setter to put the ball in just the right place so the outside player can finish off the play. If one of these players doesn't do their job, it puts real strain on the whole team.There is something incredibly healthy about being part of a team. A player is not on the court for her own glory, she is there to help the team succeed. This is a model that carries over into other facets of life. We are responsible for how our actions affect those around us. Each person must put the interests of the team ahead of her own individual needs. That's how it works in team sports. That's how it works in life.Team sports can also have some downsides. Good sportsmanship can be sacrificed for winning at all costs. Pressure from overly competitive families can rob athletes of the fun of competing. As far as deciding how important winning should be, I know two things for sure. One, winning is not everything and two, losing is not the end of the world. Somewhere in between those two extremes lies an acceptable level of importance that you must find for yourself. Whether you are athletic or not, you will still have the chance to be a part of a team in school and beyond. It is a great way to raise the quality of your life. Enjoy it!

I have had many students ask me the same question over the years: “Why do we have to take a foreign language?” Said a different way, they ask, “Why doesn't everyone just learn English?” My answer is always the same: “Je ne comprends pas,” or, “no comprendo,” or “Ich verstehe nicht.” In other words, I don't understand you, and if you don't understand me, we're going nowhere.This is foreign language week at Churchville-Chili Junior High School. This is the week where we recognize how important it is to understand one another. Language begins that process, but it doesn't ensure it. Think about the times you've misunderstood a friend, a parent or a teacher, and they're all speaking English. Speaking and understanding a language just gives you a chance to be on the same wavelength as another person.Besides making understanding easier, learning another person's language is a statement of great respect. You are saying that the other person is so important that you are willing to work really hard to try and understand him or her.Not only that, learning another language, learning about another culture and discovering another part of the world is fun. So, “Bon voyage,” or “Buen viaje!” Enjoy your journey.

The inauguration of President Obama has been dominating news coverage and rightfully so. It represents an historic milestone for our country. I was watching coverage of the morning after prayer service. The first woman to ever give the sermon at that event, the Reverend Sharon Jackson, spoke about a Cherokee story, which I thought I would share with you. It goes like this.A young man is confiding in his Grandfather that he sometimes treats his friends harshly and sometimes kindly. He did not understand why.His Grandfather said, “When I was your age…I felt like there were two Wolves fighting inside of me…one was mean and ornery, rebellious and committed to all things negative. The other was kind and gentle, respected nature and all living things, and always did what was best.” The grandfather continued, “These Wolves are still with me now; in fact, they live in each one of us.”The young man asked, “Which wolf will win in the end?”The Grandfather said, “The one you feed”.Sometimes it is really confusing when we are torn between doing the right thing and giving in to our negative side. Understand that those two sides of us will always exist, but the one we let out the most, the one we feed, will become the most dominant part of our personality.It's interesting that Reverend Jackson chose to tell the new President this story. President Obama, just like you, will face daily challenges to his values. He will be called on, just like you, to treat people well or poorly. He will go forward every day, just like you, to decide whether to feed his kind and gentle wolf or to let out the negative ornery wolf. I hope he, just like you, will feed the right wolf.

One of the most popular words in education and in psychology is self-esteem. Sometimes I hesitate to use it because it is used so often. But, the truth is that self esteem is the most important goal we can have for ourselves, our friends and our family members. Lots of good things happen if we are feeling good about ourselves. The opposite is also true. We can send waves of destruction based on our own negative self perception.We will make many choices today about how we will act. Each will raise or lower our self esteem. Take the time to notice how you are feeling after you act. If you feel better about yourself after you do it, the action increased your self esteem. If you feel like you want to crawl into a hole, you have lowered your self-worth.Rochester's Frederick Douglass said,“I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.”In other words, your value is determined ultimately by you. A friend of mine told me the other day that the thing she regrets the most about her youth is that she gave away her own value to the opinions of other people. She said she let them determine, in her own mind, her worth as a person. Now, she says, she doesn't allow anyone to decide how she feels about herself.The bottom line is: do estimable acts and you will have good self esteem.

The last week or two, with their heavy rains and warmer breezes have truly reminded us that winter is gone and spring is gaining on us every day. I thought it would be nice to see what people have said over the years about the magic of Spring. Thomas Tusser wrote the now immortal words in 1557:Sweet April showersDo spring May flowers.In 1852, Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote:In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.T. S. Elliot wrote in 1922:April is the cruelest month, breedingLilacs out of the dead land, mixingMemory and desire, stirringDull roots with spring rain.e. e. cummings wrote in 1923:in Just—spring when the world is mud—luscious the littlelame balloonmanwhistles far and weeand,Robert Frost, the wonderful American poet wrote in 1936:The sun was warm but the wind was chill.You know how it is with an April dayWhen the sun is out and the wind is still,You're one month on in the middle of May.But if you so much as dare to speak,A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,A wind comes off a frozen peak,And you're two months back in the middle of March. Enjoy the process of early spring and know that soon enough we'll be baking in the summer sun.

March is Women's History Month in the United States. The celebration was begun with the National Women's History Project in 1980. This year 14 outstanding American women are being honored for their contribution to this country and the world. I think back to 1972, when a woman named Helen Reddy recorded a song that became an anthem for the women's movement. It was called simply, “I am Woman.” At the time, I remember thinking, “Wow, that song really captures the spirit of the new American woman.” Now, 35 years later, I say, “Yeah?”The fact is, women have made enormous strides since that song came out. They haven't completely achieved equal pay for equal work, but they are on their way. Women represent more than half the future doctors and lawyers entering graduate school. They represent way more than half of the freshman entering college. A woman was just named the President of Harvard University. Here in Rochester, a woman is the CEO of Xerox. Did I mention that the leading candidate for the Democratic Presidential nomination is a woman? The fact is, in the education field, one of the hot issues now is how to keep our boys from being left behind in school.When National Women's History Month was established back in 1980, it made sense to set aside one month for the women, but if things keep going the way they're going, it wouldn't surprise me at all, in 10 or 20 years, to have July declared National Men's History Month. The rest of the year will belong to the women.

