Blue Balls NYCFC

It's been a long lonely time, but we're back to give you exactly what you've been clamoring for: jetlagged europilled blue boys yapping about whatever. There's some soccer in there, we promise. Jake & Trey hit the Atlanta and Nashville games, Hannes Wolf's productive and suddenly resilient body, water strategies of the great Mediterranean states, Matt Freese's ascension and the haters who don't have anything better to do, the confusing, corrupt, and yes, decently cool Club World Cup, the dolla dolla bills y'all, and whatever else managed to slip in there. Plus: the shortest ever precap from a craptacular CF Montreal. Delete your meme trove if you're queued in line: you've got Blue Balls.

Good morning, good afternoon, good night and good luck Blue Ballers — following a massive 3-1 victory over Gregg Berhalter's visiting Chicago Fire, your Boys in Blue are starting to feel optimistic about the season again. And with NYCFC sitting at 6th in the east, we've got good reason! We cover a punchy yet pinioned Chicago, goals and goal support from Bakrar, Wolf, and Martinez, the solidity developing in the front AND the back (don't ask about the crack), and the beginning of what might be a run of lineup consistency in Pascal Jansen's NYCFC. PLUS: Gold Cup gripes, hot takes on the halfway point, and best cocktails on mediterranean beaches. Make sure to check the conversion rate: you've got Blue Balls!

Boys, we're eating good tonight. For the first time in weeks, your boys in blue are relishing the recap. Jake & Trey talk the drought-breaking Martinez screamer, Maxi's looney tunes takedown off a GK error for the brace, O'Neil blowing his outback back out on clearances and man-marks, the Martins defender logs into the chat yet again, and much more. PLUS: a little waxing poetic on the state of New York Sports and an insider view on the trials and tribulations of NYCFC fan media. AND: a tidy little precap of Chicago to send you on your way. It might be time to change the Brita filter: you've got Blue Balls.

It's a barely-there morning episode to cover the barely-there Blues who dropped 3 league points and crashed out of the Open Cup this weekend. Miseries abound as we do our weekly David Lee grousing, but also evaluate first minutes for the awesome aussie Aidan O'Neill, talk about the mess caused by the Feet of Keat, final third piss-poor passing, and the overall flaccidity of our favorite boys in blue. Also, we talk about basketball. THEN: what does the money mean? Jake and Trey talk soccer side valuations. Hold onto your butts. AND FINALLY: a precap of our black-n-red Acela Antagonists DC United and Red Bull New Jersey. Wipe yourself off and get the fuck back up — you've got Blue Balls.

Three points against the FCC have Jake and Trey feeling like digital pirates! We're cruising down your broadband streams with a total recap of 90 minutes of play that were wetter than Ben Shapiro thinks is biologically possible, including Julian's early gamewinner, Alonso's crossbar crisis, Matt Freese's treats & tricks, tackling the tilt, and much much more. PLUS: a little NBA sidebar as the Knicks clinch game 1 against Boston, a salute to the Tin Man on the occasion of his retirement, and a panicked precap of the Pittsburgh Riverhounds open cup match and the Montreal battle that follows it. If you thought they smelled bad on the outside: you've got Blue Balls!

With three points from across the border, NYCFC keeps finding just enough to live. Your boys in blue break down the election-weekend win in Canada, including a faceoff with club legend Sean Johnson, penalty provocations, back line legends, our May-December midfield, and much much more. Plus: it's official, Aiden O'Neill busts our Aussie cherry. And: a treatise on Soccer and the Global Economy. Finally: a precap of Cincy vs the City. Don't blow too hard on that didgeridoo — you've got Blue Balls.

Grim times at the Blue Balls HQ this week as Jake & Trey break down the 0-2 loss against New England's bottom-scraping Revolution. Morale is at an all time low, even as Moralez minutes are at an all-time high! We talk the return of Tayvon, a truly senseless Starting XI, the toothlessness of the attack, and log into the chat as Thiago Martins defenders. PLUS: royal-watching the meme-queens on r/mls, a little pope-scoping, and some David Lee prognostications as the transfer window draws to a close. AND: a quick n' dirty Toronto precap. Wallahi, better prep for this weekend — mans got Blue Balls.

