Blended - Navigating The Blended Family Experience

We've addressed who it is that we prioritize during singlehood and the early stages of blending. It's time to talk about what comes first when things get serious. Getting this right for our family has not been easy, but it is without question one of our greatest achievements! 

The process of blending your family is not a free-for-all! The decisions we make about how we spend our time, the well-being of our children and the proper way to invest into a love interest are crucial. This means we have to have our priorities straight. Depending on what stage you find yourself the person that requires your investment may look one way or another. Nonetheless, my wife and I have learned that a successful blend depends heavily on keeping the first things first! 

While apologizing is can be considered difficult for obvious reasons, being on the receiving end of an apology can be just as hard for reasons that aren't so apparent. The temptation to open up the floodgates and pounce on the opportunity at hand can seem irresistable. Whether we want them to understand the full weight of their transgression, or we're hoping to share a little bit of the pain, being slightly petty during the "I'm sorry" is something we all have to face at some point. However, those long term results that we want, require grace and a whole lot of tact while we're in the process! 

Another overlooked practice within the family unit, apologizing! This is a gift within every home and a skill to be developed. It's more than just saying "I'm sorry".... genuine apologies result in stronger connections as our homes choose the humility of admission over the pride of pointing the finger. Getting to this point takes time and what may feel like losses in the short term. However, the long-term benefits for the development of our kids and the intimacy within our marriages far outweighs the growing pains! 

Being a parent within the blended family dynamic is incredible! When things are hitting on all cylinders and we recognize traces of a ripple effect that we can trace back to our efforts, there's hardly a more satisfying feeling. There may also be moments when we ask, "what did I get myself into?" It's in these moments that we can begin to question whether we would have made the same decisions and taken that same path had we known what lay ahead. Listen in on this episode as I get real honest about the times that I've asked myself this same question, and I'll share a recent revelation that has completely changed my perspective! 

Venting is an important part of regulating ourselves (a.k.a maintaining sanity), and it should be prioritized! Letting a little bit of air out over time keeps us from imploding when we least expect it. However, we can't release our stress and worries in whatever way we please. I've learned first hand that we can't be careless about how we go about the process. Being strategic about who we choose to share some of our most intimate and tumultuous experiences with is among the most important decisions that we can make. In short, learning to vent well is a life saver!  Give proper attention to your mental wealth in 2025 by taking advantage of the Magic Mind 24 hour pack! Through the month of January the focus and sleep shots are bundled together at 45% off!  Just use my link this month get the deal - https://www.magicmind.com/BLENDEDJAN #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance

The step-sibling relationship can be tough to navigate. At times you hear about the kids getting along as if they've been reunited with a long lost sibling. In other cases, it doesn't seem as if they can even stand being in the same room together. At the end of the day, the kids have likely experienced more than their fair share of pain. This makes it especially difficult for them to accept the significant changes that comes with blending a family. During this episode we acknowlege the experience of our kids and what may cause strain in their relationship as well as how we as parents can promote peace and loving connection with our efforts and example.  Give proper attention to your mental wealth in 2025 by taking advantage of the Magic Mind 24 hour pack! Through the month of January the focus and sleep shots are bundled together at 45% off!  Just use my link this month get the deal - https://www.magicmind.com/BLENDEDJAN #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance

Considering everything that a child experiences within the blended family, it makes sense that their happiness is would be such a high priority. For other parents, it's also very difficult to take emphasis away from the development of their character and skills because those areas aren't getting enough attention. Which parent are you?? Doing right by our children and raising them with their best interest in mind is no easy task. This is not an outcome that we'll ever achieve if we remain on autopiolot! We have to be intentional about the outcomes that we want for our children and how we'll go about achieving them.  Give proper attention to your mental wealth in 2025 by taking advantage of the Magic Mind 24 hour pack! Through the month of January the focus and sleep shots are bundled together at 45% off!  Just use my link this month get the deal - https://www.magicmind.com/BLENDEDJAN #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance

Talk about learning on the job! As stepparents we don't have all of the answers. In fact, there are times when it feels as if we have none. This comes with the territory. Five things that I wish I had known:  Not all grown people are adults Heartbreak will become normal I am not defined by the failures or successes of my stepchild Teenagers kinda suck I can discern, but I cannot condemn We learn as we go, but it doesn't hurt to learn from the going of others! 

