Make Room For Sports

Only Simon and Mikal show up for the episode and it's unclear if they cover Sports News or not.  They do discuss prunes and O.J. Simpson. Don't bother emailing us.

After a brief, unnecessary discussion of Jordan Peterson, we offer the definitive word on Mikal and Simon's trip to the Spurs/Clippers game, what happened to Joel Embiid, why Markelle Fultz is a tragic hero, the Connor McGregor UFC 223 thing, and Kevin Shiflett, America's premier chin balancer.  We explain our new feelings about the kiss cam for 2018, which differ from our feelings on it from 2017. Mikal again confronts his Gatorade addiction but misspells his name. Trigger Warning: at the end of the episode, we make the terrible mistake of opening up the MRFS phone line and we receive a truly harrowing call from Grayson Allen. It does not go well. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

The first episode of 2018 in which all four of the MRFS guys manage to show up.  And they really regret it.  After a few months sabbatical, the sports groove is gone.  Too bad since Simon managed to set up an interview with Tom Brady, who talks way too much about Giselle and some other semi-offensive stuff, while the MRFS guys are mysteriously quiet. The episode also features brief commentary on Duke's loss, which can be blamed on Grayson Allen.  The guys honor Sports Day, the beginning of the sports year, which everyone knows is every March 25th.  Mikal gives a sneak preview of his book report on the biography of MLB hero Roberto Clemente.  Mikal also tries to share some knowledge on lesser known sports such at Wife Carrying and Chess Boxing.  And the most average sized NBA player is revealed!  We apologize in advance.

At America's behest, we preview the big game in all its glory. We enumerate all the major story lines, including why the Eagles are so fun and why the Patriots are the absolute worst. Then Mike fields a bunch of questions about Philadelphia sports history, Mikal premiers a new segment about SUPER BOWL SNACK FACTS, and Dave drops some NBA knowledge right at the buzzer. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

We're back with another hour of the most true sports facts permissible by law, including some thoroughly on-brand stories: Blake Griffin's injury at the hands of JaVale McGee, the Brown's 0-16 parade, the Chiefs second half debacle, and Jon Gruden's catch phrases. PLUS: why do voice's crack, Joel Embiid and Markelle Fultz went to the mall, Weekend at Bernie's theory, Dr. J is OK again, what's up the score 33 in football, Andrew Bogut got released, and Bills and Bengals fans are doing something or other with buffalo wings. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

Simon is out this week getting his braces fixed.  As a result, we offer a powerful reading of Kobe Bryant's epistolary masterwork "Dear Basketball," which raises meaningful questions about contemporary poetry, split-screens, socks, kenpark, and, eventually, Jose Canseco. Then Dave reports on the Magic Johnson/Isaiah Thomas friendship summit, updates us on how we should feel about Russell Westbrook, and drops some sincere knowledge about NBA scoring trends and analytics. Mike then floats his self-loathing theory that WHITE NERDS are the worst kind of fan, and finally Mikal tries to avoid a thoroughly problematic conversation about gender roles when he explains why boys are attracted to trains and balls.  And we forget to do Top Plays of the Week. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

We recorded this episode MERE MINUTES after God smote the knee of Carson Wentz, and as result, Mike's emotional state is so compromised that his weird vibe settled on the whole crew, resulting in our most PROBLEMATIC and DEPRESSING episode ever. Simon regales us with his story about the clock malfunction at the Clippers/Wizards game he recently attended, we re-break the news of the time M. Night Shyamalan compelled Bryan Cranston to spank Tony Parker, and bumble through a segment on the Daryl Takahashi cat saga. Then Mikal finds a website about NBA cats and uses it to teach Mike something about being a man, who subsequently offers a SHOWSTOPPING REFERENCE to John Keats and half-recalls a story about Kevin Durant Hiding from Demarcus "Boogie" Cousins. At the end, and with the force of ONE THOUSAND WINDS, Mikal brings forth a Gatorade Hot Five Top Five.