We're wringing out our souvenir hats and wiping our shoes on the 7 train as we recap some GOOD news at long last. A 1-0 win against Philadelphia had a redeeming effect on NYCFC's morale and your boys in blue are here to predict whether the weather will stay or pass. We map the midfield action from the Parks to the Shore, Martinez's massive mid-speed shot after Mitja's missile, and the defensive discipline that allowed it to all come together. Plus: we steal talking points from our other favorite publications and do a halfhearted precap of the very same New England Revs we faced just a few weeks ago. Change into some dry socks — you've got Blue Balls.

Your sleepy boys in blue shake the sand out of their eyes and talk Sunday afternoon's grim little outing against a visiting Minnesota. A 2-1 loss humbled our Boys in Blue and Jake & Trey will break it all down for you, including the a-Limits of Alonso, the cut-inside revival developing in the offense, the virtues and vices of 40th-minute subs, and the bright spots in an otherwise bleak April outing. PLUS: hot stove on Kevin De Bruyne, other roster chats, USWNT recaps, and a laser focus on Philadelphia as our 24 hour mourning period comes to a close. Zip off those cargo pant legs — you've got Blue Balls.

It certainly was a game that happened, Blue Ballers. Jake and Trey take their reluctant seats to try and figure out what the fuck happened in the 3-4 loss to Atlanta's Five Stripes that looked, for all intents and purposes, like a 3-1 victory was imminent. We talk direct action in the first 45, turning point moments, fault analysis, cool heads and hotheads, and wonder where we go from here. Then: some check-ins on other leagues and other sports to get the taste out of our mouths. Plus: a recap for Sunday evening dinner. Will we have roast Loon on the plate, or will we get iced by Minnesota nice? Start ironing the crotch on your Sunday finest — you've got Blue Balls.

Your boys in blue are back to break down a toothless away match against Columbus. We talk teenage wastelands, Freese finesse, Wolf woes, Bakrar PTSD, and much more. Plus, the griping continues with a less-than-inspiring performance from the supposedly ascendant USMNT in the Concacaf Nations, and Malachi Jones continues his slow mend. And: a cheekly precap of an Atlanta United determined to prove their best days aren't behind them. Don't let your behind best you — you've got Blue Balls.

Blue ballers, we're back and we're keeping it a buck reviewing our 3-goal, 2-1 victory over the Revs at Yankee Stadium. Jake & Trey talk the perennially underrated Keaton Parks, Martinez' most recent clinical finish in front of goal, the dawn (?) of Julian, and much more. Plus: vibe checks in the guts of Yankee Stadium, Outfield reports on a different big bird headed to NYCFC, and the eerie quiet of a drumless supporter's section. Then: a quick n' dirty precap of a Crew that's looking primed for a rebuild season — but call us Sluggo because no matter what, Nancy still poses a threat. Strap on your safety goggles — you've got Blue Balls.

This was the day we truly became Season Eleven, Blue Ballers. Jake and Trey can't help themselves — your boys in blue devote the WHOLE episode to a man-by-man and play-by-play unpacking of the 2-1 victory over Orlando in NYCFC's tenth-anniversary home opener. It was a game of generations; we chat MOTM Johnny Shore's ascendance, the indispensability of the invisibly geriatric Maxi Moralez, Kevin's Toole Time Takedown and the subsequent ten minutes of white knuckles, and we don't even get to Matt Freese's ice cold toes that left the home side with a sweet three points. THEN: a tidy little precap of New England. Will Carles Gil be our boys' achilles heel? Or will Johnny Shore Up The Defense once again? Get your Nuts 4 Nuts ready — you've got Blue Balls.

Are you having déjâ vu, Blue Ballers? A late-night last-minute goal stole points off NYCFC's plate and your boys Jake and Trey are here to recap it. We talk depth and DPs, Tayvon troubles, butterfly effects, min-maxing when we're missing Maxi, and much much more. Plus: week 2 MLS recaps, merch mishigas, and a blast from the past as we talk about the inevitable ten-year-anniversary flashbacks and the players who until now have gone mostly... unreferenced. And finally, a quick home opener precap in advance of a matchup against expansion sister side Orlando. Don't wave your cane at anyone too hard this week, Al Green — you've got Blue Balls.