I took the time to answer some blended family questions that I'm sure each of us can relate to! 

Every blended family is a comeback story! Marquette Walker is an excellent illustration of this. Marquette relates to the samaritan woman at the well mentioned in the book of John. That woman was known to have 5 husbands, and Marquette can say the same. The woman at the well was also known to have a life changing encounter with Jesus. This is also Marquettes story! Marquette's mental, emotional, and spiritual restoration has changed her life and she has become a source of hope and change for others. Whether you are in the middle of a comeback, or if you're in need of some restoration, this episode is for you!  Resources for Marquette:  Website: marquettelwalkerministries.com Email: mlwalkerministries@gmail.com Follow: YouTube | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn Pick up her book on Amazon: Divorced But Not Defeated: Woman You Will Win After This: Walker, Marquette L.: 9798989280636: Amazon.com: Books

There's no shame in being overwhelmed by all the things that come with being a Stepparent. Personally, I took it all on and tried to keep it together, until I couldn't. Immense stress, worry and frustration was my reward for carrying all the weight that came with navigating this process. However, I've learned that empathy, holding tight to what's most important for the kids, and surrenduring it all to the One who cares the most, changes everything. Freedom from this cycle of anxiousness is possible! 

Excessive levels of worry and stress have become the norm for countless stepparents. Simply dealing with the struggles that have produced some level of anxiousness is not working. In fact, it's causing lasting issues personally and within our relationships. As stepparents, we need to figure out what we're dealing with before we can find the right solutions! 

Ownership of our role as a stepparent, and closeness to our stepkid(s). These things may sound simple, but they can come with much challenge and confusion before things make sense. Do I have the right to refer to him/her as my child? What are the best moves to make in the face of resistance? How do I avoid causing offense or overstepping while also being everything that my stepchild deserves? If you've asked yourself questions like these, you're far from alone! Listen in as my wife and I discuss this very sensitive topic and how maintaining our convictions has led us to achieve both closeness and ownership. 

Who doesn't want to be considered a good parent? We do our best, hope for the best, but what we get back isn't always the best. Sometimes it feels like our kid(s) have concluded that good parents make for better punching bags. If you can relate, your frustration is reasonable! However, we can't be so quick to judge our kids and sum up their behaviors as some form of disrespect or rejection of our efforts. Parenting is a race of endurance, and the good ones are willing to do the work to run well! 

There's no question that the idea of affirmation has taken a turn for the worse. Kids are suffereing from confusion and parents struggle to find the right kind of support as objective truth is considered a threat. My guest Stephanie Winn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, whistleblower against gender malpractice, and host of the podcast You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist. During this episode we address the social pressures being placed on families, the dangers of what is being called gender affirmation care and how we can properly protect and serve our kids in spite of what may be working against us.    Stephanie is host of the podcast You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist    You can go to Stephaniewinn.com to book a free 15 minute discovery call or take advantage of her services for a 60 minute call.    Also, she will soon be launching a course for parents of youth with Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria who are looking for answers beyond affirmation. bio.site/sometherapist

The odds are against us.. Statistics suggest that a significant portion of marriages that include a child from a previous relationship end in divorce/separation. So how do we beat the odds?! After 10 years of blending our family, we can see clearly what has sustained us through even the most difficult moments. We've beat the odds, and we believe that you can too! 

Parents have an incredible amount of power! We get to lead and shape the lives of the the next generation. No pressure! Unfortunately, we don't always do this perfectly. In fact, many mistakes are made along the way. One of the consequences of our misteps is discouragement. This experience exists well beyond the moment that the seed of discouragement is sown, and the effects can be severe. As parents we have to commit to learning from our mistakes and using our authority to encourage and build up our children. Their time under our care is limited! 

Too often we have an almost lazer focus on the things that aren't going well. We can be quick to forget about the wins that we fought so hard to take hold of and give attention to the things that appear to be working against us. Even in the midst of challenge, we can see the good, stir up some much needed gratitude and gain courage to keep moving. Don't get hung up on the pain of resistance. Set your focus on the wins and there will be more to come!  

