Podcast appearances and mentions of Randy J Paterson

David & Mike discuss the satirical self-help book How to Be Miserable by Randy J. Paterson and share the dysfunctional skills they are particularly good at.

David & Mike discuss the satirical self-help book How to Be Miserable by Randy J. Paterson and share the dysfunctional skills they are particularly good at.

One of my friends had their birthday this week and that got me thinking about one of my favourite subjects lately; adult friendships. This coincided with me listening to a really insightful compilation of ideas about adult friendships on Blinkist called Finding and Nurturing Adult Friendships. So while my mind's on this, let's talk about friendships. Psychologist Marisa Franco, author of “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends”, gave a Ted Talk in which she made a point that really stuck with me: The thing that's particularly difficult about adult friendships is that, unlike in childhood, it doesn't happen organically. It takes effort. We're not used to this because our entire friendship paradigm is modelled around how we did it as kids. When you're an adult, there are no occasions that create organic communities for you, you have to make that happen yourself by prioritising it. When you were a child, you had to go to school every day, and many things at school would force you to interact with other people, from group projects to sports and everything in between. As an adult, you can live completely disconnected from others. Sure many of us have to go to work, but you don't have to talk to anyone at work and even if you do there's no incentive or obligation to befriend anyone. Since I've already shared a great guide and book on how to make and nurture friendships, I want to close the loop with the guide to losing all your friends. Then, equipped with all the knowledge, you'll be better at making your own choices. What if you were tired of all the friendships you have and you want to know how to lose friends instead? But you want to be so clinical about it that people choose to leave you of their own accord. The following is a non-exhaustive guide to driving everyone away. Sidenote: With it being the end of February when most of us are falling off our new year's resolutions, I don't want to give you yet another difficult thing to do. Unlike many other how-to guides out there, you'll find that you have to put very little effort into being good at many of these points. In fact, you're probably already quite proficient at some of them. Anyway, here's how to make everyone you know and love slowly drift away from you. 1 Talk only about yourself. The first thing you need to do is develop a strong tendency to steer any conversation back to the topic of yourself. This shouldn't be too difficult, you have lots of topics to choose from; what do you have going on in your life? Your dreams and aspirations? What are you excited about? What's something terrible that happened to you last week? Why waste any time talking about anything else when you have all this about yourself you can talk to people about? Get used to the idea of getting into monologues about yourself. If you're really proficient, you'll even master the art of steering every discussion topic to eventually be about you. Now that will really make talking to you an agonising experience. If the other person is not talking about you, then don't pay attention to what they are saying. Use that time to think about the next thing you'll say about yourself. If you're listening do it only to spot cues where you can jump in with an interesting segue to the time when the same thing happened to you. When your friend is telling you about something going on in their life? Never miss the opportunity to bring up a relatable situation that happened to you and focus on that. Don't ask them questions either—unless they're about you. Always be the one who answers questions. Do not, under any circumstances, give people the impression that you are interested in them or what they have going on.2 Spill the tea on other people. I know, I know. You obviously can't talk about yourself the whole time, even you won't enjoy that. So take breaks from it by talking about mutual friends and acquaintances. Not in the way you talk about yourself though. No! That would ruin your progress. When you talk about other people, be sure to focus only on their most negative qualities. Never miss a chance to voice your dissatisfaction and disapproval of their behaviour, their life choices, their fashion sense, etc. you get the idea. When you know something wrong that someone did, spill the tea, even if it's none of your business. The key here is to make it clear to everyone that you're not someone who roots for people who don't deserve it, according to your standard. Then make sure to set that standard impossibly high. Bonus points if you can do this while clarifying that you're highlighting their negatives because you want to see them do and be better. You want to be known as someone who's critical and generally disapproving of the people around you and you aren't afraid to voice it. 3 Don't be helpful. Never extend your hand to help another person. Don't waste your time lending a hand to those in need. Your own problems should always take precedence, and you should avoid contributing to your community of friends at all costs. Make sure to dodge any responsibility or labour, and let others do the heavy lifting while you take the credit. Keep your talents to yourself and never share them with others. Imagine you're at a party and the music suddenly stops because there's something wrong with the computer. As the resident computer expert, everyone turns to you for help. Don't be a hero - refuse their pleas and watch the party spiral into chaos. After all, you're not a plaything to be used and abused by those around you.4 Be a pessimistIf you want to be the life of the party, make sure to bring your dark cloud of pessimism with you. It's the perfect accessory to make everyone around you feel like they're drowning in a sea of negativity.When your friend is telling you about their promotion, don't celebrate with them. Instead, remind them that there's always a chance they'll get fired. When your sister is excited about her new haircut, make sure to tell her how much better she looked before. And when your co-worker presents a new idea, shoot it down immediately and tell them all the ways it could fail.Pessimism is like a gift that keeps on giving. It's the ultimate buzzkill that ensures that everyone around you is constantly reminded of all the things that could go wrong. So the next time you're at a party, be sure to remind everyone that the world is a terrible place, and there's no hope for humanity.And don't forget to add a healthy dose of complaining to your pessimism. Nothing says "I'm a joy to be around" like constantly whining about the temperature, the traffic, and the sorry state of your back.Always find something to complain about. Call yourself a realist, even though in reality you're a pessimist. 