We're back, blue bitches, for Season Eleven! Jake and Trey, your boys in blue, are so excited to talk to you about NYCFC's season opener that we're pinching ourselves in the neck to make sure we're not dreaming! We break down every white-knuckled moment of NYCFC's draw against eleven ten of Miami's finest, including the cards that were and the cards that weren't, the beginning of Alonso Martinez' golden boot pursuit, the Gulf of Messi Goals, Mitja's Cristian mission, Jansen's first chjances at NYCFC glory, and the holes in the roster we long desperately to fill. Plus a check-in with the rest of the league, debates on the finer points of NYC bike regulation, and Trey's first sexy little precap of the year for west-coast titans LAFC. Tread carefully if you've already got one yellow card: you've got Blue Balls.

Y'all ready for season eleven? Your Boys in Blue are, and that's why they've given you a preseason double-size episode before the era of Jansen and the wide open mystery of NYCFC 2025 starts to reveal itself! Jake and Trey talk about the Saintis Marching Out, some preseason-based predictions, and of course a riotous round of over/under action, with some Miami mental prep as a chaser. Make sure you've cleared any pre-existing conditions — you've got Blue Balls.

Did you miss us, blue ballers? We've been storing up off-season news like nuts in a squirrel's cheeks, and we're finally ready to spill our delicious hoard out for all of you starving soccer fans. Jake & Trey break down the banner news: the hiring of Pascal Jansen as new NYCFC Top Dog. Will this dutchman fly us to victory? Or will we sink like so many stroopwafels dumped into the canal? PLUS: Sands and McFarlane off to Europe, superdraft stories, homegrown heroes, and some early early predictions for 2025. We can see what's going on underneath that puffer coat: you've got Blue Balls!

Part 2 of 2! Jake and Trey rejoin to discuss senseless Superdraft suggestions, hot stove(r) hypotheticals, and of course to tally up the points from our top-of-season predictions to see who gets the coveted Chipotle Aluminum Wrap Trophy. Reminiscences on one of the weirdest seasons in club history abound. Whil out your scorecards: you've got Blue Balls.

Part 1 of 2! The cup is hoisted, the season's over, and Jake and Trey are ready to reflect. We wipe the sand from our eyes and chat roster moves, expansion draft decisions, and of course the end of the tenure of 2021 veteran, controversial commander, and perennial promiser of better days: Tricky Nick Cushing. Plus: a little chatter about the incredibly satisfying denial of Red Bull New Jersey glory for yet another year, and also we talk about yugioh. Wrap up your year at least as tightly as you wrap up your junk: you've got Blue Balls.

We lost, you know what it is. Crack this one open if you're ready to process the end of a weird, weird season. Don't forget your SSRIs — you've got Blue Balls.

Blue Ballers, we didn't expect to be recording this episode but we're pleased as punch to be sharing it with you. Jake and Trey sit down to revel in the conquest of 3-seed FC Cincy and the ensuing derby day playoff at Citi Field against the New Jersey Red Bulls. We break down the extra-innings PK shootout against Cincy and all the hardcore defensive action that brought us there, plus Gotham crash-out chat, international doodies, other, messi-er playoff results, and of course, a precap of the biggest-ever hudson river rivalry grudge match. Hope you can find a seat on the 7 train, you've got Blue Balls.

Sharp-eared Blue Ballers will know: we never expected to be here after last week. But after a 3-1 victory over visiting Cincy, we've got ourselves a three-game series and the extra motivating factor of a cross-town rival in the postseason. Could NYCFC actually make it to the second round of playoffs? Or was the defensive devastation we saw on Saturday just a flash in the pan? Jake and Trey break it all down for you: Kevin O'Toole and Justin Haak's all-timer performances, Thiago Martins' first-ever club goal, standouts and brainfarts from Freese, and the coaching tete-a-tete that gave us our groove back heading into game three. Then: a little chat about the rest of the bracket, a check-in on spooky season, plus some precap discussion of NYCFC's high hill to climb away, staring down the end of their season. Check you didn't leave the stove on — you've got Blue Balls.