As much as we may downplay it, fathers are so blessed when they're celebrated! To know that we are loved and supported by those closest to us is what matters most. We may not make this process easy though... Listen in as I discuss ways that you can celebrate the fathers in your life. This helps us to become better fathers, husbands and men on the other side of these moments. Guys, go ahead and make apparent what you want; and for those celebrating them, make sure they know that they're valued!  Email us @ - blended@navigatingtheblend.com Schedule a consultation with Jeremiah here:  https://calendly.com/renewyou-live/30min Additional links for Blended:  https://linktr.ee/jeremiahwallace  

The power of the reset button cannot be overstated! So many of us have the habit of carrying all of 'yesterday' into our 'now.' The result is offense, mental and physical tiredom and we place expectations on others that aren't fit or fair. My stepdaughter unknowingly introduced me to this concept as she would quickly move past the not-so-positive moments, as if holding onto even the most recent history wasn't worth it. You'll find that this tool will come in handy on a daily basis (sometimes hourly), as we put forth our best efforts to blend well! 

Anybody dealing with a little bit of chaos right now?? It's so easy for the things that are happening around us to incite responses that can resemble frustration, confusion, anger, axiousness or depression. But do we have to keep going through these cycles? Is our respsponse automated based on the chaos around us, or can we determine whether our peace will remain intact? I can assure you that we have tools at our disposal to combat the craziness! 

I took the time to answer some blended family questions that I'm sure each of us can relate to! 

Do you accept yourself? As you are? At this very moment? Most are either slow to answer the question or quick to pinpoint areas that require some serious maintenance. However, it's not just possible, but it is necessary that we are content even in the midst of our efforts to improve. Each of us will have the opportunity to take a step toward acceptance as we work to become best version of ourselves and everything that our family could ask for. 

Our walk does not always match the talk... You don't have to be a monster for a bit of hypocricy to show up in your parenting. In fact, the more we reflect the love and character of Jesus, the more likely we'll be to recognize the inconsistencies in the way that we lead. Parenting with integrity may require a bit more from us on a daily basis, but what it does for our families is well worth the effort! 

Have you ever come to the realization that you're carrying wounds from a previous relationship? Have you underestimated the impact that yesterday's wounds are having in this present moment?  Welcome to the club! Our relationships, especially our love interests, can result in emotional, mental and spiritual scars. Simply moving on from hurt and suspecting that we're ready for another commitment is insufficient for healing at best, and extremely dangerous in the worst of situations. With time, community, and forgiveness, we can all be healed. Even in the face of situations that have resulted in even the deepest wounds. 

Realizing that you're a people pleaser is a tough revelation! What may have started as a healthy desire to provide support and satisfaction for others, can become an inability to hold back our precious time, attention and resources. When the gift of kindness has become corrupt, we can become the type of people that consider ourselves valuable based on what someone else has to say. Freedom is on the other side of those that break the cycle of pleasing others to our detriment and that of our families. 

We can be "well meaning" in our efforts and genuine about our intent to love and support everyone that we encounter. Regardless, we will likely find ourselves on the receiving end of disapproval from others at some point. If we're being honest, this typically isn't a comfortable position to be in. In fact, this experience can be crushing. Especially if this sense of rejection is happening in our own homes. Nonetheless, continuing to build a foundation for our family, and establishing a level of self-respect that will eventually speak for itself, will shrink the voices of disapproval. There is hope for tomorrow, even if they don't like you today! 

How do I get my marriage back on track? Is a loving and fruitful relationship even realistic? It seems people are asking these type of questions more than ever! Claire Jorgensen is convinced that "all marriages can be saved," and she follows through with this belief within her practice. As a coach, Claire supports women, men, and couples find hope and restoration in the most important areas of life. Having experienced transformation in her own life and marriage, she serves from a place of compassion and personal experience. This episode is full of all kinds of gems that your relationship will benefit from. Take a listen!  Resources & How To Get In Touch With Claire:  Website: https://claireafuajorgensen.coach/ Book a transformation call: https://claireafuajorgensen.coach/book-a-call/ Articles in magazines: https://claireafuajorgensen.coach/press-kit/ Free Ebook on 5 things you can do to Save your marriage: https://marriage-saved.ck.page/d2dec323f3 Free Marriage Test to tell you where your marriage is and what to do:  https://marriage-saved.ck.page/93bf58e16e   Magic Mind is offering 56% off your subscription for the next 10 days with my code 'BLENDED20' at https://www.magicmind.com/blended.   