Our mysterious fan from Hong Kong emerges with a guest spot on today's episode and teaches us about Chinese sports, Canadian sports, Badminton, the Grey Cup, and watching the NFL in China. To our delight, he surprises us with his sports knowledge, shares some childhood details, and talks about brushing his teeth. Simon accidentally stumbles upon an idea for a great movie premise, Mikal is only vaguely problematic once or twice, Demarcus "Boogie" Cousins is mentioned exactly once, and we field a Chinese Dragon Racing team. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

Another week, another epic episode of sports news delivered by the only people left who understand sports.  Simon comes out strong as we discuss Eli Manning being euthanized, old school colognes like Drakkar Noir, the flammability of Brut, the sadness of watching the Sixers blow a strong lead, the possibility of Joel Embiid's top-notch shit talking actually being a sign of some deep-seeded insecurity, Mikal hearing a beeping sound no one else hears, TJ McConnell being worth it, what the coach said to Giannis Antetokounmpo that made him say the F-word, how virginity affects sports play, and the introduction of the theory that everyone on the 76ers is a virgin.

The Sixers swelled and then punctured America's heart in their loss to known ISIS supporters the Golden State Warriors, but that's okay because our despair is zinger-friendly. Mikal gives a Gatorade addiction update, we talk about microphones for some reason, and then, around the halfway point, things heat up: we figure out the LiAngelo Ball thing, Dave provides a few consumer safety reports (it's likely you've consumed glass), and we spend, unbelievably, more than ten minutes distinguishing between Jusef Nurkic and Nikola Jokic. At the end, with nowhere to turn, we see who can name the most animals in fifteen seconds. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

We return to two long-overlooked corners of the show: MIKAL'S DROPS and TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK. We also blabber about whether the Sixers are too fun, and why Thursday Night Football is dumb, and how popular we were at our friend's wedding. Dave has a story about meeting the Islanders' chef, Simon explains the Keurig coffee controversy, and we still dislike Bill Simmons and Malcolm Gladwell.   Help us help you:   makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

Disclaimer: We do not mention LiAngelo Ball in this episode. https://www.aol.com/article/news/2017/11/08/liangelo-ball-and-ucla-teammates-could-face-3-10-years-in-prison-if-convicted-of-shoplifting/23270456/

We venture deep, deep into the forest of our love for YOU, THE LISTENER, and return with MAXIMUM ZINGERS PER MINUTE about the odds of Colin Kaepernick getting indicted by Robert Mueller, a timely primer on DORF DOES GOLF, and the best NFL theme songs. Because of the particular conditions of our parole, we're obligated to explain what we think football coaches should wear in the rain, but with that business out of the way, we are free to serve PIPING HOT KNOWLEDGE ENTREES to satiate what most hungers you: What's up with Markelle Fultz? Why is Bob McNair so awful? Is Marshawn Lynch the coolest? Why did Kiko Alonso carry Taylor Gabriel? How can our own Dave Dominique forgive himself for a 1980s baseball incident on the playground? Why and how are the World Series baseballs lubed up? We also announce an exciting eventual partnership with Big Baller Brand, get to the bottom of the Thunder's numinous plane dent thing, and Mike tries yet again to articulate his Lacanian analysis of quarterback futility and is saved, perhaps, by Dave, who says it right. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter HELPFUL LINKS Kiko Alonso carries an adversary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE2xLQqK-PE Marshawn Lynch practices with high school team: https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/10/26/16552984/marshawn-lynch-high-school-practice-wrecked-teens

Without rhyme or reason, we deliver unto you: a spirited roundtable of World Series talk (it'll be hot, or something); a rough sketch of the Eastern Conference's imminent rise to power, with a special focus on Joel Embiid and Giannis Antetokounmpo; and more talk than is, strictly speaking, necessary about the following: a yelp review of a supermarket in Couer d'Alene, Idaho; a sad eyes contest between Andre Drummond and Anthony Davis; who knows what about whether or not Markelle Fultz has the yips or a bad shoulder; and, believe it or not, much, much more. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

America's only podcast delivers correct opinions on the Roger Federer/Klay Thompson ping pong match, the First Annual WHO IS THE NBA KING OF MAKE ROOM FOR SPORTS Gambling Challenge, and NFL Week Six updates, including celebration sub-updates. Most importantly, we introduce the new NBA season, so of course we can't stop ourselves from talking about Andrew Bogut and Zaza Pachulia for ten minutes, but lucky for you we also offer in-depth predictions for the Warriors, Thunder, Rockets, Sixers, Brook Lopezes, and Pelicans.   Help us help you:   makeroomforsports@gmail.com @ makeroom4sports on Twitter