5 Be closed-minded Be confident in your beliefs and don't be swayed by others' opinions.Now that you have a strong dose of pessimism, assume that whatever information you have at the present moment is the gold standard. It's better than whatever anyone else has been told. If someone tries to share their perspective on life with you, be default against it, even before you know what it is. It's not what you think, so it's probably wrong. Whenever it turns out that you were right about something, make sure to make everyone know that you were right and they were wrong and they should listen to you next time. Assume that because you read it in a book or heard it on the news, then it must be true. Never create a space for dialogue. Don't talk about the nuances of a situation, but stay fixated on the negatives. Don't let anyone influence you. Hold on with an iron grip on whatever you believe in right now and guard it with your life. 6 Forget humility - you're the best, and everyone should know it.Maintain a constant facade that you are blameless and perfect. Refuse to acknowledge any potential shortcomings or mistakes, and instead focus solely on promoting your own virtues and talents. Allow your ego to consume you and bask in the glory of your own greatness.Never look at a situation objectively and be blissfully unaware of your flaws. If you do find some flaws, hide them at all costs. You can't let anyone realise that you're not the most perfect human being. A great way to demonstrate to people that they can never get close to you is to never show any kind of weakness or vulnerability. This will help you to not be relatable whatsoever, again a perfect human being. Then after that, all you have to do to keep it up, with reference to point number one, is to always build yourself up and talk very highly about yourself. And be very snappy and defensive immediately when anyone calls your perfection into question. Remember, modesty is overrated. Confidence is key, and you are the shining example of perfection that everyone should aspire to be.Just as important as maintaining the perfection of your character is maintaining the perfection of your work. If you made something it's the exemplar. If anyone criticises it, they're wrong! No matter how valid or constructive their criticism is, if it's directed at you it's wrong. You're the one who criticises. 7 Be flakyDon't be someone that people can rely on. Keep people guessing about whether you'll show up or not. A great way to develop this reputation is to always say yes when people invite you to things and reassure them you'll be there, then cancel at the last minute possible. It is important that you're seen as someone who is always busy or overwhelmed and who is constantly plagued by unexpected obligations. So always have an excuse handy. You want to be the guy that always has something that comes up at the last second. Bonus points for the most creative excuses. If you keep this up long enough, people will call you less and less until eventually, they leave you alone. You'll grow distant from them—you're not a pleasant person to be around anyway—and eventually, you won't have any friends. Perfect! 8 Taking initiative is overrated.Now that no one calls you anymore, we need to tie up the final loose end. Always wait around for people to come up with plans and things to invite you to. Never come up with your own ideas, never have your own things going on and never invite anyone to anything. Since you're already a pretty unpleasant human and a bad friend, no one's going to invite you to anything anyway. Couple this with number seven well enough and people will eventually get the impression that you don't want to spend time with them and they will move on to other people. If you were just tired of having a thriving social life and you wanted everyone to just leave you alone and slowly drift away for the rest of your life. Then at this point my friend, you're at the top of the mountain!If you want more ideas on how to be miserable, check out Randy J. Paterson's book “How To Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use” and Joey Schweitzer's YouTube channel where most of these ideas were derived. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit justreflections.bhekani.com

Today medical doctor Alexandra Stockwell talks about compromise and how it impacts intimacy and passion. Over her lengthy marriage and raising four children, she's learned a lot about intimacy. Today we're going to talk about what compromises do and why sometimes compromises aren't the best solution. Please see the show notes for a link to The Assertiveness Workbook by Dr. Randy J. Paterson. You can also see http:/alexandrastockwell.com/desires (for courses) or podcast (for podcast) Enjoy! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Today medical doctor Alexandra Stockwell talks about compromise and how it impacts intimacy and passion. Over her lengthy marriage and raising four children, she's learned a lot about intimacy. Today we're going to talk about what compromises do and why sometimes compromises aren't the best solution. Please see the show notes for a link to The Assertiveness Workbook by Dr. Randy J. Paterson. You can also see http:/alexandrastockwell.com/desires (for courses) or podcast (for podcast) Enjoy! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message

Randy J. Paterson, PhD, author of How to be Miserable, joins us to talk about depression and low mood. Paterson is a psychologist and director of Changeways Clinic—a private psychotherapy service—in Vancouver, BC, Canada. He is also author of How to be Miserable in Your Twenties, The Assertiveness Workbook, and Your Depression Map; and coauthor of the free online Antidepressant Skills Workbook. Visit our website at www.newharbinger.com and use coupon code 'Podcast25' to receive 25% off your entire order. Buy the Book: New Harbinger - https://bit.ly/3jBhYIr Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626254060/ Barnes & Noble - https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/1122294024 IndieBound - https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781626254060