I remember when I was the age of my students, my father's parents came to live with us for a period of time. I remember asking my grandfather how he was doing. He used to say to me, “I've got my health and when you've got your health you've got just about everything.”It's funny. Now I know what he meant. As you get older the number of things that can go wrong increases and the importance of being healthy gets larger every day.When you're a student, your parents take care of you. When you're sick, your folks get you to the doctor so you can get on your way and back to health. Many adults here at school are taking care of their parents. The ailments vary from an inability to get around to a loss of the sense of who they are. In some cases, disease takes its toll on those growing older as well.I mentioned last week how important it is to be good and kind to other people. Those are habits you can learn when you're 12, but they are skills that you will carry forward throughout your life. You may be asked at some point to help with another person, a friend or a relative, and, if you've gotten used to it at a young age, you'll be able to be there for them. Caring young people become caring adults. Start today by helping others.

Many of us are afraid of change. We assume that even if things aren't exactly perfect now, they can always get worse. Remy Charlip wrote a children's book called, “Fortunately.” Here's how it starts:“Fortunately, Ned was invited to a surprise party. Unfortunately, the party was a thousand miles away. Fortunately, a friend loaned Ned an airplane. Unfortunately, the motor exploded. Fortunately, there was a parachute in the airplane. Unfortunately, there was a hole in the parachute.”The story goes on and on. The point of the story, besides being funny, is that it is hard to tell sometimes what's a good change and what's a bad change. All we can really do is confront the changes we are faced with and make the best of them.Cuban-French author Anais Nin writes, “We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." She adds about herself, “There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”Remember, the only constant in the world is change. Try not to be afraid of it.

For those of you feeling hopeless today, I'm going to read a short poem. I don't know who wrote it, but I like the message.It was just a tiny speck of lightalmost swallowed by the nightit had almost given up the fightthe darkness was all it could seeIn the distance suddenly it seemedwas a sight the light could not have dreamedanother speck sparked and glowed and gleamedthe light thought "it's just like me."So the tiny speck beamed strong and proudthrough the dark that hovered like a shroudsoon enough, it drew a crowdof small lights sea to sea.The lights were overjoyed and soonthey joined together bright as noonas incandescent as the moonfrom darkness they were freeThe moral of this story seemsto be the stuff of childish dreamsfrom tiny specks to brilliant beamsimpossible you sayBut here today it seems to meeach soul whose yearning to be freeglows silent in their hearts can seethere is only one wayAnd if you want to change the fateof a people twisted blind by hateand fear and doubt, its not too latebut there is no time to mopeIts easy all you have to dois take your speck of light, its trueand join with thousands just like youto light the dark with Hope

As middle school students you are beginning the most important battle of your life, a battle that will literally last for the rest of your life. You should not expect to fight the battle perfectly, but you need to spot when you're off the trail and get back on. I am talking about the battle for control of your value.First, let me tell each of you that you are of tremendous value. You have your own set of skills. You can love others and you are lovable. The trick for you, and for all of us, is to keep in touch with that value, to behave in a way that raises your own value and to avoid actions that diminish your value in your own eyes. What are some right ways and wrong ways to approach the battle? Here are some right ways—embrace a life style that makes you feel like a good person. If you love music, develop your musical abilities. If you love words, read and write and express your ideas in a way that makes you happy. If you love to exercise, take every opportunity to use your body constructively. If you feel a sense of spiritual purpose, do everything you can to develop a relationship with your higher power.Do not give away your value to anyone or anything. Do not let the opinions of others dictate how you feel about yourself. I know this runs counter to what you've been told--that adults have all the answers, but your value lies inside of you and you are in charge of how you feel about yourself. Finally, don't give your value away to drugs and alcohol. As soon as you start letting foreign substances make decisions on how you behave, you end up the big loser.I hope you'll fight the good fight for your own value. I know for sure that you're worth it.

From time to time I think about what we're doing here at Churchville-Chili Junior High School, no not just seeing our buddies, but learning how to live. Pablo Picasso said it well, “I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” Learning is so much about taking chances, risking looking dumb in front of your friends, family or strangers. Cynthia Heimel, in her "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics," writes, “When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.” “Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.” said Frederick B. Wilcox. Wayne Gretzky noted, “You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.” An unknown author wrote, “Many great ideas have been lost because the people who had them could not stand being laughed at.”Julia Sorel, Rosalyn Drexler's character in See How She Runs, says, “If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.” It will be scary sometimes, taking chances, but once you get used to it, you'll understand you were made to try new things.John A Shedd got it right when he said, “A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are for.”