Don't worry, America, we're back with another week of correct opinions on what matters most: Christian Pulisic's savior status, Steve Bartman and this week's near-Bartman incident, Jeremy Lin's dreadlocks, a goalie whose helmet has an image of the Iverson stepover, Yasiel Puig's sexy antics and Sports Kink in general, and Kevin McHale's James Harden appraisal. We also form actual English sentences about things done or said by Enes Kantor, Carmello Anthony, the 49ers, and the WNBA finals. Plus: Mike Pence takes in some gridiron action, Mikal has anger issues, and much, much more! Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

Week Four of the NFL is in the can, and America's most celebrated sports bros bring you the final word on what happened, including live updates from Dave throughout the episode. We also cover Jason Peters signing a prosthetic leg, the NFL guy whose wife claims he was tricked into protesting, Juju Smith-Schuster's touchdown celebration, the hockey league that time forgot, Carlos Ruiz shouting names of animals to get amped before games, watching sports on Amazon, game three of the WNBA finals, Lonzo Ball doing something or other, and Mikal's recipe for moonshine Gatorade. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports

We flap our gums about the national anthem protests that swept through the league on Sunday, and the counter protests, and Trump's pro-concussion stance. Then we get into Aaron Hernandez's CTE diagnosis and his daughter's forthcoming lawsuit against the NFL, Odell Beckham Jr.'s piss dance, PLAYS OF THE WEEK, Week Three's installment of America's favorite new segment Guess Who Won?, and the Kevin Durant burner Twitter account fiasco. On a sad note, Mikal breaks some upsetting Andrew Bogut news to Simon. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter IMPORTANT LINKS: Jake Elliott's game winning field goal: http://deadspin.com/eagles-beat-giants-with-rookie-kicker-s-buzzer-beating-1818707327 Durant burner Twitter: https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/joel-embiid-and-rest-of-nba-twitter-poke-fun-at-kevin-durants-social-media-habits/ Marcus Cooper's fumble: https://www.si.com/nfl/2017/09/24/chicago-bears-marcus-cooper-sr-leon-lett-fumble-endzone-video Lebron James mocks Trump: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/23/sports/football/trump-nfl-kaepernick.html

America asked, and Mikal delivered: we present to you his delirious new segment about new snack options at 7-11. Then we talk about some other things, but we don't remember what; we also don't remember when we recorded this, or, frankly, why.   Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

Simon's entwined in yet another web of lies in "San Antonio," but the remaining bros BRING THEIR A+ GAME and cover the Rockets sale to Tilmon Fertitta (not, as we'd hoped, Beyonce). Mike reminisces about going to church with Tshitenge Mutumbo and growing up watching Manute Bol, and then doubles down on his Tall Persons Die First theory; we introduce a new segment called WEIGHT UPDATE; Mikal shares the story of Hailey Dawson, who wants to be the first person with a 3-D printed hand to throw out the first pitch in every MLB stadium, and Dave breaks the news of Rafael Nadal's big US Open victory, which prompts us to hold an impromptu, interminable round of Dreamboat or Shipwreck. We get A LITTLE BIT CONFUSED about the difference between official sports media and Mikal's younger friends and are thereby momentarily convinced of an improbable trade, and our audio gets blurry, but we get back on track and figure out whether Anthony Davis can shit talk in the locker room if he has to, and what Future is talking about.   Help up help you:   makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

Choosing service over self, Mikal continues his fan fiction about the misadventures of Rajon Rondo and DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins.