There are many books out there about how to be happy. But happiness is quite elusive. So what if you had a different goal. What if, instead of being happy, you wanted to maximise your misery. Surely, pursuing misery must be much simpler, right? Well, if that's what you think then you're completely correct. It turns out the road to misery is the smoother one. No crazy curves, no thorns, no uphill and no bumps.Misery is not out of reach for even the most fortunate of us. It's an equal opportunity servant. Like playing tennis or juggling, misery is a skill set that can be honed and perfected. And today, if you want to be unhappy we know how to do it. We have the technology and we have perfected the art. In this article, I will teach you some strategies to become less happy. You may discover that you have already mastered many of them and practice them regularly. Regardless, you can always get better…or worse I guess. So, sit back my friends. Let me show you how to become the saddest saddo to ever do it.1. Avoid all exerciseTypically, in these how-to lists, we start with minor points and build up gradually to the more powerful ones at the end. On this list, I'm starting with the best. If you're only willing to try one thing, then take this one and it will get you there. Remain indoors as much as possible, preferably in one room, and be inert and unmoving. You don't want to let a beautiful day tempt you for a walk so close all your windows and curtains and use artificial light only. Avoid anything even vaguely related to exercise. This will keep any reward chemicals related to exercise out of your brain. Stillness will also guide you nicely to medical problems which will keep you in bed meaning even less movement. It's a vicious cycle. Sedentary people are more miserable and miserable people are more sedentary. This is a very potent strategy, so maximize it. Avoid exercising religiously! Make your bedroom your all room. Live, work, play, eat and sleep in the smallest space possible. And if you have to get out, drive everywhere you go, even if it would be faster to walk. 2. Mess with your sleepThe second big ally you have in the journey to misery is insomnia. Its mere presence will be unpleasant but it will also ruin your productivity. This is good because productivity might make you happy. Make sure that you never get into a regular sleep cycle. Vary your bedtime and your wake times at least twice a week (more is even better). Sleep in late, preferably very late, on some but not all days. Tell yourself you're making up for your sleep deprivation and sleep for long hours in the afternoon as well. You will feel terrible when you wake up early and when you wake up late. Irregular sleep is another really effective strategy because it also creates a vicious cycle. The more you vary your sleep the harder regular sleep becomes which makes your sleep more variable. You get the idea. The goal is to never sleep at the same time or wake up at the same time.But if you really want to take this further then don't waste your time on sleep. Get by with as few hours of sleep as possible. There'll be plenty of time to sleep when you're dead. By reducing your hours of sleep you will reduce your concentration, dull your mood and easily get overwhelmed by life's demands. You will be more irritable, less productive, less creative and more prone to bad decision-making. Tell yourself that you're too busy to waste your time sleeping. 3. Maximise your screen timeNow that you're moving and sleeping as little as possible. You need something to do with all that extra time. Simply sitting still is boring and hard to maintain. It may also lead you to get into mindfulness and reflection. We don't want that. Instead, fill your time with screens. Boredom could also drive you to move, so let the screen entertain you. Tiredness could drive you to sleep so let the screen keep you awake—sort of—as long as possible. Always fall asleep with your phone in your hands and put your eyes back on it as soon as you wake. Every moment your eyes are off the screen is a moment you might be drawn to something more productive, so keep your head down. When you tire of scrolling through the phone, turn on the TV. In fact, have the TV on while you scroll on your phone. And if you're really looking for a challenge, have the TV on, and scroll through your phone while you work on your computer. Convince yourself that you can multi-task.Fortunately, on the screen, you have many allies competing to hold your attention for as long as possible. Let them reach you to pull you back every time you turn away. Turn on your notification bell, turn on vibrate, and if there's a notification light turn that on as well. You want to make sure that you never miss an alert. When you sit down to work, first open your email, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Just to make sure you missed nothing.4. Stroke your negative emotionsNow that you have screens in front of you all the time. You might eventually scroll through all the things that interest you and get tempted to do something else. So, read the news and get all the details. The news media companies will work tirelessly on your behalf to find, record and report on every disaster, every refugee, and every detonated bomb. Screens can then play all these events for you repeatedly, social media can provide blow-by-blow commentary from countless ill-informed perspectives. Today we can view tragedy continuously and enjoy the excitement of watching catastrophe unfold in real-time. Be well informed while doing nothing. The things you care about could draw away your attention, giving you a reason to leave your all room and take meaningful action. Fortunately, you can use the things you care about as further sources of misery. Focus on the bad to fuel your resentment and despair. If you must contribute, do so only in meaningless token ways. Post black squares on your Instagram, add hashtags to your bio and add the Ukraine flag next to your username, you get the idea. After that, be disappointed when things don't change.As often as possible, get angry at the government, the pandemic, Will Smith, Amber Heard, global warming, etc. You really want to reinforce the idea that the world is messed up and there's nothing you can do about it. Focus on the shortcomings of others, the failings of your country and the state of the economy. This will really make you feel powerless and since the goal is to be miserable, that's perfect.5. Always follow your impulsesHow should you decide what to do when you're not on the screen? The good news is most things that