The connection with your spouse is what keeps the relationship alive and fruitful! Our ability to endure the give and take that comes with family also depends on our efforts to remain on the same page. During this episode Margo and I discuss how we practice the life saving tool of checking in with one another. We also got to do some celebrating because what comes natural now, seemed impossible not too long ago! If you want to hear how an imperfect couple has stumbled through this process of maintaining the right kind of intimacy, then you'll want to take a listen!  Magic Mind is offering 56% off your subscription for the next 10 days with my code 'BLENDED20' at https://www.magicmind.com/blended. 

In all realtionships, whether they are thriving or on the verge of falling apart, communication is one of the major factors. Both the quantity and the quality of our words will either serve the purpose of strengthening and affirming our relationships, or they will be a source of pain and discouragement. There's hardly a middle ground when it comes to the impact of our speech. So which will you choose?? Magic Mind is offering 56% off your subscription for the next 10 days with my code 'BLENDED20' at https://www.magicmind.com/blended. 

It's likely not possible to be a great step-parent without being a fighter! The ability to pick battles, fight fair, endure, and get back up after getting knocked down, are just a few ways that this quality shows up. A few of our greatest bouts will be against: Ourselves and the lies that we often enertain The threats against the order that we're establishing within our homes  A corrupt and perverse culture that stands against our kids and our marriages  While the way that we fight most effectively will be tailored to each of us and our unique circumstances, the intent to build and defend our family unit is the goal. 

I've gotten so much revelation over the last couple of months. One of my conclusions - I've been playing the fence! My desire to see individuals and families transformed pales in comparison to Gods desire for the family unit. What could be better than knowing that we can go to the source Himself?! Families are in need of truth, and I look forward to helping them find it! 

Emotional stability is an underrated commodity. Proverbs 25:28 states, "Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls." We aren't as familiar with the necessity of literal walls today, but they once meant the difference between a safe and functional civilization, and one that is left vulnerable to attack and disorder. The consequence of emotional instability can be compared to a city without walls! Growing in this area with intention should be the objective of every step-parent. Security and prosperity in every area are the result! 

Being quick to forgive is much more about strength than it is about being passive! This is one of the more impactful qualities that a Step-parent can bring into their family dynamic, and continue to develop. Among the things that forgiveness provides are: Freedom of Expression  Relationship Security  An Example and Display of Health & Grace Productive Conflict Resolution  Attractiveness  Influence  Who doesn't want this for their family?! Step-parents are essential for achieving these byproducts. Being an individual that won't settle for anything short of following through with their commitment, and believing for more for their family makes it possible!  I'd love to connect with you! So if you're looking for support, click the link below so we can schedule a 30 minute consultation.  https://calendly.com/renewyou-live/30min

Are blended families really THAT hard? Most of us understand that any and every family comes with their challenges. However, there is a level of struggle that seems unreasonable. Or maybe 'the trial' has lasted so long that you wonder whether this is to be expected, or is your situation out of the norm. Reality is that there are greater threats to our marriages and families that tend to be overlooked. As a result we place emphasis on symptoms of what's actually happening below the surface. Listen in so that you can move your energy and attention from the fruit, and onto the root of your struggle!

As an Associate Marriage & Family Therapist, Kristi Mears specializes in serving clients that have experienced trauma in relation to betrayal. Kristi has found that this issue in particular is pervasive in nature. This is in part due to the reality that intimacy within our relationships creates vulnerabilities. Nonetheless, our most important relationsips are best served as we give of ourselves fully, opposed to our decisions and actions being shaped by fear. Kristi shares with us her expertise and personal experience to help us understand what betrayal trauma is, and some of the steps that can be taken to overcome it!  If you're looking for help with betrayal trauma and/or the services of a Marriage & Family Therapist the you can find Kristi's services here: integritycounselinggroup.com/kristi-mears  

It has probably never been so difficult for two people to get on the same page! The confusion around relationships and how they should be done seems to be growing by the day. This is no way to build a foundation for the future. In order to avoid the moment where we're trying to define our relationship takes a counter-cultural effot of intention and living with clear direction. 

Such a powerful conversation!  Margo was entirely unprepared for the moment when she realized that she was pregnant. The fact that there was zero stability in her relationship only made things more complicated. Unfortunately, her experience is not as irregular as one would think. Margo was aware of the reality that she'd likely have to raise a child on her own. During the episode she also relays her experience as she briefly wrestled with the idea of abortion; a thought that Margo never imagined she'd have to consider. This conversation was a tough one, but she is evidence of Gods goodness in a tough situation. Her story is an example of what it means to fight for the things worth fighting for!

