Giles Coren Has No Idea

Esther and Giles have some exciting news which they share at the start of the episode…On with the pod: Do couples have a better chance of staying together if their political views are aligned? Luckily for Esther and Giles they never discuss politics, they're far more concerned with being mean and what they're drinking in the evening. Just as well as Esther keeps her voting habits a closely guarded secret. But why do some couples get sucked into political debate? If talking politics doesn't make you sleepy, have you tried being bound, gagged and cuddling up to some terrapins? If you're not convinced, don't worry there are lots of other sleep tips - most of which are genuine. Lastly, it's bye-bye to the cookbook…about time too.And that address: noidea@thetimes.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

**Please hold. Giles and Esther will be with you shortly….[muzak]…Press 1 for the podcast. Press 2 for immediate death or press 3 to speak to a bot who will return you to the main menu…** If there really is no sound more joyful than that of children playing, no wonder the world is so miserable. It is a sound in short supply as children have retreated from playing outdoors to stay indoors on their tech. Former children's commissioner Baroness Anne Longfield has called for ‘no ball games' signs to be removed to get children playing outside again. The trouble is, if they go outside who is there to play with apart from a load of killer dogs and some bloodthirsty gangs? If kids can't play outside, can you take them to work? Well, best to check first in case you're turned away at the door as one lady was with her nine-month-old. Should she have been allowed in, or are some places just not meant to be child friendly?**A new apple app promises to deal with hold music for its users, but Esther doesn't want it.Finally, can you schedule your friends? Lily Allen 40, may do this (or she may just have a good sense of humour.) Either way she has given Giles an idea… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The airline industry has big plans to improve life for economy passengers. But Giles and Esther have a better solution, just fly business class. And while they're at it, ditch Gucci shops, treble the size of Pret and provide free bags to those at the back.Last year Giles' bid to join the The Garrick Club was declined so, as ITV news presenter Julie Etchingham withdraws her candidacy to join surely, he is on her side? Well it depends, was she tortured at school and how much can she drink?Finally, what toll do the small microstresses of life take on us? If only there was a handy survey offering more information and on which a newspaper could loosely hang an article? Oh wait… cue a list of pet hates, and a detour into surveys in general and food surveys in particular. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's a busy day in the Coren house as they prepare to welcome sister podcast ‘Wine Times' for lunch…and wine. But before that the small matter of Gary Lineker leaving the BBC under a cloud of antisemitism. How does Giles feel about his friend's departure and recent tweets? From one complicated subject to another, what is a semicolon and how should one use it? Two published authors might have a chance of figuring it out, a dyslexic producer almost certainly won't.Whilst working from home Giles reflects on research which suggests as many as half of workers would look for another job if asked to return to the office full time. How much would Esther have to be paid to get her back into the office? Finally, will a McDonalds apple pie cure Giles's cancer…? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do the collection of new weight loss drugs offer more than just weight loss? With claims suggesting that they can help lower risks of cancer and improve mood, Giles feels like he is missing out. Is it time for him to tuck in to Mounjaro? Esther is not convinced and if Giles and his peers live to be one hundred and forty, where are all the Gen Z's going to live?If you're lucky enough to come by a luxury copy of Jane Austen's ‘Emma' you may find a handy readers guide; “this novel may not be easy or enjoyable.” What else needs a handy guide – GCSE geography, home cooking, sex?After an oxbow lake via some noises that annoy a quick theatre recommendation for a farce of a play about spies… Readers guide: May contain innuendo and slapstick. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Recent research suggests that most men don't understand what the menopause is. But Giles is not most men, he has a thorough grasp of the topic...or so he thinks until Esther sets him straight. What is it, how will it affect Esther, and can he do anything to help? All good questions, but sadly lost as he is distracted by an image of a very specific type of queue outside the GP's surgery.Giles and Esther have received lots of kind advice and tips on finding their missing neckless, for which they are very grateful. Is there an update, has it been found?As the menopause approaches so too does the day the children leave home. Is the best way to prepare to abandon ambition, give up on sex and don't travel.Finally, Is there anything better than apple pie and pudding sauce? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It has been a pretty bad week for Giles. His article on Zionism generated a mixed reaction, gaining support from some but rebuke from others. Does hearing Esther's take on the matter cause him to rethink? A more domestic problem is Esther's birthday, or rather her present. For once Giles was well prepared, he'd chosen the perfect gift well ahead of time. He knows where he left it, where it should be, but where is it now?In the news a men only publishing house has opened, is it needed and if so, why? It prompts Esther to reveal some big news. Finally, Giles is considering taking up DIO… ‘do it oneself.' Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In a recent interview George Clooney said he and his wife Amal never argue. The Clooneys may not, but the Corens most certainly do! And, as if my magic they demonstrate how to have a good argument…three times…in half an hour!Everything is going well until Giles attempts some in pod production, then there is an unexpected phone call, followed by more production disagreements. It all proves too much and whilst discussing arguments they manage to have a “sh*t stinker” of one. So, this week for illustrative purposes, it stays in the podcast. Thankfully there is a happy ending… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A piece of ground breaking research suggests women are tending to marry men less educated than themselves. Twas ever thus… Esther and Giles are on trend, they have a ‘marriage of unequals' with Esther technically more educated than Giles.A new AI concept offers the chance to talk with fictional characters in books. Might Giles one day be able to chat with Hamlet…the app may prefer he stick to Lucy the turtle for now. Does Badger from Wind in the Willows have a dark secret?In recent weeks Jeff Bezos and David Beckham have each thrown very glamourous parties. But are such parties any good? Do the people attending actually have any fun?Finally, American singer Chappel Roan has lifted the lid on parents – they aren't very happy. Of course not, they have children!Oh, and President Trump's ‘liberation day' tariffs are bound to fail, just don't ask Esther why. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Esther can't bring herself to watch the much vaunted Netflix show ‘Adolescence'. Giles watched it and was deeply moved by it. They discuss just how hard parenting is and the complicated relationship between young people, their phones and social media. With a child able to have the world in the palm of their hand, what role does a parent have?Last week was a tribute to Group Captain Hemingway, this week the next generation of heroes have fallen foul of a judge over a stolen Paddington Bear statue, Giles pleads their case.Finally, I wish it could be Christmas everyday…because nothing bad happens then and it would work wonders for church numbers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How well do Giles and Esther know each other? Cue a game of Mr and Mrs. What A levels did they take, what were their childhood pets called…or let's start simple: “What is your wife's name?” It isn't Farah Fawcett.Continuing the game theme Giles plays “what's in the inflation basket this year? If tinned fish isn't in there, it should be. If Esther can answer correctly, will she win a speed boat?Jeremy Clarkson is back with a Grand Tour spin off…except actually he isn't, he only appears in archive footage. Is it about time to put the whole thing out of its misery… Finally, a respectful salute to Group Captain John ‘Paddy' Hemingway, who died this week. He was the last known Battle of Britain pilot. Talk of him and his life stirs up emotional memories for both Giles and Esther leading to a teary end to the show. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"What's that Lassie? You think you might have ADHD?"Can Giles talk to the animals? Probably not, in fact research suggest none of us can. But does he have ADHD? Esther thinks he might. The prevalence of mental illness is on the rise, could TikTok be to blame? If you ask boomers, it's a case of "pull yourself together" but for Gen Z its "talking about your feelings is good". Giles and Esther take the middle ground and attempt to reconcile the two.Could a whole life's worth be in a desk? A recent employment tribunal has ruled it might, Giles can understand the reasoning.Finally, they wonder if it is time to compensate their neighbours… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What better way to spend pancake day than curling up to watch “With Love, Meghan”But what was it exactly, comedy, horror, a sad documentary? Despite wanting to like it Esther just couldn't. Dinner and candles for imaginary guests, cooking in a cashmere jumper, dragon handlers and all in someone else's house. Was it a case of advice not given or advice not taken?Another day, another step closer to Armageddon as President Trump continues his unique brand of negotiation - worryingly for Giles it is a tactic he uses himself.Debrett's is yet to release a guide to ‘how to host President Trump' but they do offer the very latest in how to eat Al Desko… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Parenting, President Trump and UK net zero - is it time for a reality check? Have the middle classes ruined parenting in the UK? Uber head Katharine Birbalsingh has spoken out on parenting methods, and it's given Giles an idea for a book – “Parenting tips for the working class.” Do the travails of modern parenting have anything in common with the redrawing of post war alliances and UK net zero targets? Could it be that across the board things are a little too comfortable and it is time for shake up? Esther turns to the history books for the answer and espouses the benefits of upheaval and existential threat…purely from an objective standpoint. Anything is better than talking about toilets! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does a 10k goosestep count as a workout? How many Sieg Heils build the perfect bicep? When faced with a Neo Nazi fitness class what can one do except laugh...?As half term approaches everyone in the world is going skiing, everyone except the Corens. Giles and Esther reiterate their disdain for ski holidays. Instead, they'll be having a 1970's style break; they'll work while the kids stay at home and watch the latest season of White Lotus. The new Michelin guide is out but are the numerous new restaurants up to scratch? Perhaps more interesting is the challenge of a vegan restaurant making it onto the list.Lastly, why are people over fifty happier post pandemic…could it be because death is a little closer?Now, which way is Poland? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week Giles revealed that he had been diagnosed with cancer. In this week's episode he relives the moment he found out and the responses of those around him, and his own. Is it a big deal “it's only a dash of cancer after all?” Or are he and Esther in denial? They consider the language around cancer and wonder why Bob hasn't been in touch…?For some light-hearted distraction a one hundred and thirty four page document on how to speak to passengers, ye gods! How to enunciate HampSTEAD and ringing endorsements - “Buy this book it was written by a human.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles has modified his coffee intake and is ready to tackle the pressing issues of the week.First up, say it loud say it proud – Jew! Easier said than done for some…but why is that? Could “People of Nose” be a better option?The touchy-feely millennial generation may actually be the hardest of the lot; they're embracing the potential return of the death penalty.After being overheard making sexual comments Wynn Evans left the strictly live tour to “priorities my wellbeing.” Esther has little sympathy, but Giles wonders about the BBC's casting policy – “We'd like a blokey bloke please…oh god not one like that!”Finally, what is the secret to a good face lift? Don't have one is Esther's tip but is it too late for Gwyneth Paltrow and other multi-millionaires..? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lots of laughs in this week's episode. As Harrow school adopts a therapy puppy, will there be a similar puppy on a bursary…? Either way don't expect the canines to bring much happiness.The good literary agency is closing. Were they victims of the culture war or the marketplace? Giles thinks he knows the answer.A conversation about clever footballers brings up stereotypes but gone are the days when it is acceptable to mock the working classes, Brian. Giles has a brilliant business idea; three products, one audience and a lot of exclamation marks! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After a busy but very enjoyable Christmas Giles and Esther return to ponder some of the talking points of the week.What is a work life balance and how does one get one? How do you wire a plug – why not ask one of Giles many deceased relatives. Is post war rationing the root cause of child obesity? Finally, how to play Fagin without bowing to stereotype and… stop climbing Everest! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As described in the title - a fun festive quiz.We hope you enjoy it. If you do, please share.Merry Christmas, see you in the New Year. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

No new episode this week due to unforeseen circumstances. We'll be back next week with a Christmas Special. See you then. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Where now for Gregg Wallace and the BBC? Esther is focused on the BBC's HR department – what were they doing? Giles ponders the consequences of a decision made twenty years ago. And if this is the new bar for public opprobrium - who might be next? Board games at Christmas, marvellous. All the family sat round the fire, rolling the dice…until one falls asleep, one cheats, and one gets so competitive they flip the board and it all ends in tears. Excellent, let's do it again next year. The governments new junk food advertising ban has caused quite a stir but what is it exactly? Have they really banned porridge, have they actually banned anything? Time for some clarity, insight and war time meal planning. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles thought he was going to be cancelled due to his last two rather edgy pieces. One was about an Israeli restaurant and the other took a big bite out of the super-woke Jaguar re-brand. But, the total opposite happened and everyone loved them. It's all in danger of going to Giles's head and he toys with leaning in and becoming the UK's answer to Joe Rogan. If the culture war is truly over, what happens next? And where does it leave a country that has just elected a government that is now totally out of fashion? Meanwhile, British Airways spends millions on doing up their First Class cabins rather than "...fixing their p***poor app." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After a very quick diversion round rats learning to drive this week's episode begins with a debate over farmers and inheritance tax – a tax dodge for the affluent or a hit to hard working farmers? Giles leans on his knowledge of the French Revolution and his own experience of tax ‘manoeuvring'. Zoe Ball is stepping down from the Radio 2 breakfast show. Is it really to spend more time with her family or is there more to it than meets the eye? Could the North Koreans be involved...? A possible tip for Apple Inc – admit you were wrong then make more money.And lastly, by eck! What a repertoire of accents. Sadly, not all are allowed past the censor. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As the Archbishop of Canterbury resigns Giles asks the key question - does anyone care? Following Donald Trump's election victory there is a rumour doing the rounds that some rich celebrities plan to leave the US for Britain. Do we want them, does anywhere want them? Might they be in for a surprise with the reality of modern London not quite matching the dream…How does one deal with a moth infestation? Top tip: cedar wood, moth balls or sue the house seller for 30million pounds!Finally, what do you get if you cross a Slovenian girl done good, chat GPT and a White House? A FLOTUS memoir – simples! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do Kamala Harris and QPR have in common? Giles and Esther react to the breaking news that Donald Trump is back as the American President. They ponder the reasons and how to break the news to a despondent teenager. Any mood can be lifted by a good cheese trolly, some people can even build a career off the back of a cheese trolly. Can being married also keep one chipper? Depends on who you're married to!Finally, if you own an air fryer it might be spying on you – it's your own fault. And what is a double dip..? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is Kemi Badenoch rude, or just straight talking? Esther has changed her ways and now plays a very polite tactical game; Giles on the other hand takes too much pleasure in expressing his true feelings in glorious technicolour. Who cares if its rude. It's all change at British Airways as they switch from lunch to brunch on many flights; Esther isn't sure what all the fuss is about…How do you get a nickname and what does it say about you if you don't have one? Pee-the-pants and Pester discuss.After the break the decline of the golden arches. As McDonalds' sales dip Giles considers where the burger giant is going wrong. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tomorrow is the big day! Budget Day looms, and we're bringing you a special feature from The Times' brand new show: Feel Better About Money.In her inaugural money chat, Holly Mead is talking about budgeting and the budget. She looks at the many different aspects of money to help you make better financial decisions about pensions, mortgages, investments. With so many suggestions, rumours and supposed leaks about the upcoming budget, what should we be preparing for now and how? Find the new show here: https://shows.acast.com/times-money.Regular Giles programming to resume later in the week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are Sir Keir Starmer and Angela Raynor following in the footsteps of The Coren's builders – telling you how bad the previous tradesmen were?Who is in charge around here? Giles has a boomer bee in his bonnet and wonders if they're just struggling to accept their waning influence in society. He takes to the comments to do battle; but he certainly doesn't call them c…. !Ozempic may be a miracle drug for those overweight, but it is a killer for restaurants. Fear not Esther can save the day.Would you pass a ‘real world' maths test? Would you pass a dad maths test? Time to find out… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All change this week as The Corens are having work done – brick work not cosmetic work. As a result, they have decamped to someone else's house…it prompts discussion about interior decor and the ‘Sandbanks House Wars' where multi-millionaires are competing to build the grandest home.It turns out Christopher Columbus was Jewish; unfortunately, now he has been branded imperialist and racist its 500 years too late for Giles. Is there anyone else that is going to be dumped on the Jewish community?After the break, who are the nicest and nastiest celebs that Giles and Esther have ever met? Mostly uncensored.**One of Brian Clough's autobiographies was titled ‘Cloughie: Walking on Water.' In reference to a song the Nottingham Forest fans used to sing about him. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There are only three weeks left to audition for the new HBO Harry Potter series, sadly for Giles his best wizarding days are behind him, but he has high hopes for his son.In fact, at fifty-five are most of his best days behind him? Who knows, he's too old to care. But he does know what goes best with a square of dark chocolate…“There is no such thing as ‘man flu'” says Giles, but then he goes on to say lots of other things which Esther has more of a problem with.Finally, a great new dating app for the Catholic church and…something else, no its gone, I can't remember. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week officious staff at the national gallery leave a bad impression.Daniel Craig seems to be sporting the latest in parachute wear; the former Bond stars look reminds Giles of an ill-fated inventor in Paris over a hundred years ago.After the break it's sober-October and what's in a name? When it comes to Prostate cancer quite a lot it would appear. Giles tries to re brand the most common male cancer. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Three questions:1) What constitutes modern art? A sieve without a handle, a misshapen squash? Esthers patience with the Turner Prize has reached its limit.2) What's the difference between a banana and a phone? ...what's a banana?3) What's the first rule of customer relations? The customer is always a tw@t.Plus, the positives of Oxbridge sliding down the university league tables.And saving the best till last, look out for Giles and Esther's absolutely fabulous Jane Horrocks impressions.** Contains strong language from the start Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is a freebie, how do you get them and do you have to pay tax?A tale of two particular freebies this week, interspersed with a collection of Giles and Esthers own freebies from the past.While Lady Starmer has fallen foul of some members of the press for her new dresses, Eamonn Holmes has been scoffed at for taking his lady friend on a cruise. Esther and Giles have sympathy, freebies aren't all they're cracked up to be and anyway they're part of the business, aren't they… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther are thrilled to be back from their long summer break, well Esther is.And there is so much to talk about; Keir Starmer has taken a truth serum, but is that what people want? Donald Trump went face to face with Kamala Harris in an animalistic US presidential debate. The