will elevate your mood bring relatively little anticipatory desire. So the best way to decide what to do is to follow your gut.The odds are stacked in your favour on this one. When you put no effort you will default to things that will cause you misery in the long term. You will want to stay indoors, you will want to not exercise, you will want to sleep in, you will want to do what you know will make you sadder after you've done it. Your impulses will mislead you, so be sure to follow them all the time.Always procrastinate. When the thought dawns on you to do something productive just ignore it, you'll do it later. You want to get in the habit of delegating all your important work to the future version of yourself who will probably have a lot more motivation and energy than you do right now.Continue to do things that make you feel weak and inferior. Never prove to yourself that you can overcome obstacles or better yourself. Never attempt to transcend your vices or change your lifestyle for the better. Subscribe to the idea that people can't change, so you shouldn't try. 6. Stay in your comfort zoneLet your comfort zone be the authority on what you do and don't do. If it's not comfortable, don't do it. Avoid discomfort at all costs. Take part only in activities that are familiar and effortless. Don't concern yourself with gaining fresh perspectives or novel experiences. Stay in your lane. Living in your comfort zone is warm, reassuring and very tempting. But one day you will wake up to the reality that your comfort zone is shrinking millimetre by millimetre. Once, you felt fine in all but the largest crowds, today you can detect a flare of anxiety at the dinner table. Your avoidance of crowds was once a subtle preference, now it is an overwhelming need. Once, the thought of speaking up in a meeting was mildly concerning, now it provokes outright panic. “The zone of comfort hides a secret, the longer you spend in it the smaller it gets.”A part of your brain, monitoring your behaviour, will conclude that the paths you have not taken must truly be unwise and threatening. And your inward impulse will become steadily stronger. What seemed like a momentary preference will become an urgent need for safety and familiarity. So listen to your fears and take them seriously. It is better, of course, if your zone of comfort is small, to begin with. 7. Set VAPID goalsOne of the best ways to be miserable is to relinquish all your goals altogether. Unfortunately, this would be too extreme for many of us. So here's a better idea that will give a similar result. You've probably heard that you should set SMART goals. Ignore that, set VAPID goals instead. Vague: You should be unclear about how you are going to complete the goal. If you want to run a marathon you should be unclear about how you will train, look for the right equipment or even which marathon you will run. Amorphous: The finish line for your immediate goal should be indistinct so that your depressive self can disqualify any progress you have made. Setting a goal to clean the entire house today will allow you to criticize yourself when you don't finish because it's impossible to clean the entire house in one day. There's always more to do. Pie in the sky: Indulge your innate ability to overestimate what you can do. Say that today you will revamp your company's finances. You will never complete that in one day and this is perfect. Irrelevant: Tell yourself that if you achieve your goal of overcoming social anxiety you will be able to do the research for your mechanical engineering master's thesis. You should then lock yourself in the house and study business as a necessary prerequisite. Delayed: Avoid setting a specific time to complete your goal. Instead, resolve to get to it when you feel like it which will likely be never. Make both the target and the path unclear. This will distract your productivity nicely. After this, focus only on the end goal with no regard to any intermediary steps. And be sure to berate yourself for every failure to achieve your goals at every step of the way.Never be proactive about finding new opportunities to grow your career or meet new people. Wait for the opportunities to come to you. After all, if it's going to happen it's going to happen. “Que sera, sera,” right? You'll meet the love of your life one day and things will probably just work out. You'll make friends with outstanding people who share your interests if you just wait long enough. Don't try and figure out actionable steps to get there, it's not in your power, anyway. Just wait until things work out.For some extra impact, make fear of negative consequences the primary motivator of everything you do. If you must set deadlines, set ones that frighten you and punish yourself for failing to meet them. And remind yourself constantly that your entire life could fall apart if you don't keep your head above water.8. Believe you are specialNow that we've lulled the internal triggers of joy, let's move our attention to external ones. The first of which is other people. If you're not careful, your associations with other people might make you happy. You likely already have some people in your life right now so let's start with pushing those away. The best way to do this is to believe that you're better than everyone else. Behave like you're entitled to things because you're just different from everyone else. Assume that the people who have what you want in life just don't deserve it as much as you do. Always regard yourself as talented, unique and one of a kind. This will really help you develop an outsider complex which will make it difficult to open up to other people or see things from their perspective. But since you don't want to do any of that uncomfortable stuff anyway, that's perfect.Next, be default no. When a friend asks you to go out for lunch, just say no. After all, you're very busy these days and have a lot of work to do. When your manager gives you an opportunity to lead a new project at work, try to find an excuse to get out of it. The key here is to give everyone the impression that they should just let you do your own thing. Be so good at saying no that people stop asking you to do anything.This might become difficult at some point. A good way to stick to your ways is to be suspicious of people. Never give people the benefit of the doubt. Believe that everyone just wants to take advantage of you. Because of this, you should be guarded and put up walls to protect yourself emotionally. Assume the smiles that people give you are fake and their motives are always malevolent.9. Pursue happiness