I read a very interesting and moving article in Saturday's Democrat and Chronicle. It was on the front page and told the story of a man and a woman, he 51, she 48, who had not had any contact in nearly 34 years. Their last meeting was a near tragic one, in the rain on Chestnut Ridge Road in Chili. The young man, Peter Cafarelli was 17, and had borrowed the family car to go to the Greece Hockey rink. Anita LaRoque, 14 at the time, was struck by Cafarelli's vehicle, causing permanent physical damage.What is striking to me about the story is the aftermath. Anita LaRoque, now a Hilton resident, took the time to find and contact Cafrarelli and to ask him to meet her and her family. In the D & C article, its author, Mark Hare states, “Now, nearly 34 years after that night, his (Cafarelli's) burden has been lifted—or at least eased. Forgiveness is a tonic for the soul.”Fortunately, not all of us will have such a big burden to carry, be we all will violate other people and we will need their forgiveness. We can't make anyone forgive us for doing thoughtless or cruel acts. Remember, though, what a gift we can give by forgiving others. If you take a step like Anita LaRoque, and forgive the person who has wronged you, you'll find out what a great gift you've given yourself.

I feel very fortunate to speak with you twice a week and to share some of the values that I consider to be important to living a happy life. Yesterday, I heard a story that moved me deeply. It was written by Mary Ann Bird from her memoir, “The Whisper Test.” It was about her experience as a little girl. She was born with a cleft palate that affected her upper lip and the roof of her mouth. Her family was loving and supportive, but trouble started when she entered school and started being teased by the other students.Each year, in those days, students had their hearing tested in what seems to us now as a primitive manner. The student would stand next to the door while the teacher whispered a sentence to determine if the student could hear clearly. Mary Ann's hearing was not good. In fact, she had almost no hearing in one ear. She dreaded the test, but her second grade teacher changed her life with the seven words she asked her to identify. Normally, teachers would say something like, “The sky is blue,” or “It's dark at night.” But, Mrs. Taylor, a loving and caring woman, didn't say those words. Instead, she said, “I wish you were my little girl.”You have an opportunity to do a loving act or say loving words to the people in your life. It costs so little to make these choices, but it can change so much.

Yesterday was Memorial Day in the United States. It's the day when we remember, honor and thank the service men and women who have given their lives to preserve our way of life. Like many, I went to a Memorial Day Parade and watched as a sample of Americana walked by in front of me and the rest of the onlookers. There were bands from fire companies, high schools, towns and special musical organizations. There was town equipment which symbolized the public service provided year round. There were elected officials, boy scouts, girl scouts and brownies.Watching the parade got me thinking about what my Memorial Day Parade would look like. In other words, what is it about the American way of life that I would show in a parade that makes it worth fighting and even dying for?What would your Memorial Day parade look like? Would your family be in it? How about your friends? Perhaps your teammates would accompany you down the street. Those of you who celebrate your life with dance or song could entertain the crowd as you move through the course. The question I would ask you is, “What are you free to do that allows you to be you because you live in Churchville-Chili, Monroe County, N.Y., in the United States of America?” Figure that out and you'll know what your personal Memorial Day Parade would look like.

The first quarter of the school year is history. No efforts of yours can change the results. If you did well, you can take a moment to reflect on a job well done. If you're like some of my students, you'll come around to see me today and say, “What can I do for extra credit?” Sorry, that book is closed.Here's the good news—you have a second chance, second quarter. That's a nice thing about life. You almost always have a second chance. Living your life as a student or as an adult is about trying things out, learning what works and what doesn't and trying again. The secret is to learn from your mistakes and your successes. If you fall short of your goal, don't beat yourself up so badly that you're afraid to make another mistake. Trying is the important part. If you show up for life every day and just put in some effort, you'll succeed sometimes. If you don't make it, you can try again. That's what I intend to do.

I want to take a couple of minutes this morning to talk about what I've learned by running for Monroe County Legislature these past 9 months. For those of you who don't know, I ran in the 10th district of Pittsford and East Rochester, the area where I live. I didn't win. I lost by 9% points to my opponent, a 9 year veteran and majority leader.It was an amazing experience. I met thousands of people as I went door to door in my district. I listened to people's complaints, dreams and hopes. I spoke French to a few people. I even met a dog named “Nixon,” a poodle whom I met personally when his owner learned who I was. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of work. It had a lot of highs as I felt our momentum growing the final days of the campaign. It had one big low Tuesday night when my daughter gave me the bad news as she read off the numbers from the internet.I have had a day to reflect on the experience. I'm glad I did it. I might do it again. In my life, I have the opportunity to turn only one thing around overnight—myself. Society as a whole, my family, my friends, all of those take time. They turn around when they're ready to turn around. In my race, as in so many other things in life, it is not the result that matters, it is the process. It is the journey, not the destination. I have learned more from my disappointments in life than I have from my successes. That doesn't mean I would mind more successes.Finally, the thing that I have learned that has meant the most to me is that I am loved by way more people than I deserve. For me, it is difficult sometimes to let that love in and to realize that it is sincere, but when I do feel it, it is possible for me to turn around and love others the same way. It seems to me the great religions of the world have been built on that truth. Thank you for your love and your support, and consider running for something when you're able.

Happy New Year and welcome back to Churchville-Chili Junior High School! The big question is how many times will you write the date as 2005 before you get used to it being a new year? I hate to say it, but when I dated this message, I wrote 2005. Oh well.The beginning of the New Year is a traditional time to make New Year's Resolutions. The hardest thing about Resolutions is that most of them, if not carefully selected, go by the boards in a week or two. Therefore, I am here to tell you that you need to make New Year's resolutions that you can keep, and the only way to do that is to decide to do something that you really want to do, but have been putting it off for just the right moment.Short-term, one-time jobs like cleaning your room are good resolution material. They are doable and they make you feel like you've accomplished something when you're done. Plus, it's nicer to live in a neat room than in a dump.Resolutions that lead to long-term benefits, but are fun to do in the short run, are also excellent New Year's resolutions. For example, you can decide to read a book a week for the month of January. You will expand your mind and you may decide at the end of the month that a book a week in February sounds like a great idea, too.I believe that by making resolutions, we are reminding ourselves of how good we can really be if we just try. Today, take some time to come up with a New Year's resolution that you can actually do and that makes you feel good about yourself. 2006 is a long year, and you'll have many chances to grow, but you might as well start now. Good luck in having a happier 2006.