We welcome our friend and Dallas Cowboys Superfan Jess Holloway, who despite our incredulity convinces us of the existence of something called Jerry World, a location in Texas where an oilman has entombed a big TV and some art. Then we talk about fantasy football, which confuses and frightens us, and sexy touchdown celebrations, and finally, we get updates on Ezekiel Elliott, Colin Kaepernick, sad Jets fans from Hoboken, and the Cleveland Police, who are, like, protesting.   Help us help you: @makeroom4sports on Twitter                        makeroomforsports@gmail.com     HELPFUL LINKS   Gerald McCoy tests NFL rule prohibiting sexy dances: http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-network-hard-knocks/0ap3000000830288/Hard-Knocks-McCoy-tests-boundaries-of-new-celebration-rule

In our first of two half-hour episodes this week, we try to figure out what happened to Episode 737, which requires us to increase our CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS, develop a HEALTHY and SHARED META-NARRATIVE, and achieve EMOTIONAL and BEHAVIORAL RESOLUTION. Then we give America WHAT IT NEEDS: Simon's deep reportage on watching the Mayweather/McGregor fight at a movie theater with his father, his uncle's triumph at the Ironman Coeur d'Alene, an ESPN story about the NFL's CTE research project about jockeys, and the economic and gustatory disappointment of whiskey tastings. PLUS: Mike continues his desperate search for a moral relativism that permits him to watch football, Mikal keeps shouting the name Homer Jones, Dave breaks some college football injury news, and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!! Help us help you: @makeroom4sports on Twitter makeroomforsports@gmail.com

After lingering in pre-production for months, Dave's encouragement that Mikal write fan fiction about his two favorite b-ball bosom buddies, DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins and Rajon Rondo, became a no-brainer when the friends reunited on the New Orleans Pelicans this summer. The result is Part 1 of the untitled Rondo & Boogie fan fiction project, originally appearing at the end of MRFS Episode 736, but posted here as it's own stunning excerpt. To be continued...

In this micro-bonus episode, the MRFS team endorses Justin Bieber's Twitter, the Internet's second-ranked wellspring of uninformed sports musing. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter

This week Simon is in the PENALTY BOX, so we replace him with Mike's nephew Eero, who considers the ethics of football, the politics of OJ Simpson's return to civilian life, and what's for dinner. Then, THE LAST BROS STANDING get into TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK, claim squatter's rights in SIMON'S RESEARCH CORNER, and parse the Chandlers. Plus: despite the recommendations of our fans and doctors, we spend ten minutes googling the names of professional athletes who attended the University of Florida, announce some astounding news about a forthcoming secret guest (Rick Fox), Mikal clarifies some clinical terminology, Mike's mom emails a correction and regret, we revisit our favorite Justin Bieber tweet, and we offer the FINAL WORDS on why Hillary Clinton lost and sending Kraftwerk songs in text threads. And then, in the last, hallucinatory five minutes, Mikal premiers chapter one of his Rajon Rondo/DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins fan fiction. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter LINKS TO PLAYS OF THE WEEK: Tim Tebow hit in head: http://nypost.com/2017/08/13/tim-tebow-drilled-in-the-head-with-a-fastball/ NFLPA President not worried about potential strike: https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/nflpa-president-doesnt-care-if-nfl-dies-out-in-20-years-due-to-strike-or-lockout/

Mike and Dave are OUT OF BOUNDS this week, but the gentle sports bros fight the war of attrition by enlisting expert Allison Miller. Basking in the BRIGHT LIGHTS of her knowledge, we journey deep into the woods of what matters most: How big is a soccer field? Are we allowed to enjoy the NFL? What is a tie? What's the deal with Sepp Blatter? Then, in our ONGOING DESPERATE ATTEMPT to avoid baseball, we inveigle Allison into giving us a bluffer's guide to soccer, which guide includes brief appendices on Eddie Murphy, The Spice Girls, the Britney Spears film CROSSROADS, a German language vocabulary pop quiz, memory palaces based on Matthew McCounaughey films, OJ Simpson Youtube clips, Bo Jackson Youtube clips, and of course Ali Krieger of the Orlando Pride. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports on Twitter LINKS TO TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK Nick Zammarelli hit by own foul ball: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/minor-league-dh-hit-head-foul-ball-article-1.3393603 Jordan Montgomery hit in head while signing autographs: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/yankees/yankees-montgomery-hit-head-batted-ball-signing-autographs-article-1.3406447 Alex Morgan amazing goal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSE3A2_rsQ8