relentlessly It turns out a relentless pursuit of happiness is actually a fairly good way of producing its opposite. If the steps so far haven't made you completely miserable, it's time for some clever manoeuvring. Happiness is such an elusive goal that if you try to achieve it directly you will achieve the opposite. So, to be truly unhappy set your expectations for happiness very high. Imagine happiness as a place where happy people are happy all the time. This will turn happiness into a perpetually unreachable state of bliss that no one has.See life not as it is, but as you wish it to be. Daydream of a day when things will be better. Fantasize about a life where all your problems are gone. You want to make sure that you mentally escape as much as possible to distract yourself from the obstacles of real life. Pour your mental energy not into fixing your problems or improving yourself but into building up this fantasy to be as detailed as possible. Reflect daily about what you would buy if you won the lottery or became a celebrity. Constantly compare your life to this mental picture and become resentful at the discrepancies.And with that, we've reached the end. Though this is not an exhaustive list it should be enough to set you on a steady path. If suffering is what you're after and you crave the daily strife, simply follow this advice and you'll be miserable for the rest of your life.Many of these are adapted from the book How To Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use by Randy J. Paterson, PhD. It's a fantastic, quick read. Check it out. 2022 Resolutions:Weight: Get to 75kg by April 28 and 70kg by JulyNah running is not more entertaining, I'm just developing the mental strength to bear it I think. I'll keep at it. Sleep: Consistently sleep avg. 8 hours per dayAverages this week:Duration: 6h 30m.Avg. bedtime: 04:05.Avg. wake-up time: 10:21.Business: Start a business in 2022Nothing to report here. Just a normal uneventful week. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit justreflections.bhekani.com

Hola amigxs! En este episodio les comento rápidamente cómo pueden ser la persona más triste de este planeta, si es que eso les interesa. Muchas gracias por escuchar! Referencia de libro: How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use (English Edition) Randy J. Paterson Redes del Podcast y de mí: TW y IG: @LibreMentePdcst TW: @JPascal__ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/librementepdcst/message

Cansados da felicidade, Peter e Bruno procuram por formas de maximizar a infelicidade e seguir em busca da tristeza. Links discutidos: • 41 Easy Ways to Be Unhappy • Vanessa Hill • Dr. Randy J. Paterson • CGP Grey Ouça todos os episódios: www.inturnut.com Siga no Instagram: @inturnutpodcast

Assertiveness, Part 2 Show Notes In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast we are going to talk about assertiveness and how it can make you happier and more confident. And I’m also going to be giving listeners a FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE! Stay tuned! INTRODUCTION What is up people? The Motor City Hypnotist Podcast is here in the Podcast Detroit Northville Studios. Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast. I am David Wright and with me is my producer Matt Fox. FIND ME: My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast My social media links: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno Instagram: motorcityhypno If you would like to contribute financially to the show, you can find me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/motorcityhypno?fan_landing=true FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE https://detroithypnotist.convertri.com/podcast-free-hypnosis-guide Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review. (Stay with me as later in the podcast, I’ll be giving away a free gift to all listeners!) This episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast is brought to you by Banner Season. Online marketing is saturated and people rarely open their emails. Are you in sales or does your business market to customers? How do you connect with family, friends, and clients? Banner Season takes your marketing into the “real world” by delivering kindness and thoughtfulness directly to your client’s physically. Imagine the excitement of your family, friends and customers as they receive personalized cards and gifts in their mailboxes. Go to bannerseason.com/fantastic and begin today to express kindness and make connections with others. https://bannerseason.com/FANTASTIC WINNER OF THE WEEK; Justin Timberlake https://www.msn.com/en-us/music/celebrity/justin-timberlake-surprises-fan-with-cerebral-palsy-by-gifting-wheelchair-accessible-van/ar-BB1boudr ASSERTIVENESS! Much of this information is taken from: The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) “Assertiveness is about controlling your behavior, not someone else’s.” That’s Randy J. Paterson’s definition. He’s a professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of British Columbia. The key thing to keep in mind is: “You are in charge of your behavior; others are in charge of their behavior.” I know: sounds obvious. But when we get caught in passive thinking, this simple fact is what we’re forgetting. From The Assertiveness Workbook: When we behave assertively, we are able to acknowledge our own thoughts and wishes honestly, without the expectation that others will automatically give in to us. We express respect for the feelings and opinions of others without necessarily adopting their opinions or doing what they expect or demand. This does not mean that we become inconsiderate to the wishes of others. We listen to their wishes and expectations, then we decide whether or not to go along with them. We might choose to do so even if we would prefer to do something else. But it is our choice. Whenever we go along with others it is our decision to do so anyway. But we can often feel helpless because we forget that we are under our own control. The key word there is “choice.” When you’re being passive, you forget that you have a choice. But you always do. When you comply, you’re making a decision. Passive people think, “I have to do what they want.” No, actually. No, you don’t. Other people say no all the time. The problem is often that passive people assume the consequences of saying no will be catastrophic. The issue isn’t the request and it usually isn’t the potential consequences of declining — it’s the unreasonable assumption in your head that saying no is the equivalent of hitting the self-destruct button on a relationship.