Today is the first day of February which means it's the first day of Black History Month. It began in 1976 to commemorate the achievements of African-Americans down through history, but it also provides a door which can open between the races, to begin the dialogue on what unites all of us and what provides our unique heritages.When it comes to race relations, it has been said that, “We don't know what we don't know.” In other words, we don't even know where to start when we want to reach out to people of a different race. Black History Month gives us some concrete knowledge of the Black experience in America. When we hear the stories of Harriet Tubman, of Muhammad Ali, of Dr. Martin Luther King and of President Barack Obama, it is easy for each of us, regardless of race, to appreciate and identify with these individuals.Learning historical facts is an important first step in improving race relations at Churchville-Chili. However, it is just the beginning. We must realize that, we not only “don't know what we don't know,” what we do know may not be right, so it is vital to have an open mind when approaching challenging situations dealing with race. Getting to know and like other people, however different on the surface, is not impossible. In fact, it can be fun. Keep an open mind and learn what you can during and after Black History Month.

Thursday is Thanksgiving, which I must say is one of my favorite holidays. There isn't the pressure to buy the perfect present that there is for some other holidays. Really, all I have to do is show up for dinner and behave myself with my wife's relatives. That's not the reason I like Thanksgiving. I like it because it forces me to take a step back and review the many blessings I have to be thankful for.Let me share a few of the things I am thankful for. On the top of the list is my wife to whom I have been married for 39 years. Those years have been filled with great joy and difficult challenges. To use a favorite word of mine, we have persevered and I am eternally grateful for that.As a result of my marriage, I am blessed to have five grandchildren, age 10, 8, 6, 4 and 15 months. Four of them were at the house yesterday dressed in Brett Favre jerseys watching the Minnesota Viking football game.I feel very lucky to be teaching at Churchville-Chili Middle School. I landed here 12 years ago after a long-time career in radio and I have thoroughly enjoyed my students, my colleagues and even my bosses. I also feel very fortunate to be able to deliver these messages twice a week. It has allowed me to get to know many students who are not in my classroom. It has allowed me to pass along the values I was given by my parents whom I will thank this Thursday even though they are no longer with me.We all have much to be thankful for. Chances are good the ones you'll think of on Thursday will have to do with other people—your friends, your family, maybe even your teachers. Whoever they are, take time to be thankful for them on this important holiday.

Last Friday I talked about the historic scene that took place in Grant Park, Chicago the previous Tuesday night. If you had been alive, and in attendance at the Palace of Versailles on November 11th, 1918, you would have been a part of another historic moment. Leaders from around the world gathered outside of Paris to sign the armistice that ended the deadliest war in the history of the world. Literally millions of soldiers died on both side of the conflict. It was hoped that the absolute slaughter of humankind would prevent the waging of another war. It was not to be. In just about 20 years another world-wide conflict broke out with millions more sacrificed.We do take something from that day in 1918. The armistice, signed at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, is the point at which we stop to remember our fallen soldiers, sailors and marines. We don't have school tomorrow, and I hope you'll stop to thank those who have died in all the wars that America has fought. Since 1900, we have lost men, and in some cases women, in World War I, World War II, The Korean War, The Vietnam War, The First Gulf War, The War in Afghanistan and the Iraqi War. The last two continue as I speak.I hope that none of you will be put in a position to wage war and potentially sacrifice your life for the rest of us. I'd like to think that the world is going in the right direction, but until we reach that destination, we'll continue to remember and thank those who have laid down their lives to protect our way of life.

There's no school on Monday, and the first reaction is to wake up at the normal time, cheer, roll over and go back to sleep. That sounds good t me, too, but before you do that realize what Monday is all about. It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day and it honors one of the truly remarkable leaders in American history.Martin Luther King Sr. was a minister and his son Martin grew up firmly planted in the Southern Baptist tradition. But, it would be wrong to say that Martin Luther King Jr. had no doubts about his faith and his world view. He was challenged early and often and never more so than when his life and the lives of his family came under fire. Martin Luther King Jr. chose to stand up to oppression knowing that his courage might cost him his life. Ultimately, it did, but not before he made an incredible impact on the people of the United States, black and white. Martin Luther King Jr. told us that he had seen the promised land, that he might not make it there with us, but he knew the promise was there.The promise is still there and we still haven't reached the promised land. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the contentof their character" We haven't gotten there yet, but Dr. King's dream lives on."From every mountainside, let freedom ring, and when this happens . . . when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, 'Free at last. Thank God Almighty. We are free at last.”