Dave returns triumphantly to America, Mike is behind a dumpster on an island near Seattle, and most importantly, we're joined by Hilary Plum, who drops TEN TONS OF KNOWLEDGE BOMBS. We cover literally every issue that matters: the physical difficulties of wiffle ball, the approximate length of a soccer match, the ethics of competing against your friend's mom, whether or not sports riots are fun, Kelsey Plum, Steph Curry's golf game, Kevin Durant's wardrobe, and Michael Jackson. We also GET SERIOUS about playground bullies, flops of many varieties, Ted Bundy, faking your own death, cartwheeling goalies, and the awfulness of the NFL's treatment of Colin Kaepernick. Somewhere in there Mikal debuts a new segment called NEW SPORTS WORD. Help us help you: Twitter @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports@gmail.com LINKS TO THIS WEEK'S TOP PLAYS: Kevin Durant wears Morrissey T-shirt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VlHj2P7eJY Stephen Curry plays golf: http://www.golf.com/tour-news/2017/08/06/tour-confidential-was-steph-curry-experiment-success Candace Parker's triple double: http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sparks-stars-20170728-story.html Amazing softball catch: http://www.flosoftball.com/video/1236460-icymi-sam-torres-makes-the-superwoman-grab#.WYjsgaYbQTl

Mike's gone this week so I have to write the episode summary and I can't remember what we talked about. Dave's in an Icelandic hostel, Mikal's driving around his neighborhood for some reason and I'm just in my apartment, like always. We definitely talked about sumo wrestling for awhile and the Legends Football League and we became gradually more curious about tennis and soccer. Probably not one of our better episodes; I'm not going to try to oversell it.

This week, we flub and glug our way through the tall grass of the week in sports, but we also get to the BARE BOTTOM of some emotional trauma: Mikal and Dave mend fences in the wake of an argument about Malcolm Gladwell, Simon explains why he scrubbed us from social media, and we cover an important Mayweather/McGregor correction and regret from last week. Then we tilt our ears to the ground, the better to hear the Kyrie Irving trade rumblings, and we lose ourselves in the LEBRON QUESTION, the KAEPERNICK QUESTION, and the BOOGIE/RONDO question. At the end of it all, we offer the final word on how the gig economy will eventually render the Warriors irrelevant, predicting with TERRIFYING CLARITY how it will come to pass. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram World's deepest swimming pool: http://www.independent.co.uk/travel/y-40-deep-joy-the-worlds-deepest-swimming-pool-9751484.html MMA fighter throws up (very gross, do not watch): http://ftw.usatoday.com/2017/07/mma-fighter-dqd-video-disqualified-vomit-puke-fight-jesse-reasoner-sean-needham-kop Chad Johnson impersonator: http://www.theroot.com/a-chubby-black-guy-tried-to-impersonate-chad-johnson-an-1797061331

Dave is drinking Finland's biggest Negroni, Mikal is waylaid in Costco, and Mike and Simon are more or less regular. FOR NO GOOD REASON we critique academic residencies from the right and ourselves from the left, but as is GOOD AND PURE we can only be ourselves, so we pass the time CRAPPING OUR PANTS about underwater welding, coral reef poetry, curling, and Mölkky, which means we are BOUND BY LAW to reflect on the relationship between DEEP PERSONAL SHAME and FROZEN YOGURT. After that--and only because of some TRULY DRACONIAN LABOR LAWS--we grin and bear it through the tediousness of the ESPYs, the Mayweather/MacGregor press tour hellscape, the moral difficulty of googling female tennis stars, Wimbledon specifically and in general, and Lonzo Ball.

Mikal is in his car and doesn't know where he is, but he knows WHERE HE'S GOING. Simon is back in LA (!), Dave is whispering in Finland, and the MRFS gang is MORE SERIOUS THAN EVER about flying insects at Wimbleton, tennis tantrums, Chris Paul's 2015 interaction with referee Lauren Holtkamp, and Dave's tiny Danish nemesis. We don't even CARE WHY but we press on towards a bunch of junk and stuff that orients us toward a endless horizon of TENNIS GOSSIP and laundry talk, which FORCES us to STRAP IN to a TOO-LONG chat about washer/dryer rights, Lonzo Ball's debut, Dave's SNEAK PEEK into American football in Finland, John McEnroe's big number fetish, racquetball in general, and badminton--all kidding aside. FINALLY, we lament the D to G tranfer of LEAGUES, and at the end end of it all we get to the bottom of Mikal's Gatorade's insobriety and the pychedelic qualities of reindeer urine. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