Was wäre, wenn wir uns heute mal gemeinsam am Schreiben von Musik versuchen? In dieser Folge sprechen wir darüber, wie man sich Musik "aufspart", warum die Triangel das beste Instrument ist und welchen Vorteil lautes Musikhören in der U-Bahn bietet. Außerdem basteln wir einen Lo-Fi-Beat, der sich bestens für ein entspanntes Frühstück eignet. Empfehlungen der Woche: Basti: "Marti Fisher" (Youtube-Channel), Dominik: "How To Be Miserable" von Randy J. Paterson, Ferdi: "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" (Film) Bist du eine der Personen, die laut Musik in der U-Bahn hört? Schreib uns an hallo@fruehstueckimdunkeln.de, wir würden dich gerne kennenlernen!

Ciao a tutti e benvenuti su Podcast Italiano. Benvenuti in questo episodio di livello avanzato. Prima di cominciare vi voglio ricordare che potete trovare la trascrizione di questo episodio su podcastitaliano.com, dove troverete anche la traduzione in inglese delle parole ed espressioni più difficili. Incominciamo! Come vi ho raccontato in passato in un episodio di riflessioni senza trascrizioni non sono un avido lettore (avid reader) di libri. Tuttavia, di tanto in tanto mi capita di leggere libri che hanno un forte impatto sul mio modo di pensare. Si da il caso che io  (I happen to) legga maggiormente letteratura non-fiction. Proprio in questi giorni ho riletto un libro che lessi qualche anno fa e mi piacque moltissimo. Il libro si chiama “How to be miserable: 40 strategies you already use” dello psicologo Randy J. Paterson. Proprio così: questo libro, breve ma ricco di idee illuminanti (eye-opening), ci spiega in maniera ironica NON  come essere felici ma, almeno apparentemente, come essere infelici. In questo rovesciamento (reversal) del tipico modello di libro self-help sta (in questo sta = in there lies) la geniale ironia del saggio. In generale il libro rappresenta una vera e propria parodia in chiave umoristica (=in maniera umoristica, con umorismo) dei libri che promettono la felicità. Ovviamente nessuno, per quanto perverso (as perverse as one may be), si prefiggerebbe mai come obiettivo (would never se the goal for him/herself)  quello di raggiungere l’infelicità nella vita. Tuttavia, leggendo questo libro è molto facile rendersi conto di tutti i comportamenti che adottiamo e che, di norma, sono altamente correlati a una vita infelice. Facendo il contrario di quanto ci consiglia l’autore  riusciremo a mitigare (ridurre / mitigate) l’infelicità nella nostra vita, che è un obiettivo decisamente più alla nostra portata (within our reach) rispetto alla ricerca della felicità, così fuggevole (fleeting) e irraggiungibile. Di libri che cercano di insegnarci semplici maniere di raggiungere la felicità, come detto, ne esistono a bizzeffe (=tanti). A giudicare dagli scaffali (shelves) della sezione “self-help” di molte librerie, dalla quantità di workshop sull’argomento, dal volume della ricerca scientifica in merito, la nostra società da molta importanza alla ricerca della felicità. Peccato che, ahimè, la felicità è una chimera, come afferma chiaramente Randy J. Paterson. Cercare in maniera ossessiva la felicità, afferma Paterson nel suo libro, è, al contrario, uno dei modi migliori di raggiungere l’infelicità. L’autore spiega che la felicità è un po’ come una scoiattolo (squirrel): se cerchi di acchiapparlo (catch) lui fuggirà, ma se stai fermo e non ti muovi è possibile che venga da te. La strada che conduce all’infelicità, invece, è delineata molto più chiaramente (much more clearly outlined) ed esistono numerose strategie per raggiungerla. Paterson spiega che l’infelicità può avere due cause, da lui divise in Colonna A e Colonna B. La  Colonna A è composta da eventi fuori dal nostro controllo (es. Un tumore, una tragedia naturale). La colonna B, invece, contiene comportamenti che sono sotto il nostro controllo e che, se attuati (if carried out), possono contribuire a renderci la vita peggiore. Paterson individua ben 40 strategie utilizzabili per massimizzare la tristezza nella nostra vita che, come afferma il sottotitolo (as the subheading states), utilizziamo già. Vi posso assicurare che, come successo anche a me, vi ritroverete in (you will identify with, see yourself in) almeno in un certo numero di queste strategie. Il libro si compone di quattro parti, ognuna contenente 10 strategie. Come adottare uno stile di vita infelice Come pensare da persona infelice Come fallire in tutte le relazioni inter-personali Come vivere una vita senza significato Le quattro parti del libro sono in ordine decrescente di importanza (in descending order of importance). Ovvero,

Get Jason's book, Body Beliefs, for free! http://altshiftdiet.com/body-beliefs-intro   Why Weight Loss Doesn't Work http://learntruehealth.com/weight-loss-does-not-work/   The Psychology Of Fat Loss   Many women have searched far and wide for the perfect diet. And while some were successful at first, most women fail to maintain their weight. Well, you guys are in for a treat today. Because my guest, Jason Seib, has unlocked the real secret to fat loss. Read on to find out how to achieve fat loss for life!   Lifestyle Change   Jason Seib is an author and speaker who specializes in the Psychology of Fat Loss. Discovering his calling in his late teens, Jason Seib revealed that he was initially in a bad place around the age of 19. Because of that, he decided to have a lifestyle change and moved to a different state.    Embracing a new life in a new environment, Jason Seib’s life took a 360-degree turn when he met a person who taught him how to work out. Consequently, that triggered his fascination on what exactly makes the body lose fat. That fascination eventually led him to work with people from all walks of life.    