Starting Monday, you'll begin to see displays on and around teachers' doors telling you what book they are currently reading and what book is their all-time favorite. On my door, you'll see my favorite book, “Contact” by Carl Sagan. I was led to this book by the Jodie Foster movie of the same name. It is a wonderful book. It is fiction with a solid base in science and speculation. Great books have the power to transport us and change the way we view the world. “Contact” did that for me.Its main character is a scientist named Ellie Arroway. Her primary purpose in life is to locate life on other planets and she sets up a giant array of antennas searching for messages from outer space. Few believe in what she is trying to do, but she continues on. One night, her faith is rewarded. “Evening, Willie, Steve. Let's see the data. Good…Now, let's see if there's any nearby star in that field of view. Oh my, we're looking at Vega. That's a pretty near neighbor.”The story progresses in a wonderful, unpredictable way and concludes with one of the most remarkable endings of any book I've ever read. Needless to say, I won't tell you what it is.Reading books is wonderful. We'll be celebrating reading during the month of January. You'll be able to share your favorite books with your friends and teachers. I'll be excited to find out what you think is interesting. Books touch us. In Ellie Arroway's case, she is touched by her long deceased father. “And now here he was—not a dream or a ghost but flesh and blood, or close enough. He had called to her from the stars and she had come.”Enjoy your reading.

Welcome back! We are now officially on the home stretch of our school year. This is the fourth quarter and you still have time to finish strong and to feel good about your school year. I hope you had a good spring break whether you went away or stayed at home. I did a bit of both with a visit to see my grand- daughter Sidney in North Carolina as well as time to just hang out here in Rochester.One thing I like to do during breaks is to watch movies and this time I got the chance to see one of my favorite “coming of age” movies from 1985. It's called, “The Breakfast Club,” and it launched the careers of many famous actors. It is the story of 5 teenagers thrown together to serve Saturday detention with a hostile school principal. The five know each other but are all from different cliques. One is an athlete, another an airhead, a third a basket case, a fourth a criminal and the fifth a nerd.During the 9 hours of detention, the students go from hating each other to distrusting each other, to opening up to each other, to finally worrying that when the day is over they'll go back to behaving the way they did when they first walked in the room. In one of the most telling conversations at the end of the film, one of the girls says to the other, “Why are you being so nice to me?” The other's answer is, “Because you're letting me.”We have so many chances to let people into our lives every day. I'm not suggesting that you let in everyone, but I am urging you to be willing to trust, to be willing to let people be nice to you. You will find that you are capable of having many different kinds of friends and with each you will add to the richness of your world.

My wife and I were out for a walk yesterday, enjoying the beautiful spring weather. A couple of brothers rode by on their bikes. I'd say they were probably 12 and 10 year olds. About 20 feet past us the younger one stopped and took off his helmet. His older brother yelled, “Put your helmet back on.” The younger answered, “No, I don't need it.” The older brother hesitated for only a second before saying, “I'm telling.” The younger brother put his helmet back on.This story exemplifies the decision making process that we use throughout our lives. An adult form of this debate is, “Do I go 65 on the highway because it's safer to go that speed or because if I go faster I might get a ticket from a state trooper. Or, do I decide to go 80 anyway figuring nothing can happen to me?In the most recent issue of Time Magazine, an article examines the way the teenage brain works. The study concludes that the part of the brain that is the latest to form is that which decides, “I'll do this because it's the right thing to do.” The same study states that the best form of discipline for teenagers provides them with clear immediate consequences to their actions. In other words, “I'm telling,” does get results with teenagers. The hope is that we will all get better at making decisions for the right reasons, not just to avoid ending up in trouble.

This is Red Ribbon Week at Churchville-Chili Middle School. This is the week when we stop and consider the consequences of using drugs and alcohol and the benefits of not using them. I talked last week about how quickly young brains and bodies can become addicted to these substances. If you believed everything I said, you should be convinced to live a drug-free life. The problem is that many young people think they know more than I do, that I'm just trying to scare you and one little rush can't do any harm. Here's why you're wrong.There's a chemical in your brain that sets your pleasure centers dancing. It is released when you stare at a sunset or when you go out for a run or when you have a nice conversation with friends. It is also released when you do drugs. The problem is that it is released in massive quantities by drugs. It causes what is called a rush and it calls on the body to do it again and again. The same level of rush requires more and more of the substance and it becomes increasingly likely that you'll take in more drugs than your body can stand and you'll overdose.Even if you're lucky and you don't o.d., you will make it practically impossible to enjoy those sunsets, runs and conversations that used to give you pleasure. Subtle pleasures will bore you compared to the rush induced by drugs.I hope you'll take my words today seriously. If you don't, I hope the consequences you face are manageable. I want each of you to live your life drug-free and to the fullest.

There's no school on Monday, and the first reaction is to wake up at the normal time, cheer, roll over and go back to sleep. That sounds good t me, too, but before you do that realize what Monday is all about. It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day and it honors one of the truly remarkable leaders in American history.Martin Luther King Sr. was a minister and his son Martin grew up firmly planted in the Southern Baptist tradition. But, it would be wrong to say that Martin Luther King Jr. had no doubts about his faith and his world view. He was challenged early and often and never more so than when his life and the lives of his family came under fire. Martin Luther King Jr. chose to stand up to oppression knowing that his courage might cost him his life. Ultimately, it did, but not before he made an incredible impact on the people of the United States, black and white. Martin Luther King Jr. told us that he had seen the promised land, that he might not make it there with us, but he knew the promise was there.The promise is still there and we still haven't reached the promised land. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the contentof their character" We haven't gotten there yet, but Dr. King's dream lives on."From every mountainside, let freedom ring, and when this happens . . . when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, 'Free at last. Thank God Almighty. We are free at last.”