Rough week for New York, Blue Ballers! Jake & Trey hop on the mic to break down one of the most disturbingly toothless performances by NYCFC in club history, in a moment which needed anything but. We talk Santi self-sabotage, Trayvon's late-game drama, Cushing's tactical malpractice, and more. Plus a little on the state of the league, the state of the Yanks, and the state of our married friends — and even a mini precap of game two of this first series. Check your Halloween bucket for the good stuff — you've got Blue Balls!

Blue ballers, a 0-2 loss against Montreal to drop your boys to 6th has Jake and Trey feeling restless. So we've got another short one that turned out to be a long one on our hands. Your boys in blue break down the disarray to pull some positives out and keep the faith; we talk offensive ineffectiveness and playing-up / playing-down action. THEN: Cushing... out???, getting aggro about the MLS awards, and a little precap of the bizarre round-of-three playoff stretch with Cincy. Cash out your Chuck-E-Cheese tickets: you've got Blue Balls.

Ahoy Blue Ballers and welcome back to another edition of your least-favorite favorite soccer pod, and boy did we miss you. After a bye week for both the boys and pod boys, Jake and Trey dive into the last two games of the team's current mini-streak. We talk Santi and Alonso's white hot run, how NYCFC can (or can not) hold it together to end a match, and what feathers we can bless some lesser appreciated pigeons with. Then, Trey asks Jake for some sage MVP voting advice, the inevitable journey to Orlando, and the French (Canadian) mob standing in our way. Scarf up and zip it tight, you've got Blue Balls.

Sunnier skies for us, Blue Ballers! An explosive 5-1 victory against New Jersey's not-quite-finest has Jake and Trey feeling cautiously optimistic about the end of NYCFC's season. But have Cushing's children found their form? Or did the adrenaline of a Hudson River sweep give us a power boost we'll be paying for heading into the end of the 2024 season? We break down the details, including star making performances across the board and every glorious goal, then chat the implications for the team, the gaffer, and the postseason. Plus: a little precap action for Cincy and Nashville this week. Check those NJ Transit times — you've got Blue Balls.

Blue ballers! We're coming off an EVENTFUL two matches and ready to piece it all apart. Your Boys in Blue were in the press box for both the historic inaugural 5-1 shellacking by Philadelphia AND the GOAT's visit to Gotham and the single secured point of the week. Is a last minute equalizer from James Sands enough to buoy our spirits? Or is a continuing winless streak in a clutch moment sending us into fits of depression? PLUS: an insider look into the luxury boxes of the new stadium and a chatty check-in with the man with the answers, Brad Sims. THEN: a classic Fillmore precap to the final derby day of the season. Swap your pinks for baby blues — you've got Blue Balls.

Welp! It's another dropped-points-from-a-first-half-lead show! Hope you guys enjoy it! Jake & Trey talk disappointments in DC, then pivot to crest chat, club identity politics, stadium renderings, and of course the briefest of double precaps for two marquee matches at home. Call your girlfriend, it's time you had the talk: you've got Blue Balls!

Blue Ballers, we're just as grouchy as you but the content mines need excavating and your Boys in Blue are here to break it all down for you. We talk: Fernandez getting fooled around with by an uncomfortably touchy Unkel, Barraza's big shoes to fill, overlaps, possession, and penetrating passes galore, and also all the bad stuff. Plus: a little banter on the state of the international break, a frank appraisal of the impact of the injury list, and more. Then: a lighter-than-air precap of DC before we take off like a dirigible for the international break. They won't let you into our Nation's Capital like that — you've got Blue Balls.

Welcome back Blue Ballers, as we've missed you truly and dearly and need to catch up. Jake and Trey conquer a ticking computer battery time bomb to talk all things dog days of August. We first embark on the journey of this past weekend, gleaning the small, medium, and big picture takeaways from an epic Chicago collapse. Then, a Leagues Cup recap and silver lining, Maxi Moralez' achilles heel, Alonso's golden feet, and the dynamism of the yet-to-be-nicknamed Santi/Maxi system. Lastly, again, we have to face Columbus. Can we avenge our losses against a hungover juggernaut? Find out next week and pack those Crew Balls, you've got Blue Balls.