Conventional Wisdom About Fat Loss   Jason Seib says nobody tries to figure out two sides of the equation. Women are constantly trying to change the way their body looks. They think changing how their body looks ultimately solves the problem.  But who can blame them? Modern society has influenced women to believe that they would only be more valued once they change their looks.  They think people would respond to them more favorably and differently.     “That is garbage. What happens when you lose weight is that people just notice you lost weight,” said Jason Seib. “It is wrong to think that you will be loved only if you look better.” Jason Seib also says that we are programmed to be what we are. Through his work, he helps people to understand and likewise assist them to make these changes.    The Truth Behind Fat Loss   But rather than just focusing on what constitutes a proper fat loss diet, Jason Seib chose to delve deeper into understanding the psychology of fat loss. Another reason was that he got frustrated with so many wrong notions about fat loss.    “Nobody was talking about what it takes psychologically for people to be able to make these lifestyle changes,” said Jason Seib. “No one was able to answer why it is hard to lose weight and why do we suffer from cravings.”   According to Jason Seib, most people find it hard to stay on a diet because it is too difficult to follow long-term. With all the daily responsibilities we have, it is too much of a hassle to measure everything we eat for the rest of our life.    When we find a diet plan too cumbersome, Jason Seib says that’s when we start to lose the motivation to stay on a diet. We also tend to stop the diet whenever our weight loss plateaus.   Meditation For Fat Loss   Do you know that meditation plays a big part in fat loss? Apparently, emotions affect the way we eat and what we eat. This is because men and women alike usually turn to food for comfort whenever we are stressed or emotional. “Through meditation and increasing mindfulness, we also apply levels of physical changes to our lifestyle,” explains Jason Seib. “Meditation is about being with your emotions, not stomping them out or bending them to your will.”    Jason Seib adds that having a list of rules of what to eat and exercise will be pointless if we don’t look into the psychological aspect of fat loss. Hence, Jason Seib’s meditation method focuses on breathing properly while allowing our mind to wander.    “As soon as you realize your mind is wandering, there is a moment of mindfulness when you pull it back to your breath,” said Jason Seib. Developing AltShift   Jason Seib noticed that people quickly fall off the fat loss bandwagon. Hence, he saw the need to create a diet plan that would motivate people to stick to the program. Other than focusing on food, AltShift seeks to correct the conventional wisdom about fat loss.   “I created a diet called AltShift, which is effective in losing weight,” said Jason Seib. “We figure out what kind of person succeeds in becoming a better version of themselves regardless of protocol.”   According to Jason Seib, AltShift was developed through trial and error. Initially trying it out on his wife Sheryl, he started promoting the program to other people. AltShift is actually a slow evolution of a lot of years looking at data, and the results were astonishing!   Books By Jason Seib   Aside from his AltShift podcast and webinars, Jason Seib has several books aimed to help you keep off the weight long-term. His books, AltShift – Lasting Fat Loss at Last, Body Beliefs, AltShift Lift, Altshift Dish and AltShift Food List contain a wealth of information to guide you step-by-step. Links to his books are available on his official website.   Jason Seib is the creator of the popular AltShift Diet, the author of The Paleo Coach, co-host of the popular AltShift Podcast, founder and co-owner of AltShift Fitness and Fat Loss, a successful small gym in the Portland, Oregon area.   Jason Seib speaks on the subject of fat loss regularly, delivering his Sustainable Fat Loss Seminar around the US.  His passion is guiding normal people to extraordinary levels of health and fitness.    Marrying his extensive knowledge of fitness and nutrition with his love of psychology, Jason Seib has built his career by helping thousands of people change their perspective and find a healthy, sustainable path to their goals.  Get Connected With Jason Seib:  Official Website Facebook Recommended Reading By Jason Seib How To Be Miserable  by Randy J. Paterson Books by Jason Seib Body Beliefs   The Paleo Coach   Alt Shift Alt Shift Lift    The Links You Are Looking For: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Become A Health Coach Learn More About The Institute for Integrative Nutrition's Health Coaching Certification Program by checking out these four resources: 1) Integrative Nutrition's Curriculum Guide: http://geti.in/2cmUMxb 2) The IIN Curriculum Syllabus: http://geti.in/2miXTej 3) Module One of the IIN curriculum: http://geti.in/2cmWPl8 4) Get three free chapters of Joshua Rosenthal's book: http://geti.in/2cksU87 Watch my little video on how to become a Certified Health Coach! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDDnofnSldI ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this episode made a difference in your life, please leave me a tip in the virtual tip jar by giving my podcast a great rating and review in iTunes! http://bit.ly/learntruehealth-itunes Thank you! Ashley James http://bit.ly/learntruehealth-itunes ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Enjoyed this podcast episode? Visit my website Learn True Health with Ashley James so you can gain access to all of my episodes and more! LearnTrueHealth.com http://learntruehealth.