I think Aretha Franklin said it best when she said:“R-E-S-P-E-C-TFind out what it means to meR-E-S-P-E-C-TTake care, TCBOh (sock it to me, sock it to me,Sock it to me, sock it to me)A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me,Sock it to me, sock it to me)”Actually I never really understand most of that except I like the respect part.Respect is what all successful relationships are built on. I'm not just talking about romantic relationshipsalthough it's true of them too. I'm talking about friendships, business relationships, parent-childrelationships and school relationships. Most of the time in school the knowledge flows in mainly onedirection, from teacher to student, but respect mist flow equally in both directions.Respect is built on that magic word empathy---putting yourself in another's place---and when it's gone,it's painfully obvious. You need look no further than the brawl which ended the Indiana/Detroit NBAgame last Friday, and the melee which ended the South Carolina/Clemson football game on Saturday.Both represented a total lack of self-respect, respect for the opposing team and respect for the game.One of my students shared how she had stood up for another student because she was not beingrespected. I applauded her and I urge you to respect yourself, your friends, your teachers and even thepeople you don't like. Respect holds us together.

There are a few things in life that are inevitable: getting older, getting a job and conflict.Sorry to say, there is no way to avoid conflict. Just when you think things are on an eventrack, someone will get in your face and bang…conflict. No matter your age, you have adeveloped a way to deal or not to deal with conflict.My two children could not have been any more different in their ways of dealing withconflict. My son would argue until both of us were blue in the face. My daughter wouldgo up and hide under her bed. It's funny, because they still have the same basic modelsthat they use for dealing with conflict even though they are now 33 and 29 years oldrespectively.I'm going to tell you that the model you developed to survive as an eight year old is notnecessarily the best one to serve you as an adult. I also want to say that fear of conflict isgreatly overrated. Conflict resolution can be a freeing and empowering experience. Youjust have to remember a couple things. Winning a conflict is not the most importantthing. Listening to opposing views and expressing your views clearly are the mostimportant things. Giving respect to someone you differ with will always pay off in thefuture. It may even pay off during the conflict.Next time you are in a conflict, and that could come soon, be respectful, be honest and beresponsible for what you say. That way everyone will win.

Have you ever felt really lost?I remember, as a boy, I visited my grandfather's farm in southern Minnesota. The cornwas tall, and I was warned not to go out into the fields; but I went anyway. I gothopelessly lost and soon I began to panic. I yelled for help. Nothing. I ran this way andthat and succeeded only in getting more lost. Finally, I heard the voice of my fathercalling my name. I followed his voice and I was safe.Have you ever felt really lost?On a trip to France, as an adult, I took a late night walk on the back roads of Brittany. Igot disoriented and could see nothing but black. Again, I felt the panic rise in me until Isaw, off in the distance, a light. I headed for it, lost it again briefly, but kept going until Iwas safe.Have you ever felt really lost?A friend shared with me that when she was in college she took an overdose of pills. Shewoke up in the emergency room staring into the face of a nurse. She asked the nurse,“Haven't you ever felt this way?” The nurse nodded slightly and said, “yes, I have.”What if there had been no voice? What if there had been no light? What if there hadbeen no face?I am here to tell you that there is always a voice; but we must be willing to listen for it.There is always a light; but we must look in unexpected directions to see it. There isalways a face; but it may belong to a stranger.We will miss our friend. She was a talented, bright, artistic spirit. We are all diminishedby her loss; but realize that we are all voices, all lights and all faces for someone else. Beconfident that your love and spirit can make a difference for the people that you touch.Be there for them.

Often this year I have quoted Fred Rogers from the book, “The World According to Mr.Rogers.” It is a small book full of the warmth and intelligence that were such a part ofMr. Rogers' life. This past weekend, the man who played Mr. McFeely was in Rochesterat the Strong Museum. His name is David Newell and he states easily how much hemisses his friend.A report in Thursday's Democrat and Chronicle quotes Newell as saying it isn't theyoungest fans that miss Mr. Rogers the most, it's the adults. He says, “I think what theyrealize is that we won't get another like him. The tears are really a tribute to Fred. And Imiss him dreadfully.”We are sending our ninth graders off to a new building, but there are two who are notgoing to make the trip, and we miss them dreadfully. Brian Scipioni and Matt Gnage losttheir lives while they were in our junior high family. Truly there will never be anyonelike either of those two young men. We will remember them.There are no television shows that live on with Brian or Matt. There are no books ofhelpful wisdom. They didn't get to that point in their lives. But, they lived long enoughto touch our lives. Let's remember how precious each of us is to our friends, our familiesand to our school. Today, value each other.

Because of Thanksgiving on Thursday, this is the shortest school week of the year. That,in and of itself, is something to be thankful for, but all of us have a lot more seriousthings we can be grateful for.Here's my short list. My long list would take us into second block. I'm thankful for myfriends and family, for the people that I love and that love me. I'm thankful for the goodhealth that enables me to come to school every day. I'm thankful for my brain that letsme think and for my heart that lets me feel. I am thankful for my second chance in lifethat has given me the chance to teach and to make a difference in people's lives.Whether you connect Thanksgiving to a higher power or not, the day is still a greatopportunity to look at your life and realize how many positives there are. I've heard itsaid that a positive life begins with an attitude of gratitude. Every day you have theopportunity to choose your attitude and that's probably the greatest gift of all.

Today's words of wisdom were suggested by one of my study halls. The subject came upwhen I complimented one of the students on what she had done. She, like many people,shrugged off the compliment and wanted me to believe that she bore no special gift andhad done nothing outstanding, certainly nothing worth being singled out for. Herreaction was not unique. I have reacted exactly the same way in my life many timesthinking I was being modest, and, after all, modestly is a good thing, right?Accepting a sincere compliment is a difficult thing to learn how to do. What do you dowhen someone gives you a heartfelt compliment? It is so easy to shrug it off or minimizeit, but if you can honestly hear a compliment and let it in, it is one of the most nurturingexperiences of your life. Self-esteem means feeling good about yourself, and it would benice if we all had a self-esteem generator cranking out good stuff about ourselves 24/7.Unfortunately, it's just as likely that we're producing self-doubt, maybe even self-loathing along with the good stuff. So, being able to let positive opinions of others intous really makes life a lot easier.I was brought up to believe that believing a compliment about myself was a sign ofconceit, but that's not true. Being able to believe that someone really likes andappreciates me makes life a whole lot more fun to live. Next time someone complimentsyou, say, “Thanks,” and realize what a good person you really are.