weight loss drug Ozempic is now being offered to children and Greggs have launched a range of footwear. The world is still mad. But fear not, take joy in the simple things, just like Giles and Kitty on the way to school… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther send a quick note from their holidays. They'll be back and raring to go next week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A new dawn has broken, has it not… well something like that. Giles and Esther channel their inner Nostradamus to predict last night's results. If, as assumed Sir Keir becomes PM, what does it mean for his family? Giles considers penning an ode to Kentish Town and all that the Starmers will leave behind.As Sir Keir awaits his big result, Giles is waiting for his own important phone call, but its from the NHS so who knows when it will come, today, tomorrow…never. Rumours abound of very underhand tactics being planned within the parental whats app groups of certain private schools. Will it be enough to change Labour policy? Amidst the big news a smaller but perhaps more meaningful event, the closing of a chapter in the Coren household. When dealing with the emotional toll of children growing up, who better to turn to than A. A. Milne or F. Scott Fitzgerald? Finally, women are better at espionage than men…how else did Dame Judi make it to be head of MI6..? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles is feeling bright and breezy, and it's all thanks to Ether. For once he took her advice and tried the latest ‘wonder drug' Naltrexone. What would have otherwise been a night of drunken excess instead turned into a night of charitable excess. He is a convert. Sadly, neither he nor Esther have made any money out of their pharmaceutical evangelism. Keir Starmer has exposed the latest ‘get out of jail free card' for those in public life: ”I'm changing it from the inside.” Seeing it for the cop out that it is they wonder what else could be changed from the inside...?If one wished to be pale, male and stale, how would one go about it? Giles has all the tips you'll need. Esther indulges her love of low-level pettiness and offers it to the listeners for those who share her joy of pointless tiny battles. Finally, a look at the spat between David Tennant and Kemi Badenoch and the effects of success guilt. ** The ambient sounds were out in force this week, with the doors open on a very hot day we had the sound of local children, a workman using an angle grinder and as always, the birds. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In response to a survey suggesting people are turning away from the news Giles and Esther pander to the masses and happily look past the obvious headlines. Who or what constitutes a working man? As the blue and red parties scabble to attract anyone who earns a living Giles is temporarily bewitched by the endless tax breaks on offer from the Reform party. His conscience kicks in but with his new found knowledge of the candidates he does a ‘who said what' quiz for Esther. Little House on the Prairie - an idyllic serene country existence…? Not so fast! If you survive the warring factions on the plain and the syphilis you've still got to fight off the cowboys. Perhaps not the best example of the past to offer to children. Giles and Esther consider some better examples, and more pertinent advice for the young people of today. Lastly, could it really be true that privately educated children are thinner in middle age than their state educated counter parts? Of course not, Esther is suitably exasperated. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Esther is front page news after writing about a drug which helps with alcoholism…unusually she hasn't just written about naltrexone, she's tried it. It leads to a discussion about the results of alcohol abuse within different economic groups. As ever the Germans are ahead of the game, they've decided to only sell England football fans low alcohol beer.Rishi Sunak has once again shown his gift for the uncommon touch; Giles thinks he shouldn't be let lose without a minder. What is the point of going to university? Giles and Esther disagree, but both can see the endless benefits of going to boarding school.Bring back kids TV, so says Russel T Davis. Esther likes the idea but what would one bring back, TISWAS, Swap Shop or Going Live? Finally, as protests sweep the nation Giles has a cunning idea, a protest against his own podcast… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stephen Fry has upset the ruddy faced members of the MCC; it has left Giles awkwardly fiddling with his box as he balances his desire to join the MCC with his admiration for Mr Fry.No such trouble with Keir Starmer and Rishi Sunak who come in for equal disdain. Was it a debate or a barrister and a banker meeting at the school gates? Or a special episode of Numberwang…?The debate slid to one side Esther and Giles consider a throbbing question; What are the most annoying ‘corporate speak' phrases? Low hanging fruit, blue sky thinking…? Whichever it is, Giles and Esther are about to smut them up for you.Esther thinks Giles has a big one, Giles thinks it is actually quite small, certainly not as big as Fergie's. Thank goodness the late Queen Elizabeth insisted Fergie parade hers in public…After all the saucy talk Esther needs a stiff drink…but not on a plane.Finally, its back to the election as Rishi Sunak enlists Tom Cruise into his campaign team… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther are away this week. In their absence here is a short collection of recent highlights.Giles faces a late fitness test. Esther takes the AA road quiz. And why won't flying taxis go south of the river...?Hope you enjoy them. Please do like and share and we'll see you next week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.