While Simon serves a one-week suspension, the rest of us shit talk him and eventually ENTER OUR SUSPSIONS about his identity as a Hollywood fimmaker INTO THE PUBLIC RECORD. We talk NBA free agency, which, frankly, is a bit of a snooze, but eventually we get our SEA LEGS under us and deliver the STRAIGHT DOPE about tennis dreamboats, which of us has the best voice, the history of the high-five, Mikal's Gatorade sobriety, and how Mikal should feel about Colin Kaepernick. Mike's shower curtain: https://www.amazon.com/Galaxy-Animal-Design-Polyester-Curtain/dp/B00Y2IDS96/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1499367999&sr=8-7&keywords=funny+shower+curtain Simon's shower curtain: https://www.amazon.com/Slothzilla-Shower-Curtain-Climbing-Animal/dp/B00I53704S/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1499367999&sr=8-4&keywords=funny+shower+curtain Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

After six months of SWEET ANTICIPATION, Mikal finally has cause to bring up Brook and Robin Lopez, the NBA's most famous set of twins. Mike wants to know if Mikal's friend liked his Lonzo Ball joke, Simon gets compared to Jimmy Butler and wants to know if that's praise or defamation, and we illuminate upcoming Connor McGregor/Floyd Mayweather fight. Then, at America's behest, we CRANK UP our SPORTS EXPERTISE to LEVEL 11 in order to bring you STRAIGHT DOPE on the way tennis matches are scored, which leads to a series of BONUS THESES about tennis grunts, ball boys, Steph Curry's mouthguard, grass vs. Klay, and other junk about stuff. Finally, we ask the tough questions about baseball and, inevitably, wind up talking about nipples. Plus: Mike admits he was once too embarassed to purchase boxing gloves, we (sorry) test the mechanical fortitude of the PROBLEMATIC SPEECH COUNTER, and much, much more!!! Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

Dave texts us some vibes in absentia but is otherwise ON SPORTS HIATUS AGAIN in the Nordic woods, so the original sports pals grit our teeth and serve up another JAM-PACKED hour of topical sports analysis: Mikal eats burritos on the beach, THE BOOK OF HENRY gave Simon a hangover, Rafael Nadal is the best on Klay Thompson, it's unethical to ask NBA players to stop throwing things in baskets during the offseason, LeBron James: Bladder Analysis, WIMBLEDON IS COMING UP and we know how to spell Wimbledon and Wimbledon does or does not include a free breakfast, and we enjoy the visual ASMR of hydraulic press videos live on the air. Plus: THE PROBLEMATIC SPEECH COUNTER, THAT'S FRIENDSHIP, LET'S GET SERIOUS, and much, much more!!! makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

The three founding SPORTS BROS convene a meeting of the original MRFS triumvirate and go WHOLE HOG on the week in "sports" "news": Steph Curry's air dump! The male stripper and chihuahua who performed at halftime at the Oracle Arena this week! And other junk! Then we spend ten minutes falling in love with Justin Bieber's sports tweets, permitting their obscure beauty to shine a light onto our own OFFICIAL PODCAST MISSION STATEMENT. Due to a complicated legal situation, we spend about ten minutes TALKIN' NHL HOCKEY, which, in a sinister twist, leads to an exchange in which Mikal declares he will only stop snacking on-air if Mike spanks himself. And then--more junk! Mike tells an embarrassing story about a late-night mistext involving "Whomp There it Is" by Tag Team, we fantasize about Grayson Allen having elective leg surgery, Mikal breaks some news about Charles Barkley, and Simon reports on Gatorade Gum, Big League Chew, and something he claims is real called Qwench Gum. We'll try harder next week. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com @makeroom4sports makeroomforsports on Instagram

We gather around the Skype-glow in the cold light of Saturday morning to recap Game 4 of Calves/Boringers and chat about Dwayne Wade's outfit, the Warriors' PB&J situation, LeBron James' self-pass, Steph Curry's air dump, Draymond Green's phantom technical foul, and Zaza Pachulia's general terribleness. We also come up with a bunch of new nicknames for Iman Shumpert that are likely to shake you to your very core. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