A child can hardly help but to be a reflection of their environment. Behavior, attention spans, demeanor, mannerisms and so many other indicators point to whether their needs are being met, or whether they're lacking in some way. Kathy Tempco has been working closely with young learners for almost 20 years. During this episode she speaks on her experiences of serving kids that have an ideal environment, as well as those that suffered from extreme lack. Regardless of where a child lands on that spectrum, the need for healthy parental/adult relationships and an environment of support, are a constant necessity. 

When does the desire to help end, and the attempt to be someones savior begin? This can be such a tough line to identify. Lending a hand or providing support shouldn't result in the sacrifice of our well-being. Nor do we want to rob people of the opportunity to develop and build character during what may be a trying time. Operating with both grace and tact is no easy task!   

Getting our kids to college can be difficult. The blended family dynamic tends to present additional challenges. Brad Baldridge has worked with thousands of families as a college funding specialist, so he knows what it takes for our kids to pursue a higher eduation! Whether you need information about saving for college, financial aid, student loans how to make sense out of it all, then Brad is here to help! Check out some of his resources below.  Website: Baldridge College Solutions - Strategies For College Financial Planning Taming The High Cost of College Podcast:  https://tamingthehighcostofcollege.com/category/podcast/  

Our challenges don't determine whether we become victims; ultimately, we do. That may be hard for many to wrap their heads around considering the frequency of the offense and how deeply they've been impacted. Nonetheless, we have the ability to accept that those moments have had a residual impact and we can choose to let go, forgive, overcome, and be free!

Thick skin is a virtue for those of us navigating the blend! Without it, handling the challenges that we experience on a regular basis ends up feeling like we've gone into battle without the armor necessary to soften the blows. In other words, we need to develop some callous (the good kind)! Listen in on how you can develop some thicker skin while avoiding the familiar pitfall of becoming hardened. 

Yes, the topic of sex is being addressed more openly these days. However, I question whether the content around this conversation is really serving those that aspire to do relationship the right way. Margo and I have experienced both great success and deep failure in this area. All of which has given us a better understanding and a more fulfilling level of intimacy in our relationship. Take a listen! 

Regardless of what stage we find ourselves, we tend to face some really unique scenarios within the blended famliy. Listen in as I read some of those scenarios and share my two cents (or three), on a few of these blended situations! 

Avoiding the perspective and approach of the a NACHO parent is a proactive effort! This effort is reflected in the way that we both prepare and remain at attention during crucial stages of our relationships.  Here are four things that we can do to almost guarantee a successful outcome and escaping the ‘NACHO' mindset:  1. Do Your Homework  Apple Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blended-navigating-the-blended-family-experience/id1529370964?i=1000498130377 Spotify - https://spotify.link/pFmsV9lmmyb 2. Don't Bind Yourself Before Commitment  3. Get Clear About What You Want  4. The Right Kind of Support 

Step-parents face unique challenges. Many of which can be difficult to prepare for and the need for resilience is without question. Nonetheless, the 'NACHO' approach isn't the way to go! It's impossible to apply the phrase "not my kid, not my problem," and fulfill our commitment to the best of our ability. Whether step or biological, as parents we function within certain limits. Regardless of the extent of our bounds, our job is to love, instruct, and shape our kids for their sake, not our own. 

Is your stepchild two different people? Are they one person in your home and someone entirely different elsewhere? Have you become the home that is resented opposed to being the one that is preferred? All of the above are questions that we may entertain and desperately want to answer. But are the questions fair? Kids that go from one home to another, regarless how frequently that may happen, deal with much. Whether they want to be different people, or feel as if they have to in order to keep it all together, is hard to determine. However, what we believe about our kids will always set the pace, despite the challenges that are sure to come. 

Much has been accomplished this year! None of which would be possible without the collective support of those that have listened and engaged throughout 2022. There's plenty of momentum as we move into the new year and we can't wait to see what's in store! 

Among the many wonderful outcomes of being a step-parent, one of my favorites is the ability to pick your battles! However, this is a skill-set that we tend to stumble upon with a lot of time and much effort. Brett Kanda is no stranger to this process. In this episode he touches on the strain of being a leader and authority figure in his family, while also having to lay down his pride and a sense of control that tends to come natural to any of us. Check out this powerful conversation!