Listen to this one quick, ballers, because your boys in blue are here to recap NYCFC's stint in the two-leg Leagues Cup group stage! Do we talk extensively about the 0-0 draw and the hair-raising penalty shootout that put us in the knockout round? Not at all! Instead we talk about what we can and can't learn from the bizarre and at turns brilliant match against Cincinnati that ended with one of the most humiliating experiences in franchise history! We talk Jovan's first joal, the Santi-Maxi matchup, the Barraza bonanza, and more. Plus: olympics of all stripes. more men's coach rumors, and the persistent knee injury that sent the tallest mango to midwinter Brazil. Careful stepping off the podium — you've got Blue Balls. 

Good tidings BBers. We're back in the saddle after a week off and how oh how are we gonna cover all these damn matches. Your boys in blue get into it on the Chicago, Atlanta, and Orlando draws, pulling noticeable performances out of each. We talk McFarlane's steady seventeen-year-old hand, the Santi-Maxi Paradoxi, and Talles Magno's sudden and opportune surge in value. Plus: Vieira whispers, Olympic national team blisters, and a precap for any Leagues Cup hipsters. Don't fall out of that coconut tree just yet — you've got Blue Balls.

The dog days of summer are upon us, Blue Ballers, and this week in Austin we felt it! After an encouraging 2-0 victory over Montreal at home, your boys in blue were humbled by Austin FC and Gyasi Zardes. Jake and Trey break down all the eastern european reasons why that happened, plus the struggles we're enduring as our beat up boys nurse their wounds,. Then: speculation about Greggo's replacement on the national team and Talles' departure on the homefront. Plus: a Chicago precap so hot you'll think it came straight from Carmine Berzato's kitchen. Watch where you're swinging that mandolin, chef — you've got Blue Balls.

Bonjour Blue Ballers, and welcome back to another (short) week of your silly boys making silly noise. Jake is sick and he's much better at writing these things than me, so we're Swede-ing this episode description. (Remember "Be Kind, Rewind"? A relic of another time to be sure). This week we talk New York City FC's thrilling, yet not always satiating, victory over our expansion bros Orlando. Then, we check in on our poor Wonderboy's broken bones, a quick Talles Magno update, a quick Copa update (fortuitously extremely quick), and round it off with a sprinkle of what to expect when you're expecting Montreal. Keep it nice and dry in these sweaty days mon frere - you've got Blue Balls.

From third to sixth, from winning streak to losing streak, from hot to cold, NYCFC are back to their old tricks of dropping points to the low block and pinging balls anywhere except on-target. Jake and Trey break down two more losses to Nashville and the LA Galaxy this week, what they tell us about the team's strategic woes, and what bright spots may still remain (hint: they rhyme with Shmayvon Shmay). Then: the Mango Man has spilled his Talles Tea, and we chat about what comes next. Plus a little face time with the Big Boss and a hopeful precap of the upcoming match against expansion sibling Orlando City. Wash your fruits carefully — you've got Blue Balls.

A frustrating match that began with a rain delay and ended with a 1-goal deficit, and that's the end of our winning streak! Your boys in blue are back to break down each play in this match — but because we do them all 48 times, the episode is 37 hours long. Have fun! We talk the early Mit-jection, goals not-quite-disallowed, continued Maxi-mum brilliance, and the debut of the second young Christian to nab some first-team minutes. Plus MLS All-Stars and a bunch of stuff we ran out of time to do and promise for next week, and a star-studded LA Galaxy precap. Wipe off your telescope — you've got Blue Balls.

Do we even need to introduce this week's pod? Jake & Trey bask in the glory of a five-one victory and the return of Maxi "Miles" Moralez, the spiderman himself, the min-maxed maestro, the five-foot nothing colossus. But outside of Maxi's 24 minutes of play, there's plenty else to break down and your boys cover a feckless first half of tactical adjustments, Alonso Martinez' record-breaking hat-trick, Tayvon's positional fearlessness, and much more. THEN: a look back at the Baby Blues' doomed but delightful U.S. Open Cup run, and a look forward at a new era in the USWNT as Emma Hayes grabs the reins and spurs her squad to a first friendly victory. Plus: a moderately meaningless Columbus Crew precap before the bye-week. Turn the sprinkler hose down a couple ticks — you've got Blue Balls.