The gang tracks down Dave, who calls in from Finland while on SPORTS ASSIGNMENT, and we get distracted for the first twenty minutes jibber-jabbering about Salibandyliiga (a.k.a. floorball) (a.k.a. we don't know what it is), curling, jai alai, eSports, and the USA Rock Paper Scissors League, the end result of which is our DEFINITIVE SETTLING of the issue of popular and unpopular sports whose participants have or do not have a sense of humor about the sports themselves. In the second half of the show, Mikal offers a heartfelt (?) admission that he is addicted to Gatorade, and we SOMEHOW, with no regard for our own basic BIOLOGICAL NEEDS, also serve up the final word on Shaquille O'Neal's 1999 dunk on Chris Dudley, the 1965 Koufax/Marichal/Roseboro kerfuffle, common Saved By the Bell plot points, Mr. Met's delightful obscenity, and Kevin Durant dunking on everybody. Then, AT LONG LAST, Mike offers his delirious Marxist perspective on sports viewing and we premiere Mikal's NBA Finals theme song, a Lynchian masterstroke that requires of you a lot of time and at least one diaper. Plus: THAT'S FRIENDSHIP, PROBLEMATIC SPEECH COUNTER, LET'S REPHRASE THAT, and much, much more!!! Shaq's rude dunk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ICBi-ku-G0 Catfish on the ice! https://theringer.com/2017-stanley-cup-finals-penguins-predators-catfish-throw-6aa380f6e6c4 Koufax/Marichal/Roseboro:http://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/13463881/juan-marichal-hit-john-roseboro-bat-ugly-baseball-brawl-50-years-ago Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

This week, Mikal is OUT RIDING FENCES, Simon is not sleeping well, Mike's headphones won't cooperate, and Dave has wifi problems: STRAP IN, AMERICA. Throughout this horrifying hour we pull the thread of America's SPORTS SWEATER and offer the final word on all the sports issues keeping you up at night: single-payer healthcare, LaVar Ball's brilliant hijinks, the Clinton campaign's downfall, the beards of the NBA finals, and President Erdogan of Turkey. Because of a court mandate, we also do TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK, LET'S GET PERSONAL, GUT FEELINGS, THAT'S FRIENDSHIP, and LITERALLY thousands of other segments. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

This week, Dave completes his METEROIC RISE from guest all the way to host because Simon is on sports sabbatical. The remaining GENTLE BROS wade through the shallow waters of the world's most pressing sports news and carry those matters through their own psychological fogs, the end result of which is a JAM-PACKED romp including many of your favorite segments: LET'S ANALYZE IT, LET'S GET PERSONAL, THAT'S FRIENDSHIP, and, of course, TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK. We spend half of the episode talking about Kevin Love and the other half Googling the names of hockey players. Also, this week features a white-hot MRFS listener-submitted theme song by the Ujj Family Band. DON'T MISS IT. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

We welcome our friend Norith Soth, who offers a taxonomy of lovable losers and helps us theorize what in the world happened to James Harden in Game 6. Then we ROLL UP OUR SLEEVES and educate ourselves about back surgery, Simon and Mikal's live WNBA experience, free throws in general, a whole bunch of other junk, and the week's TOP PLAYS. On the bright side, Mikal records while driving through a loud rainstorm, so this is by far our most relaxing and sleepable episode yet. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

Listeners: this is a strange episode. Mikal, who called out sick with the barfs, is guilted into calling in after we started, but his call causes Skype to splinter into several different conversations between or among random combinations of the four of us. Somehow, Simon managed to record a̶l̶l̶ some of them, and we've since spent what a pilot makes in a year in order to edit them into one dimension-busting hour of DEEPLY INFORMED "sports" "analysis," i.e. fifty-five minutes of HOOPS BLABBER that gives way to Simon's report on his night at a Muay Thai event at a Burbank hotel. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

Mike berates the NFL draft LIVE FROM PHILADELPHIA: there's a zip line, and the draftees like helping kids, and the traffic was bad. We learn the difference between the films DRAFT DAY and BACKDRAFT, shit talk Malcolm Gladwell, and then decide to talk about quarterbacks for fifteen minutes even though football season is five months away. But eventually–mercifully–we roll up our sleeves and get to the TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK. Then we decide to learn a thing or two (but no more than two) about tennis, and we help Mikal brainstorm for his new song about the NBA Playoffs. But most important, this week we make podcast history by introducing the PROBLEMATIC SPEECH COUNTER so we can finally become passably decent citizens. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