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Need Help Ordering The Right Supplements For You? Visit TakeYourSupplements.com, and a FREE health coach will help you! http://takeyoursupplements.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Learn How To Achieve Optimal Health From Naturopathic Doctors! Get Learn True Health's Seven-Day Course For FREE! Visit go.learntruehealth.com http://go.learntruehealth.com/gw-oi ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I made a low-carb, gluten-free cookbook just for you! Download your FREE copy today! 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Thank you for supporting The ADHD Podcast on Patreon! — https://patreon.com/theadhdpodcast We fall back on the old saw, “I’m just not a morning person.” But, is that really the case? Or could it be that there are things you could begin doing right now that change the way you greet each day? This week on the show, we’re talking all about mornings, our routines, habits, and tools that help us get up and get going on the right foot. More importantly, we share the tools and techniques you can employ right now in your evenings and throughout each day that can begin to chip away at sleeping trouble to make your mornings great. Links & Notes 7 Ways to Maximize Misery — CGP Grey How to be Miserable: 40 Strategies you Already Use by Randy J. Paterson

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Randy J. Paterson (PART 2) author of How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use About the book: In How to Be Miserable, psychologist Randy Paterson outlines 40 specific behaviors and habits, which—if followed—are sure to lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. On the other hand, if you do the opposite, you may yet join the ranks of happy people everywhere! There are stacks upon stacks of self-help books that will promise you love, happiness, and a fabulous life. But how can you pinpoint the exact behaviors that cause you to be miserable in the first place? Sometimes when we’re depressed, or just sad or unhappy, our instincts tell us to do the opposite of what we should—such as focusing on the negative, dwelling on what we can’t change, isolating ourselves from friends and loved ones, eating junk food, or overindulging in alcohol. Sound familiar? This tongue-in-cheek guide will help you identify the behaviors that make you unhappy and discover how you—and only you—are holding yourself back from a life of contentment. You’ll learn to spot the tried-and-true traps that increase feelings of dissatisfaction, foster a lack of motivation, and detract from our quality of life—as well as ways to avoid them. So, get ready to live the life you want (or not?) This fun, irreverent guide will light the way. About the author: Randy J. Paterson, PhD, is director of Changeways Clinic, a private psychotherapy practice in Vancouver, BC, Canada. He is author of The Assertiveness Workbook and Your Depression Map, and he conducts training programs for professionals on evidence-based treatment. Through Changeways Clinic, Paterson presents lectures and workshops internationally on topics including mental health policy, cognitive behavioral therapy, the nature and treatment of depression and anxiety disorders, and strategies for private practice management. He is the 2008 recipient of the Canadian Psychological Association’s Distinguished Practitioner Award. For more information on Paterson, his presentations and workshops, or Changeways Clinic, visit www.changeways.com. To view Paterson’s blog on psychological and practice issues, please visit www.psychologysalon.com.

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Randy J. Paterson, PhD author of How To Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use About the book: In How to Be Miserable, psychologist Randy Paterson outlines 40 specific behaviors and habits, which—if followed—are sure to lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. On the other hand, if you do the opposite, you may yet join the ranks of happy people everywhere! There are stacks upon stacks of self-help books that will promise you love, happiness, and a fabulous life. But how can you pinpoint the exact behaviors that cause you to be miserable in the first place? Sometimes when we’re depressed, or just sad or unhappy, our instincts tell us to do the opposite of what we should—such as focusing on the negative, dwelling on what we can’t change, isolating ourselves from friends and loved ones, eating junk food, or overindulging in alcohol. Sound familiar? This tongue-in-cheek guide will help you identify the behaviors that make you unhappy and discover how you—and only you—are holding yourself back from a life of contentment. You’ll learn to spot the tried-and-true traps that increase feelings of dissatisfaction, foster a lack of motivation, and detract from our quality of life—as well as ways to avoid them. So, get ready to live the life you want (or not?) This fun, irreverent guide will light the way. About the author: Randy J. Paterson, PhD, is director of Changeways Clinic, a private psychotherapy practice in Vancouver, BC, Canada. He is author of The Assertiveness Workbook and Your Depression Map, and he conducts training programs for professionals on evidence-based treatment. Through Changeways Clinic, Paterson presents lectures and workshops internationally on topics including mental health policy, cognitive behavioral therapy, the nature and treatment of depression and anxiety disorders, and strategies for private practice management. He is the 2008 recipient of the Canadian Psychological Association’s Distinguished Practitioner Award. For more information on Paterson, his presentations and workshops, or Changeways Clinic, visit www.changeways.com. To view Paterson’s blog on psychological and practice issues, please visit www.psychologysalon.com.