Blue Ballers, it's been a hell of a May! Your Pigeons have been stacking up points and with three more in the pocket coming home from Massachusetts, there's a lot to celebrate and a lot to break down. Jake and Trey dig in to Big Bird's big score, NYCFC's rock solid centerbacks, Gray growth and gravitas, Gil-turns, and more. Then: casino drama at NYCFC's future home, prognostications on the depth charts, and a solid San Jose preview of NYCFC's glorious return to the Bronx. Drop those fat sausages on your Memorial Day grill — you've got Blue Balls.

Buona Settimana blue ballers and what a settimana it has BEEN. Your boys in blue have come off a triumphant and historic 9 point week, finishing up with a win in the provincial first Hudson River Derby in Queens. We are ready to cover it all, and by "we" we mean half of us as Jake couldn't make it to this one. But FEAR NOT as we brought on noted twitterati, podcaster, and blogger John Baney (aka @ThePigeonsNYCFC) off the bench to help break down the dubs. We talk a thrilling showdown versus the cross-river rivals, a little locker room talk, a homecoming for good ol' Cakes, and the briefest of precaps re: New England mishegoss. Hang loose and hang tight: you've got blue balls.

Blue Ballers, we are feeling FRESH AND FROSTY after our first road win in — a year?? against a feisty Toronto FC with a lot to say. Jake and Trey waste no time in breaking down the Toronto Tunnel Tiff in as much grisly detail as we've got — which is to say, not much! Then, some actual soccer. A 3-2 victory away gives us much to celebrate and MUCH to analyze with major showings from ascendant Pigeons. Plus a bonus recap of NYCFC II's latest Open Cup upset, and precaps of Philly and Red Bulls abound. Ice those (moose) knuckles — you've got Blue Balls!

Folks, NYCFC crashed into a soggy wall out in Queens this weekend to fall to a hobbled Colorado 0-2. Jake and Trey don't want to be talking about it, but talk about it they do — complete with all the segments you've come to expect. Freese praise, Bakrar banter, a Santi survey, Jovanvestigations. Your boys in blue are playing the hits! PLUS: a Maxi-valuation on the Spiderman's return, and an eye towards ascension for the insurgent Baby Blues who take the field TONIGHT against another Colorado team. THEN: we get no-nonsense on the northern border for a Toronto precap. Un-bunch your shorts when you're crossing the Peace Bridge: you've got Blue Balls.

With three wins and five unbeaten, NYCFC just might be back folks — and your Boys in Blue are here to tell you how, why, and when it all happened. Jake and Trey break down a messy but massive 2-1 redemption win over Charlotte that saw goals from a gorgeous Big Bird header and wunderkind Alonso, plus our usual Freese flowers, nods to the wings, and some love to Bakrar stretching ever closer to the end of his dry spell. Plus: an overdue review of the Blue Twos, some not-quite locker room talk, and a nasty little precap of a Colorado visit to cap off our home run. I wouldn't hike in those shorts — you've got Blue Balls.

Wonder of wonders, is NYCFC good now? A 2-0 victory against DC United would seem to press the question as Nick Cushing extends his lossless streak and Santi Rodriguez and Julian Fernandez both expand their accounts. We talk both goals, of course, plus effective team play, a broken-hearted Bakrar, Martens mania and the defense that contained the uncontainable in Benteke, and much more. Plus: Trey Goes To The Mayor, a site visit to the Valley of Ashes, and a goodbye to a wunderkind NYCFC transfer sleuth and twitter personality. Then: a quick n' dirty Charlotte precap for a big round two against size queens The Crown. Make sure to do your kegels — you've got Blue Balls.

INCOMING! Something different on the pod this week? Jake & Trey wake up to find they have a WIN to celebrate and deconstruct, and some actual NYCFC momentum to analyze and ballyhoo. Your boys in blue talk Agustin Ojeda's nasty little account opener, a deepening defensive fight, Big Bird's bedrock balls, and much more. Plus: Open Cup prognostications, Concacaf Champions conversations, and stadium vote machinations. Then: a dirty discussion of the District before this weekend's Acela matchup against DC United. Time at last to put away those winter digs; you've got Blue Balls.