One of my students gave me a really funny and interesting book a week ago. It's called“Kid's Little Treasure Book on Families.” The subject of all the quotations in the book isfamily and the authors of the quotes are kids from 7 to 16 years old. I thought I'd sharesome of their thoughts. You might recognize some that sound familiar.Meghann, age 13, tells us, “When your mother is mad and asks, ‘do I look stupid?' it'sbest not to answer.”Angela, age 9, says “I shouldn't ask my dad what a word means unless I want to look itup in the dictionary.”Matthew, age 12, tells us “If you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.”Kimberly, age 8, says, “I love it when my mom brushes my hair and tells me storiesabout what she did when she was my age.”Brett, age 13, says, “It's impossible to win an argument with an eleven-year-old sister.”Nicole, age 13, tells us,” If you're going on your first date, beware that your dad willfingerprint and take mug shots of your boyfriend.”Annette, age 10, says, “My dad would rather be lost for hours than stop and ask fordirections.”Cheryl, age 10, has good advice when she says, “When you get a bad grade in school,show it to your mom when she's on the phone.”And, finally, Neely, age 13, tells us, “If mom's not happy, nobody's happy.”I would add: families are great things to laugh at.

As a teacher I often think, “If only I could reach this student or that.” I think, “if only Icould touch that part of him or her that will really get him or her interested in learning.”Sometimes it can be a frustrating search, but other times, the answer is so close I have totry to hard miss it.Cat Stevens wrote and sang a song back in the 70's called, “The Wind.” It contains thislyric, “I let the music take me where my heart wants to go.” That is the best answer I'veheard for my teacher's dilemma. Every person, every student, has a place where theirheart wants to go. For some, it is music. Ask Mrs. Hartzler-Baker. For others, it's art.Mrs. Grocki-Bareham or Mrs. Kline can identify some of these students. For others it'sliterature or poetry. All of our great ELA teachers know who these students are.The point is this; you probably know what takes you “where your heart wants to go.”The goal for all of us as teachers and students is to connect with what works for eachperson and to help it work in our whole life, in school and beyond school. I remember asa teenager my athletics took me where my heart wanted to go. I know many students inmy classes who are like that today.It would certainly be nice if we could all work together to reach that part of us thattouches our deepest feelings. Can you imagine how rewarding school would be if ourexperience every day led us where our heart wants to go.

Spring fever has officially set in at Churchville-Chili Junior High School. That has bothits good and its bad sides. The good is that people generally have more energy in thespring; more daylight seems to transform into higher moods. The bad news is all of theabove—more energy and higher moods. For some reason, those characteristics often leadto behavior that makes learning a little harder.I had a student ask me to talk about one of the things she is seeing more of thisspring—what she called “instigating.” According to her, that means spreading rumors forthe purpose of causing trouble for someone else. Instigating, defined as provoking orinciting, is a good word, because it cuts through the myth that telling stories aboutsomeone else is harmless or neutral in intent. Spreading rumors is almost always aimedat causing harm, destroying a reputation, or dishonestly improving the teller's socialstanding.Stopping instigating is easy if you are aware of what you're doing and you have thecourage to stand up for what's right. You will have many choices in this short week ofschool to do the next right thing or the next wrong one. The Hippocratic Oath for doctorssays, “Do No Harm.” I would hope you could agree to that as well.

On March 2, 1980, President Jimmy Carter declared the first National Women's History Week. This year,we are celebrating 30 years of that recognition. Of course now, and as of 1987, the entire month ofMarch is set aside to celebrate the extraordinary contribution of women to our society. President Carternoted in his address:"From the first settlers who came to our shores, from the first American Indian families who befriendedthem, men and women have worked together to build this nation. Too often the women were unsungand sometimes their contributions went unnoticed. But the achievements, leadership, courage, strengthand love of the women who built America was as vital as that of the men whose names we know so well.The theme of this year's Women's History Month is, “Writing Women Back into History.” Choose anarea of importance and women are at or near the top of influential people. For example, women arevery well represented as authors. You can probably name some female authors of books you've readlike J. K. Rowling, Stephenie Meyer, Alice Sebold, and Jodi Picoult. Classsic female authors include LouisaMay Alcott, Jane Austen, Willa Cather and Virginia Woolf.If you are a girl or a woman and you are thinking about becoming an author, you have lots of great rolemodels to choose from. Spend some time with the books and authors you love and try writing fromyour own viewpoint. Thirty years from now your name might be held up to middle school students as agreat example of a woman who has contributed tremendously to our society.