Our last episode was so replete with errors and misgivings that we spend about twenty minutes this week making amends with America and the world. Then we crack into the HOTTEST SPORTS NEWS of the week: Grayson Allen is returning for one more year of trips and giggles, Blake Griffin has Blake Griffin'd his big toe, what's up with Rondo?, and lots of gum flapping about Houston/OKC. Things take a problematic turn into the world of gangs and sex, but we get back on track with some TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK. Do it to it: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

We are joined by the suspiciously knowledgeable and charming sports expert Albro Lundy, who puts us through the paces and brings our various ineptitudes into stark relief. After exhausting our baseball knowledge talking about the Marlins' celebrity feral cat, most of the episode is Albro and Dave going full HOOP NERD together in what is, hopefully not for worse, our most professional-seeming episode yet. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

Baby Dash is back on the scene! We have a totally gauche conversation about how much money everyone makes before moving on to the TOP SPORTS NEWS of the week, mainly: Yadier Molina or Tom Brady eats glass or gets a baseball stuck to him, or neither, or something. For some reason, Simon and Mikal role play a patient/therapist scenario, during which the SPORTS BROS get up to date on the best practices in handling panic attacks. After that, things get hard to describe, but for the record: Mikal can't stop thinking about animals that die on the field of play, we're confused about what happens in Detroit or Cleveland or New York, Simon hails from a town of perverts, and we allocate no fewer than four minutes to a delineation of the virtues of CAT NECKTIES. Help us help you: makeroomforsports@gmail.com, or tweet at Simon

Without any regard for our own emotional wellness or audience preference, in what is surely a WORLD HISTORICAL RECORD, we offer a SECOND EPISODE this week: Mike and Mikal pitch a HOOPS MOVIE to Simon, Dave and Simon square off to see who can name more sports in a minute, Simon and Mikal preview the WNBA season, Dave disambiguates the NBA MVP race, and we settle some long-standing feuds and slights. We end up where we always do: talking about the facial hair of the Golden State Warriors and accusing each other of various degrees of political incorrectness. Stand up and be heard: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

It's April Fools' day, but Mikal is wearing compression pants FOR REAL. Mike wins the TOP PLAY OF THE WEEK CONTEST in an apiological tour de force, we talk--yet again--about the difference between Warren and Jimmy Buffett, update America about MARCH MADNESS, and articulate our despair about how long and potentially boring baseball season might be. Plus: Simon lectures his friends about how to chew tobacco and develops his theory of no-pants baseball, Dave improves the show exponentially by keeping a shot clock, and (we're sorry) MUCH, MUCH MORE!!! Helpful links: Mikal's full NCAA song "Don't Drop the Ball" https://soundcloud.com/nastymillionaire/ncaa-march-sadness-dont-drop-the-ball-official-ncaa-theme-song Article and video about Jamarion Styles: http://usatodayhss.com/2017/video-florida-middle-schooler-with-no-arms-hits-buzzer-three Bees on the baseball field: http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/ct-bees-swarm-spring-training-game-20170331-story.html

This is one of our thirteen all-time worst episodes, the lone bright spot of which is the debut of Mikal's new March Madness theme song, "Don't Drop the Ball." Later, Dave scouts the 2017 NBA draft, we meander through the week's "TOP" "PLAYS," talk about punching yet again, and lament our brackets, which are the worst brackets in the world. At the end of the show, Mikal unveils his new segment TOP TALK TOP THREE HOT TODDY, which is worth sticking around for. America has spoken: makeroomforsports@gmail.com

This week on the show, the sports fellows bring their agonizing brilliance to bear on the first two rounds of MARCH MADNESS. Among all the sweet hoops riffs, they manage to MAKE ROOM FOR the all week's hottest sports junk: Mikal's fever dream about the ritualistic cutting of nets, the preponderance of John Turturro haircuts in this year's tournament, the flat Earth: Shaq edition, another round of TOP PLAYS, and reports on the sports movie classics GUS and THE AIR UP THERE as well as popular Japanese anime series KOROKO NO BASKET. We are legally prohibited from not podcasting: makeroomforsports@gmail.com