Draw 2, back in the habit, and Jake and Trey are here to make it sacreligious with a savvy and incisive recap of a 1-1 draw against a threatening Atlanta at home. We talk stretched midfields, Katy Perrys, whiffs of goals and wiffs at goals, and so much more. Plus: tales from the press box, mumbles around Mijatovic, and of course a prompt precap of fellow basement dwellers New England. Invest in some Gen Z baggy jeans — you've got Blue Balls.

Blue Ballers, this one's for you. New York City FC returns this week having stolen a point from the big pink menace in Miami, featuring a first MLS goal and first MLS start for Alonso Martinez and some more-or-less remarkable performances elsewhere. Jake & Trey break down how the team stacks up against noted psychopath Luis Suarez and whether the momentum is breaking in the right direction. THEN: Maxime's maxim: more MLS! AND: The baby blues beat the baby bulls to pull into round 3 of the US Open Cup! FINALLY: a quick n' dirty preview of our return to Yankee Stadium against Atlanta. Crack open a window into your trash alley and air 'em out — you've got Blue Balls.

Blue ballers, we won't lie to you — there's no lipstick available for this pig! A mighty but ultimately outmatched effort from New York City FC left us with zero points away at a highly dominant Cincinnati. Jake and Trey break down the conflicted feelings following this match — was it good? was it shit? was it both? — and talk what we can learn about City when the City gets thin. We chat the Acosta goal, the state of the injury list, and the overperformers and the underachievers. THEN: to leagues and sides with a little more joy! We chat the Team USA Nations League winners, the young guns who be BLAZING in the Open Cup, and check in in Trey's March Madness bracket status. Plus: a nervous precap of potential points in Miami ("so you're saying there's a chance?"). Grab a mojito and a ham panini and stretch your legs out; you've got Blue Balls.

After a gratifying 2-1 victory against visiting Toronto, your Blue Ballers are feeling Hot N' Ready to breakdown some good news, for once. Jake and Trey slice up the first victory of the season, including Santi's centrality, Bakrar's hunger and panic for goal, stud Keaton Parks' studs-up challenge, and more. Then: a check-in with Gotham FC as the NWSL season kicks off, Pep Guardiola's on the hot stove, and a senseless preview of a match against Cincinnati with complicated personnel issues. Apply podcast directly to forehead and nowhere else; you've got Blue Balls.

Back in the saddle and twice as pissed, your boys in blue are back to recap the degradation kink demo that was New York City FC's first ever home opener loss to the very Portland Timbers. One goal from Santi Rodriguez was not enough for the boys to bask in, and scared coaching left us scratching our heads as the Timbers knocked two past our timbs to leave us pointless (and pointless) in three matches. Plus: branding, media mumbles, and stadium renderings. And: a precap of the return of Seannie Johnny and Toronto. Make sure to wear your loosest jacket; it's warming up and you've got Blue Balls.

Welcome back Blue Ballers. You're not gonna like the way we looked — I guarantee it. Our second match of the season yielded no points and no goals, continuing an abysmal streak away and resetting a sense of dread that will surely remain until at least one ball finds the back of the net. Will that happen this week at home? Jake and Trey break down the suffering in St. Louis to try and find out. Plus: Open Cup discussion, labor solidarity, and Balls On The Media. And finally, a little Portland precap before the home opener on Saturday. Will we catch you there? If so - make sure you come correct: you've got Blue Balls!

Welcome to the end of the blue decade, Blue Ballers, and the beginning of SEASON TEN of NYCFC madness, brought to you by your own Boys in Blue. A special salute to the ballers who've been with us since the Obama Era, through thick and thin, from Kreis to Cup -- this one's for you. But that's about as triumphant as we're getting this time around, because NYCFC is back to their old tricks and we don't mean that in a good way. Jake & Trey break down our few-shots-on-goal 90 against Charlotte FC and break down what's changed and what hasn't from our abortive 2023 campaign. Plus: Gabe Segal nabs a highlight reel moment for Houston. Then: a pessimistic precap of St. Louis. Wait 20 minutes before going into the silk bath -- you've got Blue Balls.