On December 13, 2002, an eighth grade student at Churchville-Chili Middle School, Brian Scipioni, diedunexpectedly of meningitis. I was asked to prepare and read to an emergency staff meeting, andminutes later to the school community, a message of condolence and hope. The message I put togetherbegan a nearly nine year record of twice-weekly “Words of Wisdom,” which I wrote and delivered to ourschool community. Many of my messages are assembled on this website as well as new messages whichI hope will help you navigate this really difficult time. Here is the original script from December 16,2002—as relevant today as it was then. Mr. Nixon

I like birthdays. In a world where people want to point out what separates us, it's nice toremember the thing we all have in common—we were all born. When I began teaching, Imade it a habit of telling my students about the birth stories of my children. Having beenthere for the birth of both my kids, I can tell the stories in a lot of detail. Yesterday, infact, was the birthday of my oldest, my son Erik who turned 34. Erik was born 11 weekspremature at a time when preemies were not all that common, but today he stands 6 foot4, weighs somewhere near 270 and has four children of his own.It's fun to find out how we came into the world. Sometimes the way we start sets thetone for the rest of our lives. Some people believe a tranquil birth environment promotesserenity later in life. Some people believe that a baby who has to fight for his or herplace in the world will carry that fighting spirit into adulthood. If you feel comfortablewith the idea, ask someone who can tell you about your birth.I encourage you to get in touch with your roots and to realize that building on what wehave in common, like being born onto planet Earth, will lead to a lot happier place for usall of us to live our lives.

Are you a person who can be counted on? Is your answer, yes, no or sometimes? It's areally important quality to be reliable, to be able to be counted on. It means that if yourfriends are asked what kind of person you are, they'll be able to say something positive.Write down a description of yourself. Here are some opposites you might wrestle with:honest or dishonest, responsible or irresponsible, supportive or selfish, reliable orunreliable. I hope the first words describe you more than the second.You will always have many true friends if you say what you mean and honor your word.Can you always do that? No, of course not, but you should always strive to. It's ofteneasier to give a person the answer she wants to hear rather than being honest up front.For example, you might tell your teacher that you'll come in for extra help after school,making her happy for the moment, and then you just don't show up. Or, you may make acommitment to do something but then you decide you've gotten a better offer and youdon't bother living up to your word.The problem is that people start to think about you in a negative way, just because youdidn't do what you said you were going to do. It doesn't take too long to shift people'sperceptions from the positives to the negatives: dishonest, irresponsible, selfish andunreliable. Then, you have to work really hard to win your friends back and to become agood friend to yourself again.

I remember a joke that asks, “How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?”The answer: “Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.” Change is a funnything. Many people are more afraid of change than they are of staying where they areeven if that place is really bad. Really, the only thing you can change is yourself, buteven that is too much to think about sometimes. Here's a bit of advice that might make iteasier for you to make changes in yourself that seem particularly hard. Act “as if.”There are lots of examples in pop culture of the people acting, “as if.” For example theHoliday Inn Express ads feature people doing things they are totally unqualified to dobecause they spent the night before in a Holiday Inn Express. The Leonardo DiCapriomovie, “Catch Me If You Can,” features a real life young man who pretends to be anairline pilot, a doctor and a lawyer. The point is not that I want you to try and deceivepeople, but that acting, “as if,” helps you to break old patterns that might be holding youback from reaching your full potential.In school, there are lots of examples of how acting, “as if,” can help you succeed. Doinghomework, preparing for tests, or showing what you know in front of a class all give youchances to act as if you are confident in your abilities. The funny thing is, the more youact, “as if,” the more likely you are to really become what you want to become. Tryacting “as if”. I think you'll be surprised what you can do.

Denise Marie Santiago is a columnist for the Democrat and Chronicle. Last Friday, shefeatured Kevin Jennings, who is coming to speak Wednesday at the Strong Museum. Theoccasion and subject of his talk will be, national “No Name-Calling Week,” which hisgroup began in 2004. It is joined by the local Community Task Force on BullyingPrevention of Monroe County.Strong Museum's Susan Trien believes that the serious topic of bullying goes well withtheir museum centered on play. She says, “Bullying and name-calling make for anunhealthy environment not conducive to either play or learning.” Jennings points out thata 2005 report found that 65 percent of students surveyed reported being harassed orassaulted because of, “their perceived or actual appearance, gender, sexual orientation,gender expression, race/ethnicity disability or religion.”Bullying, like other negative behavior goes away when it is brought into the light of day.A bully gets power because his or her actions are kept secret. When those acts areexposed, the bully's power is diminished and the right of all of us to live our lives inpeace is restored.Don't be afraid to talk about bullying or name calling. Stand up for others. Don't takepart in acts of bullying yourself. If you get a chance, head to the Strong Museum thisWednesday at 7 PM to hear Kevin Jennings share his ideas and the ideas of kids allaround the country that have faced the challenges of dealing with bullies.

It's nice to have a three day week to start out the school year because the change in schedule fromsummer takes some adjustment. By next weekend, you'll probably feel like you've been back in schoolforever.Speaking of summer, I saw a movie this summer from a few years ago. It starred Jennifer Garner and itwas called, “13 Going On 30.” My son-in-law called it a “chick flick,” but its lessons are appropriate forgirls and boys. Here's the gist of the movie: a 13 year old girl, through the help of magic wishingpowder, is given a glimpse of what her life will be like when she's 30. Slowly, she realizes she hasbecome a not very nice person. She is selfish, dishonest and immoral. Things simply are not going towork out the way she wants them to in her future.It turns out that she started down the wrong path with a bad decision as a 13 year old. This beingHollywood, she gets the chance to make it right in her real life and there is a happy ending. The pointI'm making is that if we took the time to think about where our choices would lead us in the future, wewould be a lot more careful in making them now. In the movie, the lead character valued the opinion ofthe “cool girls” way too much. That gave her the false compass of popularity which lead her astray.Take the time to see what is driving your choices and make sure you're really choosing to be the personyou want to be now an in the future.